Good morning. So I thought today we could muddy the waters of our pure experience of what we did in the yurt, in the retreat sector. Long gone is the yurt. In some ways, in case our experience inside any conceptualization, we can do ourselves a disservice. And then on the other hand, this is how our human mind works. This is how we reference. This is how we create context.

[01:03]

how we give direction to our practice. He works with that using one of his fascicles. Steps begin to be unknown, right? sometimes known as walking across the room with your eyes closed. And just that says something about our practice. We do this particular thing, but it's representative of something, a whole process in our life. What are we doing? We're walking across the room with our eyes closed. But in another way, our life is stepping into the moment.

[02:10]

Our life is going beyond our fixed ideas of what the moment is and our anticipations and assumptions about it. And can we learn something about that from a particular experience? Bhagavan says, in Ben-du-la. If there isn't something practiced, something isn't learned, something doesn't become manifest. So stepping into the unknown. And then it brings forth whatever it brings forth. You're frightened, you're exhilarated, you're bored. You thought for sure you were going to bump into Layla and you turned around. It was something entirely different.

[03:14]

You stepped, the floor has radiant heating, you stepped on a hot spot and assumed it was because someone else's warm foot was there. Well, actually it was a radiant heat. illustrative of how we... And each of us does it our way. Each of us arrives at the conclusions we arrive at. Each of us makes the assumptions, the associations we make. And in this interesting question about awareness, do we just say, oh yeah, that's it?

[04:16]

Do our assumptions become fact or do they become illustrative of the functioning of human consciousness? And how does that difference happen? How do we not just We create the world according to me and carry on with the usual having possibility. How do we open up don't know mind? What's the world like inside that exercise? And yet, there were the sense.

[05:29]

Without practice, something isn't manifest. And that something that's manifest can be related to in a way that stimulates realization or not? And then what is it that facilitates that? So does that proposition make sense? Or have I lost you already? In some ways, the what of awareness. What is it? And quickly we discover, okay, well, it's not about generating a particular outcome that your mind has conjured up.

[06:33]

I should have this experience. When I walk across the room, I should be whatever you've decided you should be. Excited, exhilarated. Maybe we could say that what is more in the territory of don't know. Luwad is more in their territory of... And it illustrates the nature of being. It's a Luwad. And then those dreaded repeated questions.

[07:42]

Most helpful learnings from repeated question is that questions don't have a singular answer from any one of us, no? Ask any one of us, who are you? What do you want? How do you suffer? All those terrible questions. We have endless answers to them. Depends upon what mood we're in. Depends upon what arises in our consciousness at a particular time. Question and response. Our usual nature of mind is, this is it. What's that sound? No, I don't have to listen to it anymore because I know all about it. You know, it's something... ...dynamic interplay that's always happening.

[09:11]

You know, this... a constant stream of interaction that generates existence after existence. And how this happens in the context of conditioned human existence. And then, so what do you do? Do you push the conditioned human existence aside with diligent effort and experience the pure realm? My hope was they would be

[10:15]

provocative. What do you want? We could have asked, what do you really want? What do you really, really want? But actually, it's an interesting question. If you engage it with Then as I say, yes? So when we're asked about those questions, what do you want and how do you suffer, the answers, to me, it seems like the answer is conditionally.

[11:20]

Yep. Where else could they come from? not necessarily spontaneous. It's not like a response to the arising moment. How could it not be a response to the arising moment? Well, I mean, for me, it kind of arise from my thinking mind or, you know, there might be some feeling. But I'm not sure how my answer, how authentic it is. It's not real.

[12:26]

What would make it real? If it just comes out of my being without having a feeling. If it just comes out of your... But when I was answering those questions, I actually was like, oh, let me think how I suffer, you know? We had to do several rounds of thinking. Did you have to do several kinds of thinking?

