Good morning. Good to see everybody. I thought it might be empty. Zendo, the fire and the smoke, or maybe I was wishing. Cancel. Here we are. We are together. So glad you've come out today. And how many are new today? New to Green Gulch. First timers. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good to have you. Thank you. Can you hear me? Is my voice okay? All right, all right, good. So we live in this world where there's always something going on, right?

[01:18]

Always something, always something happening. in our lives. I remember in my beginning days as a practitioner, I went to see the abbot, which is the head teacher at City Center. And I couldn't wait to see him. I said, God, I've been waiting so long, like weeks. Sometimes it's hard to get in. There's so many students. And when I got there, I was like, whew, finally, you know, I'm going to get everything taken care of. And so I started talking to him about, you know, all the things going on in my life and, you know, all the things going on at the Zen center that was like really, you know, like bothering me. And I had this and I had that and I had it all laid out. And, um, he's just sitting there and I'm like, Oh God, is he listening? Yeah. You know, cause you, cause you're waiting for some, yeah. Or like, can I, can you feel me or anything like that?

[02:19]

And, um, He sat there and complete, you know, composed with his mudra. And it's just this, his mudra and his breath. And just listened and received everything that I was saying to him. And in the end, I said, you know, like I was waiting for this really, now give me some profound, you know. words you know i'm ready to transform this moment and uh and he says he leans and he says what sounds like you're alive and i was like yeah this is not an answer this is not an answer to all that i just shared with you and And so, but I, and I was, I was not happy.

[03:20]

And I left the, you know, we had, I gave him a little more, a few more things that might drag him into my story. You know, that might make him, you know, come on, feel me. And, you know, he said, it's about being alive, you know, every day. You know, when you're alive, things are coming at you and to you. And you're a part of it. You may have created it. You may not have. And we just continue to talk about this place of being alive. And like I said, I wasn't happy with it. And a matter of fact, I think it took me a whole month to get over it, because I said, I'll never see him again. And I'll never share again, because I felt all exposed. I sat with it for a long time, as simple as it was. What did that mean? What did that mean? And why was that the response to everything?

[04:20]

Because I had so many different things. You know, why would that one response be it, that you are alive and it's evidence of your life? It's evidence of you being here on this earth, in this world. And so it became quite the koan for me for a long time. I didn't see him for a year after that. I think I had enough with that one koan, you know, just like, OK, so there's this life and things are going on. But I came here to kind of end some of this stuff going on and the suffering. And I didn't understand why there wasn't a formula, a method, an approach, a technique, a profound statement to knock me into awakeness and awareness. And so I still sit with this every day because why?

[05:21]

I'm alive. So every day there's this koan about being alive and what it means. And so today I wanted to share with you, after all these years, it's maybe been two decades since that time, this koan still sit with me and still sits with me. And I look out into the world. I feel the world. I hear the news. I talk to my friends. I'm on Facebook. I'm going, oh, my God, oh, my God. And, you know, every post, oh, my God. And then I just take my phone and go, you know, after a while. It's overwhelming. And so I said, but these things are happening now. These things are happening and I don't want to ignore them. So what do I do? Do I jump up and go out and do, oh, well, there's this happening and there's that happening and there's this happening.

[06:22]

There's also my practice. What do I do? What do I do with everything that's happening? And how can I be everywhere? How can I be with all of the things that are going on that disturb me? I mean, almost everything is disturbing. To me, I don't know how you feel. But it's disturbing. And how do I live with that disruption of blatant hatred or blind treatment of groups of people? Just mistreatment and oppression of our spirits. and to have ways in which we feel oppressed in our lives sometimes about what we can do and what we can't do. So every now and then, I'm graced with words that come through that help me.

[07:28]

And I think they come from my practice. I'm pretty sure they come up from the sitting that I've done for decades. And because before, I didn't have this answer. I didn't, and I don't think it's an answer, but I would say I didn't have this awareness or awakening or way of looking at things. I'm very much a social activist in my days, and then as I became more and more deeper into a spiritual path, I began to trust it. And we can talk about that more later, but I began to trust that this was an answer to the human condition. You know, that it really truly was. And it's not the only one. I don't think there's one. It's not just one answer. And maybe it's not an answer. I would say maybe it's a way of us looking and seeing the world. So I came up with this came through me, and I thought to share it today with you.

