Welcome again. So I have this little slideshow that I was hoping I could show you so you could know what it looks like here. For those of you who have not been to Green Balch, it's just a very beautiful place, and I'm quite happy to be here again after all these years. I think people have this experience if you... you leave your home or you leave some place you've been a long time and you sort of got used to it, you know, and then you go back. And there's a talk that Suzuki Roshi gives about returning to a Heiji monastery where he trained as a young man, as a young monk for several years. And there's no big deal, you know, he's in this beautiful monastery in the mountains of Japan and running around doing monk things. And then he leaves, and then some years later, he goes back, and he talks about just tears started pouring down his face. You know, he says, my nose is running, my tears are flowing. He was so moved by this very familiar place.

[01:14]

And I think Maya Wender and I, who both are here for the intensive, this January intensive that's being led by our teacher, Reb Anderson, there's about 90 people here. So it's a very full, full house. both of us are feeling really sweet feelings about being here again. So I think what I'll do, because I'm not really sure I'm going to be able to show you my slideshow, you know, I just ran around taking pictures around 4 o'clock. So I'll show it next week. I'll figure out how to do it. So this evening I'm going to basically give you some thoughts about what I'm doing and how this practice is. I think I told some of you, some of you are new, and I want to welcome those of you who are joining us this evening for the first time. And I'll go around and welcome all of you one by one after I've finished saying the things I have to say in about 20 minutes or so.

[02:15]

But I think those of you who were here before know that I was going to be leaving Enso Village and coming to Green Gulch to do this January intensive. And so we're here for three weeks. And I knew, having been around Green Gulch for many years when the January intensive was going on, that it is truly intensive. It's very much like the schedule that we follow at Tassahara. The monastic schedule is probably the closest thing to it are these three weeks. So I thought it might be interesting for you to hear a little bit about what our schedule is like. And there's a saying... that I heard early on in my time studying Zen, that the real teacher of Zen is the schedule. And I think there's a lot of truth to that, you know, because the schedule basically fills your entire day. You know, I'm still on the schedule right now. I've asked to be relieved from meditation, which is going to be going on over in the Zendo at this time.

[03:22]

I said, I have a class. I want to go see my sangha. And, of course, my teacher said, of course, that'd be fine. So I'll be able to come for the next two weeks as well and share some of the experiences that we're going through here and doing this practice together. So I thought I'd tell you a little bit about the schedule. For those of you who haven't done a full monastic schedule at a Zen temple, most of the days now we get up at 4 in the morning, and the Zazen begins at 5. So we sit two 40-minute periods. The first is at 5, and then 5.40. We have a walking meditation for 10 minutes, and then we sit back down again for another 40-minute sit. And then at 6.30, We all turn around from having been facing the wall. Those of you who've been sitting together at Enso know that we, in the Zen tradition, at least this style of Zen, we face the wall. So we're all facing the blank white wall of the Zendo.

[04:25]

And after the two periods of Zazen, we turn around and we face each other. And then we do what's called morning service. And morning service is kind of a wonderful thing. It's chanting together. And there's something about chanting together that has a really powerful feeling of finding those sounds together, coming together, melding, making as best we can one sound. And given the number of people in the Zendo now, and many of them have been practicing for many years, I think there's 16 priests here. We don't even know who they are. They're from all over the country. But they've been ordained in their own temples. They're all Soto Zen students. So they have experience of chanting. So the sound in the room is quite extraordinary. So we chant for half an hour. And the chanting consists of some dedications. Some of the liturgy includes some of these lectures that we've talked about over the years, like the Sandokai, Suzuki Roshi's favorite poem, and the Song of the Jewel Mirasamadi, another wonderful poem by our founding teacher,

[05:35]

a Zen master of many centuries ago, a Chinese Zen master by the name of Dongshan, who wrote the Song of the Jewel Mirror Samadhi. And that's a beautiful poem as well. So sometimes we chant those together. That's part of, you know, one day one, next day another. We also chant the names of the Buddhist ancestors, starting with Shakyamuni Buddha. and going through the many names that are from India, and then the names in China, and then the Japanese names, and then we end with Suzuki Roshi's name, which is quite sweet. So after service, we then set ourselves up for eating breakfast, and we eat breakfast in the Zendo as well. There's a set of bowls. We have these three nestled bowls. Actually, there's more than three, but for priests there are more than three, but I don't need to get into that. But for laypeople, they have three bowls and they're wrapped in a cloth and they have utensils and it's kind of like a picnic set.

[06:39]

You could easily go out and have a picnic with this set of bowls. So we take our bowls and we put them in front of us and then it's all silent. And then the people who are going to be serving the meal, they come in with these big pots and they go down the aisles. We're all sitting along the platforms. like we have at Enso, we have those as well. There's these long wooden platforms and all the people are sitting on the platforms during Zazen. And then during the meal, we're sitting on the platforms with our bowls in front of us. So the servers come, we open the bowls, there's a ritual way of doing that. And then they come and they bring you food. So you get usually a grain in the first bowl and some kind of maybe miso soup in the second bowl. perhaps some pickles, daikon pickles in the third bowl, that kind of thing. So that takes about an hour to eat. And then they bring in hot water and we clean our bowls and wrap them back up and we're ready to go for the next meal. So it's very efficient, actually, the way this whole thing works. And it's nice because it's quiet.

