This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. I'm so happy to be here on this auspicious evening. This is the last Dharma talk of guest season 2011. I'm honored to be giving it. Of course, our abiding teacher, Leslie James, gave the second to last talk last Wednesday. But she's always in Jamesburg on Saturdays. She told me yesterday,

[01:01]

sorry, I never had any of your Dharma talks. I said, well, that's the way their proverbial cookie crumbles. So I get to give the last Dharma talk. I want to welcome, welcome everyone. Welcome guests. Welcome our students, our benefactors. And especially I want to welcome our visiting guests from Soto Shu, Reverend Jisoo Forzani, Sokan of Europe. Thank you for being with us, Reverend Forzani. And his assistant, Eju, and Iki Nambara from San Francisco, Soto Shu International. So tonight, I've got a few things on my mind.

[02:11]

Basically, I'd like to talk about gratitude, impermanence, Don Quixote's horse, and you are not alone. And maybe I'll link those together. And maybe I won't. But, you know, hopefully what I had in mind and a little bit on this, which I told my Chico Allison, this is mush, was to talk a little bit about those things and be done by 920. So, gratitude. I'm grateful for my teacher, Sojin Mel Weissman Roshi.

[03:21]

I'm grateful for his teachings and his guidance. I'm grateful for this practice. I could sit here and list the things I'm grateful for all night and probably into tomorrow morning. I am grateful to be doing this retreat we're leading, co-leading with my yoga teacher Darcy Lyon. It's such a joy. The name of our retreat is Exploring the Territory of the Heart. And that's what we've been doing.

[04:26]

The yoga we practice, Darcy's trained in Anasara Yoga, which is sometimes called Heart Opening Yoga. That's the yoga I practice in. I'm grateful for John Friend. I never met the man. Maybe someday I will. I'm grateful that he cooked up Anasara Yoga, somehow, with the help of many beings, known and unknown, no doubt. As guest season draws to a close, I'm grateful for our guests who've been coming these past five months and sharing their practice with us, allowing us to share our practice with them, and supporting Zen Center in many ways that are obvious and many ways that are not so obvious.

[05:42]

I'm grateful for the students. The way this practice has just kept flowing on quite seamlessly, from my perspective, all summer long. Students coming and going. Well, there's a good core of students who've been here all summer And then people coming and going, bringing new energy, bringing their curiosity, their beginner's mind, their willingness, perspicacity, curiosity. It's kind of marveling this morning the way the wake-up bell just keeps happening. The way somehow there's a Tenkin hitting the Han.

[06:49]

That just keeps happening over and over again. People really want to practice. I came in the Zen Do this morning. I was doing the morning Jindo, so I was the last one in the Zen Do. Offer incense and open the Open the practice in the morning. Actually, my Chico is the last one in. Or maybe it's the Tenken. Anyway, third roll down on the Han. I come in. The place was packed. 82 people in the Zendo this morning. I counted the house. I had to. I've never seen that many people in the Tassahara Zendo before. What a great way to end guest season.

[07:54]

People really want to practice. Our founder in Japan, Eihei Dogen, a 13th century Zen master who brought this school of Zen from China to Japan, He said, to seek to know the self is the inevitable will of the living. To be alive is to seek to know the self. To have this curiosity. To have way-seeking mind. People want to practice. 82 people in the Zendo this morning. So, of course, that also brings up, I'm grateful to our Eno, Eileen.

[09:01]

When I gave Zazen instruction on Friday, one of the things I said was, there'll be a seat for you. Don't worry about it. There will be a seat for you. It's like you put me to the test. And when I came in this morning, everybody was seated. Everybody was settled. I know that Eileen and her assistant, the head Doan, Jean, were working like crazy. When I came into Zendo, it was just... just like that, like magic. But it doesn't just happen. We work together. We give. We give our effort. We give willingly to keep this practice going.

[10:08]

And we give from the heart. So gratitude is what opens my heart. And it's what we've been talking about in our retreat. Not gratitude in particular, but what opens the heart. People's hearts open up at Tassajara, for sure. This is a place of great healing. This is a place of transformation. Sometimes people say, I have heard.

[11:14]

I've gotten the feedback. Oh, modern Zen. American Zen. You know, you just want to talk about mushy stuff. All this business about heart and compassion. That's not the real Zen. That's not the real, you know, I want the real stuff. Give me the real stuff. So let me tell you about Zen master Matsu. Very old. Lived from 709 to 788. Early Tang Dynasty. Before Rinzai or Soto school or any other school of Zen was thought of. His was the teaching lineage from which eventually Rinzai school came. His buddy, Shurito, whose name we chant in our lineage, Sekito Kisen Dayosho, his was the teaching lineage from which our school descended.

[12:22]

Matsu and Shurito, they were pals. They were friends. It was said when they were alive, they divided the world of Zen between them. Kind of like Melon Reb. No. Matsu, it said, walked with the dignity of a bull, and his stare was like that of a tiger. And there's very few of his recorded sayings or sermons left come down to us. But here's something that was attributed to Matsu. All matters are matters of the heart. All names are names of the heart. Everything comes from the heart. Everything has as its source the heart. Out at Suzuki Roshi's memorial site, there's this stupa.

