This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So happy to see everyone. I've done talks like all my life, and every time I enter the room, I'm always like, there are people here, you know, Like, I don't expect anyone to show up. I got low self-esteem. So, it's okay. This is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for coming and being here to listen to the Dharma. And I'd like to share with you today from my experience of practice. And that's how I share. Thank you. Before we begin, I would like to just have a silent moment for all that is going on in the world, to acknowledge it and recognize it.

[01:14]

And without recognizing it, there's no reason for me to come and talk with you, share with you. In this pause, I recognize that it's not our practice, my practice, your practice. It's a collective practice for everyone, no matter who they are, what they've done. It's for everyone.

[02:18]

Pausing for the children, and who have lost their lives, and others who have lost their lives in the unrest in the world. All over the world, places we don't even know. Think of your friends, your family. They're here with you because you're here. I see them. Thank you for coming. I felt very grateful over the last year or so.

[03:28]

Grateful for having a practice. grateful that it was Zen, and I've had many practices. I'm grateful for Zen in particular. So I do want to thank my teacher, Shinbo Zenke Daisho, who's passed. And everyone knows her as Blanche Hartman, which would unnerve her because she wanted to be called Shinbo. And it never... Everyone calls her Blanche. But she told me one day, in private, I would be called Shunbo. So Shunbo, here I am and I give thanks to you for bringing me in this way. This practice of Zen and how it has helped me to...

[04:33]

lived in this world since I've been in it. And I practiced Nichiren too, which also helped me. So Nichiren Buddhism prepared me for Zen. Christianity prepared me for Nichiren. And actually Christianity also prepared me for the indigenous African and native practices I've been involved in. And so I always ask myself, how many transmissions do I need? I think I need a lot for my life. And I've been fortunately given a lot of transmissions to survive this life. And I hope you all have too. And maybe we can share that later. in Q&A. So I have something I want to share from Blanche's book.

[05:44]

Seeds for a Balanced Life. Zen Teachings from the Heart. Zen K. Blanche Hartman. Now she's sitting there very nicely, hands folded in her robes, and she's very much a radical. Very feisty. And my teacher. So, and I am actually her last heir. She had many heirs before me. Many. And I think all the people she brought into teacherhood were feisty. Had a lot to say. And so she just brought in herself. And I am grateful all the gems she has sewn into my robe. And she is here. And so this book was a bit of a miracle. I compiled her talk. So this is a book that I put together. And then she later took pictures with it. But she was pretty much on her deathbed, starting to die.

[06:53]

And I began to, you know, do this book, which I tried to do before she got there, but it was hard to do. So while she was passing, I began to do this book for her because I felt it was important. She was the first abbess of the San Francisco Zen Center and that she should have her teachings here among all other teachings and teach with teachers. In writing it was, to me, the transmission. because she wasn't with me to write the book. I had to kind of do it on my own. So I would sit in my kitchen table, and I would just listen to all the talks. I didn't translate them. I had them translated. But I would listen to them and listen to her talk. And all of a sudden, like I knew who she was, like I didn't know before. Like, wow.

[07:56]

Did she ever tell me that? You know, like, well, it was just so powerful. And she truly is, truly is a disciple of Suzuki Roshi. And in the old days, she's very old school, not old, but old school in terms of her thinking in which students pretty much expound the teachings of their teacher. You see that in other traditions like Thich Nhat Hanh. And so she really did expound the teachings of Suzuki Roshi. So, but... in relationship to her life and how she experienced it and in relationship to her practice. So if you have some extra time and you want to know a little bit about how a disciple of Suzuki Roshi walked the path of Zen, this is a nice book. And you can read it whichever way you want, cover to cover. You can pop it open like I usually do.

[08:58]

And because, of course, I read every word a lot in terms of when I edited it. I didn't expect to be the editor, but it came about. And I accepted it, hesitated, and then accepted it. Because I was also writing The Way of Tenderness at the same time. And that's a book some of you may know. And so these two books were being written at the same time. two different publishing houses, and I was starting to get confused of who was the editing team from where, because it was very confusing. The thing about this one, I wanted it done before she died, and she was already very weak and fragile. And I said, can this book come out in the spring of next year by then, you know, as fast as we can? And they said, sure, sure, sure. You have to write it in 30 days. I did.

