This question of suffering almost becomes rather intellectual in order to understand it, particularly if we don't feel it so much. Buddhist scriptures make the distinction between the kind of person who for example maybe can walk by a dog that's been hit by a car and the kind of person who can't or can walk by a city and not feel some need to do something you know a city which is hurt And also then the person who not only feels something but does something. It's often likened to the difference between a hair in your hand or a grain of sand in your hand or a grain of sand or hair in your eye. And for a person of aroused potentialities the world or suffering is

[01:32]

like a grain of sand in the eye. And such a person is also maybe because of this, no matter how strong you are, is rather fragile. I think such people are often in mental hospitals because you can't bear, you know, what you see. Even though some of what you see may be your own delusion. So, again, Buddhism is some way to help you bear what you see and to prepare you to open your eyes. There's a political side to the question. which I've talked about at some length with the Siddhi practice period but it is something you have to cope with what to do as soon as you see that whether you're a have or a have not or however you describe the differences in the world as soon as you see that neither is very good

[03:02]

and that you also cannot separate yourself from another's difficulty. When you see that, you immediately have some kind of religious life. And for Buddhism, since this aroused awareness, open eyes, you see any system of government or society as one of some makeshift stopgap, you know, without much success at the fundamental problems. So this leads Buddhism to, again, from this point of view, to the idea of Sangha. the community of people who survive through religious life under any society, and put at the disposal of others the fruits of that life. And for Zen particularly, because of Hyakujo,

[04:30]

who Suzuki Roshi described as a perfect Zen master. Because of Yakujo, we Zen people have the idea that each of us should take care of ourself and our community should take care of itself. So whether this is enough and we shouldn't do something more like try to change the whole of society, is a very real moral question which has to do with what you think reality is, how you perceive actual events of this world. But this isn't the fundamental root of Sangha. And when you know the fundamental root of Sangha, you will be creating Sangha wherever you go. It doesn't matter if it's this place, Zen Center, or some other place. You'll be finding out with others how to take care of this whole life

[06:08]

So, if you're the kind of person who can go to bed at night and get up the next morning and everything's pretty good, your problem of the previous day has been rested. It's difficult to understand the kind of deep motive or resolve that I've been speaking about. Or if you have some habitual framework of viewing yourself you wear it like the same suit every day and you may be changing actually quite a lot but you put on that same suit every day and see yourself as such and such a kind of person. And anyway, if you had some deep resolve or a deep aspiration, it's rather dangerous to have such a thing, you know, it's too big. So it's important to let your teacher do it for you.

[07:48]

to let your teacher know you, and then let your friends know you, and by that you may know yourself. So this function, this activity creates Sangha, letting people know. But what are we knowing, you know? If you're 25 years old and you think, I don't understand about this business of ultimate relative, or some of what he is saying doesn't make sense, or for me, Buddhism is, in my life right now, such and such. You know, that is a very narrow way of looking at your life. For your life is not just 25 years. So what kind of wisdom can you have now that's for your whole life? So this is the meaning of the lineage. The lineage is many, many lives. And Buddha's teaching is about your whole life now. So much of what I'll say and much of what Suzuki Roshi has said

[09:16]

you won't understand now. And so part of your practice has to be to be willing to not understand now. Because what we're talking about is for your whole life, for what you'll meet, for what I know you'll meet, and for what you'll have to do to help or to be with others. So how do you know what's for your whole life? Or how do you know what's for many lives? Because you are, you know, a succession of lives. And this is the lineage, you know. And so one of the things that Buddhist practice entails is the learning of the ritual and doing and way of conduct and way of thinking that's characteristic of Buddhism for it's the way you become a vehicle for your whole life and a vehicle for your lineage for all beings

[10:34]

But your life isn't just this discrete moment, you know, exactly. This moment contains your whole life, like a new seed each moment, with all the history and all the future here. So you need a teaching for your whole life, not just for you at 25, or you at some particular time. So if you want to follow the ancient path, which means many lives, you have to be open to not understanding now, and not oversimplify. And that not understanding, learning how to not understand is very close to learning how to live in an unconditioned, indeterminate world. When we are on the path, every aspect has its resonance and mutuality with every other

[12:06]

everything becomes quite clear, like many exactly similar things lined up. And you can see right through all form to its essence. This is what the beginning of the introductory word of the Blue Cliff Records No. 3 by Engo is about. So it means you shouldn't devalue yourself. I don't have such a great aspiration. Naturally enough, yesterday I gave you some categories and quite a lot of you tried to figure out which category you were in and whether you liked that particular category or the other category looked better. Or you resented being categorized.

