This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. It was lovely walking over here with Inzan, seeing the half moon rising over the mountain. and hearing the crickets. I'm very happy to be here tonight. My name is Tova Green, and I practice mainly at San Francisco Zen Center in the city. I lived at Tassajara for four years from 2000 to 2004, and I've been back for a couple of practice periods since then. But it's very special to come in the summer, and I'm here this week with Laura Davis, who's a wonderful writing teacher.

[01:05]

And we're leading the writer's journey, crafting stories that are vivid, compelling, and true. So I hope that sounds enticing to you. The ways we're working are connecting with ourselves through writing and then communicating with others, sharing our writing with each other in the retreat. And before I go any further, I want to thank Greg Datanto for inviting me to give this talk. I'd like to thank all the summer residents for taking good care of Tassajara and... our retreats and practicing so faithfully during the summer. There are so many wonderful classes and events, small groups going on.

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It just feels like Tassahara is just bubbling with the Dharma. And I also want to thank everyone who's here tonight because a Dharma talk is co-created. It wouldn't happen if you weren't here. So thank you for coming. So tonight I'd like to talk about integrity and say a little bit about how I came to this theme and then give an overview of what I plan to talk about tonight. And I'm hoping there'll be some time for questions and or comments. And we will end at 9.20, I promise the tanto. So I've been studying the precepts this, well, I've been studying the precepts for a long time, but this year in winter I taught a class on the precepts at City Center, and then since then I've had a monthly ongoing study group with students who were in that class.

[03:18]

And I find studying the precepts, it's a lifelong study, And it really helps me in my day-to-day life, making decisions, thinking about what I say. And last month, we had our monthly Queer Dharma group, and I was giving the talk for that month. And this year, we've been studying a book by Larry Yang, who's a Vipassana teacher. And his book is called Awakening Together. Many students here have been reading that book this summer as well. We decided this year each of us who gives a talk at Queer Dharma would refer to Larry's book. And I came upon the chapter in his book called Integrity and really found his exploration of integrity very compelling because he talks about how to practice with integrity in a world in which we don't necessarily see it mirrored.

[04:22]

among our current leaders and how does the concept or the practice of integrity have to do or give us the strength and will to be upright and meet some of the challenges of our times. I've been exploring what integrity means and how it manifests in our individual practice, in our practice with friends and family, in our community, and in the wider world. And I'd like to touch on all of those levels tonight. So first, just to explore the meaning of integrity, And the derivation of the word, it has several meanings.

[05:28]

And this week I asked a few people what they thought integrity meant. And you might have some ideas of your own about how you understand that word. And these are some of the replies I got. Integrity is when what you do and what you say are congruent. when your intention lines up with your action, fully showing up with what you do, and then words such as authenticity, trust, faith, respect, all facets of integrity. And Larry Yang says, integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching. So we do the right thing because we have a deeply felt sense that it's the right thing not to impress anybody else.

[06:30]

So there are two main or core meanings of integrity. One is the quality of being honest, having strong moral principles, moral uprightness, and some synonyms are honesty. probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principles, ethics, morals. So along those lines, an antonym might be dishonesty. And then there's a second meaning, which is the state of being whole and undivided. And some synonyms are unity, coherence, cohesion, togetherness, solidarity. And an antonym might be division. And integrity is related to the word integer, which is a whole number as opposed to a fraction. So there's something about the wholeness of our being that's conveyed by the word integrity.

[07:39]

And I think, however, that integrity, unlike a whole number, isn't anything fixed or static. It's very alive. something in motion, and it's something that always needs to be refreshed and renewed. So I want to talk a little bit about some aspects of practicing with the precepts, including what we call confession and repentance, how we look at that from our Zen Buddhist practice, and also talk about wholeness and that aspect of integrity, illustrating it with a story, and then look at integrity as we can express it in our communities and in the wider world. So I think of the precepts as, and that's not just my thought about this, but many of us do as ethical guideposts, not as rules,

[08:46]

And although they're often worded as prohibitions, they can also be worded in the affirmative. So, for example, the first grave precept is, I vow not to kill. But we can also express it as, I take up the way of cherishing life or supporting life. And just in case, some of you may not know the 16 precepts that we practice with in the Zen tradition. So I'll just briefly say they're the three refuges. I take refuge in Buddha. I take refuge in Dharma. I take refuge in Sangha. And then what we call three pure precepts, which are more general than the ten that follow. So I vow to embrace and sustain right conduct. There are different... interpretations or versions of these. I vow to embrace and sustain all good.

