This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So good morning, everybody. Thank you very much for being here. Some of you know me, some of you don't. My name is Jiryu. I'm a teacher in residence here at Green Gulch. It's been a while since I've been on the seat here. And it's wonderful sort of to be here. Especially special to see folks coming today who don't live at Green Gulch. Wonderful. Before I left on a break. was sorely missed.

[01:02]

So thank you for coming to encourage our practice and to bring your practice. It's the best. Welcome and hello to those online, my old friends and anyone newer online. Thank you also for offering your practice and taking the time to turn your attention to the Buddha way in the form of a Dharma talk at Green Gulch. So also today here we have a number of new guest students. Thank you also for being here. Many of these folks are considering longer term stays here at Green Gulch. And I hope your stay so far is going well and that you feel welcomed and have what you need. And most of all, maybe I hope that you're getting some taste or some flavor or some whiff of the real practice that we're trying to do here, despite ourselves.

[02:19]

So I'm having this morning, feeling a little bit better right now, but I have been experiencing a very familiar sort of crushing feeling. that comes with the words, do I have to, called food, do I have to give the Dharma talk? It's impossible to give a Dharma talk. It's just impossible. It's a total setup. It's impossible to give a Dharma talk. And maybe, as I said, because it's been a while since I've been on the seat, it's especially strong. And maybe also there's a feeling of impending doom. at the prospect that I'll need to be on this seat again and again for some years to come. And of course, you know, it's not really necessary, right, that we give a Dharma talk. It's totally enough. We'll just sit here together.

[03:29]

which anyway is all we'll be doing this morning, really. Hearing sounds and feeling sensations, having emotions and thinking thoughts. I'm trying to feel deeply and connect with what is actually happening. So, of course, nothing I can say really can add or take away from that. And I was reflecting that in the old days, in the so-called golden age of Zen, back in Tang Dynasty China, the great Zen masters had all kinds of wonderful, creative ways to get out of giving Dharma talks. They would do things like ascend the seat and then just go back down. Or ascend the seat and then turn and face the wall.

[04:35]

Or ascend the seat and raise one finger. I don't think we can get away with that sort of thing anymore. And then descend. At least not, you know, a so-so thin teacher like myself in this not-so-golden age of Dharma. It's harder, you know. We have to just sort of follow the schedule. And the schedule says Dharma talk. So here we go. Because I have had this feeling, I wanted to talk about this line that we just chanted. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million kalpas or eons. Having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept, I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata, the Buddha's words.

[05:43]

So that verse is on my mind, especially that last line. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. I vow to taste the truth of the Buddha's words or teachings. Or we sometimes say, I vow to hear the true Dharma. And when I do, I'll be on the hook. I vow to hear the true Dharma, and when I do, I'll live from it. So I sort of feel that that's our deal this morning, that I'll give the Dharma talk if you vow to hear the true Dharma. And we'll do that together. So that line has always been important to me in my practice as a student. was important to me to say it with sincerity. I feel so encouraged. Every time seeing you do that chant, I think you really mean it.

[06:51]

And I think that I have also really meant it sometimes. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's word. So as a student, that vow supported me. And as a teacher, it became important to me that other people were making that. that vow, as they listen certainly to anything I'm saying, and now as I'm getting ready next month to be installed here as Avid, it feels totally crucial and vital that everyone who is interacting with me in any way please takes the vow to hear the true Dharma. So every time I take the seat or say something, and I think this is true of all of us who say anything ever, we're painfully, I at least am painfully aware of the likelihood, the great possibility that I will hurt or mislead somebody.

