This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I recently returned from a pilgrimage pilgrimage in Spain called the Camino, the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, which is an ancient pilgrimage in Europe, over a thousand years old. And there's many different paths to Santiago, which is a town in Galicia in northwest Spain.

[01:10]

And the reason for over a thousand years, people have been going on this pilgrimage. I can't say, actually. Compostela means field of stars. And Camino is a walk. And there's various ways to do it. The group I was with did 11 days on what's called the French route. We didn't start in France. We started in Spain and walked for 11 days. But that route begins in Spain and goes over the Pyrenees. It begins in France and goes over the Pyrenees into Spain. But there are other routes, some much more difficult, some from Portugal.

[02:22]

So what's waiting in Santiago are Santiago, that's St. James Santiago, the relics of Santiago, who supposedly was a pilgrim. So I wanted to talk about this practice of pilgrimage. In the light of or. informed by or together with the terrible, painful, horrendous situation that we find ourselves in in terms of war.

[03:24]

So my effort this morning is to weave weave those together in some way. I've felt to give the talk without addressing the trauma of what's going on would be a kind of bypassing. And at the same time, that is not what I want to completely focus on. So it will be a weaving As best I can. So I wanted to start. And say a few things about this practice of pilgrimage. A pilgrim. And we're about to celebrate Thanksgiving. Where the pilgrims came. That's pilgrim with a capital P. Or this sect of Puritans.

[04:28]

You know called the pilgrims. But pilgrim is. One who embarks on a quest conceived as sacred. That's a dictionary definition. Conceived as sacred. And it's also a term for any traveler. And I would think any traveler who travels this life is a sacred person. A sacred journey. So in that way, we're all pilgrims. It's also a journey to a sacred place, a pilgrimage. It's a journey to a sacred place. And one might ask, what place is not sacred?

[05:30]

How about this step? How about walking into the Zendo? So any kind of journey or search that has a purpose could be called a pilgrimage. One thing about pilgrims' pilgrimage, often they wear something that shows they're on a pilgrimage. And I think for the Santiago, Camino de Santiago, what people wear, and almost everyone I met on the road was wearing a shell, a scallop shell, either around their neck or on their backpack or on a bracelet or some shell.

[06:40]

And the signs that helped us find our way for the 11 days through these tiny villages and through forests and over waters. The sign to look for was a shell with a yellow arrow underneath it. That's what you look for. And it will, those yellow arrows with the shell, a kind of design of a scallop shell, shows the way for hundreds of miles in all these different directions coming to Santiago. So what I didn't know about going on this Camino was the feeling of community that would happen with strangers, with fellowship on the road.

[07:53]

And I was walking with a group of 12 women, all in their older years, except for one of the leaders. And it was challenging. It was challenging physically. It was challenging emotionally. There was anxiety. Can I do this? Will I hurt myself? What about my knees and hips? And before going, there was a lot of preparation, myriad preparations. getting the right shoes and walking sticks and you know supplements and electrolytes and backpacks and there's a Zen teacher who says myriad kinds of preparation are a waste of time adapting to everything becomes

[09:05]

A fine skill. So this trying to prepare and cover all the bases and what might happen and what if and. Especially right at the threshold. Of leaving got very intense for a lot of people. And this may you may resonate with this. I think what it reminded me of is the story of the Buddha's life when he resolved, Shakyamuni Buddha, resolved to sit under the Bodhi tree and not move until he realized his true self. And that resolve in clarity constellated, speaking of stars, constellates Mara, constellates as we were told by the leaders of this Camino, demons at the threshold, where right before leaving, things happen that seem to be making it more difficult, making it maybe impossible.

[10:28]

And this happened to a number of people. You know, And for me, my back and knee kind of went out where I thought, well, I can't even walk. How am I going to do this? And someone else had a kind of complete loss of kind of chi or energy due to personal loss and felt they couldn't go. And it was the same almost for everyone. demons at the threshold is making, needing to make a big effort to actually set out. And this may be not just walking a Camino, but embarking on something that's new for you.

[11:34]

a new job, doing a practice event, doing a practice period, which we're in the middle of, and sitting meditation retreats. And right at that beginning, there may be things that come forward to seem to prevent us or make it more difficult, challenge us in very deep ways. And myriad kinds of preparations are a waste of time. You can't necessarily think of everything. And that's how it was, I think, for me. What I was saying about community, all these people on the road walking for various reasons with various intentions, from all over Indonesia, China, Japan, Italy, South America, all over Spain, all over Europe, and people walking, groups, people alone with their shell, you know.

