Yesterday I mentioned Tozan's answer to a monk who asked, what is Buddha? And Tozan answered, three palms of flax. This is a question you must ask yourself sometimes. What am I doing here? What is Buddhism? What is Buddha, Dharma, Sangha? And we can give various answers for it and commentary on this

[01:13]

story talks about the life-giving sword and the life-taking sword. Life-giving sword means positive way. Life-taking sword means negative way of teaching. If you're going to teach, you have to take one way or the other. life-giving sword is to try to point out the absolute by some gesture or word, and life-taking sword is like, just sit, no explanation. The kind of answer of Tozan, Unmon's disciple, is typical of Unmon's school. But Suzuki Yoshi felt that it's not just a style of Zen at that time, but also because there was great historical, great persecution during that time of Buddhism.

[02:55]

And Sepo was in the deep mountains and Ganto was killed. And it was very difficult to live in China at that time as a Buddhist. So they didn't waste much time, Tsukyoshi thought. explanation. People were more alert or ready. In a time when there's enough social disorder, so everyone has to

[03:58]

no karate or carry a gun or sword to protect yourself. It's pretty difficult for Buddhists who don't carry guns, swords, etc. So what are we practicing for? What is Buddha? As this story, the background, the foreground of this story suggests, there are many ways to answer this question, to respond and encourage students. But this

[05:02]

In this case, Tozan is not using, really, life-giving sword or life-taking sword in any way. He's just saying, three pounds of flax. It's more like a thrust than some words. He means, stop thinking about what is Buddha. What is Buddha? What am I doing? But that's pretty big. That's biggest answer to what is Buddha. Stop thinking about what is Buddha. So, you know, that always is the problem. What are you going to do then? We always want practice to be something, everything to be something we can manage or understand or digest. We want to say, Tozan meant that you are Buddha. Or we want some kind of explanation other than just three pounds of flax. We want to make Buddhism manageable. If you want

[06:44]

If you want easy practice, you want it manageable. If you want strict practice, you want to be managed by practice. Real problem is stop thinking about strict practice or easy practice or what is Buddha or what isn't Buddha. Can you live with something which exceeds anything else in your life, to which everything else takes second priority, but you yourself don't know what it is? You can't explain it, you can't understand it, you don't know how to do it. Best you can do is just try to be sincere with yourself.

[07:46]

This is Tozan's answer to the monk, three pounds of flax. But everything, you know, if you understand what Tozan meant, then three pounds of flax is Buddha. Everything takes first priority. As Philip said during the Shuso Ceremony, there is no object without your mind which observes it. There is nothing you perceive independent of your mind. So Buddhist way, and way of Oriental culture too, is

[08:53]

to look at the mind that's on everything. What is the mind that's on everything? Always you see some entity plus mind. What is that mind? So yesterday I was talking about this consciousness from here to your pillow. And when you breathe in Sashin, I want you to be aware of this consciousness from here to your pillow. Let's start there. So your body is like a hole, H-O-L-E, just a hole, and air is coming in and going out. Actually, mostly it's air, and some goes in and some goes out. sometimes a lot, and sometimes not much, sometimes almost none. And your breathing should penetrate into your intestines and stomach. You feel it way down. And instead of criticizing people or

[10:24]

making some judgment. As soon as you make some judgment, consciousness is lost. It's very particularized then. The consciousness of a juggler who doesn't concentrate on any one ball which is rather stable, is the direction we are talking about. And your breathing,

[11:27]

and consciousness begin to penetrate. If you are sitting relaxed, your consciousness and breathing will penetrate to the cushion and to the top of your head. And you'll feel it, you know. It will then fill up this whole hole. And then your hands will begin to feel, and arms. Pretty soon you can, your breathing will reach every part of you. With every breath you'll feel this infusion. And sustain. This consciousness without an object, finally, without any object, pure consciousness, has a whole, complete feeling.

[13:26]

no ambivalence in it, no contradictions in it. And in Latin, you know, the word virtue means whole and complete, like integer, which also has a sense of able to be integrated at the same time as whole and complete. So when you find yourself with ambivalence, or always some divided kind of consciousness, I think there's no way to avoid

[14:35]

on one side, looking at our morality or virtue. And if you're a person capable of fine-tuning, your state of mind is very finely tuned, even though you think you're doing pretty well, if your state of mind is always divided. It's not just that your zazen is not so good. but in some way you're not sincere with yourself and with others. And in this practice, a miss is as good as a mile. Just slightly off and your state of mind is divided. On the other hand, if you're trying and missing, it's then possible to have this experience in your zazen of pure consciousness. And today, people are starved for

[16:03]

people who are sincere with themselves. Everyone is looking for it. Everyone wants to find somebody who feels And this honesty, in the Buddhist sense, means you know your consciousness before it's divided.