[13:27]

Well, I actually had to maybe reflect a little bit how I suffer. If we go with the word dukkha, and we think, well, there is what you might call gross suffering, and then there is just the subtle suffering of clinging on to something as if it was permanent and separate. And so sometimes you don't know.

[14:35]

What's my authentic answer? What's my real answer? Is that when we're deeply saddled and something springs forth that's startling even to our habitual mind? Is that when we're authentic? Or are you authentic when your habitual mind gives forth its habitual answer? Yeah. Any responses to that question? Mm-hmm.

[16:02]

So then we can see that and we, you know, work with it. So, you know, how deep is that? Did I just throw that out there and actually I'm going off base? But it gives me something to work with. So in that sense, it's real. Yeah. If we choose to define real, then that's right. Yeah. Yes, sir.

[17:08]

The description itself generates the suffering. But this is for a statement or question. Any acknowledgement generating desire? Like if I say, you know, declaration and my Generating the desire, or am I something else?

[18:32]

No. In some ways, there's the acknowledgement, albeit conditioned. As Yoshi says, maybe you even just fake it for for some particular reason, but it's still curiously authentic. Oh, here's what's coming up. But it's a great point. What is the role of our karmic arisings in the context of awareness or in facilitating awareness?

[19:43]

and grasping and pushing away and getting carried away by it you know so there isn't but without practice what's happening is invisible It seems like there might be like a relationship, maybe like a genealogical relationship, and there's like a fact of the matter about that, but I feel like that doesn't really help us awake with those questions.

[21:24]

answers and false answers. And I feel like it's the same about digging out our karmic habit mind. It's like there are true and false answers as to what the cause of the condition that suffering means. I feel like there must be something that could kind of see through that illusion. Because like hobbits don't actually exist, even though there is a fact of the matter that's really not the reality of the world. Inasmuch something can be thought of, it has an existence. And again, In the classification in the Yogacara of states of mind, one state of mind is the state of mind

[22:54]

we swirl around in that state of existence. But we do do that. ...of existence permeate our life. It seems like in a way you were saying, well, It's futile to try to get to the bottom of it. And here's what the Dharma teaches, isn't it?

[23:59]

Becoming aware of the process of awareness. Seeing awareness, even when your mind is conjured up anything, being that process teaches us something about context of the subject matter get to the bottom as it is see the whole process of what's being created.

[25:03]

But that's following along with what the mind has created. Awareness doesn't follow along. Awareness sees it for what it is. Okay? No, you only look half satisfied, but it's okay. In the absolute present moment, it's beyond perception.

[26:29]

But to get close to that is pretty darn good. If you're close enough to see I'm just creating a conceptual response. So, in a way, the critique of those repeated questions could be, aren't you — and maybe this is what Key was trying to say — aren't you conjuring up Right now it's like you're asking me to refer back to my past and conjure up some notion of what I want.

[27:38]

And to some degree, to me, to think that we can practice awareness beyond a conditioned existence are intrinsically part of conditioned existence. And asking questions like, what do I want? How do I suffer? Messy as they are, and could be critiqued, in how there is no exact answer. I completely agree. But I think they also... They help to... ...conditioned existence.

[28:46]

Stuff does happen for me, you know? And when I go away and... and sit down and do zazen, it all doesn't magically go away. I don't sit there in a pure realm of absolute attention. That experience is possible when the mind that with the stuff of human consciousness is still there to be engaged. You know, how do we define awareness?

[30:18]

I'm aware that that person's a terrible person. No? Well, so there's some awareness there. I'm not so aware that I'm adding the adjectives to their... It prompts me to add those adjectives. I'm not so aware of just the nature of mind that it does such. And the more awareness there is, the more apparent the construct, the assumptions are. I think creativity in all its forms invites us beyond habit energy.

[31:32]

And now to say that it's free from habit energy I would say there has to be an intense involvement for that to be so. Intense involvement in now, and that intense involvement helps loosen up, diminish the way the rising experience is infused by are habitual being. Did you think that was the question I asked?

