This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning to everyone. And good morning to and deep welcome to everyone who is joining us this morning. particularly. So as you may or may not know, quite a number of us have been sitting in this old barn for the last few days. This is the fourth day of our retreat session. So if you're just entering the This morning, you're entering into a kind of practice field of intention and presence and settling and silence that's been really, I think, quite lovingly cared for over the last few days.

[01:23]

And so much appreciation for everyone who's been sitting with such sincerity. So as you're coming into this, you might just notice like, oh, what does it feel like? I see a few heads nodding. What does it feel like to walk into a space where people have been inquiring, inquiring, settling sincerely and into this much bigger space too that's held so many people, so many countless hours of people coming in this way. So it's quite a wonderful and rare gift, and the quails think so too, for us to all be here together. And if you don't know, my name is Sese Mag Levy, and I've been here for this retreat, and I am at Green Gulch.

[02:26]

And I think I want to give a special welcome to the Spiritual Inquiry Group. Are you all here? Spiritual Inquiry Group? Oh, yeah. Welcome. So this is a group from Katati and elsewhere, perhaps, of going to visit different teachers and places from different Dharma traditions. And today is Zen Day. So welcome. Welcome. Glad you could come. And through our days together, we've been sitting kind of a demanding schedule of a 4.30 wake-up bell when it's still quite dark, and the birds have not started singing yet. And people then coming to the zendo, starting to sit at 5 a.m. Eventually the birds wake up too. And... going mostly through silence and very simple sitting and eating even our meals here together in the zendo in a formal traditional way all the way until 9 p.m.

[03:40]

So it's a demanding practice and there's a lot of support in the schedule and the place and the tradition and each other. There's something in the guidelines, the Sashin admonitions, we say that, you know, Sashin is a time to, in a way, reaffirm, to clarify anew our deep intention, our deep intention. And I think whatever has brought everyone here for the week to sit is not different from what has brought everyone here just for this morning. There's some inner listening. And somehow today, miraculously, all of us here got to listen to that, and we get to be here together for a little while.

[04:45]

So through the week, we've been encouraging each other to first simply settle in. Settle in to fully being here, fully being in your body. Sometimes, I feel this sometimes, like my body's like in this perpetual sort of slight tension mode of like, I'm ready, I've got to do something, something, something, right? Even if there's nothing particularly I need to do. So sometimes I need to stop and just take that breath and, okay, I really can let my shoulders go down. I really can. I really can take a full breath. I really can... trust that whatever I'm sitting on and the earth below is not going to go away.

[05:57]

It's really going to hold me. So I'm going to invite everyone into that right now, very simply. Just if you would like to take a deep, full breath in. And then a long breath out. Just notice if there's anything extra you're holding on to. Can that be let go of just for right now? Let's try that one more time if you want. A deep, full breath in. And a really slow, nice, long breath out. letting go of anything extra. And just feeling yourself wherever you're seated, feeling yourself on the cushion or the chair, the weight of your body, trusting that there's support there.

[07:08]

If you're in a chair, feeling your feet touching the floor. And for all of us, the earth, grounding. Just noticing the breath in your body. Not any particular way... This miracle of breathing in and breathing out. And sometimes turning our attention there gives us a little break from some of the stories running around so much. Just breathing in in the body. Breathing out the body. We've also been exploring connecting with the heart and our deep intention in being here.

[08:29]

So I invite you to take just a moment to inquire into your own heart and what brings you here today? Can you find that somewhere? It might be words. It might be a feeling. It might be still kind of uncertain. But what is it? Maybe somewhere in that vicinity, asking the question, what do you really wish for yourself, for those that you love, for the world, for this living Earth? What's that deep heart wish? Imagine sending that out and those wishes being realized.

[09:37]

And it's from this place that we really practice. It's not just a practice that I do, but it's a practice that we do all together for everybody. And then there's simply opening to what we call just sitting, which is really simple and really kind of radical, which is just be here. Just really, really, really be here. Whatever you're noticing, whatever you're experiencing, realizing there's nowhere else to be but right here.

