Every single body in this room... This was supposed to become a talk about the body, and then it turned into more becoming a talk about the feelings. And of course, it's related. The last weeks and months, actually, I got several hints to look more at my body practice, or body, and feelings.

[01:01]

And it is amazing, I think that happens to you too, when we decide to work with something, like an area of our personality or even something else. If we have creative jobs and we decide to work on something, then things come to you and hopefully fall into place. So I get so many hints the last weeks and months that this topic of body and feelings will be my topic for the next months. I don't know for how long. I noticed that I hadn't really integrated it. It's in the Buddhist teachings, and we see it every day, looking at our mind, body, feelings. And I had like one, just to bring one example, one wake-up call was... like that. Some mice or echo.

[02:03]

I went to a 10-day Vipassana retreat for my vacation. Right, I know. It's a 10-day sashim, and it's a bit funny to choose that for a vacation. But I wanted to throw myself into a new situation. So on one hand, it was familiar, or the sitting, and the silence, and... reduced meals and a strict schedule. And then, of course, it was not my tradition. There were new things, and I just wanted to see how I behave in a new environment, in another tradition, whether I could do it. Just follow this other tradition. And it was, I think, if you're a bit familiar with it, actually there's one advice. going to the nostrils, watching, observing the breathing, the breath going through the nostrils, being with it as far as you can, down the throat. Some people can feel it even still here.

[03:06]

Observing what the body does when the breath comes in or goes out. And that is very much it. And only on day seven and eight we also did metta. And one other thing I forgot now. But mainly that is it, that one breath. exercise. And I did that the first day, the second day, the third day, and I tried to keep it fresh. And then I noticed something, and I was really shocked and embarrassed. So I could feel my breathing in the nostrils, even further down, the throat. I could be with it for a long time and just there were even parts when I was not bored, but I enjoyed it, being with it, because that's what I wanted to do, a reduced method of going deep with that method. And then I noticed that, yes, I did do that.

[04:09]

I did feel the breath. I did feel what I was doing, what happened to the body. And also on the first day they said, we don't visualize, and that was familiar to me too. Also in Zen we don't really visualize. In Tibetan traditions they work with visualizations. In Hinduism they work with visualizations. In Zen we don't. And then I noticed that besides my body sitting here and noting, noticing and feeling, not only observing, I did feel it. I did something else in addition. And that was, I was visualizing this part of my face, the nose, the nostrils, that was in the focus, had been in the focus the last two days. And I actually visualized a part of my body doing the exercise. And I had no idea that I was doing that. And I was so shocked that I did work with...

[05:10]

visualizations and not knowing it, so it's not forbidden, or of course we can do anything and nobody would know. I was just so shocked that I did something of which I didn't know that I was doing it, and it didn't feel good. I think part of the shock and surprise was that there was some separation going on, right? I didn't really... bring it all to myself and my body experience, body and mind and emotional experience, there was a split. And I don't know quite what it means or what it comes from or came from. It was a hint that there was definitely in me a separation going on. And that was one of the hints I got to really look at body and feelings. Then a friend who didn't even know that I was looking at this topic more, Body and Feelings, recommended a book because she had met a woman in Germany and she was excited about that woman and it was really inspiring.

[06:25]

She said, it is a book about feelings. You might know it. It has been around for 10 years. I didn't know it. The Power of Feelings. And yes, I know there are many books and we read them. And we have quite a lot of knowledge. I mean, since decades or some years, everybody here in the room, we know actually quite a bit about ourselves, I think. We know our patterns. We look at our speech. We notice what we are doing. We know what triggers us, what triggers our feelings. I think we do inner work. We do mindfulness conversations. So we do a lot. We do what we can, I think. to wake up and to become more aware. And still, in the realm of feelings, I noticed that I didn't really have a clue how to be with them without being overwhelmed by them and without acting out.

[07:29]

We say to find the middle way between acting them out and between suppressing them. Of course, we know already that much, also in Buddhism. Definitely, we don't suppress anything. But then what? So what is that third way? And the third way, also, the Buddha, I looked again in the Four Foundations of Mindfulness, that he does talk, of course, about observing and being with the breathing, with the feeling, with physical sensations. But that's about it. As you might know, in Buddhism, there are just three feelings, like, dislike, and neutral. The Buddha didn't really go into all that that cosmos, that universe of feelings we go through. He took it more like one phenomena. And today I think we need more tools. We need some more help to look at all that. And feelings, we know that they are there.