[33:10]

You can respond, but you have to do it lightly so they can hear you over there. When I said real or authentic, I didn't mean like, just like labeling good or bad. I refer to the moment now, whether it's responding to the moment now. That's all right. It was very simple. It wasn't very psychological. That's my question. Whatever. How many moments?

[34:34]

Well, I was reflecting on my answers to the person because, like I said, in that very moment, I wasn't suffering. I wasn't wanting anything. But I had to kind of come up with the answer to kind of refer back to my past. To, based on my conditioned past, I come up. that wasn't adequate. And my question is, oh, it's not a big deal, but that was my question. Yeah. You see, and from my perspective, I'm just happy that your minds are starting to engage. There's this extraordinary human capacity that we can question.

[35:46]

In some ways, our mental disposition, but in another way, the notion of don't know, sometimes it's called great doubt. in that drawing conscience. You say, then I have to answer like this. Who said? The cone is presented and the possibilities are infinite. We do something.

[36:53]

We're part of something. Can we be awake to that? And we can say, oh, well, as long as you don't have any ideas about it, don't have any emotions about it, you don't fall into habits. And I would just say, well, what does she do to that? I'm falling into hell, you know? And Haku says, what's wrong with hell? This variety goes. And, you know, I have a response, but then that's my response.

[38:19]

And then do I convince myself and convince you that my response is the real response, the true response, and you should stop questioning and instead take on my response? In Zen, this is called being a thief. You steal something from someone. You steal this great intrinsic gift of question, of inquiry, of investigation. And then this inquiry, investigation, it can happen on the level of thought. can also happen in other modalities of our being. When the thinking mind quiet and the moment is apprehended in a more phenomenal way, there's another aspect of our being that relates

[39:40]

and learns, relates and realizes. If I could add, you know, I've read several times, you know, since this is Soto Zen, and Dogen Zenji is the finder in Japan of this tradition that we inherited from Suzuki Roshi.

[40:55]

Dogen set up the practice, and Kei Zen formulated the religion. I don't think I've, personally, I certainly haven't studied it enough to say that with conviction, you know, because your race... And then the accompanying idea was that this is what made it... accessible in a wider way.

[42:12]

And I'm wondering if this kind of experience, or if you could say, I'll come to see your openness, which is inherently positive. That's one of your experience, but that's why. That's why Sogen has so much fervor. I would say... It's an extraordinarily captivating experience for us as humans, when we open up to an experience. I mean, I've read many machines where someone will have a palpable experience. An interesting thing, what the experience can be, all sorts of things. They sow a flower, like someone said to me, they sow their breakfast. But they weren't sending it in a ho-hum way.

[43:16]

They were saying, I saw the writing. And I totally got it. I mean, I go, yeah, you're not commenting on what the menu was. You're commenting on the potency of direct experience and the notion that something significant took place. So I would say in terms of fervor, I think we all have it. And I also have the notion that most of us, having tasted that in one way or another, it's what brought us here. You don't think, hmm, I'm going to go somewhere where there's the opportunity and the support to... And in the religious part, I think it's very interesting for us as Western converts, you know, that the imagery, the iconography of Buddhism, I think many of us...

[44:38]

don't have a very fervent relationship with it. I suspect that maybe half the group would be just as happy if it wasn't that. You mean stand up? Yeah. Would a part of me And I remember being exhilarated when I discovered that one Zen teacher I was studying with wouldn't have a Buddhist statue in his center. And I discovered, you may have heard me say this before, someone gave him a present of one. And he said, oh, let's put it outside. And he said, oh, here. And he says, no, a little further. And I said, we'll do it. at the bottom of the parking lot.

[45:45]

That's as close as he would have a Buddhist statue on the primitive. Now, do I think of that person as a, I think, formidably dedicated, formidably just suitable, a fervently dedicated practitioner? If we do something as an affirmation rather than just some expression of our prejudice, if it's just an expression of our prejudice, it's not helpful. If it's an affirmation of that which draws us into the territory of practice, go for it. I mean, who knows? practice will evolve into what?

