This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. particular memory that stays with me from when I was first practicing here as a student and that's when someone was serving they were carrying a bowl of peanuts which is what we served in those days Anyway.

[01:02]

Not sure whether to use his name or not. He's carrying the peanuts. And somehow or another, anyway, he spilled them all over the floor. And peanuts rolled really well. So they went everywhere. He paused. earned a rind, quietly walked out, came back with a broom and a dustpan and quietly went around that whole half of the zendo, sweeping all the peanuts. And of course we just sat there and thought, take as long as you like. Doesn't matter that our knees are killing us. Swept them all up. put them back in the bowl, and carried them out. And I remember being so struck by that, that over 25 years later, a couple of years ago, it so happens I had lunch with him.

[02:19]

He lives in Florida. Has a little Zen group there. And I said, do you remember that time? And he said, no. that way of you know you do your practice something happens okay now what okay I guess I better sweep all this up okay sweep it all up put it outside I even forget what we got to eat you know I assume we got something that way of staying inside the container. There's a Zen saying that says, if you don't keep the lid on, the rice won't cook.

[03:29]

You stay inside the container of Shashin. Doesn't mean all sorts of things don't happen, they do. So you just relate to it and respond appropriately and just stay there. You know, this is how we express, but this is also how we bring about the continuous contact. and that continuous involvement. This is how we start to crack open and experience something more than just the world of me. That is a haunting sign.

[04:53]

I think my world's being cracked open. And then these two worlds start to coexist. This world of the Dharma is this world that's momentary, this world that's filled with phenomena, where the sign of the cat is both haunting, intriguing, And then at the same time, just this vivid expression of life.

[06:01]

Almost like a celebration. Not so much that it fits into your schema of what you want to have happen. There it is. And it's just itself. Meaninglessly. So that Dharma world and then this other world of, wait a minute, wait a minute, I have things to worry about. I have things that are important to keep recirculating through my mind. And then the world of Dharma stimulates a luminosity. It stimulates the capacity to see the world of karma. And in the factors of awakening, you know, first factor is sati, is attention.

[07:10]

What's happening now? Okay, the sign of a cat. Okay, spilling peanuts on the floor. Whatever it is. that amazing bird that was singing during breakfast. And then this accompanying way of being that carries the momentum of our psychological energy, however you want to describe it, just keeps something continuing. And when we keep this continuous contact, something in that mix keeps cooking. It's not that all the issues of self disappear.

[08:19]

It's more that they loosen up and lighten up. And then occasionally they do neither. They just grapple. But even that becomes its own event, its own sparkling occasion. And learning in the midst of that continuous contact. Learning what is it to just turn towards, to turn towards, to turn towards, to experience. And as I was saying yesterday, in a very significant way, it's about trust. Trusting this, here and now.

[09:29]

Trusting this more than the judgments, the commentaries, the preferences, the attraction, the aversion. But as we trust this, as we entrust ourselves to this, whatever ourselves are, Some things quickened on both sides. Some things quickened in the immediacy and some things quickened in the urgencies of our psychological makeup. And they dance together. And the nature of investigation as an awakening factor is that it helps bring acknowledgement.

[10:42]

And then when the mind's more settled, it helps to reveal the alchemy of existence, the workings of how our energy, our attention, cook the moment, become absorbed in the moment, how they shape the momentary experience. we start to see the subtler plays of our own physical existence. I was speaking yesterday about Dogen Zenji using the phrase, beat the cart. Relate to the physical existence.

[11:47]

Because you may have noticed in the yoga, I talk quite a bit about be aware of the breath, and then engage the exhale as an ally for releasing and relaxing. There's a contraction we make when we withdraw from absorption. As we move into absorption, there's a flow. When there's a separating, There's a contraction. Sometimes we contract emotionally. Sometimes we just contract physically. And the breath can involve either or both of those. It can help bring a reassurance

[12:58]

that helps to nurture and sustain the trust of presence. And this outcome is not so available to our cognition. It doesn't actually help very much to set your mind to figure it out. It's not so useful in that way. It's more in the engaging. The investigation starts to reveal little details, little particulars. When the impulse to move arises,

[14:00]

to notice the impulse, to notice the experience before you move. And then move in the realm of continuous contact. Move slower, move more deliberately. And as you investigate it, you see that that way of moving is much more informative physically. but it's also more informative in terms of the nature of sustained attention. It has a continuity to it. As we Continue to pay attention.

