Hello again. So I wanted to mention a few things about the upcoming weeks. On Tuesday morning, Karina and I are going to go to Green Gulch, along with a number of the other folks from Enso Village who will be participating in the January intensive that's held every year. Tension Reb Anderson leads the intensive. And so this may be the last time he's going to be moving up here next year or later this year. So it may not happen at Green Gulch again. So that's one reason that we're going. So we've been packing up our robes and our oreochi bowls and so on, getting ready to go. So I think it'll be working fine for me to hold our gathering on Sundays at five. So I plan to do that. And if there's, for some reason, it's a problem, I will let you know. And the other thing I wanted to mention is that the people who have been came and joined me for the precept study group on Wednesday evenings, we had a four week or five week conversation about precepts.

[01:23]

And some of those folks would like to continue studying for precept ceremony for receiving the Bodhisattva precepts. And I have those names and I'm going to be sending you all an email arranging for us to meet. privately on Zoom, and beginning to talk about how the precepts are working in your life. And then in preparation for finding a sewing teacher, beginning to sew, and then eventually, maybe even sometime this year, being able to have a bodhisattva precept ceremony, hopefully a green culture. That would be really nice if we had it there. So that's what I wanted to share first of all. And if you have questions about that later, you can ask me. For this evening, I am basically looking at the next talk in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind. This one is entitled Calmness. And it's followed by a quote from the lecture.

[02:27]

For Zen students, a weed is a treasure. is a treasure. So when I read that introductory line, it brought up to my mind very long and fond memories of my life at Green Gulch Farm, where all of the nourishment that we needed for farming came from the buckets of uneaten food that we gathered. After every meal, we put all the scraps into these buckets and store them, and then eventually they're taken down to the farm. put onto this giant pile of old wilted lettuce and carrot tops and all the kitchen scraps and so on. Then there are also buckets of horse manure that are driven up to the farm from the ranch down below. And then there are also the vast numbers of weeds that have been gathered from the gardens around Green Gulch and all from the farm itself.

[03:28]

So all of that is mixed together into this I wouldn't say yummy, but it's a really powerful brew of compost piles that are right just before you enter the garden at Green Culture, these giant, almost like hay bales or hay stacks of compost. And over time, they magically transform into this dark, rich substance that's then spread onto the fields and out of which our tasty vegetables grow. When the farm first started many years ago, the soil was not so good. It had been trampled on by cattle for many years and horses. And it was a ranch for a long time. So it was really hard and it was like a lot of clay in the soil. And so what we've done over the 30 plus years that we've been there is added these scraps, this nourishment to the land. And now there's a wonderful thick layer of soil down on the farm. creates a really fine product.

[04:31]

You know, our vegetables are pretty highly regarded in the farmer's markets and Marin. So for Zen students, a weed is a treasure. A weed is a treasure. In this talk, Suzuki Roshi begins with some very lovely images from Japanese poetry. One of them, after the wind stops, I see a flower falling. After the wind stops, I see a flower falling. And then another. Because of the singing bird, I find the mountain calmness. Because of the singing bird, I find the mountain calmness. He then reflects on these images as a way to better understand the practices of upright sitting. You know, what's going on there for us? And how the calmness of our actual sitting is not something particularly special. You know, calmness is nice. I think we all appreciate being calm. But what's special is when we leave the zendo and we bring that calmness into the activities of our daily life.

[05:39]

You know, that's when we notice it. When I really notice that I've been sitting for a while is when I leave the zendo and I go outside and, you know, kind of amazed by... the color of the grass and of the sky and of the temperature and so on. It's like fairly soon after leaving this endo, you begin to have this rather wonderful feeling of the contrasts between the calmness and the activity that's going on around you in the world. So it's these contrasts between motion and stillness, or between being upright or being slanted, of partial and complete. or darkness and light, the contrasts of these more or less opposites gives each of them their own value and their own meaning. So without light, no dark. Without up, no down. Without me, no you. So then he tells us that seeing the big round moon in a cloudless sky is not something that we have much of a feeling about.

[06:46]

But when we see the moon peeking through the clouds or peeking through the ivy as one Zen poem goes. There's something very, a feeling of kind of profound appreciation. And I've noticed that myself, maybe some of you have as well, that little peak of a moon rather than that great big orb sitting up there just glowing away. That's nice, that's nice. But it's these little glimpses that seem to have a more poetic value. Many years ago now, a couple of years, I guess, I was leading a practice period at Tassajara. And each morning at 4.30, I stood outside the abbot's cabin with my jisha. The jisha is the person who carries incense for the teacher. So we would be waiting there for the han to finish, the right time for us to take off on our rounds with the incense. And we'd go around to all the altars at Tassajara.

