Good morning, and welcome to the Green Gulch Farm Sunday Dharma Talk, today offered by Green Gulch Head of Practice, Jiryu Rutschman-Beiler. This program has closed captioning. To enable, click on the small CC icon at the bottom of your Zoom screen. Click Enable Captions. Using the same menu, you can adjust the size of the captions. To move the closed captions, use your mouse to drag and drop to another place on your screen. Thank you. surpassed, penetrating in the perfect Dharam Ha, is rarely met with even in a hundred thousand million Kalpas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words.

[15:18]

Good morning, dear Sangha. Nice to see you all here today. Thank you very much for coming. You can hear me okay? So as I wrote a moment ago in the chat, for those of you who were here waiting a moment ago, I know that many of you here this morning came with the idea that our friend, Reverend Duncan Ryuken Williams of USC and Zenshuji Soto Mission in LA would be speaking with us again today. And he was very sorry to say that he could not make it.

[16:28]

We're working on a time when he can be back, hopefully within the next month or two. So in his place this morning, I'll be offering the Dharma talk. Thank you for your patience. And of course, if you came to see Duncan, you're very welcome to stay and very welcome to go. Please keep an eye on the website and we'll post the new day once we're able to reschedule. So I wanted today to share something that's alive for me and hopefully is not too disorganized. Some reflections on a topic that is coming into my view and feels really central for me now in my life and practice. I see in this area great potential for understanding myself and others.

[17:30]

and for some awakening and maybe even transformation. And I suspect that something about this might also resonate with some of you, so I thought I'd share. To name this topic, I'll call it fixing things. Fixing versus letting things be broken. Or fixing versus... In Suzuki Roshi's words, seeing things as it is, accepting things as it is, and nourishing them as they grow. So on one hand, fixing, and on the other hand, seeing, accepting, and nourishing things as they grow. So I'll start with a story that maybe many of you have heard. I heard it first long ago, and it planted a seed that I think has been germinating for a long time now.

[18:33]

It's from David Chadwick's wonderful book, To Shine One Corner, a book of stories about our Zen Center founder, Shunryu Suzuki Roshi. And also the same story is in David Chadwick's newer book, which I think is the same book, called Zen is Right Here. So this story is from 1963 at Sokoji Temple in San Francisco before the founding of Sun Center, but a little while after Suzuki Roshi had arrived in the United States. And the student involved is Richard Baker, who, as many of you know, would become eventually Suzuki Roshi's Dharma heir. So here's David's telling of the story. During a break in one of the early sessions at Sogoji, a student returning to his seat early straightened a picture on the wall before he sat down on his cushion.

[19:41]

Only he and Suzuki Roshi were in the zendo at the time. After a moment, Suzuki got up to leave the room. He walked down the aisle, stopped at the picture, returned it to its crooked position, and continued out the door. So there's three acts in this little play. First, you know, the picture was crooked and so the student fixed it. This, you know, in a way, this is the most natural and wonderful thing, really. This is what we train in Zen. This is what we're doing is caring for, tending. Intuitively, spontaneously responding. So natural and wonderful. According with the circumstances and responding appropriately. Taking care of things. We say, you know, the flavor, the wind, the character of the school of sotozen, menmitsu no kafu, this tender care, thorough, tender, wholehearted care of each and every detail.

[20:53]

So it matters to us, you know. It matters to us in Sota Zen how the picture is arranged. It's worth attending to. It's worth it, you know, to take the time for the picture to be oriented just so. Our practice is to attend to these things. And so in this story, the student does so. How wonderful. Yesterday, we were sitting here today at Green Gulch, as many of you also were sitting at City Center and the online temple. And I had the story in mind, and I noticed as we were exiting the Zendo into Cloud Hall, our common space outside the Zendo, a student here paused on their way back to their room to attend to, to rearrange this table in the common area. Maybe many of you are familiar with this low table in Cloud Hall. There's a flower vase there, and right now,

[21:57]

two giant bottles of hand sanitizer. And in a very simple and appropriate and natural way, this person tended to the table. They took care of the table, brought the different pieces into alignment. I felt in that simple act of caretaking that this person had awareness for themselves and for the situation. I felt cared for and felt that our space was being cared for. So how wonderful to take care of things. Tidy up. Somehow, in the case of this old story, it was different. There was something about, this is my reading, my imagination of this story. There was something about Richard Baker's

[22:59]

straightening that picture that led Suzuki Roshi to offer this teaching, this silent reprimand. Is that too strong? This great gift, you know, of the simple gesture, putting the, making the picture crooked again, the simple gesture that echoes all of these decades later. So straightening a picture in the wall can be, Tender care of details. But it also can show a mind. Manifest mind. In the heart and body. That's basically out of harmony with what is. A mind that's convinced of its own perspective. A mind that's leaning towards or bent on. Fixing. Fixing, which is to say. Bringing the world, you know, detail by detail, large or small, fixing, bringing the world into accord with my mental picture of the world.