[08:31]

Or let me talk about myself. I know that they are there. and often I don't really know, I don't know why they are there, and often, sometimes I can't accept them, sometimes they're overwhelming, sometimes I wonder why that particular feeling comes now, and you might experience the same. I'm always surprised about what feelings do. So I thought it's something that comes over me, and I can't do much. And then I was really grateful to find that one map, that one book. That woman was really clear. And maybe there are other books that I don't know. I don't know whether when you read about emotional intelligence, maybe that is already knowledge and I just didn't have it. So I just talk about this book because that is the one I know. Looks very powerful too. The Power of Feelings. And I go a bit along...

[09:35]

That book, because she said it in a way, I could have never find out what is going on with our feelings and within the range of the feelings and what their purpose is, actually. I didn't know. So feelings in general have sometimes a bad reputation, right? Because they come, if you don't really want them, they can be embarrassing. They surprise us. We have no control. Then, yeah, then there is that saying or this image of feelings are more for women, not so much for men. There's the image of certain professions may have feelings, others maybe less. Like if you think of policemen, military, you know, I think they fight their feelings. They don't show their feelings. They don't really work with their feelings. and other professions and areas where it's allowed and even asked for having feelings.

[10:36]

So the reputation is a bit wishy-washy, a bit of mishmash. I think as a society and as a group we don't really know how to deal with them. So they are something and they are something we experience every day they appear. And that much I knew that everything that appears has a right to be because it has manifested already. I knew already not to fight anything that appears, whether it might be a thought, a physical sensation, a person in front of me, a conflict, a pleasant situation. In my life, everything that appears, because it's already there and it has manifested, has a reason. It has manifested. I better find a way to be with it. And again, I also knew it's not suppression, and I knew already it's not living it out.

[11:39]

Then some other positives about emotions, besides that they are disturbing, overwhelming, irritating, embarrassing, and, and, and, and. Let's see what is on the good side of feelings. Actually, any ideas what feelings are good for? Yes? Just joy. Joy. Yeah, there's the feeling of joy, and that feels good. I don't know, allows us to open to the beauty of the world. Feelings allow us to open up to the beauty of the world, yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, thank you. Yeah? What else? Homa? Yes, the first gentleman with the glasses.

[12:49]

Would you speak up? My hearing is not so well. And for the whole room, thank you. It's a form of communication, he said, a signal, yes. Yeah, done. It can be compassion, he says, yeah. Pointing the way to where you're stuck. Pointing to the way where we are stuck. Feelings can show that, yes. It guides our choices. Thank you so much, yes. It guides our choices, well. Do we want to go? What kind of human being do we want to be? And the feelings show us whether we are still in alignment. Yeah. It shows us, they show us changes in life more than the intellectual can do.

[13:52]

On a deeper level, on another level, and I even think on a deeper level, why I call it deeper, I can say later. I could say it actually now because it fits. With the intellectual, the intellectual is good. We want knowledge, we need knowledge, nothing about thinking. We need thinking. We even need thinking now to understand what is going on now. And we need knowledge to understand our feelings and to analyze and to know what's going on there. If we want to open to understand them, it needs some knowledge. And I think one part the intellect cannot do, and that was new to me, to hear it so clear, what the intellect cannot do but the feelings can do, the feeling realm, that is the healing. The healing and changes, deep changes, don't happen on the intellectual level. They happen on another level. That's why we do need...

[14:53]

this other level of feelings. Yes, I think there were more hands. They show where we are. They show where we are, yes. Yes, you all know so much more. It seems about feelings than I do. She said they connect us. It's actually they are about relationship. We connect through our feelings. And these days we talk about a lot about relationships. We work on our conversation skills. There's nonviolent communication. There's deep listening. There's looping. We try to understand each other and to go into relationship. And the feelings are the realm where we do it, where we show feelings. are with feelings of self and others. Thank you so much. They color how you see everything.

[15:57]

They color how you experience the world. Yeah, he said they are a color or the color how we experience the world. That's why maybe so many, right? There are so many different feelings and different colors, yes, and different intensity. And that is important, too, because we tend to accept and like some feelings, of course. Nobody would say no to joy, although some people do. Maybe we have time for that later. There are always exceptions, but mostly people would say yes to joy and allow joy to come. What about fear, anger, shame, you know? And we will talk about those more. So you said yes. And at the very end, as a conclusion, it makes so much sense that my intellect understands that it needs the whole range of feelings to experience life in all its colors, even if we think we might not experience all of them, although I think we do experience all.