[07:43]

It's all quiet. We're not talking yet. In fact, we don't... really, the talking is not really part of the schedule at all until dinner time. So at dinner, there's a social meal. So we go over to the dining room, and everybody talks, and it's quite noisy after spending the day pretty much in silence. And then we have this very noisy social meal over in the dining room. So after breakfast, we then have a... short break and we get to, you know, go get a cup of tea or whatever. And then we go back to the Zendo and we sit most of the morning until around lunchtime. And then we do the same routine, our eating bowls and the servers come in and we have our meal. Alternately, if we don't sit in the morning, the teacher, Rev. Anderson, will give a class. So that's very nice. And we all go into a special room with chairs, and he talks about this particular text that he's been studying and sharing with us for a while now.

[08:49]

So we've had one of those classes so far. We'll have another one probably tomorrow. So it's either sitting meditation in the morning or hearing Dharma discussion and having a conversation about the material that we're studying together. And then after our lunch meal, We have another break for about an hour. And then there's what's called a work meeting at 1.50. And the work meeting, the whole circle of people, we're all now in our work clothes and we make a big circle around on the lawn at Green Gulch. And if you come next week, I'll show you pictures of that area where we gather. And their announcements are made. Maybe somebody lost something or there's a question about work or whatever. So we meet for about 10 minutes and then we go to our crew. So I have the great fortune of having been assigned to the kitchen. So for two hours, I go over to the kitchen, which many years ago, I was the head cook in that kitchen. So I have a really powerful memory of being in that kitchen and being responsible for what goes on in there.

[09:53]

But the joy of it now is that I have no responsibility whatsoever. They just give me a big, you know, big... box of beets. And they say, okay, would you prep eight gallons of beets? And I go, yeah, I'm happy to. So then I get to wash and cut and prepare eight gallons of beets. And that takes about an hour to do that. And then we'll get another big box of something else. So there's a very nice feeling. And again, we're in silence. We're just doing the job together. There's a crew of about six of us in the kitchen. And at the end of that time, then we get a really long break. We get a break from four until almost 6 o'clock. And then we go back to the Zendo, and then we have our noisy dinner meal in the dining room, and then after that there's one more sitting period before bed. So that's the schedule, and it truly is the teacher. You know, if you can stay on the schedule, it's a little bit like...

[10:55]

Jumping on a fast-moving train is how I remember it and how I've been feeling about it now. I haven't been on the schedule for quite a long time now, you know, many, many months. But I was on the schedule for many years. So I'm a little bit out, I'm a little bit deconditioned from being on this particular schedule. But I'm starting to get back in the... back in the groove, beginning to be not quite so tired, not quite so, you know, feeling like, oh, no, what am I doing here? It was so beginning to remember why I did this in the first place and why I stayed for so many years, because there's something just truly joyful about working together with other people and sitting quietly together with other people. And, I mean, this thing together... is kind of important for human beings. And that's what I'm going to be talking about. The lecture that Suzuki Roshi gives in the book, this is the next one, is about that. It's about the together part. So... Let's see, where is my thing?

[11:59]

Okay. So... So this is the thing that I was just about to say. This is about being together. And... What I've realized over the years is this kind of schedule or that kind of discipline, that's a discipline, not as a harsh word, but as a good word, something I think humans can thrive with if they have the right kind of discipline and it's not punitive. It's actually something you want to do and you want to learn from what it is being offered. So I know I would not follow this kind of schedule or this discipline by myself. There's no way. I mean... I'm drawn to it. But when there's a room full of people and they're all doing the same thing together and there's this feeling of this kind of a, I don't know what it is, it's like a magnetism that we're drawn to each other. And, you know, I don't know how that is for all of you, but I find myself, I'm really drawn to go to the Zendo and I'm drawn to go to the classroom. And also I'm drawn to come here on Sunday. I feel that, you know, I come here because you're here.

[13:06]

You probably come here because I'm here. It's like we're drawn to each other. And it is mysterious. And at the same time, I think it may be on some level it's in our DNA. You know, we're a herd species. You know, we do count on our fellow humans. We count on each other for safety, you know, for love, for child rearing, for food and overall for our survival. And we have, you know, from the beginnings of as far back as we can tell that one of the ways we've evolved is to be together and to work together. And sadly, as we know, our survival and our safety is most often under threat from our fellow humans. So that's kind of the tragedy of the human species, is that we haven't really learned how to be together harmoniously, which is the kind of fundamental principle that holds this community together, is to learn how to live harmoniously with one another. So it seems like it's a good bit of our Zen training is learning how to negotiate sharing space and resources with others.

[14:10]

And many of the instructions that are given to us as we work are about just about that. You know, like when you're walking around the kitchen holding the knife, you hold the blade down. And you also, when you walk behind somebody, you say... audibly knife so that in case they are to turn suddenly, they're not going to run into you. So these are practices that we learned how to care for one another when we're working. You know, we don't leave knives in the sink. Somebody recently I went over and there was a new student and he had just put his knife into the soapy dishwater and I said, oh, don't do that. Somebody's going to come along and reach in that soapy dishwater and grab that knife. And so he said, oh, yeah, of course. So it's something that's not obvious always. It how to take care of each other. You know, he didn't see anybody around. He wasn't thinking about that. But it's something we can share. Those of us who've been doing this for a while have some sense of like, well, there are ways to take care of each other and you can learn them. So...

[15:11]

We also, you know, it's a good idea to glance before you move. Again, I see the young ones, they just kind of turn and run. They turn and they move, and they kind of run into you often. You know, I'm walking behind them, and they didn't see me because they didn't glance behind them before they turn. So that's another thing you learn to do. You just kind of glance behind you before you move into the aisle in the kitchen. So in returning to the kitchen, I have really been enjoying watching the newer students learning. how to work together harmoniously. And a lot of that harmony comes from yielding the right of way. Not all of us feel good about yielding the right of way. It's not the American thing to do. But I think that works really well on California freeways as well. After you, big green pickup truck, I'm not going to fight you for space. I'm not going to fight you for anything. I'm more than happy to yield if it leads to some safer situation for all of us who are driving on those crazy freeways. So the main thing I wanted to share with you this evening about returning to the practice schedule at Green Gulch is how much the next Suzuki Roshi talk resonates with our time together here.

