This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. The last time, sometime back, when I spoke, I just took a chance to dive right in. And I didn't take the opportunity. At that time. To say thank you. To the teachers. Who have supported me. And who invited me. To this talk. To thank the people. Say welcome and thank you for coming. For those that I can see. And those that I cannot see. That are on Zoom. Or maybe even another. Landscape completely. And. In some way. I think that it's an example of how we miss a moment.

[01:05]

Because when we get up in the morning, we can say, good morning, welcome to the day, thank you. And at one time in the class, our Abbas Fu spoke to us about bringing the hands together in Gosho, that one hand is wisdom and one hand is compassion. And in our life, we try to... I wish, I don't know about the try part, I wish to bring that together. So good morning, welcome, thank you, and bringing the hands together could be the whole talk of itself. So thank you. An example of just diving right in and how many times we rush about and forget exactly where we are and may be what it is we want. So I would like to start this meeting today with a confession, and that is, I don't know exactly where we're going.

[02:22]

Last night I was lying in bed, or yesterday I was walking around, and I thought it was really perfect for the Dharma talk, because I thought, I don't know. I don't know. I don't really want to just give you more and feel this word out in formation. Because that might just be something you cling to and forget to jump into the mystery of the next moment. So I was lying in bed last night thinking, what is it? What is it? So in some way, this morning, I mean, something has come together, but you're getting a version. Maybe you have the experience of this for yourself, of the unpolished, unversion, unpolished version of yourself. So the question is, so I want to say one more thing, and that is, when I thought about this talk,

[03:30]

One of the things that came to my mind, I don't know if any of you have had this, when I was a child, you used to be able to buy these canvases that were paint by number. I don't know if you can still do that, but anyway, there's all these little tiny places, and they gave you all these colors, and then you could fill it in, and eventually you ended up with canvas that... showed you the autumn fields, the river, the birds, whatever it was that you acquired. And I thought, yeah, that sort of my life is kind of a paint-by-number. And maybe this talk will be a paint-by-number, where we slowly fill it in with the color. And the color that... Maybe the color... The colors I would like to bring to it is the how. How do you want to express your life?

[04:35]

How do you want to express this moment? How do you want to show up? Not so much what, because the what's will keep happening, but the great how. And that might be something that's important to me in cultivating this how. So the question is, what is your question? What is your quest, either this moment or this life, and can you make contact with it? Can you hold it, not in your mind so much, but in your heart? And who was reminding us in this last class we had on the Diamond Sutra, That the Buddha is not a thing, is not a person. Of course, there was a Buddha that was a person, name that, as there are you out here with a name.

[05:39]

But the Buddha basically is a quality of being. Buddha is a state or quality of mind. Buddha is awake. And what are we awake to? What do you want to be awake to? How do you want to be awake? And how do you want to walk in this life? And that kind of walking into mystery was a little bit of a paradigm shift in a culture that wants to know things. I want to know. I want to remember. I want to memorize. And then that will tell me what to do next. So this kind of paradigm shift from trying to get and hold something and to trust the process of change so in one way I'm wondering if we can all of us just be here today including myself without trying to get anything what would it be to sit here to arrive

[06:51]

have shown up and to be without trying to get anything I've been so I'd like to try something with you if you feel open to joining me and it's a little exercise I don't really know if that's the right word, but anyway, I'm asking you to join me. In an experiment that I joined in while I was listening on a Zoom event, in this particular event, they were calling it Love is Still the Answer, and I'm adding Wisdom and Compassion is Still the Answer. So now in this experiment, to try and not get anything, I'd like to invite you and myself to take a breath and then to close or lower your eyes and take this kind of generous, luxurious, bountiful moment to just return to yourself.

[08:20]

to center yourself with your body lifted and lengthened, lengthening your spine, opening your posture, and bringing some focus to your breath. If there's some of you Sitting in my invisible world. That are in a relaxed posture. Maybe you sit up. Find your sit bones. And just open. Lift and lengthen. And bring some focus to your breath. And notice. There's air going in and out through your nostrils, cool or warm.

