This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I'm always surprised. Kind of the feeling of wholeness being here. And I think there's something about... the land. You know, when you spend a long time in a small valley, this is like this at Tassajara, too, if you've been there, you know, and you just keep moving through that space over and over in the layers and the layers of experience and sitting and practice and chanting and people that somehow when I come here, I feel like, oh, this is my body. This actual place is not just like, oh, I'm here now at Green Gulch, and that's great.

[01:00]

It's like being fully embodied, and it's a wonderful feeling. So I just want to somehow say welcome to Green Gulch. Welcome to this valley. Welcome to Green Dragon Temple. And welcome, even if you live here, even if you've lived here a decade or more, still welcome. Now, what is it like to actually fully arrive here freshly, right now? I'm curious. I know some people live here and some people don't or have come from far away or come often.

[02:02]

I'm curious, how many people are here for the very ever first time? Okay, great. Wonderful. Thank you. Curious, if you don't live here, how many people out in your life, wherever that is, you have some practice in your life, whether it's being mindful in a daily way, it could be formal sitting. It could be loving kindness, any kind of conscious practice life you're trying to bring into your daily life. Anybody like that? Okay, great. Wonderful. And anybody, like, I don't know quite how I got here, but I, you know, what this is, but I'm willing to, like, check it out. Anybody totally brand-new to this kind of stuff? Be brave. Okay, cool. Yay. Good. Thank you. Before I jump in a little bit more, I'd like to lead us in a little practice, just to even more fully arrive. And you can sit however you're sitting.

[03:05]

And if you'd like, you can lower your eyes a moment. My invitation is to notice what is it like just to stop. No right or wrong, no special way of doing anything. Simply opening to the fullness of your experience right now. You may hear sounds, you may have sensations in your body.

[04:16]

And we have thoughts running around all over the place. You might feel calm. You might like it, you might not. What's it like just to notice? What do you notice? Feel yourself seated on the chair or cushion. Feel your bodily weight, that pressure or gravity. Feel your feet, especially if you're in a chair, feeling them on the floor, the ground.

[05:18]

in your breath. How do you know that you're breathing? Where do you feel it? As you breathe in and out, is there any slight adjustment maybe your body wants to make? Maybe softening the shoulders, opening of the chest, softening of the face. What if you give yourself permission to be fully present here in your body? Breathing in, expanding, breathing out, really letting go. of anything extra. Fully arriving.

[06:34]

And as you sit here, can you open your awareness to include the presence of everyone in the room? all of us here together. Does anything feel different when you do that? What about when you expand to include the land all around us supporting us, the valley, the trees, beautiful flowers, the hills stretching away. Can you feel yourself here in this land? And aware of the ocean just

[07:52]

Just down the path, the vast ocean, the creek. And then far beyond the city, other cities stretching away other lands. as we're here together, I want to ask you to ask yourself, what really brings you here right now? What is that inner request? Is there any deep longing that's not being met?

[08:53]

or any deep aspiration. Finally, simply an appreciation for yourself, for being here. or listening to whatever that is. And to close altogether, if you will, taking a deep, full breath in and a long breath out. And gently opening your eyes fully. If you need to stretch a little bit or something, you can do that too. Notice also if anything feels different after that or not.

[10:10]

But also knowing that that simple stopping, that even simply taking one full, deep, conscious, expanding breath and letting go brings you back into where you always were, but brings you back into right now. Right now. Right now. And when you're in right now, you can listen in. What's important? What's the innermost request? What needs to happen right now? And you don't need to be in a Zendo to do that. I was thinking about this in the land.

[11:18]

I was remembering my family. We used to live actually in the little white house, just right over here, where Stefantimo lived. It was a wonderful place to live. And we had a really great cat. And some of you might remember this cat. Her name was Caramel, or is Caramel, and she's orange and white. And When we moved to the city, we couldn't take her with us. And so she's now with Wendy Johnson. Some of you may know her just down the road. So I think she's still very happy, I think. But we would go for little walks around, you know, the garden and the land and such. And this was a kind of cat who would actually follow us, kind of like a dog does. And that was nice and fun. And then sometimes we would actually venture into the edge land, the wild land up the hill a little bit. And she would still follow us, but suddenly her body would get lower and her hair would go straight up and her tail would get really big and go straight back.