[07:48]

you know, starting with the kitchen, no, starting with the bathhouse, you know, there's a bathroom toilet there by the zendo, and we start with incense there, and then the kitchen, offer incense with the cooks, and we all bow together, and then we go up to the gatehouse and offer incense there, and then we come back and enter into the zendo. So the jisha for that practice period was a really lovely young woman whose name was Carolyn Meister. And she and I would watch for the moon every morning, you know. And it was very dark. And when we get up, it's like 4 o'clock, 4.15 or something like that. So it's still very dark in that time of day. And we would be guessing, you know, trying to figure out, well, where's the moon going to be this morning? You know, we couldn't quite remember where it was the morning before, and it was always different. The moon doesn't have the kind of predictability that the sun does, like it gets up and then it goes down, it gets up and goes down. The moon has this way of changing.

[08:49]

So sometimes it was raining and then there was no moon, or sometimes it was cloudy, no moon. Sometimes there was just a little sliver in the trees. And then once each month, as we all know, the light of the full moon would fill the entire valley with this amazing light, this really different light. The light of the moon is really quite a different kind of light than the sun. And so there were moon shadows that would follow us around as we went to the altars at Tassajara. It's very kind of special. So I miss her. I miss her very much. Some of you knew her. Some of you knew about what happened to her. And I often think of her... when I see the moon hidden behind clouds or in the trees, you know, because she's hidden now. She's hidden behind the veil of her untimely death. And those of us at Zen Center are still in mourning for the loss of this very fine human being. You know, she went on a hike, and she slipped and fell, and many days later we found her, and sadly she had passed away.

[09:57]

So... And yet it's the same time that I say that and I feel that loss. I also feel as though the light of her life is still peeking in on us and still remembering us and still kind of waiting for us in that timeless space where we're all headed for that timeless space. And it was the spaciousness of her life that revealed to us, you know, just like that singing bird reveals the mountain's calmness. Her life reveals the spaciousness from which we come and to which we go. As Roshi says, it's only when something happens that we feel the realm of calmness. Most of us here know that the stillness of our meditation practice is rarely present in the busyness of our daily lives. We very quickly forget our breathing. to notice our breathing.

[10:59]

We forget to notice our posture or to take the care with detail that we might be taking when we're practicing in the monastery or when we're sitting together in the zendo or chanting together in the zendo. We forget. And we forget the nourishing compost of silence and stillness that feeds the wholesome activities of our daily life. So without this infusion that comes from upright sitting, our physical bodies will only know what is appearing to our senses. As Roshi says, we'll just know the weeds, just the trees, just the clouds, but not the bright light of the moon. And then he adds, this is why we are always complaining about something. We're only seeing the weeds. And then, and here's the surprising point, he says it's those particularities of our daily life, the things that we complain about, you know, the weeds, which for most people are worthless.

[12:04]

For the Zen students, they're treasures, right? When we have this attitude about the things that we do, the little things in life, then our life becomes an art form. So here's this... transformation from this idea of weeds being something we don't like, that we really just add to the compost pile, and that's something that provides this tremendous nourishment that really supports whatever it is that we need to be doing. It's the weeds in our life that create the richness, the nourishment that we need to grow. So I think this is why I'm so very fond of the world of the tea ceremony. You know, it's a world of art forms that we humans can do together, you know, including the highly choreographed rituals of how you dress, you know, and how you arrive at the tea garden for the tea gathering, how you enter the tea house or eat the sweets and how you drink the bowl of tea, which we just did together on New Year's Day.

[13:07]

Maya Wender Sensei, who's here and has created a... beautiful little Zen tea house just downstairs from us here. We did tea for three rounds of guests. We had about eight guests of each one. And it was a wonderful time to spend with people, most of whom had not had much experience of Zen and certainly not of tea. So we've had so many nice responses from the people who came and how special it was to watch this ritual, you know, this incredible ritual, all these particularities, which we could say the weeds, you know, that, I mean, it's just a bowl of tea, it's just a sweet, it's just sitting there and watching someone make you a bowl of tea, I mean, not much secret thing going on there, it's just exactly what you see. And there's the treasure, right, right in what we see, and how beautifully it was done. So, so it's, it's so simple.

[14:10]

And yet there are centuries of refined detail that go into creating an experience of life that seems vastly greater than each of the simple parts. Each part of T seems so simple. But the whole of it creates that special feeling, like the moon through IV. So Zazen, on the other hand, Roshi tells us, is not about attaining anything. It's not even something incredibly wise or incredibly beautiful. You just sit in the complete calmness of your mind, not relying on anything. And then he adds that to keep your body straight means not to rely on anything. Just your body straight. When we rely on something in our sitting practice, the right cushion or the right people sitting next to us or the... you know, good lighting or perfect temperature and certainly no sounds, then we're in the world of dualistic thinking in which our body and mind are no longer completely calm.

