Do you actually vow to taste the truth of the Tathāgata's words? You think you can say yes or no? The road crew was just here. As you must have heard, they're buzzing. They're really quite fine people. Maybe just because they're so nice to us, they seem.

[01:40]

Everyone's quite exceptional, fine person. Maybe meeting at the end of this road makes it possible. Maybe meeting in robes makes it possible. I think maybe if we met them in Watsonville? Castroville? Where does Richard live? Castroville? You met them in Castroville? Maybe. We wouldn't have the same contact. But we do meet them occasionally elsewhere. They drive their campers into Green College, pulling their speedboats, things like that. But it's one of the, you know, I don't think about Zen Center much, you know, one way or the other, or, you know, I'm just doing it. Unless I have to make some decision, I sometimes think about it. But usually I don't think about it. But when I see the road crew, I feel

[03:18]

something good about Zen Center. Because they're not sitting, you know, they're not sitting or practicing Buddhism, yet they, the road crew, I'm using road crew, I also mean other people we meet in the course of our life in Zen Center. William Sloan Coffin, who wrote some book recently, a couple years ago, kind of autobiography. Anyway, he mentions Zen Center, and at one point he mentions the road crew, because he was down here, and he said,

[04:24]

Why do you like these fellows so much, the Zen people? And Richard or Don, I don't know who it was, sort of debated for a while and he said, well, you know you can trust them. Though sometimes we may find people don't trust us. I've been talking maybe rather too much about the darker side of the world. But, you know, I've been talking about the precepts and the first precept is do not kill and, as you well know, are

[05:45]

fellow student, Chris, was killed. And now we're trying to catch the killer, to kill him, or put him in prison for a life. If we had him here in the Zendo, tied up, what would we do? And this is actual fact, though someone else is doing it. Actually, we're doing almost all the police work. What would we do if he was here, bound up? Would we taunt him, or hit him, or get angry? What would you do? We're doing something right now. The only times the governor has ever He called me, asked me my advice just before signing or vetoing a bill. It was twice. Once, he called me. I forget, maybe the city. Or we were talking, I guess. And he asked me, should he veto the death penalty bill?

[07:11]

I said... I don't remember exactly what I said, but I know several times I said to him that I couldn't kill somebody. Intentionally. But I killed a chick, a quail once, and a cat once. Both had been hit by cars. And they were obviously not going to survive, so I killed them. And I stopped several suicides. And I've not stopped, been unable to stop a couple. And I've said OK to one or two people to kill themselves.

[08:24]

The second one he asked me about, called me here at Tassar, was the right to life bill, I think it's called, which means you have a right to die. You have a right to refuse medical... I think that's what it is. You have a right to refuse medical treatment and say, I don't want all this medical treatment, I don't want to die. Zen teachers, when they're going to die, often kill themselves by stopping their heart. I won't do it today. At least I probably won't. Giving a lecture and then you say, for now, so long. We're called on to decide life, our life. If you actually see your actions, you're called on, very often, to help someone.

[10:09]

in life or death situation. One of the people involved with the case in the city is so upset at nothing happening that he wants to get a gun and go out and find who killed Chris. He's under house arrest at Green Gulch. It's not quite right, but we're suggesting he go to Green Gulch for a while. Elizabeth doesn't know how to hold her water. Sounds like a line from one of Philip's poems, hold your water. He's denying it.

[11:12]

If you want to sit Satsang, you should sit with as much decisiveness, complete decisiveness. It says, even after you've shot all your arrows and your bow is broken, still you shoot. So you should feel like you're lifting up the sky, pushing down on the earth. And you keep trying to sit that way. Zen is very decisive. And if you can't get rid of the random discussion, it's the hardest thing to get rid of. In the eight aspects of enlightenment, Dogen lists, in the list,

[12:30]

random discussion or your infernal dialogue is last after wisdom and everything else. But Dharmakaya is usually first. Satore Kensho means to awaken in Dharmakaya. cows, and the cows of, you know, there's various expressions, and the cows of Eishu are well-fed. The horses of Eikisu, or someplace, are full. A Fudaishi says, empty-handed, I hold a hoe.