[16:24]

The talk is entitled Experience, Not Philosophy. And it's followed by these words from Suzuki Roshi. There is something blasphemous in talking about how Buddhism is perfect as a philosophy or a teaching without knowing what it actually is. So, given how much I enjoy studying and learning and talking about Buddhist philosophy and how it compares to other kinds of thinking, you know, Roshi says that whether Buddhism is philosophically deep or good or perfect is not the point. as students of the Buddhist teaching, is to keep our practice in its pure form. And then the question is, well, what's that? What's the pure form? That's what he's going to be talking about. He says the pure form of Buddhist teaching is practicing meditation, what we call zazen in our tradition, practicing zazen with a group, which is to practice the original way of life,

[17:28]

for a human being, you know, that part of our DNA that longs to be together. And he then talks about how important it is to find the origin of things. And if we don't know the origins, then we can't understand the result. And how do we get here if we don't know where we're coming from? So without knowing the origins, we won't make a pure effort, and the result will also not be so good, not so pure. He then says, when we resume our original nature, and incessantly make our effort from this base, the base of origins, then we will appreciate the result of our effort moment after moment, day after day, and year after year. In other words, if we're only attached to some result or some accomplishment in our endeavors, we'll never get them. They don't happen. I mean, you've all accomplished things, but where are they now? You know, was that the end? Are you done? You know, it's sort of like, that's not accomplishing things. It's not the purpose of our life.

[18:30]

And it's because by definition, the goal is always out of reach. You know, if it's a goal, it's ahead of you or it's somewhere else. It's not where you are now. And that's, as you've heard many times, Zen is about where you are right now. There's no goal right now. There's presence. There's being alive and being awake where you are. You know, because we can never get over there. We can't get over there. We can only get here because we are here. We can't get out of here, as a matter of fact. So those who are attached only to the result of their effort, Suzuki Roshi says, will not have any chance to appreciate it because the result will never come. So on the other hand, as Buddhists are fond of saying, on the other hand, in our zazen practice, we are resuming our pure way of life. beyond any gaining idea and beyond fame and profit. By practicing without gaining ideas, without ideas based on accomplishment, we are keeping our original nature as it is.

[19:36]

So there's this next paragraph in this lecture I found really, really helpful. He says, there is no need to intellectualize about what our original nature is because it's beyond our intellectual understanding. And there's no need to appreciate it because it's beyond our appreciation. So just to sit without any idea of gaining something or getting something out of it, and with this pure intention to remain as quiet as our original nature, this is our practice. It's just simple. Just go sit. Just sit quietly with your friends. Just sit quietly for just a little while, you know. It's something that's almost, for me, it reminds me of, you know, we sit at Ensler Village now. It's about a half an hour. It's real different than two 40-minute periods. And then the rest of the day, you know, clearly it's a different commitment to sitting quietly. But at the same time, I feel like I really enjoy that period of quiet with other people in the zendo, that lovely little zendo we have up there.

[20:43]

It's just to be together, you know, with no purpose other than that. just to sit quietly together. We don't have to talk and tell our histories or what our accomplishments have been or whatever. We're not even facing each other. We're facing the wall. But I feel everybody there. And it makes me very happy. And it's very peaceful. And I feel like it's kind of like taking a shower or flossing or any of those other things we do that help us to feel like we've... gotten rid of something that we, you know, we don't need. We don't need that layer of stuff on our body or, you know, between our teeth. It's really nice to clean ourselves. And I think zazen does that. It kind of cleans our heads, you know, helps us to get some of the gunk out, those spider webs that tend to accumulate if we don't give ourselves time to just be quiet together, you know. So I have quite literally been finding the truth of this teaching. for all the studying and talking and thinking that I do about the Buddhist teaching, it's the actual practice of sitting quietly with others that has transformed my actual life.

[21:51]

And I know that. I can't tell you how it's transformed it or what changed. But I do know that just that commitment to sitting quietly with other people has been the most important thing I've done in my life. It's kind of funny. But it's really true. It's deeply true. Roshi says, we just come and sit, and then we go home and resume our everyday activity as a continuity of our pure, simple, silent practice together. And then he says, this is very unusual. This is very unusual. It is unusual. It's kind of strange. I mean, we all kind of wonder, like, what are we doing here? You know, why are we doing this? There's no answer. We just do it. You know, answering would be intellectualizing. You're trying to explain it or try to analyze it or whatever, trying to give it some kind of purpose or some point or some explanation. It's like, no, we just sit together. Why? Well, I don't know. It's just something we do. And it's something that has been done for 2,500 years by human beings who found this practice to be really beneficial to themselves and to the people around them.

[23:04]

So when people ask Suzuki Roshi questions about Buddhism, he says he feels really funny that they write down his answers. He says, our Dharma community, all we do is just this simple practice. It's not about writing down the answers or getting the answers right or any of that. You just get up. You wash your face, you go to the zendo, you chant the sutras, you eat breakfast, you clean the temple, you go to the zendo, you eat lunch, you go to the zendo, you eat dinner, you talk with your friends, you go to the zendo, and you go to bed. That's what we've been doing for three weeks. You know, I'm past the point where I want to do that all the time. I'm very grateful to be retired, and then I'm not on that schedule. Now I'm really enjoying... being what's called retired, and I have a lot more choices about what I do during the day, and that's quite lovely. But I do appreciate revisiting this very unusual thing that is being done here in this community, and many communities there, lots of them sprouting up all over the place.

