About fifty of you, is that right? Fifty or so of you are starting Sashin today. So mostly I'll be talking for you who are starting Sashin, sitting for seven days from today. Every sasheen I emphasize some point in our existence and this sasheen I'd like to emphasize our mind, our state of mind or anything we can identify as mind.

[01:01]

I don't want you to depend on the sesshin. You're not wasting your time, you know, you come to do a sesshin. If you're willing to do a sesshin, you're not wasting your time. But sometimes the decision to do a sesshin is as much as you do, and then you let the schedule and the accumulation of sitting drive you into some state of mind that you like. That's not, that's too lazy. You should, Dogen says, Don't let the sutras turn you, you turn the sutras. And that applies to everything. Don't let the sasheen turn you, you turn the sasheen. So just make use of the sasheen, just as if you decided, Oh, good, now I want one more period. And you. Not because the schedule requires it, but just because you require it. One more period. Oh, good.

[02:42]

and you supply yourself the sesshin, you create the sesshin. You actively create the situation which lets you see your workings, feel your workings more clearly. Philip Wayland is Shuso at Tassajara, this practice period. And everybody is enjoying him being Shuso and head monk. And they're inviting him to be head monk for two years. He's quite charming as head monk. And he gave a lecture.

[03:48]

He gives a lecture as head monk on zero days, so he gave one a few days ago. And he said most of you treat zazen as some kind of self-help program, and you don't know it's an esoteric practice. He said, go home and try to describe Sashin to your mother. See if you can describe to her why you do the Sashin or what you get from the Sashin and why, if you're not careful, you end up with no hair and in funny clothes. I get very tired sometimes of reading about Buddhism, reading sutras, reading commentaries about sutras, reading commentaries on translations of commentaries, etc. They all say the same thing. I get tired of hearing it sometimes, how wonderful it is if you do it.

[05:20]

and how it's pure and etc. But I don't get tired of reading, what can I say, not reading my mind, but maybe reading my mind, which is always changing. In that way I have very deep respect for the sutras. I always want to care for the books in some special way or wrap them in cloth, in that they are a parallel to our mind. It's a vivid description of our mind, mind in a big sense. If you read your mind first, then you can read the sutras and they'll be very helpful. But if you read the sutras to understand Buddhism, I don't think there's any result except encouraging more people in this confusion.

[07:02]

So, our attitude, our attitude about our mind. is very important. You have some, almost all of us have some fear of our mind or feeling of respect or hands-off feeling toward our mind. We don't, mostly we don't have any idea what our mind is. And you don't, you have some morality about, I'm not

[08:22]

controlling your mind. The problem is mostly the idea of natural, which I've often talked about. And I'd like to right now deny there is nothing called natural. There's no way you can ascertain anything called natural. In Buddhism, at least, there's only karma. It's interesting. Our hands may be smarter than our minds, but we don't have that feeling about our hands. We don't feel uncanny about participating with our hands. Our hands, you know, we sometimes put them aside, sometimes we use them. But we can't put our mind aside or we can't tell our mind what to do because we have some... We want there to be a creator, someone who controls us. So if it's not the mind, who is doing it? So you want to.

[09:48]

In a sense, it's like believing in God. You don't want to go out on the limb of your life completely. You want to give the responsibility to some observer, your mind, your natural functioning, your natural functioning which will take care of you. From Buddhism's point of view, this is... I might say this myself, but from Buddhism's point of view, that's mistaken view. We don't treat our mind in such a way. I told the story of, last Sunday, of Keichu's cart, which I'd like to tell again. Gettan Roshi, who was in the lineage of Mumon Roshi, I think maybe his dharma

[10:52]

his father's, his teacher's dharma brother. Anyway, Getan Roshi told about Keiichu who was credited with inventing the wheel in China, I guess. Anyway, Getan Roshi said, Keiichu made a great cart with a hundred spokes in each wheel. Take away the front and the back and the wheels and the spokes and the hubs and what will you have? What will it be? He said. He doesn't mean sunyata or emptiness. What will it be? Take away your mind, take away your patterns, take away your culture. What will you be? He's asking.