[10:57]

And when we do that, we may realize that, oh, everything is here with us too. It might have been your experience sometimes if you meet somebody who's like really here, you might remember it. Because then part of you is like, oh, I can really be here too. And it doesn't just have to be in the Green Gulch Sindhu. It can be with your beloved daughter or the person you meet in the grocery store or walking through the garden. As we come close to the end of our time, our week together, four days together, I'm so appreciating the gift, the incredible fortune to be able to have this kind of time or even for the time to come this morning to step outside of so many demands and

[12:30]

busyness and ideas of what we need to do and things we really do need to do. But to have this opportunity to just stop, to pause, to remember these things, to inquire, what's really happening here? What's really important? What do I really care about? Oh, and there's so many people who care about me There's so many people and life forms and circumstances supporting me too, just opening to that gratitude. I've been appreciating these four days, and as people have been hearing already, but I'll share a little bit more, I had a really wonderful opportunity to spend actually two whole weeks with

[13:32]

on a retreat immersed in nature up on the Lost Coast. So if you know Northern California, it's a part of the coast in Mendocino where the road goes inland because it's too rugged and wild, and it's a wilderness area, so it's very hard to get to, so it's called the Lost Coast. And so we had to hike up there, hike nine miles along the beach to get there. And really, truly being offline for those two weeks. And also we were holding what's called noble silence, which we did have Dharma talks and we could meet with teachers and such, but there was no social talking and most of the time we were in silence. Though most of my training has been in Zen, I also appreciate learning from different traditions.

[14:33]

And so this was a Vipassana retreat, an insight retreat focusing a lot on mindfulness. But also it was an earth nature practice retreat because we were in this incredible natural environment and camping. And there's so much dharma in just opening to the natural world. So there was this power of just coming back to the basics. So similar to what we just did of just coming back to the breath, being aware of the body, being aware of the environment, the sounds, the smells, touch. And in a way, it's so wonderful to have the support of this big protected room. It can get really cold and foggy out there and we can still keep sitting just fine. But in some ways, being present, aware, mindful in nature is a lot easier. Because it's actually a dynamic, but non-distracting really, but still dynamic environment to be in.

[15:42]

And there's a lot in Buddhism associated with nature. So the Buddha is said to have been born under a tree. And... was enlightened under a tree, the Bodhi tree, often taught under trees and died under a tree. So there's a lot out there in nature. And also, traditionally in India, when it was not the rainy season, in the rainy season, they would come in and have these retreats. But when it wasn't the rainy season, they would be wandering around, often practicing outdoors and forests and such. And there are many, you know... Monasteries, Zen monasteries tucked away deep in the mountains, or you hear of Zen hermits going off and subsisting on pine needles and things like that. But just going out or being outdoors can be very helpful. And as I said, we were camping.

[16:45]

So each morning, just as it was starting to get light, someone would walk around with a wake-up bell. Ding, ding, ding. And as I discovered the first morning, I had to get used to this. The first morning, no hot water, even for tea or coffee. And the idea, the encouragement was just get up out of your sleeping bag and start sitting outdoors. And there was something, I got used to it. There was something, it was okay. I could wait till breakfast for coffee and tea. It was okay. But there was also something really wonderful about that, just coming that liminal state between sleep and waking, and also that liminal moment of dark and light. There's an openness, a possibility there. And I know it's been sometimes challenging for people in the retreat to get up at the 4.30 and

[17:48]

But it's a long tradition in various contemplative traditions to really be practiced in those early hours. There's an openness when we haven't quite constructed the world or constructed our sense of self yet in the same way. And I found instead of just sitting on the lawn, which was lovely, I felt called to actually get up and walk several minutes down actually to the beach. So I was sitting on the sand and the water was right there. And then the mountains, the King Range coming up behind. And something about the simplicity of the elements, just all right there. And every day simply being there, whether it was going to be a sunny day or the fog was still in, just being there. One of the teachings that was offered to us, and you may have heard of this before, a traditional teaching of the four elements.