[24:07]

And then he says, day after day and year after year, until the days and the years have lost all meaning. It's just this day. It's just this meal, just this conversation, just this silent practice together. And he says, because we don't even know what we're doing when we practice with the pure mind, we can't compare our tradition with any other tradition. We don't know what we're doing. Without knowing what we're doing, who we are, or where we're going, it's still possible to enjoy and celebrate our original nature. what some call our Buddha nature, you know, the source of our life. So when a friend of mine asked a Rinzai teacher some years ago, Rinzai is another form of Zen. There's two really big schools coming out of Japan that have arrived in the West. One of them is the one that Zen Center's been...

[25:09]

founded by a Soto Zen teacher, Suzuki Roshi. And there's another school, the Rinzai school, which is more familiar to people, I think, because a lot of the Rinzai teachers came early and they taught koans. So you might know that word koan. They're like Zen statements or very kind of short statements that like one of them is, does a dog have buddha nature? So the teacher, the student asks the teacher, Teacher, does a dog have Buddha nature? Kind of like referring to himself as a dog. Does this dog have Buddha nature? Kind of challenging the teacher. If everything is Buddha nature, you know, this dog? And so he says, does a dog have Buddha nature? And the teacher says, no. So it's like, now work with that, you know. So these are koans, and they're very interesting, and you can see there's different answers. Another occasion the teacher says yes. So it's not like there's an A answer to a koan. There are many answers, and it's an opportunity to have a relationship with a teacher and to bring questions to the teacher.

[26:16]

And the ones that are really interesting and have been, you know, held in memory for centuries now, are collected into various books. There's some wonderful texts. Here's the Book of Serenity that's quite popular in the Soto Zen tradition. And there's the Gateless Gate is another collection of koans. So these are all available. They've been translated into English. There's one that I'm really fond of by a Renzi teacher by the name of John Tarrant, who's in California. And he wrote his own explanation of some of these koans in a book called Bring Me the Rhinoceros. And that's actually a koan. And one of the teachers says to the student, so the teacher's sitting there and the student's serving him or doing something, making him tea or whatever. And the teacher says to the student, bring me my rhinoceros fan. So we can assume the fan is made out of rhinoceros horn, sadly. And the student says, the rhinoceros fan is broken.

[27:19]

And so then the teacher says, well, then bring me the rhinoceros. Snort. So again, this is a con and they're joyful. If you don't get caught by the fact that you think you don't know the answer, you know, whatever you say is fine. And whatever you do is fine. You can gesture, you can jump up and dance, you can whatever. And it's fine. It may not be memorable. You know, it may not get written down and passed on for centuries. But there's lots of different answers that have been given. And some of them really are very helpful to understanding what this Zen thing is all about. So anyway, my friend who was traveling with a Rinzai teacher... koan teacher, had been studying koans in that tradition. And, you know, she'd gotten a few of them, which is good. You get a few of them approved. And so she said to this rather famous Rinzai teacher who was visiting from Japan, would you do me a great favor? Would you tell me the answer to the last koan in the curriculum?

[28:23]

And he turned to her and he said, yes, I will. He said, the answer is love. I thought that was great. That's a great story right there. That should get written down and passed on for centuries. Dare I say, love. So... Anything else I wanted to add? Oh, yeah. So, you know, love. Love, we all know that word, love. But I think in the context of this talk by Suzuki Roshi, you know, it's love for things like... You know, our origins, understanding where we come from, that we belong together, understanding that. Love for the result of our practice and for our effort and for this community and for the world. And that's what Suzuki Roshi says is so unusual. When we understand that it's all about love, it's just love. That's the last, that's the final answer. It's love.

[29:25]

Okay, so that's what I wanted to offer, and I'd love to hear from you. I'm going to put on the gallery view, I hope. Oh, Karina's here on duty. She's going to leave me alone in a minute, and I'm going to have to figure this out. Oh, wonderful, there you are. It's so good to see you all. Okay, so I'm going to just say your names and welcome you. Hello, Kristen and Kiki. It's so good to have you and see you and my Enzo Village friends. And there's Farmers Insurance. It's very nice to see you. Hi, Maggie. Hi, April. Welcome. Good to see you. And Lisa from Way Far Away. Well, Lisa. Helene. Helene. Hello, Helene. And Jaco, and welcome back. Nice to have you again joining us. Akawan, nice to see you as always. Welcome. And Musho, welcome. And Kate, Tim, Stephen, Jerry, Carmina and Marianne.

[30:32]

Millicent from Far, Far Away. Sid, welcome Sid. We haven't met yet. Welcome. Michael, hello Michael. Hello Corey. Shozan, Far, Far Away. Cynthia, hi Cynthia. And there's Drew from Vermont and Brent. Welcome, Brent. And Hope. Hello, Hope. She's not that far away. She's about half as far away as some of the other folks. Colorado, is that right? Utah. Utah. And then we have Singapore. She's actually, it's breakfast time for Orsenko. She's getting her kids off to school. And there's Kate and Paul. Hello, welcome. Good to see you. Miss you guys. Hi, Dean, Adrian, Caroline, Tom. Hello, Tom. And Cyan. Cyan's a new name for me. So welcome, all of you. It's wonderful to see you. Please, whatever you would like to bring up or ask about, if you want to ask about what we're doing out here at Green Gulch Farm, you're welcome to, or anything else that this talk, this Izzy Kuroshi's talk, is

[31:44]

brings to mind for all of you. So please feel welcome to speak. Thank you, Cynthia. Hi, Fu. Hi, Cynthia. So just really, I'll keep it short, what your talk, your description of your day... And the experience that you get when you're sitting in community brought up for me was those many summers that I spent at Tassajara. And I think I wanted to bring that up because anybody who has some time, that is an opportunity that's available to all of us. We don't meditate at five, you meditate at six. It's... I worked in the kitchen chopping vegetables. So a lot of it was kind of very parallel to what you're describing that you're going through now. There were Dharma talks. We chanted. You could stay, I think, as short as a week if you do work practice up to a month.

