Good evening, good morning. So I wanted to give you a little update on the news from Green Gulch Farm and the best laid plans of mice and Zen students. I had planned to be doing Jukai actually about two hours ago at Green Gulch and was very much looking forward to that. So Guy and Lisa Plant Department were going to be here at Green Gulch and we were going to do that and I have been preparing for that for quite a few days and they have and it was very something really exciting that we were going to be doing and then about four days ago or five days ago our first COVID case showed up at Green Gulch and within These few days since then, there are eight people who have COVID and four people who are ill with other things, not sure yet, haven't tested positive and a couple of people who left out of concern for their own health, which I think was a very wise thing to do.

[01:13]

So I was just in a meeting with all the leadership and the senior staff at Green Gulch. We talked for about an hour and a half, like, what do we do now? You know, I think... It's reminding me again and again of one of my reoccurring mottos is that reality always wins. You know, so we have the situation and it's really happening and we're having to respect the behavior of this virus and how it affects people. And it's quite serious, as you all know. We're all living with this virus now, planet Earth. So Gringotches, basically everyone's masked and we have postponed the Jukai and hopefully sometime later this year, maybe in the spring or the summer, be able to make plans to do that again. Some of you may be joining then. So, you know, this is our world.

[02:16]

And I think this teachings of time being and Dogen and transiency and not getting caught, you know, not holding on tightly to things, to ideas and to views is very helpful when, in fact, you can't hold on to views or ideas. They're just slipping away. So I've, you know, kind of reoriented my thinking around what needed to happen and had a really nice conversation with both Lisa and Guy and we're all, you know, both sad and grateful that everyone's healthy. so far Lisa's been feeling not so well but apparently so far anyway you know gratefully has not tested positive so so we'll see you know each day as we're all recognizing with one day at a time one new piece of information at a time and so right now we've been in the first week of the January intensive which is every year at Green College there's a three-week very wonderful

[03:21]

concentrated period of practice and people come actually from all over the world. I think Reb was saying that there are people from all of the continents except Antarctica and Green Gulch right now. So we had folks come in from all over the place and several of them are ill. So we're taking care of them and we'll take care of them as long as we need to. And so we're making some shifts around how the teachings will be offered. Everything's going to be online pretty much. Dharma talk this morning if you went to the Green Gulch Dharma talk was online and everyone who was there was masked and I think Reb is going to be offering his class online for the rest of the intensive and they're not going to be doing or Yoki meals which was is always a kind of centerpiece of the practice so people would be back to eating in the dining room together So that's what just happened and is happening, and I think my heart goes out to everyone, and right now I'm fine.

[04:23]

I have been around those folks, and right now I'm not going to any activities that involve large groups of people at Green Gulch, and I'll see how it goes before returning to the Zendo myself. So I wanted you to know that, and I wanted you to... particularly know that I had mentioned last week that probably I would be talking about the Jukai that had just happened. So that's certainly not what I'm going to be talking about right now. So what I am going to be talking about, and I want to leave time for all of you to respond. In fact, if you have anything you'd like to say right now, you're more than welcome to do that. If there's any comments you'd like to make or information you'd like to share, you're certainly welcome. Hi, Gi. There's Gi. Yeah. And I don't know if Lisa's here. I can't see her. I'm going to go on to gallery for a sec and see if Lisa's here too.

[05:25]

Lisa, are you here? No, I don't see Lisa. No. Anyway, well, we have Gi. That's very nice. So what I thought I'd do today, I have been talking about ending our relationship with the transmission of light. literally, but ending the text, the study of the text. And I thought of, you know, basically using this evening as an opportunity to talk about the very last chapter, chapter 40, which is Koan Eijo, Dogen Zenji's disciple who became the second abbot of Eheiji, Dogen's temple in Japan. And so then what I did is I looked back to when I first began talking about the transmission of light. And I was kind of stunned to find that the date of that first talk was August 23rd, 2020. So it's been three and a half years of being together and talking about the chapters of that book, which has been just very wonderful for me.

[06:30]

And I think all of you who've stuck around have been finding it really encouraging, all these stories about awakening. of our ancestors. It's just amazing. And I'm both sad and happy to be moving on to some other dharma teachings, particularly, I think we all agreed that we might find it interesting and helpful to look at Suzuki Roshi. So if we keep looking at the lineage and all the ancestors, you know, Suzuki Roshi is the nearest ancestor for us. He came to America. He brought these teachings. from Japan and in doing so he also discussed a lot of the ancient teachings of the Zen ancestors, his own Zen ancestors, both China, India, Japan. So I've been looking at his teachings and I've got a whole collection of talks that have not yet been published that will be I think maybe this year or next year that Mel Weitzman and Jiryu our new Abbot Jiryu have been working on together.

[07:30]

So I have a copy of that, a draft, advanced draft, and they're about 20 commentaries on koans that Suzuki Roshi did in this collection. So I'm very happy to have those accessible, and I'll be sharing those with you. And then I'm also going to start looking at Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, just kind of chapter by chapter, to see what koans Suzuki Roshi brought forward in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind. And you might help me with that. So if you would find any koans in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, let me know. That would be great. I appreciate it. So, transiency, you know, time being, this is what Uji, the Dogen, was talking about, the big fat moment that we're in and all those that preceded it, which are now no longer here, and those that will be coming, we imagine to be coming, aren't here yet, so here we are, right together, where we belong, in the present. I received a wonderful gift from my daughter for Christmas. She went and she was sneaking around as we all do around Christmas time and looking for something to give to her strange mother.

