. [...] surpass penetrating and perfect Dharma is rarely met with even in a hundred thousand million Kalpas having it to see and listen to to remember and accept a

[07:36]

To taste the truth of the Tathavita's words, an unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million kalpas, having it to see and listen to. To remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathavita's words. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million kalpas. Having it to see and listen to.

[08:40]

Oh, to taste the truth of love, to talk it to us. Welcome to all of you near and some far. And thank you for coming.

[09:47]

And what to remember upon awakening in the morning. Or we could just say, what to remember upon awakening. Good morning. Thank you for this day, for this moment. And welcome to whatever thus comes. What to remember upon awakening. Thank you. Welcome to this moment, to this day, to whatever thus comes. our eyes wide open and still, good morning, welcome, to this something that's like vast, wide, unknowable, ungraspable.

[10:55]

We don't know what's going to happen in the next moment. Like I wasn't even clear that I was going to say it in that way when I came in. But we say... Welcome to this ever-changing, impermanent world. Now, maybe if I was courageous enough, I'd say, well, that's it. We got it. Maybe you got it. But did you know or have you heard that a Dharma talk is actually an invitation into a conversation? This is like not a class or anything. It's an invitation into a conversation. And right now the conversation might look like it's between you and me. But if you get really still, you might sense that there's an internal conversation going on as well.

[11:55]

You're having a conversation with yourself. And what happens when we get gather together is that we remember together. We might be reminded or remind ourselves of something that we thought we knew or we wanted to know. So this coming together and remembering together what we're doing here is part of what matters. Or maybe you'll find out what you're doing here. That's another possibility. So some of you might know that we just came out of a January intensive and what that means here is that for three weeks people come from far and wide. We had people here from Germany and Austria and Australia, Sweden, Canada and across the United States.

[12:58]

And for this time period we sat together and studied, and ate together, and worked together, and washed dishes together, and worked the farm, and sojied the temple, and just basically took care of everyday life here in the middle of studying and teaching. And then the last week we sat a sashin. And if you don't know what a sashin is, it's five days of concentrated sitting. We got up at, we started sitting at 5 in the morning, and then it ended at 9 at night, and we had our meals in the zendo. So, concentration. And our teacher, our host, was Tenshin Roshi, and he's been studying something called the Avatama Saka Sutra, which is a book that's about 600...

[13:59]

1,600 pages, and sometimes I feel like it weighs 20 pounds, but probably it's five or two and a half. Anyway, I could use it for my morning reps. It's like vast. So I'm not going to talk about that. But what he did bring in the beginning, which is what I'd like to bring to you today, that has really registered for me, and I hope it has some meaning for you, that was a statement, was an invitation to us at the very beginning. And it went like this. Receive silence and stillness. Remember silence and stillness. Practice silence and stillness.

[15:05]

And transmit silence and stillness. Receive. Remember. Practice. and transmit silence and stillness. So how do you understand this for yourself, the silence and stillness? And why would even remembering this samadhi, this concentration, this calm, this presence, actually matter today? in this noisy world. This noisy outside world, and I don't know about you, but this noisy inside world. So, you know, I'd like to play a little bit with this transmitting silence and stillness.

[16:17]

What is this transmission, and what happens in this? In this silence, it actually offers us an opportunity to listen to our internal voices, and also to make contact with something that matters to you. It offers us, in the Zen tradition, we come into this silence and stillness and sit so that we can remember, what was it I wanted to do in this world, or what do I think would be beneficial? The Bodhisattva vow is how to be of benefit. In one of our chants, it says to save all beings. So now, parenthetically, I'll do a little confession. Saving is a little tricky. But certainly, being present for suffering people, being present for our suffering self, maybe in a way that helps liberate us in a moment.

[17:20]

So... In this silence and stillness where we can hear ourselves, we also have an opportunity to make contact with something that I would... I'm struggling a little because I had to look this up in the dictionary. I had studied with a homeopath for a while. I thought it was going to be a homeopath, but hey, life takes a turn. And he said that everybody has their own genius. So how I'm using that word right now is you have your own gift, your own particular skill, your own particular talent, your own particular way of relating in the world that really gives you juice. It might be kindness. It might be openness.

