This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Second day of sashim. Pretty difficult. At least for me, during many sessions, that feeling, oh, second day is really impossible. There's always a question, is the third day worse or second day worse?

[01:00]

years ago I learned from an old recording of Blind Lemon Jefferson. You're gonna need somebody on your bond. You're gonna need somebody. On your bond. When it's way past midnight. And death comes creeping in your room. You're gonna need. You're gonna need. Somebody. On your bond. Something like that.

[02:10]

So maybe on the second day of Sashin is the question, you know, who's going to pay your bond? Who's going to relieve you from the prison of your own mind? prison of your own karmic debt. Big, deep question for us. So we have some teachings to offer. You know, when someone pays your bond, you're not off the hook. But you get a little more time so maybe some teachings give a little more time and in that time to practice some deepening of your capacity or your concentration

[03:36]

which then can help to meet what arises. So we have the teaching of hindrances, studying the hindrances. Now we just chanted... our great faith that all the Buddhas and ancestors are helping, are assisting. Right now, at this moment. But when you're feeling encumbered, when you're feeling put upon, it may be hard to see or hard to feel how you're being supported. There's an old... I think a Kiowa Indian, it's kind of a prayer that goes very simply.

[04:45]

It says, sometimes I go about feeling sorry for myself. And all the way I'm being, and all the time I'm being carried on great wings through the sky. Sometimes I feel like I'm I feel, I'm just feeling like I can't go on. But all the while I'm being carried by great wings through the sky. So in this Zen way, we actually don't fear obstructions. We don't fear hindrances. We don't fear obstacles. That's our practice, our practice of fearlessness.

[05:48]

It doesn't mean not feeling fear. It means going on in the face of fear. being willing to be present even though it's impossible knowing that when we say zazen it means that it's impossible for you to sit zazen so make every effort and at the same time realize Who is it? Who is doing this practice? Whose breath is this? Studying, in classical Buddhism, studying the obstructions, there's various ways, but one way is five hindrances.

[07:04]

We say that the five hindrances are desire, ill will, sloth and torpor, restless, agitated mind, and corrosive doubt. various translations so the first two are really understood at a whole range of levels from very subtle to extremely obvious desire and ill will

[08:08]

verse 2, have their roots right in the practice of noting, I would say, awareness of them, is right in the practice of the second foundation of mindfulness, which is awareness of feeling. Mindfulness of feeling. Feeling as the first reactivity. first level of reactivity to any sensation. The first reactivity is right at the point of is there a sense of that this is pleasant or unpleasant. Whether it's a sound or physical sensation in the body or a taste or something. in the visual realm pleasant or unpleasant or neither is it not pleasant or is it just neutral so sometimes you might find that even just a little irritation a slight irritation with something can activate a whole set of bigger stories

[09:37]

of bigger reactions. So it's interesting to notice where one becomes aware of the sensation and the interpretation of it. Now, someone mentioned yesterday, some of these things are hardwired, I'd say, in our DNA, right? Or from our reptile mind, right? We have various brains, right? From our reptile brain we have some survival reaction to things. Before we even begin thinking about it. It's good to appreciate that. Not something to ignore or pretend that you can somehow get rid of that. It's something to fully participate and understand.

[10:45]

Before I go on with the hindrances, I think I'll read a poem that is kind of a coda from yesterday. Many of you are familiar with this poem. It's a good reminder. This is Mary Oliver. I'd say really getting in touch with her life in the woods. in nature in Blackwater Woods the name of the poem in Blackwater Woods goes like this look the trees are turning their own bodies into pillars of light are giving off the rich fragrance of cinnamon and fulfillment

[12:12]

The long tapers of cattails are bursting and floating away over the blue shoulders of the ponds. And every pond, no matter what its name is, is nameless now every year, everything I have ever learned in my lifetime leads back to this. The fires and the black river of loss whose other side is salvation, whose meaning none of us will ever know.

[13:14]

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things. To love what is mortal. To hold it against your bones, knowing your own life depends on it. And when the time comes to let it go, to let it go. So this is evoking a kind of intimacy. To actually see what is, And let it, let the names you have for it drop away.

