This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Does that sound okay? It sounds a little weird over here. How's everybody doing? I just want to have a look. I would like to talk about Jizo Bodhisattva and fearlessness, and I'm going to talk about love, actually. Can you really hear me? So great. Amplification is a miracle. But I'll tell you a little bit, maybe I'll give you a little bit of background about me in relation to practice and this place in particular.

[01:09]

So 20 years ago right now, I was probably a very sweaty dining room worker. 20 years ago was my first summer here. I came the January before for my Tongario practice period with Norman Fisher. And... I'm right over there. Well, I sat right over there. But right over here, rounding a corner, I don't know, maybe a month or so into that first practice period, I remember the feeling of my feet on the floor and the understanding arising that I was not going to leave after that practice period. And... And the sensation of, like, a physical weight being lifted off my shoulders, like, I figured something out. That was right. And I spent many years here. I love Tassajara, like many other people.

[02:18]

And at that time, I was probably in my... was 98 so yeah I can figure out how old I was 20 years ago I was 27 and I came to Zen practice as many people in the United States do or in countries maybe where we don't necessarily grow up with it out of pain in my life when I came here my mom had died five years prior to that in my early 20s and Her funeral was at the day that was supposed to be my college graduation. So I miss that. And in quick succession, it was like my mom, my family became something unrecognizable, actually. We lost my family home within a couple years. And all my friends and also just being a student, you know, like that thing that I'd done since I was like in kindergarten was gone.

[03:22]

And I was... and multi-different levels of pain. Uh-oh, there's not a clock here. Thank you. So I think in Zen we talk about, it's an important and lovely idea to talk about having no gaining idea. But I think we maybe, because we like that idea so much, we devalue that actually often we come to practice with a very particular gaining idea. And mine was, which can generally blanketly often be said, you know, to stop being in so much pain. Anyone else have that experience? No? Wow. Okay, it was just me. I was in pain. So I think there's this beautiful thing, which is the skillful means of our suffering.

[04:27]

that brings us to practice. And I had this idea. Well, my first plan of action was, I think I just won't love any more people. And I can't do anything about the people I already love, but I just am going to, I'll cap it at that. And that will reduce the pain from people being impermanent. Like, I'm serious. 22-year-olds can have thoughts like this. And But then I found Zen practice when I lived in San Francisco, and it sang to me. And I threw myself into practice with this idea that I was going to do it so intensely that I would reach a level of equanimity where I didn't feel maybe anything. I was up for that. But certainly not the pain I was feeling. And really, a goal was, like, death would not bother me.

[05:29]

That's what I was going for. Or that was the idea, anyway, for many years. And eventually, I came to Tassajara and sat in the Zendo, starting over there and over here. And for, I think, the first couple years, I would sit down and cry. Silently. but a lot of crying. There was something about the container of this place and of the practice that allowed me to process the grief I was carrying, basically. I don't even know if anyone knew I was crying, actually. But I was wet often. My sleeves would be wet. But I remember a time when... It felt, so it had felt in that time of all that loss, like the world was kind of gray for me. And then I remember realizing that things started to be in color again.

[06:31]

And I attribute that to this place and this practice and the Sangha. I had beloved friends here and beloved teachers. Galen Godwin is the teacher who I ordained with. She's coming on Monday. Hooray. We met here and worked together in the shop for many years. She was my boss. And she still is. So this week I'm here, or this chunk of days, I don't know, four days, we're doing, Chris Fortin and I are doing a workshop on Jizo Bodhisattva. and the qualities of jizō. And jizō is many different things, but I would say, in the way that Manjushri is the archetype of wisdom and alokiteshvara is the archetype of compassion, jizō is the archetype of fearlessness and devotion.

[07:39]

And because I want to talk about fearlessness, I... We'll talk about love. Jizo Bodhisattva in the mythology is that Jizo Bodhisattva in his or her last lifetime as a human being was a girl named Sacred Girl. And this was so long ago, it was in the era of another Buddha whose name was, it's just really fun to say this name, Buddha Enlightenment Flower Self-Sufficient King. So a lot longer name than Shakyamuni Buddha. Different era. And she was very devoted to the Buddha of that time. And her mother was not, though. Her mother was, doesn't sound like a terribly bad person, just a little bit wayward and maybe self-indulgent. And not devoted. And so when her mother died, Sacred Girl was worried for the well-being of her mother.

[08:42]

And this sutra was most likely written in China and has Chinese aspects of filial piety. And the story in the sutra is that she made offerings and prayed so much that the Buddha of her time allowed her to travel to the hell realm where her mother had been. And when she got there, there's a guardian of the hell realm whose name was Poisonless. And he goes on to become... a great bodhisattva as well. So the guardians of these hell realms, so if you were raised perhaps in a Christian context, cosmology of hell realms are different. I realized for a long time that I was putting my lens on it, my Christian background. Hell realms are places of great suffering and particular kinds of suffering, like they're not all hot. Some of them are cold. different kind of torturous things happen to you. But they are there so that we can deal with our karma.

