This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Many years ago, before Dogen went to China, I was a new student at Gringos. I worked in the fields. That's not what I want to complain about this morning. Well, I must say this.

[01:03]

Sometimes when I was digging in that hard pan clay, There's a saying in prison, you know, do the crime, do the time. Sometimes I'd say to myself, it must have been a hell of a crime because I'm certainly doing the time. There was... I'm not quite sure how this came about. I'm sure somebody knows. But there was living... in Green Gulch, at what we called then the Ranch House, I don't know what you call it now. An elderly Japanese lady, Makimura Sensei, who was a master of no chanting. I would marvel at her. She had this, she was probably about 4'10", 4'11".

[02:07]

We had about 70, 80 pounds. But she had an imposing presence. And she would practice her chanting. I'd heard it said that back in the day, she was famous for no chanting, whatever that means. Sometimes walking past her quarters, you could hear her chanting. You could hear the power, the deep dedication and training. And I was always, or often, awestruck, somewhat intimidated.

[03:11]

And she used to teach classes. And it seemed like it was the select senior students that went to those classes. And without quite knowing how, I thought, Well, I'm never going near those classes. And of course, that's how I got into trouble. You know, sometimes we say something like that, and then it's almost inevitable. We'll go. I would hear it from a distance sometimes, and I'd think, it's strange. in its strangeness so as I vowed to never go the impulse the attraction to go grew stronger until one day in complete foolishness I arranged to go I thought I'd made it clear I was going as a guest as an observer you know

[04:37]

a non-participating observer. And so I sat, it was only about ten people, but I tried to sit well in the back, clearly indicating, you know, my role in this is to watch and enjoy your exotic behavior. from a safe distance and no chanting our chanting is interesting you know Japanese chanting is monotone and our chanting is interesting because it's like we go yeah yeah monotone but here we go you know we're evolving in new form without quite knowing how and that's let's practice but in no chanting is all sorts of ups and downs and waivers you know like wavering going up wavering coming down holding the note it anyway so we started and I felt quite safe and

[06:05]

Nakamura sensei said, okay, do this. And she did this string of about 20 notes. And I thought, are you kidding? We're supposed to remember all of that? And lo and behold, most of the people did a pretty good job of it. I thought, phew, these people are special. Nakamura sensei said, you, do it yourself. And she was pointing in my direction, but I knew it wasn't me. Halisa only there to observe. So I looked. And in her fierce way, she said, you. thought, well, maybe I'll explain to her.

[07:10]

And Ken Sawyer, who some of you know and most of you don't, was sitting beside me and he explained, no, you don't have a choice of this. You're it. And I thought, fair enough. I'll make an absolute screw up of it. And she'll think, okay, well, let's, you know, let's pass on him. So I did it, and I made an absolute screw. I gave it a fair effort, but, you know, I didn't really have a clue what was going on. Could you give us a sound? Oh, we have nothing for a sense that comes in here. He went through that door and insists, which will be amazing because he's probably been dead 30 years. I made a screw-up of it. And she said, then she thought, okay, I'll do the first five or six notes.

[08:23]

She did the first five or six notes and she said, okay, do that. And I thought, well, that's about it. Five more than I can do. Anyway, most of the class was devoted to me learning to do those 20 notes. And it was surprising. Awful. But I'll tell you this. I was alive during that class. She made sure I gave it everything I got. And I asked him afterwards, I said, did she do that to everybody?

[09:28]

And he said, no, but I've never seen her do that to anybody before. of the world, life, wants us to interact. And we'd like to say, I'll just sit in the bag and watch. I'm not ready. I haven't done this before and I'm not actually that interested in it. But we're part of life. There is no sitting in the bag watching. There's being part of it. There is being done and being undone.

[10:30]

And sitting here, we're counting this story with Nakamura sensei at a safe distance. It's kind of fun. It's like, yeah. She's like a glowing sun and my nose is half an inch from that sun. It's pretty intense. And in that intensity, we're changed. There's an old Chinese story where this man's infatuated by dragons, you know, and he's painting them and carving them. And then one day a dragon appears and he's terrified.