[18:24]

It might be curiosity. But really coming into contact with that at your still point and then making that be your referent. So recently, maybe before I say that, I want to say this thing about transmitting and receiving silence and stillness. I was impressed by... how much this tradition refers to that. Maybe some of you have read the books like Stillness Speaks, Sit Down and Shut Up, or Silent Illumination, Illuminating Silence, The Other Side of Silence, The Language of Silence. So this seems to be a big, big topic here. Silence, the way Thich Nhat Hanh refers to it, is the power of quiet in a world full of noise.

[19:32]

So going back to this thing that's your thing, our abbot, Jerry Yu, has been, in recent talks, focusing us on posture. And last week he talked about kindness. So some of you may already know this, but your posture is related to attitude. And your posture is transmitting something. Right? Okay, back up. I'm back. Okay. So posture is attitude, and that will show on your face and in your gestures and your way of being. And I've mentioned this to some people before, but apparently in sailing, if you're giving a communication to somebody about how your boat, your ship is in the water, you communicate that in terms of its attitude.

[20:42]

So what's your posture? And last week he talked about kindness. So that's one possible referent. And what was really wonderful was that this week, and he said, if I've got it right, is why would you do that? I mean, what for? Or actually, I think he said, why not? So this week, it seems like a small thing. Kindness might seem like a small thing, but this week I had an amazing experience of kindness. And I want to share it with you because I think in this world where there's a lot of turmoil and angst and trouble to remember,

[21:49]

to really remember that sometimes a small kindness, which for me in this case was kind of a big one, can come along by surprise. So I left here on a Friday after the intensive in the pouring rain, hanging on to the steering wheel to get back to Enso Village, which is where I live now after living here for so many years. and I realized that I had forgotten to do an errand. And so on Saturday, in the more pouring rain, I drove back. And before going back, I thought, well, I haven't had anything to eat. I will, because I couldn't quite find my way back on the freeway, I'll stop and get a cup of coffee at Starbucks. So I did this unusual thing of, leaving my bag in the car and just taking my wallet, went into Starbucks, got into the car, and drove back in the pouring rain.

[22:57]

And I didn't notice. Is this a good place to put this in? I don't know. I'll put it in. I didn't notice that I had lost my wallet. And... So finally, I got a phone message which was kind of very incomplete, and I couldn't quite hear. The bodhisattva of compassion, Avalokitesvara, I'll call this person Marie in this case, called and left a message which was very incomplete. So I thought, oh, this is another spam call. I didn't even pay attention to it. And... They went to the coffee shop. They went to the police. They actually drove out here to Green Gulch and connected with CAM. They called Kaiser.

[23:58]

They did a lot of work to try and find me. And in the end, it was a maintenance person at Enso Village that came and rang the bell and said, did you see my message? And, which I hadn't any... gave me this piece of paper, and he says, this woman has your wallet. And I called her and drove down in the pouring rain to meet her. There was a lot of storms recently to receive my wallet. So any of you, if you've had that experience or you know someone who's lost something like that, besides whatever cash is in it, you know replacing those cards and Somebody getting your social security number? I mean, it just, I was saved from a lot of distress, and this person put out a big effort. Now the question is, would that have been you? Could that have been you?

[24:59]

This kindness that she offered, oh, I'm not dressed right, is something I would like to share. Because that was a place, it was a practice of generosity, of ethics, of patience, of enthusiasm, and of a certain kind of gift and wisdom. So what is it that matters to you? And for years, I practiced with the word imperturbability. So the question is, what is your word? Because that has the possibility of what you'll transmit. So receiving your word, remembering what matters, then practicing, and that will be your transmission.

[26:10]

Now sometimes, Remembering the silence and stillness, what I've noticed, I come to it by understanding the noise. So as I was remembering, recently remembering this, thinking about this silence and stillness, when I first moved to Tassajara, they have something called a five-day tangario. where basically you just sit. There's no walking meditation or anything. You just start it. At that time, we started 4.20 in the morning, and then you go to bed at 9 o'clock at night. And by the third day, I was thinking, the creek, I went into January, and the creek was running high, but I thought, if I don't get some peace and quiet, I think my head will burst.

