This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. A rainy day. did the rain dance and it didn't work. We thought, okay, how will we get rain? And then, of course, we realized the obvious. We'll order it on Amazon. So we called up Amazon. And a nice lady in Bangalore said, well, what kind of rain do you want?

[01:03]

She said, around here we have monsoons. They create utter havoc. Any semblance of normalcy, any semblance of order is swept away in a great flood. And I thought, hmm, no. And she said, okay. How about a rain shower? Heavy. So it pitter-patters across the roof, but not in a scary way. And then it fades into sort of a light drizzle that just causes wet drops to be splashing intermittently from the trees. Okay.

[02:07]

What happened? She said, same day deliver? She said, oh yeah. So here it is. And then she said, well, you know, it has its own kind of Delight and dismay. There's the delight. I mean, what's more delightful than the pitter-patter of rain on the roof while you're sitting snug eating your breakfast? And then the dismay. Even sunshine isn't permanent. Even a clear blue sky is just subject to coming and going.

[03:20]

In a flash, sort of like early summer is banished. And the spring rains have arrived. So, here we are. And for good measure, here's a poem by Tesla Maloche on the same topic. We were riding through the frozen fields in a wagon at dawn. A red wing rose in the darkness, and suddenly a hare ran across the road. One of us pointed at it with a hand. And that was long ago. Today, neither of them is alive. Not the hare, nor the man who made the gesture.

[04:21]

Where are they? Where are they going? The flash of the hand, the streak of movement, rustle of pebbles. I ask not out of sorrow, but out of wonder. Tozan's five ranks. You thought I'd never get to that, didn't you? No, it's just like the weather. out of nowhere, suddenly appears. Second rank. At dawn, the old woman finds the ancient mirror, immediate and intimate, but nothing in particular. There's no need to search for your own face.

[05:25]

In another version that I read, the old woman was grandmother, grandmother mind. The interesting way that Sashin wears us down so that even our demons are not so awful, are not so repulsive. They don't carry such a bitter signal of defeat. Okay, your mind wandered. Okay, your knee's hurting again. A sense of wonder. I ask not out of sorrow, but out of wonder. You know, that way, the moment set forth all sorts of constructs and they can set forth more constructs as long as we keep that party going they can reify they can reinforce old habits or they can sparkle

[07:03]

in the uniqueness of their occurrence right now. Sort of draws us into wonder. In our virtuous diligence, we pursue this magnificent goal. Even though it kind of intimidates us still. It's the right thing to do. We steady ourselves. We concentrate ourselves. We sit upright. We enter Buddha's way. This very mind is Buddha. And those demons, however you want to construe them, the workings of mind or the 11 o'clock camels.

[08:26]

I think I missed that one yesterday. So if we ever do walking meditation again and a camel comes charging at you just to Step aside. Step aside. Step on someone else. Maybe it's real, maybe it's not. Even our demons become more approachable, acceptable, In a strange way, our inability to take our mind and have it do what we want it to do, in a strange and wonderful way, it gives us a deep teaching.

[09:32]

It stirs up within us grandmotherly mind. I mentioned who's next door to me in the park. Could you really be embittered at him for his midnight rages? I doubt he was the one that started the war in Iraq. But probably nobody started the war in Iraq. Probably everywhere is started for the greater good. These are the necessary steps to pursue the greater good. In my homeland, we had 30 plus years of sectarian strife. And then when it was all over, we had a truth commission.

[10:42]

What actually happened that day In a peaceful march, the soldiers turned on the marchers and started shooting them. What happened? And here's what came out of the Truth Commission. The commander on the field called his commander. They had Batten charged the marcher several times, several days in a row, and darn it, they just wouldn't go away. They thought that their issue, the right to vote, was worth marching for. So he bat in charge of them a couple of days in a row, hadn't dispersed, called up the commander, and the commander said, do whatever is necessary.

