Good morning. It's not in our nature. to give up what we don't want to give up, to let go of what we want to hold on to. You know, one of the attributes of the Pure Land is that that is not the abiding condition there. So when you go there to practice, you don't have to bother with that. As I think most of us have noticed by now, this is not the Pure Land.

[01:08]

At some point, you think, I'll sit for 20 minutes and find out what this Zen thing's all about. So you try that, and then you think, well, I'd better do it a few more times before we know who you are. you're signing up for an all-day sit then a seven-day sit and then if you really are a glutton for punishment you come to Tassajara we discover something in this discovers maybe something in this always knows that there's relationship between the exactness of just this as it is and the liberation of everything just as it is and then there's a working relationship between the discipline the dedication the perseverance

[02:33]

the bringing forth intention, effort, skillfulness. That even though it has within it some purpose. Of course, we're tutored endlessly in effortless effort, in non-gaining mind. But there's something about getting as completely as we can into the midst of effort to discover what that's about, how that can be so. And this getting into the midst. Even with our deep sincerity, there's hesitancy.

[03:44]

So we place ourselves in circumstances, conditions. Okay, well this is going to hold me to the spot. And of course it can't. We always find a little wiggle room. But to watch the whole process, to somehow become comfortable This is part of the territory of practice. You're asked for your best effort. You say, I wish to make my best effort. And then it turns out the way it turns out.

[04:56]

Sometimes you make an effort that takes you beyond what you thought you were capable of. Sometimes agitation. Sometimes old stories come back and they're preoccupying in an annoying way. Haven't I gone through that enough? Do I really need to relive that again? Sometimes the billowing up of a kind of miscellany of images and thoughts and a kind of opaque confusion.

[06:03]

There's an old Chinese poem. Meryl reminded me of the gist of the poem is, when you look at the mountains this way, they look like a long range. When you look at them from the front, they look like a broad range. And then the poet says, but I don't know the mountains. I'm in the midst of them. We are in the midst. of our practice. And the rigor of Sashin is to make utterly clear to us that we don't know the mountains. We don't know what's going on. We haven't got a conceptual map that details all the particulars

[07:15]

what's happening of course in our endeavor we pay attention as we settle in the more yogic aspects of practice what sustains energy should I eat more should I eat less should I sleep more should I sit sleep less Should I sit in Full Lotus? Should I sit in Burmese? Not that we're going to figure everything I did. That's a delusion. We'll always be in the midst of the minds. We'll always be in the midst of a subjective experience, seeing what our eye of practice can reach in that moment. even if our eye of practice reaches a lot, it doesn't reach everything.

[08:26]

But this studying the way, this endeavoring on the way, it has its own purpose and it has its own beauty. As we involve ourselves in these details, the other agendas of me start to loosen up, start to lighten up. As we become involved in the particulars of Sushin, be extra cold in this end of this morning should I put on more clothes or will I get too sleepy if I do that in some ways almost embarrassing self-involvement but then in other ways endeavoring on the way

[09:51]

if it's just simply held as well i want to be as comfortable as i can and i want to get my way as much as possible maybe it is just trivial self-involvement but if it's held as what will sustain the vitality of this body what will enable attentiveness involvement dedication. The factors of awakening are very human. Engaging the human existence with skillfulness is practical. So to hold these considerations to tutor ourselves on distinguishing between upholding the way endeavoring on the way and trying to retreat crying in the middle of being asked to give over finding a new way to hold back

[11:16]

This is kusala, that which supports the way. Enacted, it becomes sila, the activity that supports the way. Not that then we'll have something figured out We bring the inconceivable mind of practice. Practice goes beyond what we figure out. We bring that to these particulars of practice. Suzuki Roshi said, Mahayana mind, Hinayana practice. of yesterday we sat without the usual what demarcation of sitting and kidney to let each of us discover

[13:07]

when will I change my posture when will I do kinyin go to the bathroom in some ways we could say mmm well it puts us in the dangerous territory of self-preference But it also puts us in the territory of relying upon our own sincerity and letting that sincerity express itself through skillful discernment. This would be a good time. This would be an appropriate time for this. And then as the person leading Sushi, I watch.

