This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. out this drama and getting to the point of being purposeful of being able to engage intentionally rather than compulsively it's pretty good in how almost in our humility we say, I need a structure, a discipline that holds this being that I am and teaches it how to engage.

[01:20]

We need to come back To square what? Come back to the first point. What is it to be present? And then we discover that's formidable all by itself. Before you go anywhere, before you started thinking what kind of temples you're going to build or what kind of monks you go to our day. What is it to be present? So I've been talking about that. What is it to be present? Directed, receptive, attention. The undoing of the intrigue. The discovery of what you might call elemental being.

[02:28]

seeing the interplay, the interbeing. In a way we could say to create the capacity for intentionality. So in a way we could look at the emperor's comment rather than a foolish, not very insightful statement as formidable. How many temples have I built? What virtuous deeds in the service of humanity have I offered up with this life? Abraham Maslow, rather a psychologist, but rather than look at pathology, what are all the things that can go wrong, and how do you heal them, or how do you prevent them in the first place, he looked at what he thought were examples of excellence in the human condition.

[04:08]

You know, all this person did that. And what is it? What is it to be excellent? And then he drew up his own formulation, which right now I can't remember all the five steps, but I do know this. The initial ones are more about survival. and then as they reach the higher ones, as he called them in those days, initially, self-expression, and then the pinnacle, actualization. And then how I practice, rather than letting that be a progression, So it turns it on its head and says, self or actualization is at the heart of them all.

[05:21]

And in the utility of them all is self-expression. So we take the activity of everyday life and find within it the expression of being. And hopefully, and here's the point I want to make, is that in the particulars we realize something bigger than just what we're doing in that moment. And we explored this right in the level of working with consciousness.

[06:29]

When we experience awareness, particular moment it teaches us something about being aware in any moment when we explore and have some insights into what it is to access what's going on for us in in a particular moment it teaches us about accessing in any moment How is the body in this moment? Well, that's a transferable skill to any other moment. When we study this koan, we learn something about studying any koan.

[07:32]

We learn something about how to meet and relate to life's challenges. How do we give ourself, our energy, our intention, our dedication to life in a way that enlivens rather than just, as Mary Oliver says, when I die, I don't want to be just wondering and complaining. Was I ever alive? On the positive side, she says, I want to be a bride married to amazement. A bridegroom who takes the world in his arms. So as we've worn ourselves thin,

[08:44]

in Sashin, in the whole practice period. Thousands of times we have, as we'd say, where I come from, caught ourselves on. And where I come from said, catch yourself on. You know, get over yourself. Catch yourself on. We've caught ourselves on. tripping off into something. Come back. We've worn the self thin. And we can relate to it. Now that it's not moving at such a fast speed in so many directions without knowing where it's going and we can ask with the mind of koan you know what am i doing with this life

[10:03]

we can hold the contradictions of it all. Like me saying yesterday, I said to myself, I am not going to go to that class. And sure enough, I went. No life is linear. I say I'll do this and then that's exactly what I do for this result and it turns out exactly that way. That's the thing we should be amazed at if it ever did happen. How did that happen? That was what I expected. And then to let the koan plumb the inner depths, getting as thoroughly in touch with the inner workings as possible.

[11:22]

And then audaciously, recklessly, and what is the expression of a human life? So in some ways the emperor does us all a great service. I'll be the one that asks the stupid question. We can all breathe a sigh of relief. But it's the very same question that we're all asking and most of the time are confined by. And wouldn't it be foolish to be any other way?

[12:30]

I know everything about who I am, and I know everything about the world, and I know exactly what to do. Wow. Are you in trouble? And wouldn't it lose something of its allure, if that was actually true? be so tedious. I knew this was going to happen. And what is the mind with its taste of hard one interbeing that fluid interplay what's going on maybe we haven't reached the excellence of real case renunciation you know it's all just held in non-attachment but we've got some taste of it

[13:55]

Especially when Sashin has given us a good going over. So from that mind, from that disposition. In Zen terms, coming from the mind of Shunyata. Coming from the disposition. The anxiety, the distresses, the dramas that rattle through us are no longer dictating what we are and how we are. And from that disposition, how do we step forward?