[46:45]

Yes, Andrew. All of them are good? Congratulations. You know what I would say about that, Andrew?

[47:58]

If you keep exploring that territory, I think we'll discover that we can ask some real doozies of questions. Even in asking it, we know the words we've used don't quite reach it. But they give something. They get us in the territory. And even though we can't answer it, hearing, connecting to our limited words still draws something. And then there's many people can ask. We can ask, what's going on now? We can only ask it, answer it, as far as our irith practice can see.

[49:08]

Drawing it into concepts or words adds a layer of limitation, but still something. That's why I still think those repeated questions, sloppy, limited as they are, can be helpful, can be provocative. They can draw us into state of being, just like bearing witness. I mean, sometimes we're asked a question, we answer it, and even listening to our own answer. There's a friend of mine, and he gave a talk at City Center. And then the next day, I wasn't able to go, but the next day he and I were teaching together, and I said, how did your talk go? And he said, oh, now I could give the talk. Now I heard my soul say that, and then right away, oh, you know, that could be more like this or that.

[50:21]

And if we allow that mind to have a kind of creativity, you know, that this is always a work in progress, our answers point the way forward. They point to it. Very good point. They have practices that help shift consciousness. They have practices But to come for investigation in Sanskrit, it doesn't mean figure it out.

[51:27]

It means experience it as fully as possible. Part of what we experience as fully as possible is mind being mind. Yes, Michael. Every day is a good day. Thank you, Michael. It's true. We answer, whatever we answer.

[52:36]

And then having this admonition that arises from the practice, from the Dharma. Hopefully, the juxtaposition of these two sparks something. And what I was saying the other day, on a cautionary note, watch out for its sparking self-criticism. In some way, the experience you're having is not the experience you should be having. or you shouldn't be thinking what you're thinking. Something more alive and in some ways mysterious than that. Okay, there is the mindset you're in.

[53:38]

What about this notion? Can it open up that mindset? And then in another way we can say, this other beautiful human capacity that when we hear the Dharma, and we hear the request, we hear the disposition, We hear the availability of that statement. It doesn't mean we can manifest it fully, but we hear something. And I would say that juxtaposition, the karmic and the dharmic, how to let that be helpful, how to let it be instructive, informative,

[54:47]

And as I say, it's not here's the right answer, here's what you should think and feel. It's something more dynamic. Yes, Jim. Oh, I was just going to say that there's something to be said for the price of inquiry. Yeah. That price of inquiry. But I would also say, in the heritage of Buddhism, that inquiry goes beyond thought. Yeah, I would say that's how one actually approaches every moment. Yeah. I mean, that other phrase that I overuse, what's happening now, you know, you can say... Not really. I mean, if thinking is what you're doing, well then, look at what you're thinking.

[55:52]

If feeling is what you're doing, be aware of feeling. I wasn't really feeling it, so I would say ideas. Those ideas of what I want aren't so useful as like the experience, it's like working with that experience when it's happening. So I kind of felt like my authentic experience was just kind of subtleness, but then I'm engaging in this intellectual sort of game, but it doesn't really feel meaningful or useful from saying these things.

[56:56]

a particular mode of communication, it can also invite us to dip dine and let it come from a more experiential place. And sometimes you need to be a little more familiar with the process to see that that possibility is there. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. has to some aspect of confidence, trust.

[58:20]

In one of the many lists of the factors of awakening, the first factor is trust. Try to trust, confidence. Something like meaning present is a kind of confidence or trust that this is it. or this is, I'm not doing it right, this isn't what, you know, so I'll have to fake it. Whether the person asking likes it or not, whether you like it or not. Mm-hmm.

[59:26]

What is going on? I offer you my thought. We can hear a certain teaching and it resonates in our being. And certainly I've had that experience. And I would add to that, when it resonates in my being, dividing me beyond the content, you know, the mental content or construct of it into some richer sense of presence.