[17:06]

Go as you go, without thinking. This is very strict practice, to just go as you go, without thinking. Or to find out how to practice, in Tozan's way. three pounds of flax. Something which we can't manage, can't understand. And yet somehow we approach. It means we have to trust each other and trust others. To trust Sazen means just to trust yourself, to trust your pure consciousness.

[18:21]

And it's not all hopeless, you know. It's not done just from your head. You will find out after you practice for a while. If someone asked you, how do you do something or how do you see something, you would say, I see it from my stomach.' Tsukireshi, talking about when he was a monk listening to the teacher talk about koans, he said, we were getting up at two in the morning and going to bed at nine and every day, not just during sessions, every day. And there were no naps. And if you did zazen, when you did zazen, you were hit all the time if you were sleeping. So lecture was the only time you could sleep. He said, I couldn't even remember who the person they were talking about.

[20:33]

But he said, it's like a walking stick. If you're going to walk, you have to have a walking stick if you need it. And so he used koans in that way. If he was going to talk, he needed something to talk about. But he said, actually, I'm talking about what my stomach sees. So let's start, as I said yesterday, making this consciousness sit with us. And breathing throughout this consciousness, from your pillow to the top of your head. And letting this consciousness take care of you during the session.

[21:44]

We know we don't understand three pounds of flax, or what is Buddha, or what we're doing. So what do you let take care of you? Can you quit trying to manage your life? Is Cho-san's suggestion. commentary says, Tozan was not wasting his short life with some offhand remark, three pounds of flax, and said,

[23:09]

As the cormorant flies, the rabbit is pounding. Cormorant means the sun, and rabbit means the moon. Have you noticed in the moon there's a rabbit? Yeah, you must have noticed. Do you still see a man? Anyway, in India and China and Japan, they see a rabbit. If you look, the rabbit is much clearer than the man. He has ears, and he has... it looks like a rabbit, and he's got something in front of him, making mochi ears. And in the sun, they say there's a... sometimes they say there's a crow. And I think the reason is, is when you look at the sun, you get a black spot. So they say there's a black crow in the sun. But anyway, the kumarat also means the sun. And it means implication is incessant Buddhist activity or skillful activity. I've never seen kumarat.

[24:42]

Have you seen it? But Tsukiyoshi had never seen it either, but he said it means skillful means, because I guess they maybe manage ten birds or so, and you have to get the fish out of the bird's mouth I don't know how it goes, but that was Yoshi's explanation, that he had heard. They do it on the river over there near where he used to live. Do they use one bird or more? Several. Don't they have it fixed so the bird can't swallow the fish? Have you seen it too, Paul? Do you have any questions about breathing or posture?

[26:44]

And I'm going to affect the two characters you select. And I also talked about this. What can I say? Some muscles you have to use in Zazen, particularly beginners, just to work against muscles that are already tied up. One of the most, as I pointed out before, subtle things that you do in a monastery is you always carry your hands this way, everywhere you go.

[28:24]

And it requires some muscles or strength to do it. And eventually it begins to kill you. I mean, your back hurts and hates to hold it. Every chance you get, you want to put your hands down. And anybody else in the monastery says, no, no, that's for old men. Only old men walk around like this. It's old men, so you have to put your hands down. It hurts you like a knife in your back, if you do it day and all the time, where you're tied up. It's like if you take this kind of clear posture, it eventually makes the unclear ways you're tied up give way, but they hurt like mad for a while. The same is true in your posture. Most people are a little bit left or right or forward or backward or twisted at first, so you need some muscles to keep trying to sit straight. Posture is held to a very large extent by your breath.

[29:53]

Visualize the volume of air supporting you, and turn your attention to your air, and see if it will help you sit still. But the first one or two days of a session like this, we are just getting our pace. You'll be a little more awake later on, I hope. Yes. Yeah, something wants loose. Something wants to escape. Something. No, it might be something in your muscles. But.