[24:07]

Bringing the world into accord with how that mind thinks the world should be. So this is sometimes subtle, but very powerful, impactful, harmful habit of demeaning the world as it is. It's hard to say. Richard Baker, in straightening that picture, was demeaning the world. And he had, you know, what is this mind? That's wrong. Let me fix it. That's wrong. Let me fix it. That subtly demeans things as they are, the world as it is, and elevates the world as it should be, according to me. I think the most straightforward aspect of this story, what I think or imagine Suzuki Roshi felt was off in this simple act of taking care of the painting, the picture, most basically is just that it wasn't Richard Baker's face.

[25:23]

I think when I first heard the story, I had the picture that this was in city center, which in a way Richard Baker did have a great amount of responsibility for. But reading it again with this knowledge that this is so Koji, this is not Richard Baker's temple. He was the guest, not the host. So just most basically, I think that's what Suzuki Roshi is pointing out. It wasn't his place to fix the picture at Sogoji. He was a guest, not a host. So I hope that if you are kind enough to invite me to your home, I hope that I don't fix your things. And if you have the chance to come to my home, I would respectfully request that you not fix my things. So in that most basic sense, it's bad manners.

[26:27]

It's a confusion about roles and responsibilities, mixing up of guest and host. And I don't think that's all. I think there's this deeper delusion in this attitude of fixing that I know how things should be. I know what's wrong here, but I'll take care of it. Something about that mind, which may be familiar to you, certainly familiar to me, that's out of touch with reality, it's out of relationship with the totality, and that has some element of disrespect, of thusness, of suchness, of things as they are. So if I don't know thoroughly what something is, Did he see the picture? You know, do I see the picture before I fix it? I don't know what something is or why it's hanging just out how it is.

[27:32]

How can I say that it should be hanging some other way? So there's another picture hanging, unsatisfactorily hanging in the Tonto room, the room where I spend time and have formal meetings. And I often come into the room, cloud hall number 10, and I look at this picture and it seems like it's, I feel it's a little bit off. And so I make some correction to it. And then I come back in the next day and I feel again that it's a little bit off and I correct it again. And after doing this for some time, correcting this and then correcting my correction, I've noticed that the issue is that the room isn't isn't quite square. The floor and the ceiling aren't exactly parallel. So I am responsible for that space.

[28:33]

And it's great that I'm correcting the painting. But what line am I correcting it to? What line am I orienting the painting to? If I correct it to the top line, then it goes out of alignment with the bottom line. You all know the principle. And if I correct it with the bottom line, then it's out of alignment So every day I come in and it's a little off and I say, no, that's not right, but I can't solve the problem. I can just move the problem. Suzuki Roshi would do in Cloud Hall 10. Maybe that will be my koan.

[29:35]

So apart from this simple teaching Suzuki Roshi's offering on manners, or this straightforward teaching on arrogance really, there's also in his act of making the picture crooked again, a kind of challenge to his student, and I think to me too, and maybe to you, to see if we can find the equanimity, stability, composure, forbearance, to let something be crooked. That's usually how I've thought of this story. It's usually what this story has meant to me. Like Suzuki Roshi saying, I know you can fix things, but can you let them just be crooked? For some of us, and maybe each of us is different, I think for many of us, it's easier to fix something than to just let it be crooked.

[30:44]

Why would I want to just let it be crooked? How is that helpful? How is it helpful to just let something be crooked? first. Crooked, as I was hopefully clear from the example of the picture in my own room, crooked is relative to something. Crooked is a comparative value. It's in relationship to something else. And I can't say for sure that the thing I'm measuring against is really the right measure. So it's crooked to the floor, but it's straight to the roof, the ceiling. or it's aligned with the ceiling and it's crooked with the floor. Letting it be there, letting it be crooked either way or both ways, just letting it be there off-center hopefully gives me time to really understand what is happening.