[14:59]

What will guide us? What will be the metric by which we measure our life as we're living it? And then Bodhi Dharma says, astoundingly, there is no measure. think about it, it's a mind-blowing thing to say. There is no measure. And of course, it's also a refined and elegant statement. That in the interplay of being, it's not possible to hold up a fixed idea and say everything is measured by this.

[16:18]

In saying there's no measure, it's the same as saying everything's contextual. Everything's relative. And within its relative context, it's gauged. Can we enter life like that? Can we enter life with our own purposeful sense of excellence and let it express itself in the context? Someone was describing to me their job at Tassahara, the role they... the play in holding up the wrong notion of excellence and then discovering how well that can be a marvelous guide it can also be a hindrance especially when like and dislike

[17:34]

I like the achievement of excellence and I dislike the failure of non-excellence, which is usually someone else's fault. And then what is it to see all that? What is the disposition? It doesn't grasp, but holds it, as Rilke says, in spaciousness. It's a kind of forgiveness. We're forgiving everything, including ourselves and everybody else, for being who they are and how they are. And still, there's purposefulness. If it's simply a passive non-action, the vitality of being alive isn't engaged.

[18:47]

So it's a very powerful statement Bodhidharma makes. In Shunutaka, There is no fixed expression of what accomplishment is, of what merit is. And how can any one of us and every one of us hold that in the little details of monastic life and in the sweep of our life? whether you plan to spend the next 10 years here or you're counting the days which would be less than 10 now cut them on the fingers of your hand how convenient but either way the koan is there

[20:10]

years tiger and like a dear friend how sad that we would say to ourselves I'll live a second rate no a third rate life I'll just try to muddle through staying spaced out and come the days off. It's edgy to ask something of ourselves.

[21:18]

But it's also thrilling. It has its own verve. It can also have its own respect for our sincere intention. recognize that part of ourselves when I read this piece about Dogen you know where he for reasons best known to himself he added in oh and then it was terrible and he was mistreated and I didn't think he was worthy and he was of such noble birth and in his passage he likens India to the land of

[22:23]

fine aesthetic of living and the China that Bodhidharma was in was just rough and coarse and then the capital they tried to poison those vermin How easy it is in the delicate workings of our own life to find some villains. When I read that, I thought, hmm, was Dogen talking about his own life? How easy it is to take the inner drama and reset it on the stage of life.

[23:34]

So we can replay it again. And find our typical figures, our typical mother and father, and once again, resent their shortcomings. The mind that holds it all. The mind that doesn't get caught in ranking it higher or lower, success or failure. The mind that holds it as the stuff of conditioned human existence. You know, in Shashi, in the diligence of our inner practice, we craft those moments of ease, of awareness, and we experience just being.

[25:01]

We're willing to roar and shout for the sweetness of when all the commotion stops we can hear the silence after all this strenuous effort we can experience the ease but what is it to face the world not just in those brief moments where it's fitting according to our scheme, but in all the moments where it's just what it is. What is that way of being? What is that mind and that heart? And,

[26:15]

And the emperor asked Bodhidharma, he says, well, who can do that? I mean, I hear you say it. Can you do it? I mean, you're acting like you can. Who are you? Who is that person? Who is that way of being? What is it to be alive and not caught up? What is it to be thoroughly and intrinsically a conditioned human being and not imprisoned by the impulses it creates? What is it to be liberated in the midst of conditioned existence? Dharma thinks, okay, I've got this guy going now.

[27:27]

Or any one of us, you know, when we stumble upon such a moment, you know, where our whole life is there. Samuel Beckett, on the stage, the height of his flame, putting on his masterpiece, stopping on the stage and saying, I don't know what I'm doing. In one hand, you can say, magnificent. The raw honesty and courage. And equally, Nothing special. What moment are we not living in the constructs we're taking as relevant to it?

