This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. There's a phrase that we chant every week that I really like. It's called the host within the host. And I think I like it because it reminds me so much of Tassajara. There's more to it, and I'll go into that in a minute, but it's just the last line of a chant that we do. This is called the host within the host.

[01:01]

And you know what? because I've been at Tassar for a long time and a lot of people come and go very quickly. A lot of times maybe it's easier for me to feel like the host than some of you because guests come back and they say, oh, I'm so glad there's still somebody here who I recognize. So that makes me kind of feel like the host. And I don't know how many of you know Arlene Luke. She's at the city center now, but she used to live down here with her husband. Daigon, she was the guest manager for a while. And she was, like, really a guest manager. She really related to and to a very outgoing person, which is kind of a rarity around Zansara. Anyway, when she was here with Daigon, a guest was heard saying to another guest, you see that man over there? He's the husband of the owner. Which...

[02:03]

Arlene has never lived down. So Arlene was kind of a host. And, you know, within this, within the host. So I think probably all of us have this feeling of how Tassajara is a host for us. You know, how we're held by Tassajara and taken care of by Tassajara and the mountains and the hot springs. And, you know, certainly also the the Zen students and the way they cook the food and the way they clean the baths and the cabins and maybe greet us. But also just the land, that the land here is somehow hosting us and inviting us in, inviting us away from the kind of... especially for the guests. For the students, it gets a little more complicated than this, but when you first come away from the things in your life that you need some break from.

[03:08]

In the last lecture I gave, I talked about Indra's net, and I had this whole thing I was going to say, which I didn't, and I sort of decided not to say it tonight either, but here it is. How, you know, people, so many people nowadays, I think, come to Tassajara to get away from the intranet. Internet, internet. And then they come here to have some space to see the indranet. Sorry, I was really stupid. Anyway, that might be the only thing you remember from this lecture, and it will be worthwhile. So here in our indranet, you know, that we can feel how held we are and also how connected we are. And in that, each of us actually can feel like the host and accurately is the host. You know, definitely all the students. You know, if you work in the office, that's one of the places where you actually feel it.

[04:10]

Like people come in and you're welcoming them and you're telling them about Tassajara and you get to see how different they are the day they arrive and a couple of days later. you know, how something has changed with them, and you get to enjoy that. But all of the students, wherever they're working, and all of the guests, wherever you are, you know, we're making Tassajara together. Tassajara would not be the way it is if we didn't all agree to treat each other the way we do at Tassajara, with some amount of openness and welcoming. trust so here we are all the host within the host and as I said this phrase every time we chant it or when I think about it is it's such a strong phrase I think in some ways it's like the essence of Buddhism it's how we are

[05:22]

totally responsible, how everything we do has an impact, how everything we do makes our life and the life of our whole world, and yet how we are, how we have agency, that's sort of how we have agency, and yet how we are part of something much, much larger than we are, how we are functioning in our place in Indra's net, you know, in... the universe which I think is the is one way of saying kind of our deepest question like do I somehow fit is it okay to be me in this world and this you know being the host within the host is a held supported place so in this chant that we do it's kind of interesting what leads up to this host within the host it says practice secretly working within like a fool like an idiot just to continue in this way is called the host within the host practice secretly working within like a fool like an idiot just to continue in this way is called the host within the host so first of all the word idiot is kind of harsh you know that's not such a good word for us I think

[06:46]

It's a word that we sometimes call ourselves, and some of us have been called that in a pretty derisive way. So I'm going to change it for tonight to like a fool, like a person who doesn't know. So practice secretly, working within, like a fool, like a person who doesn't know. You know, again, in some ways in Tassajara, I think... you're pretty much forced to practice secretly because, you know, we do this Zazen thing in the morning, and that's pretty not secret. I mean, except what's going on inside you, that's pretty secret. But here we are all sitting here, or if you're not sitting here, then you're absent, and there's either a good reason or there's not. But the rest of the day, even service... you know, sort of chanting and bowing, and then certainly work and eating and bathing and all the other things that we do.

[07:47]

How is that practice? I mean, this is a question that comes up for students during the summer all the time, right? Like, how is this practice? I work in a restaurant when I'm at home, and now I work in the dining room, and it feels pretty much the same, and what's the difference? So, you know, your day is filled up with external activity at Tassajara. So if you're going to practice, pretty much you have to figure out how to do that, how to work within while you're doing these activities. You may know or not know how you're doing that. You may feel like you're succeeding at it or you're failing at it. But in fact, by the schedule, you're actually forced to... You know, not just do some simple idea of this is how it is to practice, like go sit a seshin. That's also a very good practice, but that's not the one we're doing in the summer.

[08:49]

Seshin is, if any of you don't know, it's like a long retreat, some number of days, often seven. So how does this working within practice secretly, working within, like a fool, like a person who doesn't know. It isn't like you have to try to be a fool or a person who doesn't know. It's more that when you work within, when you look within, you actually find out that you don't know. That's one of the major things we find out when we honestly look within. We find out that we have all kinds of thoughts, all kinds of opinions, all kinds of emotions, and that there's so much we don't know about that. We don't know whether it's true. Sometimes we do know that it's not true, but we don't know what is true. We don't know how long any particular thought or emotion will last.