[11:45]

The commander on the field thought that meant You know I can't say to you shoot them. But you know when I say do whatever is necessary, that's what I mean. So they shot them. And so 30 plus years of bombing, shooting, terrible things. Can you really hate anybody in the middle of that? Can you say, without hesitation, without reserve, I hold this person, this person, these people in hatred? Aren't we all susceptible to grandmother of mind?

[12:54]

Who doesn't have demons? This mysterious and wonderful way practice works us over. Of course, wars are domination. Of course, when that guy starts ranting at the top of his voice at two in the morning, I think, what the hell? I just got three or four hours sleep. Shut up. You know, As we start to bring the insight of Buddha, as we start to bring the bigger picture to this particular event, here it is.

[14:26]

Unique, singular, momentary. And usually, we almost immediately encase it in its relevance to the world according to me, to what it evokes for me in associated thoughts and feelings. And as our mindfulness, as our awareness starts to abide, holding each experience, In no mind, no Buddha. No conclusions. Who shall we hold up and castigate and direct our venom at for this war or that war or this wrongdoing or that wrongdoing?

[15:29]

with even thinking about wars what about when the person beside you forgets to pass the commercial heinous crime that is can your flash of annoyance be a flash of annoyance rather than reaching out and constructing a drama, a three-part play, a tragedy. Can it move more towards wonder? How many times have I rehearsed this drama?

[16:46]

Whatever your chosen drama is, are you the victim of injustice? Are you the subject of neglect, disrespect? Is too much asked of you? Is there no way, clear way forward through this great dilemma that you're in? Is the past unforgivable? Or is its pain and loss much to recover from. We look in the mirror and we see ourself.

[17:52]

We see the stuff that we've collected and declared it me. grandmotherly eyes. Okay, yeah. Remember once in Northern Ireland, we were doing some community work and this lady came and she just finished her PhD in mindfulness-based stress reduction. And she was talking to us about how this was really going to, like, take care of it. And I looked at the community worker who worked in that neighborhood, and we just looked at each other.

[18:56]

What can you say? She has a PhD in mindfulness-based stress reduction. And she's full of hope. Who knows? I wouldn't dispute her deep sincerity and good intentions. But I think grandmotherly mind adds Maybe it makes our zeal more tentative, but hopefully it makes our anguish, our concerns, our fears, our annoyances,

[20:11]

softens him up. Who doesn't forget the past of Gmasyam? Or some other terrible thing. And the hidden thing to watch for or the subtle thing to watch for is complacency. In our zeal, when we are alarmed at our missteps, when our demons truly dismay us and frighten us, It helps us maintain our fervor.

[21:13]

I will conquer this. I will do what it takes for the greater good. And then as our grandmotherly mind says, peace up, sunny boy. Sunny girl. Not to get too loose. Not to just, ah, whatever. So I forgot the Gamasio. No, play by the rules. Don't forget to pass the Gamasio. But if you do, no, don't get too upset. And if your partner forgot to pass it, well, And then, rather than complacency, can there be something like a soft zeal?

[22:30]

A soft, continuing efforting. Sometimes we call it effortless effort. Sometimes it's wonderful in Shashin that we do have monsoons. You're sitting there, and you don't know what the heck's going on. Am I relaxed and happy, or am I distressed? Do I want to sit here and have the bell never ring, or do I want it to ring next minute? What mind is this? Swirl in the rind. And then the bell rings and the world, according to me, finds its place again.

[23:38]

Reasserts itself. What can that be? How can everything fall apart and come to back together? How can your body ache so much and then the bell rings and you stand up and you're in a different body? What kind of existence is this? How can you suddenly see through one of your patterns that you've rehearsed and played through hundreds of times? And now you just see it for what it is. So in this rank, in Tal San... By the way, the only time

[24:54]

As far as I can see, that Dogen mentions Tozan's five ranks in the Shobu Genzo is to say they're not five ranks. Or to say, Tozan's teachings on the ranks are not one, two, three, four, five. And actually he doesn't explain himself very much either. which works for me. I don't think any one of us has a linear mind. It goes simply step by step through anything. We're concentrated in presence, in the middle of our concentration and presence.

