Good evening. I had many guests say to me, even yesterday, not just today, that... because our was still so wonderful and everything was running so well, and they didn't seem to realize that it was a miracle what happened yesterday. They seemed to think that it was just here waiting to happen. And I thought myself, yesterday, I wasn't totally sure we were going to make it, but we were going to do it anyway, make it or not. And today I thought, we're already into the fine-tuning stage. Congratulations to all of us. To the staff, the students who are supposedly doing this, and to all of you brave guests who came on the first day.

[01:12]

First or second. A few of you came on the second day. So tonight I wanted to... do two things, and I think they go together. One is continue, as I told those of you who were here during the work period, my last lecture, to talk about the Dogen fascicle, only a Buddha and a Buddha. And I also wanted to talk about the first Soto Koan in the book of Serenity, the book of Soto Zen Koan, you know, mostly Rinzai Zen is about koan practice and Soto Zen is about sitting, so they say. But there is a whole book of 100 Soto Zen koans, stories to meditate on. And the first one seems to me to be especially sort of setting the tone for the kind of practice that we do here.

[02:24]

So I wanted to bring that up, but first I wanted to read this really, to me, interesting quote from Dogen. And I hope it's not the same one I used last time. I don't think it is, but I could be wrong. So it's toward the beginning of only a Buddha and a Buddha. And one of the things that I like about it is it sounds so normal. You know, it's Dogen, but still, he sounds like he's just... talking to us. Now, this might be because of Ed Brown and Kaz Tanahashi who translated it, but nonetheless, they were translating Dogen, so here it is. When you realize Buddha Dharma, you do not think, this is realization just as I expected. Even if you think so, realization invariably differs from your expectation. Realization is not like your conception of it.

[03:28]

You should reflect on this. You should reflect on this. What you think one way or another before realization is not a help for realization. There's more, but I'm going to change the word to liberation instead of realization because realization, I think for us, for me anyway, often is a kind of thinking word. You know, like we realize something, we figure it out. And I think that the kind of realization that Dogen, Buddha are talking about is deeper than thinking about it. It's a kind of liberation, a kind of maybe ability or capacity to live freely, to live completely. So, when you realize Buddha Dharma, you do not think, this is liberation just as I expected.

[04:31]

Even if you think so, liberation invariably differs from your expectation. Liberation is not like your conception of it. You should reflect on this. What you think one way or another before liberation is not a help for liberation. Although liberation is not like any of the thoughts preceding it, this is not because such thoughts were bad and cannot be liberation. Past thoughts in themselves were already liberation. But since you were seeking elsewhere, you thought and said, these thoughts cannot be liberation. However, it is worth noticing that what you think, one way or another, is not a help for liberation. He seems to be emphasizing this point. Then you are cautious not to be small-minded.

[05:37]

Liberation does not depend on thoughts, but comes forth far beyond them. Liberation is helped only by the power of liberation itself. interesting this then you are cautious not to be small minded says you know that comes right after this saying for the second time you should realize this what you're thinking before liberation doesn't matter one way or another you can think whatever you want I don't know if that's he doesn't say that maybe that's going a little too far but anyway it isn't going to bring forth liberation then you're cautious not to be small minded and I think that's, you know, being small-minded, when we're small-minded, basically we have this idea, this thought's bad, that thought's good. This thought's bad, this feeling's bad, this feeling's good. And I think what he's saying here is, if all of these thoughts are liberation or have the potential to be liberation, we need to be open to all of them.

[06:55]

We need to be open to them in a new way that isn't just thinking them in our normal way of trying to figure out how do I think the right thoughts to make myself happy, essentially. How do I think the right thoughts or have the right feelings to make myself free? How do we live in a different way where we're not small-minded, where we let all of our thoughts, all of our feelings in, but in a way that they can be liberation? Now I want to tell you this koan story. It's pretty simple. It's... One day, the world-honored one ascended the seat. Manjushri struck the gavel and said, Clearly observe the Dharma of the King of Dharma. The Dharma of the King of Dharma is thus. And Manjushri...