[09:53]

We... If we look within, we can actually see that we don't actually know what those other people are doing. If we don't look within, if we just keep looking out, then sometimes we think, oh, I know what's going on here. They're trying to make me do this. They're manipulating me in this way. Positive or negative, we can have all kinds of thoughts that we believe. But if you actually look within, you see a much more... moving, for one thing, that it's not as solid as it looks when you just look out, and made up of so many parts. Like if you walk into a room and you have a bad feeling, if you're looking out, you may think it's because that person over there, they're doing this. But if you're looking within, you... You see the complexity of it. It's like, oh, you know, this morning when I got up, I didn't sleep much last night, and yesterday this person said this to me, and then a week ago that person I'm looking at, something happened with him.

[11:05]

Anyways, again, it kind of adds up to a fool, a person who doesn't know. And this finding our place... as a person who doesn't know is what can lead us to be a host within the host to actually be available for people who are out there but also for our internal whatever is coming up to to be there available as the host for those things to let them have their life it's kind of one way of thinking of it to let them have their being at that time and to be there as the being who basically just says, I can be here. I can stay with you while you feel like this. I don't have to run away from you.

[12:10]

We can say this to people on the outside. We can also say it, it's most important, to say it to the person who we are. I don't have to run away from you. I can stay here with you while you're going through this mysterious experience. There is a phrase from the... Flower Ornament Sutra. Which one is that? Does anyone know? Say it again. Avatamsaka Sutra. This phrase is great. I don't know what it means, but it gives me such hope. The phrase is, the fundamental affliction of ignorance is itself the immutable knowledge of the Buddhas.

[13:17]

Isn't that an Amazing statement. The fundamental affliction of ignorance is itself the immutable knowledge of the Buddhas. Again, I don't know what it means, but I think it's related to this. It's like our actually seeing how little we know, how little we can make this the truth, make this my life, make this my identity. the thing that we really want, who am I, and how little we can do that, is the freedom of the Buddhas. That somehow, even though we can't get a hold of what's going on here, who is that person, or even who is this, who am I, we are held in this Indra's net that... includes everything including us.

[14:19]

And because we're in that net, because we're totally connected in it, everything we do has an impact. It may not get us where we want to go right away. It may not do away with all the suffering in the world the next time we pick up a leaf. But it heads us in a certain direction. How we do it helps to make the world. That sentence is used in a particular koan, one of the Soto Zen koans, and then the end of it is a poem that I've rearranged a little bit that I wanted. I think that's a fox. No, that's maybe the owl. That's an owl. That's an owl. Little bitty thing. Yeah. The poem is one call and he turns his head.

[15:55]

Do you know the self or not? So this one call and he turns his head is connected to a story in this koan where two monks are trying to prove to each other that human beings have boundless consciousness. That's a very simple way of saying it. And so the one says, well, the way you prove it is when somebody comes along like this kid who just walked in the door, you say, hey, you, and he turns his head. And that proves he has boundless consciousness because he knows you're talking to him. Then, I mean, just the story goes on. Then they say, what is it? And he gets confused and goes out again. That's to prove he's also We are very confused. But anyway, the beginning of the poem is, one call and he turns his head. Do you know the self or not? Vaguely, like a moon through ivy, a crescent at that.

[16:57]

And then I've taken from a different poem. Carefully to open the spice tree buds. He lets the free spring out on the branches. One call and he turns his head. Do you know the self or not? Vaguely, like the moon through ivy, a crescent at that. Carefully, he opens the spice tree buds to let the free spring out on the branches. I think this is a question to us. Do you know the self or not? And when we practice Zen, to whatever amount we practice Zen, that's actually what we're trying to do, is know the self. Study the self, know the self. But to know the self doesn't mean it's like you get yourself into a little container that you know.

[18:03]

It's really... vaguely, vaguely you start to know the self like a moon through ivy, a crescent at that. You get to know some portion of yourself, and you get to know, in this koan they talk about, well, when it's the crescent moon, where's the full moon? And then they do really Zen things like, well, when the full moon's there, the crescent is gone completely, or... When the full moon's there, the crescent is also included. Or when the crescent's there, anyway, they go on and on. But I think basically it's we know if you study the self, if you've practiced secretly working within, you start to know, oh my goodness, like we were just saying, there's a lot of me I don't know. Here's the part, here's the part, and don't Don't turn away from that part, don't deny that part, don't disparage that part, respect that part, but that's not the whole thing.

[19:10]

To allow the mystery, even of ourself and our life, vaguely, like a moon through ivy, a crescent at that. And then carefully he opens the spice tree buds to let the full... The free spring out on the branches, to me, is this within the host. It's like we do our work, our external work. We greet the guests. We drive the stage. You do whatever wonderful work you do out in the world. We do that to participate in the connection that's already happening. the way the spice tree buds will open themselves if we let them, and the free spring will come, still we participate in that. We do our part. We see, you know, a bed that needs making, and we make it.

