This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Thank you all for coming today to Green Gulch Farm, Green Dragon Temple. All of you who made the long trip over the road, thank you for taking the time to do the ceremony of appreciation for your spiritual path, ceremony of support for your livingness. And thank you also to everyone who's online loyal zoomers maybe a little loud still a little loud i think okay no quiet the middle way the elusive middle way it doesn't mean never quite right the middle way is exactly the medicine for never quite right and and it's never quite right

[01:33]

So I'm feeling right now like I'm coming into my body. I'm gonna put my hand on my lower belly, this area I wanted to talk a little bit about today and that I've been studying in my body and together with others in our practice period here. And just allow the breath to come out from deep down below the navel. Just feel how the breath can originate from that deep belly place and then breathing in letting the belly fill letting the breath come all the way down into that bottomless well of the lower belly so grounding so strong, so resilient.

[02:39]

And I'd also feel like practicing myself and would invite you all to just open your eyes and notice that there's something Notice that there's an experience of seeing, of being alive right here. And if you notice that really quickly, that'd be best. Because in a minute, you're going to start thinking or fall asleep. But right before you start thinking or falling asleep, there's something called just being alive, just being present and feeling that directly. This waking up, there's this wonderful Japanese term that means waking up and touching our life, waking up and contacting what's here. Nothing to do with knowing what's here, just touching what's here.

[04:03]

And how amazing that we're doing such a thing together. Very strange and wonderful to be alive. And even more strange and amazing that we're doing that. We're in it together. We're in this space. We're in this being alive together. Just wanted to begin by appreciating that and remembering that. My attendant this morning said that I seemed nervous. So this is my medicine for myself. Come into my belly and to wake up to what's here. So it's a bright and beautiful day here at Green Gulch.

[05:21]

I think maybe it's not a day that people are regretting having made the trip, as is often the case at Green Gulch. So we're in this kind of fresh glow after the first really hard rain that we had yesterday. Maybe others of you in the Bay Area felt that cleansing, pounding rain. And here at Green Gulch, I'm not sure about where you live, but here at Green Gulch, with the rain, come the newts. Just an explosion of newts everywhere. Baby newts. Tiny baby newts. Smaller than the pinky, most of them. All over. I hope that everybody has had the experience of meeting a newt. If any of you don't know what newts are, they're like salamanders. They're a lizard, a very inviting lizard-type creature.

[06:27]

It's small salamanders with a kind of watery, vulnerable, which is part of, you know, they're so, they're really cute. They have these giant paws and these big eyes. And you just feel their vulnerability. They're completely exposed. You know, lizards have scales and skin and stuff. And the newts are just helpless. They're just soft and watery and exposed. So our heart goes out to them. And they cover the ground. And they come from... emptiness really i don't know where probably somebody i guess they come from eggs i have found a nest of eggs but really they just come from nowhere they just come from you know the same place that you come from after you breathe everything out and then inhale they come the same way that when the rain falls then they just arise emerge so we don't see them we go months you know with

[07:43]

see a new here and there and they're kind of dry and then it rains and they're everywhere and so soft. We have had some extraordinary experiences in my family here at Gringolts with newts and so we record these experiences in our calendar. For example, january 22nd of 2021 was 111 newt day so that's that's our record 111 newts spotted in one day last year 76 newts on december 27th and nobody counted we were too busy to count yesterday but i think yesterday would have been in the running a whole lot of newts.

[08:44]

So we're here at Green Gulch in a practice period, sitting Zazen and studying together and practicing Zazen through care for the temple together. And we also have the privilege in this practice period of having a Shuso, a head priest, a head student, head trainee who is guiding the assembly in following the schedule and wholeheartedly practicing every single moment of the day and night. And as she saw, Steph gave a very beautiful Dharma talk on Friday night where she shared her understanding, her feeling, at least in that moment, That our practice of Zen is to understand and experience every single thing that arises as though it were a baby reaching its arms out to us.

[09:56]

Reaching out for our embrace and our care. And that as we meet each thing reaching itself out to us for this tender care as we allow that and meet that we become transformed as she said our hearts turn inside out right inside facing through this practice of hearing that feeling that reaching out of each thing turns inside out covering the whole whole world so that's zen practice if any of you wonder what's in practices That's it. It's this tender welcoming of every single thing and allowing the mutual transformation moment after moment through that encounter, through that welcoming.

[11:01]

So then, you know, as the land does respond and participate in the teaching, This is an established principle in our practice that the whole world responds and participates in the teaching. So the land heard this teaching and produced countless baby newts to drive the point home to those of us with these scaly, thick hearts that didn't quite get it. The next day, Everywhere we walked, there's baby newts with their giant hands reaching out to us, including in some very strange places like here in this building in Cloud Hall. I realized I don't know if they crawled in or if they hatched from the walls. So they're everywhere calling. You know, a lot of them are in the right place.