[13:45]

Have you seen it? It's a wooden post behind the big stone. Big wooden post. And it's got calligraphy on it, which I can't read. But I've been given the translation of it. And on, I believe it's the west side, there's a quote from the Lotus Sutra, which goes something like, The precepts of compassion roar like thunder. The kind heart is wondrous as great clouds, pouring dharma rain of sweet dew, quenching all flames of troubling passion. thought that was kind of an interesting quote given the events of three years ago.

[14:51]

Pouring the Dharma rain of sweet dew, quenching all flames. So this kind heart wonders as great clouds. The message of the Lotus Sutra is that we all have that. That we can all manifest that. It's given to us and it's given to us to share. Jesus of Nazareth said, you are the light of the world, but if you hide your light under a bushel, it's not helping anybody. So we have to do that. We want to do that. To seek to know the Self is the inevitable will of the living.

[15:58]

Eighty-two people in the Zendo this morning. I am grateful for the teaching of impermanence. very basic teaching of Buddhism. I often say, I take refuge in impermanence. I take refuge in the fact that everything changes. Everything changes. One of the most common symptoms of depression is this won't change. A dear drama brother of ours committed suicide this summer. He had a terminal illness called suicidal depression. One of the commonest symptoms is, this won't change.

[17:09]

It's always going to be like this. I'm stuck and there's no way out. teaching, the teaching of liberation is, it will change. Everything changes. Suzuki Roshi said, one thing flows into another and cannot be grasped. One thing flows into another and cannot be grasped. This human life cannot be grasped. What is it? I was nine pounds at birth, they tell me. I weigh considerably more than that now. Clearly I've changed.

[18:10]

Am I that squalling infant? Well, no. It's always changing, moment by moment, breath by breath. Guest season flows into work period and cannot be grasped. Work period flows into practice period, cannot be grasped. And it's painful, very, very often. Robert Thomas was here a few days ago, gave the talk. He said he was always sad at the end of guest season. I can relate to that, you know. Pretty soon, a lot of us who have been practicing together very closely are going to be saying goodbye. That will be painful.

[19:19]

this is impermanence too. A few days ago, not very long at all, I had to leave Tassajara suddenly because my uncle, my favorite uncle, was dying. And I knew it. My Aunt Mimi was so sweet. She says, well, I know you're very busy. I just wanted to let you know that this is going on. She didn't actually say, he's dying. But I kind of used my intuition. And... Unfortunately, I didn't have too far to go.

[20:29]

I went to San Rafael, where he was, and was able to spend about a day and a half with him before he passed away. To be at his bedside, to hold his hand, even, although he wasn't very responsive, make eye contact. I think... Our abbot Paul Haller has said that all priest trainees should do some hospice care as part of their training. To be with a person in that state of transition is a very powerful experience. flows into death and cannot be grasped. It's a mystery, but I'm grateful for it.

[21:34]

I'm grateful. He had late-stage Parkinson's disease. He was a prisoner in his own body. What if somebody just came along and said, poof, that's okay. You can keep living with late-stage Parkinson's disease forever. No, I don't think so. It's a good thing. Everything changes, and I'm grateful for that. Tomorrow will be the 10th anniversary of the tragedy in Lower Manhattan.

[22:45]

The attack that destroyed the World Trade Center slaughtered many lives, turned Lower Manhattan into a war zone in seconds. What can we make of that? This gigantic nexus of greed, hate, and delusion. People rose to the occasion. There was great heroism. There was great sacrifice. People carried on.

[23:51]

I heard the news of it here in Tassajara in Work Circle. Everyone did what we could to support the people we knew in New York. People are always doing what they can. in the best way they know how. Since we're not having evening service tomorrow, I thought, well, we're not going to do a memorial service to mark this, but we could just sit for a few seconds and remember the deceased, remember the survivors, and also send some love and good thoughts for the people who are putting themselves in harm's way today in the name of service.

[25:08]

So you might be wondering about Don Quixote's horse. I would if I were you. I've been reading Don Quixote all summer. The Ingenious Gentleman of La Mancha. The Night of the Sorrowful Countenance. I think it's the story of the ingenious gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha by Miguel Cervantes. about 400 years old. It's vastly entertaining. I'm a little more than halfway through it. I simply love it. The story is about, it doesn't have much of a narrative arc, so it's kind of easy to pick it up and put it down again. It's a story about a guy who goes crazy. He's a landed gentleman, sort of middle class, bourgeois guy who goes crazy from reading romance stories about knights, stories of chivalry, knights errant.

[27:23]

And he's literally, he goes nuts. He decides he's going to be a knight and sets out on his quest, various quests. Basically, he just goes riding. He ropes his... handyman into being his squire, Sancho Panza, who really should know better. But the thing is, his madness just sort of carries everybody along with him. He's so there with it. So I was reading it in a My wife, Linda Gallion, said, oh, R.H. Blythe wrote an essay about Don Quixote. Do you know who R.H. Blythe was? Linda turned me on to R.H. Blythe. He's a person from mid-20th century.