[32:48]

And I would do the month because I'm a teacher and I can. But it's just something that's available that maybe people might not realize that they can go and have a... a similar experience to what you described, and I loved the feeling that I had, and I think I would probably settle into it even better this time, but being near people that you feel just their energy, you don't know them until you do, but just the energy of being in a room with people doing what you're doing. which is we're cutting vegetables or we're meditating or we're making beds or whatever it might be. It was a transformative experience. Thank you for your promotional... I was really hoping that would happen because I would love to have people feel welcome.

[33:49]

And, you know, the intensive is pretty intense. I wouldn't recommend anyone start there, although, you know, you'd... A lot of folks here have never done one of these before, and they're doing wonderfully well. But there are one-week stays also at Green Gulch, which is more like the schedule Cynthia is talking about, where you join the community for the morning sitting, and then you work during the day, and it's quite nice. And so part of my idea with the slideshow is also to sort of entice you and say, yeah, this is a beautiful place. It's like... a very nice walk to the beach, and the grounds are gorgeous, and the people are so kind. I mean, I think that's one of the things that's always been true in my time at Zen Center is people who come here are very kind. It's kind of the subspecies of humanity that's drawn to these watering holes. Musho. Hello, Fu. Hello. Hello, everyone. Yeah, I was just on a retreat with the village Zendo a couple weeks ago, and we follow this very similar schedule, getting up at 4, 4.30, being the Zendo at 5.30.

[35:01]

And it really is a way to connect to people, even though we don't say anything for five days. We don't have a social dinner, as you do. We just have silent meals three times a day, and then we don't break the silence until the end. But it is this incredible way of bonding with people. And I was glad to hear about what you're doing. And even though you've been doing this for years, you're still appreciating it. It's really great because it's tiring. It's exhausting, especially for me. I'm always doing a lot of different work positions. Putting on a Zen retreat is quite a thing. And if you ever get the chance, any of you who haven't done it, you should really try. It's really beautiful. I wanted to say something about Suzuki's story here because I'm running my own sitting group and I feel exactly the same way that Suzuki Roshi does.

[36:08]

It's really so simple. But the people who come in want to know stuff. You know what I mean? They want to be filled in. They want to hear talks, and they want things. And I can really only do that once a month. I can give a talk. But I have a Monday night group, and we don't talk at all. We just do meditation. But I sometimes feel like I'm not giving them enough. Like they need more, I feel like, but actually they don't. We do it. We work together. We do our meditation practice together. They all learn how to do it. And I think they're finding some peace and finding something about themselves when they're there. Yet I haven't given them talks or told them about the jewel mirror awareness or anything. Just what it is. But even so, I still feel like I'm not... I'm not doing enough. Well, you know, there's a wonderful thing that came to mind that I remember hearing years ago that someone said, well, how come it's so simple?

[37:13]

You do all this talking. You said, well, if I didn't do all this talking, there would be weeds growing at the monastery gate. Exactly. Oh, you know, it's kind of like the worm on the hook. You know, you want to give people a reason. They want a reason. They want some understanding of why they're doing that. So we do have, I mean, obviously there's libraries full of books with reasons and practices and all sorts of things. But it really comes down to the experience itself. You can't explain cold water. You can't explain sneezing. You can't explain anything, you know. Really. We're so addicted to explanations and, you know, taking notes. So I'm with you. I think it is simple and it's lovely. And I think we do end up talking a lot because it encourages people. And eventually they find that simplicity. And they go, would you stop talking now? It's just, yeah.

[38:16]

It's true. It's true. And one of my students said, well, you know, this is just sitting down and being quiet. And I said, yeah, but if I put a sign on the wall that said, come in for sitting down and being quiet, no one would come. Exactly. They do come and they do sit down and be quiet. And it's lovely. It is lovely. And thank you for doing that. You're welcome. Yeah. It's a gift to us, isn't it? It really is. Yeah. Thank you. Sid. Hello, Sid. Hi, Boo. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you for the talk. One that has gotten me twirled around for, I think, maybe a great part of a year now is what is the sound of one hand clapping? If you've heard of it and if you've had any interesting answers, I'd love to hear them. Is your teacher, are you working with someone who gave you that?

[39:19]

No, I read a book a while ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was quite interesting. It was, yeah, Mark Epstein, I believe the name of the author is. Oh, yeah. Center of Therapy is an incredibly popular book. Uh-huh, yeah. But seriously, if you've heard interesting answers, please feel free to share. I also had a question regarding Sundays at Green Gulch. I was planning on coming today, but I was under the weather. the last week or so. I know they have... if I'm not mistaken, like in-person, you know, Dharma talks and a quiet sitting available for the public. Is that right? Do you happen to know? Yes, we did today, actually. You could, would have been very welcome. It's a packed house because of these people here for the intensive, which is really nice. And Reb gave a very inspiring, it's on tape, it's online too. I mean, the recordings appear usually about a week later. So if you wanted to see what happened today, you could do that. But if you're feeling better and you're welcome to come next Sunday, he's going to give another talk because he's leading this intensive.