[14:27]

What was the effect of that? The chanting got stronger, more resonant. Or maybe that was just the humidity of the day. Or utter coincidence. Anyway, it came to my mind. and less people set up late in the evening. We engage our practice as best we can, as diligently as we can, as attentively as we can, and then we just watch the consequence.

[15:30]

And how was it? So in one way, way-seeking mind asks us to leap into the inconceivable, going beyond, gaining mind, losing mind, going beyond any idea of what practice is or isn't. And then in another way, it asks us to look attentively and skillfully at conditioned existence. This body, this mind, vehicles of the Dharma. this sasin, one Buddha body, one expression of nirmanakaya.

[16:35]

And it's my hope that whatever way yesterday's schedule influenced you, that it made returning to the schedule feel a little more spacious. It's like after Shashin, the daily schedule feels like kind of spacious. I can take my ease in the middle. Like that. It's my hope. Something of the fierceness of practice.

[17:50]

To give everything. whether it's an act of generosity, an act of rigorous discipline, an act of desperation. There's one ominous little saying that says, trapped who pass through. First of all, you try everything else. When nothing works and you have no options left, then you say, okay, I'll really do it. Or somewhere along the way with innate wisdom.

[18:57]

discover that we don't have to wait to that point. That even though we don't see every detail of the minds because we're in the middle of them, we can start to see the profound utter request of practice. you can start to see what it is to give to it, to give over. You start to see it and feel it and become it as we breathe out. And even though There's an urgent request in our body to move.

[20:03]

But just breathe out and let this moment just be what it is. That when we see the mind take hold of the thought and start to bring up a story. Just open the hand of thought and let it go. We start to see that we can move into habit body-mind and resurrect the world according to me with all its dramas. and definitions. Or we can lead something hover in simple presence.

[21:11]

In the realm of the Dharma, purification. To lead what is be what it is when you settle the self on the self practice occurs actualizing the fundamental point we translate that from acute idea into an exact actualization. And it's not dependent upon having crafted the perfect conditions. Hopefully we can be skillful enough to craft the conditions, to be offered the conditions,

[22:30]

that keep us close and then from there through attentiveness to notice the request the presence the willingness to pick up the request So my hope is that yesterday, in this wide space, that such activity was being explored. And then if it wasn't, I thought tomorrow we could all sit in the creek. and practice the Kwan, let the cold kill you.

[23:36]

I don't know if you've ever had hypothermia, but it's actually a very pleasant experience. You shiver with cold, but you're happy. And your mind actually gets quite confused. Maybe that seems familiar to what you've had with all that. Even though this is our sincere effort to unfold the dharma, it's important not to get too carried away with our own solemnity. We're just lost in the mountains making our best effort.

[24:43]

endeavor on the way. So up until now I've been emphasizing choiceless awareness. You know, allow in your sitting to say yes to whatever arises. Turn towards it. Notice, acknowledge, experience. are deeply habituated to let whatever arises stimulate, trigger the preferences and prejudices of our being. To say yes when we want it and to say no when we don't.

[26:00]

this discipline, yes to everything, teaches us something about the conditioned nature of existence, teaches us something about not simply following through on habitual being, the activity of grasping what we want and rejecting what we don't want. Because if we take up an intentional practice with this as the background, well then it's just more trying to get what you want and trying to not get what you don't want. So choiceless awareness. And then as we start to settle,

[27:09]

Now granted, looking at your own mind, you might think, hmm, not sure that's the right adjective for this mind. Yeah. When you're in the middle of the mountains, it's just the tree in front of you and the stream under your foot. When you go out of the mountains and look at them from a distance, then you reach for your camera to take some beautiful photographs. When you're close to your own being, you see all the oddities that occur there. we settle into our unsettledness.