[13:18]

But those categories are for all of us, all the time. Sometimes we're playing and sometimes we're quite serious and too serious, maybe. And sometimes we're lazy and forgetful. But your teacher is always waiting and your nature is always waiting. And it's not so difficult to see, you know, I can excuse me for saying so, but I can tell by what you do or how you walk pretty exactly whether you will be able to realize yourself easily or not. The best sign is when you, your true self, I don't know what to call it, but when your true self is completely visible for a moment, when you're rather unconscious, if it can be completely visible it means you have a good chance of realizing yourself. And it usually is quite unconscious. If your deeper intuitive side, I'll call it this time,

[14:50]

maybe three-fourths visible all the time, and sort of conscious, it's not such a good sign. You have something mixed up, and you are already placing some value on your understanding, and that is very difficult. But if you can be rather unconscious, can give up your aspirations and valuing to the lineage, trusting the lineage, that unconsciousness will allow you to grow, to reveal yourself. So this is another meaning of your teacher and lineage and the Sangha. Those we trust to reveal us, Without that, you know, it's almost impossible. We can't do anything too big. And the idea of a bodhisattva is rather big, you know. But if you have any idea of big, or value placed on it, you will fall down. Because it's only big in very simplistic terms. Actually, it's the only

[16:21]

Natural way to realize our life to act Each of you, you know Despite any distinctions I make. Each of you is perfect. That's true. It may be hard for you to believe it, but it's true. Dogen, genjokon, gen means maybe to appear. And Joe means result. What is appearing and existing on each moment, and how to face it without hesitation, without any limitation of reflecting on yourself, or habitual modes of thinking, or prejudice, or assumptions. You don't have time in this life to think about it,

[17:51]

So, if so, how do you begin to act fully, without having to look all the time before you leap? To act on. A benjo koan means each moment is a koan. Each moment presents you with something. And if you're lazy and think that you can let each moment slide by, and you don't have many tests. The idea of a test implies that there are times when there's no test, But actually each moment is a test if you're afraid. But if you're not afraid, it's just our activity. So the ultimate is this big zero, this blank page which you start from. This first principle.

[19:09]

So as you develop, maybe in zazen, your ability to not identify with each thing that comes, shifting this way and that, but have some wider sense, some kind of identification with something you can't exactly identify. Each one of you can realize yourself. On each moment, as you develop this sense, you will begin to see how everything is characterized by some, we can say sameness, but it's some, there's no way to distinguish value. Everything has some equal value.

[22:03]

And you will find everything on each thing. And the more you can act in this way, find, as in the Genjo Koan, your Buddha nature on this moment. Everything, this is the meaning of Buddha nature. Taking each opportunity. you will find what is meant by Buddha nature. For those of you who think too much or have some ingrained desire, need to create a person usually based on some deep fear, you will create even a false Buddha. And this is a pretty thorny problem. That kind of person, this kind of person is the person who is least likely to find the real path, because he wants to have his own responsibility.

[23:35]

he's unable to completely trust a Sangha. For each of you, if you can develop that trust, I don't mean in Zen Center, I mean in Sangha, which has no boundaries, willingness to give up trying to value yourself you can realize yourself pretty easily actually and you're all much better I think than you think if you can the fact that you're sitting already sitting you're already changing already, you know, in some kind of process which will make you more what you already are. And you each have different ideas about what you're doing, but what you're doing is pretty much the same. So someone said to me that I felt like Buddhism or I am pushing you somewhere.

[25:11]

but actually you came here and you are pushing yourself your practice is pushing you and all I can try to do is give you some suggestion for your whole life not just for just now so that when you need to know something it will be there I'm talking about you. And we don't like, you know, maybe we come to Buddhism so we aren't talked about. but I want to force to the surface your concern with yourself and ask you to let go of it. Can you just sit anonymously in this session? If you can,

[26:53]

And Suzuki Roshi used to say, you will find you include everything. And he said are the most important. Is there something you'd like to talk about? Recently, you said that confidence is becoming one with what you're doing. And that way, I've applied to some of the vocational projects, and they're applying to what you're doing.

[28:51]

Yet, you say you never get involved in conflict. No, I don't think so. If you use the word identity as something to do identity which distinguishes you, but if it's just like two mirrors which reflect each other, there's no conflict. But to be one with isn't... I don't mean exactly identify. Identifying may be part of the process, you know. In fact, it may be useful to identify yourself with things, you know, as an antidote to your usual identity. But just to be one with something, there's no process of identification either until you describe it. Yes?

[30:35]

Yes, there is. Actually, that's the only way to encounter people. It's the way you... and it's interesting because it makes you know them immediately. Because they're completely there just now. It's rather like also that when you meet somebody, you see them. And when you go away, that does not become part of their history for you. In other words, how do I explain? You don't say that out of 100 minutes, 100,000 moments in a day, you see somebody for five moments, and the next day you see them for 50 moments, and the next day for 30 moments.