[14:18]

Let the pond that you know the name of, maybe Blackwater Pond, let it drop away. She says, the fires in the Black River of Loss whose other side is salvation, whose meaning none of us will ever know. So this is pointing to the inconceivable realm that is actually how we live. We actually live in an inconceivable realm and we defend ourselves. We protect ourselves from that. with many ideas it is awesome it's awesome to be here in the presence of the inconceivable and not know and yet have the confidence to sit

[15:43]

right here in the middle of it. Knowing that everything that's ever happened has produced this. Everything that's ever happened is contributing right now to this, this moment. So we say this moment has its own past. So to be present in this moment means to completely accept everything that ever happened. It's right here. No other moment. And this moment is already gone and won't be repeated

[16:45]

So because of this we don't fear obstructions. The obstructions of this moment are the presentation of life. So our practice is not to turn away from anything and to have some kind of sense that what is arising now is arising now because this is the opportunity for enlightenment. There is an enlightenment at some other time. There is only this moment to wake up.

[18:02]

So when we say that there are five hindrances and there's a hindrance of desire, this is pointing to this tendency of wanting something. wanting to add something that this moment is pretty good but or it's pretty terrible so I may want to add relief like yesterday saying give me a new drug I might want to add some relief or I might want a little more of it how much oatmeal to take in the first bowl this morning I was enjoying the oatmeal. I thought, oh, it's wonderful. And we say, you know, we say, let's consider how it comes to us.

[19:15]

Appreciate all the effort that brought us this oatmeal. You know, we used to say, When I first came to Zen Center, we had the translation that said, 72 labors. Any of you remember that one? No. Anyone else remember? Ah, yes, a couple of people. One, two, three. No, 72, that was a later translation. Then, yeah, then we translated it innumerable. But first it was 72 labors. 72 laborers brought us this rice. 72. So the whole culture of growing rice is very precise. You really have to pay attention every day to grow a good crop of rice in a rice patty.

[20:17]

You know, there's all the preparation. First building a rice paddy is not easy. Getting it completely level so that the water, when it's in the little dikes around it, and that the water is exactly equal everywhere. I don't know so much about it. I haven't done it. But I know something about what it takes. And then the rice is, you know, started and then it's been a little individually transplanted into the rice paddy, right? Into the mud. And timing is very important. Letting the water come up to just the right level and keeping it there for so long and letting it go down. It takes vigilant attention just to get to the place of having the rice ready to harvest and then there's harvesting it and then there's winnowing out the grains of rice from the chaff I don't know so much about rice but I do know about oatmeal I know more about oats growing oats

[21:46]

Oats are easier. Still a lot of work. Preparing the seedbed. Now, I grew up in Kansas, and oats couldn't survive the winter, so you have to plant oats in the spring. Here in California, or at least on the coast, you can plant oats in the fall. Still, the timing is important. When I ride my bicycle around in Sonoma County, I pay attention to different fields and whether the farmer got it right or whether he missed the opportunity. Sometimes, you know, if you get your field prepared and then you can sow it just before the first rain, which we had in October, it was perfect. But some people missed it. But oats grows pretty quickly. And I always hated it.

[22:50]

Harvesting oats, I hated it even worse than harvesting wheat. Harvesting wheat? Okay. The reason I hated it was because oats and dust is very fine. And it... kind of gets right into the pores of your skin and burns. So when I think of oatmeal, when I eat my oatmeal, I feel very grateful to the people who are harvesting oats. And not only harvesting it, but also working in the mill where they actually have to, you know, thresh it out and... winnow out the husks because if you get close to it, then it burns. So there's fire in the oatmeal in more ways than one. There's the sunlight, of course.

[23:54]

There's sun. There's earth. There's water. There's the whole atmosphere of oats breathing. Oats has to breathe to grow. There's the fire of all the energy into all the efforts. And there's the fire. power of the mill to roll the oats or to cut the oats. You either roll it into oatmeal or you cut it into a little different texture. Steel cut. There's all the transportation involved. So it helps those oats to really taste good.

[25:05]

Realize, you know, how much goes into a bowl of oatmeal. So then, here's the oatmeal. And you might feel, oh no. I can't eat oatmeal. Or I wanted rice. Amaranth is pretty good too. I don't like quinoa so much. For some reason it's harder for me to swallow the quinoa. I don't know why. I have to keep asking the quinoa. But notice the tendency.

[26:09]

And then if it's sitting there, then we have to do the chant. I'm smelling the oatmeal. Oh, wouldn't it be good just to eat the oatmeal? I have to wait until everyone else is served, and then there's the next bowl, and there's the next bowl. So it is a time to be, to cultivate gratitude for all of the Buddhas and ancestors. All the Buddhas and ancestors are in the oatmeal. And we say, so we went from 72 labors who brought us this rice to innumerable labors who brought us this food. We thought, here in America we don't just eat rice every day. In Japan it was every day rice. China, every day, rice. But here, we must have variety.