[25:56]

forget something the next detail so what I'm trying to say in a very peculiar way as sheen works is over as it smooths off some of our rough edges, as it dissipates some of our determined strategies, that out of that we can bring a different kind of diligence.

[27:04]

Still, we sit up straight. Still, we study the inhale and the exhale. Still, we attend to the arising mind. The details of the forms. So much notion of gain or loss or success or failure. Whatever it is, however it is, this very mind is Buddha. Because as we're being worked over by the rigors of it all, worked over by our own moments of clarity and our own moments of confusion. We open up a little and then glimpse.

[28:13]

We've opened up this much, but it's boundless. The grandmotherly mind sets a tone. It looks in the ancient mirror and it sees the human condition. Okay. Now to the important stuff. Xur Yi's developments. Well, after demons, we have disorders. And if you haven't noticed that you have disorders, you haven't been watching carefully. It's very interesting what happens to mind and body and the interplay between them as we give over to this yogic process of connecting to body, breath, mind.

[29:38]

And the synergy between them and the energy that flows through them all. Sometimes a pronounced pain, a nagging pain behind your left shoulder blade. someone has left a knife in there. And how it not only inhibits your breathing but it causes an ambience of distress. How do you practice with that?

[30:41]

Can you turn this human body into a 16-foot golden Buddha? Can you, with diligent effort, infuse it with enough energy that it floats vibrant like liquid jewel. Is that the solution to the frailty of the human condition or physical form? Jury being The thorough person that he is, he has an extensive list of disorders.

[31:53]

You might want to remember some of these so next time you're feeling sorry for yourself, rather than just think, well, I have this problem and this problem, you'll be able to go through like maybe 15 or so problems that you have. You have disorders of the elements. each of the elements, a lack that affects you in a different way. I'll give you a sampler. Too much earth, you have swelling, obstruction, submersion, heaviness. Or, if it goes the other way, emaciated. It's 101 maladies that can arise in relationship to this. Too much fire, the joints become painful, respiration is affected, urination, defecation may not occur with the normal ease.

[33:02]

I didn't make that up. In summary, When a single great element is out of adjustment, any of 101 disorders may arise. When all four of the great elements are out of adjustment, any of 404 disorders may be simultaneously activated. And that's just the elements. Then you have the organs. lungs, liver, spleen, kidney. Treating disorders. Understand the origin of the disorder and see its constructed nature.

[34:08]

Maybe in summary we can say, don't make things worse. David Chadwick told me a little mantra he made up once, and he said, when in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. LAUGHTER I think the teaching here is not that. I think the teaching here is, can you hold it as it is? Can you get in touch with this? So it is. So is the nature of this human condition. How did grandmother get to be so wise and so compassionate?

[35:24]

She saw a lot of stuff going down. Good stuff, bad stuff. A lot of things done in the name of the greater good. We live and we die. Our bodies are frail. And yet, this amazing process of attending and letting the attention stimulate release This is the great gift of the Buddhadharma.

[36:28]

That even on a practical level, as the body releases, as the breath releases, as the mind releases, there is healing. But not to skip over it. I remember once a therapist saying to me as I was skipping over my distress with the good Buddhist admonition, he said, don't be precocious. Let's go back a step to your distress. So we sit with what arises.

[37:35]

As it is. And we learn something about healing. We learn something about not making matters worse. Okay, I'll sit here and I'll poke at that wound and I'll poke at it and I'll poke at it. Doesn't help. I'll tighten the body. I'll agitate the mind. Not to say... You know, we have that thought and say, radio, here I go. You know, that impulse comes up for us to do that. But with grandmother mind, with its innate compassion, can there be...