[31:53]

That's maybe the first reason why letting it be crooked is helpful. to give me time to just sit there and let it be crooked until I understand what is actually happening, what it is, how it is, how it is, why it is, how it is, to understand what is happening before rushing into correcting. So this disease, this malady, this arrogance, this maladjustment, harmful delusion, I believe and see afflicts white men like myself, maybe most of all in our current place and time, conditioned to come into a room and know what's happening. Here I am. Here's the problem and here's what we're going to do. This is how some of us are raised, the message that our culture reinforces and that we internalize.

[33:00]

Not so much taught to stop and to look, to wonder what's happening here, to sit and listen, really understand what's happening, whether it has anything to do with me, whether I have any place in it at all. So, you know, I know the harm of this energy. I know the feeling of this energy. And I'm deeply moved by this teaching, this invitation to, you know, tolerate that things are broken in order to take the time to really understand beyond broken or fixed how and why they actually are. So I think, you know, that an aspect or a seed of this basic human trait of arrogance is in all of us and is diagnosed by the Buddha.

[34:06]

And really, we can diagnose it, not like take his word for it. We just look at our mind with any kind of mindfulness or attention. We tend to believe what we think. We tend to believe our interpretation of events. This seems to me to be the default. Believe our minds and our judgment. It's really hard to sit and listen, stop and look, to exist with, but put aside our own views and judgments and evaluations and standards long enough to really see and harmonize with what's happening. And some of it, I think, is because we're in a hurry, because there's stuff to get done. So we maybe don't have the time to see what's actually happening. It might take a very long time, you know. Maybe that picture is still crooked there in the hall of Sokoji.

[35:11]

It might take a long time before we understand why it is how it is and really understand what our place is in that and then respond, converse, inter-be, share from there. So, of course, our practice is to take care of things and to be of help and to support. So the first layer, you know, my first plea of defense or resistance in light of this teaching, allow it to be crooked, is this fear that that would be to abandon our responsibility to help to support the world and one another. So to settle and allow the possibility that allow it to be broken, allow it to be crooked, is actually the ground of some deep support, the ground of bodhisattva service.

[36:19]

So Suzuki Roshi said, in a word, Zen is the teaching or practice of seeing things as it is. accepting things as it is, and of nourishing things as they grow. This is the fundamental purpose of our practice and the meaning of Zen. In a word, Zen is the teaching or practice of seeing things as it is, accepting things as it is, and of nourishing things as they grow. This is the fundamental purpose of our practice and the meaning of Zen. Seeing things, accepting things and nourishing them as they grow. There is no fixing involved here and there's no broken involved here. Broken and fixed are my ideas. Is it aligned with the ceiling? It's fixed. Is it off the floor? It's broken. Both of these are just my ideas. Nothing to do with nourishing things as they grow.

[37:24]

So there is some activity, some vital activity. Bodhisattva engagement, and that is nourishing things as they grow. So much better of an image. Forgive the word. Better. So much better. Nourishing things as they grow. Than fixing broken things. I have vowed to fix broken things. God help us. But nourish things as they grow. Now we have... All these wonderful farmers here at Green Gulch. So these images, you know, that teaching of how to nourish things as they grow is embodied and resonant on this land. A farmer doesn't fix the plants and fix the soil. Farmer connects with the soil, tries to understand the soil, offers herself to meet and support this life, seeing, accepting and nourishing.

[38:27]

So I think this is one of the reasons, one of the understandings of this teaching of, you know, better to be crooked, actually. Let's put that back how it was until we're ready, you know, to straighten it. So can we wait? Can we just let it be broken? Let there be suffering. Let it hurt, you know. before fixing maybe we find we never need to fix really at all what's another ground for engaging interacting so fixing things you know fixing things without quite

[39:38]

you know, knowing what they are may be familiar. One of my contexts for this is marriage, being married to a person who I live with. And it's probably true of any arrangement in which you're living intimately with people. This, you know, you did that wrong. You did that wrong. You put that in the wrong place. You know, you put the spatula in the wrong place, but don't worry. You know, the spatula was in the wrong place, but don't worry, I put it in the right place. No, you put it in the wrong place, so I put it back in the right place. Who keeps putting the spatula in the wrong place? So, you know, whole days can go by. Our communal life is like this too. Whole days go by where we're just fixing what each other just fixed. So many examples. I'm sure you have some examples of your own. Of my long list of examples, one that really tickled me that I'll share.