[28:21]

As we settle and become more perceptive, we see more of the cracks and flaws that are there in our makeup. But the seeing of them in its own way is an expression of our settledness. And the endeavoring on the way, as we diligently and sincerely looked at, okay, what is it to practice with this? What is it to practice with this? What is appropriate response to this? Bringing forth the spirit of way-seeking mind, of way-seeking heart. Maybe we see it in the midst of a mind and heart that are still insistent on having their way.

[29:33]

But most likely that insistence is softening, becoming less muted. become less active, muted in some way. So now as we bring forth our effort right into Zazen, now we can start bringing skillful effort not simply swayed by preference or prejudice. We can start to cultivate the capacity to experience more fully.

[30:46]

The challenge of choiceless awareness is that while it opens mind, while it balances mind, while it helps us to not turn away but to greet whatever arises, doesn't necessarily cultivate absorption. Doesn't necessarily cultivate experiencing in a rich way what's arising. In Zazen, these two are complementary. Master Ma was being instructed in Zazen.

[31:50]

This way of looking at the particulars sets the stage. plants the seed. The absorption waters the seed. In our diligent effort, this attending, okay, attend to this, attend to this, attend to this, this mind of meeting each thing. This is a big part of the wind of the Zen school. Okay, now do this. Now do this. Just say yes and do it. Now to ripen the experiencing.

[32:57]

So in a curious way we go back to the practice that we've always done. Attention to body and breath. But now to give over to it more fully. And as if that wasn't bad enough to give over to it without losing without abandoning wide receptive awareness. It's a little bit like looking at a snowflake as it falls, but also seeing that it's snowing, you know, that there's 10,000 snowflakes falling. But you're looking at this one. this is the experience of the moment.

[34:06]

At the beginning of Bendawa, almost immediately, Dugan says, although the inconceivable Dharma is abundant in everyone, it will not manifest without practice and without experience it is not realized. So we pay attention. What's happening now? The choiceless awareness. Whatever is arising is arising. Sacred or profane. Concentrated, distracted. And then something in the noticing, acknowledging and experiencing.

[35:18]

Something in experiencing. This is what into consciousness, into awareness, what's happening in the moment. This is what helps us step beyond more thoroughly the stories we have abided and experience more directly. Sometimes I think of it as savoring.

[36:22]

Sometimes it's helpful to practice with the pleasant. So when you're in the stream tomorrow, you can search for the pleasantness in the icy cold water. actually what I was thinking of was often in the rhythm of sushin we have a break or some moment of ease one way or another and there's a tendency to let that be a moment when feelings and thoughts Russian but that also can be a moment of just savoring the simple experience of the moment if you're standing in the Sun to just feel the way the warmth of the Sun soothes

[37:47]

your mammalian body bring it back to its desired temperature the pleasant quality of the heat on the skin or if you're having some tea just feeling the warmth on your hands the aroma Soaking up the experience. As it says in the sutra, like a sponge soaking up water. Zen coming from Chan, Chan coming from Janma, absorption. necessarily an act of great diligence or determination but some giving over and as we attend to it discovering it's very natural all we're saying is experience what's already being experienced

[39:20]

carry this with some intentionality. Knowing that as we settle, as we become closer to what's going on, that the request of practice is more about getting out of the way. It's more about not having an agenda. effort, our guided effort is to get close enough to experience to let the experience teach us how to practice. As you get close to the breath, let the breath teach how to breathe. That's why we say follow the breath. As you get close to the body, let the body demonstrate being body so we can direct attention we can offer we can give attention to the arising experience not as an issue of control

[40:59]

not as an issue of making something special happen but just to give over to the manifestation of the moment to see that even though we're in the middle of the mountains right there what's happening can be experienced fully. Right there, what's happening illustrates, manifests, expresses the whole minds. It's all an interconnected being. So that's my suggestion for today.

[42:17]

And then the practice stays the same. What's happening? What is it to practice with it? What happens when you practice with it? And the practice stays the same. No matter what it is, Don't push it away. Oh, no, no, that wouldn't be something to attend to. If it arises, especially if it arises with energy, attend. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma.

[43:24]

For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[43:32]

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