This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. My name is Jiryu. I live here at Foggy. Green Gulch Farm, where I'm cold most of the day, most days. I do mean thank you for coming. I really appreciate your presence here, really count on your presence here. You're coming today. for the Dharma is what makes it a Dharma talk.

[01:08]

So you may think that I'm supposed to have the Dharma part, but actually you have to bring the Dharma part. If you don't bring the Dharma part, then it's just to talk. How come there was no Dharma in that talk? Because maybe you forgot to bring the Dharma. I just talk. And if there's dharma, it's because you remember to bring some. So, you know, I think it's worth reflecting, worth considering what that dharma is, what that turning is whenever it happens. It must have happened sometime this morning or at least been affirmed this morning that the dharma, the teaching, your spiritual life was something that you felt called to open to, to turn towards. That's when the Dharma talk happened. That's the turning towards our own intention and appreciating that and really valuing and giving space for that moment of a way-seeking mind, moment of desiring to turn towards.

[02:27]

of the truth of existence and the truer way of life. So the work of engaging with these teachings and with the path is each of ours. You know, as I think of my own intention in being here this morning, why did I come here this morning? I feel my vow, my aspiration to live in peace and harmony with all beings. And I've been feeling that especially this weekend, of feeling the consequence of untended greed, hatred, and delusion.

[03:38]

Seeing, remembering what a greed, hate, and delusion, the greed, hate, and delusion that I share in, what that can blossom or explode into when it's really untended. when it's really, when people have no context of practice, when people have no model of a true and whole way of life. So I'm thinking about Charlottesville this weekend and remembering that here, right here at Green Gulch, I am practicing with just that greed, hate, and delusion. It is outside, but it's not just outside. And so can I tend to it here in my own heart and mind and body? And can we tend to it together here in this hall, in this community, and as a society?

[04:51]

Can we tend to this greed, a hatred, and delusion? So before I begin with the rest of my talk, I just want to acknowledge those people in Charlottesville standing up for racial justice and decency and to honor especially those dead and injured this weekend. And it may also be useful, I find it useful, to name in particular people the flavor of greed, hate, and delusion. So many flavors of greed, hate, and delusion, but this one in particular warrants naming this racism and white supremacy that's so easy to denounce and shout against when it's wearing a mask and a bat, but is also a quieter thread, a quieter strain

[06:07]

that runs through the whole fabric of our society, runs through our community too, through my own heart and body and mind. So I vow with you all to look at that, to continue to look at that, to bear witness, to stand up within that agreed hate and delusion. May all beings be well. And may all beings be free. This is the heart of Buddhist practice. Don't be fooled, as we say. So I know that sometimes taking this seat and speaking about the world is disappointing to people.

[07:08]

I've heard that. Also heard people being disappointed to not hear about the world from the Dharma seat as though there was something other than the world that we could talk about. I didn't mean to talk about the world today. I didn't mean to talk about Charlottesville. But I did mean to talk about the world because it's the only place I know I figured that most on our minds this Sunday, as I was thinking about this talk, I figured most of us would be wondering a little bit about nuclear annihilation. Who knew? Who knew that resurgent fascism would overtake that in the space of a couple of short days? So it's really a lot to track.

[08:10]

It's hard to keep up with the instability of things. Have you noticed? It's like you can't even plan a Dharma talk. You know, online with other clergy friends this weekend. Like, ah, what am I going to do? You know, there's no time. Which is why the traditional Zen thing is to not plan the Dharma talk. We call it tesho. Only today. So there's that. It's pretty good. It tends to devolve, especially in the wrong hands, say my own hands, it tends to devolve into a kind of stream of consciousness, which I don't think you are interested in hearing. So I find it respectful and appropriate to plan a Dharma talk and not just trust my own awakening.