[40:48]

Maybe you've heard the story about this sportscaster. The sportscaster who had his T-shirt, he managed, he was a sportscaster for a very long time announcing soccer games. and had a T-shirt signed by Pele, the greatest soccer player to ever live. And so he had this T-shirt with Pele's signature on it. And a few, I'm not sure when, a few days later maybe, his helpful roommate washed his shirt, washed out this signature. Hey, I did your laundry for you. You're welcome. helping, you know, fixing without really understanding. There's also maybe a deeper example that I'd like to share closer to home here for us at Green Gulch.

[41:54]

That Sarah Tashkar brought up a few months ago in her Dharma talk about our farm here. This is. The story or moment of. George Wheelwright, our great benefactor and friend, arriving so long ago at Green Gulch and seeing the creek meandering through this lovely valley with so much potential for agriculture, for sustaining life, and saying, you know, I don't know what the thought was, but having the sense, well, the creek is in the wrong place. The creek's in the wrong place, but we can fix that. We can fix that. And he did. He fixed it. So he didn't have time, I think, and the pressures of the world he was in didn't give time to deeply see and accept what the creek was and why it was how it was. You know, it's like with my picture to see, to take the time to see what would become crooked on the bottom if he straightened it on the top.

[43:03]

And this is our mind. You know, this is my mind. And I think maybe if you look closely, this is your mind too. Of course, this is in full respect to George Wheelwright and his vision for this land and our great debt to him. The point is that we are no different from him. As Sarah said, it's not that he was bad and he was good or he had the wrong idea and we have the right idea. On the contrary, the point is that this shared mind, we're caught in our human perspective. And it's just easier to see, you know, 100 years later. Well, that was not quite, that wasn't the whole picture. So it's easier to see from a great move. Our challenge in this practice is to try to see if it's possible, you know, to open the space to see in real time how we're caught by these views. And so I want to share another aspect or reflect on another aspect that I'm working with of let it be crooked, which is about our basic capacity to live in a world that is full of suffering.

[44:28]

If we can fix it, you know, if we could fix it, why would we keep it crooked if we could fix it? But what is this teaching of just let it be crooked, stop trying to fix it? This points, I think, to kshantiparamita, forbearance, tolerance, the capacity to be with, to be still with, to be present with crookedness, with brokenness, with suffering, to be with All of that, just as it is before, you know, or without or apart from any ideas of fixing or that it's something like something that could be fixed. So here the Pali Buddhist word for suffering comes up for me.

[45:36]

This word for suffering is dukkha and generally understood dukkha, suffering. to refer to the basic discontent that is so often an aspect of life. Or maybe even more strongly, as some of the teachings seem to say, that this suffering, this discontent is just inherent. It's just woven in with the very fact of being alive. This basic suffering, this suffering that is always there with life. Discontent. unsatisfactoriness. So it's said that the etymology of this word dukkha is related to the axle or wheel maybe of a cart. So the dukkha is this wheel that catches and grinds, this wheel that's not quite true. And I've shared with many of you my delight at this student's delight some years back at hearing this and saying, oh, it's like

[46:43]

It's like the grocery cart. It's like that wheel on the grocery cart that's just always, you know, it's always just going a little bit off. And yes, that is exactly, exactly it. It's just always, you know, a little bit off. Maybe every grocery cart is like this. It just pulls a little bit. This one wheel is just not quite right. It just catches, it grinds. You know, sukha, the other side, joy, that's this grocery cart that just glides. The four wheels, you know, perfectly aligned and oiled. But there's no, there is no, there's no cart like this, you know, and if there is, it won't be for long. This dukkha, this catching, pulling wheel is always looming. This is the first noble truth that there is suffering. Can we be with it? Can we get used to it?

[47:45]

Are we throwing a fit or maybe just as bad down on our knees at the wheel of every grocery cart we come across with our screwdriver and fixing mine? Of course, the suffering isn't like the whole story of the Buddha Dharma. The Buddha Dharma is the path to the end of suffering. The teaching is not just that we're doomed to wallow in the suffering, but it is that this path, you could say out of suffering, is based on a deep acceptance, deep allowing that the suffering is here to stay. The suffering is deep in the character of our life itself, not something to fix. It's not, you know, if only that picture were hanging right. If only such and such were such and such. If only I had that or didn't have this, then the suffering would be gone, all fixed.