[13:31]

It's like the barefoot boy with shoes on stood sitting on the grass. Fatigues of Chan. Empty-handed I carry a hoe. Walking, I ride on water buffalo. Tsukiroshi said in his installation ceremony at Sokochi, I offer this incense with no hand. So you may think nothing matters, N-O-T-H-I-N-G, no hand, no ho, but it does matter.

[15:00]

And we do. Chris was killed. It does matter to us. So Dharmakaya, Satori, Kensho is not all that important. It changes your life. But it may slip by unnoticed. It means you have detachment and openness. To your openness, chains of consciousness, barriers of feeling are gone. You're open to, sometimes you feel tremendous suffering of world, but you have stability or detachment. This is dharmakaya.

[16:06]

But Satori itself is not so important, or Kensho. There's a fellow at Green Gulch who, you know, I would have to say, has had Kensho. I would never tell him so. He's had Kensho, but he's very annoying, and he's always coming up to me after lectures. and everything's oneness and everything, and he's always trying to teach everybody around him. But, you know, he had, I can tell, valid experience, but he, you know, just random experience for him. His life revolves around it now, but he doesn't actually do anything. He just kind of is still so thrilled after two or three years by this experience. Maybe he has an independent income, because it doesn't seem to work.

[17:26]

Helps if you have satori to have an independent image. Much more is expected of us than just some experience. Linji says, Dharmakaya is pure light in each instant of thought. So this koan, you know, Zhao Zhou's Mu, he answered it twice. Once someone said, does a dog have a Buddha nature? And he said, yes, the first time. And then someone else asked him and he said, no. I remember asking Sukhyoji, after I'd been practicing about, I don't know, a year or so,

[18:57]

What is this Buddha nature? On the steps of Sokoji, outside, I asked him, what is this Buddha nature? I was very concentrated, asked him that, but I was also a little annoyed, you know, because I'd gotten into Buddhism to get away from soul and God and those things, and then this idea of Buddha nature. I said, what is this Buddha nature? I said, there isn't any other. He said, it takes a while. But he had some confidence, so I accepted it. Sukhirshi talked about the sixty-four million fragments of the day, the sixty-four million fragments of the day that you see. The fragments that we die in or are born in, these fragments are instant of light, or ongo, or practice period.

[20:32]

How do you make a practice period? How do you make this a practice period? These 90 days? By having no other life but these 90 days. You don't really know where you are. During Sashin you should hardly be washing. It's okay to wash, but you shouldn't be involved. Clean, dirty, smelly robes, sleep or not sleep. And you should be pushing yourself. Last night, when I came in the zendo, I want to come in earlier, but if I come in earlier, you can't leave. By the time I got here, you're all gone. Maybe one or two or three people. But, you know, you have to take care of today, and to sleep, exhausted, sit exhausted with your head between your knees is not sashin either. But please, make your own effort. You don't know where you are. When you're bowing, your bowing surrounds your whole life.

[21:54]

your random discussion too, and your activity is bowing. Whatever you do, it's bowing. We're trying to find out the state of mind that all the activities of the patriarchs come from. But this state of mind is not some balance, you know. In this koan about a hare's breast difference, it says, if you have scale, a fly will change the balance. Samadhi is not disturbed like that. When you have markless scale, Profit is made from both pans, it says in this poem. When you have a markless scale, profit is made from both pans. So walking, walking, walking, sitting, sitting, eating, that's all, just like a baby. Without any distractions, without any drugs,

[23:21]

Just you're going to the toilet, you're eating, you're sleeping, you're walking. You have almost no other consciousness. This should be enough. This kind of feeling, such a relief. This way you will know how, what Dogen means when he says, Ango is the transmission of the Buddhas and Patriarch. Ango is the practice group. Not some state of mind, a fly can't tip. I didn't finish that statement. Basis and aspect do not come from origin and destruction, being and nothingness. A slight involvement in this shifting environment, it goes on to say, a slight involvement in this shifting environment.