[11:42]

Come to Tassajara, sign up for practice period. Get all our accoutrements. You should bring your own hot water bottle, thermos. I haven't looked at the list for a long time. I'm sure there's marvelous things. Oh, yeah, an LED headlamp. And then we're put in the middle of being alive and challenged to be nothing but alive. And it's what we came for. And I don't think we've consciously said to ourselves, no, I'm never going to do that.

[12:49]

But in some way, we have our ambivalence. I'd like to keep it at a comfortable distance. I'd like to be aware in a way that works for me. I like the self, as Dogen says in one of his poems, I like the self to open up like the petals on a peach blossom being blown in the spring wind. Beautiful, serene in its unfolding. But we get what we get.

[13:51]

And whether you thought you signed up for it or not, In a few moments, I'm going to read another Heaney poem. It's kind of similar to the last one. Driving in the car, stop, see some birds, have an ecstatic moment, drive on. I guess when you live out in rural Derry, that's about it. How do we engage the process?

[14:57]

So I thought, well up until now in this machine, I've been driving you nuts talking about the process. So I thought, you know, a good story is always entertaining. And as far as I remember, that story is... But as I say, it happened quite a while ago. When I was in India visiting Shundu, I met a Swami who told me that that Bodhidharma came from that area. He seemed to be intimately familiar with the details overall. Didn't quite say he lived in that house over there, but... He went to Sri Lanka, did some dealings with pearls, and that's where he got the money to go to China, according to Swami. So the mind goes forth and creates.

[16:12]

And normally, Usually we are enthralled by its creation, even when it's painful. Even when it's confusing. Even when it seems to create something that contradicts our statement. Nope, I am never going to that class. here you are thinking about it. This thing that's beyond what's appropriate. And in describing the process, in going to this arousing the unsurpassed mind, you know, and Dogen's

[17:17]

Peculiar language around stone and wood mind. Concrete. That which can be apprehended by the sense doors. And remember that in the Buddhist system, mind is a sense door. The thought can be apprehended. And from that place, from that experience, from that mind, from that mind of what you might call tangible presence, the nature of what is impermanent, without abiding solidity, self it's interdependent it's shunyata and as as we start to note how shashin makes us what we are I was saying the other day you know pre-breakfast mind post-breakfast mind

[18:46]

One of the things that Nakamura sensei said that stuck with me, she said, we're so fragile as human beings. And this is from a lady who was, you know, sometimes I thought about her and I thought, oh, here you are, almost in your mid-90s, living away from your homeland. She always addressed that. a Japanese outfit that seemed from a couple of hundred years ago you know like something you'd see in downtown Kyoto a couple of hundred years ago not that I've been in downtown Kyoto a couple of hundred years ago we're so fragile we're so fragile Even a rainy day affects us.

[19:54]

Like this. When we think of wood mind, stone mind, it seems so inert. It seems so unmoving. impenetrable. But the nature of mind is it's like a single stem flower. Any breeze, any wind shakes it. And our practice is not Can we become unmoving, impermeable, unaffected?

[21:01]

It's not, can we meet the fierceness of life with an equal fierceness? It's more subtle. Can we be a willing participant? Can we be aware of what comes into being in that interaction? And in the yoga of consciousness, in the yoga of awareness, can we, in our own experience and the experience of being body and mind and breath, can we study and learn from the interrelatedness of being?

[22:06]

Can we study the body of awareness? Can we study the breath? That way, in our hesitancy, in our awkwardness, in our reluctance, check back with the breath. What is it to let the breath breathe? What is it rather than Kriya? constructing a story around the pain in my right leg. What is it to go to the experience? How exactly does this sensation feel? So sometimes in Zen it says returning to the source, returning to the tangible experience.

[23:22]

And then sometimes it says, coming from the source. Can you tell a story of something that happened 30 years ago? And let it be now. And let it just be the play of what's happening now. Even the intentionality, not to create some special consequence, just to raise a finger. Not that that excludes anything, but that it includes, you know, who hasn't been frightened, intimidated, put on the spot, thought they weren't up to the task, yearned for the safety of time and space from that which was intimidating, fearsome, and dangerous.