[15:17]

You know, we're kind of don't like this and I like that. All of that sort of very familiar way of thinking. You know, our longing for perfect conditions and a perfect state of mind is dualistic. It's separating ourselves from the conditions that are actually occurring regardless of what we are longing for. You know, maybe it's a little cold or maybe you're a little uncomfortable or maybe someone next to you is snoring or many other things that people can be doing, you know, nearby. And so how do you find your calmness in the midst of situations that you don't like? You know, well, that's the training. Those are the weeds. that actually give you what you need to sustain yourself and to not rely on anything being just the way you want, just the way you like. I remember that one of the first classes I took at Zen Center was from a young monk at the time whose name is Dan Welch.

[16:18]

He's not a young monk anymore. As he says, he's an old guy. He's an old codger living in the Southwest. He was an amazing and gifted teacher. And so he was giving a class that I went to, and he said this thing about, you know, I like coffee, but I don't like tea. And I thought, why is he saying that? What's the big deal about that? I like coffee, but I don't like tea. You know, what does that have to do with enlightenment? And I was thinking. And I think this talk by Suzuki Roshi is answering that question. You know, there is a very favorite, one of my favorite passages from the foundational teachings of the Pali Canon in which the Buddha encounters a skeptic by the name of Diganaka of the Long Nails. Diganaka of the Long Nails. And the skeptic says to the Buddha, my theory and my view is this, Master Gautama. I have no liking for any theories or views.

[17:20]

To which the Buddha replies, This view of yours, I have no liking for theories or views of any kind. Have you no liking for that as well? And then Roshi goes on to say that in everyday life we're usually trying to do something, or we're trying to change something, or we're trying to attain something. You know, something we like, the way we like it. It's just this trying is already an expression of our true nature. That's part of our nature is to try to get things to be the way we like. So the meaning of our activity, he says, lies in the effort we're making itself. It's in the effort, the trying. So we need to find out the meaning of our effort before we attain something. Like, why are you doing that? What is the point of that effort that you're making? Do you know? Have you considered it? Have you thought about it? I was recently at a Dharma talk given by Susan O'Connell, who some of you know.

[18:22]

She and I practiced for many years together. We're both students of Tension Anderson. And I was on the board of Zen Center. She was the president of Zen Center. She's kind of the primary visionary for the Enzo Village Project. So I've known Susan for many, many years. And she gave this really, a really lovely talk the other evening here at Enso Village for a great many of the residents who came. And she asked us to turn toward one of our neighbors who we were sitting near during the talk and share with them what we think has been or is the primary effort that makes for a satisfying life. So you might think about that for a minute, too. You know, what is the primary effort or activity, in your view, that makes for a satisfying life? You know, this is a particularly poignant question for those of us here who are, you know, nearing the end of life. You know, quite honestly, we know that, and we all know that, that we will most likely see each other pass away one by one, and not knowing who's going to be next,

[19:31]

or anything like that. But we're here and we're ready to help each other. And we've already gone through one person's dying and we're having lots of surgeries going on that we track and care about the folks that are going through various kinds of physical troubles. So what is that thing? What is that effort that makes for a satisfying life? So when it was my turn to speak to someone, I turned to this woman whose name is Margaret. And I was going to say she's an older woman. And I thought, well, we're all older. So that was, there's no special, there's no special quality. But I hadn't spoken to Margaret before. So it was nice to get to know her a little bit. And then Margaret told me that over the last 50 years, she would have answered that question saying, you know, what is the most important effort from having a satisfactory life? She would have said accomplishments. And then she said to me that now, after all those years, I would say kindness.

[20:39]

I got a little thrill when she said that. I thought, that's wonderful, you know? What a wonderful change after 50 years of accomplishment to shift your view of what's the most important thing to kindness. And I don't know if that's... the effect that the Zen inspiration is having on the people who live up here, or if it's just time, it's just some way that aging helps you to open your heart even wider than maybe it's been. But it really, it gave me a lot of hope for these transformations that are happening among those of us living together here in this sweet place, Enso Village. So for her, she said that shift had been revolutionary, had turned her worldview completely around. She says she was both quite surprised by the sea change in her worldview and deeply grateful. So Suzuki Roshi then quotes Dogen Zenji, who said that we should attain enlightenment before we attain enlightenment, says Dogen.

[21:51]

We should attain enlightenment before we attain enlightenment. we attain enlightenment. It's not after we are enlightened that we find the true meaning of life. It's the trying to do something. Trying to find the true meaning is itself enlightenment. Lucky for us. So when we're having some difficulty or some distress, enlightenment is already there. When we are delusional or we are in defilements, we should have composure. And our composure in the midst of the chaos of life, of a life of continuous change, of effinescence, is where we find the joy of what he calls eternal life, which surprised me. That word eternal is not one that we hear very often in the Zen training camps. So I found that that teaching about eternal life made me a little bit uncomfortable. since the other side of that teaching is the teaching of continuous change, that there is no eternal anything.