[08:29]

And I wrote it down, and I didn't know where I would share it. Or why I would share it. What would be the motivation for these words? And so today feels like that day to share it. And I'm motivated by all of the things happening in the world, environmentally, you know, what's happening to us as people in this country and in the world. So this is the quote. Everything in life is an invitation to discover who you are. Everything in life is an invitation to discover who you are. It is not about that idea, that person, that place, but about the nature of your own human condition. It is not about that idea, that person, that place, but about the nature of your own human condition.

[09:32]

And once there is clear seeing, once there is clear seeing, your actions and impact in easing the suffering in the world is free of your own unattended suffering. It's free of your own unattended suffering. So I'm going to go back. I'm going to slow it down and we'll, what does that mean? And I'm like, oh, one of those, you're alive. So everything in life is an invitation to discover who you are. And so as things come to us, you know, the things that are happening now are those things that are shaking us awake. Shaking us awake. Or it could be making you drowsy, want to go back to sleep. or it can make you want to escape, make you want to run. Just think about right now the most things, whatever that is that is disturbing you in your life.

[10:37]

It doesn't have to be a world thing could be right in your personal life. You know, what disturbs you? What is disturbing you now? And that feeling of needing to do something about it or to tell everybody about it to make sure that somebody joins you in making that thing go away. So, just for a moment, what is the disruption, the thing that most, just eating, gnawing at you, at your gut. It's in your mind when you go to sleep. It's in your mind when you wake up. And it's all day long, and all day long you're walking around with this. And nobody knows you're walking around with it, but you are walking around with it. And you may say something to somebody do something to somebody based on what is that very thing that's gnawing at you, you know? The thing that hurts, the thing that feels so wrong, so upsetting, you know?

[11:44]

What is that thing? What is that idea? Who's that person? Where's that place? What is that? What is that? So everything in life is an invitation to discover who you are. So why is that? How is that? Because in that moment, anything that comes in to your life comes to you. And then how you engage it or take action, whatever action you take, is going to tell you something about who you are. Now, Mostly, we like it to be a good thing, that we're very good, whatever that action is, we take, you know? Okay, here comes that thing, and we want to be perfect when it happens. I want to make sure I have the right ideology, I have the right response, I say the right, is that right?

[12:46]

Should I say that now? You know, we want that. That's what we want. We want to make sure it comes off correct. Maybe we're concerned about whether or not we're going to harm somebody. So that's not a bad thing. You know, we're being cautious. You know, we're witnessing ourselves in the way as something comes toward us. And then so, but we're not too sure if this is an invitation or is it what? Something that's going to disrupt your way of being. Do you want to invite that in? Are you willing to invite that in? Anything that may disrupt who you are, how you are in the world, where you're going, what you're doing, are you willing to invite that thing in? Or if something comes in and it hasn't been invited, are you willing to take some time to welcome this message? guest that is not who you want to be having tea with right now.

[13:48]

Not interested, sorry. So what does it mean, though, for you? Can you invite it in for yourself since it has come to be in your lap, in your life, because you are alive? As long as you're alive, there will be an invitation to disrupt you. Whatever is there for you, whatever is inside you, it will always happen. No matter what age, maybe we don't have a word for it, but it doesn't matter what your age is either, or who you are, what your race is, what anything is, what your job is. You might feel like, oh, well, I'm a therapist, so nothing really disrupts me too much. Or, I'm a priest, all I have to do is go into my buddha, Breathe, you know. You know, but you're still disrupting. You're still, you have to acknowledge the disruption. Because in that, if you're taking it in as an invitation, it's an opportunity to discover something about who you are.

[14:54]

And in discovering who you are, you discover the other. And you discover the world. And you discover a whole lot of things, you know, by starting right here, you know, with oneself. And so when the teacher said, you are alive, was an invitation to me to go into my life. He just turned it back to me rather than go, oh, well, let's see what happened now. This, this, [...] this. How many six things, six or seven things has happened in your life in the last two weeks, you know? And so by giving me a broader perspective of this being life. So everything in life is an invitation to discover who you are. So discover your life. So we're not talking about personality. So some of us go, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm that kind of person. Not that who you are. Not that person. Because you really don't know who you are until the moment happens.

[15:57]

You know, you may find, discover, you are that person you hated. You might find out you're capable of some of the things of the people that you despise. You are capable of the same actions. But you might not let that in to feel it, to know it, as that you have the capacity for greed or hate inside yourself. So these are the things that... came to me when I started thinking about being alive. So who are you? And these things that are coming in is telling me who I am. It is not about that idea, that person, that place, but about the nature of your own human condition. So in the beginning, it's very easy to say, okay, I don't like that thinking. I really don't like that concept. I really don't like what you're saying. I really don't like the way you look.