[12:55]

And each person, and I'm not exaggerating, each person who passed me or who I passed would say, They didn't bow, but it felt like a bow. They said, buen camino. You know, wishing a good walk. Wishing, you know, this feeling of wishing well. Well-being being offered. And the strangers all were comrades, brothers and sisters, friends on the road. Fellowship on the road. And people would help one another, strangers. Somebody was stopping and do you have bandages for your feet? What's happening with your feet? And do you need water? And somebody might need food. Here's some trail mix. This happened like all the time.

[13:58]

And even though I walked alone. Literally, my gait was much slower than the group I was with being. I'm not exactly sure. I am on the short side, and there were taller people, but even people not that much taller had a longer gait, and pretty soon they'd just pull away. And we were really cautioned to walk at our own pace. Don't try to keep up with somebody. Don't hold back. Find your own rhythm because it was long. You know, it was miles and miles every day. So I did find my own rhythm and ended up being in solitude a lot of time with, you know, alone with others because people would pass. Buen Camino. I didn't feel alone, alone or lonely, but I was in solitude.

[14:59]

Mile after mile. So while I was walking and. This question and this came up at the beginning of the Camino. What is one's intention? Why are you going on pilgrimage? And this brings up a very beloved Koan Zen story. Case 20 in the Book of Serenity that is commented on by many, many, many Zen teachers over the years, including our most famous founder who cites it, chooses it for his collection of koans without commentary, but also does a Dharma discourse where he brings it up and another, one of our Founders in Japan, Eihei Dogen.

[16:03]

So this koan, I'm going to tell you this koan, and many of you probably know it. It's called Not Knowing is Most Intimate, or Not Knowing, it's also translated as Not Knowing is Nearest. So this story is about... a Zen teacher named Fayan Wenyi, who is, there's a few renditions of it, but he's walking on pilgrimage with others, with fellow monks. And it's one story of, version is he and his other monks are caught in a snowstorm and they end up finding the temple of the teacher Jitsan.

[17:07]

Jitsan means earth store in Japanese it's Jizo which is the name of this standing figure behind the earth store bodhisattva Jitsan who is known for compassion and protecting travelers, actually, and children, children who have died. So they end up at Ditsan's temple in the snowstorm. And Ditsan asks Fayan, where are you going? And Fayan says, I'm going on pilgrimage. And Ditsan said, what is the purpose of pilgrimage? And Fayan said, I don't know. And Ditsan says, not knowing is most intimate.

[18:11]

Not knowing is most intimate. So you may have heard that phrase, not knowing is most intimate. And one may take up that phrase and turn it and breathe with it. What is that? Not knowing is most intimate. So at the beginning of this pilgrimage, we were asked, what is your intention? And each person, it was like a circle of 12 of us, talked about what was going on and how it was they came to go on this pilgrimage. And there were maybe four people who had lost a significant loved one, either a life partner, a husband partner, a family member, a teacher.

[19:19]

There was loss, and some of their reasons were to integrate that loss, to meet that loss in some way with their bodies, walking, without trying to figure it out. And there were others, I think, who had a more religious, were Catholic, And, you know, we're going with those kinds of wishes of making this pilgrimage and probably asking for help. And when it came to me, and also leading up, I've been asking myself, what is this about? And this koan. is what I ended up saying in the group.

[20:24]

Not knowing is most intimate. I don't know. I don't know. And at the same time, I felt compelled. Maybe it sounds too obsessive, but broad, wanting to do this walk. for the sake of the great earth and living beings and loved ones. And that's what ended up happening, dedicating each day and each step to those as well as those known and unknown and the great earth became who the walking and the Camino was dedicated to. Now, unplanned for, what ended up happening for me was I began to chant to myself in my mind as I was walking.

[21:34]

And, of course, walking and chanting kind of go together a kind of kinesthetic. practice of walking meditation, really. And a number of chants were part of my walking. One was Jisoo's chant, which is the mantra of Jisoo, which I just think of as sending out compassion, asking for compassion in this troubled world. Ka-ka-ka-kabisan-mae-so-wa-ka. Very easy to walk to that. And then the other thing that came up as to chant, right from the beginning, was the vows of Ehe Dogen, which is a longer chant.

