This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Before I begin, I'd like to ask for a few moments of silence for peace in the world. We are remote and far away from the news and the United States has just entered war with Iran. So I'd like us to hold that in our hearts with compassion and wish for peace. I'd like to say that I believe we all come here to belong to one another and to be able to taste that from the depths of our hearts.

[03:04]

In my own longing for that I found my teacher, Paul Haller, for whom I'm grateful. I'd like to thank Paul for his teaching and guidance. Thank you to the Tonto, Heather, for inviting me to speak tonight. My wish is to share with you spiritual growth as a deepening of vow. Maybe some insight into how to understand the process of that. And I say all of this with faith. That this is a gift to the world.

[04:12]

What brought us here and what we leave with. Having just been a part of a five-day retreat here at Tassajara, I'm really aware that many of you are at the very end of such a five-day retreat. And it's from that perspective that I'm speaking today. Can everybody hear me? Okay. Particularly from such a range of spiritual practice. Something brought all of us together to this magical place. And there are so many really wonderful stories of transformation. I trust each one of you has read one. Whether it's the Jataka tales or the Buddha's life, the nun's verses, so many hagiographies, all the way up to the present day, there are stories of transformation.

[05:22]

And it's important to reflect on transformation. And so I offer you one response, a brief narrative of process in a Tassajara five-day retreat. This is about the meaning of the characters, one, two, three, four, and five. On the first day of a five-day retreat, I felt the freshness of the invitations. On the second and third, I placed the grit of my life into the open hand of the universe. On the fourth, I saw the bright full moon in the dark night sky. And on the fifth day, days six, seven, eight, nine, and ten were included in the freshness of the invitation. On the first day, I experienced the freshness of the invitation.

[06:31]

This one's easy. There's such a simple joy in coming together, each from our different worlds. We arrive with a perhaps unstated but no less shared intention to be open to each other. And the word is yes. Yes. No small part of this is an awareness that the deepening of our belonging to each other is the transformation that we seek. On the second and third day, I place the grit of my life into the open hand of the universe. In the process of deepening our vow, we might see how we're lacking in our practice or even dramatically feel the pain of separation caused by our own suffering. In the latter case, there's no choice but to let go completely. There's a wholesome despair that can arise for us, and really no choice but to offer our hindrances to the open hand of the universe.

[07:40]

No mud, no lotus, says Thich Nhat Hanh. It's a wake-up call that turns the world on its head. The Buddhist tradition has conjured the image of the Buddha in the form of a lotus standing tall above the mud and unstained. From perhaps the first century BCE, the Dhammapada... And notably, in conclusion of our meals, we chant, Abiding in this ephemeral world like a lotus in muddy water, the mind is pure and goes beyond. Thus we bow to Buddha.

[08:46]

Because of words such as these, the lotus is often revered as a kind of transcendence or even an ascension. In the 2009 film of Dogen's life called Zen, there's a scene in which Dogen has dropped body and mind and he goes spinning off into the heavens on a lotus flower. However, the teaching, while full enough of vivid effects, they don't go this far. Here's the Vimalakirti Sutra of the first or second century. It's just as lotus flowers do not grow on dry land on the high plateau. These flowers grow in the muddy filth of the lowly marches. Thus one who sees the unconditioned dharmas and enters the primary status will never be able to generate the dharmas of a Buddha.

[09:50]

It's only within the mud of the afflictions that sentient beings give rise to the dharmas of the Buddha. The conversation here can be summed up in the following lines, familiar to us who practice here from Dogen's Kenjo Koan, which we chanted just the other morning. Those who have great realization of delusion are Buddhas. Those who are greatly deluded about realization are sentient beings. I tried to grow lotuses in muddy water here at Tassajara. It was a delight to order the seeds from China. This takes a lot of patience and is a beautiful process. However, we live in a mountain desert and the heat is intense and dry. After months of nurturing, the lotuses sank into the mud again and again, and I gave up, realizing that another would try would require a much larger bowl.

[11:01]

Holding the mud at the base and keeping the plants unfestered and cool. What are the conditions of our life, and what is a larger bowl? Like the lotus, Rice also grows in the mud, and what we do here very well is washing rice. This is how to prepare a good meal for the community. A large bowl is placed in the produce sink, a colander filled with rice is placed inside it, and the faucet runs. The cook's hands are immersed in this rice, bathing it of any remaining dirt and waking up its flavor in the rinse. It's not an intellectual process. It's a pleasant act, the flow of water, so many grains, identical in feel, burying your hands in them. There's a feeling of equanimity in the task, just this, the simplicity of rice being rice and sand being sand, and also, just so, in the completeness and finality of the act.

[12:12]

Whether we are washing dishes or fixing the electrical wiring, much of our day here at Tassajara is like this, sorting out one thing from another as each thing has its proper place and function. This is true in what we call our personal life as well. For example, is it timely, true, gentle, beneficial, and spoken with a mind of goodwill? I believe that while each of us has had experiences that we might refer to as openings, most of the time we are in the mindfulness of washing rice so that we can offer a bowl of pure food to all the hungry ghosts. The discernment here has more to do with the functioning of what is sand and what is rice, removing what does not have nutritional value for us in this moment. In this way, it's not a heavy moral judgment.