[11:53]

Is there some natural thing which is going to take care of you? Some observer which is going to take care of you? What, what isolated out of our phenomenal existence will take care of you? You know, most of us have a belief something is there going to take care of us. It means you believe in God. That's very nice, but In Buddhism we would say, what you believe in is karma, something which controls you. So what is the answer? Is there no escape from being controlled by our karma or is there some escape? So in this sasheen, I'm asking, let's find out what our state of mind is. You know, bodhicitta is one of the most interesting words in Buddhism. And citta means, pretty simply, something like frames of mind, like movie frames, one after another. Bodhi would be enlightened or awakened – awakened frames of mind.

[13:21]

So on each moment, what is your state of mind or frame of mind? I can tell you, sometimes you can have, believe it or not, a completely stable state of mind, frame of mind, a state of mind or frame of mind which doesn't move or it's like pasting the moon on the sky and the moon just stays there till you're ready to move it. Everything is stopped, everything is very clear. It's not running away from you. with you as an observer. Maybe it's like the examples of relativity, you know, two trains going beside each other. If you're in a train, you know, and another train's moving at the same speed, it's stopped for you. A stable state of mind, as I'm talking about, means your mind is moving at exactly your speed, so there's no observer anymore.

[14:50]

no contrast between your state of mind, which is always slipping away, pushed around by the winds of greed, hate and delusion and fear. Greed, hate and delusion have to do with our attitude toward things. We want things or we're afraid of things. That's greed and desire and aversion. Or we confuse The symbol we get confused in symbolic meanings is delusion. But also you will see if you can sit still. Sit still. Ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy is stand, that's interesting, out of place. And stand, stand means like center, some still point, some place you can stand. That sounds pretty good.

[16:20]

also has a subtler meaning of a third person or a third point, because two points are always relative to each other, but a third point will determine two points, you know. So stand means a third point or an observer. Three legs. So usually we say when you're doing zazen, just let things come and go. And that's very important, you know. We talk about the eye of wisdom and the dharma eye, wisdom eye and dharma eye. One is the eye of detachment or formless world, one is the eye of love or world of form.

[17:37]

pure form. Or, this is Buddha, this is Buddha, you are Buddha. Or, this is not Buddha, this is not Buddha. So, usually we say, just sit and let what comes up come up and what goes go. And you should do this in zazen and in sesshin. And if you count your breathing, it will pass through your counting. Like when you're eating, you may be involved in eating. When you're watching someone else eat, you're not so involved in eating. So you begin to have that kind of detachment. Just things come up and things go. But if that's all you do, how are you going to decide what to do next?

[18:54]

If you're completely detached from what comes up, then how do you choose which of the things that come up to do? If you're at Tassajara, there's no problem, because the schedule tells you what to do next. So that's why we go to Tassajara. So you can turn yourself over, getting free of the patterns, usual patterns of greed, hate and delusion, and your karma, not your natural karma. But still, even at Tassajara, more subtly, you do have to decide what to do. Now, religious people, you know, are often quite superstitious. And they're superstitious because they believe in their mind. That's advanced thinking. Superstition is advanced thinking. Because you no longer are trying to average your senses, average your situation.

[20:00]

Oh, you've given up the usual idea of observer, so what do you do? You have to trust what comes up, and if what comes up is some, you know, simultaneity or some event which obviously indicates that something else is going to happen and is very clear, your watch stopped at nine o'clock and it has never stopped before in some significant event, you know, so you think, ah, yes, I'm really getting there. But Buddhism also says don't believe in science, astrology, etc. Don't look to the parallel phenomenon for meaning in your life. The sun, as I say, you don't get up because the sun comes up. Maybe the sun gets up because you get up. I don't know, which comes first, you or the sun? You can't say which is earlier.

[21:03]

precedes, you get up and the sun gets up. That's why you get up, not because the sun gets up. You get up because you get up. The sun gets up because the sun gets up, right? So, this can get very superstitious, because you see the parallel phenomena, you know, acknowledging you all the time, right? So, how do you trust your How do you follow your mental conception? How do you follow? Not just observe, but how do you decide what to do? How do you follow your next feeling? How do you know where to go? Well, first I'd like to say it would be a good exercise to get rid of conceptual organizing your world conceptually. You can see it on everything people do. You're writing and you want to set something off, so you put a box around it, right? Because in your mind, a box represents sending something off. But if you're not into doing things that way, you just put some little mark