[40:22]

You just show up, park. The signs will tell you which way to head. Come say hi. I'll be sitting in a chair up in the front of the room. I'd love to greet you there. Thank you so much for the info. I'll see you next week. I'm feeling much better now, but I figure better to not risk it. Thank you for that, too. We're all a little nervous being together these days, aren't we? Thank you. Yeah, thank you, Sid. Nice to meet you. You're certainly welcome. Alisa? Boo, hello. Thank you for doing this in the middle of the intensive. You're welcome. Miss you. Oh, I so... Many times. Yeah, I so, so... I am sad, but it was kinder to stay and be with my husband who just retired. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. So, you know, we talk a lot about Zen. You wake up together.

[41:25]

And yet, I suspect I'm not alone in sitting by myself most of the time. You know, it's a treat to be able to come out to Green Gulch or to go up even to Brattleboro. So what do you make of the balance or the change? that you have to make when you're sitting alone. Yeah, well, you know, you might enjoy Reb's talk today because basically this sutra that he's talking about, the Avatamsaka Sutra, the Flowered Garland Sutra, is all about there is no such thing as alone. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's basically undermining that idea that we have that we're ever alone, that there isn't the entire... Well, he uses, you know, universe. The entire universe is supporting your sitting. And all of us who are sitting are with you sitting. You know, I'm just, you know, I'm sitting with you.

[42:27]

Yeah. You and I sat together many times. You know, we sat together at Tassajara every day. I remember you over in the corner over there. I remember you at tea at four in the morning. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. Thank you very much. Lisa was my... what's called my Anja, she would bring me tea and also took great care of me with snacks and all kinds of stuff. So, you know, we know together, even when I don't see you, you know, all I have to do is, you know, kind of, it's kind of like, you know, close your eyes and click your heels and you're there. It's basically, it's just knowing. Because we don't see each other all the time. But we have to know that we're together, that we're supporting each other, we're caring for each other. And when you can come, and we can literally be together, that's nice too. But the Dharma, the Buddha Dharma, he was supposedly by himself there under the tree, right? But he wasn't by himself. And that's what his realization was.

[43:29]

I'm not separate from the star, from the grass, from the tree. This is me. All of that around me is me. You know, this isn't me. You know, all of this is me. And so that's the basic, you know, that's the awakening that we all are called to realize. And, you know, I think you've had a taste of that. We've all had a taste of that. Certainly as children, we've known it. And I think we have that taste many times in our lives. But it's hard. It's slippery, right? Because then we go back to, oh, I'm all by myself. It's so easy to do that. And I think it is challenging to literally be sitting by yourself. But I would hope that wherever you end up, and I know you're in transition, that there will be people around and you can invite them. You know, all you need is one, you know. Just one other person is really nice, is supportive.

[44:33]

And so I know some folks have actually invited people to come into their living rooms to sit with them. And so that's certainly an option. And I hope, I hope you find that. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Fu. Yeah. You're welcome. Reminding me. Oh yeah. Okay. Anytime. Jerry. Hi, Jerry. Good evening, Flew, and everyone. Two very brief stories. One of them, Flew, I don't expect you to remember, but 20 years ago, I was in Belize on a tour with a small group of people, and I developed some kind of a reaction to things, and my feet were swelling, and I left the group and went to a local clinic, and it was at night, and they said, well, come back in the morning at... 6.30 in the morning and sit here and the doctor will arrive and there'll be other people waiting and you'll go into the clinic.

[45:35]

And I was sitting there and I was very nervous. I didn't speak Spanish. It was all these people who I didn't know, of course, mothers, babies, people crying. And I thought I should just sit quietly and meditate. And I began to. And I looked up and there you were, Fu. in Belize. And I thought, okay, I'm feeling a lot better. So I truly wasn't alone. And when I came back to the States and I happened to be a gringo, and I saw you, I said, thank you for coming to Belize. What are you talking about? Now I remember. I remember, yeah. That quick trip to Belize. The other quick story is I had the great good fortune to do a datun, which is a sort of a Tibetan shishin. It's a moon cycle.

[46:37]

You sit for one full moon cycle, which is, of course, 28 days. And the structure is very similar to what you described. It was very, very difficult, especially the first couple of weeks. And I want to let people know that you aren't alone. There are staff who talk to you nearly every day and check in with you and give you a perspective that you don't have. And I found that to be very, very helpful. The other thing that happened is in this sangha and any sangha, we're always talking about our minds, how we manage our minds. If you sit for three weeks or a month, the whole group begins to relax. Minds relax. And the spaciousness that we talk about, which is impossible to describe, you begin to experience.

[47:37]

And one manifestation of that, and this is what I really wanted to share. At the beginning of the fourth week, we'd be sitting in silence for... 25, 30 minutes in a 40-minute session, many 40-minute sessions, and we would just start laughing. The whole room would just break out in just complete laughter because everything was so spacious and everything seemed so ludicrous on one level and very important, but we were unable to talk about it, and we didn't want to talk about it. But it was just, oh, it was an experience that I don't think one can have unless you're in an extended period of silence with other people. Yeah. Yeah, thank you, Jerry, for reminding. Yeah, that happens in Zen sessions, not every time, but sometimes. Somebody... You know, one session, you know, I was mentioning oreoche where we eat our meals and you're sitting next to somebody and the server comes to two people at a time.