[09:59]

I produced it. I was at that kitchen table a lot, day and night. I produced the writings, whatever teachings, that that to be on the table is what she wanted. And at the same time, I was writing The Way of Tenderness, and pretty much both of our books kind of came out almost at the same time. Mine's a little ahead than hers. Came out. And I thought that was very apropos. Because there is another, a follower of Suzuki Roshi's student. I'm following this student of his. And so it was very ancestral. I love Zen because it is an ancestral practice. Like practices in which before and before and before the teachings have been passed down. I think you can create other paths and then maybe in a thousand years, they will be solid and people will be practicing it.

[11:07]

So anyway, the quote I want to share from her book, to me, it's actually a Dogen Zenji quote, so not Tsukiroshi. So she had many teachers. She loved Dogen Zenji was not, it was founder of Soto Zen, so, of course, he wasn't around. When she was, her other teacher was Kosho Uchiyama. She really loved him, and so a lot of her work comes from there. But this is one that she loved, a quote from Dogen, Dogen Zenji. And I think it's important for today, and we'll talk about it. To expound the Dharma, To expound the Dharma with this body is foremost. To expound the Dharma with this body is foremost. Its virtue returns to the ocean of reality.

[12:12]

Its virtue returns to the ocean of reality. It is unfathomable. We just accept it. with respect and gratitude. Or not. Or not. So when I read this the other day, to expound the Dharma with this body is foremost, is what I have experienced and hoped also to share when I'm speaking. So not so much Zen juice thinking, Zen juice talking, Zen juice this, Zen juice, whatever, but that somehow that my body is espousing foremost the Dharma, the teachings, or the cosmic law, if you want to say it, or nature.

[13:14]

And when I first met the first three people, African-American women of descent I met at a conference way back at Spirit Rock. And almost everyone in that room is now a teacher, which is interesting. So over 20 years. It's been 20 years. At least 20 years. So I was listening to them talk each one. There were three of them. They would get up and they would bow. bow to their seat and then bow out. I would watch them like, what are they doing? And then each one did it when it was time for them to speak. And then they would sit. And then they would breathe. And each one spoke. And afterwards, I really don't remember a word either one said. I have no idea, even today.

[14:18]

I try to think about it. And they were the only Zen teachers or practitioners. They were senior practitioners at the time. And I said, they're doing something. What are they doing? And I said, whatever it is, I need that. They're doing something with their body. I said, there's something with the body they're doing. And I remembered it. And soon as the retreat was over, quickly walked myself to the Berkeley Zen Center, well, Joe, to the Berkeley Zen Center, where I started practicing many, many years ago. I don't even remember years anymore. I can't believe how fast it's gone. But I remember that body, and that's when I read this, to expound the Dharma with this body is foremost, the first...

[15:19]

I thought about wisdom, you know. And then my own body, of course, you know, expounding the Dharma each moment, each year. And what does that look like? And what does that mean to expound the body, the Dharma in this body? You know, and not to go to the meaning here. are not to decide what I should do to expound it, to make sure that it's right, make sure that the Dharma's right, to make sure that the teachings woo you. It has to come from this place. I learned early on that the teachings had to become, and I picked one or two teachings when I started, which I held onto for decades.

[16:20]

I never just went into all the teachings. And my first teaching was what's prescribed on the Han, which is the wooden drum that you hear, boom, [...] outside. Don't waste time. You know, life is passing, don't waste time. And I would get nervous with that teaching at first. Very nervous, like, oh my gosh. You know, I don't want to waste time. But I noticed after about 10 years practicing it, I wasn't nervous any longer. I began to just live it and not worry. And that, to me, was a transmission that came in my body as well, to not be so anxious. about getting the Dharma and having the Dharma, expounding the Dharma, being the Dharma, being Buddhist. I always tell my students, and please, please, don't be Buddhist.

[17:24]

And they look like... Please, please, don't speak like a Buddhist. No buddhis. Don't be buddhistic. Just get your lunch and eat it. Enjoy it. And you will be successful. You will be successful no matter what. Because it doesn't matter where and when and how the body is expounding the Dharma. And I knew I was suffering when I came. I'm suffering now. I had questions about my life and why I suffered so much for how I was born, how it was embodied, the way I look, how everything was just suffering. And to discover all of that was the Dharma too?

[18:31]

Wow. All of that's the Dharma. All of it was the Dharma. And still is. But in different ways as you pass on. So to expound the Dharma with this body is foremost. And I just recently experienced my own body going down in some way and not being well. And I was alone. Alone in my house. And I had surgery. In the beginning, I would cry and cry and cry because I was by myself. And then at points when the pain would hit, I would scream in the dark, in the night. And that too is the Dharma. That screaming. The aloneness. The darkness. All of it was Dharma.