[08:35]

So I unwrapped this paperweight that she found in a little store in Mill Valley. And here's what it says. There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. So today is the right day to love, to believe, to do, and mostly to live. His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. So it's now my new paperweight, and I'm very delighted that my daughter is kind of tuned in to what her mother's been doing all these years. It's kind of the perfect gift. So time being, you know, we are creatures of time being. Our being is about time, and presence, of course, is the only time we have, but we don't think that. We think that we have other times, or we had other times, or we will have other times. But really, they all come in the form of the present, being in the present. So as I was looking back on the class that I gave in 2020,

[09:40]

I thought I would go over some of that material because it was sort of the beginning, kind of like the pilot for the transmission of light. And some of the things that I thought about then I thought were, oh, that was pretty helpful. I was just reading it again and I thought, well, that was kind of helpful. So I thought, well, maybe I'll share those thoughts with you right now and kind of lead up to our final chapter, which I may not actually get to today, but I may do next week. And then also that gives me more time to look for Suzuki Roshi Koans and to send those on to you. So when I began looking at the transmission of light, again back in 2020, we had already talked together, you know, it may be about two months before that, I'd started offering this online meeting together on the Zen Center website. And I started by discussing the Heart Sutra, Great Wisdom Beyond Wisdom Heart Sutra, and its place literally at the heart of Zen, Zen practice and Zen understanding.

[10:49]

You know, you're all pretty familiar with the Heart Sutra. It's mostly a no followed by a very familiar word like eyes or ears. So no eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind. No ignorance, no extinction of ignorance, no suffering, no cause, no cessation, no path, no knowledge, no attainment, with nothing to attain. So, you know, we begin, our very newest students at Zen Center are given a copy of the Heart Sutra when they arrive during morning service, and that's what they read. And it's like, whoa, you know, where are we here? So it certainly was the impact that had on me when I first read this text was, who are these people? What are they talking about? But this is a koan. I think the Heart Sutra is one of our most well-known koans in Zen. What is that about? Why is it saying no? What is this no? Why no eyes, no ears?

[11:50]

And so on. So that's what I talked about three and a half years ago. That these teachings offered this kind of invitation to a transformation inside our own human hearts in a transformation that comes with a realization of these wisdom teachings you know the impact that these teachings have and that in part of that realization is but is it is this kind of awakening of what's called the bodhicitta bodhicitta bodhi is awakening citta is mind so the mind of awakening that the the stimulation you know bringing that mind of awakening Awakening, that mind of awakening, is really the first step in our practice as bodhisattvas. That we want to wake up. We don't know what it is. We don't know how we're going to do it. But the idea, the thought of awakening, is a very powerful one. And it's motivated human beings for thousands of years. I mean, the Buddha was out there under the tree for a long, long time, wanting to wake up from his bad dreams, his nightmares.

[12:55]

about his aging and sickness and dying and suffering and pain and warfare and all the horrible things that were just as you know I don't know just as bad but were going on in his time as they are now you know the news was not good and he wanted to wake up he wanted to find a place of peace and of kindness and so on as do we all so the thought of awakening basically is from this primary delusion that we suffer We suffer of being separate, of being isolates, of being singularities. Just a me. It's just me. And me and then everything else. Which is kind of a weird formula for the universe. There's the universe and then there's me. And then plus the universe makes the total reality. We know that doesn't make sense, but we feel that way. whether it makes sense or not, we have this feeling of isolation. And we talk about, you know, the greatest epidemic right now, outside of COVID, is loneliness.

[13:59]

People, humans, are very lonely. Even in cities that have millions and millions of people, there is an epidemic of loneliness. awakening is awakening from the idea that we're alone we're separate that we don't belong and so on and so forth very familiar i know to all of you it's certainly to me those feelings and that idea that i don't belong here and where where's my tribe where are my people where where am i at home where am i welcomed and so on and you know and little by little begins to turn to questions of how am i welcoming how am i making my home available to others. You know, starting to turn that question outwardly and starting to welcome others in. And in doing that and making that shift from self-centeredness to other-centeredness, there's a tremendous relief that comes from that. And that's the practice that we train ourselves to do again and again, to live for the benefit of others. You know, that's the bodhisattva vow. I vow to live for the benefit of others.

[15:00]

I did not vow to live for my own benefit. I mean, That was sort of part of the deal when I was growing up. That's what I kind of was taught. You just live for your ability. You get your stuff and get the best grades and get whatever you can do. And you're going to be up there on the podium as the best student or the best athlete or the best whatever. And then everybody else is just going to sit and look at you because you're great. And then the rest of us are sort of like Swiss Gs. So the idea, the modeling that was done for us as children of there are special people and then there's everybody else. That's kind of the pain. It's the pain of that story. And that story is just not true. And that's what the Buddha saw and realized and taught till the end of his days. That's just not true. Everybody's at the center. Everybody belongs. There's nobody outside. We're all in. And this is what he came to know that morning, that famous morning when he looked up at the star. And he knew he wasn't alone. He wasn't separate. He was all of it.

