I would like to start with a poem by Hafiz. And in that poem, the word God appears. So, the way I understand it, God is not a personal God. You can replace it with the reality of this universe, the spirit of this universe, the life supporting everything, supporting energy of this universe. So if you have a personal history with God that is troubled, I would like to invite you to kind of... suspend that trouble for a little while and just see if the poem can speak to you anyway.

[01:04]

I have learned so much from God that I can no longer call myself a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Jew. The truth has shared so much of itself with me, I can no longer call myself a man, a woman, an angel, or even a pure soul. Love has befriended Hafiz so completely, it has turned to ash and freed me of every concept and image my mind has ever known. I'm going to read the poem again, and I would like to invite you to listen with your body and not necessarily with your thinking mind.

[02:11]

That probably has a lot of comments while you hear this, you know. Do I agree with this? Do I not agree with this? Bloody, bloody, bloody, blah. So, um, just See if your body can listen. All the cells of your body can just hear the sounds without you trying to understand them. I have learned so much from God that I can no longer call myself a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Jew. The truth has shared so much of itself with me that I can no longer call myself a man, a woman, a telephone, an angel, or even a pure soul. Love has befriended Hafiz so completely, it has turned to ash and freed me of every concept and image my mind has ever known.

[03:16]

This has been a very intense week for me. A week immersed in the truth or reality as it shows itself through the forms of this practice. I gave a talk at City Center last Wednesday and then yesterday for the very first time in my life while I was initiating people into the path of precepts, they were in fact initiating me into the path of conveying the precepts. Without them, they shepherded me into being in that role, which was the first time. So I was initiated into that role through them, and they were initiated into receiving the

[04:36]

precepts into their lives through me so the truth always or love or God or reality or whatever you want to call it always comes to you through some form or space or held space that allows that to come through the names that there were five women and one man that received the precepts yesterday. And the five women all had names that had heart in them. So part of doing this is also through a lot of forms. So if you're giving the precepts to somebody, you have to find

[05:41]

a name for them. They receive a Buddhist name. You have to write, you have to fold papers and make wrappers for the lineage paper. They all receive a lineage paper that goes from Buddha through all the names, all the ancestors of this lineage, through the person that conveys the precepts and their name is at the end. So that blood vein or heart connection goes all the way from Buddha through everybody that was in that lineage to their hearts. You have to fold them a particular way. You have to make wrappers a particular way. You have to write calligraphy on the wrapper. You have to write the name card where their name is on it. You have to, the last thing is you have to write on their ruckasu, which is a small version of this rope. with five panels that they have over the course, most of them over a year, sewn by hand themselves with a particular stitch.

[06:51]

So for all of them, for almost a year, over and over, they returned to that intention of sewing, of entering the path of the precepts of this practice by sewing that particular stitch while saying a mantra of taking refuge in Buddha. So, in some ways, you could say their daily life got, and the thread of their life kind of has stitched itself into the ruckus. And there's someone sitting right here. I'm just trying to find your name. I know you, but your name, just go on. Danny. Danny, would you mind standing up and showing you Rakasu? You can come here. Come here. So everybody can see. So this is the small version of this. And then, do you want to turn it over?

[07:57]

Do you mind? So then, this is his name, and this is the name of his teacher. And this is what, is this your name? May I say what it is? Yes. So then he received medicine, flute, profound peace as a name, as a Dharma name. And then there's a little saying and it says, a pearl rolls in a silver bowl. So as the conveyor, thank you, Danny. Thank you for reminding me of your name. I was happy seeing you sitting here. Names sometimes just disappear when I want to have them ready.

[08:57]

As the person giving the precepts, you know, you have this piece of fabric that somebody has for over a year kind of stitch by stitch, kind of sewed on. And it's this white silk. So after you've kind of decided what you're going to do and you practiced on paper, you have a brush with ink. And the moment you set that brush on that silk, it is an absolutely unexpectable moment of of reality because what that ink and that brush and that silk are going to do together is only to a very small degree in your control. Every piece of silk is different.

[10:03]

Sometimes you get a little practice piece with the silk, sometimes you don't. And even if you do, it's still different. And this body is different. And you may want to do it exactly what you came to as the chosen result. Something completely different might happen. And you can't stop. I mean, you can't undo it. So that in itself, so for example, I'm a person that tends to perfectionism. So I, you know, there is this incredible situation where I am absolutely excited about this, that, you know, this is kind of freeing me from perfectionism. which I can't do by myself, really.

