This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. How many are here for the first time this morning? Welcome. Welcome to Green Gulch. Welcome to Green Gulch. I'll try to speak up. Okay, thank you. So I thought I'd talk today a bit about the effects of nature on consciousness.

[01:11]

We're in a practice period, the spring practice period for 2018. I think it's the 71st practice period here at Green Gulch. And this is where we come together and we sit and do many ceremonies together for two months in intense practice. And right here, this beautiful land. And so since I've been here, I've been really communing with all of the beauty here and the trees and the grass and how noticing how it affects the way I see the world and the way I see others and how I feel, how I feel about the world. So how important it is to be able to be in such beauty, in such nature. And I wanted to share with you this way in which I actually experienced this even in a deeper way and how Buddha himself experienced nature and how it affected his consciousness.

[02:22]

And so at one time in my life, I was offered an opportunity, invited to do a vision quest. And some of you might know what that is, where they take you out into the woods and you get to, some people get tense, some people don't, you know, depending on the quest that's happening. And my quest, we did get tense and we got to, you know, bring water and things like that but not food it was a three-day quest so kind of similar to coming to practice period where you're getting ready to you know put yourself into the cooker except you have this other environment in which you're not used to in which you're not used to just being outside with the stars the grass and everything that's outside. We tend to live inside. And so I actually said yes right away to doing the quest. And then when I got the list of things to do, I was like, I might have made a mistake.

[03:24]

This might be a little bit too much for me. And I went anyway. I said, I must go. And it felt like, OK, the best way to do this is to write to myself exactly what my yes is, you know, so I think it's important to know what your yes is when you enter these spaces. So my yes was, I rise to that which I am called to do. The fountain is calling me to do that. And I have agreed to do it, even though in my mind it was like, no, you know, resistance. I sit upon the earth among trees, breathe breathing rising and falling the breath rising and falling like those who have come before me i plant my feet in the dirt and remember how to live without feeling terrified i let ancestors take me up with them on horses and ride bareback to ceremony learning not to be an alien in a place i came from

[04:32]

but blend back into the dirt, fiercely, fearlessly, knowing that which brought me here will take me home. And so I wrote that and I carried that with me to help me when the doubt would come up and when I would hear things moving in the grass. I think at one point something came and tapped me out of my head. I'm telling you. It was quite the experience in the dark. And, you know, you have to learn how to be sustainable in it, not to have trash and things like that, and how to take care of yourself, your waste, and everything, you know, has to be thought about. And so all of this shapes, you know, a consciousness and a particular... way of being. And I think some of us are longing for that again, longing for that consciousness that lives close to the earth and coming to bring culture, getting a piece of that, you know, a way to remember and to see and to witness.

[05:50]

Yeah, I want to bring attention to this land and that it was once inhabited by the Ohlone tribe. And I just wanted to call that name out and how some of the things we love about the Native American practice And ceremony comes from that effect of nature on their consciousness and how they lived, how they saw the world and how they felt about it and how they saw each other. And so I'm just going to acknowledge that right now to bring that tribe's name forward to be with us and to help support us, ask for their ancestors to support us. And our attempt to bring nature into our life and to help shape a consciousness that's close to the earth. So I have always been fascinated with... You need to change something.

[06:59]

It's bad for me to kind of bend over or something. I always wondered what Buddha did was hang up. I know he had a lot of people. Thank you. Take that pause here. I was fascinated with his life and I wasn't drawn to the practice because of him. I didn't know who Buddha was or Buddhism necessarily. And I wasn't one of those persons who were seeking to discover the teachings necessarily. I was just a suffering person coming in the door, bumbling myself towards something that felt, had a sense of peace. And so I said, well, you know, Buddha, he must have been a very peaceful guy, you know, really tranquil and, you know, his...

[08:05]

to be able to come up with all these teachings, you know. And so I began to study his life. And of course, like anyone else, Buddha was on his quest. He left his family to, you know, go toward this calling of understanding what life is and why there's old age, death, and illness. And this quest just drove him away from his old life, the way he was living as a prince, and to go out in the world to understand it. He did not come to meditation to be calm, because I think he was pretty stunned by what he saw and what he felt and what he had been protected from. You know, so he was surprised. And so on his quest, he goes out about like I did. And lo and behold, I found this little section that I want to share with you that was written about his journey and his fear.