[09:22]

to have some whole and hearable teaching for you. But the truth is that everything is always changing. And there's no way of saying what's going to matter in the next moment. There's no teaching I can plan for the next moment. that's the teaching for this moment. And that's really what I want to talk about today. So to those of you who are here for the first time, welcome and thank you in advance for your patience. Those who have been here

[10:24]

Once or twice or many times before, I know that you know, like I know, just what to expect. You know, just how this is going to go. There's some interesting parts, a lot of boring parts, some nodding off, some reawakening, some opening, some shutting. So all of that that we know is going to happen this morning. Dharma talk at Green Goal Farm. I was wondering today, for my own benefit as much as yours, what if we actually didn't know what was going to happen this morning? What if we had no idea what was going to happen this morning? What if we were all at the edges of our seat, not knowing, on the ledge of this moment, with no idea what's going to happen next? how does inviting that how does that possibility change the quality of our presence now I don't know what's going to happen next the Buddha invites us to consider that we don't know what's going to happen next anything could happen next are we ready

[11:52]

This basic teaching of not knowing what will happen next is the teaching of impermanence, that everything is changing moment by moment. We have a lot, you know, the case is building that this is so, right? We seem to... So the pile of evidence on our desk is growing about this impermanence of everything. And yet, we seem to be mostly holding on to this not-so-scientific assumption that actually things will stay the same. How much loss How much change do we need to experience before we let our heart and mind really turn to the truth that everything changes?

[13:01]

It can be really clear to feel this in the face of death, our own death or someone else's death. This impermanence, this unreliability of things comes into relief. And so the Buddhist teaching has always recommended that we keep death close. As our teacher Norman Fisher says, Uncle Death. Think of it like Uncle Death, you know. Invite him to stuff. The Buddhist sage Ashva Gosha says, of all the Buddhist teachings and practices, the best two are friendliness and remembering death. And you know, in the Dhammapada, the connection between the two is made very clear. It says, remember death and you'll be more friendly.

[14:02]

The reason we're not friendly is because we're not taking seriously the preciousness of everything, which is to say we're not, we're assuming that it will just go on. We're not fully awake to how A unique and marvelous, this unprecedented and unrepeatable this moment is. You know, so when I bring death close, it's not just this kind of gloom or morose. It's very enlivening. I see light and I feel a texture and I feel that I don't want to die. And I'm kind of afraid to die. And then I think, oh, it must be I kind of appreciate life. That's good to know. I'm getting information about that I actually seem to want to be alive.

[15:06]

And so maybe I should really be taking that up. Does that make sense? So some of us here are taking up the study of death. practicing bringing it close. And it's a good practice. But it's not the only meaning, it's not the only sense of impermanence as the Buddha taught it. Talk about death as the gross impermanence, like the impermanence you can't miss, you know? The not-so-subtle impermanence. You and everyone you love will die. Okay, not-so-subtle. Heavy-handed. obvious. But limiting impermanence or thinking of impermanence only in those terms obscures this more subtle, ongoing sense of constant change that's really what's meant, or that's equally what's meant by the Buddhist teachings of impermanence.

[16:15]

The Sanskrit term for impermanence is anitya, which means just that, non-permanent, not constant, not eternal. You can think of it too as fleetingness or momentariness. It's change. Suzuki Roshi talks about it as transiency. Transiency. I wanted to read a little bit about Suzuki Roshi's feeling about transiency. And she says, it's true no matter how we feel about it. She says, the basic teaching of Buddhism is the teaching of transiency or change. That everything changes is the basic truth for each existence. No one can deny this truth, and all the teaching of Buddhism is condensed within it.

[17:24]

This is the teaching for all of us. Wherever we go, this teaching is true. Since without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. I want to talk more about that. Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. Not so relaxing to think about how everything is changing and nothing can be relied on, and thought Buddhism was supposed to be relaxing. The idea that Buddhism should relieve stress is a way that we often talk about it, and it's true.

[18:31]

It is a great way to relieve stress. But traditional Buddhism is also understood as inducing stress by thinking about things like, you and everyone you love will die. There's some perfect composure out there, but you have to go through a little bit of stress, actually. You have to face something that we're super used to papering over in order to take real refuge in the present moment, in order to find real composure. We have to face fact. We talk a lot about impermanence, and I've been wondering if impermanent is the best way to say it. There's a sense in which impermanent feels like it's not going to last forever. But we know that nothing's going to last forever, but we still might think something lasts for a while. You know?