[12:20]

And she would be like this because she could smell the wildness. You know, she could smell the foxes and the bobcats and the coyotes. And we were totally oblivious, but she actually could sense. She had this aliveness of sense of what was there. And there also used to be a boy who came, I don't know, he was about 11, and his mom would bring him. And he was being homeschooled because he had this just uncanny openness to the natural world. He could perceive so much and was so interested and so alive. He had long blonde hair and was just so into it. And he said, his mother explained, she said, you know, a classroom is not a healthy place for him. that he just shut down, but somehow when you put him out in this wild land, he was completely open and alive and connected, and we walked around with him one day, and there's some flowers with big green kind of swords-like spiky leaves that I'd walked past a million times, and we kind of walked through there, and he knew he could open that up and find all the little tree frogs that were in the leaves that I had no idea were there, and I couldn't even see when I looked.

[13:39]

But somehow he could see them. And he could tell all about the different crabs and sea life and birds. So what are the ways that we're not alive to our life? What are the things that dull our senses? What are the things that dull our heart? What does it take to wake up to this miraculous moment? And that's what this place is built for, actually, is that chance, that possibility, very simply, very profoundly, to wake up. for our life.

[14:41]

been thinking about is something very traditional in Buddhism. This notion of what do we rely on? What do we take refuge in? And you may have heard, or maybe not, of Triple Treasure or the Three Jewels. And those very basically are Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. It's been said that actually without these three, there's no Buddhism. This is somehow fundamental. And there's some tradition of if you simply take refuge, I take refuge in Buddha, I take refuge in Dharma, I take refuge in Sangha, then that means that that's how you say, yes, I want to follow this particular path. And there are different layers of them.

[16:14]

So on one hand, it's very historical, you know, the actual historical Buddha, monks, original teaching. There are other layers of how it's been passed on over time. And then also even vast layers where they tend to even become the same thing, you know, Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. And I keep circling back to these. When I first had my, ages ago, I had had some exposure to Zen, but not very much, just a little. And I found myself in Thailand. This was in the early 90s, a long time ago. And I had been traveling around Asia for about five months. And at the very end of my trip, I found myself in Thailand for a little while. And I had about a few weeks left, and I was sitting around a guest house near Chiang Mai and wondering what I should do with my extra time. And... Somebody said, well, you know, there's a cooking class, or there's Thai massage, or there's various things.

[17:17]

And this one guy said, I just came back from this practice place, this monastery, about 15 minutes outside of town, and they accept Westerners. Maybe you want to do that. So I got in a little tuk-tuk, you know, those little vehicles. And I went out and I checked it out. And I ended up doing that, and I stayed there for a month. And it was very intense. And it was, you know, you had your own little... cinderblock room with a bed, which basically was a few boards, and very simple. And every morning around 3.30, really early, it was quite a show. Basically, the big bell would start bong, [...] and the chicken, the roosters would start crowing, and the dogs would start baying. So this was your wake-up bell. And then we would go up, and it was a stupa, white stupa, built in 1492. And you could sit in your room or outside, and it was basically like an hour sitting, an hour walking, hour sitting, hour walking, pretty much all day for a month.

[18:21]

And some chanting and things. But at the end of that experience, when I was heading back to my unfolding regular life, graduate school, all that, United States, I remember getting back in the tuk-tuk. you know, this little vehicle to take me back into town. And the refuges kept coming through my body and mind. And it was in Pali. I don't remember the exact tune, but it's, you know, what we do here, it's sort of like, buddham saranam gacchami, dhamam saranam gacchami. Sangam saranam ga chami. Somehow it was in my body. And it stayed there. And even though I started regular life again and started graduate school and all that, it was working on me, working in me the whole time.

[19:26]

So by the end of my freshman year, my first year in graduate school, I thought, I want to take a couple of weeks and just like do some more practice. So guess what? I came here thinking it was only going to be for a couple of weeks. And I ended up leaving graduate school and going to Hasahara. So here I am. So there's a depth and a power in these things. But I'd like to do something that we often don't do in this format, but I have permission, which is I'd like you to think for yourself What do you take refuge in when things are hard? What do you turn to? And it could be chocolate. I'm making chocolate. You know, it could be walks in the hills. It's very wholesome to do that, you know, nature. It could be, are there relationships? Are there stories about yourself, who you are, or who you were in the past?