[19:02]

And if you were to divide this up in a modern scientific understanding, you might do it differently, but I find it quite helpful, which is this understanding of our body, because there's a mindfulness of the sensations and such, but there's also understanding like, oh, this is... This thing I call my body is made up of a lot of different things. And it's always changing. And it hasn't always been here. And it won't always be here. And we can study this in different ways. So one way to study this is something called the four elements. And the four elements are pretty basic. Earth, water, air, fire. And when you start to think about it, it's actually quite obvious, but we don't think about it that way. So if you think about the stuff you physically right now are made of, it literally is the same stuff in the garden out there or right outside or underneath us.

[20:13]

The same elements of carbon and minerals and various things. It's not any different. So if, you know, if I were to die right here and no one did anything, and then eventually I would like turn it back into dirt. You would too. And so there's something like, in a way, we're just kind of talking dirt. Earth somehow manifesting itself and we can think and talk, but we go back. I mean, this is not just in Buddhism. It's just the way it is. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, right? There are many, many things of this. And then, so just understanding that, oh, right. Yeah, and all of the atoms, we are 100% recycled product, right? We, like, all of our atoms have already been other things countlessly, will be other things, right? And then, you know, the water we drink.

[21:18]

This came from our spring, which came from the rain, which came from the clouds, which was evaporated water probably from the ocean, largely. And this will pass through my body. It will go back into the system. You know, we're in the water system. So all of the water in our body is really the same water. that we water the plants with, that's in the streams, that's in the ocean, that's in the rain. In the air we breathe. We breathe in oxygen, breathe out carbon dioxide. The trees breathe in carbon dioxide. They breathe out oxygen. You know, the animals are breathing in. The insects are breathing in. We're all breathing in. The winds are flowing. This is all the same flowing that we're part of this cycle.

[22:22]

And then the fire, what's called the fire element, is essentially energy coming from the sun. So we get to eat food, which is energy from the sun, made edible through plants, or animals eat the plants, we eat the animals, but it's the same. It's all energy from the sun. that is in different forms that will fuel our body. So then you start to think, well, what's me, my body, but my body is kind of everything, right? And it's moving and flowing, and it just, it's a different understanding. It shifts a little bit, the sense of me, mine, it's like, oh, right. I am all of these elements coming together and arising and changing in this way. And we'll go back. We will go back to this. And sometimes there are also two more elements mentioned, which is space, being aware of the spaciousness.

[23:35]

We're also in this vast universe, multiverse. or even right now, the space in our bodies, the space between atoms and consciousness, which is holding this awareness together. But back to the Lost Coast, one thing that I found was such a gift was there was so much wildlife. And one, it was a protected area, so I think that helped them feel comfortable. but also all of these meditators moving very, very slowly and quietly, the animals kind of get it. And one of the invitations from one of the instructors there was to also keep in mind, like, all those animals and even the trees and things, in a way, they know you're here. The swallows change their patterns a little bit. And the foxes know we're here. And the deer know we're here.

[24:36]

And like, oh yeah, we're in this field of awareness and consciousness. It's not just us and nature. It's a nice scenery. It's like, oh, we're in this living, interrelated being place. And so the deer would just kind of wander through. And we were doing walking meditation very slowly in the lawn. The little jackrabbit would just kind of like hop along. There were some ground squirrels and swallows making lots of babies and lots of noise, just like out here. Pelicans hunting, sea lions popping up. And I learned something, a traditional greeting in Unangan, or Alut, which is from Alaska. And it's a traditional greeting to other beings. It could be a person, animal, plant, or even sort of the wider living being, which is, it's called Ang Wan, which translates to, hello, my other self.

[25:40]

Hello, my other self. And I've been trying to remember to practice this. You know, it's, what happens when you meet a person? Oh, hello, my other self. Or your cat. Hello, my other self. Or walking outside and the swallow baby's out here. Oh, you too. Hello, my other self. And we're their other self, too. What happens when we have a consciousness that remembers that? And remember, we're all the same stuff. So this stuff might end up as swallow stuff later. And also I found in the midst of just so much life, it was so easy to see death. And this is another core teaching, is awareness of impermanence, awareness of change.