[12:06]

Did they get loud? They're in the right place, and they're just there reaching out for our welcome, our love and appreciation. And sometimes we find them in a very difficult place, like the dorm here, with all of these feet, which is not where a new should be. And it's wonderful and simple and so straightforward to help a baby newt. There's no kind of spiritual practice required in order to help a baby newt that's inside a building. You don't know how to do it. My hands, at least, feel very huge and dangerous and clumsy trying to help this baby newt. But there's no...

[13:09]

where necessary, in order to find the feeling of your own being just reaching out to meet the reaching out of this tender and fragile being. It's just the most natural and simple thing possible. I also am aware and my The Levitt Sangha helps me become aware that I am irritated a lot of the time. But with the baby newts, I was not irritated. There was no irritation about the baby newts in the building, even though that's not where they were supposed to be. I had no feeling of rejecting or pushing away or eliminating these baby newts. And I also didn't want to collect them or keep them or hang on to them.

[14:12]

We had in the past with my kids here, we had talked about, we had floated the idea of putting a whole bunch of newts in our bathtub so that we could always be close to them. But, you know, I think it just didn't really feel right at the end of the day. There's something about the love, the tenderness that you feel towards a little newt that's not so clingy like that. I don't need the newt to go away and I don't need to keep it either. I just want it to be well. I want it to be safe and to flourish as a newt. I don't need to keep it and I don't need to kill it. And it's just love. It's just spacious, loving, welcoming, appreciation, intimacy. So this to be, to elaborate in light of this teaching from the land that builds on the Shuso's teaching, every single thing is a baby newt reaching out to us, every single thing that arises.

[15:31]

That's our understanding that's been passed down through the ancestors. for thousands of years. Every single thing is just a baby newt. So certainly we can see that every being, you know, each of you and everyone you encounter, every person, every animal has this essential nature, this quality of fragility and being available, reaching out for welcoming Every person, every animal, and also every grass and tree and teacup and tile is reaching out to us for our embrace. And the Shuso's teaching and our Zen teaching goes even a step farther than that.

[16:41]

And it's not just that everything out in the world is calling for our compassion, to use Tenshin Roshi's phrase. Everything is calling for our compassion. Not only everything out in the world is calling for our compassion, but everything in our experience. So every sound is reaching out for our tender welcome. Every play of light, every sensation, everything that arises is asking for intimacy. And if we take that all the way in to the most immediate, most intimate, and maybe demanding dimension, we can notice that every single thing that arises in us,

[17:44]

all day long is just the same. It's nothing other than calling for a tender welcome. I usually think of my life as kind of complicated and busy and like I have various things to do other than just welcome with tenderness every single thing that arises. But the Zen teaching is there's one thing to do. There's actually never two things to do. There's only this one thing to do, which is whatever it is, it is welcome. So everything arising in me, every single thought, what should I do with that thought? I know. Welcome. Every emotion, every pain, every joy, every flash of anger or confusion or sadness every moment of greed every word that we hear every word that we say is just asking for this practice of welcoming including

[19:01]

I don't need to keep you in the bathtub. And I don't need to kill you and purge my mind of you. You're just welcome to crawl in and crawl along your way. So you may have some doubt about this. Like I know a second, I know some other things that we need to do. I've got some other, I don't know about you, but I have some other things to do. So then our practice, maddeningly is okay welcome that just welcome that feeling that doubt can't be that simple can't be that simple that that doubt is welcome in that space or maybe you're excited and feel i want to welcome everything all day long that is welcome included arises and crawls away or i don't understand or how do i get out of this meditation hall whatever it is what if there was nothing to do with this feeling nothing to do with this thought but just

[20:46]

welcome it and include it, allow it. I think a lot would change if we lived in this way for the better. There's a Theravadan teacher, I think it was Ajahn Chah, who had a wonderful expression that I've thought a lot about, which is, All of your thoughts are garbage. That's a wonderful expression. Wonderful teaching. Absolutely true teaching from our Dharma friends in the Theravadan lineage. All of your thoughts are garbage. In other words, there's nothing for you in them. It's not even good garbage, you know? It's not like Whole Foods garbage. It's just garbage.