[16:01]

You are not it, it actually is you. And welcome, welcome home. And at the same time, as I mentioned three and a half years ago, this thought of enlightenment has a cautionary flag. You know, you humans are so good at taking good things and turning them into something either that we try to possess or that we try to get rid of or that we don't know what to do with, so we put it in a box in our storage unit. So we just don't know how to deal with things that we really are facing. in our lives you know so this cautionary flag about the thought of enlightenment is this tendency to get really worked up about a distinction between delusion and enlightenment as though enlightenment which we think we don't have is so much better than delusion which we assume we do have and that we're again separating ourselves with a really big gap this time you know between Buddha and me between the idea of an enlightened being and this poor being, you know, hardly worth mentioning.

[17:05]

So that idea, that distinction, that separation is extremely painful. And it's certainly the one that goes on in the houses of Dharma houses where people are basically there to wake up and think they're not. And so one of the things I love about Soto Zen is the message is, yes, you are, you are awake, you just don't know what it means. You just haven't gotten a lesson plan yet. You haven't read through the confirmation that that's so and haven't come quite yet to understand how that's so. How can you also see it or think it with your own body and mind? How can you have the same realization that you are awake? You know, the one that the Buddha had. He wasn't changed. Didn't change. He was still this, I guess, he was a good-looking guy. I don't know. I mean, the images of him are so very handsome. But who knows? I mean, he may have not been. Who cares? It doesn't matter. What happened was he actually saw that he was just fine.

[18:07]

He was just fine exactly the way he was. It didn't change him. It didn't change him into a different person or with more arms or taller or anything else. He was still the same. It's just understanding changed. He woke up from his dreaming of being separate. So this light hold on the distinction between awakening and delusion is a hallmark of Soto Zen. You know, the sort of not such a big deal shift from delusion to enlightenment. And I think I mentioned to you before that sometimes when I meet with students, particularly in sashins or practice periods where you're sort of cooking, you know, you're kind of getting cooked and softened and you begin to have some, get a whiff of what is being offered to you here in terms of your actual belonging, your actual connection to things. And it's a lovely thing. It's a wonderful thing. But sometimes we humans get all carried away by that, like,

[19:07]

Whoa, you know, I'm special. I just got this big light turned on for me and I just saw the grass. You know, people will come up to me and they'll say, I just went outside and I saw the grass and it was green. And I went, yeah, that's good for you. You know, where have you been? So anyway, so this feeling of awakening and that, you know, what we do, what I've done to me and what's been done to me and what I've also done to others say, well, that's really nice. Now go back to the kitchen. They need you there, you know. And it's a little confusing because we do, when we have these moments of feelings of specialness and exhilaration, it's really hard to say, like, what? You know, that's it? I mean, there's another prize here? There's not some kind of speciality? You're not going to announce it at work meeting? No, we're not. And so it'll wear off. Don't worry. You know, just give it some time. That exuberance is going to wear off. But your experience isn't going to wear off. You did see it. You do know.

[20:08]

And you're not going to forget. And you're going to keep trying to get that thing again. But actually, the thing you want is the thing you've already got. Working in the kitchen. Being with other people. Drinking a glass of water. You know, everyday mind is the way. Everyday life is the way. And by not getting too worked up about enlightenment or by anything else, for that matter. You know, I'm... appreciating and I'm not getting too worked up about COVID, even though it's important to take it seriously and to be careful and to care for our friends and so on. It's like, well, this is it. This is our thing now. We have to adapt to it. And that's the way it is. And so I don't know what else to do. I suppose I could run around screaming, but I don't think that would do anything for the COVID. I think that would just probably cause, you know, some problems if I weren't masked. So it's really important for us to maintain our sanity, you know, to really cultivate and maintain our sanity, our equilibrium in the face of constant change.

[21:10]

You know, things are not staying the same. So the reality doesn't really reveal itself very well in our bouts of hysteria or anxiety. It is really just looks like hysteria and anxiety. That's what reality becomes when we have those feelings. But it reveals itself in a sort of different way when we're calm and when we're upright and quiet and present as we are when we sit together, either at home or in the zendo, those moments of contentment. You know, that's as close as we'll probably ever get. Just feeling content. I think I've said to you that one of the definitions I read not too many years ago of nirvana was utter contentment. Wow, I think I've had those. moments now and then in my life of I don't want anything. I've got I'm just fine. Thank you. No, I don't need anything. I'm just really content. So that's sort of the hallmark of Soto Zen is this contentment, not something really, you know, really far out or really special that that can't be maintained.

