January 3rd, 1996, Serial No. 02706

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ah today's the truth of the to tell letters words
good evening

naturally relieved to see that this is a rather small and intimate group tonight
transitions are rather unsettling and i'm in the midst of
a couple of transitions right now main one is and due to go to tassajara momentarily
and so i have
i find myself trying to do all of the things that i normally would do here in the city sewing classes staff meeting practice committee meeting office and directors meeting and office and directors or treat ah
following the sauce and schedule and etc
and more sewing classes because are people who really wants to get their raucous and done before i leave and
i don't know if alexandra is going to continue teaching before the practice period begins so maybe they won't get the so again till february and couldn't we just have one more class saturday and and of course i want to do it and i notice that my wanting to do all of these things
actually is green
it all
and those of you know me well know that i have this well-deserved reputation of being busy all the time
everyone thinks of me as very busy and i i see that this busy-ness really is a function of greed of wanting to do it all wanting to
not miss anything
and it struck me last night in sewing class that that's really what it is
and then on the other hand i'm trying to finish preparing a study book for the tassajara practice period class and packed for tassajara and be sure that i take everything that i need and maybe some fabric in case somebody down there wants to so iraq a and sewing much
cereals and so forth and ah
and so
and i'm reminded
of the story
which because i was busy getting the study but korea didn't get this go and look it up but now i'm at this moment not being able to recall the names though michael probably help me of the two monks one of whom was sweeping
and his brother monk came along and said
too busy
instead you should know that there's one who's not busy
and his brother said also there are two moons
and he held up the room and said which moon is this
who who are we talking about michael caine you don't remember it out there
anyhow at there is you know i i can see that there's one who's not busy because i'm i'm kind of watching myself and amusement
scurrying about like this
i'm just saying well just look at you and
a line you know we've been studying hsin hsin ming and their courses something in there for every occasion and there's something in there for this occasion to
a particular verse came to my mind if i can't find it
i right
the great way as vast neither easy nor difficult but those was limited views or irresolute the more in haste the target they go
and mill has made the note alongside this they want to get something and go
ah gaining idea and this is exactly what occurred to me this is gaining idea in being able and wanting to busily try to accomplish
all of the things that i can think of to accomplish on this list of preparations for this or that
the next line is
clinging cannot be kept within bounds
if we let this kind of green get hold of us there's no end to it there is no end to it i can you know however many things i can put on my list that i want to get done
if i'd take a few more minutes i can put another ten things on the list
there is no end to the possible things things to do to keep me busy
and at some point we just have to let go
and the what's in front of us and not get caught by all of these ideas of what has to get done
not get caught up in his haste and busy-ness of gotta get it done kind of get her character
and to stop and breathe
and just see what's the next thing
not be so attached to ah
know what am i'm not going to get done or
what will happen if i don't do it
you know if i don't get this rockers is finished
and marsha
and vicky
we're all here to help people get their offices finished
and it will all happen

i don't get this study work called typed up and presented and ready to go
there are others who have offered to help get it done
and it will happen
if i don't get to go to all of the meetings that i am supposed to go to but don't get over to get herbs and vitamins and bloody bar
it'll be all right
but transitions are are a little unsettling for everyone
as much as i'm looking forward to going to toss a horror
for the practice period i love to do a practice period it doesn't harm
there is that side of meters is low but i'm leaving behind all of this wonderful stuff is going on in the city i'm gonna miss the practice period in the city and i'm gonna miss norman's class and the city and i'm gonna be no
this gaining idea of doing it all is so
a very big
practice arena for me
and perhaps none of you fall into this kind of trap and maybe maybe i'm the only one who does this but i suspect there may be wanted to have you
who find yourself
in this kind of dizziness
home from time to time

as with anything else
the most useful way i know to practice with it is just to notice it when it's happening
and stop and take a breath
just see how grasping
your mind is and see if you can loosen up a little bit

another note that term mel has made in his notebook is the zen student
need to let go of all views and past experiences when he is entering the us in
the more we want to get something the further behind we fall

and of course this is so
this whole realm of practicing with gaining idea we talk about over and over again
that there's nothing to get
but we do our home
entertain the notion that there's something to get it we don't have
we need to acquire and we go to great effort
to intercession or to enter practice period or two
move into a practice place so that we can practice as a resident and get the citizens and every day with others who are practicing or to come we have with us tonight to people who have come from france to go to tassajara for practice period and going to great effort to get here
know we have people who have left their home and moved to san francisco in order to be able to practice
will the sanga
oh so there is that side of making
big effort
ah to put ourselves in a situation to practice
and yet
ah you know i know of course then we have some notion that there some benefit to be gained from all this effort
so it's kind of a conundrum for us
it's kind of a problem or a paradox for us
this this whole
realm of making effort with no gaining idea
a such an interesting problem to explore in practice what does it mean to make continuous effort whole hearted effort
when there's nothing to gain

how can we understand that
how can we sustain this kind of whole hearted effort
i'm as suzuki roshi says sin is making your best effort on each moment forever
how can we sustain this whole hearted effort forever
when we already have everything we need

this is our dilemma
can we appreciate our
just as it is
can we appreciate ourselves just as it is
can we appreciate others just as it is
and still make our best effort on each moment
to express this life to engage with others
to manifest this completeness that we are
just for the sake
of being who we are

not for the sake of anything added

when when we see that we
appear to be entertaining gaining idea
can we just noticed that
he amused with ourselves for getting caught again
and slow down and take a breath
and appreciate justice
and then continue making our best effort
but without that kind of extra harried pressured gotta gotta gotta feeling that goes with gaining idea
but just appreciate the to vitality of full exertion of our energy
without that extra
of thinking there's some point gotta do