[20:30]

Are there things that are not so healthy? So think for yourself for a moment. what are the things that you turn to, that you rely on? Either simple things or more profound. And I'd like you to actually find someone near you. I'm going to give you just really a couple of minutes, and I won't ring the bell in between, so you have just a couple of minutes total. You know, you can say, hi, I'm Meg or whatever, but don't say, oh, yeah, come here often, blah, blah, blah, blah. Really use this time. Can you articulate to another person what do you take refuge in? What do you rely on? And really listen to another person. And again, it's just for a couple of minutes, and I'll signal to the Doan to ring the bell. Okay. All right, please go ahead. And if it's a threesome, that's okay, too.

[21:32]

So I believe it's like, I haven't thought of one of them since. That way it comes out from the same. No, I don't know, right? It's not a different place. It's [...] a different place. Thank you so much for joining me. So wrapping up with your partner and thanking them and coming back.

[23:55]

Yeah, thanking your partner and coming back. We don't have a mic to pass around, but maybe just shout out just very briefly. Not long sentences, but just very briefly. What are some things people take refuge in? I'm just curious to hear. Each other. Lovely. Family. Live music. Music's great. Conversation. Breath. Meditation. Nature. Books. Good. The ocean. Popcorn. With butter. Good. Thank you. Thank you. So it's an interesting thing to start to look at, you know. And when are these various things helpful? And when are they not there for us? I remember a teacher at Tassajara when I was first there. She said, you know, chocolate eclairs.

[24:57]

But what happens when the chocolate declares just don't do it anymore? You know? Yeah. So and even, you know, relationships. Like we were speaking here and for me, my family, I turn to a lot. Just feeling like, oh, that's a place I can go. And those are solid relationships. But also relationships change. Shockingly, people die. You know, there's how, what happens when what you've always, it's always been there for you, isn't there for you in the same way. How do we start to understand this beautiful shifting life, this beautiful shifting body and mind, knowing it's shifting always, that that's not a problem really. It actually is just the nature of things and part of the beauty of things.

[26:03]

What does it mean to start to open to this and how would this change your understanding of your life, our understanding of our life? So the idea of taking refuge In the Pali, it's Sarana Gamana. So Sarana, shelter, protection, sanctuary. Gamana, act of returning. What do you come back to? Or the root of refuge as refugere in Latin, to flee or to fly back, to return to. What can you keep coming back to over and over? And how do you cultivate that? Actually, my own teacher said, you know, when we take refuge in the triple treasure, Buddha, Dharma, Sangha, we're flying back.

[27:11]

We're flying back to our true home. Before I move on, I'd like to read a poem. This is by someone named Jack Gilbert and it's called Horses at Midnight Without a Moon. Horses at Midnight Without a Moon. Our heart wanders lost in the dark woods. Our dream wrestles in the castle of doubt. But there's music in us. Hope is pushed down, but the angel flies up again, taking us with her. The summer mornings begin inch by inch while we sleep and walk with us later as long-legged beauty through the dirty streets.

[28:14]

It is no surprise that danger and suffering surround us. What astonishes is the singing. We know the horses are there in the dark meadow because we can smell them, can hear them breathing. Our spirit persists like a man struggling through the frozen valley who suddenly smells flowers and realizes the snow is melting, out of sight on top of the mountain. knows that spring has begun. We know the horses are there in the dark meadow because we can smell them, can hear them breathing. So if we say...

[29:24]

I take refuge in Buddha. I take refuge in Buddha. And in this particular hall, the large statue up there on the altar is actually not Buddha. It's Manjushri, who's the bodhisattva or emanation of wisdom. And right below, the somewhat smaller statue is actually Shakyamuni Buddha. So on one hand, there's this historical figure, this representation of an enlightened, awake, compassionate, wise being. But there's also, is it really external? How do we understand and turn into the life, the question for awakening that's in us? It's a kind of, oh yeah, there's something in me that that innermost request, that turning to, that potential.