[07:55]

You folks online still here? Yeah. Audio issues. Okay. I will keep going. Yeah. I will trust that you all online are hearing the true Dharma somehow. Okay. Our late abbot, Myogen, had this wonderful line. He said, don't sell short the dharma. I asked him, what does this stick mean? And he said, don't sell short the dharma. This is a beautiful offering. Give the dharma its due. I vow to give the dharma its due, but of course I can't give the dharma its due. So I'm always concerned that I am not giving the dharma its due because I'm not. And furthermore, I know and am becoming more and more aware with all of your help that I am a conditioned and confused and greedy and hateful being with all of those seeds and elements present in various forms in my body, speech, mind, heart, full of all kinds of biases and insensitivities and prejudgments.

[09:31]

some of which I can sort of see, and a lot of which are still out of view. So my hope as a teacher is that the assembly is listening very charitably, very kindly, and with this sincere vow to hear what's true. So that when we start, we touch our own vow. I actually want to hear truth that will help me in this difficult life to awaken wisdom and compassion. I really want, I vow, to make my best effort to hear that truth. And I want that for you too. And I don't want anything I say to interfere with that, with your process of hearing the true Dharma. So when we say this together, we vow to hear the true Dharma.

[10:36]

We're affirming that the essence of the Dharma talk, the point of a Dharma talk, the power of the Dharma period is our own effort, our own vow, our own engagement with it. So the real Dharma talk is totally dependent on each of your sincerity and listening. Which makes me wonder, all those Dharma talks that I've left saying, well, that wasn't a very good Dharma talk. Whose fault was that exactly? It's all of our fault. But what was my part? Where was my sincere vow to hear the true Dharma? So all of us working together, somebody here moving his mouth because it's his turn, and others of us sincerely listening, we're all reaching for something true. in the middle of all of our shared collective confusion. So from my self-centered spot here, I'm very happy that you take this vow.

[11:47]

Thank you very much. And also for those of you here, because you're considering longer residence at Green Gulch, I also feel like this vow is really important and shows something really important about the possibility of practicing here at Green Gulch. So I always try to share this message in some form with people who arrive, which is that there will be many things here. I don't know how many. Half, two-thirds, a third. There will be many things that you don't like or maybe don't agree with. And it is absolutely your right to get caught up to get caught by and caught up in and distracted by those things. You are very welcome to let those things define your stay here. And I've spent many years letting those things that I don't like define my stay.

[12:53]

And for any of those of us who are not in temple residence, it's really not any different. We have a life with some proportion of things that we don't like, and we are all completely entitled to let those things define our life, define our experience, and to be consumed by the untrue things. So the question that this vow poses is, what would it be to give ourselves to the true thing, to sort of thirst for the true thing and be always seeking for that true thing and that beautiful thing. The suggestion is that we might have a more fulfilling time if rather than again and again habitually getting tangled in what we don't like or don't get or feel is going wrong,

[14:05]

If we instead make every effort to touch and nourish, cultivate that heart that is meaningful and true and beautiful and deep. And it's not always easy, so we put our palms together and we say it as a vow. I vow to hear the true Dharma. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. So I was thinking this morning about children's books and the training that we offer to children. And there is a training called, What's Wrong With This Picture? What's Wrong With This Picture?

[15:07]

So we show a picture and look at that. The door is upside down. Something's wrong with this picture. And that's really good training. It has its place. It's important that we learn and see and name what's wrong with this picture. That we be sensitive to that. The door is upside down. Problems will be created. It might not open. The problem for many of us myself certainly, is that we get so good at that, so well-trained in what's wrong with this picture, that door's upside down. So used to that effort that we live our whole life walking through the world, interacting with our loved ones, meeting rocks and tiles and buildings and trees with what's wrong with this picture always on our lips. What's wrong with this picture? What's wrong with this picture? That's our mantra.

[16:09]

Not, I vow to hear the true Dharma. But what's wrong with this picture? What's wrong with this picture? So there's another book, too. Where's Waldo? Which came to mind. So I said, maybe that's what I'm talking about. Where's Waldo? Where is Waldo? Are you looking for Waldo? It takes some effort. So I don't know. Maybe you don't all know these books about where's Waldo. Picture books for kids. And there's a lot going on on a page. And it's easy to get caught up in it all. But your job, dear reader, is to see straight through and find this Waldo character in there with the striped red and white shirt. Where's Waldo? That's my intention. I'm going to look for that. Even better, books on the same vein are the... You know, Richard's Scary books, The Cars and Trucks and Things That Go.