[22:40]

And we chanted saying, we vow with all beings, From this life on throughout countless lives. To hear the true Dharma. That upon hearing it no doubt will arise in us. Nor will we lack in faith. That upon meeting it we shall renounce worldly affairs. And maintain the Buddha Dharma. And that in doing so the great earth and all living beings together. Will attain the Buddha way. And it goes on from there. And that. that arose for me, not knowing that that would be the theme, really, of the walking, vowing to hear the true Dharma. And in doing so, all beings and the greater would attain the awakened way. So these were surprises to me.

[23:46]

I didn't plan on that. That's what arose for me. That was what became what was in accord with what was going on for me. And each person, even with all the planning and the myriad preparations, maybe what they thought was different from what it was. It had to be because we can't know what it will be and what we'll need. and will arise. That's the mystery of our life. So, in this story, when Dietzan said, where are you going? Bayan said, around on pilgrimage. What is the purpose of pilgrimage? I don't know. And Dietzan said, Not knowing is most intimate.

[24:46]

And at that point. Payan was greatly, greatly realized. His true self. Now. This not knowing is most intimate. Can be. Misunderstood can be used in a kind of, what shall I say, in a way that is turning away from our life rather than meeting our life without preconceptions, bias, prejudice, and fixed ideas. This not knowing as most intimate, you know, it resonates with Suzuki Roshi saying in the expert's mind, you know, there are a few possibilities.

[25:59]

We're just filled with we know. We know how it is. We know about this person. We know who's right. We know who's wrong. And holding to that, holding to fixed views. separates us into I know what's going on and you don't. So the not knowing is most intimate allows us to open to what is before us. With a kind of humility. And a groundedness. This I don't know and not knowing mind and don't know mind comes up in our Zen practice.

[27:00]

Very, very, you know, like. One of the first cases in the Blue Cliff Record about Bodhidharma. When asked after an exchange with the emperor. of China, who is the emperor says, who are you? And he says, I don't know. I don't know. And this I don't know is not I'm stupid or confused or it touches the actual state of our being. Not knowing is most intimate. There's a quote from Suzuki Roshi, a student says, you keep talking about the first principle, the first principle. I don't understand what the first principle is.

[28:03]

And Suzuki Roshi says, the first principle is, I don't know. So this, this caring for this, I don't know. And finding out how this functions in our daily life. A mind of I don't know or not knowing. Allows us, helps us to meet the situation. Whatever it might be. Whether it's loss. Meeting with a troubled person. discomfort, illness, sickness, to have a mind that is open to what is this right now rather than I know and I know how to fix it or I know what to say even.

[29:11]

In the Pali Canon, the Buddha, Shakyamuni Buddha, is asked by a disciple all these questions like, is there an afterlife? And is, you know, there eternity? And just all these very, very basic questions. And the Buddha does not answer them. He doesn't answer. Instead, He won't say it's this or that. He won't land in, yes, there is an afterlife. No, there's not. He instead says what we do, he offers a practice, and the practice is observing and recognizing, seeing and recognizing. Rather than, I know that it's this way. And from those practices of seeing and observing.

[30:21]

We meet the situation. So the. You might say that there's a term called the near enemy. There's wonderful spiritual practices, you know, compassion, equanimity, sympathetic joy, loving kindness. And along with those practices, there's what's called the near enemy, which seems to look like equanimity, for example, but it's actually indifference. And it might look the same at first, calm, maybe. But equanimity is not indifference. Equanimity is calm, including compassion and loving kindness.

[31:25]

Not indifference, but it might look the same. And sympathetic joy, the near enemy, is hypocritical. Oh, isn't that wonderful? Sympathetic joy when actually you don't mean that. So the near enemy is something to be very clear about in our own practices, the possibility of the near enemy. So the near enemy in this teaching of don't know or not knowing is most intimate is a kind of holding to grasping don't know mind. This is a kind of near enemy because it looks like a Dharma teaching. And this is true of all Dharma teachings. They can have a way of using them unskillfully and not the way they were meant to be used, like lots of different tools.

[32:30]

If you use, I don't know, a chainsaw in the wrong way, you're in big trouble, right? But it doesn't mean we stop using. tools, various tools. So this teaching of I don't know, not knowing is most intimate, can be grasped as a stance that we take. I don't know. And that's like my spiritual stance. And I don't want to know. And I just go along practicing every day, but I don't want to hear. This is a kind of near enemy of the teaching of taking each step of our life grounded in I don't know.