[48:47]

So they serve the first person and they serve the second person. And when you have enough in your bowl, you make a gesture with your hand. You don't have to say anything. You just lift your hand means that's enough. And so this one person was taking their cereal and the person next to them lifted their hand for him. You know, I mean, you're getting that kind of, you know. getting kind of a weird state. And so, and they start laughing and nobody else in the room knows why they're laughing, but pretty soon everybody's laughing because what, I mean, it's the funniest kind of funny that there is that has, it's not a joke. It's just some joyful, you know, full bodied laughter and it's so cleansing, right? I mean, it just cleans you all off. And anyway, thank you for reminding me about that. We need one of those. Every now and then, don't we? Yes. Make it happen. But it happens. Thanks, Gary. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

[49:48]

Hi, Drew. Hi, Phu. Yeah, if you don't mind me asking, I'm just wondering what it's like for you to go from so much sitting to sitting for a half hour a day. I mean, I went, are you noticing, is it affecting your sense of well-being or, you know, what's it like? Because I know I retired four years ago and I'm sitting as much as I can. And I don't know, it feels like I'm kind of clinging to it almost out of fear of not knowing what else to do if I wasn't with the sangha and have sitting practice. Yeah. Yeah, well, there is a bit of a kind of wondering going on up in my new abode. You know, like, what am I supposed to be doing now? We end up playing a lot of ping pong. I can get behind.

[50:51]

So Karina and I will go, should we go play ping pong? Yeah. So, you know, we do that quite a few times in the day. But also just taking long walks. I mean, there are so many lovely things to do in this world, you know. And eating with friends. I mean, there's some lovely people that I now are new friends. And Enzo Village now, they're on the screen right now. And just being able to have new people in your life and share a meal and talk about nothing. Just enjoy each other's company. But I do feel like, to your question about, you know, the difference... I'm really happy that I came back to do this kind of tightened up a little bit. I think the springs get a little loose in terms of my core understanding of what I'm here in the world to do. I'm not here in the world to just kind of have a nice day.

[51:53]

I really want to be able to offer the Dharma because it's such a treasure. And to have spent so many years taking care of it and learning it. And I really would like to be able to offer it, but it's kind of tricky, right? I mean, how do you do that? People need to ask. And I, anyway, it's kind of a challenge to figure out what to do with myself, actually. And I'm not unhappy. I mean, I think Zazen definitely took care of that part. My life is really good. You know, I really enjoy being alive. And that wasn't always true when I was young. So I don't have anything I'm missing for myself personally. But I do wish to be of service, you know. And you know about that. You find ways to be of service. So that's the Bodhisattva vow. You've taken the Bodhisattva vow. You know, I've taken the vow. A lot of people here have taken that vow.

[52:55]

And that's another thing Reb was talking about today. It's like that's why we're here is to help other people. And one of the best ways to help other people is to sit together quietly. Isn't that ironic? Just, okay. I had an experience when I was at San Francisco Zen Center. You know, after Oreo, after meal, you get a wet towel and there's a board. Yeah, yeah. You just run down. Yeah. He ran down and just went flying out the door. He didn't stop. The whole place just went berserk. I know. I know. Sometimes they have these slippery socks on. And especially the young ones, you know, they're like, they're going to do it. They don't stop. Yes, I've seen that happen a few times.

[53:57]

And a lot of interesting things happen in those meals. Yeah. My first horrifying experience as a young monk at Tassahara was being a server, you know, taking the pot in. And you're kind of shaking because these older students and you know that they're thinking evil thoughts about you. And, you know, she's just like, oh, she's nervous. And I put the pot down and I split pea soup, I remember it well. I had big chunks of something in it. And the... The monk I was serving was Linda Ruth Cutts' husband, Steve Weintraub, who was in his oquesa, very nice oquesa. And I served him, and then I plopped something, plopped down and back in the bowl, and it sprayed all over his oquesa. Nobody laughed. Nobody laughed. Including him. He was kind of smearing it a little bit. I'm like, don't let me die. Let me die. I had my little cloth, you know, I was going to try to help him, and he said, It's okay. Please don't help me anymore.

[55:00]

But, you know, these things are all part of the lore. Yeah. Well, thanks, Drew. You can always come and visit us. Yeah, I've thought about it. Yeah. I've thought about it. I've got three centers right here, an hour away. All right. Well, there you are. Yeah. Well, it'd be nice to meet you. Yeah, same here. Thanks. Hi, Shozan. Hi, Fu. How are you? Hi, Sangha. I just wanted to share, I found so much comfort in reading this chapter, particularly because there's a big part of me that it's easy for me to want to intellectualize, you know? And... When I'm around people like family members who I share, I'm a Buddhist, and they say, well, that's not a religion, exactly what he said. Or my spouse will ask me questions about, what are you doing? And I start using the words that we use.

[56:04]

And he's like, you're speaking another language. And you think I know that, but I don't know that. And it's just really comforting to realize I don't have to explain. what I'm doing and I was listening to a podcast and it was about internal family systems and they were saying oh yeah you could do this and work with your parts and you don't have to meditate for 20 years and I thought it's not a either or like you can do both so yeah yeah yeah I found it really good a good chapter too it touched something really the simplicity of it you know It's just like, what are you doing in there? Nothing. And what a relief to do nothing. Yeah. When I'm with you all, it's so easy. But when you're around other people, it's really hard to share that. You know, for me, like you, it's the center of my life.