[26:46]

You know, as the Buddha said also, if death alone is certain, and the time of death alone, uncertain, how then shall I live? I'm going to say that again. If death alone is certain and the time of death uncertain, how then shall I live? So of course, death and life are always intertwining. It's not really a problem. And there can be real grief because we love each other. But somehow being in this natural environment with all of the wildlife, we also saw, like, there were deer and there were deer bones strewn about.

[27:50]

Or, oh, I loved seeing the brown pelicans. And then going for a walk one day, I looked down, oh, and there was the half-decomposed carcass of a pelican, which was also fascinating, you know, to see the long, that long bill, and oh, that's how it works. Or I saw the, they had a lot, still some feathers, some beautiful white downy feathers, and later I saw one of the swallows with one of those feathers putting it in its nest that it was making, you know. We made an altar of sorts because we were often sitting in a circle on the ground, doing the meditating on the ground. And so we started, the keystone of the altar that people started to make was this big, marvelous vertebrae of a whale right there. And then people could add whatever they encountered of beauty and wonder. So bits of kelp or there was...

[28:54]

like little bits of various shell, or these wonderful purple sea urchins were everywhere, so they were still kind of purple and spiny, and people would put that there. There was like a little delicate patterned wing of a beetle, or even there was a tiny spotted, I think, shell of a swallow, egg, bear, half of. And so we sat around all of that, this death and life and beauty. And one of our teachers was talking about a trip to Bhutan. And in Bhutan, they have what you may have heard of. Instead of burying people when they die, they have sky, what they call sky burials, where the platform is built and the body is put there with, of course, much ceremony and respect. And the vultures come, you know. And body becomes vulture. But she said it was, you know, it's very real, like body parts here and there.

[29:58]

You know, it's a very real thing. And this is a traditional Buddhist practice, too, to actually go to cemeteries, charnel grounds, to really realize, oh, this is what happens to the body. So I've been contemplating this. And... Unlike Zen retreats, where there's a schedule, and if it says, come to the Zendo, you come to the Zendo, or you're supposed to. Or we're walking, everybody's walking. There was a little more flexibility. Well, we're sitting, but if you would rather go walk to the beach and do your practice in nature, that's fine, too. So one day I walked down there by myself, and... I was just lying. I really like lying on the earth. I was lying in the sand for a while, just trying to be aware, listening, feeling it all. And then just really still for a while. And then I heard a helicopter. So I open my eyes, and the helicopter's going by.

[31:00]

But then what I see are six vultures circling. And I just lie there. And I close my eyes again. And then I open my eyes again and they're gone. But I look over and they're like not very far away. All looking at me. And they're checking me out. Like, well, is she injured? How close is she? Is this worth waiting for or not? This really was, you know, it's like, oh, this is real. And it made even more, actually we have vultures here, same thing really, but made even more real because it's a pretty wild area, right? You could imagine being by yourself and injured. You could imagine it, you know? And as I was lying there, I just thought, oh yeah, if I did just die right here, they would pick me clean.

[32:05]

They would. You know, and I even, especially the kind of gruesome, but it was kind of wonderful, too. I was literally imagining, like, would they go for the soft parts first? Or that, you know, like, you know, and it was, yeah. So I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, this is real. And then I just kept lying there, and I closed my eyes. And then they didn't come. Like, check out too much. And then when I looked again, they were gone. They're like, ah, nah. Yeah, she's got too much life in her still. that I vow to my vulture teachers. And that was one real part of the retreat I very much appreciated, was the invitation to just spend time opening in nature. And the more formal practices of being aware of body, breath, et cetera, supported that openness.