[13:17]

For example, for those who have really settled into kitchen practice, sweeping the floor has its own beauty. The vegetables that are prepped on the counters and go into the soup are also in the dustpan, and there can be a sweetened tenderness for both what is in the dustpan and what is in the pot. Dirt on the floor and soup on the stove have become emptied of their ordinary values and vibrant in the natural beauty of their purpose. They are not the same. It is the functioning of our life that what is in the dustpan is waste and that what is in the pot is food. Yet in the midst of this difference, emptiness, joy, kindness, equanimity, interdependency, and wisdom flourish. In this way, simply washing the rice is beyond any picking and choosing. The motivations of daily life can have a clarity in their purpose, whether towards our well-being or that of others.

[14:24]

The clarity is in the truth of no separation. As crazy as it sounds, developing such equanimity for our own suffering and the suffering of others in the midst of this great, beautiful world is deepened in the simple act of sweeping the floor. It's not about eliminating or not accepting the parts of ourselves that we don't like. Shimryu Suzuki had this to say about Zazen. Emptiness can be understood when you are perfectly involved in chewing rice. This is actual emptiness. The most important point is to establish yourself in a true sense without establishing yourself on delusion. And yet we cannot live or practice without delusion.

[15:28]

Delusion is necessary, but delusion is not something on which you can establish yourself. Sometimes we may know for ourselves that we need a bigger bowl and that bowl is here and now. It is good to name our process, to cultivate an understanding of it and to make it intelligible for others. We benefit from hearing of a before and after and we affirm for ourselves and others the fruits of our practice. And so I tell the story of the days one, two, three, four, and five as a tale of spiritual growth and a deepening avow. And in this story, the open hand of the universe is the bigger bowl, shining as the bright moon in the dark night sky.

[16:33]

However, I've poached this story of days from another and very different presentation. This is about the meaning of the characters one, two, three, four, and five. The Tenzo said, people who study words and phrases should know the significance of words and phrases. people dedicated to wholehearted practice need to affirm the significance of engaging the way. I asked, what are words and phrases? The Tenzo said, one, two, three, four, five. Also I asked, this is Dogen asking the questions, what is wholeheartedly engaging the way? The Tenzo said, In the whole world, it is never hidden.

[17:43]

This story is not interested at all in one, two, three, four, and five as a conversion narrative of realization. We value before and after, and this is how we tell a good story. It's what stories are made of. However, this kind of reflection while useful, is closer to studying words and phrases than it is to what is manifesting wholehearted practice. In the whole world it is never hidden. There is no before and after. There is only the undivided moment, saturating all and everything in its completeness. Just this is it. Before and after is the way that our knowing mind holds on to things in the world of cause and effect.

[18:48]

But cause and effect are simply aiming at something without hitting a mark. The complexity of interbeing is beyond any measurable variables. Here is Dogen again quoting Vimalakirti. To practice seeing, hearing, understanding and knowing. is only to practice seeing, hearing, understanding and knowing. It is not seeking Dharma. Birth is an expression, complete this moment. Death is an expression, complete this moment. Five is an expression, complete this moment. And six is an expression, complete this moment. Here's a poem by Joie Du that describes the delusion of narrative clinging. One character, three characters, five and seven characters.

[20:02]

Having thoroughly investigated the 10,000 things, none have any foundation At midnight, the white moon sets into the dark ocean. When searching for the black dragon's pearl, you will find they are numerous. Still, the stories do help us as provisional teachings to be kicked away, as words of our own that are an expression of our insight and are to be dropped. In the story I've told above, day five includes six, seven, eight, nine, and 10 in the freshness of the invitation. The significance of completeness is that it goes even farther than this.

[21:06]

Time has a way of deepening space expands, we expand and deepen. Here's another story that illustrates this differently. Case 21 of the Blue Cliff Record. A monk asks Chimen, how is it when the lotus flower has not yet emerged from the water? Chumen said, a lotus flower. The monk said, what about after it has emerged from the water? Chumen said, lotus leaves. In answering the monk in this way, Chumen is obstructing the narrative. to refer again to what Shinryu Suzuki said earlier of chewing rice, delusion is necessary, but delusion is not something on which you can establish yourself.

[22:17]

And it is as though Chu Men is saying, don't for a minute think of the one who is not yet realized, lotus. And don't for a minute think of the one who is, leaves. This is our liberation. We can't be realized if we can't go beyond any notion of enlightenment. And yet at the same time, only someone who has really done so can see that every single person on this entire planet is a lotus. In the beginning of the Paranirvana Sutra, before the Buddha speaks, the boundless body Bodhisattva appears. From each pore of her skin, a sprout is growing, growing towards the sun and becomes a lotus, 16 feet wide,

[23:38]

from each pore of the body unblemished and sweet and on each petal there are many countries flowers of all colors people of all colors all languages all religions sharing each other's resources filled with hundreds of gardens, cities after cities after cities, joyfully sharing in riches, all filled with loving and kind people caring for one another in the ease of simple days. Can we be here now for each other?

[24:46]

Settled in our breathing. Still in our bodies. Feeling the boundless body of Bodhisattva. the interconnectedness in this room. Still as a meadow of flowers in the equinox sun beyond all coming and going with and for one another. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[26:00]

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