[19:32]

Of the body. Being expounded. in the way that it was to be expounded at this time and continues. The second part of this verse that I like, this quote, its virtue returns to the ocean of reality. That's the body. Its virtue returns to the ocean of reality. And it is unfathomable. And so I was just walking in the land, Green Gulch, and I tend to feel like I'm floating all the time because it's just so beautiful. And I was walking, and I was walking really fast, and I could tell as a voice, why are you walking so fast? And my mind said, I have to hurry up, I have so much to do.

[20:34]

And I was, and in the moment, I don't know what it was, but I felt my body turn to dust. I don't know what that was. I saw it. I felt it. It scared me. And I stopped and lived in that dustness for a moment, that this is dust, you know. And it was this feeling of, oh, oh well. I guess I'm not going to get done what I was going to do. It was that kind of feeling. But it wasn't painful, and it didn't hurt. And I just was scared for only a moment. And I did continue to walk, slowly, way slow. And then I entered my cabin and began to cry.

[21:38]

about all the things I won't finish, because there will be some things. It's just never a way it's going to all be done, you know. But it was powerful. And that's how you embody the teachings rather than I can read a lot of things about dust and Zen to you, and they're beautiful, even my own poetry on dust. But to live it, letting the body be the foremost, and then the reality, you know, where it returns is unfathomable. In the last months, I've lost six people, so some of this is grief. I'm sure you might have had some of that yourself. Sit you down, Blanche.

[22:47]

I think they got it. The last part of that statement was, we just accept it with respect and gratitude. This body, it's the reality, this unfathomable reality. You know, we go there, we don't, you know. You know, I'm glad I wasn't sitting in and thinking into death. It just kind of happened, you know, to become dust. And I think the body, we patch it up a lot, you know. We rely on it. This morning we relied on these bodies to walk us here or first even get out of bed, get dressed, do what we had to do. Think about other things your hands did today already. You know, I was being taught one by one person to love myself. And she said, let's just start with your hands.

[23:49]

I want you to love everything your hands do. And the day, I was like exhausted, you know. I said, okay, hands, I love you. I love you, hands. Okay, buddy, you know, I love you and what you do for me. And I think the most important thing, though, about the body is the breath. Because while you can get, your knee goes out, you get a new knee. I mean, you can even get surgery on your eyes if you have cataracts. Or, you know, maybe there's several of us in here who had lost something of our bodies. And then we work on getting it back. And so we rely on the body.

[24:50]

But I believe that the most important thing we rely on is the breath. We want to rely on our teachers. We want to rely on Zen. Does it work? We want to rely on all the things that we do, all the medicine transmissions in our basket. But ultimately, we rely on the breath. We rely that we're going to be breathing. We're relying on the breath right now. I'm relying on it. No breath, end of Dharma talk. Sorry. No breath. End of listening. Now someone always told me, but you don't know what happens, you know, and I don't when all that is gone.

[25:54]

I love this. I love poetry. That's part of what got me into interested in Zen was all the poetry that was being founded, at least at the time I entered. I trained at City Center, and I tell a lot of people I've been in the Zen Center for 25 years. A lot of people don't realize they never really, I guess, saw me there. And I was pretty quiet anyway, you know, until she's so, when they make you talk. And I wasn't a talker at that time. I became one, and now I'm going to have to go back and become silent. I became a talker, but poetry, this is something I read recently by Kabir, 15th century, East Indian, a poet. And he said, I love this, I am neither Brahmin, I am neither Dharma or Karma.

[27:01]

It is the breath that I am, that I rely on. He's saying that he has faith in not to be a Brahman, for me not to be a priest, a Zen priest. I don't know if I'm a teacher yet. I tell my students, you have to tell me if I'm a teacher. I don't know. And you may learn something, and then you don't, and then you do. So that's not, it's an iffy thing. But priest, I did it. I took the vows. And no matter what I'm doing, even if I'm strolling along in the streets, I'm that, in here, not out there, you know. I don't go off and say, oh, it's in Greece, you know, which would cause more trouble anyway, because they don't even know what I'm talking about in those people. Like, I don't know what that is. I am neither Brahmin, I am neither Dharma or Karma. It is through the body, through the breath,

[28:06]

that dharma is revealed. And he is saying that he has faith in the breath, and he relies on the breath. And this can be helpful when you get disappointed with practices and teachers and sanghas and food, everything, anything that's disappointing that just you struggle with, we struggle with, we struggle with as humans. And so... My desire was to be a no-rank monk. And that means you don't really have any titles or anything, you know. You just absorb, you meet the teachings. And you go, oh. And some of you go, no, I'm not doing that.