[09:34]

Our Zazen instruction, they say to put the tip of your tongue at the roof of your mouth. Maybe you'll notice when you focus on your breath, the way your body can kind of subtly, this is subtle, subtly move with the in-breath and the out-breath. Maybe you notice it in your belly, your chest, your shoulders. Mostly, I could say we, but... We're certain, I don't notice this, that when we say to sit in stillness, it's not like there's no movement.

[10:37]

Even the great trees that are sitting in stillness have a lot going on. The air going in and out of your nostrils. gently moving your belly, your chest, your shoulders. And in your imagination, see, you can imagine your breath and your blood always moving. This involuntary movement that we thank goodness don't have to control this movement keeps us alive and connected now having settled a little see if you can find a spot

[11:51]

You can notice a spot where it might be a space where joy lives. Find a spot where your inmost request might live. Where your intention might live. And I'd say, for me, when I first... I say this, I'm not asking you to look, but I just took a finger or two and was able to point to a location. So if you feel invited, maybe you could move your hand to where you might feel some mysterious spot. an invisible spot where peace, your inmost request, where joy might live.

[12:58]

And just notice that. And then with another breath, maybe you can just let it start slowly, like the blood flow, to let it expand. let this expand as an act of self-cultivation and really a revolution of not trying to get something but registering maybe a how. Just a how you would like to be. It's a radical shift. Florence Keplow wrote these words.

[14:05]

When the breeze blew, I could feel wings against my cheek. An infinitely gentle sensation at the edge of perception. When the breeze blew, I could feel wings against my cheek. an infinitely gentle sensation at the edge of perception. We find this spot. It's an infinitely gentle sensation at the edge of our perception. So if you When you're ready, you could gently open your eyes, if you close them, and rejoin, and continuing to make contact with your joy, your intention, with not trying to get anything, but to make contact with yourself.

[15:31]

So I would just like to say again, welcome. You went away. You went in. Welcome back. And what I hope for this meeting to be is a meeting of presencing. Because I'm not a noun. You are not a noun. We're all a verb. And this finding a place where we wish to offer ourself. is a verb it's our doing it's how we use our hands how we use our voice how we use our body how we show up it's remembering that we're not this when we speak we're not this independently existing thing that we are connected and just now as I say that I remember having a little flash moment not calm with someone and then i came back later we worked it out and i said you know it was just a flash moment it was just like my moments are kind of just like a match they're not really a torch you know a forest fire and then the person reminded me that sometimes a match can be a big deal and that was really helpful so even a drop

[17:04]

Just a drop of kindness, maybe a drop of slowing down, can make a big difference. If we slow down and even allow ourselves for five seconds to be in the present, we might really notice what's needed. We might really notice what's needed. So almost every morning here we sit. And my encouragement for Zazen is that we are showing up for ourselves. Because our self and what we have to offer is exactly the gift we need for healing the world. And I don't know what your medicine will be. And maybe even you don't know what your medicine will be. But if you're present and if you want to... Embrace generosity or ethics or effort or mindfulness or meditation.

[18:09]

That will be your gift. And because of the law of impermanence, it means that that moment will be like that. And then you'll have to be it and do it again. exercise that I hope some of you were able to make some contact with was a possibility of expanding our imagination beyond just this moment. This kind of letting go of trying to get a gaining idea. So in my paint by number, picture today one of the things i wanted to bring up that i have been working to memorize and to bring to our attention and wish to encourage contemplation on and that is some of you might already know them and not we'll just remember if not it's first time and otherwise we'll remember together and that is the five remembrances and remembering these five things

[19:31]

might inform your how you want to show up, might inform your how you want to be in this life. So these five remembrances are, we could think of them as messengers or doorways into remembering them as practice possibilities. And when we remember them, They might help us answer whatever quest or question we might be offering. So the five remembrances are the five facts. These are the five facts that one should reflect on often. Whether one is a woman or a man, they or them, priest or lay. Which five? I am of the nature to grow old.

[20:35]

There's no way to escape growing old. This is the first fact that one should reflect on often. Whether one is a woman or a man, they or them, priest or lay. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health. This is the second of the five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, they or them, priest or lay. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death. This is the third fact Of the five facts that one should reflect on often. Whether one is a woman or a man.