[24:59]

as we plunge into that intimacy that Rukki was mentioning in his extraordinary words not until it's held in your renouncing is it truly there letting it be itself renouncing Yeah, but I don't want it. Yes, but it would be better if. Well, it reminds me of that other thing and that never worked for me. Well, that might happen later and I just don't want that. Can it just be itself? No. Returning. the ground of being and coming from the ground of being.

[26:16]

And I would say this to you, at this point in Sashin, at this point in the practice period, we're much closer than we think. Yeah, that sounds really good, but if you saw what was going inside of my head... Talk about something scary. Yeah. But most likely, you noticed the mist of the mountains. You felt the light of an overcast day. Not just thought, felt it. It's kind of odd, kind of blanketing effect. Almost snug. That sets the stage.

[27:45]

And then here's another story. Here's Zen Master's Dogen version of Bodhidharma coming to China, which he did on September 21st, 528. He didn't mention the time of day, but he did a whole preamble about how he got an invite. Apparently, when the boat landed, Dogen says, well, you know, this was a big journey. That took a lot of people. There was a lot of people on that boat. It landing in the town was a big deal. And so someone went down to meet the ship, saw this weird Indian guy, and asked him, and then went back and reported it to the emperor. And the emperor says, bring him around. Let's hear what he's got to say. So, the big lad went round.

[28:49]

When the first patriarch arrived in the city of Kinryu and met with the young emperor Bu, the young emperor said to him, it would be impossible to list all the temples built, all the sutras copied, and all the monks delivered. since I assumed the throne. What merit did I acquire? The master said, no merit at all. The emperor said, why is there no merit? The master said, these things are only the trivial effects of human beings and gods, and the cause of the superfluous. They are like the shadows following the form, though they exist. They're not the real thing. The emperor said, what is true merit?

[29:53]

The master said, pure wisdom being subtly all-encompassing, the body being naturally empty and unmoving. Virtually like this is not sought by the worldly. The Emperor asks further, what is paramount truth among the sacred truths? What is paramount truth? As I've been told, there's a phrase quite common in China. What's the first principle? What is the practice? What's the heart of practice? How do you do it? How is it done? is paramount truth among the sacred truths? It is that which is glaringly evident and without anything sacred.

[30:56]

The emperor said, who is facing me? The master said, do not know. Don't know. The emperor didn't understand it. The master knew that the time was not right. The end. I've heard various Zen teachers, Japanese, They feel more authorized to do this. But they give this story their own embellishments. Add in little details. Subtract details.

[31:59]

In Ireland they say, never let a few details get in the way of a good story. I guess that includes adding them. So we make up the world. We make up our stories. Sometimes I think the ones that we've rehearsed so thoroughly bore us, you know? So even as it's starting to wind up, part of us is going, oh God, now that it came. Really? Do we have to do that one? And the story that arises, you know, where you stumble upon a sense of being, it seems like it comes from foreign territory.

[33:05]

You go back to your room and it appears different utterly familiar I think those stories enchant us and write in the details of our formal practice you know when we follow our breath oh yeah I should follow my breath and and and we're doing it that sort of half-hearted should do Of course we can't pay attention to it. It's completely boring. It's like, who wants to do this? The challenge for us is, follow this breath. This is the activity of being alive. I don't know what the hell it is to be alive, but this is the activity of it.

[34:15]

To attend to the mind. How amazing to have a mind. We can go into the story and lose here and now. It just disappears. And come back to here and now. We can conjure up something that makes us shake with rage. something that brings tears to our eyes, something that stirs up a deep devotion to practice, to Sangha, to Dharma. And as we allow for the mobility, the shape-shifting, the kind of

[35:22]

coming into being and go out of being. It catches our interest. Look at that. Even a cloudy day can make us sad. Okay, so here's Shia Masini's attempt at that. Balmahinch Lake. You ever been to Balmahinch? Yeah. I think it's out west in the north. So we stopped and parked in the spring-cleaning light of Connemara on a Sunday morning. As a captivating brightness held and opened and the utter mountain mirrored in the lake.