[17:00]

I really don't like the way you talk. I don't really like this place. I don't like this. You know, all of these things can come to you. And you think it's about that thing, that person, that place. You really, truly, you know, you think it's your reality. It's what you're looking at, looking out at. When what is happening is happening inside you, in your mind. about those things. If you want to transform that into a place of more awakening and awareness, you have to go in that mind and see. You have to go in that mind and see what is there that is causing you to see things in a certain way, even if it's good. Why do you think that's so good? Because then you've done it before. You've gone to things or places that this is going to be great. And then you get there and you go, never mind.

[18:03]

I didn't know. I didn't know it was going to be something else. Because no, you didn't know. That is life too, not knowing that. So all of the things that we're dealing with right now. And the oppression, the racism, the sexism, the homophobia, you know, having a leadership that speaks sometimes against most of us or some of us, our hearts. You know, what is that saying to you and who you are? You know, you have to start there. And then we get afraid, like, oh, no, because I need to say something about it. I need to do something. I need to be active. You know, and and yes, I'm not saying that you do not. But can we find a different place in which we take that action? You know, is that action going to be taken from what you hate, what you don't like, what you like, what you, you know, this kind of like a menu thing or, you know, what movement?

[19:12]

I'm like, oh, well, I'm not so into talking about racism, but I'm very into environmental issues. And, you know, you might. find yourself doing that, you know, and not really, like, kind of seeing the issues in the human condition as a menu of things to take care of, and it's not a menu of things. It's looking at how we are as human beings, how we walk. I was in, had an opportunity to be in Mongolia a few years ago, and I was walking with a Tibetan nun, a very well-known Tibetan nun in this country, her monasteries in India. And we were walking up this hill that had a lot of altars and shrines to various monks that had been murdered. Because in Mongolia, they wanted to, they destroyed the Buddhist shrines and they actually got rid of the monks.

[20:19]

So even for us to kind of be there and be Buddhist was actually not a good thing to them. I actually saw a few nuns almost getting run over by a car. So it's not like, oh, they see a robe and they bow down to it. They roll over it in this country because they have a different religion. And Buddhism was not what they wanted. at this time was something that they, you know, acknowledged or recognized or honored. And so we were walking up this hill, this huge, I mean, this hill, if you're starting to walk here, where I'm sitting, it will go past the ceiling, up, up, up, past the ceiling, to this very, very old temple. Well, along the way, all underneath all of that ground, or the graves of all the Buddhist monks that were wiped out. They're right there. Their bones are right there, right in that ground. And so we were walking, talking, and she was telling me, you know, she was talking this other nun with me about the tragedy, you know, what was going on and what had happened.

[21:29]

And then I just turned to her and I said, yeah, aren't we something else? Human beings, aren't we something else? And she was like, uh. Because we could point to that tragedy. But is that tragedy inside us too? You know, is that something to point at, out at, or is it something that somewhere in us as human beings, as a human condition, in which we move from this side to that side. I'm on this side. Which side are you on? I'm on that side. Is that the right side or the wrong side? I don't know. Which side is right? Could you tell me which is the right side to be on? So you have to discover this inside yourself. So when things come to you, where are you and who are you? Even when she was telling me the story, I felt into the tragedy of that somehow. I'm not Mongolian. Never been to Mongolia.

[22:31]

in that time, but I could feel into the tragedy of who we are as human beings. You know, I could feel the collective feeling of that, never having been there, never being Mongolian, you know, and I wasn't there. I mean, this thing was long, long ago, you know, but it doesn't matter how long ago it was. It was today in my heart, that day in my heart, that day. And so that's from studying and inviting everything in my life as an invitation. Even her words were an invitation to me to, like, wake up before you become part of something like this, whether I'm the one buried or the one burying somebody, before I become a part of that, to be awakened up with that. And so... It is not about that idea, that person, that place, but about the nature of your own human condition.

[23:33]

So when it comes up, you know, to deal with issues of the world, the first place is right here, you know, so that when you do take action, because you're going to probably take action, even if it's your words, you're going to say something, do something, think. something you know so when you do it comes from that study of oneself you know where it's coming from if it's coming from oh I'm gonna get I'm gonna become a part of this because I was wounded in the same way I got hurt in the same way well when I was in Mongolia I didn't get hurt in the same way but I was still a part of it I was still a part of it even though it was long long ago because I'm a human being And I'm on this earth. Everything that has happened. Everything and everyone that has come through this way. And I'm thinking everyone in the room has been born.