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I vow to embrace and sustain all beings. And then the ten that follow, these are the prohibitory versions. I vow not to kill. I vow not to take what is not given. I vow not to misuse sexuality. I vow not to lie. I vow not to intoxicate mind or body of self or others. I vow not to slander. I vow not to praise self at the expense of others. I vow not to be avaricious. I vow not to harbor ill will. And I vow not to disparage the three treasures, which are Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. So you can see they span many of... Many aspects of our lives, speech, which we all have to do, sexuality, which is part of our lives, and not intoxicating can be very broadly interpreted as anything we consume, not just drugs or alcohol, chocolate, but also what we read, what we listen to, how much time we spend on the internet, those kinds of things.

[11:03]

Anyway, these precepts are really expressions of our thoughts, words, and actions. And a book that I really enjoy working with on the precepts is called Waking Up to What You Do by Diane Resetto, who's a Zen teacher in Oakland. And she starts with a quote from the Dhammapada, which is from the Buddha's very early teachings, which I'd like to share. The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit and the habit into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care and let it spring from love. born out of concern for all beings, as the shadow follows the body, as we think, so we become.

[12:08]

So I feel that really expresses the connection between our thoughts, our words, and our actions, which is what we really examine when we practice with the precepts. And one of the that happens when we start practicing with the precepts, as my teacher says, is there's less and less wiggle room. We kind of notice when something we've done or said, it just doesn't feel quite right. And what can we, you know, we may come back to that experience in our thoughts. And one of the ways we can act when something like that happens is by telling someone about it. So I have a story of something that happened when I was at Tassahara, and I was my teacher's attendant for a practice period, which meant I took care of her cabin, kept it clean.

[13:21]

I stocked up on her snacks. I took care of the altar and various other things. And one day when she was out of the cabin, I, for some reason, was drawn to a jar of dried apricots on the shelf because she liked dried apricots. And I just helped myself to a few apricots. And I thought, well, she will never notice. And she came back, and I didn't say anything about it. But it nagged at me. And then when I had a one-on-one meeting with her, I told her that I had eaten these apricots. And that's when she told me about practicing with the precepts. There's less and less wiggle room. Because I was taking what hadn't been given. It hadn't been offered. And then later on, when I was cleaning up

[14:22]

her cabin and she was about to go out, she said, by the way, help yourself to some apricots. So, you know, that was, then it was fine for me to take some apricots. And, you know, we have this practice of confession here. Every morning we chant all my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion born through body, speech, and mind I now fully avow. I think it's very meaningful to do that. And I also think, you know, in addition to telling one person if there's something that we feel we've done or said that we regret or feel is not in keeping with our practice, there's a wonderful thing that happens here at work meeting, and it happens in the city too. For example, if someone is late ringing the wake-up bell, they will often at work meeting just say, I'm sorry I was late with the wake-up bell, knowing that it affects everybody in the community.

[15:31]

And I think when we're practicing with the precepts, we really see how our actions affect other people and how interconnected we are. So I want to move on to the aspect of integrity that has to do with wholeness, and tell a story from The Hidden Lamp, which is a book many of you are probably already familiar with this. It's a book of 100 stories about our Zen women ancestors with commentaries by 100 contemporary women teachers. Yesterday I had the great pleasure of going to Inzan's class where she talked about a story from I think I really enjoy sharing these stories because there are so many stories about our male ancestors and these stories were really carefully researched and it's wonderful to have so many stories about our women ancestors and the commentaries also very lively.

[16:42]

So this is a story about a lay woman named Kunika who lived in the time of the Buddha, so that's 2,500 years ago, and she was known as a slave. She had a master that she worked for, and she was a follower of the Buddha. So she had heard the Buddha's teachings, and it deeply affected her understanding of life. So here's the story. The slave Punika was follower of the Buddha and attained the first stage of awakening while carrying water from the river to her master's house. Sometime later, she was again bringing water from the river when she saw the Brahmin Udaka Sudika taking a ritual bath. She said to him, I must come down to the river even on cold days like today because I am a water carrier and slave. But why do you come to the river even when it makes you shiver with the cold?

[17:44]

And he said, I am washing away. You know the laws of karma, he said to her. I am washing away my past evil acts. Who told you that would work, she asked. If this were true, frogs, turtles, and water snakes would all go to heaven. And evildoers like pork butchers, thieves, and executioners could all be cleansed with a bath. Besides, doesn't water wash away your merit as well? It would be better to avoid doing evil in the first place. So spare yourself from this freezing water and go home. And the Brahmin saw the truth of her words, and then he tried to give her his robe in gratitude, and she refused. Instead, she suggested that he should take refuge in Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha and train in the precepts. And he did.