[30:28]

How do I stay true to that? There's a kind of trueness or kind of coming home in that. And in all of these things, you know, you can say Buddha, Dharma, Sangha, but you don't have to use those words. They're very helpful words. I find it very helpful to have the statue up there. I have it very helpful to have this teaching. But it's To me, it's much more universal. I do a lot of teaching outside of Buddhist context, you know, bringing in mindfulness, awareness, et cetera, and organizations, all of this. And people may be drawn to it for different reasons, but I consistently feel they're hearing something inside that brings them and they're not quite sure what it is. And it's nice to say it's about being focused at work. or less distracted, but there's something else. It's very precious to listen to that, to tune into that, to follow that, and to come to a place like this where there's an honoring and a container to help it grow.

[31:43]

There's a way when we do, I take... We say that the refuge is one version of it. You say in the group here, everybody, you know, I take refuge in Buddha, and then there's a chant, immersing body and mind deeply in the way, awakening true mind. And as you do that, you actually bow. You know, this full prostration where you touch your head. It's kind of a radical thing to do, actually. And... If I look back on my own journey, there was a moment when I was really searching for some kind of spiritual path. I had been not part of, the Methodist path that I grew up in had been important to me at a time, but I couldn't quite go back there. And somehow I found myself at the Berkeley Zen Center. And the priest, who was Sojourner Mel Weitzman, was, we sat, and then there was something called service, where there was chanting and, you know, incense, all that.

[32:47]

And I thought, this is really strange. And then we did this full prostration, which I'd never done before or thought to do before, of touching the head to the floor, raising the hands. And I had suddenly this deep, profound sense of homecoming and belief. And I thought, I don't know what this is, but I want to find out. So there's something in this act of... fully embodying, fully in surrender. And in Japanese, the immersing the body-mind, it's taigei taido. So taigei, the body, is understanding through the body the great way. That there's some way that when we actually embody it, it comes into us in this way. And Suzuki Roshi said, when you bow, there's no you and no Buddha.

[33:48]

One complete bow takes place. That is all. That is nirvana. So is it really that we're bowing to the Buddha? In a way, yes, honoring this tradition. But is it something else also? What is it like to meet this fully? And then I take refuge in Dharma. So dharma, it can mean just a phenomenon, but dharma in the sense of the teaching, the Buddhist teaching, how, what's really, the way I think about it is simply, what's going on here? How do we start asking that question? And as we talked earlier, this sense of shifting, changing, everything moving, everything interconnected, How do we start to tune into that more fully? And for that, you say, you know, before all beings entering the merciful ocean of Buddha's way.

[34:55]

Somehow, out of the three verses, that's the one I feel the most in actually bowing that. It's like, oh, what is it like to enter a merciful ocean of Buddha's way? Also, this actual, this robe... So you probably can't see, but the way you make it is you take a piece of cloth and you cut it into lots of different pieces and you sew them back together in a very particular way. And there are, I don't know how many thousands, tens of thousands of little tiny stitches. And with each stitch, you say, I take refuge in Buddha. Namokie Butsu. Namokie Butsu. And when I was sewing this robe, actually Hope Cottage, that little cottage up there, I had the opportunity to spend actually just a couple of days sitting by the window just sewing and singing. So what happens when we do that?

[36:05]

What happens when we allow this over and over into our minds and then now to be wrapped in it? There's something in the physicality to walk around to remember like, oh my God, I am wrapped in refuge. What does that do to me? No Buddha, no me, just this evolving, this emerging. And also, one thing I particularly love about Green Gulch, of course it's true of everything, but it's easier to see here. This idea, there's Dharma, there's teaching, and it's in certain things that we call sutras, but it's also, you know, there are various teachings that say, no, no, everything is preaching the Dharma, if you will, if you just look. And when we have the kids program here on Sundays, first Sundays a month, if you have kids,

[37:10]

The kids sit down here, as many of you know, and there's a short talk, and then the kids head out because that's a great place to learn dharma, right? The farm and the land and how, you know, vegetables turn into compost or poop or earth and things are born and everything is changing and growing and decaying and all the time, right? Us too. This is amazing. So how do we live in this way that opens to that? What would this do to our world, our global world situation, if we really open to this? And then finally, this...