[31:14]

It depends what you mean by mind. Anyway, that's very common. Physical movement and mental movement. When you get very still on the outside, the physical and mental movement inside is very difficult to actually sit still. It will stop. And if it doesn't, surround it. I don't know, it's hard to describe. Anyway, we surround it.

[32:28]

Yesterday's lecture. I used to, too. I really don't think it's the lack of sleep that's so much along that line. I experienced it, too, a lot. It all went from the summers that you wouldn't be able to fall asleep, Just sitting a few more times, although they were quite artistic and some had a lot of energy, but it's kind of like the reality of sitting. It just, I don't know what happens over there, but it's like I'm being whacked by a firecracker or something. Bouncing. Although I love it. I love it. Could you hear what he said? No. That's the end.

[33:51]

He said he's pretty groggy and sleepy, and he doesn't think it's just because he's tired, but because clarity is bopping him over the head. That's sort of what he said. He doesn't like pain too much. I think other people share that. And, but that's easier than clarity. Clarity is more painful, or more... tunes one out more. That's very true, completely true. And you're, maybe after this practice period, you're leaving Kasahara, and you're wondering what to do, what your practice is. You want to go to sleep, I think. But because you're leaving, that kind of problem will be increased. Yes.

[35:19]

Can you speak just a little louder? It sounds musical, but I don't know. I don't know, it's kind of a struggle. If you could stop me. Yeah. I can't see through the mask. I know. Well, you have to breathe. So I'd stick to doing

[36:57]

and see what happens to the rest. Hmm? May I? May I ask a question? I was wondering if in the body itself, what is the body? What are the charges? Why does it get hectic when you try to loosen it with your breathing? or it goes through the pressure of the wall. Follow me. I want you to feel this movement. It's very powerful. I really like it.

[38:15]

It's gonna drop, it's gonna drop. It's just like, it's gonna be one step down. It's terrible. Try it again. That's, that's why I love you. Well, maybe some contradictory attitudes are useful. One is, if you come to some blockage, you're completely willing to stay there. At any stage, there may be one million stages, it doesn't matter what stage,

[40:21]

If you want to change too much, your way is not very subtle. First you just, okay, I may be blocked, it's all right. That's very close to just sitting, no idea or attitude, you're just sitting. Some think blocked, all right, but as things come and go, you let them come and go. Everything is welcome, including blocks, demons, etc. As Milarepa did, if demons come, you ordain them. If you can't ordain them, you let them ordain you. Preach the dharma to them. If there's some blockage there, you preach the dharma to it. Or just welcome it. Oh, hello, blockage. But also you can I like the idea of you're trying to loosen it with your breathing. You could try to do something like that. Or you can just take what is that spot, what is that blockage? For the whole session, or the whole year, or your whole lifetime, what is it?

[41:53]

expecting or needing an answer. Some friendly, not adversary, approach. In fact, I have a question. If you would define how it happened, You know, the feeling is more like you meet somebody you like. And you don't ask them, why do I like you? Or what, where did you grow up? What kind of person are you? So much as you just, when there's an opportunity, you take the opportunity to spend time with

[42:54]

You sit on their doorstep, sort of, until it's message and isn't. And like that, what is it that's like that? Just to take an opportunity to spend time with this friend you've discovered, lodged in there. That kind of attitude. And way back there, yes? Right? So part of what I'm saying is that I think it's the best way to approach it is to start thinking about some of the ways in which you can experiment with it. Like, I'm actually doing it right now, and I can't be sure if it's going to disappear. I haven't figured out why this creative trend exists in the past 10 years. There isn't a real way right now.

[44:05]

I think putting your mind in your hands is very difficult. It's very common advice, but very difficult. You have those kind of problems, like I was saying yesterday. Where are my hands? What is my mind? What is putting my mind? You don't know exactly. But you noticed you went way off. As I said, it's very difficult to be sincere with yourself and to follow your consciousness, to keep your attention on your consciousness, not wandering about with this or that idea that you think is real. More like a juggler. Even if your mind goes off, it's just like going to come back.

[45:16]

You don't lose awareness of your whole being at the same time. So just go, it's like acrobatics, you know. For a while you just go back and forth, so first you're caught and then you come back, and then you're caught and then you come back. And eventually you begin to find out there's, even though you're caught and come back, it's beginning to happen within your consciousness. Yeah. Sometimes I just feel like I'm hearing too many instructions in my head. So I start to feel like there's something in my head that I'm trying to figure out. I feel like I'm trying to figure out what to do.