[36:26]

entered us like a wedged knot, sweetly home into core lumber. Not far away, but far enough for the rumpus not to carry, a pair of water birds splashed up and down and on and on. Next thing, their strong white flecks that could have been excitement or in the death throes turned into uplift. Big sure sweeps and dips above the water, no raft or skimming soles, translating in and out of the house of life. But air heavers, far heavier than air. Yet something in us was unhoused at the sight of them. So that when she bent to turn the key, she only half turned it and spoke, as it were, directly to the windshield. In profile and in thought, the wheel at arm's length, avering that this time, yes, it had indeed been useful to stop.

[37:37]

Then inclined her driver's brow, which shook a little as the ignition fired. When the moment allowed to be itself, The attraction to story meets the stillness, meets the essence of sunyata. In our practice, rather than being some virtuous affliction, we're willing to subject ourselves to it becomes the spark of being alive in young men says every day is a good day and the Emperor says what about all the temples I made doesn't that sort of give me a leg up doesn't that give me a

[38:59]

a start in all of this. And Bodhidharma says, this is what I heard when I was there. We start right where we are. We start with what's happening now. How could it be any other way? And it's beyond any we want to make it. So this invitation, this challenge, this opportunity, this creative unfolding life And how wonderful it would be if we could gradate it in the way we want.

[40:07]

We had the opportunity to say, well, I'm just sitting at the back now. I'm just watching. I'm auditing this class. I'm auditing this life. Maybe I'll take it next semester. Can something in us shift? Can we see with a compassionate eye the restlessness that somehow finds now an uncomfortable proposition? and not to bully it, not to coerce it, but to discover in the attending to now the possibility of being.

[41:19]

Can we discover, can we realize that what's arising now is being alive and hold close to our hearts road case admonition if we indulge I don't want that I want more of that if we indulge in the flight of fancy go off disconnected you know stay here stay now let everything happen here but it's not about restriction or annihilation it's about discovering in here and now something comes to life

[42:27]

all on a journey. Whether or not you went to Sri Lanka, that's where Bodhidharma got his pearls. Whether or not you went to Sri Lanka and got some freshwater pearls. Or you just took the stage from Jamesburg. This day, this body, this moment. And Yon Min challenges us. Every day is a good day. It sounds so completely ridiculous.

[43:37]

How many times has our life confided and contradicted that notion? But if we burrow in and say, what is it to be willing to be alive? What is it to be willing to be now? To not just pass through and wave at it, as Billy Collins would say. What is it to commit to the inhale and the exhale? What is it to sense the body beyond the constructs, the concepts of physicality? What is it to let the thoughts and the emotions be themselves? be the attributes of now rather than about something else somewhere else.

[44:45]

The practice doesn't change. We change. We start to get, oh, being the inhale is a big deal. regardless of the consequence, regardless of what receptive attention brings to mind and heart. Walking from here to there is a big deal. When it's in the realm of now, It has its own upright body. It has its own deliberate steps. It has its own continuing breath. It has its own authority.

[45:58]

Everything happens here. But at this desperate This is no longer some cute notion we can audit. We're too close now. We're too committed. We're in it. We're part of it. And this subtle chord, you know, What is it to be this life and not need to run off somewhere else, the past or the future? What is it to stay here and let everything come here?

[47:00]

Bodhidharma gives the emperor nothing. But what merits in all of that? New merit. Nothing sacred. But sometimes it's hard not to associate the lightly falling rain with the sweet dew of the Dharma. Sometimes seeing the mist on the peaks, they think, hmm, how many mystic peaks practitioners have gazed at. and wandered through.

[48:18]

Sometimes it's hard not to think, well how amazing to be surrounded by a group of like-minded and like-hearted practitioners. of all the stuff that goes on in this world, here we are attempting to unfold the liberation of now. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[49:34]

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