[09:45]

And it's actually a beneficent thing that such a thing is possible, that we can work with it and, you know, change where we are. And also, Buddhist cosmology is always simultaneously a mythology where we can engage with it literally, and we can engage with it figuratively, metaphorically. Hell realms are states that we find ourselves in. And both of these things are true in the tradition for a long time, from their inception. So this is a teaching that's metaphoric so it goes into our hearts more directly. So when she gets to this place, there are many beings floating in this particular hell on waters and waves of emotion. And there are iron beings that chase them around, and they can't get out. And the bodhisattva Jizu explains that these hell realms are places, basically, of the people's own making, in a way.

[10:54]

So we generate these. And... The guardian of that realm comes to her and says, you know, actually you've done a wonderful job and all the merit has come to your mother and she's been elevated to a much more pleasant realm. But, and this to me is the most excellent moment of the story. She had for so many lifetimes been so devoted in making such a strong effort that in that moment of understanding that her mother was gone, that was a good thing, but her heart was so open and strong and clear and devoted that she pivoted from the specific to the universal. And her specific love of her mother being so complete suddenly became her love and devotion for all beings in realms of suffering. And I think this is extremely important teaching, that we know love for all beings, many of us, most of us maybe, by the fullness of our love for specific beings.

[12:04]

And this is how somebody, Shogun, as I was driving in, he was driving the stage in, and I said something about non-duality. He's like, well, how do you teach non-duality? And I don't... We can't... We don't... There's no such thing as teaching non-duality because it's a concept that our brain doesn't get at. But we can... But there are these metaphors like this. There are these teachings like this that show us. They point to non-duality where the love of one person becomes the love of all beings. And this is what it looks like. We can be that, actually. So she makes a vow. And actually, it's the foundational bodhisattva vow that she will not... become a Buddha until all beings are gone from the hell realms, or realms of suffering. Really like any realms, because Jizo moves all over the place. The name Jizo in Chinese is ditsang, and in Sanskrit is kashitagarbha. The name means earth womb bodhisattva.

[13:07]

And so this is a being that has the capacity or earth storehouse or earth treasure bodhisattva. So the capacity of this being's heart is planetary, you know, the size of the earth. That's one part of it. And the other part of it is that Jizo is tremendously devoted to the earth and things in realms quote below it, like hell realms, hungry ghost realms, and animal realms. So... So one of the pivots that Jizo made in that moment was the specific to universal love. And the other thing was that she became capable of moving through different realms, like she went from a human realm to a hell realm, no problem. And now this becomes her great power. So we can take those as stories that speak to us in...

[14:11]

particular and external ways, and we can take those as stories that speak to us in internal ways and figurative and metaphoric ways. So when we do a Jizo ceremony, as we did this afternoon, we call forth Jizo. We call forth the intercession of a being like this that loves like this and can move around through different states without a problem. And we also call forth those qualities in ourselves. So our practice in Zen, even our zazen practice, this is a practice of non-duality. When we sit down, we sit as with Buddha. So this is a practice of non-duality when we sit. Again, so we don't necessarily have a concept for it in our mind, but we have a practice. And a ceremony like the Jizou ceremony is just like that.

[15:13]

So Jizou was a huge figure in China, and the teaching at that time, when the Sutra came about, which was thousands of years ago, or at least a thousand years ago, was that Jizou and the Sutra and the teachings of this figure would stay within China. So they were a little bit wrong because it really went to other countries in Asia, this figure, but would not go, would sort of stay close to that region until what is called the age of decline. And there's lots of different mythology about the age of decline in Buddhism, but basically the idea is we get far enough out from the historical Buddha that the teaching starts to wane a little bit and people get lost in greed, hate, and delusion. So there's like... You know, materialism, greed, capitalism, stuff like that. Natural disasters, poor leadership.

[16:22]

And then Jizo, his or herself, and the sutra and this teaching will spread across the oceans and reach everybody who needs it. Because in these times, we need to understand fearlessness and the perseverance of devotion to the Buddha Dharma and also to one another. It is called forth. So, I'd like to say something. So what's been on my mind in relation to our times are many things, but including the treatment of human beings, especially small ones at our southern border.