[21:50]

Knowing, feeling, understanding completely that these thoughts are garbage. There's nothing for me in these thoughts. Then we just return to our actual embodied present life where we are right here, where we're connected with each other, with everything, where we're able to respond with compassion, with understanding, with energy. Right here, this actual lived embodied ground of our life. Throwing away all our thoughts, we just return right here. Embodied presence. Our Zen practice, the spirit of Suzuki Roshi, especially, is a little bit different. That spirit I would express as all of your thoughts are baby newts. All of your thoughts are baby newts. We don't keep them. We don't get rid of them. We just respect and appreciate and love and let them go.

[23:00]

If they're blocking the path, then we find some way to pick them up and put them back in the bushes. If they're in a good place, we just let them be. No grasping. no pushing away, no running towards anything, no running away from anything. This is our practice of love and of wisdom. I've been wondering, why is it so hard to see everything as a baby newt?

[24:01]

And I feel renewed, I guess, in my intention to try a little bit harder to notice that everything is calling for that same welcome and that in my being, in my nature, is that same easy, tender care that I have towards the baby newt. In my nature, that same love is available for every single thing. If only I can align. But why is it so hard to see? Already, you know, it's still morning and probably you've seen lots of things that you didn't think were baby newts. Why are we so fooled? So I think it's good to reflect on our own responsibility for that and try a little bit harder. to see through to the newt-ness of everything. But also I respect that some of these newts are extremely crafty.

[25:03]

They are very well disguised. They put on these scary masks and roar, you know, through everything they can to keep us from seeing that it's a baby newt. It takes a lot of composure and clarity and wisdom and discernment to see through that mask, to the nature, the tender, fragile nature of each thing that's arising. You know, a giant wave of anger doesn't feel like a baby newt. It's a very well disguised baby newt. And some of them, you know, are disguised in glitter and gold and tempest, shiny, shiny newts. We don't see the new, we just see the shine, something to get that's gonna make my life better or something to get away from so that my life gets better.

[26:11]

This is what the Buddha said, our basic problem is, we think we don't have something, so we're trying to get something we don't have. And then we think we have something that we shouldn't have. So then we're trying to get away from what we do have. Basically, our life is going to get better as soon as we get something or get rid of something. And you may have a list. Some of it is conscious. A lot of it is barely conscious. Not quite right. Trying to get away from something and get a hold of something else. So there's a saying that's been coming to mind. I've shared it with a number of you, but I wanted to repeat it here today. This funny saying that I encountered quite a while ago in a book about Zen, an old book about Zen. I think the book was Zen and Zen Classics by R.H.

[27:13]

Blythe, one of these very early English language books about Zen. And he says, there's a Zen expression, which goes, when a person waves a stick at a dog the dog goes for the stick when a person waves a stick at a lion the lion goes for the person it's a very aggressive you know uh image but it it landed it landed you know years and years later it's still i appreciate it i really appreciate that encouragement to stay with the heart of the matter, to stay with the most important thing. So in this image, the dog is our small mind, my confused nature that's always chasing something, that's just going for this and that, entranced by the waving stick.

[28:19]

And if someone asked me or someone asked that dog what was happening, the dog would say, there's a stick that's moving back and forth. And it's very exciting and a little bit scary. And that's what's happening. The lion, you know, the lion that is belly, that is powerful and strong and has this incredible capacity. to be itself and to receive each thing as itself, in that power, it's not confused. It can take in the whole situation. It can welcome everything and just see right through, see right past the stick to the person. So here's the coming together, forgive me, of these animal metaphors.

[29:31]

The dog is fooled by these newt disguises. The dog sees these glittery creatures and these scary monsters and is very excited and confused by that. The lion sees the newt. The lion sees there's just a baby newt. And it takes that kind of strength, that kind of power to see that and to stay with that. And that's this dynamic in our practice of understanding how the great strength that's cultivated in Zen practice is a strength that allows us to love. It's a strength that allows us to welcome everything, to not be so confused by the stick and just see the nature of each thing, which is reaching out, calling for our welcome, calling for our compassion. Not being confused by I like it, I don't like it. That's a good thing, that's a bad thing. Just staying with. This is just a moment to do the one practice of allowing, including, welcoming.

[30:34]

So another story or image that really moved me recently in the study of... the body really in the study of the body and sitting meditation which is the theme of our practice period we had a visit from shows on vicky austin who some of you may know a long time zen teacher and elder here at san francisco zen center one of the first teachers to really go deep in the intersection of the practices of zen and yoga and she offers yoga for sitters that really to support the sitting body embodied practice so i mentioned to her that one of my focuses in this practice period has been just this lower belly

[31:48]

center practice, what we call the hara, this breathing from the lower belly, being in the low belly. The hara is the best. It's the place, it's not confused by anything because it's not thinking about anything. It's just the center of our being it's called the field of the transformative elixir or the ocean of energy this low belly center so we sit connecting with that center and of course we chant from that center and we allow the breath to come home to that belly center this place of vast strength and composure and welcoming.