[22:15]

Nothing lasts nothing, not even those wonderful moments of exuberance and excitement. So when we're calm, we can look at this mechanism. by which we separate ourselves from what appears to be outside. You know, there is a way that's happening. There is a clockwork in our thinking and it's a sequence and that's what the Buddha studied under the tree. He studied the sequence of his thoughts and how this thought led to that thought, led to that thought, led to that thought, led to that wish, led to that grabbing, led to trying to make it happen, led to it ending and then suffering and then let me try that again that didn't work maybe this time it'll work have you ever noticed that tendency it's like that didn't work i'm gonna try it again i'm gonna do it again so that's called samsara endless circling first and second noble truth there is suffering there is and suffering has a cause the cause is ignoring non-separation ignoring that you belong

[23:21]

That's one of the main things that causes suffering. And the other main thing is desire for things to be different than they are. You know, a little more light or a little less rain or a little more warmth or whatever it is that we think we need. That's suffering. It can be really tiny or in many cases throughout the world right now we know it's horribly gross and big and terribly painful, this kind of suffering of not having food, not having safety, not having shelter. These are horrible things that are happening to human beings. And we hear about it, we know about it. And there's times when we even are those human beings. So we wish an end to that suffering with all our hearts and whatever we can do to help to bring an end to that suffering. So the Buddha called this formation of a separate self the fundamental affliction of ignorance. The fundamental affliction of ignorance is what causes us so much pain and causes us to race after something better, something else, something different.

[24:27]

You know, I want to be different. You name it. I want different colored hair. I want to be taller. I want to be shorter. I want to be more... you know, lovable. Whatever we have on our list that we want is our suffering. That's our suffering. So the fundamental affliction of ignorance is what separates this idea we have that separates our eyes from our ears and from our noses and our mouths as if they were. You know, my ears over here, my eyes are over here, my nose is over here and they have their separate functions and they're actually, that's not true at all. I mean, you know, they're all working together. They're like bouillabés, you know, the whole thing is working together. At all times, I am one entity in concert with every other entity that there is. All together now. That great film title, that great film, Everything Everywhere All At Once. That's it. That's actually, you just have to memorize that film title and you've got it. Everything Everywhere All At Once. That's what's happening.

[25:28]

And we're always part of that. We're always in that, in that soup, that big pot of soup. So our eyes are not separate from our ears or from our noses or from our tongues. They're not separate from flowers or trees. Of course not. If I see a tree, I am a tree. If I smell a rose, I am a rose. You know, whatever I experience is what I am. And without those experiences, there is no me. There's nothing for me to be. I need light and color and odor and smell and touch and thought. I need those things to exist. So to imagine that those things are outside of me is just dreaming, is the delusion that's creating our suffering. And of course, the worst thing of all is that we create this delusion of being separate from one another, that I don't belong to you, you don't belong to me, I'm not responsible for you or for anyone else. Well, that's really not true. I'm completely responsible. I just have limited capacity.

[26:30]

to be of much help. But I'll try, you know, you all try to be of help when you can. So this is the importance of discovering within ourselves how it is we go about creating separation. How do we do that? What is this mechanism up here? So I thought I would ask you again, as I did three and a half years ago, for those of you who were here, to take a minute or two, I'll just be quiet for a little bit, to consider just how it's done. How are you separating yourself from objects around you? And I thought it might be helpful to pick an object, something nearby that you can see or maybe something you can smell or hold in your hand, some object of your senses. And just spend a little time reflecting on what makes you think that is outside or separate from you. What mechanism are you using to be separate from whatever that is you've chosen?

[27:31]

So I'll just give this a minute or so and let me ask you, what did you notice during this minute? What kinds of things came into your mind in trying to understand the mechanism of separation? Okay, so let's give it a couple minutes. 532 to 534. Did you want to tell us about your thing, your object?

[29:10]

Marianne, did you want to come on? I saw your hand was up. Right. I guess I missed a step. I wasn't sure whether it is time for general sharing. Well, sure. I mean, I'm willing to wait until... No, it's fine. I think... I think people still have time to kind of relate to their objects if they like. I'd really like to hear what you wanted to say. Well, thank you. I stepped away for a minute. I had to feed the poodle. There you go. Separate from you. Right. I mean, something has to eat. Dogs got to eat. Well, one of the things I just wanted to say, as you... go back to some of the original texts that we explored together. We hear about the refuge, and I take refuge in the Buddha and the Dharma and the Sangha. But I think one of the things that strikes me also in my own religious life is the Sangha piece.

[30:21]

Oh my gosh, the Sangha piece. And I just want to express my appreciation to you, Fu, and to everyone here for the faithfulness of this Sangha for three and a half years. And when we're in COVID, you know, yes, the teaching, yes, we need information, yes, we need knowledge, yes, we need to sit with it, sit with it in its reality, but we need to sit with it together and we need to break open the teaching together. And so... In my own congregation, as a Roman Catholic nun, we take three vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. But in my particular congregation, we say that those vows only blossom, expand when we live in community. So it's not about going off and being the isolated contemplative, but basically it is the community that allows us

[31:29]

the expansion. And so when you think of, you know, enlightenment, you're thinking of really expansion, the expansion, you know. And yes, each of them have to do with a certain sacrifice, just the way the seed sacrifices so that it becomes the root that becomes the, you know, whatever it is that's going to grow from the seed, be it a plant, be it a tree. But one of the things that I've noticed in biology is that The seed actually expands. It expands. It doesn't just break up. It just expands so that the roots can emerge out of it. And I believe that that's what community does for us. It allows us to really expand. So I really want to thank everybody here and also to thank you because as you began today talking about all the years we've been together, it's been this Sangha that has really been very meaningful. So thank you. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for being Sangha. Yeah, depends on all of us, right?