[27:15]

Some days it's wheaties. Some days it's sugar-frosted flakes. It's amazing if you go into the supermarket to see how many varieties of breakfast cereal. I can't believe it. and it's actually better just to have oatmeal so then to notice the mind everything that presents this is an opportunity to notice the mind what does the mind do Can one stay present with the experience? Or can one stay present with the reaction about the experience?

[28:27]

Coming back to the breath is helpful because the breath is always a sensation in the present moment. Except for brief times when it stops. Of course, if it stops too long, you're dead. Then you don't have to worry about anything. But if you're living, then there's another breath. So then you can You can actually find yourself in the present moment on the breath. And in addition, you can hear the blue jay. Blue jay is giving his own dharma talk. It's stopped.

[29:28]

So right there is the opportunity to notice whether you have desire or you have ill will. Usually people don't notice the first moment of desire or ill will. Usually people notice a little later on. When it's become amplified. by feeding it. It's already been fed by, and we say, this is our karma. We've been feeding our desire for so many, so many lifetimes. We've been feeding our ill will so many lifetimes. And then we don't like the result because the result is suffering.

[30:45]

And then we have, I really like the language of sloth and pauper. sloth and torpor comes up a lot in Sashin. I think sloth is more like kind of saying, okay, I'm going to give up and indulge myself. And torpor is just like a blanket of of fog, something. One of the traditional images of it. Sloth and torpor is like water that's just covered with moss and weeds. You can't even really see what's there.

[31:55]

You can't see the clear water underneath because it's covered with moss and weeds, pondweed, algae. So, and torpor, it's really, really hard to get. You can't, it's kind of like it's, what's it like? The more you try to get out of it, the more you get kind of blanketed by it. Really difficult. What's maybe easier to see is agitated mind.

[32:59]

There's two kinds. One is really more based on fear. Agitated mind, which is concerned about the future. And the other is agitated mind. because of compunction. Compunction. A word that, you know, if you have some compunction about something, you have some pang of remorse. So something from the past. So pangs of remorse are very disturbing and distressing. So whether... So it's helpful actually to notice, with an agitated mind, it's helpful to notice, oh, is this agitation about the future or is this agitation about the past? Just to notice that.

[34:07]

My mind keeps thinking about, oh, something's going to happen. Something might happen. Something terrible might happen. Something even just a little difficult might happen. I might not make it to lunch. I used to worry, through the whole sashin, I remember, probably for the first five years of sashins, many sashins, I used to worry if I could make it to the next meal. I thought, boy, they're not feeding me enough. There's not enough time. I can't eat enough. Strangely enough, I'd make it the next meal. And then all the time I'm eating, I'm worrying about eating enough. And time would run out and the meal would be over.

[35:16]

And then I could worry for a number of hours about, can I make it to the next one? And if I'd feel sleepy, I'd think, oh, I didn't get enough to eat. Or if I'm tired, I didn't get enough to eat. It was all about eating, kind of. So that was kind of a future agitation, right? Future mind. Although sometimes there'd be some remorse in there, too. Maybe I could have had seconds. but then there would be big remorse coming up oh I feel terrible about all those times that I didn't all those times I was angry with someone all those times hundreds thousands of times I was angry with someone and I either neglected them or I'd

[36:29]

avoided them or had negative thoughts about them. So then this can feed, so ill will can feed into agitated mind as remorse or guilt. And then it all becomes too much. So that can lead to corrosive doubt, the fifth big hindrance, where it seems like, oh, what's the use? I don't believe anything is any good. There's no use in practicing. Sometimes I quit is actually good.

[37:34]

Because you might be quitting your mistaken practice. So as long as you stay in the practice in the larger sense, in the wide field, wide field of practice, So it's good to check, you know, it's good to check in with your self and see, oh, am I doing some, am I doing some mistaken practice that I can stop? Am I setting up something that's actually misguided? Sitting sashin is a help because if you can stay in the sashin, and I mean stay in the sashin in the widest sense, which means you stay in the room as much as you can.

[38:50]

You stay on your seat as much as you can. When you notice you're wandering off, then you come back. When you can't stay on your seat, then you report to the practice leader or to the tenkin. Oh, I can't. It's actually necessary for me to go and I'm sick. I need to lie down or something. But because you have communicated that, you're in communication with the seshin. so you're still in the sesheen. So in that way, we make it possible to be in the sesheen in a wide sense.