[22:37]

that's sufficient to set it off. There are many, many ways we've noticed whether people live in conceptual world or not. Another kind of example is a garden, designing a garden. I don't know how to convey exactly what I mean to you, so I'll use some examples that are rather too simple, but if you design a garden from one point of view, this is all we'll make some kind of, you know, and it can exist in your head. You can conceive of it. This is quite, from the Buddhist point of view, quite superstitious, quite superstitious and superficial. But, a more subtle way to design your garden is from hundreds of points of view. Right, you are my guardian. So right here I would design this idea. Then I would walk to there and I would design from that point of view. And then I'd walk to there and design from that point of view. And in each case doing just what occurs to me. Then from this point of view, again, I can see the whole but the whole has lots of depth to it. Things you can't see, things hidden behind other things. You can't conceive of it at all.

[24:05]

You can't imagine what it's like over there from some mental pattern. This means you don't stop doing conceptual thinking, but your conceptual thinking is tied to each changing point of view. And not only now, but over time you design the garden. Different seasons, different days. So, first you try to not walk through a life of projected rooms, you know. I've talked about this many times from various points of view. I talked about it a week or two ago by wrapping packages, whether you wrap a package or in tea ceremony, whether you do it so that you can remember it because conceptually you know how the cloth goes. But usually you will find if you want to do it conceptually you have to use two hands because your mind is quite crude. So you have to pick it up and put the two corners together.

[25:27]

You can understand that, but if you just pick up the cloth from one corner and pull your hand across it and then put it down your hand, conceptually you cannot grasp that. But your hands can do it. But if someone said, reproduce it, you can't draw it, you can't describe it, you can only do it. But you do pick it up. But your one hand and the cloth do it. one hand. This is too conceptual. This is non-conceptual. So first, what can we identify? If I say there's no natural then what can you see? You can see that there's some relative state of mind and some not-so-relative state of mind, or you can see that there's timeliness on what you do or some timelessness, some long context of your life or just short-run feelings.

[26:51]

And of course, your mind will be running and blurring all the time with thoughts and feelings. Something will come up and it will change according to your fear or your association or your desire for it or your antagonism toward it or your confusion about it. You can just see it very clearly. It will change, you know, and you won't know what to do. In this situation, how are you going to find out what to do? And if you just follow it, it may lead you into some superstitious thinking. So what I'm going to say now, you can't do, and I'm not suggesting you try it, but just to give you a little more feeling. Zen practice, our practice, Buddhism is very warm. Bodhicitta, you know, bodhicitta means the vow of enlightenment, means the thought of enlightenment, means enlightenment. It also means a physical state, physical activity or some warmth. And if you practice, you know, your mind becomes very warm, your thinking becomes very warm.

[28:29]

And instead of following the particular feeling or thought that comes out, you follow the warmth. Ecstasy is too strong a word maybe, but literally if we say what it means, it's out of rational thinking. It means it's irrational or beyond rational thinking. or out of place. So you don't follow exactly where the next thought leads you, pushed around by desire and greed and delusion or whatever, and you don't follow it as some conceptual ordering that you keep morphing on it because you're a psychiatrist or because you're afraid or because whatever reason, but you follow the warmth of it. There's some ecstatic feeling, bliss. Excuse me for using such powerful words, but anyway, you feel something rather nice.

[29:57]

You will feel it, intimations of it in sashi. And you, if you're going to practice, you have to learn to trust it, because what alternative? If you're afraid of your mind, you're in bad shape. What is going to lead you? What is going to take care of you? It will lead you to some superstitious, symbolic, So, if the sun is going to come up and you are going to come up, that means you have to trust you and you have to trust what comes up in you. If some feeling comes up, you trust it. This is tantric way of practice. You have no alternative, though, to this. It's pretty hard to do, though, until you quite clearly see how your greed, hate and delusion act.

[31:32]

then you can begin to trust your mind, your feelings, your thoughts. And you have to begin to be careful, because what you think will come true. In Buddhism we say, or feel, if you do this, then your citta, your brains of mind, don't lead you into greed, hate and delusion, or into suffering. You don't follow your passion. Passion literally means suffering, pain.