[48:53]

If I was here and not there, or there and not here, with them but not them, or with them but not them. Of course, our life changes. We respond, we act, things happen. We adapt, we try to make life better for ourselves and for each other. And while we're doing that, this teaching is that none of that, you know, manipulation of conditions is really getting to the root of our discontent. None of this fixing gets at the root of our suffering. So I think that's part of Suzuki Roshi's teaching, too, or part of what's meaningful about it for me. Can I let there be suffering and want to fix it and also let it be there. So refrain from fixing in order to better see what's happening and even more just to grow this capacity to be comfortable with things being off, being painful, being out of whack.

[50:09]

So this capacity is the capacity that will allow us to live and function in this quite maddening and suffering world. finding maybe it's clear, but I'd like to just express that I'm finding this intention in myself, this call from the Buddha Dharma to let things be broken, let things be crooked, let things be unfinished and unresolved, let it all be a bit of a mess. To be with suffering rather than leave to soothe or solve it.

[51:15]

or even to get to its root. And, you know, as a matter of daily practice of kind of moment by moment, mind and action, I'm finding an intention to be vigilant about, to label, to notice, to tune myself to notice and label the certain quality of mind, which I'll call fixing. And in light of this suspicion I have about the whole network of views and delusion behind this fixing energy, just to notice this fixing mind, I think goes a long way towards freeing myself from acting from it. To notice fixing mind and refrain, fixing mind, letting the sound of fixing mind

[52:17]

be a bell that stops me in my tracks. Now, I also have an intention. I have a vow called the Bodhisattva vow, which is to care for all things and to offer my life and activity in support of all suffering beings, to live for the well-being and complete liberation of everyone, to attain the way together with everyone and all beings together with me. And we renewed this vow here at Green Loach this morning in our full moon ceremony. And I noticed, I listened, I listened to what I was saying and I noticed I did not vow to fix anything. I vowed to help to bring all beings across to liberation. Nothing to do with fixing. In fact, before vowing, you know, to support all beings, in this path of liberation to nourish all things as they grow towards liberation.

[53:22]

First, I avowed this ancient twisted karma, which is this mind of fixing. That fixing mind is the mind to put aside in order to nourish things as they grow. So instead of fixing, I want to just genuinely be with, be with all of you, be with things as they are. express myself fully and allow all of you to express yourself fully. And from, as Tenshin Roshi's been saying, from this conversation, or as Thich Nhat Hanh says, from this interbeing, or as Suzuki Roshi says, from this sharing, from this sharing in my feeling, sharing in your feeling, then something will unfold, co-created, nobody fixing anything, but somehow this, being authentic together, unfolding something new. So to have the patience to be able to bear this and the culpas that it takes, I need to be really settled with things being broken and unfixed.

[54:35]

Things as they are, this may be a last point I want to make, and we'll see if I can express it. Hopefully, you're still here with me, hard to tell on Zoom. I'll take things as they are over my idea of how things should be. I think this is my commitment. Things as they are is real. Things as they are has Buddha nature. Things as they are has reality and relationship. Things as they are accounts for everything. It includes everything. Whereas my, you know, it's in three dimensions. Whereas my idea of how things should be is really quite a shadow. It's, you know, two dimensions, maybe one. It has no Buddha nature. It has no reality. And it doesn't account for things. It's not in relationship. So part of this practice is, you know, I'll take how things are over my idea of how they should be, and then from how things are, allowing this bodhisattva work to unfold.

[56:00]

I want to close with a koan, a favorite koan of our abbess, Hu, and one that's taken on new meaning for me. You know, like all of these coins, you think one thing and then something else opens. So as I reflect on this intention to be comfortable with broken things, I'm naturally remembering this coin and want to close with it. So one day, Yang Guan called to his attendant, bring me the rhinoceros fan. The attendant said, it is broken. Master, I will note, did not then say, well, fix it. There's no fixing in this koan. I don't think any of our stories, I don't know, it's worth, you know, a database search. I don't think any of our teaching stories have the master suggest fixing.