[33:07]

and our silence, and we can get very, very sensitive. It's hard to do when we really kind of have to close off a lot in our modern world because there's just too much coming at us, right? So to take a protected time and space to really cultivate awareness, mind, body, heart, and then we can really open and see what's there. We've done a little bit of this in this retreat. We took a nice walk up the back road, and we spent some time yesterday in the garden just opening, exploring. It becomes kind of childlike. Oh, wow, I never saw a flower like this before. And if you have a chance to go down to the garden, the dahlias are particularly wonderful. They're just to the left. I encourage it. And... One thing that happened during this nature time, during this retreat, was suggested we might find a particular living being.

[34:14]

So it could be a plant, or like a little insect, or a bird, or something, or a tree, some kind of being, and just be with that being for a while. And maybe open to learning, or exchange, or connection, or just being surprised. And as I was walking along, I saw this amazing stand of white flowers. I've learned they're called Matilia poppies, otherwise known as fried eggplant, which is a fried egg flower, which is not a terribly romantic name, but it kind of looks like it, these big, floppy, crepey kind of white flowers. petals and a big yellow center. There used to be some here. I'm not sure if they're still here, but there were bunches of them. It's a whole big stand. And as I was walking by with this thought in my mind, I thought, I think they're calling to me. So because I was on retreat and had all of this time and invitation, I just stopped and I just really stood there with the flowers and started really looking at the flowers.

[35:24]

And appreciating, oh, the texture of those petals and the yellowness of that center. And then like, oh, wait, now is that a bud about to open or is that the flower's already gone and it's a seed pod? So I got to notice that difference. And then like, okay, well, this flower's not quite open. Let me just look in there like, oh, there's a caterpillar which curled up really fast and fell to the ground. It's like, oh, okay, I'm sorry. Okay. And just realizing, oh, and there were a few other plants in there going on, and little insects. And like, oh, this is a whole living world here. And I kept through the day coming back and just standing with the flowers. And I even made a request. I said, I'm open, please teach me. Not knowing, have any idea what that would look like.

[36:27]

But just standing there, just being. And then, that evening, in the Dharma talk, one of the teachers read a poem. And I kid you not, I am not making this up. It was called White Flowers by Mary Oliver. You might know. And it's it. Last night in the fields, I lay down in the darkness to think about death. But instead I fell asleep, as if in a vast and sloping room filled with those white flowers that open all summer. sticky and untidy in the warm fields. When I woke, the morning light was just slipping in front of the stars, and I was covered with blossoms.

[37:35]

I don't know how it happened. I don't know if my body went diving down under the sugary vines in some sleep-sharpened affinity with the depths, or whether that green energy rose like a wave and curled over me, claiming me in its husky arms. I pushed them away, but I didn't rise. Never in my life had I felt so plush or so slippery, so resplendently empty. Never in my life had I felt myself so near that porous line where my own body was done with, and the roots and the stems and the flowers again. Never in my life had I felt myself so near that

[38:46]

chorus line where my own body was done with and the roots and the stems and the flowers began. I went back to the flowers and I said, that was pretty impressive. Thank you. And, uh, And I stood with them a little bit longer. Thank you to the kitchen, people who are going to make our lunch. And what we were talking about a minute ago, the four elements and the, oh yeah, we're all the same stuff. I could really feel like, oh, I might someday be you. You might someday be me. or something like me.

[39:46]

You are me. I am you. Hello, my other self. I think I'm going to take on a... practice of not just coming to the zendo every day and not even just going for a walk outside every day, but just really taking a little time, I hope every day, to sit down outside and really listen. really know there's no separation. Our world so needs this.

[40:50]

I think it's really at the root of so much of our pain and suffering. This separation from each other, from our deep heart, and from this wide field that is nothing really other than ourselves, and it is us. Teacher Shohaka Okamura says, if we open the hand of thought that grasps this person, me, as the center of the world, then our lives broaden and our hearts open to all beings. This is the basic teaching of Shakyamuni Buddha. If we open the hand of thought, that grasps this person, myself, oneself, as the center of the world, then our lives broaden and our hearts open to all beings.

[42:00]

This is the basic teaching of Shakyamuni Buddha. Again, thank you all for being here. I hope you step out into the world with somewhat fresh eyes and an invitation to find one other being at least and say, hello, my other self. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:01]

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