[22:57]

So the only way I feel at ease with my own preference or my own view to see eternal as not referring to some state or some thing, but rather to see it as referring to the life of the universe itself. You know, a life from which none of us will ever escape, and one that we as human beings will never be totally aware of. So it's kind of in between the worlds. There's no way out of this eternal life, and yet we don't know it. It's already happening, but we don't know it. So I'd love to hear your thoughts about any of that, but in particular about this idea of what is the most important thing or effort that you make in your life that you think is the secret to a satisfying life. What would that be for you? So please, I welcome you to join the conversation.

[24:03]

Hello, Dean. Oh, let me just greet you all first. I appreciate saying hello to you. Go around the block. Hello, Dean. There you are with your hand in the air. Nice to see you. Hello, Helene. Welcome. And Lisa. Millicent. Chris. Hi, Chris. Welcome, Chris. From Georgia. Griffin from next door. Echo. Hello, Echo. Amr. Musho. Tim. Kalkawan. Welcome back. Welcome back. I haven't seen you for a little while. Hello, Brent. Welcome. And Kathy and Nini. There you are. And Jerry. Hi, Jerry. Stephen and Drew. Hello, Drew. Cynthia, surrounded by books. Carmina and Marianne. Shozan. Paul and Kate and Carol. Hello, Carol. And Senko. Good morning.

[25:05]

Michael. Caroline. Adrian. Tom. Kosan. Charles Lee. Michelle. Sayan. and Genshin. Welcome to all of you. It's very nice to have you here this evening, morning, day, world. Dean. Okay. Well, when I heard you say, when we forget the weeds, when we forget the weeds come in, I mean, also the flowers come in. I don't want to just... focus on the weeds. The flowers come in. Everything is perfect or everything is terrible. Both of those are just like that little fish hook dangling in front of my face. But when you talked about that we forget to notice our breath and all that, and I started thinking about all the times today that, oh yeah, I was really judgy about that person.

[26:11]

Oh, I was judgy about that person. I was forgetting to pay attention to all this and And I started to feel a little bit... I started to feel like I could get close to being bummed. I didn't feel it. But I thought, oh, yeah, that's what I should probably be doing is paying attention. But then I went on, and it might have also been because of listening to your words. I was really scribbling away. But it's... What... is when I come back from, oh, I forgot to really be nice or I forgot to, you know, appreciate my chair or the food or whatever it is. When I come back from that is when I feel such contentment when I leave that. And I know that the... the pull or the value of the weeds and the lure of the flowers, the value, that's also a value of the flowers.

[27:17]

When it's like I meet the weeds or I meet the flowers, it's also when I meet contentment. When I, it's also, that's when I feel good when I come back from those things. So what I'd started thinking is, And it's almost like it's the magic. It's the magic that this practice is. That's what it is. And so I don't know if I really have a question, but I would like to hear you and other people talk about, for me, that's when I feel the magic. And I probably also feel it when I'm not in either the weeds or the flowers. Is the forgetting, I mean, we're human, we forget. So it's almost like the forgetting is part of what we need. Completely, yeah.

[28:19]

Yeah, no forgetting, no human. No remembering, no human. So is the same way when we talk about delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them. Well, I'm never going to end them. I love that phrase. Is that sort of like this? is, yes, our intention is not to forget, but we forget, and then we remember that we forgot, and it's like, oh, wow, this is great. Well, forgetting makes no sense without remembering. You know, all of these are those complements, you know? Light and dark are complements. Right and wrong are complements. There's no, like, just wrong or just right. We only know right or wrong because of each other. But they're all on a, what do you call it? Not a spectrum. Yeah. They're all on a continuum. So non-duality doesn't mean there's only one side. It means you've got both sides and you know both sides because you're holding them both.

[29:24]

That's how you know things is by the contrast. Light and dark. Light has no meaning if there's no dark. You don't need a word for light if you've only got light. I like that little thing about the baby fish asks its mommy, mommy, what's an ocean? And mommy, I don't know. How would I know? It's an ocean. So without contrast, without the differences, we have nothing. We have nothing. We don't know. We need it. Exactly like you're saying. We need it. And we need to work it. We're alive. Forgetting, remembering. These are parts of being alive. Right? So we throw the weeds on the pile and then we grow the vegetables. So it seems like it's sort of come down to it's not, oh, I wish I would remember or, oh, I wish I wouldn't forget. It's almost as if what I feel is that, oh, I'm kind of excited that I'm still working it. Working the forgetting, working the remembering.