[11:07]

But when I have to put that brush on that silk, I have to let go and be completely present to whatever it is arising and respond wholeheartedly to what's happening in that encounter. And that is, I have to let go of my perfectionism. And that is so, such a gift And so these forms are incredible gifts for needing yourself and letting go of yourself at the same time. I don't know if I can put it into words. Some people have kind of faces that I'm not sure if this is totally boring, and some people are kind of right there, it feels. So... But that's part of what these forms are moving you into.

[12:15]

So I again had like this incredible appreciation for what these ancestors came up with and have transmitted to us to practice with. They're like mirrors and gateways to freedom. Four women all had heart in their names. There is one woman is heart, part of their names, heart of truth, a natural heart, a revealed heart, a beginner's heart, and a heroic heart. And when I thought this morning about this talk, because I couldn't even think about it earlier, I realized this is actually like the heart of one person. We all have hearts that speak the truth, if we listen to them.

[13:23]

Natural hearts that are another word for that Chinese character is unadorned, simple heart, a revealing If we listen to the heart, it reveals the truth to us. A beginner's heart because everything is always new and the heart in some ways never knows ahead. It knows right now. But it doesn't concern itself with making plans for the future. And we have a heroic heart that just is there right then. and is doing what needs doing, regardless of whether it breaks itself in doing that, or whether it gets nurtured at that moment. So I was happy when I saw this this morning, that I thought this is all one person.

[14:25]

And those women all have all the qualities of that, and we all have all those qualities, But each one kind of had one more pronounced, more out there, more visible, more... So we all do have a place, you know, our own very own place where we stand in life, which only we can kind of fill. No one else can take our place, and we cannot take someone else's place. So in those hearts, for me, that was a little bit in there. And for me, dharma names have become companions.

[15:30]

When I got lay ordained, I received the name pure faith, dharma, joy, or ecstasy. And dharma could be truth, reality, so the joy of being in touch with reality. And then when I got priest ordained, my first name got dropped on paper. and I received a new first name which is loom of emptiness. Loom, the weaving loom of emptiness, of no self, of no independent existence. And when I was preparing for the ceremony yesterday, I felt like those names came to my help. because that's really what I had to kind of rely on I had to trust and have faith beyond my knowledge beyond being a woman or this particular person or a Buddhist or a Christian or anything beyond my ideas about myself that this is all going to come together I

[16:55]

I had to get out of the way as a person. I had to really be like a loom of emptiness so that it could come together and I wouldn't be in the way of it. For example, my perfectionism wouldn't get in the way of it. And my teacher, who of course left before the ceremony so I couldn't rely on him, you know, he just disappeared, went on vacation, So I had a short brief conversation on the phone with him and he said, remember to enjoy yourself while in the midst of this process. So Dharma Joy was right there too. And so I find over the course of my life, over and over those names actually come up or when I remember them they help me relax. in some way and let go of that misconception in that which I find myself over and over, that it's all in my hands and I have to, you know, I'm in charge and I'm in control and I'm, which I am only to the extent that I have.

[18:22]

My task is to be whole-heartedly present and not to make it happen, which is a difference. So those names remind me and help me. So I do hope the names those women got are going to have that function in their lives to help them relax into just being present. few of those notes.

[19:26]

And, you know, when I wrote them down, they were very alive. But as it always is, you know, I can have an idea about the talk, but all of you showing up here and being here with an intention, you all had to have an intention to arrive here. Maybe very different intentions. Some might have come to go to the garden and felt like they have to come here first before they have a right to go to the garden. So they come here to get it over with and feel free. Some come here because they want to hear what whoever this person is has to say. Or some come to here because they were lonely and want to sit in a group of people. for a while, and nobody is gonna leave. We're all gonna stick together for the amount of time the lecture lasts, and many, many, many other intentions, reasons, but you being here with your intention are actually shaping what comes out of this mouth, which is beyond what I could

[20:53]

But it's the energy field. We find each other. And all of you showing up make what you hear what you hear. So you do hear differently depending on who's in the room with you. How they listen, what they hear, affects you energetically, affects your body, and it makes you hear in a different way, as it makes me speak in a different way. So this is in some way an example of how ceremony and form and presence of people have a transformative effect. So Norman Fisher one day, who was an abateer and is now a teacher on the marketplace, how we call it, once said, a ceremony is creating a space in which transformation can happen.