[15:03]

These are the little details we start to notice. We start to notice that when we sit down for a period of zazen, there's an attunement going on. There's a rediscovery of concentrated body. awareness body, the sambhogakaya, the realm of intimate contact that has as its source sukha and piti, joy. How amazing is that? That in the intimate workings of physicality, is mental and physical ease and joy.

[16:03]

So whether or not you rock your body left and right seven or eight times or once, or whatever process you go through, that giving over, that entrusting to a physical intimacy of being. And finding within it an alignment that enlivens and resonates with that intimacy rather than sets up some opposition to it. Usually we think the ease in the body comes with sort of letting it drop. But actually, the ease in the body is about flow.

[17:15]

It's about when the body, the experience of the body is vibrant and flowing. So as we start to sit, this investigation? What is that field of sensing called aware body? And what is it to breathe it in and to breathe it out? What is it to let the breath breathe that body? So this kind of investigating, even as we start a period of jazin. So that as we sit, we're cultivating a reassurance and a trust in whatever arises.

[18:27]

How can we possibly know what's going to arise? Why would we define Zazen by trying to manufacture the experience? I was reading yesterday, in that fascicle that I quoted before, towards the end of it, Dogen Zenji starts to talk about the song era in China and he said well there's thousands of teachers all teachings as and they've all got it wrong except for a couple I read ten thousand maybe about ten it seemed to be his point was this

[19:36]

If the emphasis of your Zazen is on manufacturing the experience, you're distracting yourself from the fundamental process of liberation. This reassurance and trust of staying continuously present with what's coming up. didn't say reassurance and trust he just said staying continuously present and then on the karmic side you know when you're an arahant which is going to take another couple of days

[20:40]

These afflictive arisings will have ceased completely. It'll just be these upsurges of energy and intimate connection with all being. But in the meantime, there may occasionally be other arisings. say yes, to turn towards, to rather than contract, to open. And of course the process is to notice how and when and where you contract. You distract your attention.

[21:43]

do you charge with afflictive emotion or desire? Sometimes it seems to me that desire, fantasy, is one of the nicest ways to take a vacation. And then as you cast that aside, then discontent is more likely companion. Watching your mind notice

[22:47]

person across the zendo, didn't sit down correctly, or is walking too noisily, or something. Or yourself, not sitting quite right, not chanting quite right, or whatever it is, you're not doing quite right. underneath much more interesting currents of emotion. And as we start to become aware of these, in a way there's a kind of regression. We're starting to get down there into the Vedana.

[23:51]

the more visceral feelings the more unreasonable responses to being alive the anxiety the fear remorse loneliness to just say yes in experience to let the breath be an ally to experience in the body and whatever you do don't try to make it reasonable

[24:54]

not in that territory. If you're frightened by the fading light of evening, well, be frightened by the fading light of evening. And similarly, if you're irrationally optimistic by the sun rising, enjoy it. In this realm, we're starting to contact these primal forces that feed the narrative of our karmic mind. That give meaning to recurring themes.

[25:57]

So as I've said before, we listen not only to the content, but we listen to what makes it urgent, what makes it significant, what makes it potent. And we listen not with rational mind. We listen with heart, with gut. We listen with the sensitivity of our physical being. This kind of investigation. And these two worlds move together. This world of this Dharma world of bright momentariness.

[27:06]

and in this mysterious current of our humanness. And they cook together through this continuous contact And then this marvelous thing, something starts to lighten. There's a kind of an okayness starts to emerge. Not because we've figured something out. Not because we've made some great accomplishment in our practice. Great accomplishments in our practice are very helpful. You know that period of Zazen where you felt settled.

[28:11]

Something in you unknotted. And great failures are very helpful in our practice too. When you make the unforgivable mistake and then forgive it. The world can be forgiven. I can be forgiven. That person can be forgiven. Like this, the world, our practice, what arises in a period of zazen, becomes a safer proposition. The need to control it.