[57:09]

Why don't you fix it? Bring me the rhinoceros fan. It is broken. Young one said, if the fan is already broken, Bring me the rhinoceros itself. The attendant gave no answer. No fixing. Letting it be broken, you know, in this broken fan, the rhino. In this brokenness, the opportunity is so much deeper than any fixing. And so on this full moon day, Hongzhi's verse on this case. Break the fan. That's Suzuki Roshi. Breaking the picture. Turning the picture back from fixed to broken. Break the fan and look for the rhinoceros. The word within the circle has prior significance.

[58:14]

Who knows the thousand years' darkness? of the new moon. It subtly turns into autumn's harvest moon. Thank you for your kind attention this morning. May our practicing and being together be of real benefit somehow to this suffering world. Thank you very much. Tension equally extended to every being and place. With the true merit of those ways. Beings are numberless.

[59:16]

I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to be coming. I want to thank everyone for joining us today. If you feel supported by the Dharma offerings of our temples, please consider supporting San Francisco Zen Center with a donation at this time. Any size is greatly appreciated. And a link will show in the chat window now with ways to donate. We will also be taking a five-minute break before returning for Q&A. If anybody needs to sign off now and would like to say goodbye, you may feel free to unmute yourself.

[60:19]

Thank you, Jiryu. Thank you, Jiryu. Thank you. Thank you, Jiryu. Thank you so much. Thanks, everybody. See you soon. We'll return a little after maybe 11.06. Welcome back, everyone.

[66:32]

Before we begin Q&A, I just want to see if you want to raise your hand to offer a question or comment. Please click on the reaction icon at the bottom of your Zoom window. In that panel, there is a raise hand button. If you are on an older version of Zoom, this feature is in the participants panel menu. You may also offer questions or comments through the chat window, and you will be requested to unmute or called upon. Jessica, your hand. Let's see. Oh, sorry. Can you hear me? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I can hear you, yeah. Well, I was tremendously moved by what you were talking about because I'm so overwhelmed that everyone I know is...

[67:35]

is dying. I'm 84, 83. So everybody is. And sometimes it's harder than others not to try to help fix, be there. I don't know the difference between being there. And I mean, if someone has been double because they have MS or something and they don't know it and you point it out, they're partly in denial, but they also will still, What about the helping? I mean, it seems like our entire culture is helping people. That's all there is. I mean, dyeing your hair. All that stuff is trying to live forever. It's like you can't do it to sunflowers, but you can do it. People find all sorts of ways not to die so quickly.

[68:37]

I don't know the difference between being someone's friend and trying to help them, really. And it's partly selfish that I can't bear to see them like that, and I want them to be able to straighten up, or if they're crooked, I want to point it out so that they get straight. So there's... It's such a difference between a picture and a person, you know. So that's all. Thank you very much for your talk. But it just, it's good. It just brought stuff up for me that I, I think you can also hide a lot by fixing, fixing, you know, this in a way serves as a way not to, well, I'm doing, you know, you do something about it. You don't just, you know. Yeah. Thank you. very poignant example of course we want somebody to feel better we want somebody to be better to feel better and also we want to love them as they are you know and not like pile that on you know it's like well get better I need you to get better it's like this doesn't have anything to do with you just let me I'm not well I want to be loved in this I want to be

[70:07]

Yeah. And as you say, is it selfish? Is it for you that I want you to be better? Or just this is so hard for me to see you like that? Yeah, I think there's some difference, you know, in just the quality of feeling, helping from a place of accepting, you know, where the person feels loved and knows that they're loved. And you can feel like... open to the suffering as it is, and then wishing something or expressing something or offering something. That is a kind of insistence, you know. Yeah, I sometimes think that, you know, sometimes I want to fix people and sometimes it seems like people want me to fix them. And it seems like it actually may be more beneficial and more of a challenge for all of us to just love each other as we are.

[71:12]

Just say, wow, it looks like that really hurts. It looks like you're in so much pain. I'm so sorry. Instead of, have you tried? Thank you, Jessica, for sharing that. A person in a painting truly are different. Yeah. Not something to take lightly. How to really be with people having a hard time without pushing them to get over their hard time. How would you want? How would I want to be met when I'm in that kind of state? up from Shindo.

[72:33]

Thank you so much for your practice and for your very connecting talk. I feel very connected. My question was, I come from a totally different culture where Where not fixing is the problem. Where there is just absolutely no fixing. And just letting things be. It's like an extreme letting things be. And basically being raised in that culture, that's how... my natural tendencies to just let things be. But I'm learning from being in California how to fix things. And my practice is the other way around.