[27:13]

But where was the noise? It was this chattering mind. So one of the ways to maybe work through the noise, because that's usually in thinking, and in thinking is where our struggle, our difficulty, our confusion, our pain, our judgment comes from. What if you return to your breath? Mostly we go, maybe one of you will have something different to offer us, but mostly we go from thought to thought to thought to thought. But when we're sitting, we could go from breath to breath to breath. And when you get to the bottom of the breath, there's a little turnaround and it becomes the in-breath.

[28:20]

And even that doesn't last. Some people can hold their breath a pretty long time, but even that goes down again to letting go. Maybe that's a place to rest in your quiet. And when you get really quiet, There's a whisper. It's a whisper of what matters that can come through. Receiving, remembering, practicing, and transmitting. So I learned a new Japanese word. It's called, goes, mokurai.

[29:27]

And the characters are silent thunder. So this, dropping into this silence, I'm, this moment today, saying your thunder, is your gift. That will be the thing that you offer. Mokurai, your silent thunder. Sometimes it'll look like patience. Maybe it'll look like dance or music. Or maybe it'll look like art. But to think about it too much is just confusing. So we come here together and sit together, and some of you have come today. Maybe even somebody will tell me.

[30:31]

We'll have the opportunity for a conversation. What it is that brought you here that we might remember something together? What is it that you... want to remember or that you think you're forgetting. That would be another way. What did I forget? What did I come here to remember? Let those two opposites, whatever it is, let the opposites play with each other. So one of the, just thinking about this, remembering silence and stillness and wanting to take care of something big or to make a difference, I'm remembering one of the quotes that is attributed to Suzuki Roshi, which is, you don't have to shine a light on the whole world. Just light it up where you are.

[31:35]

So I'm kind of in the power of repetition now. You can see there's different ways to say it. I'm trying to find a way that might be the conversation with you. That might be the conversation with you. So I've been thinking about what is this one moment drop of reality. So if you put one drop Oh, I'm thinking of something kind of negative now. If you put one drop of pain or of arsenic in a glass of water, it might make a big difference. But if you put one drop of generosity or kindness in

[32:40]

a lost wallet in the ocean of a day it might make a big difference so this one just I want you not to dismiss one small moment one small word of kindness you know in this silence and stillness When we feel our sadness or our pain, our fragility, our strength, we remember our humanness. And in that atom, in that moment, we actually remember our connection to everybody else. Someone out there is having the same experience. Receiving.

[33:54]

Did you hear yourself fill the rest of that in? Remembering. Practicing. Not moving. Did I catch you? Did you say silence and stillness? And then I said not moving. Yeah. Practice and remembering and transmitting. So one of the ways that is important in this transmission is how we can extend this into our everyday activity of washing dishes, of raking, of not confusing sitting, like just what we're doing here.

[34:58]

But that presence, we stop moving so we can find that place in ourselves, that when we're on the farm, we're taking care of dishes, or you're in the kitchen cutting carrots, or making a soup, that you can remember this kind of samadhi. And then extend that point into your everyday activity. And what I remembered I want to read to you is a poem by Rumi that's extending into everyday activity. Rumi, where are you? Let the beauty we love Let the thunder that you are, that wasn't roomy, let the beauty we love be the thunder that you are, be what we do.

[36:05]

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. Let the beauty we love, the thunder that you are, be what we do. There are hundreds of ways, there are millions of moments to kneel and kiss the ground. Hundreds of ways to meet the next person, the next moment. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. Let the beauty we love be who you are. Be what you do. There's so many ways to express our appreciation and our reverence and our gratitude.

[37:17]

And it's each one unique. Eyes wide open. Welcome to whatever thus comes. Let this be your teacher. And don't forget to say thank you. I feel like stopping right now. But you know, I started by saying that this was a conversation. And sometimes it takes the courage of some first person to start the conversation.

[38:27]

I'm remembering once my teacher, Tenshin Roshi, this was when I first came here, we were in a class, and he said, sometimes someone speaks up or asks a question for the one who cannot. So you might be able to bring something forth in the conversation or ask a question for someone that you know that's not here or that's in your family. And Eno has a microphone. so that I can hear. But how do we make this come alive here? Can someone help me with their thunder or what they've been practicing with? Oh, breathe one.