[31:36]

You don't string those together to make a continuity of knowing that person. That maybe requires a different kind of functioning of mind. And much of what I'm talking about seems, I think, where you think it's difficult, it's actually simple. And where you think it's simple, it's actually difficult. Because it requires a turning around of the way you look at things. When that process has happened, it's an actual kind of physiological event. You don't accumulate impressions of people the same way to create a history, just as you said. At first you just try to look at them as if you never saw someone before, or as if they are Buddha. But eventually it's when you have turned around You can recall something by its situation, but not by its attachment to a particular person over time. It's a very good way to keep secrets, since you don't remember anything.

[33:00]

in another context you don't know it. Only when that context is renewed do you know it. So you are never under any compulsion to tell something or to talk about something or to relate to something which isn't in that context. Because you don't anymore see beings in terms of time. The way that we, the world occurs in various discrete moments which we organize into a reality. And if you practice Buddhism long enough you'll find there's a completely different way to organize those discrete parts. First you keep, learn, you practice by trying to let the parts organize themselves.

[34:14]

And then one day you suddenly see, feel, know how everything is simultaneously organized and you are participating in it. And when you do this you know what's going on. I'm trying to give you a feeling for what these Buddhist stories are really all about, and that they're not just something that exists in your familiar context. And if you try to understand Buddhism by applying it to your life, it may be of great value to you, some therapeutic value, and may be in many ways very valuable, but you won't really understand what it's about. So I feel some obligation, of course, to sometimes, occasionally, try to give you some suggestion of what it's really all about, even though I know it makes you a little nervous. Because you see it as something too big and enormous and difficult when I do it, and it makes you feel that you can't do it,

[35:42]

or it makes you feel categorized or limited. But you limit yourself all the time by your ideas and thinking and identity. So what I want you to do is stop limiting yourself. So the first step is to see how much you limit yourself. So when I point that out, By showing you, you know, something of the vastness of Buddhism, you don't like it too much. But really you're just recognizing an old friend. As I said last night, it's just us guys here. All politics, government, philosophy, every imaginable problem in the world is just us. And what are you? What is your own path? What is the way to meet

[37:14]

the problem you can't solve. As I said, if you can get up in the morning and see everything is okay, and you can forget about yesterday's problem easily, you won't willingness to really resolve your life situation. But you do have some compulsion to do it, you know. Some deep innermost request as Suzuki Roshi always said. Which has brought you here? Which has joined you with these people?

[38:15]

And yet now you don't really want to recognize it. And it's scary to recognize it, so it takes some time before we can recognize what's pushing us. So we get up as often as we can, forgetting about our problem. But when do you have that perseverance and ability to face what can't be solved? To see how completely you are not separated from everyone. And that you actually do feel already some uncomfortable feeling because you are not responding to your innermost request.

[39:21]

So this kind of subtleness, you know, because we ourselves are too fragile a vehicle, too young or immature a vehicle, we turn intuitively to the lineage, to zazen, to give us what we need for our whole life. So that's turning to the lineage. Turning to what we need for our whole life is the real process of practice. And the excitement of it is

[40:26]

the willingness occasionally to admit to ourselves what we're doing. We're doing it for a long time before we admit to ourselves what we're doing. Your friends may know, so this is the value of spiritual friends. Your friends may know, but you, yourself, you will let yourself know in little glimmers But what a relief when finally you acknowledge it. And initiation, you know, is a kind of marriage to the lineage. And acknowledgment is a kind of, when your teacher acknowledges you, is a kind of introduction of Buddha to the world, to everyone. Acknowledgement of that being which is for your whole life. That being which you understand by first seeing the world as samsara and understanding, you know.

[41:49]

until such distinctions as ultimate and relative are not functioning in your existence, unconsciously or falsely or consciously. So it's a kind of moral question of how do we do something with others. What is the path? And so you'll always be creating Sangha. Because as you practice Buddhism, you'll always be finding out how to do something with others and what that doing really is. Not samsaric doing, ordinary. endless doing, but you'll be, as I say, turning toward emptiness. And letting them turn toward emptiness in your shared

[43:13]

You know, one difficulty I'm having is I feel like I'm starting to have more depression. I started to have it before I figured I wanted to work in the music business. I know You couldn't hear what she said, right? She said, what worries her about this kind of practice is the potentiality for hubric overload or hubris or... What did you say? Arrogance? No. Presumption. I think so. That's of course true. But the real problem is actually more subtle than that. Because if you really are... If you can't

[45:09]

don't have any feeling for Rinzai's man of no rank. You can't really practice. Pretty soon you'll say, well, I'm going to stop practicing. No more Sashins for me. Or this kind of getting up every morning. First of all, if you have that kind of presumption that will destroy you, And if you can't survive that kind of presumption, that's why you trust the lineage. As Jung says, to be the poet or the teacher or the prophet or the artist or something, some archetype will destroy you. So one of the most important, after your Zazen practice gets going, one of the most important things that is taught by the lineage is how to avoid that problem, how to just be an ordinary person. But actual reality is just ordinary situation. There isn't anything special until you compare. So on the one hand, we have to use the language of, you know, the sutras use the language of unexcelled, incomparable, et cetera. Of course, incomparable means you don't compare.