[29:07]

I did that in the beginning. I'm not doing that one. I don't like that teaching. And then you spend a lot of time learning that one teaching. I'm just encouraging you to do that. To allow that teaching to become a beloved and tell that teaching is you as a beloved. It's your body, in your body. And don't look for someone to find it in you as well. You know, can they tell I have been practicing for, you know, no. A friend of mine said, you, you certainly have a lot of anxiety. And I said, oh, my God, that's exactly why I'm practicing. For 100 years. For 100 years, I will. For 100 years.

[30:08]

And I always ask people, do you want to come along with me? You know, I want you to be my teacher. Do you want to come along with me and walk 300 million miles for 300 million years? Because that's where I'm going. Come on, let's go. And I can stop and thought, oh, I've seen that before. Let me tell you about that, how I experienced that. Let's see how you experience that in your body. If I say right now, be still. Be still. What really happens in your mind? Be still like what?

[31:15]

Wasn't I already still? Can I be still while I'm walking? Can I be still while I'm working? Can I be still while I'm sleeping? Can I be still? Or be still, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Be still. Watch that too. Uh-oh. Mom said be still. I was practicing at the Color of Compassion, the first one at Thich Nhat in San Diego at Escondido Deer Park. Is it called Deer Park? I practiced a long time. Deer Park. And every time, they have a pause bell. So we're all new. Most people are new. So the bell rings any time. You could be just on your way somewhere, and the bell will ring.

[32:20]

So I noticed people struggling, you know, because I kind of already been practicing for, by then, maybe 30 years. I'm old, okay? So first of all, just in case you don't know I'm an old lady. But people would go, the bell would ring, and everybody would be walking, and they would go... when the bell would ring. You know, or they would be eating... And I had a great joy in that, watching people. But it was mainly just really slow down and stop your thoughts. To stop what you... how you're engaging something in the moment, how you're engaging it. You know, rice. You know, how many, you know, how you're engaging, how hungry are you?

[33:27]

I need cookies. I had that problem with that. You know, I say, I need cookies. You know, that's what I was trained at, at City Center. We have cookies every Saturday, you know. And I lived with them. They were delicious. So just watching the body and how the body takes in things and when we be still and when we're silent, being silent, being still, that we are actually just going to that place we already are. You are already that. You are already it. We are innately still. We are innately quiet. Everything else we developed and created, like I said, I didn't really used to talk at all. People wouldn't even invite me anywhere. I didn't have any friends. I just really didn't have the energy to engage.

[34:36]

So with this talk, I'm inviting us in this world right now, in this moment, in this world right now, this moment, to know that you are bringing and we're born with everything. You've heard that before, but you are still, you are innately still, you are innately quiet, silent. Even if you're speaking, can you speak from the silence? Difficult. rather than just speak. So you notice how long it takes me to get to this seat. So I've been back there in the hallway. Then I walk up. With Melina, we walk in. And then, you know, there's an audience back there, too, that watches you do all of that. Bowing with the cloth. And so by the time you get here, I was saying to the Eno, boys, you're tired by the...

[35:44]

You know, you can't just take the Dharma seat. You have to bring your body with you. Big deal when the body traumatized, continue to be fearful, struggling with the worlds we live in. Allow that to be the Dharma as well. The body expounding the Dharma. you know, and to take the time to pause and mourn. We don't mourn as a country. We just keep going. And we've had a lot ever since 2020 and more before then. So how can we walk in this world and be human beings? And I don't mean, you know, how can we be kind and loving? Because actually you already are.

[36:48]

It's how can you find that in you? You know, people work at it. I'm working at being loving and kind because I'm so angry. And that's okay. You don't have to work at being kind and loving. You don't have to work at anything, the Buddha taught. He only was reminding us what he found. in his body on his quest. All the teachings came from his body out in the woods, sitting on trees, sleeping. He was a lucid dreamer. He got it all and he shared it. He wanted to share it. We have that too. There is not only one awakened one. We are all the awakened ones. Might not feel like it. Or how could that be with all that's going on?

[37:51]

Oh, no, I don't think so. I don't think so. Then what is going on? Not hear what is going on. Use your body. Breath that you rely on. Precious. So precious that it brought you here. So precious that it brought me here to see you, to meet you this morning. I would like to take the time now. I'm going to bow here for a minute. Let's bow on those words. And... You know, we have a Zen thing, you can wash your ears out. Take what is a gift and leave what isn't. It might be a gift for somebody else.

[38:54]

Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[39:18]

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