[32:30]

Showing up is a big part of what it means to belong, to let people know you belong. Thank you. So anyone else want to mention some observation you might have had about objects of awareness, or what is this separation? How do you do that? Kosan. Hello, can you hear me? Yeah. Sorry, I'm driving at the moment, but I did have a reflection, so I wanted to share it. Great. I was driving. I saw trucks and cars and fields and other drivers, and I thought, I consider myself separate from them because I can see them. Somehow, to me, I So vision seems an outward facing sense.

[33:35]

And then I thought of a mirror and that I need a mirror in order to be able to see myself. And then I thought, well, that's what those things are. That other person, that cause, that feel, these are all mirrors because they're reflecting my perception of them. So I don't know what kind of wisdom or lack thereof is but it did strike me that the very use of the sense was what i felt separated me from the quote unquote other yeah i think that's right i think that is the mechanism that our senses are by design And, you know, I mean, we got to find some food and something to mate with or someone. And so in order to create, you know, the ongoing life form, you know, the seed that becomes the tree that becomes the seed that becomes the tree.

[34:37]

That's what we're into as well. There is this evolutionary, this brilliance of being other. And I'm looking for another, I got to find my mate, you know, I've got to find my lunch. So there is a way in which we are karmically determined by our shape and by our sense organs to seek something for ourselves, you know, so what the Dharma is really is a radical, you know, it's kind of denouncement of that as as our primary belief. Yeah, it looks like that. seeing is believing is a very common thing to hear but actually in the case of the Buddha Dharma seeing is don't believe it don't believe it that that's outside of you you know don't believe it that there there these things that we see in here because if you think a little bit and one of the things about my understanding of of like understanding emptiness teachings or like the heart sutra you have to think about it and that's one of the things you have to actually

[35:41]

cultivate your intellect in order to analyze the story you have that that car is outside of you is like, well, how does the eye function? You know, where is that image of the car actually taking place? Is it in the car? Is it over there? Is that the image? Is it that car over there? Or that truck behind you on your tail? Actually, it's in your brain. Whatever that is, it's in here. There's an image which, as we all know, is upside down. It's not only in here, it's upside down. And we can't see it. In fact, if we ever saw the way that we know things, we couldn't live. You know, it has to stay sealed up in here. Somehow they get protected from our accessing the very mechanism by which we know the world. But we can study and know that. That's what scientists do, that's what meditators do, is they really spend time contemplating, contemplation, of where is seeing? Where is the bird? Suki Roshi gave a lovely lecture in Branching Streams about the bird, that when you're in a deep meditative state,

[36:47]

It's not the best thing to do when you're driving. It's much better when you're sitting and not driving, is to just really reflect on the sounds that you're hearing. Where are those sounds? Are they outside on what you think of as a tree out there? Or is the sound inside? Is it in your ear? Is it in your brain? You know, where is it? And the answer is it's all of those. It's dependent co-arising. Everything, everywhere, all at once, comes together and creates reality creates the world so without all those cars on the freeway without you having a car and without traffic lights and without highway patrol you wouldn't be having that experience you'd be having some other experience you know and some other environment which would also be creating you so it really does take some of us thinking yeah not all of us thinking about what's actually going on here so i think that's it's a little bit um reversal of what we experience.

[37:49]

It's like the eye deceives us, the ear deceives us. We are basically kind of tricked into thinking things are outside and that we're separate. And so our job is to basically reverse that, turn the light around and begin to see, actually, what are we made from? We are made from everything we're not. I am all that I am not. That is what I am, actually. Poets do this. They have a pretty good a pretty good understanding of all of that. Okay, Melissa, I mean Ko-san. You driving carefully, I hope? I am driving carefully, but yes, I was just at a meeting. Thank you so much for something. Okay. Talk to you soon. Hi, Ki. Hi, Fu. I'm not sure if we're still sharing. whatever you like yeah what you were discussing reminded me as I was told once that our brain only shows us what we need to see or know to survive so if we think of that itself that limitation of that's all our brain is really worried about I've heard many times that our brain we only use a certain amount of it

[39:15]

And then now I've also heard that because it's only showing us what we really need to quote unquote survive. And while I was listening to your discussion, it reminded me of how many times I've had almost full on interactions with people at a distance to only find out that they were waving to the person behind me or asking. So it's so when we sit and examine how much we believe, right, whatever this experience is and that. especially when what we would consider negative things are happening to us, we think they're happening to us, right? Instead of remembering that we're just that little piece of mushroom in the soup and it's wherever that soup's going, we're going to go. Let's make it all taste good for everyone. And I would say one of the... And one of the answers I would give to not try to give all of them is what really solidifies it is when I give it a name.