[39:53]

there's many times of feeling like oh I just I can't take it anymore I remember and all of these these five hindrances yield I mean there are various practices many schools of Buddhism have say antidotes you can take up as a practice as an antidote to any one of these hindrances and those are maybe are useful to a degree. In Zen, our primary response is to develop, to cultivate concentration. Cultivating concentration, you actually can relieve You offset the karmic power of these hindrances in your concentration.

[41:18]

So you can break through the power of your rage, your ill will. I didn't say this, but of course... Ill will can be a minor irritation or it can go all the way to rage, intense anger, hate, plotting revenge. So when you notice yourself plotting revenge, then it's good to acknowledge that. Here I am plotting revenge. This is one of those hindrances, isn't it? Should I continue plotting revenge? Or should I return to breath awareness concentration? You have that choice when you notice it.

[42:25]

Or somewhere in between, somewhere between minor irritation and plotting revenge, you might notice it. I'm really getting an attitude about something or someone. I'm really dwelling on how annoying someone is. And anything that anyone does can't set it off, right? This morning during Zazen I said, right where you are, I don't remember what I said. But I said that right where you are is a place of perfection, right? That is perfect. And then I thought, so I wonder how many people in the room are resenting that. Doesn't feel like perfection to me.

[43:28]

She must be crazy. So somewhere, wherever you notice, I'm cultivating this particular belief, this particular attitude. When you notice it, to say, oh, okay, this is creating karma. Do I want to continue that? Or do I want to return to breath awareness, concentration, body, being present in this moment. So every moment there's this every moment of awareness there's this choice.

[44:28]

So through this practicing of concentration, you begin to refine your awareness of these tendencies. Thank you, Kitchen. For those of you who are worried about lunch. Looks like It's in the making. So in our Zen practice, we know that developing the concentration offsets the power of karma. Of our karmic tendencies. Temporarily. temporarily offsets.

[45:43]

Kind of sometimes a mistake. People think, oh, when I have some deep samadhi that then erases that karma. That's not exactly. That's not my experience. To completely offset To completely drop the karma of body and mind, one must see it. It's like to actually see it and see through it. To see it means that you're not turning away from it at all. willing to become completely intimate with the obstruction you can't see it unless you're willing to become completely intimate with it this means this is the interplay of compassion and wisdom compassion is the willingness to really be uncomfortable

[47:12]

to be willing to be right with the suffering of the world which is experienced in your own field of awareness so the whole however you feel however it comes up whether it's there's some tension in the body an ache in the head, some fiery emotion. The impulse is to flee. So that's kind of a human reactivity.

[48:18]

or animal reactivity the teaching of this way is that this is a way of compassion all of the bodhisattvas all of the ancestors support you to be willing to be right here with what's uncomfortable with what's unwanted not turning away from it and also not feeding it. Feeding it would be a desire to try to get it to be different or to believe it as if it's absolutely true and then to base some whole edifice on it. So to investigate carefully is to see.

[49:26]

And seeing, by seeing I mean all of the powers of the six senses. So this is how Avalokiteshvara and Manjushri work together. Avalokiteshvara. is willing to hear, willing to feel in intimate detail exactly what is distressing. Even slightly distressing. And Manjushri sees that it is not what I think.

[50:33]

It's not what I think. So this practice is this wonderful. To be willing to see and go through all the stages of thinking it's this way, thinking it's this way, thinking it's that way, thinking it's this way, thinking it's that way. Not turning away from it. So it takes all of this fearlessness. Avalokiteshvara's practice of compassion is fearless. clearly seeing what is when you see it's not what you think it means you no longer you no longer are holding on to any particular belief no particular belief until that moment you have some belief something that you

[52:13]

you think is true at that moment this is Manjushri waking up seeing what is just as it is without a name without any substantial being so this is knowing that as yesterday at the end of the talk I was quoting someone saying death is real So death is real right up to that moment.

[53:19]

So this takes all of the compassion all of the compassionate presence of Avala Kiteshvara to be willing to be present with birth and death. This is Mary Oliver saying to love what nourishes you to love what is your life Know that your life depends upon it. And then, when the time comes to let it go, let it go. So Manjushri is the one who lets it go. Let's it go not by pushing it away, but letting it go by seeing its true nature. Please consider this carefully, as you said.

[54:21]

And bring your own capacity and be willing to go beyond your own capacity because these great bodhisattvas are helping you to be present with what is impossible, impossible to cope with, impossible to get a hold of. moment by moment, let zazen sit zazen. Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org. and click giving.

[55:19]

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