[57:05]

And to not share it sometimes with people who aren't doing it, it's a big part that gets left out. Yeah, I know. I know. It was really hard for me. I think all of us have that experience with our families, unless they're gung-ho Zen, which is not usually the case. So, you know, I would try. I always, every Christmas, I'd be giving my brothers Dharma books, and they'd go, oh, thank you. You know, it was just absolutely the wrong. I started giving them sweaters after a while with the Dharma books. But, yeah, I think one of the things I tell the young students here when they go home, because they're worried, about talking to their family, they say, well, just do the dishes. That'll be enough of a shock, you know? Just help out around the house. Just do stuff that you usually don't do. And it's because there's nothing you have to explain. Just be helpful. Yeah. Yeah. When they're begging for the book, give them the book. That would be nice. Thank you, Sue.

[58:08]

Thank you. Hello, Millicent. Hi, Fu. Hi, everybody. Fu, I'm part of the Let's Talk Up Green Gulch January Intensive gang. I experienced two of the January Intensive. Oh, you did? I did. And it's had a, just in this conversation now, I realise it's had a very lasting effect for me, the experience of those intensives. I think I've probably said probably more than once that my entire Zen practice happens through a screen. I don't have any experience anymore of sitting with other people. So I was feeling a bit sad when the topic of the benefits of sitting in a Zendo come up.

[59:17]

But to get back to the intensives, what she didn't tell the community, I hope it's all right to share, is that there were days off. We had one yesterday. Yes, that's great. Go ahead, tell them about days off. I forget which days they are. Is it the 4th and the 9th or something like that? 4th and 9th, yeah. Here it's a little different. Oh, okay. But anyway, every few days there's a day of much lighter practice in the Zendo. And for people who aren't familiar with the geography, Muir Woods is three miles away, I think, and the practice is that if you leave the Green Gulch watershed, then if you leave them, you don't use a vehicle of any kind to get to where you're going.

[60:29]

But Muir Woods is walkable. So every day off I would walk over to Muir Woods. And especially as you get quieter with the Zazim, I think that was in Muir Woods and it's photographs of those trees that I have on my walls. I think it was the first time I realised I was not alone. Oh, lovely. Was in the company of those great teachers. I think I am a loner. But, you know, in my garden I have, I think, three very tall trees. They're my teachers. I don't sit by myself. Now, I don't know.

[61:29]

You could, if you were thinking about it, you could say, well, that's not Buddhist. That's sort of panentheism and that sort of thing. I don't care. I'd never say that. I just know that I am not alone. I am never alone. Yeah, well, that's the gift. That's the gift. And that was the gift. And I loved Green Gulch Farm and the community and the jobs. I was cleaning the toilets. And the kindness. And I just loved it. But it was Muir Woods that transformed me. Yeah, one of those groves is called Cathedral Grove. Yeah. You know, it's so clear when you're standing there that that's the cathedral.

[62:33]

How sacred it is, not consuming, but that habit of those sequoias or whatever they are to form little fairy circles of themselves where the original tree matures and dies, but a whole lot of children in a circle around it, and you can stand there. And every way you can touch a tree. Anyway, that's me. Thank you, Millicent. You know, actually, there are some of those great trees right here on the property too, right by the Wheelwright Center. And they're getting bigger and bigger every year. You know, when I'm away for a while and I come back, I'm like, that tree got bigger again. They're just, you know, they're doing what they do. They're becoming the giant redwood trees. So we are in the neighborhood of the great ones. Yeah. Thank you for that. Tim.

[63:37]

Hello, Tim. I just wanted to comment about Sangha. I was just thinking in like this meeting in particular, you're the only person I've met and talked to in person. Yeah. numerous times. And it's very interesting that in spite of that, I feel very connected to the Sangha. And there are also Theravadan Sangha, Bhikkhu Bodhi's meditation group. I've never met anyone in that group in person. But it's all, I think it's actually kind of miraculous that we have this tool where we can gather together and I can be in sanghas of people that I don't, they live far away and I'll never have the chance to meet them a person. So I'm very happy about it. Yeah.

[64:39]

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And I'm getting my, getting my weekly through effects. Sweet. Thank you. You know, when. When Senko came to Green College from Singapore to do the Dukai ceremony, we'd never met. We only met online, right, Senko? And so I only knew her as someone who lived really far, far away. And then we did all of this preparation, and some kind person at Zen Center sewed her Raksu because it wasn't possible for her to get the instruction. And then Melissa and I—Melissa's not here today, but Melissa and I— We're waiting in Cloud Hall, and we knew she was on her way. We were, like, so excited. It was like, we're going to see her, you know. And sure enough, she walked into Cloud Hall, and she had legs, and she was tall, and she was full of color and three-dimensional. It was so exciting.

[65:39]

We were all just like little kids, you know. It was like, it's you. It's the real. The whole you, you know. So someday, maybe we all, some of you I've met in person, and that's lovely, and others of you, I hope someday we will. But it is a wonderful thing that we have this Zoom, as they call it. I'm very fond of Zoom. I feel so grateful that we can stay together and feel a belonging. This is a very important time of my week, is coming to see you. And I'm so grateful that you come. And I can't really express it as much as I feel it. But, yeah, it's great. Sangha, the triple treasure, Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. Here's the Sangha. Okay, maybe that's good for now. It's 6.11, I'll see if I can't. Karina, if I can let you go, maybe you can unmute yourselves.

[66:42]

I will end the recording. Maybe it's already happened. It has happened. No? Anyway, you're welcome to unmute and say goodnight if you like or good morning. And I'll see you next week, I hope. Thank you, Fu. Thank you, Fu. Thanks, everyone. Bye. Thank you. Wonderful, intensive. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Wonderful, intensive, Fu. Thank you. We're counting the days. This is five.

[67:21]

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