[09:07]

Like, oh, he was afraid. So... But there are the specially holy nights of the half moons of the 14th and 15th and the quarter moon of the 8th. Suppose I spent those nights in such awe-inspiring abodes as orchard shrines, woodland shrines, and tree shrines, which make the hair stand up. Perhaps I should encounter that fear and dread. And later, On one of those holy nights, a deer would approach me or a peacock would knock off a branch. Surely this is the fear and dread coming. Like when I would hear the rustling. And while I walked, the fear and dread come upon me. But I neither stood nor sat nor lay down till I had subdued the fear and dread.

[10:13]

And so he was intensely afraid and in terror of where he was and what he was going to find and what was going to find him, you know, on this quest. But he kept going, you know, because he felt, you know, I need to be among these trees, these tree shrines, and to discover, you know, what life can unfold here, right? just breathing, you know, without all the other things going on, probably without what was going on in his palace, which probably was quite a bit. And so he definitely remained in the forest with all of this fear. And so he tried all different kind of techniques like clenching his teeth, anything he could do to stop the fear, you know, stop his mind from, you know, spinning out. And he had all kind of techniques. And they talk about those techniques that he did, like keeping his tongue against the roof of his mouth to constrain his mind. And all of these things did not work. which for me, I was like crunched up in my little spot in my tent, and it doesn't matter how tight of a ball I got, you know, it still didn't help.

[11:25]

And then, you know, guess what, you got to get up and go in the dark and find your way to, you know, go to the bathroom at 2 in the morning in the woods, you know, so it just really does not, it didn't help. And so he had to just continue sitting with this and hoping that he could subdue. the fear and subdue the dread by being, you know, by sitting in nature. And so eventually he exhausted himself and, you know, like we do in practice period, we get tired and, you know, the pain takes over and then we're kind of, you know, okay, I let go, you know, I'm just going to fall into where I am right here, right now. And that's what he did, and he did it for a long time until he became extremely emaciated. And I believe that state of emaciation was a profound moment for him. as to what life was and what it was about and what the breath was. I think that moment he realized what a body was and how a body encounters life.

[12:32]

And so he talked about it. He said, if I touched my belly skin, I could encounter my backbone too. That's how thin he was. Can you imagine? That's how long he had been. And he was surviving. If I tried to ease my body by rubbing my limbs with my hands, the hair rotted at its roots, like it would just fall out and fall away from its body. So he knew he was in a dying state, so he was close to death. And in this state of being close to death, he had to surrender even more. And in that surrendering, he ended up having five dreams. You know, five profound lucid dreams that brought forth some teachings that we have today and that we practice with today and that are a foundation to what we're studying and how we're walking this practice.

[13:33]

And so his first dream, he dreamed that the earth was his couch and that the Himalayan mountains his pillow. Beautiful. You know, his left hand lay in the eastern ocean. and his right hand lay in the western ocean, and his feet lay in the southern ocean. And the dream informed him of all full enlightenment to come, that his whole life was stretched in all these directions that were even beyond this emaciated body that he had. And his second dream was a creeping animal, presumed to be a snake. grew up out of his navel and stood touching the clouds. And you may have seen statues of a Buddha with a snake climbing from his body, which represents this dream. And I think sometimes they call that the Naga statue or experience. And so in this he would come to call the emergence of these initial teachings the turning of the wheel of the Dharma.

[14:37]

So he was getting closer to coming to what he was going to teach, you know, And it was coming from his consciousness that was being developed in nature. Nature is assisting him in bringing up or just being out in the woods and seeing the world differently through nature, which can show us so many things. Every season it transforms. It feeds us. It gives us so many things to look upon. So his third dream was of four birds, different colors. turning white and foretold that he would have followers on his path, dressed in white, who would take refuge in his teachings. And in some Buddhist traditions, white is worn by followers to initial steps toward a full ordination. So they're wearing the white, they're aligning themselves with his third dream, because, you know, it's coming, because in the fourth dream... his teachings were heard, and he began to talk about the four caste systems, the warrior nobles, and the brahmin, and the priest, and the burgages, and the plebeians, and those are people we might call the elites today.