[19:32]

Well, yeah, it's not going to last forever, but for a good long time it's going to last. So I... was looking into this a bit and there's a teaching about impermanence. So, impermanence, what is the permanence that Buddhism is saying is not the case? That permanence is anything lasting for more than a single moment. It's a little different. It's not so much like nothing lasts forever, it's like nothing is stable at all. nothing persists over any amount of time. So in this teaching of the momentariness of all of existence, this doctrine in early Buddhism that everything arises together in a moment and then passes away and then arises again based on that in the next moment.

[20:34]

We think that it's the same thing that went from the past to the future. But in the Buddhist view is that something comes up, everything comes up, and then it fades. And as it fades, it's replaced by something that's conditioned by it. It's related to it. But it's not the same thing. It's a new thing. It's a little technical. I don't know if it makes sense. But basically, for these momentary Buddhists, to say that anything lasts for even two moments is to say that everything is eternal. It's the same problem. If you're going to say anything can last for more than a moment, whether it's two moments or forever, it's the same problem. The fact is that everything is coming and going in each moment. Nothing is stable. Nothing continues. This is also the teaching of no self. So a word that I'm feeling, instability is getting close.

[21:36]

Appreciating the sense, the teaching of the precariousness. which I think a lot of us feel, the precariousness of everything. Everything we've worked for feels precarious. Everything we've built... our life and society on feels precarious, like the rug could be pulled out at any moment. Like now. The rug could be pulled out. Are we ready? No. Can we feel that precariousness

[22:36]

Can we turn towards it and let it turn us towards life rather than just keeping it there in the back of our mind? Don't think it's... So precariousness. I think if we're going to find, as Suzuki Roshi said, perfect composure, if we're going to find an authentic way of living, authentic way of responding to the world and each other, if we're going to find refuge, we need to open wide to the precariousness of this existence.

[23:40]

So I'd like us to reflect on that, to enter that precariousness. Notice our reliance on the future. But as we sit here, you know, we can feel our bodies feel how soft and vulnerable our bodies are. This is precarious. Every exhalation, Suzuki Roshi says, every exhalation, super precarious, because we don't know. We don't know if the inhalation will come. So the way Suzuki Roshi expresses this practice through our breath is to just exhale with no expectation. We're not promised a next breath.

[24:43]

We exhale open to maybe there will be one and maybe there won't. And then something happens at the end of the exhalation. Suzuki Roshi says, if you're still alive, an inhalation will come, unfortunately or fortunately. So we're vulnerable. With every exhalation, we're vulnerable. This is out of our hands. And we've put so much into tomorrow, you know. Everything is like going towards tomorrow. But we can't even count on the next breath. So this teaching is not about like, well, don't stop taking care of tomorrow. But it is about stop living based on tomorrow. Stop assuming tomorrow. How about just be with the fullness of this exhalation and then see, you know?

[25:45]

We're planning eight, ten, a million exhalations out, but we don't even know that we're going to receive the next in-breath. It's precarious. And to feel the precarity of the world around us, you know, this hall we imagine has no history and no future, you know? This is just a stable... stable... It's not stable. It's been retrofitted for earthquake, right? Why'd they have to do that? Each board, each bug, each nail in this hall has a history, has a lifespan that's unknown, has a birth and a death that's unknown. It's just here for a minute with us now. And so to be in this precariousness together is like to appreciate that.

[26:49]

Oh, Green Gulch, I was there before. I'll be there again next week. I don't know. Maybe there won't be Green Gulch next week. Which doesn't mean like freak out about the big one. Oh my God, the big one is coming. This is like the great Dharma gate of California, right? All of our vanity and progress and everything else is like in the shadow of the big one. We know, you know, we know that at the end of the day, it's all could any moment be reduced to rubble. But it shouldn't stop us. Again, it's so important. That doesn't stop us from building a life, from taking care of each other, from working to improve ourselves, from working for a better world, you know. But where is our refuge? What are we relying on, you know? We're relying on this future. The big one, you know, I have a three-year-old and a seven-year-old here that live here with me and my wife.