[17:12]

Many of you know those wonderful books. In those, you're looking for Gold Bug, this beautiful little bug. I wanted to bring the book. There's different versions of it, but there's the giant book. But I couldn't find it. I think we got rid of it. The kids did not need it anymore, and I didn't know that I would need it. So gold bug, for those of you who don't know, gold bug is this small, beautiful, golden bug. Maybe Buddha, possible. And it's there. Gold bug is in every picture, on every page. There's a lot going on in these pictures, and it takes this effort to see, but gold bug is there. So these are these kind of exuberant pictures with dump trucks and pencil cars and pickle cars and cabbage cars and concrete trucks and all of this chaos.

[18:16]

And we enjoy, of course, and appreciate all that's going on on the page. But the job is to find Goldbug. And we know, even if we have our doubt, I don't think Goldbug's on this page. I don't think Goldbug is in this one. But we know, we have this faith that Goldbug is actually, it has been promised to us. The gold bug is on every page. This is what the Buddha promised to us. Gold bug is on every single page. It's going to be hard to find it, but gold bug is there meeting our effort. No gold bug there. That wasn't a very good Dharma talk. Gold bug is there. So this is the opposite. This is maybe the opposite training. There's what's wrong with this picture. And then there's this training. And where is the bright and true and beautiful and helpful thing? I vow to make the effort to find that. I need that because I need that.

[19:18]

Because the world needs me to find that. So I vow to find that, to look for that. And I won't say, oh, it's not on this page. Turn the page. Or that's my vow at least. And then we say, turn the page, it's not on this page. But then we remember our vow. And one page or another, we actually stay until we find the bug. So I do, well, I guess I should mention that as Dogen Zenji, our Soto Zen founder, said of the Shirangama Sutra, Cars and trucks and things that go may express authentic Dharma, but it is not an authentic Sutra. So I just want to revise a little bit the image that that teaching presents. I think it's very helpful, but just a little correction to bring it into more alignment with our teaching.

[20:20]

In our practice, the true thing that we're looking for, the true Dharma that we vow to hear, or the Tathagata's words, that without the taste, are not hidden. They're not a hidden little bug. The thing that we're striving to look for, that's hard to see, is the brightness and truth in every single thing. So in the picture, you know, Goldbug is hiding in one of these cars, but I'm not sure which one. In our way, every single thing car and truck and thing that goes is in itself. Being itself is that brightness and that truth. We're trying to see the pickle car just as the pickle car is. It's gold bugged. It's bright. It's alive. It's helpful. It's saving me. Helping everyone. So it may seem like it's hidden and it can be hard to see, but it's hiding in everything.

[21:26]

It's there in everything. Nowhere secret or special. So I hope that it's obvious or clear that I don't feel this is our teaching does not set this up as an either or sort of effort. We can ask and should ask generally, what's wrong with this picture? And where is the bright and true and helpful thing? We have this practice here of trying to, whenever we can, to say and instead of but. So we're not saying it's one or the other. But that we receive this offering, this teaching and vow, and consider if a habit of what's wrong with this picture...

[22:31]

is obstructing our full view, our full appreciation of the Dharma. It is, what's wrong with this picture? Interfering with my hearing the true Dharma, connecting fully with the truth of this moment, the sounds and the sensation. Often that true and bright and beautiful and helpful thing is quieter. What's wrong with this picture is sometimes so easy to grab hold of. So we say this vow to hear the true Dharma just to help make sure that what's wrong with this picture doesn't drown out the actual amazing

[23:35]

truth of our life. Or as Suzuki Roshi is said to have put it, he is said to have said, you seem more concerned with your problem than with the fact that you're alive. This is a marvelous statement. Problems so easy to see. And the fact that I'm alive is subtle and quiet. I vow to hear that true Dharma, not instead of seeing something wrong, but as my vow to awaken for everyone. Really, the fact that something is deeply wrong with this picture, and there is really something deeply wrong with this picture of human life and human suffering, and that's the Buddha's diagnosis, is there is something really wrong.