[30:28]

And it seems like that's... That's sort of like the delusions are never going to go away as long as I'm breathing. Yeah. Those are the four vows. You know, beings are numberless. I vow to save them. What does that mean? How are you going to do that? Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them or cut through them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. And Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. You know, it's impossible. It's just impossible. And we say it anyway, you know, with our whole heart, our whole intention, our whole effort is to try to understand, you know, what that means and how to be that, how to be that one who's taken such a vow, you know. And there's great joy in that. I think when I answered Margaret, the woman who I spoke to, I said, well, I think the transformational effort of my life started with taking vows. I think that was the big shift. that turned in very much the way her life had turned toward kindness, toward others.

[31:34]

Whoever told you to live for the sake of others? I mean, I remember hearing that in school. That wasn't one of the courses that I took in college. So I think that's part of what we're learning is this kind of, from the inside out, this goodness that we wish to be. And then we're always, you know, kind of fooling around. Thank you, Dean. Let's see, Amr, were you next? I think you are. Amr, where'd you go? Well, I thought I saw maybe it was Jerry. Yeah, I thought it was Jerry too. Jerry, did you go away? Did you change your mind? No, somehow it went away and I thought, I'll just accept that. Well, see, we caught you. You caught me. So if I may make a short, I'll make a brief comment. The last two weeks, I've been very aware that that mind-body phrase that we've all heard, most of us have heard in weeks.

[32:43]

Oh, yeah, of course, mind-body. But I'm living it body-mind. I'm realizing that or I'm experiencing. That when my mind starts to do its inevitable thing, and I remember, I get up out of my chair, or I walk a little faster, or I somehow move my body. And in doing that, of course, it affects my mind. And I find that experience very mindful and reminds me that the body, just as the mind affects the body, the body affects the mind. That's been something I've been doing more consciously in the last two weeks than I think I've ever had actually.

[33:44]

Wonderful. I think one of the real gifts of sitting quietly is that, you know, I mean, boredom is always there. There's always a possibility. This is boring. And you have your whole body to check out. You know, you can check out your eyelids and your elbows and you're all parts of your body are there to be experienced in a way that whoever does that, you know, whoever actually spends time. like really appreciating your body and how it feels and all of its parts. So I think that what you're doing in switching the idea from the mind to the body is basically taking that wonderful gift that you have of this body before it's gone. I mean, you know, that's what's going to go pretty quickly. It's going to start to lose parts. You know, the hearing's going, the smelling's going, all of these things are going. That's what we all talk about here. Our memories are... almost completely gone. So we have this opportunity to really appreciate while it's still time, you know, this wonderful amazement of fingers and toes and elbows and walking and standing, talking, you know, vision.

[34:56]

It's amazing. So I'm very happy to hear that you're finding some fresh, some new inspiration. It's amazing at our age, isn't it? It's something new. It is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Amr. Thank you, Fu. I was, I was, while you were speaking, I was, you know, during your talk, I was thinking, I don't have anything to say today, so I won't have to raise my hand. And then when you asked your question at the end, I was like, oh, I gotta raise my hand. I was trying to restrain myself. What did come up for me was, and I'm also curious, so kind of a related topic is, you know, I've been, you know, in your class going through the precepts again, and I found myself keep getting drawn back to the paramitas.

[35:58]

And so I have been kind of curious about the sort of the relationship between the two, but... I think generosity is the thing that came to mind when you were talking about, you know, or asking, you know, what are the things that are starting to develop for you and for me in terms of like, I don't know, qualities of character that I'd like to develop more. And I guess kind of something that was recently came up in that regard. I'm in this never ending cycle of samsara with this one particular person. And, you know, I have very often found myself thinking like, well, what is she doing for me? You know, like, you know, why doesn't she do this? And I don't know, the other day I was just kind of like, well, you know, why don't I just try to kind of sort of set that all aside?

[37:02]

I have gone back. You know, I like Dale Wright's book on the sixth. I mean, to read the chapter on Donna again. And I just kind of went in with the mindset of like, well, how can I be of service here? It was just like, you know, you talk about pivoting. And so there was a pivot and it just felt great. And I mean, the actions just, you know, the nature of the interactions just like really shifted in such a. positive way and and i think the other piece of that was just kind of going in without feeling like okay i'm gonna behave this way and she better be really grateful that i'm being you know just to be able to kind of do it just to do it and so anyway that's what i had to say well i hope you're as proud of yourself as i am good for you Good for you. That's really nice. Well, the Paramitas are the Mahayana training program.

[38:05]

So the first one is generosity, and then the second is shila or ethics, and the precepts are your ethical guidelines. So you'll find those under the second of the Paramitas. But those are basically a training model, which, as you said, well, here's a training element, which is generosity. How can I give? What does it mean to give? And that's the first, the first of the training. So that's a really good place to start. Anyway, thank you for that. Thank you for letting me know what's going on with you. It's great. Hi, Griffin. Hi. I think the real treasure for me this year came because... It wasn't the treasure I was looking for. It was unexpected and surprising. I was experiencing the most unwelcome weed, unacceptable weed, intimate that I had ever experienced.