[28:00]

And Frank said, my seven-year-old said... that probably when a big earthquake comes, nobody's going to notice because everyone will be on their phone. So I was in the other room from Frank, and he said, and then I came in to see him, and he said, were you looking at your phone? I said, yeah, I was looking at my phone. You know, who wants to know? I said, yes, I was looking at my phone. And he said, well, I think there was an earthquake. I said, I... I didn't notice an earthquake. He said, yeah, you were looking at your... So we had this image together, you know, of the plates and pots falling off the walls and everybody's just scrolling. But, you know, like death, the big one is kind of... We know the movie. We've seen the movie of the big one, you know, and there's heroism and there's passion and there's loss and it's exciting.

[29:09]

And so it may be too easy to imagine. It may be harder to imagine that we'll just have to keep living just like this, at the edge, not knowing. Right? It's like the Millerites in their time were among these people, you know, who are always so sure that the world's about to end. There are some of them today now. I was reading recently that humans will be extinct by 2020. So that end of the world, thinking is very present still in every age. But so these people counting on the certainty of the big one, and this day came, you know, this day in October in 1844 or whatever, and they're standing there thinking, open to change, but open to change along very certain parameters for what that change is going to be.

[30:18]

Everything's precarious. And then on October 22nd, 1844, that's when the big change is going to happen. And so the next day, you know, you feel them sort of standing in this field. They call it the great disappointment, you know, that the world didn't end because the world ending we could deal with, you know, like nuclear annihilation, like, okay, fine, sign me up. I knew it. But like, It's just like I've been telling you all, right? It's harder to live at this edge of not knowing. It's not like some big thing is going to happen and then it all goes back to normal and stability. There is no stability. There never has been stability. We're at this ledge every moment of no idea what can happen next. And that's where we find our life and that's where we find our refuge. Remember, Reb, our... I had a teacher, Rev. Anderson, asking people, I tell Sahara in a practice period in face-to-face meetings, say, are you ready to die?

[31:25]

And I felt, once at least, felt very strong and clear in my practice. It's like a slow pitch, you know. Yes, totally. I'm ready to die. It's a really good question. And then he said, are you ready to live? That's a little harder. You know, you mean like live, but maybe be going to die, but not sure. And like that, live in uncertainty. I don't know. I'd rather just say like, know that I'm about to die. Be ready for that. What about ready for life too? Ready for things to stay the same. Ready for thriving and success. and happiness and fulfillment and social justice and world peace, ready for all of that. I'm not counting on anything. With this precariousness, another word or feeling is indeterminacy, that nothing is determined.

[32:27]

So these two flavors for me of impermanence, which is, I have to confess, pretty stale around here. It's just not a beautiful word, you know? Impermanent. this precarious and this indeterminate nothing is determined it's not that there's going to be it's going to be some way but I don't know yet there is no way it's going to be is that difference? feel that difference? for some reason that's a lie for me everything on my calendar is TBD it's not known It is not known. And then when I open to that, I feel I notice how I live assuming a stability. And then I get these inklings of instability, like, oh, really? Nuclear annihilation? And then I'm disturbed because my refuge, my eggs are instability, you know?

[33:29]

So what is it to move my refuge? To move my refuge from the future to the present, from the stuff that I'm working towards to, like, Buddha, refuge in Buddha now. I don't think we can do that. I don't think we can really be present without totally unhooking from all of our assumptions about the future. So I do want to be clear that our practice is about this deep stability, groundedness, and a perfect composure.

[34:37]

And so I don't mean to invite us into despair or fear. And if that arises when you think of the instability, the precariousness, the ledge that we live on, It's good to tend to that fear and tend to that despair. But to hear, too, and to know that that precariousness is an invitation to refuge. If we're despairing, we're still a little bit stuck on the future and how it's going to go, you know? to actually unhook from that has none of the characteristics of despair. So I feel the vow, really, to give up on the future so that I can be present.