[28:26]

He lived in Japan. He was good friends of D.T. Suzuki's and was responsible for popularizing Zen early days. Linda actually has... well, quite a few of his books, including the one Zen in English Literature and Oriental Classics. She has the first edition published in Japan in 1942 when Japan was at war with us. And we were at war with them. We dropped two atom bombs on Japan. impermanence. Linda and I were in Japan. Everyone was very, very nice to us. We wore our rakasus and Samui everywhere we went. And everywhere we went, people said, Oh, obo-san, dozo, dozo.

[29:29]

Obo-san desu, dozo, dozo. So sweet. And we found B.T. Suzuki's and R.H. Blythe's memorials in Kamakura, in Tokeiji Temple in Kamakura, the most beautiful cemetery you'll ever see. R.H. Blythe and Aitken Roshi, Robert Aitken, were like roommates in a Japanese internment camp during the war. So here's what R.H. Plythe had to say about Don Quixote. In this essay from this book, the life of Don Quixote was a life of Zen. Indifferent to the opinions of his fellows, without a single thought of self, of self-aggrandizement or self-expression, he lived 24 hours every day, following his instincts, his ideals,

[30:39]

as wholeheartedly, as truly, as naturally, as the blooming of flowers in spring, as the falling of leaves in autumn. It's pretty good. But in the book, you've got to realize, he's crazy. It comes across very clearly. He's like hallucinating all the time. But the character in the book that I like the best is not a very fleshed out character. It's his horse, Rocinante. Rocinante is such a beautiful name. It comes from a slang word, rosin, which means a nag. And ante, as in before, used to be an egg.

[31:42]

Tan Kiyori thought, everybody should have, every knight needs to have a famous horse. But he only had this horse that had like skinny ribs and a really swayed back and was just totally played out, just like, what, what do you want? You know? They said, well, every knight needs a famous horse. So he named his horse Rocinante. And the horse goes with him as he sallies forth in his adventures, his quests. And the horse goes willingly. And, you know, it doesn't play a big part in the book. I suppose if it was a Disney cartoon, the horse would be talking. The horse doesn't talk. Okay, so, you know, a lot of us are familiar with the story that Suzuki Roshi tells in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind about the four horses in the Samyuk Tagama Sutra.

[32:56]

You know, there's excellent horse, good horse, okay horse, and bad horse. And, you know, the bad horse... is the one that you have to whip until it feels the pain in its marrow. And everyone thinks, I'm that horse. And Rocinante is also that horse. Rocinante is just like that. But the thing is, he surprises us all the time. All of a sudden, picks up his ears, dilates his nostrils. Okay, let's go. And Don Quixote puts the spurs to this skinny, played out, pathetic old nag and they're off. Rocinante is like living up to the idea of being this, you know, famous knight, famous horse against

[34:04]

All the evidence to the contrary. He does it. He's always surprising himself. So I think a lot of us have hearts like Rocinante. Exploring the territory of the heart. being open to what's arising, you might be surprised. You might be surprised. You might think, my heart is nothing but a played-out old nag. My heart is not with it. I know, huh? And then, what do you know?

[35:04]

You're off to the races. So you are not alone. This is also Buddhist teaching, teaching of interdependence. Of course you're not alone. But again, major symptom of depression, major symptom of the human condition. Nobody knows what I'm going through. Nobody can relate. I'm alone in this. We've all had that. We've all felt that.

[36:08]

What's the cure for that? It's the mind that sees into impermanence. It's being open to the possibility that you can be of some help in the world. So, in a few seconds, we're going to these bodhisattva vows which are totally crazy. As crazy as Don Quixote. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. How many times have some of us said that? If you just get to the end of a Dharma talk, Congratulations, you made it to the end of a Dharma talk.

[37:16]

Then we all chant that together. Does that count? Are you really vowing? Are you implicated? Are you karmically implicated in that case? Well, I don't know. I'm not going to answer that. But it might be that you'll just get swept up in the madness of it. Just like Rosanante. You prick up your ears and snort and whinny and, oh, what the heck? Yes, I want to do this. And you can't. And a suffering world is asking you for it.

[38:23]

And this is how you manifest you are not alone. This is the way we do it. We wake up together. We manifest our vow together. Dogenzenji, awake or asleep in a grass hut, what I pray for is to bring others across before myself. Although this ignorant self may never become a Buddha, I vow to bring others across.

[39:26]

Because I am a monk. How august. Studying the old words of the seven Buddhas, you pass beyond the six realms. Awake or asleep in a grass hut, what I pray for is to bring others across. before myself. Your practice is for others. Please know that in the near term, some of us go our separate ways. Some of us might not see each other again for quite a long time.

[40:33]

You're not alone. We're not separate. We're practicing together, always. We're waking up together, always. That's the way it works. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[41:23]

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