[24:54]

this mountain can be demolished. Sounds like atomic bomb. Atom, you know, atom means can't cut and also don't cut. Einstein and his Friends, they thought laws of nature are utterly shareable. Laws of nature are at least quite shareable. And so now we have nuclear bombs. we may be able to solve problems of pollution, I think, or population explosion. But weapons, I don't think so, because we are so emotionally and politically unstable. Laws of nature may be utterly shareable, but that sharing may be the most divisive thing that's ever happened in humankind, because we are so politically and emotionally unstable.

[26:10]

So I don't know if the governor asked me again, should we have capital punishment or not. No, yes, yes, no. You can say no. You can think, oh, this is Buddhism. This is the definition of my life. But if you think you have a definition of your life, or of Buddhism, you haven't been in love enough. You haven't loved or cared enough. We don't know where we are. Don't disturb those people, they don't know where they are. They're wondering about in a daze.

[27:35]

The other night I came in the middle of the night and Moses had a bag draped all over me like grapes. And Moses came snarling up and barking and snarling. He had a little hat on. So I took off my hat so she could see I was a friendly old monk. He could see I was a friendly old monk. Still he was snarling and barking at me. and get up kind of close, still snarling. I put up my hand, he was snarling at my hand. At some point, I smelled right, I don't know. And he was so relieved. Because he was actually terrified. He was putting on this big... But he just, I mean, he just melted. He was so relieved. Oh my God. And then he leapt on me and knocked me flat over. In the dust, you know, because I had these bags all over me. And I was squatting down and he just knocked me right over. He rolled all over and licked all of my face. He squiggled around like spaghetti.

[28:45]

So these 64,000 fragments of the day are not generalizations or not your ideas about yourself or any hesitations. To realize 64,000 fragments of the day or 64 million, it's, it is, is ango or practice period. Sitting here during Break. Suddenly, Norm runs amok, carrying lamps everywhere. And Miriam is blowing at the altar, and lightning is like, I guess there's not too much time. People are running around with lamps in both hands. I always think two hands, but anyway, I didn't say anything.

[29:58]

Maybe it's all right. And I think, my God, there's so much work to do. I feel kind of lazy sitting, watching Norm turn around with a whole lamp. He's trying not to disturb me. He's peeking right up over my head now. And all that work we have to do to keep all these places going, someone, or I'm just doing the work for everyone else, just that. But it's not really work, it's not separate, it is this practice period. They took, you know, some rats, poor rats, and they, you know, put wires in their pleasure brain, you know, And they fix it up so the rat can get a jolt all the time if it wants, or only when it's doing things.

[31:13]

And if you set it up, the rats won't do it all the time. And if you set it up so that the rats are getting jolted in their pleasure centers all the time, they soon are quite debilitated and dragging around. But if they can only get it when they want to, and related to doing things. But for a Buddhist, you know, you can say, Someone may say there's this problem and that problem and various difficulties, but for a Buddhist actually there's no difficulty, just sixty-four million fragments. Is each fragment some difficulty or not? How can you say good or bad? Lamp, cushion, fragrance. We can't want what we want, but we can do what we want. So bring your mind back to your breathing.

