This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. What a great day, huh? It's been continuously foggy out here at the beach for many, many, many days, so pretty spectacular today. Here are some lines of poetry by Robert Creeley. They've been sticking in my mind since I first read them in the late 60s. And for all these years I've been remembering them and I decided to look them up and realized that I've been misremembering them. Here's what Creeley writes.

[01:02]

What I've been remembering is the lines inside and outside, impossible possibilities. That's what I've been thinking about for 40 years. But here's what it really says, I'm gonna back up a little bit and give you the context before those lines. He writes, as real as thinking, wonders created. by the possibility forms a period at the end of a sentence which began it was into a present a presence saying something as it goes no forms

[02:03]

Less than activity. All words, days, or eyes, or happening is an event only for the observer. No one there. Everyone here. And then I'm skipping a few lines. Here comes the part that I remembered. Inside and out. Impossible locations. Reaching in from outside. Out from inside. As middle. One hand. These are beautiful lines to me, important.

[03:09]

And of course, they remind me of our practice, probably because everything reminds me of our practice. When you see a room full of people sitting in Zazen, everybody silent. What's going on? It certainly looks like everyone is absorbed in himself or herself, withdrawn from others in the world. But is that really true? When you go inside, stopping all social interaction and all activity and just sitting with breathing and awareness, you're actually also going outside. You're leaving yourself behind and you're going out into the wilderness.

[04:12]

Because presence, a simple presence, is wild. And it's not you. You're in it. Everything is in it. But it's not you. Awareness isn't inside and it's not personal. Inside and outside, impossible locations. It's really important to sit. Not just for a few minutes, but sometimes it's important to sit for a while, for a whole day, or for a whole week, just in silence. I think we actually need that in order to digest our lives. to settle with what has happened to us. To realize, yeah, all these things really did happen.

[05:18]

I really did live through all that. All those immense and colorful days. I really did experience all those hurts and fears and and losses, and triumphs, and joys, and confusion. That really happened. And how does it feel? And what does it mean? And what am I going to do next? You really can't just go on crashing through your life without once in a while, stopping and feeling what happened. Not thinking about it or explaining it or figuring it out, but feeling it. Feeling it in the body, feeling it in the breathing, feeling it in the soul, feeling it in your presence.

[06:27]

Settling with your life. We can settle With everything. With anything. Some things are harder to settle with than others. Some things maybe take a whole lifetime to settle with. But we can settle. That was a great saying of Katagiri Roshi. It's a saying that Blanche Hartman keeps repeating over and over again. At least last time I heard her, she was still saying this. more she says it, the wiser she gets. And the better the saying gets. Settle the self on the self and let the flower of your life force bloom. You've heard her say this. Settle the self on the self and let the flower of your life force bloom.

[07:33]

That's Zazen. All words, days, or eyes, or happening is an event only for the observer. No one there. Everyone here. When you settle inside, somehow the outside also settles. You can notice this especially with other people. You can notice it if you pay attention. When you settle your resentment and your fear and your anger a little bit, when you have a little bit more equanimity, a little bit more forgiveness, then you notice you change inside. But also, you begin to notice others change too.

[08:39]

they start behaving a little better. Troublesome people become slightly less troublesome. And you also seem to meet slightly fewer troublesome people in your travels around the world when you change inside. It's odd, but it happens. Sometimes even inanimate objects change when you change. They don't fall out of your hands as easily. They're more cooperative. And even complicated, multiple-caused situations change outside when you change inside. And you realize that outside and inside are really one thing. One hand. Not two.

[09:41]

Separate things. Me inside and the rest of the world over there. And then you realize that your thoughts and feelings are not and never have been as personal and private as you thought they were. You realize that all along you have been thinking the world's thoughts. You have been feeling the world's feelings. And that the world has needed you to do this on its behalf. And the world knows that you're doing this and really appreciates it. When you think that your thoughts and feelings are private and personal, they can be sometimes quite painful or embarrassing. you realize it's not you it's not about you it never was about you that everything about you is of necessity shared and common in the best sense of that word then it feels pretty good to be sitting in Zazen together with everyone as the whole world turns

[11:09]

And that's why your inner world and your outer world influence each other so much. Because it really is true, you are making the world and simultaneously the world is making you. And all your thoughts and feelings and all your human experience is made by language and by your evolutionary genetic heritage and by your culture and by your family and by everyone you've ever met and everything you've ever done interacting in the world. And as you grow and settle with your life, your family and your world also begin to grow and settle. And we all know this perfectly well. We all understand that the world that we lived in as children is literally not the world we're living in now. Because you have changed. And the whole world has changed with you.