[61:17]

I mean, to me, Zen, a lot of Zen literature is not territory. I mean, to me, it's just almost to be expected. trying to do the same thing. It's using words, it's using a particular expression to talk about something more than what it's talking about. And I think that's part of the territory that Zen tries to explore with words. Hmm.

[62:25]

And then interestingly, when I'm in a certain state of mind, it's like that has more capacity. It's a more potent expression. Or what I intuit as its invitation, the invitation it's offering feels more so. But I also find it interesting that when you work with something like that, that resonates for you, the access to that potency, and that's one of the ways to work with coin.

[63:45]

It's like bringing it up, bringing it up. You know, like one way is see nothing but the corner. Everywhere you turn, this very mind is Buddha, this very mind is Buddha, this very mind is Buddha. Someone yells at you because you like the word and say, this very mind is Buddha, you know. You're in the zendo feeling very whole. this very mind is good. It's just one of the ways. To me, this is part of the intrigue of Zen, that it's not trying to banish these tendencies of our human minds. It's saying, well, let's use it carefully. Okay, you could sit there and generate all sorts of

[64:48]

Notions, fantasies, yearnings, assumptions. Or you can use the workings of mind to help awaken it. Okay. I'm just going to pick apart. I know what I'll do. I'll let you pick it apart. And here's what I was going to do. And the first part we've covered wonderfully. And he's going to read the start of Ben de Wa. And I know most of you have heard this before, but I would say, you know, I think some things you find are worth rereading. I've probably read this at least 50 times, you know. As we continue to practice things and continue to experience the ground of practice and the expression of practice, what our consciousness picks out of a Dharma statement can shift.

[66:19]

Sometimes you might read something. Forget all about it. Just do your practice. Pick it up a year later. Sometimes you can read something and think, what the hell is that? You put it away. Pick it up a year later and you're like, ah, yeah. when they're in the territory of awareness, we're constantly learning. All Buddhists simply transmit and actualize awakening

[67:22]

This engagement of the self. Self-receiving functioning. That's if you break it into three characters, that's how they translate into imagery. And, you know, he simply says, this is what's They can one practice and transmit and teach. How to receive yourself? Simply transmit the wondrous dharma and actualizing of it. They teach it. How to receive yourself? or that activity, in that sense receiving.

[68:35]

Karmic consciousness, yes. And then what I had in mind to do, but we'll just... Zazen Shin, a fascicle on the practice of Zazen, the mind of Zazen. What a Quran is trying to do, it's trying to illustrate a dynamic rather than present Well, if you present that in a certain way, it seems like you're saying, this is it, and that's not it.

[69:46]

And that's what it's all about. This, this, and that. And that's right, and that's wrong. And really, it's trying to present the dynamic nature of awareness. Paying attention is not based on fixed notions. So how do you communicate that? How do you illustrate that? This is the territory. Probably you've all heard lots of times where, you know, Master Ma is meditating. Nangaku says to him, what are you doing? And he says, I'm sitting to become a Buddha. And he starts polishing a rock. And he says, what are you doing? I'm polishing the tile to become a mirror, to make it turn into a mirror.

[70:48]

And he says, how can you make a tile into a mirror? And he says, how can you polish karmic consciousness into be something pure, like a Buddha? And that's the command. And an interesting thing Dogen does with each phrase, so you can think, okay, good question, wrong answer. Okay, well, what's the right answer? Okay. And then Dogen takes it and he goes through it and he says, good question, good answer. Like he says, You make your effort to discover how to make your effort. You make your effort, and in the process of making your effort, you start to see what's implicated in your effort.

[71:59]

Do you have a special result in mind? Is there a way in which you're efforting? straining, trying to stop something from happening, trying to make something happen, you know? And the reason Dodon extolls Master Mara, you do what you do and you discover how to refine what you do by doing what you do. He has a particular notion of attainment. What a terrible notion. What a terrible way to come at practice. ...a place to start.