[39:15]

And having, you know, a little question, well, you know, is there a lesson here? But looking towards something that might... be a personal transformation in a way, sort of self-centered. And what the real treasure was is in seeing myself in another and another in me and the difference, you know, going away. So that, that was sort of an unexpected thing. treasure to see how that separation from others was yeah was seeing yeah the weed made me self-centered and what that separated me from made me really sad because there is such a wonderful because we aren't different that's it

[40:27]

Thank you, Griffin. Nice to hear that. Hi, Cynthia. Well, hello, Fu. First of all, I wanted to say something. Two weeks ago, Jerry said something that was super helpful to me. I don't remember what it was, but it was helpful. And the feeling of being helped, the feeling of his kindness has stayed with me, even though I can't remember what it was he said. And I wish I could because it was helpful. I can't do it. Do you remember what it was? I have no idea. Remember what it was? I have no idea. I was in some dilemma. And Jerry spoke up. And it was like, oh, that is very helpful. But the thing is, the kindness stayed with me. Well, the memory of whatever it was is gone. The kindness stayed with me. And I like that your question was, so where do we put our efforts? So for so long, I put my efforts into helping because that's what you do when you're a teacher.

[41:31]

I think I love teaching because you can practice every minute in that room. The room is full of little Dharma police. It will tell you, oh, Ms. Hager, you're a little mean today. Or Ms. Hager, is that the tone you want to use? They tell you with their eyes or they have their way. And being kind is... You know, when you practice, you feel good. When you're in a classroom, you have to practice or the classroom doesn't feel good. I want to feel good. I want to have anyways, I practice there. But one thing I noticed is there's more to me than being a teacher. And I don't know what it is. The reason I don't know what it is is because my wholehearted effort goes into the. creating into this generosity and kindness and loving interaction.

[42:38]

And then I realized there's something I should probably be doing because I picked up another book and it's called The Importance of Having an Interesting Life through Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley. And they have a lot of books on psychology around things that relate to what we're doing anyway. But I thought, you know, what are those other gifts? I'm really, I practice with my students all the time, but there are other gifts that I have. So when you mentioned, what are you putting, where are you putting your energy? I realized, what if I'm a painter? What if I'm a poet? What if I'm all these other things? I think I'll be a better, I think that's the next step. And I don't have to, the cool thing is I don't have to give anything up. I can still practice in all those other ways. And I can make some room to figure out what are my other gifts.

[43:43]

I remember my therapist saying to me one time, well, what's the girl who has everything supposed to do? And then he said, get some more. Oh, you mean that's okay? It's okay, Cynthia. It's really okay. And I think you will because you have great energy, right, and enthusiasm and curiosity. So all of those qualities are what are going to bring whatever's next that you don't know. They're going to bring it to you, and then you'll choose, and you'll put that energy toward various things. So it's just a great adventure waiting for you outside the classroom. a pad of paper so that I can write down the epiphanies that show up and not forget them, because that's one thing I don't have that I used to have, a much better memory. It's just like... Yeah, yeah. Well, you can try that. I have stacks of pads of paper. I've written down so many things over the years, and, you know, they're just filling boxes right now, and I have no idea, except...

[44:53]

I think it might be good to just let each day have something there, you know, that you don't have to remember, but you'll recognize it. It is a little frustrating to want to remember something so badly and you can't. Like, if I ever remember what Jerry said, I'm going to somehow write it down and then make sure he knows because it was really nice. Yeah, you know, unfortunately, a part of our conversations that are not... passed on to the recordings are the conversation part, because that's private. You all get to say things that are not then recorded and put online. So Jerry's words are lost. And maybe, Jerry, you're going to have to really try to find that. What? Yeah, they are. Anyway. Anyway, but I appreciated the kindness. Yeah, I think that's the main message. Yeah. Yeah. That's what the Dalai Lama said. I know I've told you that many times. My religion is kindness. Yeah. Thank you, Cynthia. Thank you. You're welcome. Hello, Michaud.

[45:54]

Hi there. Sorry, I've missed a couple classes because I was on retreat. Oh, nice. With the village Zendo. And I was very, very busy on the retreat. I'm a teacher there, a student teacher there. And I was also the head monitor, you know, watching over the whole group. We had 65 people in the beginning. Nice. Nice. It was exhausting. The monitor as a person has to make sure that the sangha is okay, and we had a guy who fainted three times, and it just was like a handful. And I was thinking about your question, what primary effort, and I think patience, has transformed me in so many ways from my Zen practice. And I was thinking about this, because at the end of our retreat, just before New Year's Eve, we have this ringing of the bell 108 times. Do you have that sometimes?