[15:53]

And so he would see his teachings as truth, and he delivered them to this caste system, which was seen as a bit disruptive because it was important that if you're in a caste system that you don't really, aren't aware of liberation, you aren't aware that you can transform one's life. And so the caste system is a big, you know, I think systemic way of seeing, which we have in our own country, you know, systemic oppression way of seeing how when we're away from the earth and having our ideas of who we are and how we should be, what that looks like. So he saw that. He saw that this is something I want to speak to. It's a dream people don't talk about too much because it's very touchy, very sensitive. His fifth dream warned him of greed and delusion in regard to his gifts. And so he got early on, don't get all arrogant and haughty about what you have discovered.

[17:01]

And I think There is a story where he did actually do that, because he had brought some friends along, and they were going through the same process that he was going through. And when he finished these dreams, he definitely felt he had touched the earth. And so you see some of his statues where he's touching the earth, where his hand's here, and then there's a hand there that's a touching the earth statue, and I think there's one back there. And so he came out and one of the stories he told his friends, I am awakened. I am the awakened one. And they're like, we surely don't care about that. You know, really, you know, because we're trying, you know, what about us? What are you trying to say? We didn't get there or what? You know, so I think. You know, that didn't go over. So he began to really talk about what that will was that he turned inside of himself, that will of life and that will of medicine and that will of nature.

[18:10]

And he said, there is suffering. And they were like, how? Now, because they have been suffering, you know. And then he went on with that, with the Four Noble Truths. There's suffering, and there's a cause, and you can end suffering, and there's a way to end it. And I see it, and I'd like to share that. And that became the basis of his teachings. And everything that comes from that, including our study on mind-only consciousness in our practice period, the yoga chart comes from that. It comes from the basis of that beginning of that first will of dharma turning. And so when you're looking at consciousness, you are looking at the suffering. You are looking at the cause and the root, and you are looking at the cessation and the way out. You know, so some of us say we're practicing and we're sitting.

[19:10]

I say, I got my zazen down. I can meditate really well, but not willing to dig under to the root of one's suffering and to look at what blocks and what's unconscious. And so part of their practice is to look at that and to look at one's consciousness because in that place, in the place of consciousness, is the place in which transformation can happen. And so while we have a lot going on and we may not feel like we can change some of the things in our lives because they feel so rooted or something in our culture, not just our life, just in our culture, it feels so rooted and impossible, we think it can't, nothing can happen. Or we think we have to power over it to make it happen. And so we create all kinds of things. Maybe we have to get louder. I don't know. Whatever we do. So Buddha actually laid out some different ways in which we could walk and be with each other.

[20:14]

And this is what drew me to the practice. Because if it didn't have anything to do with my life, I would not be here, honestly. And so I do feel like it did, and I'm not selling it because it has something to do with my life. But I did see something, and I wanted to share that with you today. So I also wanted to share what the Buddha, when he selected to be in nature, perhaps because of certain things, I began to look into his odyssey and what was that about, and how is that related to consciousness? So I looked at that nature can be a mirror reflecting light back to our most peaceful and most vulnerable places. So I definitely felt that. I was definitely an animal out of her element. And I felt sad because I didn't know the other animals.

[21:18]

You know, like, wow, I should know them. You know, and I shouldn't be, like, just afraid of their sound. You know, and am I wondering, am I going to have to fight this being, hurt this being before it hurts me? You know, these kinds of, you know, watching how that. So it was a very good mirror reflection to see where this place inside myself, there is violence and fear, not knowing. And a sort of being in a discovery way, living in a totally way of discovery, it was uncomfortable. And so also nature, with its unsettling noises, which our life has, in the dark forest of our own lives, are cries for wellness and protection. So sometimes I discovered in that... Even in nature, the consciousness is also looking to see what is wellness?

[22:25]

What would that look like? And what is protection? And why would I need it? What is it that I'm trying to be protected from? And how have I done that? And what has that done to my interrelationship with other people? What was the impact? What is the impact of my seeking wellness and that kind of thing? And so, you know, this is coming through just sitting out in nature. You know, it's not from reading a book or hearing a Dharma teacher. This is nature talking that talked to Buddha. Also, nature with vastness of nature eases the feelings of limitations based on remembrance of things in the path. The vastness of nature can ease the feelings of limitations based on remembrance of things in the past.