[28:37]

And when is it not just the constructs that conditioned existence have brought into being? And we start to see how the inner work, so-called inner work, of relating to thoughts and feelings and paying attention, it draws us close to something so powerful and so seminal in being alive. And that not knowing not grasping at the ideas but the constructs even the perceptions illuminates in this point of transition we're heading for you know transition

[29:56]

holds great possibility. We can try to reach out and imprint upon the imagined future. The examined or unexamined intentions of our being. It'll be like this. I'm going to do that. Or we can stay present and let that illustrate the workings of our being. Let it be hypotheses. This might happen. That might happen.

[31:00]

this wish, this fear. So Bodhidharma says, don't know. And then according to Dogen, hangs around for another three weeks. So he arrived on the 21st of September. On the 19th of October, he quietly left. That's it. Traveled up the north on the Yangtze River and took him a full month to get to where he was going. So this time of transition, as seminal in your life, as representative of all the transitions in your life, challenging you to stay now,

[32:39]

and hold what's being quickened, what's arising, hold with this spacious state of being. And the great blessing of this time is that Shashin and practice period have given you a going over. despite all your resistance, you are aware. Despite all your dramas and tragedies, there is some equanimity that this great unfolding of life can be attended to. Not simply within the context of what I want and what I don't want.

[33:55]

In the excellence of the sincerity of your intention. I mean, what do we want from ourselves? We want the best we have to offer. I mean, who's not saddened when they respond to something in a kind of limited, agitated, vindictive way? You know, despite the harm we may do by doing that. Just to be that way. And of course, everything's asking for forgiveness.

[35:00]

To hold up that excellence of our sincere intention. Knowing that it puts us on the spot. Did I ever have any choice other than to go to Nakamura Sensei's class? Yes, it was horrible. But it was also fantastic. And then the master quietly left.

[36:20]

What a modest conclusion to the card, you know? You know, all those great cards. And then he was enlightened. And then he nodded, the teacher nodded with approval. You got it. This one, nope. He just said, well, okay then. I'm out of here. I'll go and hang out with those vermin and disturbed and dirty people yeah so maybe this call can offer you some support, illumination for the workings of your being as you feel the quickening of this time of transition.

[37:40]

I find for myself when I skirm myself with the immensity of being, then just eating lunch seems like such a relief. Okay, that's food and I know how to eat it. I can do this. That other stuff, hmm. Don't know seems like an apt and accurate statement. But how can we turn away? How can we reach this point and say, well, I'll just find something to distract myself with?

[38:48]

The two people who tried to assassinate Bodhidharma. To what extent there is a certain necessity in that story. If you think, you ask who are the kind of people that are capable of living that kind of life. In this genre of literature, the prophets, the Mahatma Gandhis, the Martin Luther Kings, who are capable of living life. presents itself to them. A certain necessity for them to be. I completely agree. Bodhi Dharma gets away easy, kind of. They only attempt twice. Although maybe someone did succeed in the end. annoying fact for all of us that other people will insist on not doing what we want them to do they will insist on being themselves exactly damn it how could they be so selfish you know that's and

[40:29]

But with this all-inclusive mind, even that offers us some guidance and support in our practice. Look at that. I was thinking that somehow the world magically would do what I wanted it to do, or the people within it would do what I want to do. And there they go, insisting on being themselves. There was details in there, apparently, according to Dogen, on both of their parts. It was Enri, kind of a curious play. Well, here he was, under shabby conditions, quite below his status, they still envied them enough to want to do a bit.

[41:37]

But your point's well made. Even in our own process, during the touch and intentionality of excellence, then we're confronted with those terrible others and their terrible ways. In Katagiri Roshi's amazing statement, in being present fully, everyone's forgiven, even yourself. So I hope this coin leaves you suitably terrified.

[42:47]

A little bit like back on the stage. What am I doing? Then you can look up and see a rock or something, you know. the way the moisture of the rain has flattened the dried leaves. So they now have taken up a kind of mosaic on the ground in endless shades of brown. And the mind can say, Well, I don't know what I'm doing, but that's extraordinarily beautiful. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center.

[43:52]

Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click Giving.

[44:08]

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