[32:49]

Use that at least to stop. And for beginner, long exhale. And your mind on your lower stomach. and your body down and head up, lifting through your back. And you know, when I straighten your posture, if I straighten you, pushing you this way or this way or this way, I'm making you straight. But when I touch your backbone, I'm not trying to put your backbone in some position. You have to find out. your own position of your backbone which you can do by pushing up from the side like that letting yourself back down that's pretty much the way your backbone should be or lifting through your back or inhaling successively and pushing down and contracting your sphincter will straighten you from inside

[34:19]

So I'm not trying to straighten your backbone or push it in. Some people say, you pushed in my backbone and I was stuck with this strange posture. You have to find the posture of your backbone. But I can find out so much about you from your backbone, I can't resist curiosity. But also there's often some spot where you stop rather conscious up to a certain point and then I can't feel any consciousness anymore. So I'm just reminding you to lift through your back. and relax too. So Anga practice period is involved with these fragments, posture, something decisive, no hesitation, sitting, how you sit, how you step, how you eat, what you are doing each moment,

[35:49]

Sutra body. We play, follow the leader outside. Children, like children, just walking. Maybe sheer, sheer walking, sheer sitting, bright cliff, like sheer, bright cliff. Sheer seeing. Anyway, this penetration of your life and your circumstances without any conceptualization or generalization or discrimination is necessary. This is Buddhist education.

[36:58]

Older child doesn't want to see the cookie. You may think, oh, we should test ourselves putting the cookie in front of us. If you think that way, you don't understand 64 million fragments. So we realize dharmakāya, or free play, and next differentiation, realm of differentiation, but from the point of view of dharmakāya or samādhi. Then usually we emphasize exploring the words of the patriarchs or teaching. It's said in the Lankavatara To penetrate the fundamental principles without penetrating the teachings would be like opening your eyes in the dark. Or to penetrate the teachings without realizing the fundamental principle would be like closing your eyes in the daylight.

[38:21]

So these koans are concerned with these three things, dharmakaya, differentiation, and penetrating the teachings or expression. Next stage is more difficult, which is writing the sutras yourselves, writing the poem yourself, writing the song yourself, creating Buddhism yourself. making decision of life and death yourself. But still we have to begin here with this decision, to do sashi. Are you going to taste truth of Buddhist teaching? Be Buddhist Some teachers, I don't understand. They say, lineage, true lineage never went to Japan. It's only in China. I'm Chinese. Or, my lineage is best. Lineage in Japan. Or best teaching is this school or that school.

[40:00]

point of Buddhism is to get away from that kind of thinking. You don't know even where you are. Buddhism is you. This may be worst teaching and worst lineage, but you've got to do the best you can. Here we are. 64 million fragments. Stop thinking you're crazy. Stop thinking someone else knows something you don't. Stop making everything personal. Open your eye of detachment. Each thing you do, each tiny fragment, do completely. Where are you? You don't need to know. Just do each thing you do completely. No one needs to know we're practicing here.

[41:27]

I don't want anybody to even know about Zen Center. We are just here trying to understand each other. To realize phenomenal world as karma and as darkness. It's pretty difficult, you know. Kanno doko. To be ready to test your views. To be ready to test your views with your teacher, with your friend.

[42:39]

by mutual understanding. And we don't, you know, some of us may want to test our intellectual views or some definition we have, but not our personal views, not our private life. You know, the newspapers report lots of violence, but they don't report the violence going on in you all the time. which takes most, you may be worried about Cambodia and things in San Francisco, but most of your time is spent on your personal violence, your personal angers, regrets, and so forth. But that's what the newspapers are actually writing about. And there are newspapers for violent people. You can see newspapers. They sell newspapers by violence. Some newspapers don't have so much. Some newspapers have more because some people need to read about it. It echoes with their own violence. So newspapers are actually reporting your violence. Our violence.

[44:05]

sitting sashim, we find out our immense confusion. Does a dog have a Buddha nature, yes or no? Buddha nature, what's that? 84 million fragments of each day, each hour. Do be ready to test your personal views, your private life.

[45:36]

to bring everything to your practice. Don't just try to express a good part of you. Everything you see and hear is your own karma, your own responsibility. So bow it, plunge into your bow, chant it, sit it, Again, you don't know where you are or what you're doing. You're washed or dirty or eating or not eating. Bow is broken, arrow is broken, but This way you can realize Buddha's Dharma. He didn't have any ideas about your life or his life. Completely undo each thing.

[47:09]

Thank you.

[47:20]

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