[38:11]

I take refuge in Sangha. Forever this has struck me, that Sangha, the community, is right up there with Buddha and Dharma. And I hear this all the time. When I first started working with an organization that was taking, wanting to bring some of these practices in a just general way out into the world, the advice in building this nonprofit was stay local, at least the U.S., right? It's way too complicated to be international. And from the very beginning, it was clear that was impossible because at this moment in time in history, there seems to be a lot of interest and people who very sincerely, literally all over the world, are yearning to be in community with other people. who are practicing, who are exploring this, who are learning to bring this way of being into the world.

[39:13]

And whenever I'm working with other people as well, it's like, how do we create connection? How do we create community? And that, again, is the blessing of this place, too, that it brings us together. On one hand, we can say Buddha, Dharma, Sangha, and use that language. But there are lots of different languages, lots of different ways to talk about this or to meet it. And this is just one way, one angle. But this is a sutra called the Karandhavya Sutra. And it's talking about something called skillful means. you know, what language do you use?

[40:16]

How do you speak depending on who you talk to? Or what language resonates with you or with whomever? And it says, you know, the language can be a little bit stilted, but say the Bhagavan, the Buddha said, they're infinite sentient beings. They constantly suffer from birth, death, and transmigration and have no rest. In order to save and ferry those sentient beings and make them achieve the Bodhi way, this Avalokiteshvara, this Bodhisattva of great compassion, manifests different incarnations to speak dharmas for different types of sentient beings. It says, for those who should be ferried to the shore of liberation through the body of a Buddha, he appears in a Buddha body and speaks dharma for them. For those who should be ferried through the body of a god of sun, he appears in the body of the god of the sun and speaks dharma to them. For those who should be ferried through the body of the god of moon, he appears the body of the moon, etc.

[41:19]

He says through the body of the god of fire, of a dragon, through the body of a human king, through the body of an officer, through the body of the parents. So how does this actually evolve? How do we share? How do we talk? There's one more thing I want to also share in a way that it's a danger. The danger is we can say, okay, these various things I take refuge in, now I'm going to really take refuge in Buddha or really take refuge in Dharma or really take refuge in Sangha.

[42:28]

This is a sutra from Vimalakirti, who was known, kind of in Buddhist lore, as this great householder who understood way more than the monks did. And he spoke his teachings. And he says, the one who's attached to anything, even liberation, is not interested in the Dharma but is interested in the taint of desire. The Dharma is not an object. The one who pursues objects is not interested in the Dharma but is interested in objects. The Dharma is without acceptance or rejection. The one who holds on to things or lets go of things is not interested in the Dharma but is interested in holding and letting go. The Dharma is not a secure refuge. Wait, wait a minute, hold on. We were just saying we was. The Dharma is not a secure refuge.

[43:35]

He who enjoys a secure refuge is not interested in the Dharma, but is interested in a secure refuge. Whoa. This is what really makes this whole endeavor not just another thing to do. The ground goes boop. Wait, where am I? Who am I? What? You know, when I was very first practicing, I asked my teacher, I said, what is a good Zen student? And he said, yes. He said, what is a good Zen student? How is a good Zen student? When is a good Zen student? Who is a good Zen student? You can't get it. And that is what makes it amazing. If you could get it, it would be another thing. can't get it and it's here. You can't get you and you're here.

[44:40]

This is the popping, this is the awakening, this is the wildness in this life. This is the invitation. And if it's okay, I'd like to close by doing something that unless you live here or hear overnight, you probably won't hear. And I think it's quite beautiful. It's one of the Pali refuges that I was singing just earlier. And growing up in the Methodist church, I actually loved music. And most of our music here is just fabulous and powerful. But a little melody is not bad sometimes. So I'm wondering if it's okay if we could sing the Pali refuges and anyone who knows them to sing along.

[45:48]

If you can hear them, just hear them, just listen. Or if your heart opens, you can have your heart open. And it's basically, I take refuge in Buddha and I take refuge in dharma, I take refuge in sangha, and in the second time and the third time. That's what the words mean. Are people up for this? Try it. Okay. Vodam saranam gachami Dhamam saranam gacchami Sangam saranam gacchami Duryambi buddham saranam gacchami

[46:52]

Duryam bidhamam saranam gacchami Duryam bidhamam saranam gacchami Duryam bidhamam saranam gacchami Sarnam Gacchami Tatyambhidamam Sarnam Gacchami Tatyambhidamam Sarnam Shabbat shalom.

[48:21]

sfzc.org, and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[48:28]

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