[20:14]

We walk down the path and see someone that needs to be said hello to, and we say good morning, you know, or whatever. You see a carrot that needs chopping, we chop it, and then we turn it into a beautiful meal. Some of us do that. Not me, but some of you, thank you very much. So to play our part in the host, as the host, as the guest of the host, is to see a way to live our lives that has meaning. And in our world today, everything is not as beautiful as spice tree buds and little owls talking to us from the lawn or something. There are many, many forms of suffering there. So we do what we can to move towards less suffering, not more suffering. We do this sometimes in big ways, sometimes in very small ways, to the best of our ability.

[21:22]

What action leads towards less suffering instead of more suffering? Through this practicing secretly, working within, finding our place in the host, acting as the host. Do you have any thoughts or questions? for you to search for a question. Yes, Laura. Yes. What I said was it can't really be seen because we're just doing this

[22:31]

regular, everyday stuff, right, that doesn't necessarily, it doesn't wave a flag that says, practice, practice, I'm practicing now. And I think sometimes we wonder, am I practicing now for good reason? Because what is practice if you're chopping vegetables? What is it really to practice? It's another thing I think we don't know. In a way, it's secret because it's how to join this web that we're already a part of. It's a little complicated, you know? We're kind of complicated beings because we have this mind that can think about things. So we're already doing this. We're already living here totally in connection with Everybody, we're already, you know, helping the world either in each step, either go to more suffering or less suffering.

[23:39]

And sometimes we don't even know which it is, right? And then we're thinking about it. And this part of us that's thinking about it actually thinks it's running the show. You know, it thinks it's deciding what we should do. And it's at least, if it isn't deciding, it's struggling with it. So... I think all that is part of this secretly. It's sort of secret from ourselves. It's what is so wonderful about Tassajara as a practice place. It's like you come here and you can wander all you want, but there's kind of full schedule. It's like you just keep doing. And, you know, you may start to feel like it's not the place for you. And you might be right. There are plenty of other good places in the world. But, you know, I feel like one of the things that Tassajara does, I was saying to Tia today, is... It just supports us and gives us mostly non-harmful things to do while we can begin to see, what about this part of me? Is it okay that it sticks around?

[24:40]

Or how long does it last? How solid is it? How solid is this part of me? We're just kind of held here for a while while ourself becomes more accurate. Yes. A lot of the things that you're saying kind of resonate with practice is enlightenment. Is enlightenment, yes. How is practice enlightenment? Yeah, enlightenment is such a tricky phrase, word, you know, because we have such projections on it. So... You know, I think enlightenment is, in a way, settling into this full-body connection that we are part of.

[25:43]

So practice is doing that in whatever little way we do it. And doing that freely, you know, being able to turn... to be able to pivot. If we see that the direction I'm going is going to cause more suffering, to actually be able to be free to pivot, to let go of something, maybe pivot just means stand still, just don't do anything, that's enlightenment or freedom or liberation. So to do these various practices, I think helps us be able to do that. Anything else? Where are you? Who's speaking? Yes.

[26:56]

Yes, I think so. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, you're doing great. You are. How much less can you know? Yeah. And I think that's a good point. You know, Tassajara is not a completely safe space. It's safe enough that we can stand the ways that we ourselves and all these people around us are unsafe, meaning they make us they by the way they are. It's not they make us, but they're the way they are. We start to feel uneasy. Again, I'll say in our blessed lives. where we actually have the privilege of feeling uneasy because we are not threatened in some very major ways, most of us.

[28:19]

We get to notice even when we feel uneasy. And that's not pleasant. It's not like we like to feel uneasy. In fact, it can feel life-threatening or almost life-threatening just to... feel uneasy around some things that other people are saying, or even some things we're saying and feeling. So Tazahara has lots of little spikes and pricks and corners that you can feel like you're trapped in, surrounded by unpleasantness, so that we can explore those, so we can explore ourself and our own reaction to it, just as you were saying, Jim. Thank you. for one more if there is anyone who has one yeah I know that's a board I'm seeing with not an arm yes Tim well I think that the lack of freedom comes from thinking that we know

[29:36]

any number of things you know like I know that I should not feel like this you know I know I shouldn't hate that person I know I shouldn't have to feel afraid I know you know it shouldn't be hot tomorrow it shouldn't be as hot as it was today right we we we have this discriminating mind that looks at things and thinks this would be better and put it on almost anything and that's a kind of trap or a box that we put things in and then things don't match up or they do match up and in some ways that's worse. Then we think we're right. So to have to see that Just one way of saying it is to see that things are so much more complicated than the way we build our boxes is a kind of freedom.

[30:48]

Does that make sense to you? Thank you. Okay, thank you all very much. It's a pleasure being here with you. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[31:21]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_93.61