[33:32]

And I am open. I listen. I see. I recognize. I'm curious. I want to. be open to what's happening to hold to don't know mind as that's you know don't i don't know it's not knowing is most intimate so that's the best practice most intimate but let's not fool ourselves i don't want to fool myself so in in you know, bringing this turning of this teaching to what's going on. I'm thinking of the war in the Middle East. And many of us have lived through different wars in the Middle East and other wars.

[34:41]

Vietnam and in the Ukraine, there's war. The world is on fire. The world is in war. Has there ever... When has there been a time of peace? This is... We can turn this. And being in Spain, you know, there was a kind of firsthand encounter with, you know, thousands of years of... wars and religious wars and expulsions of whole communities and thousands of people, you know, this unfolding over time, over millennia.

[35:41]

So, you know, How do I, as a practitioner, as someone who wants to walk with compassion, how do I relate to what's happening and get to the most basic teachings and to What I've found is to hold to any particular narrative or side that the narratives are endless. How do I stay with what I understand as the hub, the poisons, the three poisons of greed?

[36:50]

hate and delusion that turns the wheel of war and how do I enliven compassion for the traumatized beings, the intergenerational trauma of thousands of years and try to see observe and recognize without pointing fingers and suffering with. So to say, well, I don't know about anything and I don't want to know is a kind of spiritual bypassing, to use a phrase, or a kind of Holding to not knowing. Rather than true knowing.

[37:54]

True knowing is. Being able to be. Without. As it says in the. Prajnaparamita. Sutras. to stand with no basis. The bodhisattva takes their place without a basis, without grasping to anything. But this also doesn't mean being grasping after the absolute or emptiness. This is flowing. And when asked, to recognize and see and observe, to be able to, rather than to say, well, I don't, it's all empty.

[39:00]

I don't look at these things. That's cruelty. That's using the teachings, you know, and grasping the teachings rather than seeing and observing. And according with conditions. What is asked for now? Mourning with, grieving with, suffering with. Understanding. And also in trauma. Our own trauma. Being able to. Take care of ourselves. and stabilize ourselves and regulate, to use a word, be able to regulate and calm ourselves to be able to be there for others who are in the throes of trauma. This going on pilgrimage is recommended.

[40:16]

You know, the Buddha on his deathbed recommended visiting particular holy spots in his life. And we chant that for our ceremonial meals in the Zendo. We chant a chant where it says Buddha was born in Kapilavastu, enlightened in Magadha, taught in Varanasi. enter nirvana at Kushinagara. And those four places are recommended, were recommended by the Buddha to visit in one's lifetime as a pilgrimage, as a spiritual journey, visiting sacred spots. But many of us will never be able to make that pilgrimage. Probably some of you maybe have visited India. And maybe we wouldn't be able to do it on foot. But this, you know, encouragement to make pilgrimage to me is not just these particular sacred spots that have been named, but make our life a pilgrimage, make our own bodies the clothing of the pilgrim.

[41:38]

To make each step a step for peace and fellowship and living for the benefit of others. There's a term called penzan, which means... Everywhere, widely, that's the hen, and the zan means to visit. Hen zan is to visit widely, to visit teachers. We can visit on the Internet many, many teachers and teachings. So this hen zan is called this widely visiting, but also it means all-inclusive study. So making of our life. hands-on or an all-inclusive study of meeting our life with this mind of pilgrimage.

[42:54]

So I think I wanted to just One other thing that I found for me on the pilgrimage was in terms of not knowing is most intimate. There was a day that was the longest day in the itinerary. It was a 14-mile day, and I had really geared up for that day. And, you know, can I make it? Some people felt they couldn't, and they took a ride for half of it. And I set out that day walking, walking, walking. And when we got to what I thought was the end, the 14 miles, it wasn't over. There had been some mistake in the itinerary or something, but it was like another three miles or something. And I realized it was so, that was what was difficult. Not the walking, not that it was another three miles.

[44:07]

But I had, it was a setup. I had set myself up for, it's going to be over. I'm going to complete it by then. And oh, thank goodness I made it. And even though it was difficult and challenging, many, many, many hours. But no, it wasn't over. And that was what was hard. Rather than just one more step, one more breath, one more chant. That was not the difficult part. And so I realized this myriad kinds of preparations are a waste of time. Thinking I knew when I'd get there and how and how. Just let it go and open to what this day brings. And that actually relieved me for the rest of the camino of a kind of burden I was carrying of I got this I know what's coming it's not true and letting go of it was a kind of blessing thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive

[45:33]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[45:47]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_98.14