[46:56]

Yeah, we did that here. Well, I was so tired. And afterwards, I had to go running to prepare the New Year's party. And so the bell was going so slowly, and I felt like I was on fire. Like, this is never going to end. Like, I'm going to die, like on the cushion. This is like, I was thinking, 108 has gone by, you know, but of course it hadn't. And I was thinking how, I mentioned to someone, I felt like I was at the edge of my patience, but I wasn't. I sat there and I listened to the bell and I hem and hawed about it in my mind, but I didn't die. I didn't burn up in flames and it was okay. And I think that's one of the great things about this practice. You sit and you wait and eventually get tired of waiting and you just sort of be. What do you think of that? Yeah, I think that's right.

[47:57]

That's right. We've all survived some amazing, you know, embarrassments of all kinds, particularly in the Zendo where it's, you know, it's so obvious that when you... you know, drop the pot of soup or whatever it is you've done that you'll never forget. But what a gift to us. It is. Where else would we get this opportunity to put the value on patience, on generosity, ethical, ethical understanding, you know, energy, you know, the paramitas, concentration. It's like, what a wonderful gift to have these teachings as guidelines for us, you know. So we didn't make them up. We're the ones that receive the gift of the Buddha Dharma. And now we get to offer that to others, which is what you're doing. And the great joy of that, even when you're cranky. Exactly. You're still out there ringing the bell and feeling really great, you know. Or just to know you're cranky is a revelation.

[49:04]

You can walk around and be cranky all day and have no idea. That's right. That's right. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. Thank you. Welcome back. Thank you. Hello, Chris. Good evening, Phu. Good evening, everyone. So I thought it was really quite beautiful starting off with the remembrance of Carolyn and the seeking out the moon. Having known her and having worked in the garden with her, that was really That was wonderful to think about and also to think about with her life being so short, really, and thinking about my life, thinking about really what the importance of my life is, having a memento mori, so to speak, of that remembrance of really what this life is all about and thinking about the moon,

[50:08]

The moon and what Suzuki Roshi said when he died of remember, forget. The moon's remembering the light every month, and it's forgetting the month, and it's forgetting the light, and it's going through this process of remembering and forgetting, it seems. And so it is for my life. And I'm just thinking about this remembering, forgetting, the moon. You know, when you were looking for the moon and couldn't remember exactly where on the horizon it would rise and fall, does the moon ever remember where it rises and falls? And it seems like it just does it on its own. And it's a beautiful thing. And to think about that in my life, the rising, the falling, the reflecting, the reflected, what's held, what's not held. this process of how I'm relating to my life.

[51:13]

And it's just a really beautiful question that I have not thought about for a little bit. And to think of it in the context of the moon and these cycles is just beautiful. So thank you for sharing that. I don't know if there's a relationship there between the You know, right now it's escaping my mind, the circle. But it just seems like this process is just so beautiful to think about. And I'm excited to, not excited, but I'm encouraged to continue to reflect on this. So thank you. You're so welcome. And, you know, all month long you have this chance to be in relationship to our wonderful moon. And it's changes. And it's amazing. It is an amazing. It's an amazing thing that has been gifted to us.

[52:16]

This whole thing. A planet. A sun. A moon. I mean, it's kind of too much. Embarrassment of riches. And here we are complaining. It's amazing. And so wonderful. Sorry to interrupt. So wonderful to think about the The precepts and the ceremonies and renewing the precepts and the vows monthly with the remembering and the forgetting. Well, yay. Right over there in Georgia, it's happening. Thank you, Chris. Yeah, you're holding the fort for us over in Georgia. I appreciate it. Yeah, we do, you know, we called the full moon ceremony for a long time. It wasn't really about the full moon, it's a bodhisattva precept ceremony. And the moon is a very old Buddhist ritual, some of you may know, it's one of the oldest. The monks, or the early days, were out in the forests meditating by themselves.

[53:20]

So then once a month they would come together and chant their precept vows and make their confessions and repentances and then go back into the forest to practice with their vows. So the clock was the moon. So when the moon is full, come to the clearing, and that's when we'll have this precept ceremony. So we oftentimes, I mean, we kind of make a mistake in thinking it's about the moon rather than about the precepts. So now, because at Enzo Village, the folks here who are fond of doing full moon ritual, like doing ramming and doing different practices, that they like to do, we thought, well, why don't we give them the full moon and we'll take what I'm calling the no moon. We'll do the new moon ceremony when you can't see the moon. So now we're doing a no moon ceremony halfway through the month. And it's very sweet. It's actually kind of clarifying because it's now, we clearly are calling it the Bodhisattva Precept Ceremony.