[24:36]

I don't know about anybody who dropped in from someplace else. Hello, if you do. Welcome. But we all came in here, and then there was this world. And everything was here for us. All the medicine was here for us, the trees, the air was here for us. Everything was here for us when we came in. And we would leave it behind for others to come in. And so I'm very, very serious about studying life and the human condition and studying it in this way for me. turned out to be the best way. So that when I took action, it wasn't from my wounded, kind of unattended suffering around, say, racism. Because for me, I had a lot of experiences. I mean, crosses burned on the grass when I was younger. And this is in Los Angeles, not Alabama.

[25:36]

Los Angeles. And I'm not 80 yet. So it's not that long ago. You know, crosses burned on the grass, riots in the school, being beat up for what you look like. All that has happened. All of that has happened. It could be anything. It doesn't have to be race. It could be anything, you know, that could trigger somebody. So once there is clear seeing your actions and impact, And erasing the suffering in the world is free of your own unattended suffering. So I'm saying when there is clear seeing, your actions and impact and easing the suffering in the world is free of your own unattended suffering. So if you haven't attended to your suffering and you go out and you kind of act, you take action, you join a movement and all of the things that are bothering you,

[26:41]

I bet you they'll bother you even in the movement, which happens, okay, right? You get in the movement, and everybody thinks they're moving against something, and then, boom, the same thing that's happening about what you're moving toward happens right where you're standing with the people in the movement, and once you start looking at each other instead of looking out. That happened to me once at a march. I was marching. I was so excited, marching against the war. And then I turned to this young man. He really was not interested. He was only interested in what was out front, which was the war. This is Iraq. And what was, rather than what was, and I noticed that, oh, this is not the kind of place where I want to be. You know, I don't want to be where we're just here. I want to be where we're here and there. You know, if we're not here together, linked arm and arm. seeing each other, being with each other, interrelated with each other, trying to create a world of wellness, then I'm not interested in marching.

[27:50]

I'm not interested in a target, target practice. After you get, you can shoot pretty well. I used to be an archer. All it takes is just a little practice. You know, and you got it. You know, I'm not interested in archery. You know, and they're interested in targets, you know, targeting and then fighting who's wrong and who's right. I'm interested in what new ideas can we come up as human beings? What can we do together as human beings to make this place well? And we can still have our arguments, our debates about what we feel and think. That's fine. I think that they're that place that are invitations. Those are invitations when we have debates. We still can do that. But in the end, when we take the action, are we taking the action from how we're suffering? Are we taking the action about how we're seeing? Is there a clear seeing?

[28:52]

Or is it, this is what I learned what to do at the workshop, so I'll do this. And then it doesn't work. Why doesn't it work? Because it's different people, different time, different country, different everything. So it doesn't work because we have that thing called impermanence. Everything changes. So you can't apply an approach. You can't apply in a method. We can't say if you sit zazen and you sit meditation long enough, it's going to definitely do this. We can't say what it's going to do. Because it depends on your life, how you take it in, what you do with it. Is it a tool to you or is it a path? What is it to you? Why would you be interested in sitting quietly? Why? What is the reason? Perhaps there's an opportunity and an invitation for clear seeing. To see what?

[29:54]

This life. This life. So if I see this life, and I have come away from saying my life a lot, I say this life. You know, and life. because when I see this life, I see this life. You know, if I see my life, I see your life. I see your life, I see your life. And that's okay too, but I have to understand the difference, and it feels different. It feels completely different in my body when I say just life. It's so inclusive, you know, to me. And so I'm encouraging this clear seeing, if this clear seeing happens in Zazen or sitting practice, I'm joining you in that because that has been my experience. But it's taken many, many, many, many, many years, you know, for that clear seeing. And not waiting for something to drop out the sky or for a teacher to be profound or some teaching to be profound, to turn my life around.