[22:16]

And he said, what makes that space and creates that space and actually creates ceremonial space is every person showing up. So it's not the priest, it's not the idea of the structure, it's the people that are there and how they're present. And the more they are present, the more that space in which transformation can happen is created and held. So you all to some degree did some forms coming in here. You agreed to take off your shoes. You kind of are quiet. You don't chat in here. You're willing. to listen to the chant at the beginning of the talk or you chant with it.

[23:19]

You either put your hands or bear with some others putting their hands in gasho, just putting them together, your palms together. And all of those little things actually remove us from our everyday's occupied mind into a little bit another space. in which we are open to our own hearts. So this is, we're doing a ceremony together in some ways. And so it's also all these forms that we have in this tradition help us and the care we bring to the form and the care to the detail we do creates that sacred space and the container in which we can encounter who we are beyond the ideas we have about ourselves.

[24:31]

And that's sometimes humbling because we encounter things we didn't think we would be. And it's also sometimes, or at the same time, it has a very freeing effect because we're closer to the truth and truth always sets us free. So I've been thinking also all these women that got ordained yesterday, I can't say much about the man because I met him yesterday. It was so wonderful to have a man in there. in that group of people and somebody else ordaining. So I wasn't alone doing the ordination, which was a great relief too. I was with Michael Wenger and it was wonderful. So all these women are householders. None of them lives at Zen Center. So I've been thinking, you know, most of you here don't live at Zen Center.

[25:37]

So how can... How can ceremony or form be in your life, or how can you make use of the fact that form and ceremony, if practiced, are doorways to freedom, doorways to becoming complete, becoming completely who you are without anything added and anything subtracted. who you are. That's the task, the only task we actually have in life, is to be completely unrestrained, free, spontaneously, completely who each of us is, beyond ideas, without adding or subtracting anything. And forms help us, our doorways to that. And when I was driving here,

[26:38]

because I was from yesterday in a kind of quite free place. Yesterday morning when I woke up at quarter to five and looked out the window, after having gone to bed at 1.30 because I was doing this thing on silk, I looked out the window and there was this light blue sky. with small little clouds in it and the clouds were a little bit gray and then the light was kind of illuminating the other side it wasn't like blinding or anything it was just luminous and it was like heavenly curls the sky was full of heavenly curls it was so breathtaking, and it didn't last. Within three minutes, it had changed. You know, you can't hold on to it. But that was the beginning of the morning.

[27:44]

And then I went to city center, and through the morning, there was this incredible happiness kind of growing in me. I couldn't explain it. I can't put it into words. But I was so happy. Completely quiet, nothing special. I did everything that needed done. I moved chairs around. But so happy. And that's still part of me is here. And I can feel it. And it's touching that place where you're in harmony with whatever is that's happening. And you're not concerned about... whether you do it right or whether you do it wrong or what's coming next because it's coming anyway and you don't have to concern yourself about that.

[28:49]

You're ready without knowing what that means for what's going to come and you do what's in front of you. So this morning driving here and thinking about what You know, what could you take home? You know, you're probably not all going to now join Soto Zen Buddhism and become avid practitioners of Sazen. Maybe you do, and that's fine, but it's not, you know, that's not the only form in which is liberating. That's why I love this poem so much. And I drove, and there was a four-way stop. And I and another car were coming at the same time to the stop, but the other car wanted to turn left. So, if you go by the set-up rules of harmonizing everything on the streets, I would have had the right-of-way because I was going straight, not turning off.

[30:04]

But the car turning off went first. So because I was in that, you know, precious moment for a while and, you know, I'm not there all the time, I tell you, particularly not on the street while driving, I could feel that there was a little disrespect, a little pain, but it didn't matter. I just... Could it be there? If I'm in another space, I would go, you know, schmuck, jerk, or something like that. You know, I would have a reaction and have a judgment about the person, you know, or try to be faster, you know. So because I was in that relaxed space, I could just feel, oh, wow, that's just... a little painful. It's not a big thing, but it didn't do anything more. And so I thought one thing could be, for me, a form is to actually drive on the road like I behave in the meditation hall.