[08:00]

the world-honored one, got down from the seat. That's the story. So in these Zen koans, one way of working with them is to be, to embody them as yourself. So, you know, the seat is often the spot from which one would lecture or teach, but I think it can also be the... spot where we sit, where we sit down to do zazen or something like zazen, where we sit down to clearly observe. Now, the World Honored One, that's kind of a lofty title, but I think that this Soto Zen Koan is suggesting that each of us basically take on that title. Take on the title of the World Honored One.

[09:02]

Try that on for size. How is it to actually be the World Honored One? What would that mean? It would certainly mean that you could not be small-minded, that you couldn't decide, this thought's bad, this thought's good. You would be being a pretty central figure In the world, which, by the way, we each are. In my world, actually, I am the center of my world. And actually, each of you are the center of your world. There's no other place to be. You know, that might seem egotistical or self-centered. Self-centered. It is self-centered. But it is also the truth. It's like, for me, the world... The world comes to me here. This is the place where I can experience the world, and it's pretty much the only place where I can experience the world.

[10:09]

So to be the world-centered one, to be the center of your own universe, is not self-centered. It depends on whether you are separate from the rest of the world. If you're connected to the rest of the world, it may be self-centered, but it's not egotistical. It's not separate. It's where you are connected, how to be connected. So to honor that, to honor that position that we are each in is part of enacting this koan, taking on this koan. Okay, I'm going to be the center of my universe. I'm going to stay here at the center of the universe and honor it. I'm going to take the seat.

[11:11]

I'm going to sit down. I'm going to be here and be the world-honored one. Then Manjushri is the bodhisattva of wisdom, and he traditionally hits a gavel at the beginning of a dharma talk. In some monasteries they do that, they hit a gavel, and they actually say this phrase, clearly observe the dharma of the king of dharma. The dharma of the king of dharma is thus. And then the dharma talk comes forth. In this case, Wisdom says, you sit down, you're the world-honored one, okay, I'm going to be at the center of the universe, center of my universe, and honor it. And wisdom says, clearly observe the Dharma. Dharma is the teaching, the teaching that leads to liberation. Clearly observe the teaching, the liberating teaching of the king or the queen or the...

[12:19]

beyond king and queen of dharma. The dharma of the queen of dharma is thus. And the world honored one gets down from the seat. So that's the end of the talk. There's no talk that comes after this. Clearly observe and then the proclamation. This is the dharma. This is the teaching of liberation. just this sitting on the seat as the center of the universe and honoring that. So that's what I think is the first koan of the Soto Zen School. It's sit down and honor this particular body and mind, each of us, this very unique and also pretty normal,

[13:20]

much like other bodies and minds, but still, it's different. Each one is different. Sit down and honor it as the center of your universe, the only place from which you can meet the universe, whatever comes. And honor it as the teaching of liberation, the potential for liberation. That's what Buddha said. Liberation is possible to human beings. And then he also said, don't just believe me when I say that. You actually have to find out for yourself. And the way you have to find out for yourself is to honor the one that you are, the world-honored one that you are. This liberation is just what I expected.

[14:51]

Liberation is not just what we expected. Liberation is not like our conception of it. This is a crucial movement of our way of approaching ourselves. If we're going to sit down and be open to what is, how is this the world-honored one? How is this a body of liberation? If we're going to be open to that, we have to shift our view from, this isn't realization, this isn't liberation, this is. It's like this. It would be like this. I'm almost there. I could almost do it if only this was different, or if only those people were different. We have to move from that, you know... It's so deep in us to think we know something about what is right in us and what's wrong in us, what shouldn't be there, what should not be there in the way that it is.

[16:00]

It's usually based on somehow what causes us pain, something that causes us suffering, we think very quickly, This is not the way it should be. And it might cause us suffering because we were taught that it was wrong. It might cause us suffering because it makes other people not like to be around us. There are many reasons that it might cause us suffering. Still that thinking, this is not realization as I expected it. This could not be realization. There's no way. There's something wrong here. I need to change this. There's got to be a change for it. Stops us from actually being with the world honored one. Actually being with our body and mind in an open way that would allow us not to be small minded.