[17:10]

We can only be compassionate. There was that word compassion. being in relation with others if we understand actually what's going on in them as well. And we can only relate if we are connected to ourselves. That is, I think, the level on which we can connect, the level of how much we understand ourselves. So instead of... looking at feelings as something that is disturbing or in my way, or maybe later and not now, or this is too much feeling, and maybe at the wrong time, or this judgment going on. You said so many great things, so just let me see whether we left anything out. Feelings indicate that something needs our attention. We did say that. We know that about the body. You know, there is some pain and physical sensation, and we know telling by the intensity that it's necessary to go into action and change anything and do anything.

[18:15]

So we put our attention definitely to physical sensation, and we know that, somebody said earlier, a sign. Also feelings are, yes, they are signals, they are signs. The moment they manifest, I use the word information, they... are actually in relation with us and tell us something about ourselves. So there's information signals coming to us. That's why it's good to turn our attention towards the feelings. Feelings want to be perceived. That's what I just said. That's why they manifest. And this... is something I didn't say in this clarity. Feelings enable us to deal with situations we need them. So again, I knew that feelings are sometimes helpful, but often and often bothersome. But looking at feelings in a way that they are tools actually to live, to deal with daily situations.

[19:23]

So fear, anger, shame, they are all They are energy. They are neither bad nor good per se. It always depends on how we use them, how we understand them, and then how we use them as power or transform them into a power that help us. So they are so much more than just something that overcomes us. And that we do need them, that they are there to deal with situations. I must admit I never put it that way. Something from Vivienne, how she put it. They make us alive. Many people said that in different ways. The color of lives, the color of different feelings. And feelings are not to be observed. In Buddhism and in Zazen instruction, I leave that word more and more, the word observation, because I know it's more. I think I now say it more like in Zazen instruction,

[20:26]

go towards or turn your attention towards, because to observe always means that there is a split, somebody who observes, right, and something that is observed. So if we can bridge that and you can find another word that works for you, that we don't, when we are with our feelings and we feel them, it's not about observing them, although that can be a start. Oh, there's something overcoming me. It can be a start, but if we practice and if we want to get to know more about them, it would be about being with them in another way than observing them. And we might believe it or not, already 10 or 20 years ago, there were scientists and they found out that they are good for the immune system when they are lived in a certain way. So we all know, I think, if we suppress something, may it be thinking, physical pain, may it be feelings, anything we suppress.

[21:30]

Not only that it will remain and comes out through the back door, we say, right? They make themselves be seen at a time we don't like or at a location where they don't belong. So they are good for the immune system, but later I have to talk a little bit more about it. If they are... if they may flow in a certain way. That is this third way I was talking about earlier. So neither suppressing nor acting out. Also the acting out is not the healing yet. It's just one stage. This being good for the immune system for us is being with them in a third skillful way about which we will talk more, but that can be. The feelings, it's always a question of definition.

[22:32]

What are feelings? As I said, in Buddhism, there are three feelings, liking, disliking, being neutral, or feeling neutral. And I think there are many therapies and systems where feelings are defined in different ways. She here, and we today, also because of time, we concentrate on five. She calls only five powers feelings. or vice versa. She says there are five feelings we can turn into a power. And the five are anger, sadness, fear, joy. And the fifth one is, and that is maybe a bit hard to swallow, shame. So all these five we will concentrate on today, anger, sadness, fear. I think the first three we would call, we usually call negative, anger, sadness, fear.

[23:36]

Joy, I think, sufficiently spoken, we would call or put into the category of positive feeling. And shame is a bit different. So shame we also don't... I would say most of us don't like shame. I don't like the feeling of shame that much. And I confess here and promise that I will look at that and be with it. I wanted to make mine and also find the power of shame. And it's not so obvious that shame can be a power, but it can. The first four are more going outward. Anger, sadness, fear, joy. And shame is the only one that is going more inward. It's about self-reflection, shame. That was very surprising to me, the good sides of shame. So each of these powers you can look at in different ways. They have a positive side. Now when I talk about it, I recall it the power side.