[31:18]

To pay attention to those little details. You know, sometimes when I go in the meditation hall and I'm in a pissed off mood or something because something happens, I don't respectfully bow to my cushion, bow away. I'm busy in my mind going, yaddy, yaddy, yaddy, and why, you know, why did that happen? And I'm going to fix it or I'm going to say something or I'm going, you know, and it will, you know, I will just, you know, bow shortly to my cushion in a way because the whole world is actually, you know, not a nice place to be in. And They should know it. But if I catch myself, because I have to bow, my training is I can't just walk in and sit down without bowing, even though I might feel like that. I catch that I'm doing it that way. I catch that my inner world has such a big effect on how I treat myself.

[32:26]

the minute details of my everyday life. The pencil, the paper, my computer, my neighbor, my lover or partner, my husband, my wife. And if I have an intention of being mindful and being kind to everything I do, I start getting mirrored back what it is. So I thought I could tell you you could go on the road and treat the road with your basic intention. Feel when actually you're in a hurry and maybe you can get by with going, you know, taking your left turn before the other car drives and then maybe just not doing it, just relaxing. Or how you wash your dishes. Are they chipped all over? Do you have to replace them every so often?

[33:27]

And then you learn. Some people can do that and some people are just by nature. Sometimes they chip things and they're just chipped. So it's not like everybody should become exactly the same. But you find out what is coming out of unattention, not being mindful, from being driven by your inner states of mind, and what is your nature? What is closer to your nature? And become more free in that. How are we doing this time? I have no idea. So I would like to read you the refugees we take here because I think you can take that with you into your life and you don't necessarily have to call it Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.

[35:19]

And this is an, I don't know the word, exemplification or extrapolation of the meaning that I found somewhere in a wedding ceremony, and I don't know who wrote it, but it's been kind of accompanying me since, because I just find it so speaks to what this is about beyond denomination, which is relating back to the poem I read in the beginning. To take refuge in Buddha, means to fully know the stillness of your own awakened heart. This stillness contains everything, indifferent to whether or not our lives are dramatic. This still awakened innermost heart of your being we call Buddha life in this tradition.

[36:24]

vowing to fully know this and trust this is to take refuge in Buddha please trust this life to each other to take refuge in Dharma means to be realistic in the deepest sense Dharma means true law or reality itself to take refuge in Dharma is to vow to live in complete accord with the way things really are and with the way things change moment after moment. This means to know yourself and each other and nourish truth in the way you communicate with each other. To take refuge in Dharma means to trust each other as Buddha, which means as awakened being.

[37:28]

And know each other in every way. So this is meant for a couple. But I think you can also apply it to your neighbor in some ways. And then you find out how can you be truthful to your neighbor. And trust. that if you are revealing your truth, the person next to you might be invited to reveal their truth. To take refuge in Sangha means to live in community with all. Sangha means community and refers to our common ground, the earth, our family, friends, fellow students of life and death. To take refuge in Sangha means to acknowledge with compassion the boundless interconnection of all life and to value trusted friends and good teachers.

[38:32]

to end with two poems one is by Mary Oliver it's called Messenger and it says my work is loving the world here the sunflowers there the hummingbirds equal seekers of sweetness here the quickening yeast There the blue plums, here the clam deep in the speckled sand. Are my boots old? Is my coat torn? Am I no longer young and still not half perfect? Let me keep my mind on what matters, which is my work, which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished. the phoebe the delphinium the sheep in the pasture and the pasture which is mostly rejoicing since all the ingredients are here which is gratitude to be given a mind and a heart and these body clothes a mouth with which to give shouts of joy

[40:18]

to moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam, telling them all over and over how it is that we live forever. And the last one is again by Hafiz. Very brief. And I want to send you on your way with it. And love says, is the title. And love says, I will. I will take care of you. To everything near. And love says, I will. I will take care of you to everything near.

[41:23]

To the pencil, to the neighbor, to the flower in the vase, to your own heart, to your own body, to your troubles, to your children, to the food in front of you, to the dishes, to the car, to the schmucks on the road. I will take care of you to everything near.

[41:54]

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