[29:14]

The need to manufacture a certain response. The need to have it be within certain parameters. Starts to diminish. the thread of that we catch the flavor of that with our body and our breath we catch the flavor of that with our effort our effort becomes steady and more matter-of-fact to Dharma becomes less of an ideal proposition that will save us from our tawdry existence and more like a close-by friend that holds our hand when we need some reassurance

[30:44]

And the world, according to karma, becomes more of a teaching on how to practice. More of a teaching on what it is to be human. More of a teaching on the... particularities of your own personality, your own predilections, your own psychological makeup, your own body. And if it feels like the schedule is squeezing you a bit, be squeezed.

[31:53]

It's a more useful place, if we dare use the word useful. It's a more potent place than it's all too easy. garage, however it may be coming up for you. It's not about tightening and fiercely overcoming. It's about undoing. It's about getting in touch with that which has been ignored. And as we move towards arahantship to savor those moments of release where indeed just this is enough.

[33:15]

Where indeed something is being nurtured. How that reformulates the world. Here's another poem by Anna Swerp. Great humility fills me. Great purity fills me. I don't know whether this is joy or sadness. I don't understand what I feel. I'm crying. I'm crying and humility as if I were dead gratitude I thank you my fate how beautiful my life great humility fills me great purity fills me

[34:33]

I don't know whether this is joy or sadness. I don't understand what I feel. I'm crying. I'm crying. It's humility as if I were dead. Gratitude. I thank you, my fate. How beautiful my life. as the factors of awakening ripen joy release ease concentration equanimity the amazing fortuitous gift of the Dharma is

[35:37]

that when we engage the process, when we give over to the process something ripens of its own accord. We just engage and give over. We just cook in the container. We don't manufacture the result. This is how we Siddhasana. This is the teaching, as Prajnatara says, Learn this teaching with every breath.

[36:39]

10,000 times I read this sutra. And then we carry it off our cushion. And we let these days of sashin become numberless. We let them become timeless. so happens I have a poem about that too, if I can find it. Well, looks like

[37:45]

I'd smarted myself. The poet says, the sky has no name for itself. no name for itself no purpose to its efforts to its action its movement we can attribute whatever we like but can we own it can we see it as the workings of our humanness?

[38:46]

Can we see that we're living in this enlightened world? Everything is just itself. Can we trust it to be that? that way of being. We call it a grain of sand, but it calls itself neither grain nor sand. It does just fine without a name, whether general, particular, permanent, passing, incorrect or apt.

[39:54]

glance or touch mean nothing to it. For it, it has no difference between falling on anything else without, with no reassurance that has ever finished falling or that it is still falling. The lake's floor exists floorlessly. The water feels itself neither wet nor dry. And its waves are neither singular nor plural. A second passes. A second second. A third. But they're only seconds to us. Time has passed like a courier with urgent news. But that's just our simile. character is inverted.

[41:00]

His haste is make-believe. His news inhuman. So when the moment arises, invite you beyond the self. And if the self wants to come along and write a commentary or a poem about it all, okay, that too. And then invite that world back to Zazen.

[42:03]

the sign of the bird, the sign of the creek, the sense of space in the room, the occurrence of a particular image that may or may not have a story, that may or may not have an intense emotion that may or may not insist upon staying for a while. This kind of continuous contact the involvement, the investigation, the awareness that starts to make evident that this is going on.

[43:33]

The narrative, The imperative of our karmic life, it befuddles us. So much of it is repetitious. So much of it we've heard before. I didn't like it the first time. Why exactly are we replaying it? And each moment the world offers something new. Even if it's just this moment's awareness of our befuddlement. How extraordinary that has come into the light of awareness. immerse in this to become absorbed in it like water is absorbed into a sponge that the bird song is not anything different

[45:24]

from being alive in the moment. This is entrusting our life to the Dharma through the Buddha and the Sangha. This is what makes us lost in gratitude. Thank you, my fate. Great humility fills me. Great purity fills me. I don't know whether this is joy or sadness. I don't understand what I feel. I'm crying. I'm crying. It's humility as if I were dead.

[46:28]

Gratitude, I thank you, my fate. How beautiful, my life. Who knows? Maybe today, You'll have a moment or two like that. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click giving.

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