[21:37]

They or them. Priest or lay. All that is dear to me. And everyone I love. Are of the nature to change. There's no way to escape. being separated from them. I cannot keep anything. I come here empty-handed, and I will go empty-handed. This is the fourth of the five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, they or them. My actions are my only true belongings.

[22:37]

I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand. This is the fifth fact that one should reflect on often. Whether one is a woman or a man, they or them, priest or they. We all live in this stream. We were once children needing to be cared for. We may have children, friends, parents to care for. So I ask you, With what heart-mind will you care? With what appreciation and gratitude for the moments and opportunities without grasping or wishing for anything more?

[23:45]

Wishing for more is an attachment and wishing that something wouldn't change in the midst of everything changing. If we wish for more, it's like squeezing the life out of our toothpaste tube. It kind of blocks creativity. It might block your imagination. There's a beauty and a wonder in this existence if we are just here in this moment. place of peace, could be a place of peace, of joy, of buoyancy, of kindness. With what hands will you offer this moment?

[24:50]

You were studying the Diamond Sutra, the quick transition here, but the Buddha We're studying the Diamond Sutra with Fu. And one of the things in the Diamond Sutra that I'm accessing now is that we should live a life of no... I'm not going to get this right. Just watch. To exist in a life of not a being nor a non-being. And to offer a gift without having to give a gift. without having to receive something from the gift, freely given. And there was a master who was an expert on a diamond sutra, and he was traveling to prove his brilliance, and he stopped somewhere for refreshment, and this tea lady who had the stand said, what have you got in that backpack there?

[25:59]

She said, oh. That's the Diamond Sutra. You know, I know stuff. And she said, oh, well, in the Diamond Sutra, it says that past mind cannot be grasped and future mind cannot be grasped. So what mind will you grasp these tea cakes? What mind will you grasp this moment? And he had no answer. So this little, hopefully, this little exercise that we did at the beginning where I asked you to drop in and not try to look outside yourself for something, but to drop in and make contact with some place in your heart, mind, in yourself that is offering

[27:01]

a gift-bestowing moment. You know, I'm taking this opportunity to just remember I was sitting in Tassajara at one point, this thing of we're all going to die, and I was having a little tea cake. And as I sat there, it occurred to me that It registered for me. I'm going to die one day. And we all know this. But there's some point where it kind of settles. Where you know it in a different way. And I'm also remembering at this moment one day sitting with Edward Brown. And we were all sitting and I was... enjoying my seat. Maybe I was present, maybe not.

[28:04]

And he shouted out, you're going to die in five minutes. And there's nothing that will save you. There's nothing you can do to change it. With what mind will you meet these five minutes? Maybe this is the pivot point of what I want to offer this morning's moment, is with what mind will you carry yourself or be carried, more accurately, be carried through the day? I have something here that I'd like to fill in the color on my little canvas.

[29:07]

And it helps me to remember a conversation I had here recently that bridges to this how. And what would it be to pause for five seconds as you're going through your day? For instance, to hold a door open for a stranger, or to slow down on the highway and let somebody cut in front of you, to pick up the phone and call someone, to offer a few dollars to someone in need. And in this conversation I was having with someone recently who, like me, sometimes has trouble walking. And getting up steps. And they were in town and they were about ready to take a bus. Get on a bus somewhere. And the bus stopped and the door opened.

[30:15]

And the bus driver saw that they were having a hard time walking and a hard time getting to the steps. And the bus driver came down and helped them. get on the bus. And when the people in the bus saw that this person was having trouble walking, they moved back so that that person could sit closer to the front rather than some of the experience I've had where people put their notebook or their purse or their computer on the seat so you won't sit there next to them. Anyway, some people moved for them. On another day, not so far from that, they were crossing a street and slowly moving. And a truck had to stop to let them go through the crosswalk. And instead of, with an open heart and some patience, yelled out the window, Hey you, can't you hurry up and get across the street already?

[31:27]

I'm in a hurry. You can imagine each of those things left a different taste and a different feel. And it came from a different place and a different feel in the person speaking. It left a different taste and a different feel in the person that was receiving it. I had to take a driver training class once and there was a scenario of somebody leaving home after they hit in a hurry. They missed their alarm clock, didn't ring. They spilled their coffee, couldn't find their jacket. They got in the car. Anyway, it was kind of a mess. They were rushing down the road and almost hit a bicycle. Bicycle rider. And in the movie, in the film, it said, would you rather...