[32:37]

etymology of passion is to suffer. Compassion is to suffer with someone. So you don't follow your passion exactly, but some out-of-place warmth which isn't for something. Passion is warmth for some object you think you need. Ecstasy is too strong a word, but it has no object the way I mean it. So your mind has many, many possibilities that I don't think most of you know about. Because you're always caught in your billboards and you're afraid of your mind because of the idea of God or natural. Or losing an observer, losing somebody you want to rely on. How can you survive if you trust everything? Trust your thinking, trust your feeling,

[34:07]

As I say, you don't do Zazen, your shoulder does Zazen, your stomach does Zazen, your breathing does Zazen. Each thing independently does Zazen. And there's nobody there, no observer there actually doing Zazen. No you there doing Zazen. harmony of this and this rather than this and this. So, in this sasheen free up your ideas about what your mind is, your fear of your mind, Just begin to feel what it is. In any way it manifests itself that you tend to call mind. Consciousness. Become very familiar with your consciousness. What are the limits of consciousness? Are the limits of consciousness observation? Is there consciousness beyond observation? What about darkness?

[35:41]

the big darkness. Remember I told you about the question, where are your nostrils before you were born? And the teacher answered, where are your nostrils after you're born? No one knows actually where they are. Where is the third point? You have to trust your nostrils to be where they are. Goodbye nostrils. You have no control over your nostrils. Dogen said, he came back from China and people said, what did you learn? He said, I learned that eyes are horizontal and nose is vertical. I told you this is esoteric practice.

[36:44]

The same thing. We exist in the dark. We don't know where we are. As Dogen says, like searching for our pillow in the dark. So what do we trust? If there's no observer or controller, how can you exist? This is the fundamental attitude you bring toward practice of observing your mind. In Mumon's poem commenting on Kechi's cart, he said, When the vividly working wheel is turning, the expert's hand is lost. Four directions, above and below, north, south, east, west. When the vividly working wheel is turning, the expert's hand is lost.

[38:14]

four directions, above and below, north, south, east, west. What will it be if we take away everything from it? I say one step east is four steps west. So please, in this session, become familiar with your joyous mind. Joyous. You can enjoy your mind. You're breathing all your life, right? That's the first activity to start enjoying. You're doing it all the time, and your heart is beating, so please enjoy your heartbeat. And your mind is going. Please enjoy your mind going. No sense sitting around waiting for something nice to happen. When you're dying, you'll appreciate your breathing. One more.

[39:43]

Now you take it for granted. That's what I call invisible work. All those things we take for granted, where our joyous mind is visibly turning. Because greed, hate and delusion are always pushing us around. Obscurity is wonderful. Just be obscure. Be in the dark, completely alone. You'll find it crowded. There was a third point, but it's enough. Find out what you're doing.

[41:10]

And do you have anything to say? Yeah. There's nothing but that. Yes, there are many, many people who have it too. Hopefully. Have these people been cleverly tricked into believing in themselves? Yeah, I understand. That's why religion works. That's very good. Yes? How about observing your senses? Just see, listen to the sound as it is. Huh? Smell it. Taste it. That's what I mean.

[43:02]

Last session we observed, last session I talked about hearing, sea of sound. But that's right. It's not different actually. Whatever I emphasize, if you examine it closely, it's the same thing. I'm a liar, sweet bitch. Well, a mistake is over with, usually. But don't stick to it. But if we don't feel so comfortable because of some mistake we've made,

[44:37]

don't be so cloudy in the next moment. Mistakes are essential. Dogen said life or practice is one continuous mistake. But more than that, without mistakes we can't guide ourselves. We can't find out what we're doing. And as I talked about a few years ago, the more you practice, the more you refine your ability to make mistakes. Before you start practicing, your mistakes are pretty gross, and, you know, send your whole life off askew. But our tendency to make mistakes doesn't go away. We make mistakes

[46:12]

we fail over smaller and smaller things. So, if you're practicing, you find after a while that you will stub your toe, or bite your tongue, or do small things to remind yourself. You're about to say something, and you go ... It's very useful. You wouldn't have known it if you hadn't bit your tongue. Anyway, you make. So mistakes are quite a great luxury. Without them, in the fine-tuning of our practice, you don't have any way to tune. So the mistake, the ability to make mistakes, gets more and more prominent if you practice. It's some gift. Without it, we can't find our way. I like sitting here.

[47:55]

Yeah.

[48:02]

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