[73:38]

It's like learning to straighten the picture. So like, can you help me? see things with more clarity. Well, thank you. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Maybe... Yeah, I wonder about full self-expression. You know, that's maybe a California thing, but we think it's a Zen thing. Full self-expression, you know, to like... to fully share how I feel or how I see, which is like engaging, you know, it's engaging, but it's engaging in conversation. It's engaging in like reporting like, wow, from here that looks crooked. What am I missing? You know, that little bit, that kind of attitude rather than like, well, I won't mention it or it's fine.

[74:43]

Or there must be, somebody must have some reason. It's like, no, maybe they don't. It really, yeah. So somehow, expressing, maybe there's a lack in the other extreme, lack of full self-expression. Oh, that didn't feel good. That didn't feel good when you said that, you know, or I wonder why this isn't being taken care of or somehow bringing ourself fully, you know, expressing ourself fully, not holding back. I think that maybe is a middle for all of us. It's like that full self-expression is totally engaged. But it's not saying this is now how it should be. Just saying, oh, this is how I see it. How do you see it? What do you think? And then letting the conversation, as Reb keeps telling us, letting the conversation solve the problem. Letting the conversation do the work, but bringing ourselves fully to the conversation. Maybe that has some medicine that's shared for both of those liens as we both look for the middle here.

[75:48]

And I really appreciate that danger. It's not too active and it's not too passive. It's right effort. It's not just effort and it's not not effort. Thank you for bringing up that side. Thank you. And I look forward to continuing to practice and to learn with you. Thank you. We have an offering from Richard. Thank you so much. Your talk reminded me, of a story that I heard a long time ago.

[76:55]

That's a Ram Dass story. And he was with his teacher and everything was very peaceful and lovely. And he said to his teacher, there is such incredible suffering in the world. People are suffering. We have to do something. We can't just sit here and be in meditation. We have to help. We have to help. And this teacher said, I want you to meditate on the perfection of everything as it is, that everything is perfect just the way it is. So being a good student, he went away and did retreat and meditated. And eventually he came back. to his teacher said, yeah, I see. Ri and Gi, it all fits together and everything, yin and yang and good and bad.

[77:57]

Everything is perfect just the way it is. Life is beautiful. It's so wonderful. And his teacher looked at him and he said, good. Now, go out and help all of those people who are suffering. There are many people suffering in the world. Go help them. And I've always appreciated that story. being when I was able to be active in life to be a helper and the importance of holding that space of as it is, the perfection of everything as it is while helping. And that if the helping came from a place of need or urgency or delusion, then it was actually contributing more to the suffering and how important it is to hold that space of ri, of Buddha nature, of the perfection as it is, and participate in the world helping, but without, while at the same time seeing the perfection and what is.

[79:14]

So I just haven't thought of that in a long time. And I appreciate hearing that because it's such a good reminder. For me, every day is letting go, letting go, accepting what is as it is, and finding peace and contentment in the... while doing this practice of remembering the pure Buddha nature, the re. And the other thing that I thought of was the importance of contact, of connection. And sometimes in helping people, it's an avoidance of their pain.

[80:20]

Well, you can try this or try that or rather than meeting somebody where they are and being with them and having a heart to heart connection and helping them to be in that, in that moment with you or being in that moment with them, that helping can sometimes be a way of distracting or, or, not facing discomfort head on and being. So that's the second thing your talk reminded me is the importance of being, whether it's being with myself while I'm participating in the trials and difficulties of life or being with someone else on their pain and their challenges. remembering to be with them and not let my uncomfortableness move into chatter about, well, have you tried this or have you tried that, et cetera, et cetera.

[81:28]

So those are the two things that your talk reminded me of that I appreciate very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Richard. Wonderful. Intimacy. To be intimate with things. Something about this mind that cuts off intimacy. I want to thank you all very much for coming today. And looks like that's all. So I will see you all later. Thank you very much for your practice. Let me feel free to unmute yourself if you'd like to say goodbye.

[82:29]

Thanks, Jiru. Thank you. Thank you, Jiru. Lovely to see you. Thank you. Thank you, Jiru. Thank you, Jiru. Thank you, once again, Jiru. Thank you, Jenny. Thank you. [...]

[83:08]

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