[18:46]

He followed through. He took refuge and said to her, your words have washed me clean. So the commentary on this story is by Diana Winston, who wrote a wonderful book about Buddhism for teens. She's a Vipassana teacher who lives in L.A. a mom and just a very bright spirit. And what she commented on, which you probably noticed, is the great power differential between Punica, who was a laywoman and a slave, and the Brahmin, who was from the uppermost caste in India. And it was her practice that enabled her to speak up and speak with him with authority. and not be intimidated by the difference in their status. And one thing, I'll just quote Diana's conclusion about this.

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Punica was a revolutionary. For us, she's a model. There have always been so many pressures, especially for women, to hide our truth, to not be as big as we know we can be or as we secretly dream of being. We hide our light and our deepest realizations, and the world isn't better because of it. Nobody benefits by our hiddenness." And I think the title of this book, The Hidden Lamp, is that so many women teachers have been unknown over the centuries. But I think Punica was, I think, a woman of integrity. She was able to speak from a very grounded place and to tell her truth, even in a situation where some women might have a very difficult time speaking up.

[20:54]

So conscious of the time, I think that's just a good example of one way of... Finding wholeness is finding our voice, being able to speak our truth, whether it's in a Dharma situation or in any situation in our communities or in the wider world. And Larry Yang, when he talks about integrity, he broadens the scope of practicing with integrity. to include societal situations in which we may feel challenged to speak our truth or be our whole selves. And he has a few pointers about integrity that I'd like to share. Integrity is acting on behalf of others when we do not have to because we have some benefit, privilege, power, or entitlement that protects us.

[22:00]

Integrity is doing a wise and compassionate action when no one agrees with us. Integrity is placing a higher value on the greater good of all rather than the gain of an individual or selected individual groups. So it's really thinking of the well-being of everyone, which is our vow to live and be lived for the benefit of all beings. And just one final quote from Larry Yang. Integrity is not just a personal practice, but a collective one that transforms our communities and our world. And since society is made up of each of us, because each of us is part of that experience of being human, that ethical transformation begins here, with all of us awakening together with integrity. So thank you for your attention.

[23:05]

And I think there is time for a few questions or comments if anybody would like to offer your thoughts or your questions. I see two hands, one back there and then Greg. Yes. Could you say a little more what you mean about fear of integrity? I think that integrity is actually speaking our truth or acting in accordance with the precepts is a way of meeting fear.

[24:08]

And there are times when we might want to say something that's hard to say, either to a friend or to a group of people, and fear can arise. But I think if we have a sense that what we want to say. And there were a few things that the Buddha taught about speech, not only is it true, is it the right time and place, can you say it in a way that's kind, and is it promoting harmony rather than divisiveness. And I think if you have a sense that what you want to say or do meets those criteria, that can help overcome any fear you might have. And sometimes I would say it may feel risky, especially the first few times you speak out if that's not what you are used to doing.

[25:16]

But I think that's what I would say about fear. It helps to meet it head on and try to find your courage in the face of it. Go ahead. Thank you very much for your talk. Very encouraging. I remember you confessing to the entire community because you did a puppet show on Skate Night about apricots. Do you remember that? I do remember that. That's how I know the story already, because that skit was so vivid. Darling, the puppets needed all the voices. That was the entire scenario.

[26:19]

What happened? You shared it with the entire community. I'll never forget it. When Linda said, by the way, help yourself to some apricots, did you have an enlightenment experience? Well, my heart opened. I felt she was totally forgiving me and acknowledging that she appreciated my bringing it up. And, you know, it just... created such a sense of ease after that. I think you're one of maybe very few people who was here on that skit night, so thank you for remembering it. Yeah, that was a teaching moment for me, for sure. You know, it's sometimes surprising, small interactions like that, whether it could be with a friend or with a teacher, can be life-changing.

[27:22]

You know, if you let them sink in and see, what is the meaning of this? And I want to draw a parallel because that's what we're working on in the writing group, kind of working with things that have happened in our lives and kind of going deeper and trying to see what do they have to teach us. So I see that as another way of practicing with integrity. Anyone else have a question or a comment? then I think it's time to... Do we do the refuges after a Dharma talk or just end? Okay. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma.

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For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

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