[32:57]

So a lot of our practice and training in Zen is to rely less and less on the mind and more and more on the belly, the embodied intuitive wisdom. Our mind is great, you know, for what it does, I guess. but we depend on it for things that it's not so good at, like living. You know, the mind can decide stuff for us. It can pick between things. It likes to measure and compare and evaluate and decide what to get rid of and what to get more of. So then we're always referring to the mind for how to live our life. And surprise, the mind gives us, you know, what to get rid of and what to get more of and what's better and what's worse. And so then we live in that way and it doesn't go great. And then we come to the Zen center. And then we encounter this teaching that the mind can't include everything. The mind is, I hate to say it this way, but the mind is kind of violent in that all it knows how to do is carve up the world and then weigh things against each other.

[34:07]

Maybe it knows some other stuff. I don't know. That seems like its main thing. naming things, carving things up, and then deciding which we should get more of or less of, what's good and what's bad. So our practice of welcoming every single thing, including everything, and then letting our action come from that connected, all-inclusive place, that's not something that the mind can do. The mind can get interested in that. The mind can say, I want to help with that project. The mind can say, I vow to help with that project, but it has no idea actually how to... participate in that all i can do is say thank you mind for agreeing to participate in this great vow um please sit next to me while i just become this belly just become disembodied intuitive wisdom as i was saying to the practice period that when so that one day when i think of myself i won't think it's here

[35:12]

but I'll feel that it's here in the belly. So this teaching is very important to me. This way of talking about and connecting with experiencing our embodied intuitive wisdom. It was emphasized a lot when I practiced for a time in Japan. And then when I came back from Japan and met Sojin Weitzman, who was... all belly no um everything welcome and no idea just intuitive responding to each thing sojin was a real lion not confused by any of our stories our scary stories our amazing stories but just right seeing right through from that strength so anyway i was telling chosan that we had been exploring aura and she of course understands that practice and understands how essential that is for our physical practice of zen

[36:38]

she had us do this exercise which is not such an unusual exercise but it impacted me quite strongly where we stood and aligned our aligned our body so that our spine was upright and our belly was strong and we were centered straight forward aligned straight ahead facing our life and then she had us with our feet facing forward And then she had us widen our stance and turn out our left foot. Any of you maybe have done a practice like this. Stay facing forward, but now turn out your left foot. The idea is, can we stay aligned facing forward while our foot does something else? And our leg and our thigh.

[37:49]

And we keep that straightforward alignment. So we're standing there, turning our foot, and she said something like, oops, when your foot turned, your belly turned. In other words, your hara followed the drama. I love that. That's been the tape in my mind. Your hara followed the drama. There's something, the hara is aligned. But then that worked well. That was the only thing happening. But then something really exciting and interesting happened, which is the foot. started moving. And then once the foot serves, I go, oh, what's over here? The whole body kind of turns. The hara followed the drama. I couldn't stay aligned. I couldn't stay straight ahead in the swirl. Got literally twisted out of shape by something interesting or something scary happening. this embodied experience of what is it to just stay straight ahead you know like the lion rather than getting turned so that's what i wanted to offer today this encouragement

[39:08]

to be very sincere and very strong and sort of relentless in our effort to stay with the most important thing and not let ourselves get distracted by the waving stick or the newt disguises to stay with the one thing that there is to do moment after moment with whatever arises which is just to allow it and welcome it into this wide embodied warm field of our life It might seem like if we're strong, we're not affected.

[40:25]

We're not vulnerable. But the wisdom of this teaching is that we need that composure in order to be vulnerable. So this practice of vulnerability, of opening, of tender, loving, welcoming, takes this kind of effort to stay centered, stay in our body, not lose sight of the most important thing, which is How am I going to live in this moment? Is this really a situation that's calling for something other than compassion? I think and believe that a lot depends on our practicing in this way, on our not being fooled. There is so much that is so ready to fool us into thinking that baby newts are very rare and special.

[41:29]

And actually, our mind and heart and the world is full of actual scary monsters that we need to eliminate and run away from. So much at stake in seeing, daring to see daring to stay with this tender, fragile nature of every single thing and meeting that request, that reaching out of each thing, meeting it with love, which is to say, welcome. I don't need to keep you. I don't need to push you away. Any merit that comes from our doing such a practice is really for everyone. is for all beings in the suffering world so we dedicate the merit of our practice and thank you very much for your kind and sincere listening you're trying to stay with the point we do that for ourselves and for each other and for everyone

[42:44]

Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:16]

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