[31:03]

No. And I had a teacher that just walked with me, and that's a teacher that just, and I walked with her. We just walked together in this life. That was it. She didn't make me into anything special. And so I think that that's what we sometimes look for. I was hoping to get to something here, but I may not. I wanted to read something, why we're looking toward a clear seeing. why we want to see. This teacher I had said the Buddha could have had just one Dharma book or one page, and all the Buddha wanted us to do was to see. That was it. To see. That's it. So everything else is extra. That's a lot of Sutras to say the same thing. So if you get one Sutra, you got it. Study that Sutra. So before he died, and this is part of the Pura Nirvana Sutra when he was dying, the Buddha.

[32:07]

He's talking to Ananda, his assistant, and he says, therefore, Ananda, be you lamps unto yourself. Be ye a refuge to yourself. Be yourselves to no external refuge. No external refuge. Hold fast to the truth, and the truth is in a big T, and I'll tell you why. Hold fast to the truth as a lamp. Hold fast to the truth as a refuge. Look not for a refuge in anyone besides yourself. And so then we look at that and go, okay, well, I don't need to be at Green Gulch, and I don't need any teachers. What are we doing? What is happening? He's talking to these disciples and these monks, thousands of them, hundreds of them that he's had for years, many, many years.

[33:09]

Some of them started, you know, becoming monks at 13 and 14, and now they're 60. He's talking to them, you know, that they have practiced over the years. So he said, he's dying now. He says, so therefore, Adanda, be ye lamps unto yourself. So you can turn this, we say light, you know, lamp, I like lamp. Where's your lamp? Into your cell. Where is your lamp? And how do you get it turned on if it's off? You know, where's your lamp? You must move from that lamp, that light, into your movements, into your actions in your life, and into the world. And so when he says, take yourselves to no external refuge... he's talking about not getting caught up with teachers. And in this book, I'm not going to take the time to read that, but it says Social and Communal Harmony. This is a very good book, An Anthology of Discourses from the Polycanon by B. K. Bodhi. Talks about, especially on page 20, if you haven't had the book, it's not like one New York bestseller, but, you know, on page 20, he really gets into the details of what that means, you know, about the...

[34:21]

What is it that you're not taking, not to take refuge in, you know? And so when we do come here, we're coming to settle ourselves, to settle our breath on our breath, as they say quite often in Zen, to settle our breath on our breath. And in that, we hold fast to the truth, which is the Dharma or the wisdom, you know? So where's your lamp? And what wisdom do you rely on? What wisdom do you rely on? You have compassion? Oh, I feel very compassionate, but you have no wisdom. Or I feel very smart, very clear. I think I got it. I think I'm aware, but you have no compassion. So where are these things? I'm just throwing these questions out. There's something you can explore on your own, hopefully. You know, that this is an invitation from me to you.

[35:24]

You know, to explore your life in relationship to all that's going on in the world. All that's going on. And to honor and give thanks for all that's going on. No matter how much it really does not feel good. Or for some people, it may feel good. You know, it may feel absolutely good. You know. So... and from a place maybe of their own suffering. To us, it's like, oh, no, that's not good. But we don't know if that's good for that person, why that feels good for that person. So I'm going to leave you with that and not bother you with reading from this book. But I suggest that you read a little bit from page 20. You can check it out at the library. I think it's one of the few books that really takes the Buddha's actual sermons and teachings and talks about social and communal harmony, sangha, and community, and how to be in community because we are in community.

[36:42]

We are in community right now, even if in a moment we won't be. But we are in community. And then... we walk with each other in here. So even as I have come before you and you have graciously listened to me, which I appreciate a great deal and worry a great deal sometimes too, that I hope that we, for this moment, that it can be profound enough for us to be interrelated. That just for now, that we are all interrelated, just for now, just for this moment. This is what I love about this practice. I love coming into the talk so that we can feel this experience. And I love when we're sitting and we're just sitting in this zendo and it's filled with 100 people and we're just sitting there together despite anything, no distinction. Maybe we all have some different colored roles, but it doesn't make any sense

[37:45]

to us when we're sitting and breathing together. When the bell rings, yes, some people are guest students, some people are practice periods, some people are, you know, this and that, when the bell rings and they're up and they're taking care of the ceremony. But mostly, that is a profound thing that doesn't happen in the world. This, what's happening right now, does not happen in the world, what we're experiencing this moment. And this is what I love, right here. Not any of the dogma, It's this. And this is it. This is the answer. To anchor this in ourselves and walk. And then come back and try it again until it sinks into you. Until it sinks into you. Maybe it'll take you a year. Won't take you two decades like me, but it'll happen. It will happen. We won't be so afraid. each other.

[38:50]

Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[39:19]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_95.89