[39:33]

Thank you for your talk. Is this on? Yeah. Okay. I have so much to say about this subject. You do? Yeah, I do. So when my mind is really busy, I go into my breath. Sometimes it gets so busy I have to walk. Yeah. And go breath in, breath out. And I do a chant to bring myself home. And after I bring myself back to my heart, I can be more quiet. Yeah. Yeah. It's quite helpful. That's wonderful. And in the morning when I do my three-mile walk, my point is to get into a rhythm with my walk and my breath. And I give people eye contact, and I like to connect to people. Yeah. So... And if there's conversation, that's wonderful. But I try to listen more than I talk, which is always very difficult. But I learn more.

[40:34]

Anyway, thank you. Yeah, thank you. You know, when you go to your breath, I've heard, when you go to your breath, it takes it away from your thinking and brings it into your heart. And there's a lot going, you know... I'm so grateful to my body that I don't have to think about the breath. Like, it keeps going without my being reminded. So that was beautiful. That, yeah, the breath will take you to the heart. Yeah. And motion. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Staying open.

[41:36]

Staying open. Good morning. Good morning. Welcome. Thanks. At least what I perceived from your talk, I heard encouragement to let my strengths shine forth and figure out where the genius is. And I see that that's really helpful. And also, I wonder what it would be like to try to uncover places where I'm not naturally strong in.

[42:39]

Could you speak about the balance between that and maybe clarify anything that I might have misinterpreted? I don't think you misinterpreted. Thank you. That was really great. How I would play with what you just said is that... Maybe what you might be interested in, period, or at all, is curiosity. Like, and where that would lead you. You're saying where I'm not so strong, so we'd say, well, I'll give you one of my examples, is a long time ago I realized that that I was kind of afraid of falling. And I thought, physically, I was kind of afraid of falling, and I thought that was also an internal attitude, and that might keep me from trying things, right, because falling is kind of, might be a failing.

[43:53]

And so what I did is I took up Aikido so I could learn how to fall. So you might notice something that you think is, that you shrink back from and be curious about it and see what action or what practice might call forth. How does that resonate with you? That resonates with me. And now I'm wondering how that ties into the original statement that you made in your talk about letting what is strong in us shine forth. Right. So thank you for helping open this. This is how we open this together. So in days of yore, Tenshin Roshi used to ask us,

[44:58]

what is your ultimate concern? Or what is it that's most important? Or maybe now I'm going to say, you know, like, what is your devotion? What are you committed to? And often you don't necessarily find that right away. Like, I know what it is for this week. Okay. showing up on the schedule. I'm devoted to that. So then you keep turning it until there's one that you just, you know, if it's thunder, you know, it's kind of like, aha. And I think for me, and it comes at a time, if you're really paying, for me, it comes at a time when I'm kind of paying attention. And I imagine I was reading like a, book on koans or Zen stories, and came up, what came to my mind is the word imperturbable.

[46:06]

And I went, oh, wow. So then that struck me. It's not that somebody told me that and said, oh, that's kind of what I'm doing. But anyway, something popped off the page. Or when you're listening to somebody, something will jump out for you that they've said or some gesture, you know. something that happens, and then you register that and then explore it. And then you don't hold on to it. You let it go and see what it reveals, what the next moment brings. Until you'll find what your activism is in the world. Does that meet? Sure, yeah. There's more questions there, aren't there? I think that's okay. I can read it on you. You're transmitting. The kitchen is going to do lunch samadhi.

[47:14]

that someone in the back? It is. I'm part of the great migration toward the kitchen behind here. Thank you so much for your talk. I wanted to share that something I'm thinking about doing in the next week to practice what you've shared is noticing the ways that people are extraordinarily kind. And I really appreciate your story about the wallet. And it reminded me of a similar moment that I had when many people did many kind things for a no reason other than to be kind. And I'm not sure I really noticed all of the kindness in the way that I could have. And it made me wonder how many acts of generosity and kindness are being afforded all the time that I don't see the smile in the parking lot or the offer to pause so that I can walk ahead on my way somewhere or a kind question. And so perhaps... I don't even notice that it's happening all the time in a deep way.