[54:26]

And so just a little bit of... extra data for our evening. Thank you, Chris. It's good to see you. I think there was another hand. Helene, were you putting your hand up or did you change your mind? That's okay if you did. I just wanted to say that for me, for Zen students, a weed is a treasure. spoke to me about gratitude for everything. And that if you didn't. Which includes the. It's. Again, the duality. And the. On the next page. It speaks to even though you do not feel anything when you sit, if you do not have this Zen experience. You cannot find anything.

[55:28]

You just find weeds or trees or clouds in your daily life. You do not see the moon. And for me, that was a description of the ultimate truth and relative truth. Right. But for Zen students, a weed for which most people is worthless is a treasure. And with this attitude, whatever you do, Life becomes an art. Which I think is so beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And we're all artists in our lives, aren't we? Yes. And that's the joy of our life is making art from what we do. And seeing it as art. Not just chores, you know. Right. It's just having that feeling, again, of... Everything being a ritual. Yeah.

[56:29]

We're in the process of packing up to go to Green Goats right now. And it's looking, you know, we're getting better at doing it as ritual and not just chore. You know, like... making a list, checking it twice, finding out what we need to take and how much and packing it nicely and all that, you know, leaving ourselves enough time. So I think there's a way that we can do almost anything in much more of a careful and ceremonial way. And how nice that is. Yeah, and it's leading life with the precepts. having this ritual and ceremonial way of going about things, completing things. Yeah. And maybe not even needing, it's kind of like the list evolves. It comes forth.

[57:33]

Yes. You don't even need to make the list. You don't. That's right. That's right. That's right. It just comes to you, you know? Yeah, I know. It's really, Amazing how much this practice and these teachings have changed all of us and continue. We'll continue. You know, I'm very excited about seeing what's happening among the folks here that many of whom I never met before, and they're just incredibly lovely human beings. And what's even more interesting for a lot of you who came through the 60s, not so many of you, I think, but those of us who are from the 60s, you know, A lot of these people, it turns out, spent their, you know, their late teens and early 20s living in ashrams or living in communities here and there all over the place. It was like, wow, you know, it's quite extraordinary how many different traditions exist. popped up in New York and also San Francisco and other places.

[58:36]

But those are two of the hotbeds of spiritual traditions arriving in America in the 60s. And a lot of these people, I'm beginning to find out, did a great many things. And then they got jobs and they did real things. You know, had families and sort of forgot about it. But it's all coming back now. You know, they're having a renewal of their enthusiasm for spiritual questions. And anyway... It's really a new infusion of enthusiasm that I'm certainly feeling. I think a lot of us are feeling about this new adventure here. So thanks for being on the train. Thank you for having me on the train. Yeah, you're very welcome. Lots of room. Yeah, lots of room. Hi, Jerry. Did you remember? No. I didn't remember. But I want to say. I find this time on Sundays deeply kind and very respectful and open-hearted, all of us.

[59:41]

And this evening, I'm motivated to say, because I've been so cranky the last several weeks because I moved residences after 18 years, a small event in my life. I'm getting to wonder from this evening, who are we to say that our crankiness is not the enlightenment we see. Why should I judge my crankiness as something other than what it is, which is just part of my enlightenment, isn't it? Totally. There was this guy, maybe some of you knew Lou Hartman, Blanche Hartman's husband. Oh, I knew Lou and Blanche. Okay. Well, Lou Hartman was Mr. Cranky. You know, he was a professional. You may be good at it, but he was really good at it. You know, it was sort of his set position. And he went to a ceremony, the Shosan ceremony, where you go up and ask the teacher a question in front of the whole group of people. We're all sitting there.

[60:43]

And one after another, you go up and ask a question in front of everyone. And so I think it was Mel who was sitting on the seat on the throne in the middle of the room. And Lou went up and said, you know, I'm just... I just don't know why the world is terrible and nothing's going well. And, you know, he kind of did one of his like cranky spiels. And he said, you know, I just never be happy. I don't think happy is a thing. And Mel said to him, Lou, you are happy. It's this big smile. I've never seen him smile before. This huge smile on his face to be acknowledged that actually being cranky was his thing. You know, it really kind of made him happy in a very funny way. And he certainly made all of us happy to have that kind of contrast, you know, around all the time for us to welcome and to not reject, you know, to include it. It's included. So welcome.

[61:45]

Thank you for reminding me what he said in the front of Cloud Hall. We were meeting in Cloud Hall just 25 years ago, whatever it was. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What a guy. What a guy. All right, everyone. It was lovely to be with you, as always. I hope you're well. And I'm hoping we're leaving on Tuesday for Greengold Farm. And I'm hoping to be able to be online next week. And if I'm not, you'll know why. Something went wrong, but I think it's going to work. So I hope to see you next week. And please take care. If you'd like to unmute to say goodbye, you're certainly welcome to do that. Namaste. Namaste. Goodbye, everyone. Thank you. Take care. Thank you. Happy New Year, everyone. Happy New Year. Good night.

[62:45]

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