[32:31]

be on time or right or dead right, dead late. So when we rush, how much time are we really saving? Can we give somebody, give ourselves five seconds? And one of my other colors is something I came across from Marcel Proust, where he says, We do not receive wisdom. We must discover it for ourselves. I keep bridging back to our first experiment. We do not receive wisdom. We discover it for ourselves after a journey through the wilderness, which no one else can help, else can make for us, which no one can spare us. For our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world.

[33:40]

My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand. This is the fifth fact that one should reflect on often. whether one is a woman, a man, they or them, priest or lay. When the breeze blew, I could feel wings against my cheek, an infinitely gentle sensation at the edge of perception. You know, initially I wanted to speak to you today about enlightenment, but it became kind of funny because, you know, I don't really know.

[34:51]

But I've made some relationship to that word and to the practice. And what I enjoy about the word is lightening up. So when we sit, And when we're just in the moment and not trying to go for something we've got from the past or trying to use the tool of our imagination to paint a future which might be painful, which we might reach, we might not reach, but how will we be on the path? We get lighter. We get lighter. And again, as I'm allowing something to come to my consciousness, I'm remembering a story I heard from one of the persons in my small group from the Diamond Sutra study, and they noticed that they were always rushing to get somewhere, and they lived with a group of people, as we do here. And as they were rushing, when people came toward them, they'd just go, I don't have time, I don't have time.

[35:58]

And they were kind of rude, and they didn't really pause, and it didn't really feel good either. In noticing that habit, what they realize, this is where realization, making real what you notice, is that if they left five minutes early, or some amount of time early, they could go slow. And if somebody came toward them, they could give them a few minutes, greet them and say, hello, or listen, and then move on. And then if a second person came, there was time for that as well. By the time the third or fourth person, depending on how much time they left, came along, they said, you know, I'm going to a meeting. I have to go now. Catch you later. So that's kind of a radical shift in you notice your habits and being able to ingest and embrace a way, a how that you might want to be.

[37:00]

So I'm noticing the time, and I'm just going to pause for a second so I can just let those things register for myself. For you. There is a you out there. A you of my imagination. Because I want to share a couple of poems. because the kitchen will leave, may leave. And I want to share a couple of poems, which are kind of a prayer or a blessing that I think in this subtle awareness, maybe some piece of these words might be a pointer to, or an invitation. What I'd like myself to and for you is an invitation to join I don't know mind.

[38:05]

These poems are by a poet by the name of John O'Donohue. He's an Irish poet, and he unfortunately died very young, and suddenly. but he wrote a lot of beautiful poetry. So these are two poems, and I'll start with the shorter one. And this is under the rubric of the fifth remembrance of my actions being my only true belongings, or how I want to embrace and sustain this life. I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding. I would like to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding.

[39:18]

Before the beginning, unknown to us, there are moments when crevices we cannot see open. As in autumn, a field of corn knows when enough green has been inhaled. From the clay and under the skill of an artist's breeze, from the clay and under the skill of an artist's breeze becomes gold in a day. As in autumn a field of corn knows when enough green had been inhaled. From the clay and under the skill of an artist breeze becomes gold in a day. When the ocean, still as a mirror, of a sudden takes a sinister curve to rise in a mountain of a wave that would swallow a village.

[40:29]

A flock of starlings scattered at work on grass. From somewhere a signal comes. And suddenly, as one, they describe a geometric shape in the air. When the audience becomes still. And the soprano lets the silence deepen. In that slowed holding. The whole aria. hovers nearer. Then alights on the wings of breath, poised to soar in song. These inklings were first prescribed this morning when we came together. And I was left with such a sweet time, wondering,

[41:32]

if between us something is deciding to begin or not. I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding. My actions are my only true belongings. With what heart mind? Will you give yourself to yourself with a whisper? How will you talk to and encourage yourself? Please be generous. Please be kind. It's an immense task. We're all taking on and we're doing it together.

[42:38]

Thank you very much for your kind attention and time. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:06]

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