[17:28]

And I bring this up not politically, but as a moral consideration and pain of the heart and of our collective humanity. I heard that there was a federal judge who, this was back in April, had sort of started to get wind of the fact that there was going to be these detention centers for children and people were going to be separated from their parents. And the judge said, I hope that's not true. But if that's true, then people are creating a very particular kind of hell. And it is true. People are creating a very particular kind of hell. And so Chris and I both work in the realms besides being Zen priests in our community and having different sanghas there. We work in the realms of grief and trauma, and we know lots of things. And there's lots of things that we know now about the human body and mind and nervous system and impacts.

[18:30]

And forgive me for this image, but I had this image that, you know, if we were hearing something like they're branding children at the border, we'd all, I don't know, what we would do. But then I thought, well, that's what's happening. There's something that's an excruciating injury that's happening to children that is indelible and long-term, the impacts of it. And turning toward the pain of that through the love that each of us have for children in our lives or... remembering what it was like to be a child ourself and imagining that situation. We can call on Jesus' help for that. But our work as bodhisattvas is to turn toward the pain of that, to start, not to finish, but to turn toward it. And then when we do, it can open to the fact that actually...

[19:35]

This is happening all the time in this society. To many, you know, just like the kids on the border, to kids who are in vulnerable situations, who are in communities of color, who are in communities of poverty, being separated from parents, parents being separated from children. And there are long-term impacts, and it's a particular kind of home run. say a little more about turning toward it because I don't want to just leave you with, turn toward it, good luck. What if that's all you get? Like, that's good. We're human animals, you know, even like earthworms will move away from things that are uncomfortable. So our practice is, our practice of non-duality to me, one of our pivots or the things we can do to enact and be non-duality is to

[20:36]

notice pain, notice our deflection, and challenge ourselves to go in the other direction toward it, even if it's just for a second. Because, and also kind of compassionately understanding, we're not always supported to turn toward the immensity of pain in the world. And we shouldn't always, you know, stay. But to turn at least to say, I see you. and the reason I know you is because I have loved children, because I have been a child, because I have been loved. We take our lived experience and our compassionate response. It's the only place our compassionate response actually comes from. It depends on how you count things. Visibly and obviously I have two children. who are 15 and 6 1⁄2. And there were two other children in between them who are no longer in my family.

[21:43]

One is still living and one is not. But they all live in me. And when my oldest daughter was born here, Jamesburg actually, but she was gestated here. That seat over there, a lot of A lot of rapid eating in Oreoke to try to like eat for two. And she was born in Jamesburg and we moved back here when she was five and a half weeks and lived here until she was a year and a half and then went to Green Gulch and back here. And there was someone when she was very little who saw her and said to my husband like, oh, that's a beautiful baby you have there. I hope you love all beings as much as you love her. And it was classic coming from the person it was coming from. And it's a good idea in a certain way, but it's a kind of koan, because actually I don't exactly.

[22:50]

I'm not everybody's mother. And the specifics of what is called forth in relation to this radiant, now 15-year-old being Nobody else is asking me for the same energetic response. So it's not that I don't love everyone as I love her, but I love her in specific ways, and the other children too. But it's because I love her as fully and with abandon that I can allow myself, that I love other people. and cannot miss what it would feel like to have a child taken from me and not know where she is. You know, Maya was down here recently, and I was like, I'm going to button up. I'm not going to say anything in her vicinity that, like, every time I look at her, I think, like, what would it be like for her to be removed from her parents for an hour, let alone indefinitely?

[23:53]

It is intolerable. So... And it is important to experience and live in and notice and attend to the pain of these things when they arise. And not to get used to outrageous things. This may be lore, so some of you people that have been around Sun Center can... Correct me if somehow this has been debunked. But there's a story at San Francisco Zen Center that there was a study maybe in the 70s of different meditation practitioners and their response to like a loud something. And then there was a control group of people who didn't meditate. Actually, who cares if this is true? It's a good image, I think. So there's this loud thing, and the stories, people who didn't meditate would first have a strong response, and then after a while their response would wane.

[25:05]

So they were adaptive in a certain sense. And people that did a different kind of meditation, I think it was Vipassana meditation, had a much less response in the first place, because that meditation is a calming meditation. So when they were in that state, there's a big thing, they actually didn't have a response. And the story, as I've heard it, is that a Zen practitioner who was measured kept having the same response no matter how many times. It didn't wane. And I love this because I feel like this says something a lot about the practice that I want to do anyway, which is to, yeah, I came to practice to try to feel less. Somewhere in there realized, unbeknownst to me I was feeling more but my life was also more and my heart had more greater capacity the more I felt and actually I had more joy along with a lot more pain and and I and I was kind of getting okay with it so that this I think expresses our life as bodhisattvas to keep turning

[26:22]

back toward the pain and being like, wow, it's painful. Oh my God, it's painful. Still painful. Not to torture ourselves, but to actually live our human experience. It is an intense thing to take a human form, to be in a human form. We are intensely sensitive beings. Say what you will. Like sometimes I find myself saying, because I have a six and a half year old son who is... who is beautiful and wild and also very sensitive. And I'll say, well, he's very sensitive. And then I'm like, I can't think of a kid who isn't, actually, in their own way. We are sensitive beings. To be in this form, but to take care of things means that we find the supports we need in our life to allow us to keep waking up to what we're feeling completely. And the Jizo ceremony is one that comes from Japan.