[35:45]

I notice sometimes that I imagine my life from the future. Do you see yourself this way ever? That somehow I will be like redeemed or not by some future moment it's hard to talk about because it's subtle but I have this sense of like evaluating from later which feels very different than living from now with no idea about later nothing that happens later will like redeem or demean now in any way so I have great confidence in opening to this instability and precariousness and finding stability, the deeper stability, the presence, the refuge in Buddha, right there within that precariousness. And opening to that, like all kinds of activity and energy and engagement can arise.

[36:50]

It's like I'm still doing something. We can still do something in this precarious world. But we're doing it for now. And so this is kind of the important counterpart or complement to this teaching of the precariousness is this teaching of not doing anything for later, doing everything wholeheartedly, but not for later, not as means to an end. So we live with this goal orientation. Like, well, I'm working for social justice, and so if I don't know that there will be social justice later, then it's not worth working for social justice now. This would be an example of a goal orientation. Or I'm preparing a Dharma talk, but then if there's nuclear annihilation before the Dharma talk, what's the point? So this isn't like, what's the point? Why get out of bed? is not the spirit of opening to the precarious.

[37:57]

It's how to do something, how to do everything we do responsively as the process. There is only means, there is not an end. There is only process, there's never a goal. When is that goal gonna be exactly? And anyway, who will it be who gets that goal? Won't be this guy, because this guy's done, you know? I can't rely on any future outcome And that doesn't dampen my effort now. There's this way in the wholehearted engagement that so characterizes the flavor of the Zen house, you know, this sort of wholehearted effort not towards something else, just as an enactment right now of how we want to live. So this idea that rather than like attaining wisdom and compassion and the right way of life, It's like we enact wisdom and compassion and the right way of life. We do it now, and it's not for any later.

[39:01]

So the kind of activity for me that resonates in this precariousness is just process, is just the activity itself. I am totally hooked by my goals. I think that I'm doing these things for the goal. And I'm missing my life. And then when the goal vanishes, if I realize the unreliability of the goal, then it's like it was all for naught, right? So may we never feel all for naught. It is always for now. It's always enacting now how we want to live. That's all. Even if it seems like it's working towards something, that could go away and it's still worthwhile doing it. Does that make sense? It's so obvious and so hard. You know, all of these talks amount to be here now.

[40:07]

I'm sorry to say. So I want to close. and with this, expressing this intention to live with the precariousness of things, to enact the life I want right now, and also to dedicate, to offer my life to all beings, to the welfare of all beings, but to offer that now, not like, and then I'm going to check in with you later, and if you were not, you know, see if it worked or not. The spirit of our practice of dedicating the merit, we dedicate our life, we dedicate our effort, Any good that I'm doing may it be of benefit. Everything I'm doing may it be of benefit. But that's about now.

[41:09]

It's not about and then I'll measure it later. So we dedicate also as process. We dedicate as an activity now. We can dedicate offer out our deep wish and all of our activities for the well-being and awakening of all beings. And that's bigger than a goal. That's not a goal. My goal is the liberation of all beings. It's now. It's dedicated now. It's shared now. So I just want to share today and hope that it's landed in some way or other this challenge maybe to live more open to the precariousness that we secretly know is the fact of life anyway to really just stop shying away from that and let that fill our whole body and mind and find in that opening some truer ground

[42:25]

a refuge in Buddha. And that we continue to attend to each thing. You know, I wash the windows today even though the house might not be here tomorrow. I wash the sheets even though I may not make it to bedtime. So what will we do? How will we live? Not how will we live? Mental note for later. Later, I'm going to remember that it's all precarious. It's a practice for now. In the Buddha Dharma, there's no later. So we stand at this ledge, and we don't know what's going to happen next.

[43:38]

And all of a sudden, there are breathing warm bodies around us. cool summer morning at Green Dragon Temple. Thank you so much for coming. May our practice be of benefit to all suffering beings. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[44:51]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_97.03