[17:02]

Would allow us to see how can there be liberation here? It's tricky to say that because it sounds like we're trying Again, we're asking a question with our mind, and when we say, how could there be liberation here, we sort of immediately start pulling in ideas. But it's not an idea. It comes forth far beyond our thoughts. It's a way of being. Life is gone. The world-honored ones sat down. It was announced. This is the Dharma. This is the teaching of liberation. And that was it. He got up to say, there's no more to be said. This is it. It doesn't mean he got up and stopped paying attention. We get up and keep paying attention. Keep paying attention as much as we can, which is not completely. I just want to mention that it's not that we have to pay attention.

[18:08]

That's not where the liberation is. It's not in okay, I'm going to be there along each inch of the way. It's more liberation is happening. Life is happening. We are part of it. We're functioning. It's more about trust. It's about it's okay to be my part of the universe. There's a poem that goes with this koan that I like a lot, and I have it written down in case I forget it, but I'm going to try to say it to you. without looking at it. It goes, the unique breeze of reality. Can you see? Continuously, creation moves for loom and shovel, weaving the ancient brocade, incorporating the forms of spring. As the woof goes through the warp, the weave is dense and fine. One continuous thread comes from the shuttle.

[19:11]

How can this even be spoken of on the same day as false cause or no cause? The unique breeze of reality. Can you see? It's the same. You are the world honored one. It's unique. Every minute is unique. We're part of the whole ancient brocade. And in that brocade, the weave is dense and fine. Everything fits together. If one thread moves, the whole brocade moves. Everything we do has an impact. We can't make the whole brocade become something different, but everything we do has an effect. One continuous thread comes from the shuttle incorporating... Let me look. Now I forgot. I'd have to start over. Continuous thread comes from the shuttle, making every detail.

[20:13]

There's, in our life, in our world's life, there's one continuous thread. We are part of this one continuous thread that's happening. How could this even be spoken of on the same day as false cause or no cause? You know, we tend to think that certain things in our life come from a false cause or they pop out of nowhere or at least a wrong cause. Like, I should not have to feel that way. You know, they shouldn't have done that because I feel that way. Or I shouldn't have done that because now look at the mess I'm in. This shouldn't be happening. It's very easy for us to feel that, you know, the drop of a hat whenever anything goes so that it doesn't feel good. We have a sense, no, something's wrong. This is saying there's no false cause.

[21:17]

Everything is working together. It doesn't mean everything is pleasant, but it comes from somewhere. Where does it come from? It comes from the past. It comes from a minute ago. It comes from me. It comes from everything surrounding me. It's not a mistake. And liberation, the potential for liberation, is still right there. It's still the world-honored one. It's still something that we can sit down and open our hearts to and study. Study the self. Clearly observe the teaching of the king of Dharma. So that's what I think we're doing here in the Zendo and in this valley. And in our lives, wherever our lives are, when they're here at Tassajara, it's very supported. It's like, that's what everyone is doing, whether they know it or not.

[22:20]

That's what happens when you come in and you sit down, and even when you walk around. That's also what everyone is doing out in the world, but they don't know it, and it's not so supported. But it is still possible. is still the same nature of reality, can be done there also, where the Dharma of the King of Dharma, the teaching that leads to liberation, can actually be found in us. So that's my idea tonight of what we're doing, and I'm wondering if there's anything that you would like to add or ask. And this, I might add, is... your chance to help me make sense. So if something didn't, please bring it up. If you have anything.

[23:28]

Yes, Emily. You might have been through this already, but how do you stop the baby? The baby from crying. The internal baby. Is it trust? I don't think trust is something we can create, you know, talk ourselves into. We're too smart for that, in a way. I mean, we look around and we see, like, I think one of our biggest questions and the thing that makes the internal baby cry is, am I okay? That's one kind of broad way of putting it. Is it okay to be me? And so often the answer looks like no. Like we see things about ourselves that really don't look like they're trustworthy. So to just try to say, no, no, no, it's fine. It's okay. Don't cry. Don't cry. Might work for a baby, but it doesn't work so well for us.