[27:29]

It's originally and specifically for honoring and kind of nourishing children who have died either in utero or afterward. It's a grief ritual. And one of the things that I love about this ritual is that it is one of the things... First of all, that I love about this ritual is it's mostly nonverbal, which is just like a treasure in this world, at least in the culture I live in. People are just like, they want to just talk about everything. And there's some stuff that we can't really put words to that we experience, you know. So it's a nonverbal way of encountering grief, and it's a way of encountering the enormous complexity of grief, you know, like... Yeah, there's sadness, but there's other stuff. There's so much other stuff that often we just shut it off, you know.

[28:30]

But in my experience, grief is a path of healing, if it can be honored and allowed and expressed. And also in my experience, grief is a path of a lifetime. So... It's just like practice. We just keep doing it and keep encountering it and keep expressing it and allowing it through. And the more we can do that, the more we can appropriately meet the suffering of our world and the trauma of our world and of ourselves. Sydney. I had this great encounter with Sydney this morning that I want to share, so I'm going to backtrack a little. I was thinking about how often I talk, when we talk about Jizo, we talk about hell realms and hungry ghost realms, but I was realizing like, oh no, Jizo, Jizo takes care of animals too.

[29:36]

And I was standing in the courtyard and this very plump ground squirrel, who was quite handsome actually, was standing next to my feet and seemed to be fine with that. And I was standing there contemplating his behavior, or her behavior. And Cindy came up and said, are you admiring that ground squirrel? And I was like, well, I hadn't quite gotten there yet. I was wondering about the ground squirrel. And she was helping me to see, she was naming, like, you know, these guys, they live in fear all the time. And here he was, like, not being fearful. He was being, like, a fearless ground squirrel. She said, he's a warrior. I was like, oh my god. You're right, and thank you very much for illuminating that truth. And I know, I don't know, if you're the person taking care of the herb garden out here, you're probably not loving them right now, because I was watching a host of them munch away.

[30:41]

But it's true that we should remember Fearlessness, we should remember to notice fearlessness when it shows up in all of its myriad forms. And another thing I wanted to mention was Betha, who is part of our group, mentioned this quote that she read, which was, you can choose to live in love or live in fear. And I've heard that before, I think. But it struck me this time in a new way, that this was the opposition. And So it was turning in me like a koan. Like, is that the opposition for me? Love and fear? Like, I'm pretty sure it is, but I was feeling it out. And I was thinking about times in my life where love and fear were flickering in such a rapid succession that my experience was that they were happening simultaneously. And...

[31:45]

And I think in my heart they were happening simultaneously. But what I think the encouragement of this wise idea is that, yeah, that's a good thing to experience. But then when we're going to go act, the next thing that we're going to do, which ground are we standing on? And I was feeling out for myself the qualities of standing in love, that there's like, There's a kind of equanimity, actually. So I'm not talking about like crazy love. I'm talking about like real, serious, deep love. There's a quality of equanimity and spaciousness and like a wide vantage point that tends to lead. So if we can stand on that ground, even if fear is around, you know. for our next step and that could be governing our next action, usually things are a little more skillful.

[32:46]

Because then when I thought about the qualities of standing on the ground of fear, for me anyway, it's like it's tight, it's urgent, it's impulsive actually. And usually when I'm standing in fear, I have a really deluded but clear sense of like something needs to be different and here's how it's supposed to be and I need to control it. and I was looking for examples of that not being true and I couldn't find any so there's this false certainty when we're standing in fear that leads to in my experience anyway a bunch of unskillful action and a lot more mess so to be fearless I think is to stand in love to find the things in our life that allow us to feel the fullness of our human experience.

[33:48]

Love is connected, you know, without any doubt. Connected is, you know, we like to say empty in Zen because it's kind of cold and like intellectual. We could just as easily say, you know, we could say all things are empty. We could say all things are intricately connected. Endlessly connected. Standing in that ground is standing in the ground of non-duality. And standing in the ground of non-duality in a place where we can, for example, call forth the particular loves of our life and have that be meaningful for the person standing in front of us, whoever that is, that is living in non-duality. And that's the way we can make impossible vows like I'm just going to keep coming back until everybody's gone from the hell realms and everybody's gone from suffering. This is our ground of fearlessness. Thank you.

[34:52]

Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

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