[48:40]

And I think I might try in a different way. So thank you for that. And anything else you want to add, I would be delighted to hear. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. We've got one up here, Kika. Yeah, I just... Thank you for bringing that in. And I notice, like, when I'm driving, if somebody seems to be really in a hurry and they're kind of like on my tail, I just pull over and let them go by. And then they'll blink their lights at me, you know, the brake lights or something. So, yeah, noticing these little things that we can do that actually make some space for people. Yeah. Hi. Hi there. Good morning. I have a technical question. Great. It has to do with timing.

[49:41]

So when we're sitting and meditating, my understanding is, and I know that the meditating is the goal itself, but the idea is... in my head, is to try to stay present with the breath and the moment. So to the extent that practice is also tied to revealing some underlying truths, or I'm envisioning this kind of like one of those magic eye pictures where you blur things and then something else pops out. Yes. Is that... What I guess I'm a little unsure of is that process itself is a thought process. So do you defer that to after you're sitting or is that a natural part of what's supposed to be or what may arise during the sitting?

[50:46]

That's a wonderful question. Thank you. Well, let me try this. And then you will be in a little conversation. So one of the things that in studying and being still is you notice your thinking and your discrimination and your judgments. And one of the things that I didn't say so far today is that, and I've said in some other talks, is that there's The first way I heard this is there's 64 mind moments in the blink of an eye. But actually there's like thousands of moments that are going through and we catch about 40. So one of the things that you realize in sitting is that...

[51:57]

Whatever you're thinking or whatever you're seeing is about this size and that there's a lot more going on in you and with you and with others or whatever the situation is that you can actually appreciate or understand. And that kind of leaves you open or has a possibility of leaving you open to wonder instead of knowing. And it brings you into this more vast, the vastness that we can't really hold on to. But to bring forth whatever you're offering in a moment. I think I caught part of what you were asking. And if the microphone comes back, Maybe you could tell me what part I might have missed.

[53:03]

Or can add to. Yeah. No, I appreciate that response, and it's very helpful. What I'm getting from the response is that the act of sitting and calming is also an act of creating space where other things can emerge. Yes. You should be sitting up here. Thank you. Well said. So I know we have one online, but we also have one that's right here. So thank you. Hello. And thank you very much. Very close. OK. This is a very good Dharma talk. Thank you. Thank you. I've been struggling with dealing with difficult people in my life, in the world. We don't have any of those here. Of course not. And I had an interesting reaction to a recent situation where I have a family member who I avoid as much as possible.

[54:17]

And she called wanting to come visit again. She lives back east. And I often make excuses, and this time I didn't. And when I hung up, we didn't make a firm time. I had this lovely feeling of, oh, I can practice compassion with her. And it opened it up. It opened it up for me, which was very helpful. Now, I don't know how I'll manage if and when she comes, but the dread went away, which was good. I see that as a... practice a tiny practice and what else is going on around us i don't know that i could ever practice compassion but it was helpful in that it opened up a little a little light and how that i don't have to do that i can have open heart hearted kindness for her rather than that steely dread that comes when i'm with her yeah yeah

[55:20]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you. You know, what comes to my mind is that when we practice with the breath, as you were doing, and it gets more subtle, and you get to the bottom where there's a gap, there's a space, and if you start to recognize space, you brought up and so did this gentleman, some space, you then have a possibility to find an appropriate response. And according to one of our Zen ancestors, this is a lifetime work. What is an appropriate response? But feeling a moment of... allows and sounds like you're willing to practice compassion.

[56:27]

Have that space, have it be available if I can possibly find it. So that part of dropping to the bottom and noticing the space allows you to bring forth what you want to gift. Yeah, that's so great. And if somebody is difficult, you don't need to immediately respond. You can always say, hmm, is that so? Oh, I see. I'm just remembering. I was having a difficult moment at one point with my mother. And I was kind of, not literally, but for the sake of this conversation, it was like gripping, kind of holding on.

[57:31]

And I just looked at her and said, I have to go brush my teeth now. So, you know, when it gets tight. I need a drink of water. Anyway, something that shifts you from the ego self-protection point or the attack point, go brush your teeth, whatever comes through. Anyway, and by the time I came back, of course, she didn't even register what was happening. So, yeah. Hi. Hi, Sonia. I've got a question from online. John asks... Can you speak about attachment to kindness and generosity? Oh. Attachment to. You know, I think you could be attached to that, like feeling like you have to do that.