[40:22]

Right. And now it's a name over here. Right. This is now no longer me. Now I call this a cup that's over here being held by me. Right. Maybe even my cup. oh don't touch my dare i dare yeah no no no this one's mine i bought this one with with what my hard-earned cash yeah we we've extended our empire to the possessions that we have you know not just There's my my body, my hand, right? This is my hand. I don't think so. But anyway, that we possess being possessive, it's a precept not to be possessive of anything. I think it's kind of delightful to think of that in terms of our own identity as owners of our bodies, or of our property or of our children, my children, my spouse, my it's like, I don't think so. My daughter doesn't think so either. Yeah. So how to really keep the balls in the air, keep it fluid,

[41:26]

And just be grateful and in awe. I like the word awe, as you know. Just to be in awe of the process that we are, what we are is awesome. And the more we keep in touch with that, I think the less we're awful. Yes. And it's wonderful what you had mentioned recently of this accordion expansion and contraction and remembering to almost take that step back the importance of right okay now let's go and make dinner but at the same time remembering that we're all space dust right if i've been watching this wonderful bbc earth uh documentary that they have on the the plane about the planets and just recognizing the the the relational aspect of it, right? That we're all these same pieces that happen to arrange. And then because we arranged in this way, now we suddenly believe that, well, I see myself here and so this must be mine or I must, right?

[42:36]

And then when we really look at it, it's just carbon and a few little pieces that don't make me very different from this cup, right? A little rearrangement, and there I am. Where you are, being drank out of it. How so far, right? And it plays with the whole delusion and enlightenment, right? How could it be so far if we really pay attention? Paying attention, I would say, is for me, I always remember, wait, pay attention, right? Pay attention, that's right. That's what we want Melissa to be doing right now, too. Well, yes. And the whole sangha on the road around. That's right. Everyone on the road. Everyone be safe and take care. And yeah, what a gift that we can actually have that, hold that knowing. Sangha. You know, big sangha. Everybody's in. And just have to send them an email and let them know you're all in.

[43:38]

Thank you, Guy. Dean. Hi, Dean. Hey, everybody. Hope y'all are doing well. And for those who are in cold weather, it will change. We didn't have rain today, and it was kind of fun. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was kind of fun. So, as you know, Fu, I've been spending time with someone who's been in the ICU. Yeah. When you started talking about the heart sutra, it made me think about when I first got it. Oh, yeah, no eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue. When I first got it, oh, yeah, that's when I do have them. But when I hold on to what they're giving me or what they're creating, that's when the problem arises. So it's fine to have them. It's just when I decide that my eyes...

[44:41]

or my ears have decided that this person said that, and so they're bad. That's a problem. It's a decision. So I was thinking about how I'm sitting there, and I look at the monitors, and I see, oh, oh, there's a heartbeat. That's not right. Oh, there's a different heartbeat. And to sit there and to notice what's there because I do have eyes, and then to... But that's all it means is this one thing is happening and to not go anywhere with it. And to see that with the respiration or to see it with, you know, blood pressure or whatever. And it's a real practice in seeing and not committing, I guess, is the best way. I can come.

[45:42]

And even we were talking today, I was talking with his wife, Lori, and daughter, Sylvie, today. And, you know, it's sort of like, well, what happens next? Well, he's not responsive, but he's also not on the vent now, but he's still not responsive. And we think about these things and we talk about them, but the value of or the freedom it comes from, they're just something that we talk about. Because you had said something. You know, I wish I could write notes and then read them, be able to read them clearly. But I was thinking about that we still, you said something about your paper, your paperweight. Oh, yeah. Yesterday, tomorrow. No, this is it. I can't remember exactly. Would you say it again, what it says on there, please?

[46:44]

There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow. So today is the right day to love, to believe, to do, and mostly to live. And when you said that, I thought about sitting there and talking about, well, what might happen next? And we talk about what might happen next because we're human. And we have, it's part of our language. And we talk about what it was like yesterday. And we talk about those things, but the beauty of it is they're just something that comes with being human. Am I making sense? Oh yeah, you are. You read, or maybe I don't know if you have, but I think some of you have, Sapiens. which is a really wonderful book about humans, Habians, and how really it's only been, oh, 90,000 years or so that we've had language.

[47:49]

Not very long. And before that, we were pretty much like we can go see in the zoo, like the gorillas and the monkeys, and they're wonderful, and they get along just fine, and they survive out there in the jungle if we leave them alone. You know, we're from that family. But we started to make up words, right? Like you and I are doing it right now. We're well trained. And so we use this language and we substitute the language for the facts of life. Like, you know, I can tell you it's a full moon tonight. Did you know that? Well, it's not. So I can say anything. Well, is it? Maybe it is. I don't know. I haven't looked. But I can say anything to you. And that's the thing that came along with language is the ability to tell lies. You know, the moon is the symbol of our tribe. And it means that we're the greatest. So humans have done this incredible thing with this fabricating out of words, all the stuff you're talking about.

[48:52]

And you reminded me of this. Well, you did say how he's doing. You reminded me of this at the time of the Boston bombing when there was so much news about what was going on and the people injured. And this young surgeon was being interviewed. And this woman was trying to get him to tell her how he was feeling. How are you feeling about that working on a young boy who's had his leg blown off and whatever. and the surgeon just wasn't answering her in the way she wanted and finally he said when I'm in an operating room I'm not feeling anything I'm looking at tendons and bones and ligaments and if I don't do that that boy will lose his leg so I'm basically I'm a surgeon, I'm doing my job, which means I'm not feeling, oh, poor kid, you know, that's later, or that's for other people who have a different job right now.