[24:49]

Everyone is just in terrible suffering and difficulty, some more than others. There is something wrong with this picture. Living beings everywhere. suffering tremendously. And we notice that and we're moved by that. And so we give rise to this vow to find the true thing. We don't do this instead of dealing with suffering. We do it because we've noticed the suffering and then feel this call to find something true that could actually help in this world of suffering. So that, That there's something wrong with this picture is what motivates us. It's the foundation of our path. And it's kind of the point of our path is to try to get the doors right, to fix the picture, to heal, to help the picture, to liberate ourselves and everyone from this ongoing, profound suffering of all forms.

[25:56]

So it's not about just, you know, willfully ignoring the suffering of beings. I'm just into truth and beauty. Don't harsh my mellow with suffering. We don't say, I vow to touch my actual life. I vow to hear the true Dharma in order to just enjoy my bliss realm. We want to touch that true, real thing in order to have room, capacity, space, presence to be able to meet. what's wrong with this picture to be able to meet the suffering in ourself and in each other and in the world and actually engage it. So seeing the true thing opens, opens up our compassion and our capacity. I mean, the terrible thing.

[27:01]

so we can keep looking. We can keep seeing what's wrong with this picture. I had a little concern as I was working on this talk. I thought, I wonder if some people might think that Jiria's talk is about how the most important thing is just to not question the teacher who happens to be Jiryu today. That occurred to me, and that seemed like that would be nice. Some small part of me would be very happy, you know, to just be liked and not questioned or challenged in any way. I think I would feel rather sick afterwards, having so profoundly sold short the Dharma. So that's not at all my intention. To see, to hear the truth, And sort of not get confused by what's wrong and what's false and what's unhelpful. But be so thirsty for the helpful true thing that we go for that.

[28:21]

But that doesn't mean we don't question or challenge or raise or notice. Well, that doesn't sound right. So we have at the start of our Soto Zen lineage, we have this beautiful example of an ancestor saying, that doesn't sound right. So we do question the teaching. That is part of this vow. To hear the Dharma is to clarify the Dharma. I thought I hear the true Dharma, but that didn't sound like true Dharma. Let's work on this. So Dongshan, Tozan Ryokai Dayosho, was hearing the Heart Sutra, this famous story that maybe many of you know. The Heart Sutra that we chant every morning. No eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind. And he was chanting, listening to this. And I would say he had the vow to hear the true Dharma. And he said, that's not true. I have a nose. I have a nose. That is not true. And that question, that problem with the teaching, that challenge opened the path for our whole lineage, our whole tradition.

[29:34]

That challenge is the condition of our being here today together practicing. But he asked, he followed this question all the way through. He didn't use the question to dismiss the Heart Sutra. He thought, I need to understand the Heart Sutra more deeply. Thank you. Please hear the... True Dharma in the pots and the pans. The preaching of every grain of rice and each drop of water. Letting it call you home. So he was questioning, Tozan Ryokai Dongshan was questioning the teaching.

[30:45]

But I don't think he was doing this thing that a friend mentioned to me, this wonderful phrase that I heard the other day called listening against. Have you heard that expression? But that's what I do. That's exactly it. Listening against. I'm going to listen against you. I feel like I've listened against a lot of Dharma talks. and I've listened against a lot of friends and a lot of teachers. I think it speaks for itself. You know that feeling? Listening against. So Dongshan had a concern, but wasn't listening against the Dharma talk, the Sutra. I want to just say a little bit more about an aspect of this teaching before we conclude.