[46:35]

But it uses language that is like that. But it means everything is just ordinary. Because it's just ordinary, it's unexcelled. We're not perfect, you know, but if we can continue this kind of practice, it has its antidotes in it. And also, as we come to see what's really happening, it isn't possible to be

[47:38]

Over weaning overbearing Arrogant there's no such realm with where that is meaningful So most people stop practice actually either because they're lazy or which is, I think, a very legitimate reason to stop. I'm quite lazy myself. But every time I lie down, something pokes me. I'm too sensitive maybe. But there's no reason at all, you know, not to be lazy, if you can be. So most people stop practicing because they're lazy. And I admire someone who can be honestly lazy. Such a person doesn't cause any problems in the world.

[49:05]

And the other reason people stop practicing is because they begin to think they're important. If you can continue to practice, you probably, and are willing to let yourself be in the real context of practice, and not establish yourself as something always just at other people's disposal, you don't have too much to worry about. Anyway, that's a good question. Can you hear what he said? He said, could I say something about how to penetrate pain or bear with it or something? But that's not a question that's so interesting to people.

[50:13]

Let me say something more about what you were saying. One of the interesting problems that you will face too is, such and such, if I do such and such it means I'm important. I've been at Zen Center so and so long and now I'll be Tenzo. This is not good for me because I will create it as some importance. The answer to that kind of thing is to not do it. You have to do some things which are the very problem which you're most weak in. So you can't avoid doing things. So how to do the very things which are your own weakness and not get caught by them? The answer is not to avoid those things which look like they will cause you some problem. For Suzuki Roshi it was complicated because he always didn't want to wear colored robes. He just wanted to wear just black or brown.

[51:39]

But his teacher finally forced him, you have to in this occasion wear them. It shouldn't make any difference what color. Just what you have been asked to do, that's all. And when you stop, when you begin to do as others wish you to do, there isn't so much problem. There's no way to penetrate pain. As long as you're trying to get rid of it, or avoid it, that's pain itself. So it's going to be there, just accept it. And if you have to move, move. But moving is worse, usually. Nothing helps. So eventually the only thing that helps is just to sit there. You can, Sukhyoji I remember said, well you can shift your position or lift your knee a little and for a second you have some fantasy that it's better. But you put your knee back down and all you can remember is the second when your leg was up.

[53:11]

And to go, to leave the Sashin, you can get up and leave the Sashin, you know, but then you won't feel so comfortable either. You can leave this planet, you know, but you won't feel so comfortable. We can't leave, you know. And this is just us, you know. We know that, you know. We stay here because we know that pain is just us. If you can quit trying to think about it and just be one with it, it will be easier. As much as possible, put your strength here. If you sit with your back curved, because you're not so used to sitting, you can put your mind here. But as soon as you can sit straight, you should put your mind here, this chakra.

[54:13]

Yes? Can you speak louder? That's true. I mean, you can box yourself into a series of challenges, and each challenge that you feel committed to, to get out of it is even a greater challenge. That would be endless. But if you sit with the feeling of being afraid to move, it's not really calm sitting. You have to feel free to move. So usually you finally can sit through the pain when you come to the conclusion, I'm darned well, or whatever word you use, going to get up and leave. And you feel completely free to do it. But you also feel free to stay.

[55:59]

Because wherever you are, you're actually in the same situation. And at some point you've got to come to rest. You know, usually we're always skating, as I said, just above our frustration level. But there isn't any reason why anything should be frustrating. Just to face something. And life is much more interesting if you can face those things which are completely resistant. That's some kind of miracle to be able to face the impossible. But it's possible. The Paramitas are quite wise in the way they're put together for us. Generosity first or some deep acknowledgement of our relationship to the world.

[57:03]

and second, conduct. Excuse me, second morality, how we behave and conduct. And next, patience. Through our conduct we get some ability to stay with our life and with patience we develop that. And then our real energy comes out and we have zazen and wisdom. So sometimes you have to come to rest through your frustration level, not always avoiding it. So I think this is your chance, you know, this is the reason we have Sashin, so you can meet that place and come to rest. You know, now, not when you're forced to because of some dire circumstances. Now you can do it.

[58:09]

in this comfortable practice. You may not be able to do it all at once, but you can do it. It's possible for every one of us.

[58:38]

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