[49:56]

And it was so clarifying for me, it's like you're saying, it's like, the doctor's job is to try and know how to care for this person who needs their skills. not to have like you know be weeping and falling into into all kinds of thought about what might happen next or and so on and so forth they have that with their own families of course and that's not they're not exempt from any of that but at times each of us has our own dharma position and we need to take care of it right as carefully as we can So I totally understand what you're saying. And I totally feel like that is the, it's both a trap and it's also a great gift we have to be able to think about all of that and look at those little monitors. And, you know, we're very, we're the homo sapiens, the wise beings. We're not that wise, but we actually have made good use of our intelligence in many cases.

[50:57]

And we've made terrible use of it in other cases. You know, as Yuval says in the book, in Sapiens, he says, it took one person to make a spear. Each one of us could make a spear and go hunting for our food. It took a million people to make an atomic bomb. And the way they did it is because of language. There's an instruction. There's an architect. There's a designer. There's a... people who go out and get the materials and so on. And they're all using language to create this vast human stuff that's all around us now, right? It's closing in on us. So we are both sides of that. How do we understand it? How do we live in harmony with it? And how do we gently push back, you know? And make peace with it. Make peace. I mean, that's what it feels like that... I'm making peace with everything that's happening because I will use language.

[51:57]

I do use language. You do. That's right. But it doesn't need to, like, no eyes, no ears. The way I understood that when I finally got it, it wasn't like, oh, I don't have eyes and I don't have ears. It's that if I don't give them credence to being something, then that's where... The freedom lies. You know, you said something. This is the last thing. A while back, we were talking about you were talking about something and you said, and that is what we want is no suffering. That's what we that's our thing is no suffering. And and that just that phrase, there's all these things we have to choose from. And no suffering is. Just. this absolute no suffering. We don't have to get mired in everything.

[52:59]

We can just, oh, right, there's no suffering. So anyway, they really made me think about this. That's really good. Thank you so much, Dean. Thank you. Much love to the family. Yeah. Hi, Senko. Kaifu, how are you? Yeah, I actually had a big challenge. So I've been thinking about this challenge. I mean, it's not a big challenge, but it's very challenging for me. Last week, I just caught a virus. It's not COVID, but it's just so strong. I was feeling muscle pain, very tired. And if I could just go sleep without interacting with the world, I might not be able to think about this question now, but I can't because I still have my duties.

[53:59]

I need to pick up my kids from school. I need to make food for them. But while I was doing that with this pain and the muscle pain, the virus, it's very hard for me to practice. By that I say, it's very hard to be mindful, very hard to be patient. Everything I aspire and I made the vow to, I cannot do it. During, like, especially two or three days, I got very frustrated. But I can see that it's just somehow I don't have the ability. And I can tell, like, normally if I'm healthy, I can see the practice is actually benefiting me. Because once in a while, I'll catch myself benefiting from the practice. But when I was sick, I don't think, I don't see the trace of my practice. I get like, this is like a really end of, like the bottom. But now I recovered, I really feel the practice, I just want it much, much more.

[55:01]

I don't know. Before I was sick and I practiced, I'm very grateful. But after this one week of this challenge, I feel like I couldn't do it. I cherish more when I recover. I just really... But my question is... What do you do when you're sick, especially if it's a big virus? It's just hard. I cannot do it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a really famous problem. Yeah. And I think I've heard that so many times from different ways, different versions of that problem where, you know, I'm tired or I'm angry or someone hurt me or whatever, and I just can't access this one woman, memorable woman, a gringo many years ago now. we were all going forward to ask the teacher a question. I think it was Norman or somebody. No, I think it was Reb. What about this? What about this? And she went forward and she said, I hate my mother. And, you know, we're all kind of like, whoa.

[56:04]

And then Reb said, well, let me just ask the other people here. Do you all hate her mother? And we all were like, no. Okay, so right now you can't give compassion to your mother, but we can. Because we don't have that with your mother. So compassion doesn't belong to you. Practice isn't yours. We practice and we hold each other. So when you're having a little trouble over there with your practice, we got you. We got you right now. And we're like, you know what? It's okay. That's what the Sangha is for. It's to hold each other while we're going through some difficulties. And then when you recover, like you have, and are even more inspired, like you are, now you're going to hold one of us. We're all going to take a turn. We're going to need you. And that's why your practice is going to be so important throughout your life. Your kids are going to need you. Your husband's going to need you.

[57:05]

We all need you. And so the more we can support you to get stronger and more confident, like blossoming, I think that was the word that someone said, that blossoming of the seed. begins to open and then as it opens it's encouraging to everybody and to you so it's just part of the process is to take turns you know we take turns and uh and so there's no shame in it there's nothing at all except that's human that's how we are we need to have very we're not invariable we don't stay one way right we're always like navigating or wayfaring trying to find the way, right? And so you just had an opportunity to learn something. Yeah, I just, wow. I guess I opened, I became humble to see that my practice, I don't have it. I didn't have it.