[12:18]

The whole world feels exactly the way you feel. And that's why it's so important for you to practice. It's not just for you. It never was just for you. And it can't ever be just for you. We are all going somewhere together. A monk once asked Chan Master Siyong, who was a 19th century Chan Master, excuse me, 17th century Chan Master, a monk once asked her, 30 blows, are these the actions of an ordinary person or an enlightened being? Siyong said, as long as the fellow isn't beaten to death, The monk then said to her in admiration, when you speak, the clouds assemble.

[13:30]

In the end, who is this great hero among women? And Siyang said, each and every person has the sky over their head and the earth under their feet. Each and every person. as the sky over their head and the earth under their feet. And hearing this, the monk gave a great Zen shout. So Young said, what's the point of recklessly shouting like that? The monk then bowed respectfully to her. And Zuyang said, the Dharma doesn't rise up alone. It cannot emerge without reliance on the world.

[14:34]

If I take up the challenge of speaking, I must surely borrow the light and the dark, the form and the emptiness of the mountains and hills and the great earth, the call of the magpies and the cry of the crows. The water flows and the flowers bloom brilliantly, preaching without ceasing. In this way, there is no restraint. No restraint. That's how we would all like to live inside and outside. free of ourselves and our compulsions and free of the world and its sorrows and pressures, fully participating in all that unfolds, good and bad, in a human lifetime among others on the earth.

[15:44]

What is inside and outside? If I see you, Somewhere outside. Is that inside or is it outside? I see a person in the foreground. Maybe some water in the background. Maybe some grass. A tree. I see one picture, one context in my mind. And all of that is my experience of seeing right now. It's intimate right here. It's my whole heart right now in the moment of seeing. The whole passionate life of seeing you. You are literally in that moment in my eye, in my mind. Is that inside or outside?

[16:49]

And when I have a powerful feeling of resentment or fear, how can I receive that feeling? How can I know it? If it weren't also outside me, if it weren't literally not me, that's the only way I can know it. Inside and outside. Impossible locations. impossible possibilities that's why of course I have to live in this world and do what I can that's why of course I must be in relation to others whether I stay at home all the time like a hermit or run here and there staying in touch with thousands of people either way I'm always in relation to others.

[17:53]

I have to build a life in this world somehow. And the world is going to participate in that. Saying to me, this is good. I'll respond to that. That's not so good. Anyway, for now. And I'm not going to respond to that. So all of that matters. Others' reactions, the world's reactions matter. And I try to make my way. But I can't pay over much attention to it. How is my heart inside? Can I forgive myself for being myself? Can I appreciate and understand my human condition? some generosity can I give myself permission to suffer if it's time for me to suffer can I make a good effort to continue in my life and support others if I can do all that then it's okay the world will take me up or the world will set me down and it's all okay I am

[19:20]

can't be pushed around by the world and I can't be pushed around by my afflictive emotions I'll just go forward one more step I'm just going to live today and then one more day after that if I'm lucky here's another story This one's about Patacara, who lived during the Buddhist time. In one day, in a series of truly horrible events, Patacara lost her whole family. Her husband was bitten by a poisonous snake, When she turned to minister to him, her newborn child was carried off by a hawk.

[20:24]

When she ran off to try to save the newborn, her older child slipped into the river and drowned. And before she could go home to her mother and father and brother, there was an avalanche and their house collapsed and they were killed. Maybe this sounds like quite a fable. How could such a thing happen? Must be an exaggeration for effect. Maybe. But maybe not. You know, of course, that almost every day you can turn on the television and you can see women and men grieving the loss of their entire families, gone in one day in a tsunami or a hurricane or a drone attack.