[31:56]

So as maybe it is clearer in the way that I'm talking about this, the line, the vow, I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words, also describes our practice of Zazen. Because the Buddha's words in our teaching are the exact sounds of this present moment, whatever they are, and the sensations, and the light, the shapes. So if everything all the time is expounding the Dharma, then this vow to hear the true Dharma is really Zazen, being open to share in the teaching of everything that is in this moment.

[33:12]

So this line says that this wonderful, perfect dharma is rarely met with. And in a sense, you know, at the surface, that points to this point that's made often in Buddhism, that it's amazing that we're here. It's amazing that we have a human body. It's like impossible. Statistically impossible, as a friend of mine once said, which I thought captured it. It's just impossible that we would have happened on a human body, and that having a human body, we would have a chance to practice a liberative teaching that's amazingly special. Buddhist teaching talks a lot about how lucky we are to be humans hearing the Buddhist teaching. So in that sense, it's rare. But from this other... sense that's maybe more the zen feeling is is that this teaching this rare teaching is that everything is the teaching all the time what's rare is that we meet it so we say is rarely met with it's flowing our life is flowing all the time teaching offering liberative dharma and most of the time we're just plowing through not meeting it so we spend eons

[34:48]

plowing through, not meeting the perfect dharma that is offering itself moment after moment. So we say this, I vow to meet this. It's rare that I meet it. But I know it's here, so I vow to try to meet it. That I think would be, you know, to walk through the world with beginner's mind, I guess, with a completely open mind and warm heart, listening for the truth of each and every thing.

[35:50]

including people, very helpful. Your friends will be grateful. But actually all beings and all beings, whether we want to say they're living or not living, we talk a lot about sentient beings and living beings, but we don't, I don't know if we need to believe that. Hard to find a non-living being. It's hard. I have trouble and the tradition has trouble. pointing out anything, finding anything that's not alive. You know, as we sit and experience, really feel our own life. Where's that thing that's not, is something not alive in this situation? Someone please point out the thing that's not alive in this situation. Everything is alive and teaching. Or you could say, as Dogen says, everything is beyond any kind of idea. sentient being or not sentient being.

[36:56]

So please don't think that this vow to hear the true Dharma or to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words just has to do with humans. What would that mean to drive my car vowing to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words, to walk through my whole life that curious and open? I want to close with some words of Suzuki Roshi's, which I find so beautiful that I repeat them whenever I get a chance, and which to me expresses what it is to open to the true Dharma with everything. So Suzuki Roshi says, sharing the feeling we have right here, right now, is the fundamental thing for Zen practice. Zen is, in a word, to share our feeling with people, with trees, and with mountains, wherever we are.

[38:11]

That is Zen practice. So to share the feeling of life that we have, with everything that's around us, and to join in the feeling that everything has that's around us. To join in is to receive its teaching. It's to be transparent, letting our feeling be experienced, be appreciated by the rocks and trees and each other, and to let all of that, the trees and rocks and each other, share their life with us. That's to hear their dharma. That's to turn the dharma together. Do you know what that might be? Does that make sense?

[39:16]

Like if you have a feeling for your life right now, is it like closed in? Or can it actually be shared with all of the space around us? And can we look around and feel and notice and be receiving the feeling that everything is presenting to us? That, I think, is how we take a step in the space of this vow to hear the true Dharma, to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. So thank you very much for your kind attention this morning. Appreciate your vow to hear the Dharma and your manifestation of it by your staying with me this morning, staying with these words. Any benefit that comes, and the tradition says that great benefit, more than we know, comes from our thinking and turning and sitting in this way.

[40:20]

So if that's so, if there's some benefit, May we appreciate it, but even more may we turn it over for the benefit of all suffering beings. Anything that our practice, any fruit of our practice we offer to the liberation from suffering of everyone. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[41:14]

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