[24:39]

It's for me, in Vivian's description, the positive side, the power side. All emotions have a shadow side. And shadow is either too much or too little. And every power we need to know, I think you brought that up, we need to know in life what we want to be, what we want to align with, to not be shaken by every feeling and situation that comes. We have to know about ourselves and what we want. And actually these feelings are a tool to find out, again, somebody said that, where we are in the moment and then where we want to go. and they make it possible to align again. So, let's see. The shadow side of anger, I think, is familiar to us. Either we know it from ourselves or through others. Any idea what the shadow side of anger might be?

[25:39]

Too much anger in this case. How does it show when it's acted out? That is the question. Violence. Violence, destruction. What about too little anger? Inaction. Inaction, right. Being not clear, having no boundaries, and through that not being of help for self and others. That's what I meant by that every feeling and power has at least two sides. Too much is not good or not helpful, and too little is not helpful. And the purpose of anger is actually what you already said. The purpose is action. So let's go through all of them and then we go into examples. Sadness. Can you think of a shadow side of sadness?

[26:39]

Being stuck or being too much in sadness. Depression. Yeah. Depression. Passivity. The power of love, that is her, the power of sadness is love, that is her definition, and the purpose, she said, is acceptance. Anger can also be described in one category as, I can do. Anger is useful in life if there are situations where change is possible. There, anger comes into play either as... or we experience it so far as acting out or maybe suppressing it, if we know that action is allowed and the purpose is action, the power we need about action is clarity. When is action at place?

[27:41]

Let's see, somebody dies. Our beloved one, a beloved one died. Is anger the right place? People do get angry, by the way, right, when somebody dies. When Steve Stuckey died, our former Aberdeer, people left the center. They were so angry that he died. And people ask me whether I was angry. That was not an emotion that came to me when somebody dies. But people do get angry when somebody leaves them, when they die. So can we change anything in the situation when somebody died? No, I would say that is a situation where anger is misplaced. There we need another feeling. And that feeling is grief, sadness. So in situations where we can change something, anger is that energy, skillfully, we work with. If there are situations like that we cannot change, like somebody died,

[28:44]

Other examples, something is a given. And for the moment, and I'm not saying that then you stay with sadness, it's just the first response that we have to go through that feeling of sadness if we want to live it fully. So in sadness we have to do with acceptance, and the inner phrase is, I cannot do anything in the moment. And I do grief. I allow sadness and grief to... to be here. I don't have to overpack it with anger or denial or other feelings that come up when somebody dies. Fear. Can fear be helpful? What do you think? Or do we take the shadow first? Fear in its stuck way, in its negative of too much fear how does it show do you have some suggestions fear too much fear would you speak up you become paralyzed too much fear yes frozenness paralyzed and what is not so in our everyday knowledge and

[30:10]

among our skills and tools, that even fear can have a power and a purpose. Oh, let's do the positive. Can you think of any situation where fear is meaningful? Where is fear meaningful and what kind of situations? In danger, yeah, yeah, yeah. So fear is in situations where we leave the known territory. Fear is in the realm of not knowing, is it new? Will it harm me? And it has, yes, a positive side to protect us. It doesn't make sense to always go out and take it on. There are situations where fear is meaningful. Joy, that is the fourth one, and the so-called positive. I think we all know the... I hope that we all experienced the positive side of joy.

[31:14]

Can you think of the shadow side of joy? When is joy not a place? Or too much joy? No problem. If you are only seeing, if you are too much on the joyful side of seeing no problem and it'll be better, that is being in denial that some situations need grief or anger or fear or sadness. Yes. And it shows and it will show in a lack of compassion. You cannot relate to people in an adequate way. Yeah. Shame is the fifth one. What would you say is the shadow side of shame?

[32:16]

So too much shame, but it's not helpful. Yes, please. Guilt, yeah. Guilt, and what was the second? Hating oneself. That is definitely the too much self-hate. So that is the shame we usually maybe know what we think what shame is. It's a little of a turn here going into the positive. Could you imagine, before I tell you how Vivian Dittmar came to that conclusion, could you imagine that there is a positive side of shame? Yeah, there's some nodding. You want to say it? Yes, do you know the book? Yes, she said, self-reflection, and it's the point where we can change our behavior.