[21:30]

These things actually happen pretty regularly. Anyway, when this happened to Patachara in our story, she went insane with grief. She tore off her clothes and she wandered naked in circles. Finally, she stumbled on the place where the Buddha was teaching. When the monastics saw this raving naked woman appearing, they wanted her to go away. They didn't want her disturbing the place. But Buddha said, no, no, let her come. She appeared and the Buddha said, sister, recover your presence of mind. Somehow, Bhattacharya did. And she realized she was naked. The man gave her a cloak. She covered herself. And she told the Buddha her story. And she begged him to help her. And he said to her, I cannot help you.

[22:38]

For countless lives, your eyes have been red with tears for your loved ones. Your tears could fill the four oceans, but there is no place secure from suffering. Knowing this, a wise person walks the path of awakening. These words eased her mind. Eventually she ordained She became a diligent practitioner, devoting herself to Dharma. And one day she saw deeply into the nature of impermanence. And her heart was at rest and she saw suddenly appear before her an image of the Buddha. And the Buddha said to her, Padicara, all human beings die.

[23:47]

It is better to see the truth of impermanence even for just a moment than to live for a hundred years and never know it. Bhattacharya became the greatest nun of her times. She had many, many disciples and lived to an old age. A beautiful, happy and productive life. There's a commentary to the story of Patacara by Anna Douglas, who's a local Vipassana teacher. In her commentary, Anna recalls a time when she too was suffering a lot in her life. And she felt very lonely in her suffering. She would try to tell her friends and her relatives, but nobody seemed to really get it or want to pay attention. So she went to Byron Katie, who's a spiritual teacher, for guidance and Katie said to her, okay, I'll tell you what, I'll pretend that I'm your family and friends and you tell me the story.

[24:55]

So Ana launched into her story and Katie listened very patiently and when it was over, looked her in the eye with great compassionate look and said to her in the character of her family and friends, Ana, We really don't want to hear this. We're just busy with other things. We really don't want to hear about this. And Anna says about this. At first, when I heard her say this, I was totally stunned. But then very quickly, my mind cleared. The burden of wanting to be heard lifted. and evaporated. Someone was finally telling me the truth. This is the effect of the truth.

[26:00]

When we're told the truth, no matter how painful, it helps us settle down. You feel heard, seen, you feel sane. What is our suffering, our anguish? Is it inside or is it outside? Is it real or is it imagined? Do we make too much of it or not enough? Do I have more suffering than you do or less? Is there some suffering that's real and other suffering that's less real or not real at all? Well, I guess suffering is emotional, right? Suffering must be emotional. But it could be the opposite, too, right?

[27:02]

It could be exactly the opposite. No emotion. Dead inside. That could be worse suffering. Or we could be so overcome with emotion that we're raging around in circles, naked and alone. Where does emotion come from? Well, it arises in the body. It's the body's response to the world outside. But the world outside is also inside. It's our perception, our reaction, our interpretation. The suffering of being disrespected. The suffering of things not going as we want them to go, as they should go. The suffering of injustice. These must be based on our perceptions and on our deeply held views and principles.

[28:02]

And our thoughts and feelings will rage in response to these perceived grievances. And we can nurse them even when they're no longer physically present. We can nurse suffering. for a whole lifetime. Suffering of physical pain, suffering of weakness of the body, suffering of lack of nourishment, of disease, and so on. These experiences, too, will cause our mind to be discouraged and will darken the world in our view. Being human is having a wide and a deep imagination. We can speak and we can think. We can imagine a future.

[29:06]

And that's why we suffer. And so our liberation must be a healing of the imagination. We can think. We can speak. We can imagine our lives differently. Spiritual practice is an act of the imagination. It's a re-visioning of our lives. And it begins in the body. It can't just be in our heads. Because our emotion is in our body. healing of suffering has to be in the body too. Body, mind, heart, inside, outside. The Buddha, it is said, overcame the suffering of sickness, old age, and death. And yet, the Buddha got sick, grew old, and died.

[30:15]

This means that for the Buddha, sickness, was not sickness. Old age was not old age and death was not death. Who are you actually? What is your life? Really? Don't be fooled. By the usual story. Don't be tricked. By your own mind. All the problems of a lifetime. All the hopes. All the wishes. All the suffering. Think again. As real.

[31:20]

As thinking. wonders created by the possibility forms a period at the end of the sentence which began it was into a present a presence saying something as it goes So nice to see everybody this morning and talk with you. Take care. Thanks. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support.

[32:24]

For more information, visit SF zc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[32:36]

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