[24:29]

So I think when the baby's crying, or when it isn't, let's say when it is, to put yourself in a stable posture, sitting, standing, walking, or lying down, and try to be close. Try to get close to this dharmic, you know, karmic, this body and mind, and notice if there's any place where there's holding, tension, pain. And if there is, stay close to it. That's where I think the answer to the question, is it okay to be me, comes from. Is it okay to be this me, this exact me, not one that's been fixed just a little bit. So that's kind of scary.

[25:33]

It doesn't. seem real easy or foolproof like maybe when I do that it won't work but I think that's that's what we're being asked that's what's being suggested and in fact I think that's what those of us who are who are already practicing this are doing already and that it's worked to some extent we have a little more trust that it is actually okay to be me and Sometimes it doesn't come up in those words, but I think it comes up in our living even before it can come into words. Thanks. Yes. When there is no expectation and peace and peace of that, how come Manjushri wanted this? How come he said that? For our benefit, because even though maybe Buddha didn't, maybe the world-honored one Buddha didn't have any expectation we do.

[26:46]

So for teaching us, he said, look, this is how it is. Could you speak more about how come the world-honored one sat down? Somebody said, one of the Japanese teachers, I think, said, when you live your life and you just live it, you know, as people do in our world, sometimes you can't help but sit down. You just sit down for a while. And I think that's true, you know, if we're looking at how the world is, even if we're just looking at how ourselves are, each of us, ourself, at some point we run into some wall that says, what can I do? What should I do about this? And lots of answers might come up from our past, from our creativity, and we try things.

[27:54]

And that's fine. Things happen. We do things. That's great. Still, at some points that question comes up again, what can I do? possibly at some point in one way or another, you know, it might not be zazen, but if you have some tragedy that strikes in your life, you know, if you lose your job or you lose your partner or you lose your health, sometimes there's just that. It's just a question. What can I do? And you know the answer is actually nothing. You can't do anything. All you can do is sit. You might not sit, you might walk. But when those kinds of things happen in people's lives, often, even if they know nothing about zazen, there's some kind of freedom that comes eventually, comes through pain and through staying through.

[28:58]

So... You know, a lot of us don't sit because of that. We haven't had to wait until that moment. It's come to us in an easier way. We've gotten some clues this might be a good thing to do, and then we try it. Often we don't know why we sit. You know, when I started sitting, I hated it. I hated every period. And I always said in the last 10 minutes, we were sitting 40-minute periods then. The first 30 minutes were usually basically okay. The last 10 minutes were hell, and I always said to myself, I am never, never doing this again. Go away, and I would come back, and I would be fine. I'd sit down, and I'd sit, and tell myself stories, and then the last 10 minutes would come. What am I doing here again? I don't know why. so yes Dogen's quote about realization for liberation if that feeling is an unexpected one or when you do get a sense that you're feeling it or experiencing is that false then or are you fooling yourself into thinking you're feeling liberation at a certain point

[30:43]

You know, that's very hard to say in general because sometimes we do fool ourselves and sometimes we don't. Sometimes we actually have a moment of or longer than a moment of freedom. I don't think it matters so much whether we're fooling ourselves then. I mean, it's just a thought. We either have a thought, this is, oh, maybe this is liberation or we don't have that thought or maybe we think this isn't liberation i think the main thing is not to hold on to any of those thoughts and then there's the next moment what happens the next moment what happens the next moment is this a free moment there are times when we notice i am feeling really constricted here you know i'm really i'm feeling very tight i'm feeling i don't know there's a lot of ways to feel this way you know I'm feeling a lot of hate.

[31:44]

I'm feeling a lot of fear. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Fine. Then you just try to get closer to that. Is that liberation? It's just a word. Living and living freely is more than a word. going okay thank you all very much

[32:29]

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