[23:26]

So a lot of times we're back in our parents' house or back in the house wherever we lived when we were young, or we're back in these other places. And so when we come out of nature, it's like, well, since we haven't lived out here in so long. we're relieved. There's a spaciousness. Or when you go to water, it doesn't have to be trees, it could be water. Or to the mountains, you know, there's a release in the vastness because somewhere inside us, I believe, we remember that. We remember that place and that there's a consciousness inside there. We remember that there is a way in which we can see life differently than what we see it because we live in urban cities and urban areas. And some people are fortunate enough to live like here at Green Bulge. And so their life might be different. We don't know what that consciousness is, what has come up in that living and living among the trees. Also in the vastness, we recognize the rumblings of the forest of our own lives as the advent of transformation.

[24:30]

So everything changes. And I remember, I think I was... We were to be on that earth for three nights. And then I had been kind of lost track of the nights. And then I said, I think this must be the third day. But the night before, that's when the animal was touching my head and I heard all these noises. And I said, I'm going anyway. I don't care if it's the third day or not. I'm done. I packed up all my things. I was the first one packed up because people have to help you carry all that stuff you bring because of who we are as people, all the things we bring to the woods. And so I packed up very early. I think it was five o'clock or something in the morning. and got myself ready out. And when they came down from home base to get us, I was sitting on my stuff all dressed and ready, my leg crawling, I'm ready to go. And so it was this, even though I still was afraid when I came out, there was a, the transformation was just knowing that I had been living out of the element of nature, living out of it and out of alignment with it.

[25:47]

And I wondered how I could reclaim that, you know, and how could I bring nature back into my life? You know, maybe I can't move to places where it's, you know, a lot of nature exists. So, you know, I began to practice that every week. I decided every Wednesday to go out somewhere and to be in the vastness and to learn the trees and learn the flowers and learn the grass and listen to the birds and, you know, What bird is that? You know, try to discover this life that is alien to me, you know, but makes me feel there's a great possibility in life that I could actually have a full life right here, right now, you know, despite all that's happening. And all that's happening doesn't mean to forget it and not to deal with it, but to nourish me so that I can. so that I can face and deal with what life brings. And so the earth gives you time to breathe.

[26:49]

And the aloneness gives you the privacy to expose yourself to yourself. To expose yourself to yourself. Because no one can really see, you know, the base camp people, they do come by and visit you, but from afar. You know, they just make sure you're still alive and that kind of thing. And afterwards, they reported to me that when they went by to see me, I didn't look like who I look like, what I look like. They said I look like some woman, old woman from someplace. I did. I had put up all this fabric all over the trees. And I felt like I was home, like I had found this place, some old place inside myself. And I kind of believed them, too, you know, because I felt very old and ancient. And I could see the ancientness, I think, of the woods and the forest. And even in looking at the manzanita trees and the branches were bent up and just looked like an old woman's arm or something.

[27:56]

You know, I just could see... human nature in the nature and to see that we are nature and that we're nature because we're form. You know, we are form and form is nature. And so I began to walk with that. So it changed that. And I definitely am not as afraid as I was when I first went. It definitely reduced the fear. I mean, if I were, I mean, there would have been a time I wouldn't probably... been able to be at Green Girls, especially if, you know, if I, like, uh-oh, it's dark, I didn't get to my room yet, you know, I would have been worried, but I had changed, you know, in this and some other, in a couple of other experiences, being in the woods and not being afraid of it. So I ask you, what consciousness is available to us that we have not experienced? What consciousness is available to you that you think you may not have experienced it? experienced in your life?

[28:57]

And it's an important question because it's the place of seeking that place and looking at that place in which you can transform your life and transform your suffering or understand it. Let's just try with understanding the suffering because then we always want to know the steps to transforming it, you know. So we might not know what those steps are. So let's look at, you know, wondering, you know, the Ohlone and how their consciousness was effective in them being able to sustain themselves in an environment without all the things that we have to have to sustain ourselves, you know, what it takes, all the stuff. I'm always aware when I have to bring so much stuff to the woods, like, wow, you know. And so I do want to stop there because I feel if... I go on, I feel like I'm convincing you, you know. And what I want you to do is just find your place in that consciousness.

[30:03]

And maybe how does this consciousness affect, you know, homelessness today? You know, why we have our houselessness, you know, when we don't have a conscious of nature. a consciousness that understands nature and understands how we live. How does it affect hunger? How is our lost connection with the earth affecting our consciousness with all these things that we're dealing with, including the shootings, the violence in our world today? I think I'd like to end there. I hope that's enough to help you do something different and we'll later on talk more about it. Okay. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center.

[31:07]

Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize that and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[31:28]

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