[33:20]

So shame, what is shame? Again, when we allow it of being a force, a life force, a power, not already knowing shame I don't want, shame is bad. So what is actually coming up when I feel shame, the first is, oh... There is that, oh, I did wrong, or, oh, I wish it hadn't happened. And it can go on the positive side into a self-reflection of, hmm, is that what I wanted to do? Can't I do better? Yes, I can do better. I want to align again with what I want to be. That would be the positive side, the power side of shame. What often blocks feelings... Oh, surprise. Oops, it's 5 to 11. What often blocks feelings and that we get into a relationship with them are many things you mentioned already.

[34:26]

We don't want them. We don't know how to deal with them. They are embarrassing. And... coming from the mind, there are blocks, you know. In society, there are so many absolutes, how we should be, how we should behave, that we think they are not allowed, like fear, you know. Fear is, yeah, boys shouldn't have fear. I know that it's old, but I think in my, I know that in my generation, in the 60s, I still heard that little boys don't cry and they don't have fear. So if we get stuck, if we don't know that we are almost broken, We are programmed by society with absolutes. And we have even more absolutes if we are not aware of it and if we don't pay attention, if we choose a religion or a philosophy. There's so much dogma. Also in Buddhism, we really have to watch to be a good Buddhist. A good Buddhist is always compassionate.

[35:27]

A good Buddhist doesn't become loud. A good... Buddhist has to save all beings. Do you feel the load? Do you feel the load? Yeah. It's good that you can laugh about it. That is very freeing. So it is something we have to work with. We can't just take this on. If it's not really ours, we can work with it. We have to turn it and make it ours and our way. And if within that dogma fear comes up, anger comes up, you know, I... I want to find a way to express it. I know it's not healthy for our lives, not only physically healthy, not healthy for my immune system. I mean, I think it's worthy to live the full range of our feelings. And again, it's not that Buddhism does not talk about it. We do have the teachings that say, be with, and that is actually...

[36:29]

one of the first and the most important teachings, and only teachings that you can even separate them from Buddhism, it's Eckhart Tolle, it's many other teachers, it was Bhagwan. Being here, being in the present with whatever happens on the physical level, on the emotional level, on the mental level, but these feelings can only be felt in the presence. So this Buddhist teaching of being in the here and now, besides the three feelings the Buddha talks about, I got now, and I shared with you, this new tool of being open and open ourselves up to even the so-called negative feelings. And I have to stop soon, so I cannot tell you, and if we have questions and answers, we can go a little bit more into it later. But I hope that I opened your curiosity to look more into that and even the promise that there are powers and that they enable us to live our life in a rich way.

[37:42]

So let's see what would be important for everybody. Yeah, these five... there are many more things we feel, but she doesn't call them power. She says there are more categories, so we do feel on the physical level. She doesn't call physical sensations feelings. They can be called feelings, but we call them physical sensations. Then there are a lot of feelings, I feel hungry, I feel thirsty. These she calls are also motherly love. These she calls like biological. So I know that we feel many more things, and she's much better than me, in having all these categories where we find, is that actually a power or is it more a biological thing? Or when you think of the book, The Art of Love, you think that love is a feeling. I mean, that I knew a long time already, that love for me is not a feeling. I know that we can decide to love.

[38:47]

That's what Jesus Christ said, yes? If Jesus Christ had meant love is a feeling, then we would always be depending on feeling it all the time. Love is a decision. To trust is a decision. I'm not saying that we can do it all the time. And some people have more reason to trust than others. I'm aware of that. I just wanted to make or give an explanation why she just calls these five a power, besides that we feel so many other things too. There are more. things we feel. And emotions, maybe that is the last point important for everybody. Emotions are the feelings that are not lived through. Emotions are what we experience at the wrong time, at the wrong person, at the wrong location. These are emotions we have sometimes in our backpack, in our storage house of

[39:48]

field of emotions and they were not dealt with, they were not seen, they were suppressed. And what comes out like this, these are emotions and not lived with. So there we have a little separation to work with. I'll let that sink a little bit. I was healthy until last night, although there was a flu going on, and then bad timing the night before I give a talk. I sort of lost my voice, and do you see a connection there? The fear of giving a talk and losing the voice, I mean, how more obvious can it be? but you were very kind. I was a bit afraid because it's not only Buddhist. I bring in some other things that are not only Buddhist.

[40:49]

And I see the bridge, though. I see the connection. We can do this with the Buddhist teachings, Buddha's teachings. And yes, that is it for now. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[41:33]

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