when we're doing something just for the sake of doing it
oh there's a lot of joy in that
one were doing something for the sake of the ah
upon completion of it
it it's
you know we see the joy and appreciation is always postponed till later till it's done till you've actually accomplished it
if you're is doing it for the sake of doing it the joy is in the activity very moment

and you know if the result doesn't turn out quite as you hoped
you never get the joy of completion
but if you're just enjoying what you're doing while you're doing it ah
then the result is not the main thing the activity itself
becomes the main thing
the expression of your
your own energy
is the main thing

so for those who who live and practice here regularly i'm going to be leaving in a few days
to go to toss tassajara
i'll be coming back up here
briefly around february fourth
ah for a ceremony
and i hope that all of you will be very forthcoming in helping
michael and vicky and pakistan and the whole stare
do all the necessary
no stuff that has to be done for this sort of
medieval japanese
show that we're gonna put on here
i don't want to make light of it gets an important event for the community and certainly
ah is part of
the unsettled miss the i'm feeling
because it is a big transition for me as well
but will be having some great guess here and i hope that everyone will enjoy and appreciate the guests who come
oh zero hiroshi will be arriving
about a week for the ceremony
so you'll have him around for a while and then she be fun
and various old old friends of zen center will be here and various teachers from around the country that should be a lot of fun
ah but i recognize that it's also going to be a lot of work
for all of you and i hoped that you will be able to do it
in some good spirit of supporting
michael and vicky in be gene and paul and lease and all of the people who are mary
in all of the work fits goes to making something like this happen

i haven't so much more to say tonight is there anything that you would like to say to them
this will

martha sister's coming and going you know they will leave others will come they'll come back
it's only when your notice how attached you get that you can have any way to practice with non-attachment doesn't mean what it doesn't come up as a as as a disturbance in your mind
you don't have anything to practice with just gives you something juicy to practice with
no sadness when a friend is going to be gone for was pretty natural it's okay
just feel the sadness
if you don't want to feel the sadness then it becomes a problem
but if you're willing just feel the sadness
but it will arrive in pass away
pursuing a pepper
some of them someone may stay for awhile
but this has been a problem for me often i've i've lived here and a green gulch and at tassajara and at berkeley and every time it's time for me to move you know i have this just terrible wrenching oh my gosh leaving all my friends with
and then i get to next place as oh here all my friends to too
mavis a little harder which she left behind and mom they go off and leave you
but tom
you know there are also many friends you still have here
oh and there will be new people coming who will be looking for someone to befriend them and help them get
i feel some our acceptance and integration into the sanga
so here are one of the people now who can welcome new people there are a number of new people who becoming for the practice period
when you're one of the people who can welcome them and make them feel
but it's okay to be here
write a postcard now and then tell them to write you a postcard now know
you know has has gone down there
you know
bake them some cookies and sent him down there
narrow you think you'll think of something to maintain those friendships
and to make new one
but to
mainly i think just feel all yes these are my friends and said

another pounds
say it was not the search for

you know
narco status or
years long
it's not

the indian of christian now in arizona
or ah yeah

ah well there you have it done right you know how
so what does our practice about it it's actually about
appreciate learning to appreciate the beauty of her life as it is
where we are as it is but sometimes we have to travel far and and sit hard and long to learn to appreciate the beauty of our life as it is right here
you know i mean these folks in china were out straw sandals walking thousands of miles you know they walk up to you man and he says what's your problem
and this sara what's your problem
why are we so dissatisfied why the sister satisfaction come why does the prophets what's missing

there is something to be found by sitting still and paying attention
and tassajara happens to be a place where there's ah
rather more opportunity than most places to sit still and pay attention

that's true
no theoretically you can do it anywhere
but we make a monastery so to to provide that opportunity to serve provide a lot of support said opportunity
but when all is said and done what we find is just or so
which is always with us

so you know buddhism is doesn't seem to have any problem with the sort of the apparent contradiction doesn't
in western logic know it's very contradictory
this on

seeing things as it is
really is as it is as it really is it's not seeing something new and different that that to
i'm only exists here or there at tulsa horror somewhere else it's just as it is right now
but sometimes we need a lot of help to cut through the the
i are our mental habits to be able to see things as it is



well the the important thing to remember is that there is not something somewhere else
the were nervous you know we're never separate
whatever this goal is that we think there is were never separate from it for a moment
this is the teacher with non-duality we are not separate
from anything
everything is included right here

since the same change in england that arises simply a from not to
not we're not separate from the goal that we we get the notion that the goal is something separate from us but it's never said the truth
it says something like all sages and all times and places
understand this true
what am i love the kind of broad feeling of that of that line and chichen ming a minute it doesn't limit itself to zen or the buddhism or to any religious traditions as all sages and all times and places ah realize this truth of non-duality
i of this not to

but if you set up some goal of
arriving at at not to you're making a tuna side of it you're making a self and this goal which is separating what is not inherently separate
what we do that
where do
and just when we find ourselves doing that were just remind ourselves oh yes not to

strength more
with mental arise know

well i think it was fun when this is one one
one mental disturbances arise we have some some something really meaty to practice with you
so we we have one thing the way we practice with it is to sit still with it and pay attention to
and see that it arises and pests away
if we just sit still and pay attention to it we will notice it arising and passing away
if we grab on to it and begin to make a whole zero write a whole script about it we just kind of keep stirring it up and storing it off and keep the disturbance going but if we just sit still with it and watch it and see it
it and feel it
it transforms of itself
so whatever disturbance arises is an opportunity to practice with that
and to see how that is so that you become more and more confident oh yes if i just sit still with us
it will not
blow me away
so please i'll take care of yourselves and take care of each other
and i'll see we can to
me or in tangier