[46:20]

It would be best if I gave one lecture a year and you really listened. And since you don't listen, altogether you don't. I have to keep repeating myself in different forms. One koan is all we need, just one koan. If you really penetrate it, it's enough. But actually, everything I say is the same, and every koan is the same. In a sasheen like this, where we're doing I mean, I think you should try. Unless you're really working on something, you should try what I'm saying. If you're already working on something and they don't come together, then stick with what you're working with. But the depth of our opportunities, our consciousness, is very great.

[47:51]

The more you're conscious, a seven-day sasheen is a thousand years, not just some thin, narrow hour by hour. Anyway, the best way in all of Zen teaching is to forget it as fast as possible. You hear it and forget it, okay? When you're talking about something, you're only talking about what is happening just then. When you're doing zazen, you don't have to select all these things so much as you just do what you're doing just then. The rest of the stuff you can forget about. You know, what I'm trying to do is I'm

[48:54]

maybe with you in detail like this, one hundred hours or five hundred hours, in two years or five years, maybe one thousand hours, but I want to convey to you twenty-five hundred years of Buddhism, you know, many, many thousands of hours of your life. So, it should be possible to speak to you, so you forget and so you remember when it's useful. I'm always remembering things as if you said, which I didn't know I even heard at the time, or were contradictory to what he was saying, but now I. So, in the years I was with Suzuki, actually, everything... I will never exhaust what he said. Or my time with him. In my one lifetime, or all your lifetime. Someone over here? Yeah.

[50:24]

I also have a problem with joining a group of people. I'm afraid to do it. And then, when you're saying you did, did you get locked in? Locked in. This is not exactly what I meant. That's true, it may be interesting to see what happens when it collapses, etc., but usually if it collapses we're not paying attention, so we didn't know it. So, we've lost the chance already. But more that you don't try to find, oh, that's the position, and then you sort of put plaster of Paris in your muscles, can fix it. Anytime your hands come together they automatically fix it. It's your mind in your hands that gives it its position. And when your mind goes, it goes. That's what happens actually. But then

[51:54]

You know, eventually your mind is in your hands, too. Your hands are their own consciousness and maintain your mudra. And to feeling, you know, in your mudra is a lifting feeling through here. And feeling in your back, just through this area, You feel like you're lifting, like that. And through your back, it's the feeling of, if I hold this still, and I try to lift this point, you know, that happens. So you're not actually curving your back in as much as you're lifting through the back of your neck and the small of your back. You're lifting up to here. And that makes your back curve slightly. And then you relax.

[53:22]

It's true that the half-lotus or lotus posture is more stable than the half-billy that you sit in, or whatever we call your posture. But you... That's what I called my posture, the half-billy, when I couldn't sit. But your back you can still have straight in that way. It's harder to... unless your legs, the lower part of your body is stable, you always have some tendency to do this. And sitting Seiza, or with your legs back and your pillow underneath you, you can sit very calmly, but you still are using muscles, because there's a tendency to do this. And you can't have that lifting feeling. So, you just do the best you can. But any approach toward cross-legged, posture is better than Seiza posture. Seiza posture is too swingy for Zazen, for a long time.

[54:56]

How is it the same? Yeah, you don't want to just fix it. You put it and you have the feeling of opening it up, that's all. Opening it up and touching your thumbs lightly and keeping it that way. By your attention Well, one more. Okay, let's just talk about it from an involuntary point of view, all right? If you sit a long time, or sit sashimi, your muscles will tense up, that's true. And when your muscles tense up, a second sort of involuntary action occurs. You want to get up. You want to move.

[56:44]

So, that's quite usual. So, you have to counteract that, you know, and when you counteract that, you add tension to your pain. So, you make it worse, you know, by resisting wanting to move. So, the first stage, there isn't much we can do about it. If your muscle tenses up because you're sitting a long time, It does so. The second stage, we can do something about it. If you finally can realise you're not going to move, unless there's some physical damage to your legs or something, but assuming it's okay, you're not going to move, you're just going to sit the sasheen, that's all. You're just going to practice Buddhism, that's all. That feeling.

[57:45]

then that desire to move goes away, or you can begin to, you know, ignore it, and physically ignore it. When you can begin to physically ignore it, then you can begin to relax your muscle that's tense. The first stage is to get so that you can get through that involuntary desire to move, which makes you tense, that you have to keep fighting it. In your muscle you fight it. Yeah.

[58:29]

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