[38:57]

tender-hearted approach to your disorders. Just let the breath in. Don't let the pain squeeze you out of your own being. squeezes you out of your own being, well, there's another breath coming. You can try again. Don't let the mind spin off into dissociation or distraction. Stay with this uncomfortable state. This very mind is Buddha.

[40:07]

How else will we hear the baby's cry? In a way, can we make zazen, can we make awareness Can we bring ourselves to a place where being present, where being aware is a more appealing response to the human condition than all the usual karmic strategies we have developed? If you think about it, it's an intriguing proposition you know if we're trying to be aware and something in us is saying I don't want to do this you know I want to fantasize I wonder whatever you know it's a very difficult proposition but when awareness becomes

[41:30]

when awareness becomes appealing then the whole proposition starts to happen in the context of what we might call effortless effort you know when the mind settles when the distractions and when the mind settles and becomes concentrated the object of attention becomes attractive. So with concentration we can come into this territory, but we can also support it with this benevolent attitude. And when we support it with this benevolent attitude, then instead of part of our energy going to draw us back from the wonderful land of there and then, the energy can attend to now, to this very being.

[42:50]

And with the softness of grandmotherly mind, there's nothing to prove. So be it. This is how it is. There's no great goal. There's no great war that has to be fought. No great evil that has to be conquered. This human existence is what it is. This is what we're doing. And then we can return to the basics. We can return to allowing the inhale. And we can see that right in that simple practice, accepting what is. Allowing the inhale can cascade through the body

[43:58]

releasing, softening, opening, releasing with the exhale. Everything passes away. The interplay between the two, the attention that can turn from accepting to releasing has a pliability, a versatility. When the territory of what's arising in awareness is becoming attractive, then the more subtle or the more the settled demeanor of shikkhantaza starts to appear.

[45:03]

Just sitting. The practicality of shikkhantaza is when the impulse is to go off there and then, it's not possible to sit in the now. We're too busy running after there and then. bringing that back, that attention. Watching this interplay, feeling this interplay of body and breath, and watching of a human life ripple through it. The moments of singular presence that avail themselves to wonder.

[46:19]

The murmurings our collective karmic complexes. Sometimes it seems all we can do is just breathe into it. It's a bit. To notice, acknowledge, experience. You can add contact in there. Notice, acknowledge, contact. And not to be confusing, as the mind settles, all that can happen in a fraction of a second. We're not talking about introducing cognitive mind and letting it run the show. We're talking about the territory of experiencing.

[47:32]

We're talking about the disposition towards awareness. A willingness to experience. It arises rather than habituated pattern of processing, experiencing do you see the sign to the rain does it have an emotional component Is it moving in some direction? And experiencing that which is being experienced can come to life.

[48:47]

And it supports awareness in the moment. When I'm doing awareness, it's a lot of work. When there's an availability and an opening, it's just what's happening. And grandmotherly mind just sees What is? Okay. Maybe I'll read Chesla Mawash's poem just to calm you down a little bit. I know that was pretty exciting.

[49:51]

We were riding through the frozen fields in a wagon at dawn. A red wing rose in the darkness, and suddenly a hare ran across the road. One of us pointed to it with his hand. That was long ago. Today, neither of them is alive. Not the hare, not the man who made the gesture. Where are they? Where are they going? The flash of a hand, the streak of movement, the rustle of pebbles, I asked not out of sorrow, but in wonder. Did this rain really come from Amazon? And where did the sunny day go? In what ways are you different when it rains than from when the sun shines?

[51:15]

Don't start thinking about it. Notice. It's very interesting when something in us sort of shifts. The whole world supports us to practice. Even the rain says, okay, I'll show you how to do it. Just watch me beam rain. Watch the way I splash and clatter on the roof. Make the ground wet. No idea of success or failure. When I rain, I rain.

[52:23]

And when it stops, where did it go? Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge. and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click Giving.

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