[73:08]

So we sit down in contrast to not bringing forth your effort. And when the teacher polishes a tile, Bergen says, is there such a thing as wrong effort? I mean, if you really pay attention and see yourself polishing a tile trying to turn it into a mirror, won't you learn something? Won't something arise out of that that will instruct your practice?

[74:11]

And in a way, what he's saying is the through line is awareness. Your karmic disposition will incline you to a certain way of engaging, behaving, thinking, feeling. This is your karmic disposition. But the awareness, you bring awareness to it, the awareness perhaps go beyond that fixed definition, that fixed statement. So Dovan's not even willing to say, oh, polishing attack. Add awareness, and something helpful can arise.

[75:14]

And then Draco says, when the ox and cart won't go, do you beat the cart or do you beat the ox? And then, of course, what is the cart? What is the ox? What is beating? If you read it, it might exhaust you, but... It's also a demonstration of this with a fixed assumption. Classically, I think it's the mind that's putting together the constructs and making them real. The mind puts together the notion.

[76:35]

He says, Go ahead, beat the cart. Work with the construct. Work with the definition you've created. But look at what beating means. Is beating some aggressive aversion or some notion? Well, what about this concept? In what way is it potent or compelling? How does that help? How does that hinder? How is that reflected in the breath?

[78:02]

in the posture. You know, I often teach, I say, okay, shikantaza is formless. It has no fixed form. However, There's a useful cart. Well, isn't that in denial of the pornlessness of shikantazo? can be skillful.

[79:03]

So Dogen says, work with the cart, work with the ox, and explore what working is. Okay, I'm going to stop there. Mm-hmm. [...] This is the point that Dogen goes when he talks about the beating.

[80:20]

This is why he says, study beating. What exactly are you proposing or assuming or expecting in the engagement? or I'm not. And so the three lines for Dogen is this notion that of seeing the workings of self. Okay, see that. If that's what the mind creates, see it.

[81:23]

Be aware of it. And in that awareness, the propensity to turn it into something, an I and that, a success or failure, that propensity... that Koran, and in each part of it, that is message, you know? And he doesn't say it exactly like that, but he does, in his involvement, he says, and that's the subject of G.G. Luzama. Each part of it, the axe, the cart, the beating, you know, the polishing the tile. And he's saying, he's illustrating how this is the key of liberation.

[82:24]

And this is the teaching that the Buddhas and the patriarchs taught. Okay, what have we done? Oh, let's talk about something. to the Zendo in a few minutes and you'll see what you've done. You don't blame it all on me. Yes, Michael. Oh, sorry. Thanks. I didn't see your hand, Claire. You can't even remember? Okay. Well, let's see if you can. ha ha ha He says, without practice, it's not manifest.

[83:56]

And what is it that's manifest? The working of karmic consciousness, the apparent. So the first class was about intention. When intention is actualized, awareness comes forth. And what are we aware of? the apparent arising within the real. We can say the real is awareness. The apparent is what's constructed. And then in the second class, like so that walking with your eyes closed, Maybe a lot, maybe a little.

[84:57]

Maybe you insist on opening your eyes and saying, no, no, no, I have to be in my usual world or it will be too dangerous. Or whatever you do. But it shifts you out. It inclines you towards formless awareness. And what happens in formless awareness? The particulars of conditioned consciousness arise. the apparent arises within the real. And then, in a repeated question, stimulating the construct. How do you suffer? What do you want? The utter heresy of rather than trying to banish them all from the pure world of Zen, coming forth like hungry growth.

[86:01]

Then you add the admonition of the real. Every day is a good day. This bindless existence. just avoid taking into, you know, they're alluding to the real. Words can just allude to it. And then today, I was trying to that experience in a helpful way. And of course, any construct, any conceptual framework you create, you're in dangerous territory.

[87:16]

But sometimes we beat the cart. Thank you.

[87:30]

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