[58:06]

There you go. For one week. Yeah. Oh, there it is. There it is. I didn't really lose it. I just thought I lost it. But it's right there. I thought I lost it. Yeah. Right where I left in my top drawer. I did a Jiu-Kai. I went to California. And then what happened to me? I'm like... Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. When Pama Chodron... No, not Pama Chodron. Karma Lecture Somo, who's a very well-known... a Tibetan woman practitioner, she was down in India looking for a site for a woman's monastery on behalf of the Dalai Lama. And she's come to Green Gulch a few times, lovely woman. And she said while she was there, she got bit by a very deadly snake in the arm. She was very sick. They had to take a lot of the flesh off her arm. She has this really, you know, you can tell she has a lot of problems with her arm. And she almost died. She was in delirium. And she had just spent three years studying the Prajnaparamita literature.

[59:09]

She said, I couldn't access anything. I was just so fevered and so angry. And so she said, what was that? What was the point of all that? You know, all those three years of that. So she laughed at that. She laughed at herself. Like, oh, my God. I'm going like, ah. so recovered and now she's another she's again back to being a really important teacher for everyone so but she told that story on herself which i thought was really generous and you're telling that on you which i think is so generous so thank you oh thank you for telling me the story of hers it's so helpful yeah you bet okay your arms still okay yeah thank you thank you thanks everyone Good. Hi, Kevin. Welcome. Karina, did you bring Kevin on?

[60:12]

I don't see him. He was up in the left-hand corner, which is now blank. Kevin, where are you? There you are. Kevin, you're muted. There you are. There you are. Hi, Kevin. Kevin, can you unmute? There you are. I think you did it. I don't see the little red mic now. Oh, I can't hear you. Oh, dear. Anyone have an idea? The audio might not be connected there. How would he do that? I think if you click on the little arrow by the mute, you can select a microphone. Just make sure that it is the, maybe you're. Oh, there you are. There you are. Great, great, great, good. I'll start over again for the time being. Thank you. Welcome back. How are you doing on this moment?

[61:12]

I was saying, I too grabbed a mug key and thank you for helping me out. As I was thinking about the question and the challenge and also listening to what everyone else provided, I was thinking of a part in, I believe it's in beginner's mind, semi-beginner's mind, where they give instructions on meditation. And he speaks when you cross your legs, it's not two, not one, or non-duality and emptiness and on the pinnacle and rising. So in, is it Cinco's practice? I believe it was. It's not her practice, but it's not our practice. It's the forgiveness of the practice. But then it was a surge and it's... He is working on the sinew and the tissue, but he's also working on the void. And it's not separate, but it's not the same. And I also thought about how I'm interacting with this cup. But the cup that I'm interacting is this only within my mind and my perception.

[62:13]

Yet there's still something to interact with. So it is separate then, but it's not separate all at the same. And even the stardust analogy, as you said. even breaking down further beyond the carbon there, it's electrons and neurons. And I thought about what even beyond that, the empty space. But by and large, if you get into physics, we're mostly made up of empty space. So there's no barrier and it's all permeable and it's all perception. So I thank you all for bringing that up and sharing and putting a label on things. I think that was huge too. And it helps to deepen my practice as is being part of this sangha. So thank you so much. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you so much for sharing. Okay. It's a little after six. It's really nice to be here with you all. So I will one of these days finish the transmission of light. I'm not going to promise anything because it's just reality wins.

[63:15]

So, I will finish some of the reflections on the Transmission of Light and Kohanejo. I'm going to make a great effort to bring up the chapter on Kohanejo. I hope if you have a chance to read that, it's the last chapter of the Transmission of Light, you might come with some questions or points that you'd like to share on your own. That would be great. So I'll see you then. I'll be back on Sunday and hopefully I'll have better news about Green Gulch and how people are doing. And I hope you all stay safe and are having a successful beginning to this new year. Three and a half years, it's amazing. So please, you're welcome to unmute if you like and say goodnight or goodbye or good morning, whichever applies to where you are. Well, thank you so much, Fu, and to the whole Sangha. It was wonderful hearing everyone sharing.

[64:17]

So thank you all. I'm really grateful for these wonderful three years. And I can still remember you with the Makugyo and the Heart Sutra. It's time being, right? Sure. Was it? Was it four years ago? What is three years, right? That's right here. Thank you all. Thank you so much. Thank you, Sangha. Good morning. See you all next week. Take care. Thanks for the support. Thank you for sharing. That was wonderful. At least I can say I've definitely been there as well. Thank you for supporting me too. Thanks for supporting me. We're the tradition of the guilty ones. One big continuous mistake, right? That's right. Thank you all. I appreciate you. Take good care. Oh, we just got a glimpse of one of those wonderful children. Yeah, there's another sick one at home.

[65:19]

Oh, well, you tell him. I hope he gets well soon. Feel better. He wants to see you, but he's running away too shy. All right. Well, next week, tell him I'll be there looking for him. If he's still sick. Oh, if he's still sick. Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay. Bye-bye. [...]

[65:40]

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