[58:44]

That's how I'm interpreting attachment, like I have to be generous and kind. And then you might even have some idea about what that looks like, what would be a kind or generous thing to do, when actually your body is saying, no, thank you. And then, or I just don't have the capacity. So it's actually understanding, and I think that came up earlier too, What is my actual capacity at the moment? And can I be generous and kind to myself? I'm not sure if that's where John was getting to, but I think it's not grasping at it, but being open to it. So if John has a response, you can let me know. hi hi um something that i was thinking about as well kind of related to that question is i've been noticing at times like feelings of scarcity come up like in what i can offer or time and the slowing down really landed for me um but

[60:11]

to that point, I almost feel like sometimes there is more capacity than what I think I can give in a moment. Whereas if I were to check in, I guess maybe there is more, but the compassion piece, like I want to offer more in times, but it sometimes feels like I'm caught more in like ego based. So I was wondering if you could speak to that, a lot of what you said landed, but just curious if you could speak more to when scarcity comes up versus what to do in those moments. Well, I think I'll give you a kudo. I think if you notice scarcity, I'd say, oh, that's a moment of enlightenment. That's a recognition, right? Oh. I cannot do that right now. I just saw somebody lifting, I don't know, 150 pounds recently.

[61:12]

And I kind of went, I can't do that. Do you want me to spot you? But I'm not a spotter for that person. It's not the right time. And remember, everything changes. It's impermanent. Maybe your scarcity will last five minutes. Maybe you need a nap. Maybe you need a drink of water. Maybe you need a walk. And then come back and say, well, what is it now? What is it now? And that's an act of wisdom. That's an act of wisdom. I'm remembering when I was walking the paths in Tassajara and going, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm kind. I'm kind enough. I came to Zen Center because I want the wisdom.

[62:13]

And then I thought, yeah, but could I be kind like a string of pearls, moment after moment, even when I'm not in the mood? That's like cultivating... strength you know practice so whatever it is patience it could be patience it could be kindness it could be generosity fearlessness knowing when to draw back and when you're ready to stand your ground you know so you had some what I'm saying is that when you notice that that's a wisdom yeah I don't have it to give right now Does that help? It does. Okay. I like the curiosity piece. Me too. Okay. So my question was around if you are aware of your strength or your thunder and you obviously can't control people's perception of that, but for me, like, I...

[63:31]

I've always been a very openly loving person. And I've noticed over time that the perception of that has been like, oh, it's too much. And so then over the years, I've just noticed that true nature has kind of closed down a lot. And even though it feels like my most authentic self and... Sometimes I feel like ultimate kindness or ultimate love like isn't as outside of these beautiful spaces, isn't as like safe or as accepted in modern day world. So I was just wondering if you could speak to that. And I have the awareness you can't control people's perception of that, but just like staying rooted in your true nature. Right. Well, you bring up a very important word. So, and over the years, I'm just doing all these confessions here.

[64:39]

Anyway, I've had some difficulty around the word love. Because we kind of like, I love my dog. I love potato chips. I love to sleep. Anyway. So, I think without... turning away from your nature, it might be beneficial to understand for you to open up what the word love means. And it can be misconstrued. And sometimes loving someone is also noticing when to leave them alone. They might say, thank you, not right now. And then you say, okay, I love you, right? Or it might be, anyway, I'm not sure where you, different places you've been misunderstood, but sometimes you have your idea of what it is without deeply listening to what the person is actually requesting.

[65:53]

And out of this caring or this love or this openness, then you have a place to, there we go again, have an appropriate response. So your love can have a lot of different qualities and characteristics and ways of showing up and manifesting. That was a great example. Thank you. Yeah. So don't give up on it, but try to understand what it is you're actually wanting. Yeah. Because probably you want something out of it. and then that'll help you with the appropriate response. Thank you. Yeah, thank you for that. Did John have something? I'm sorry, I see other hands, but we'll take it outside with tea and muffins. And Sonia, will you be outside? I'll be outside. Okay, so we can continue the conversation. The conversation can continue endlessly.

[66:55]

so much for your kind and generous attention and for your questions. I'm so grateful. I came with God for all of us. [...] Thank you.

[68:31]

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