But like you did now, it talked a little bit about the process of this semester. And so it's a delicate matter of writing experience in ideas, because most of us that maybe not all of us are so prone to shift from experience into being caught up in our thinking, you know, and then our thinking involves our opinions, our judgments about ourselves and about others, all sorts of wonderful things that most of the time are much more interesting to us than what's actually happened. But the other side, The idea is that they can give us a framework and they can give us a parameter.

[01:25]

It gives you a framework of reference that could naturally, in response to that, that matter quality will become most current. whether it's registered, or . And then when you add in the question, as we've been doing over the last month, how was that in your body? How was that in your state of mind, in your mental context? How was that in an emotional problem? And so each of the frame of reference depends on the capacity to notice. My heart beat a little trouble. My shoulders tighten up a little bit. Oh, I felt a little bit. So that's the idea of keeping the love. And then in reflection, we get to remind ourselves of the subjective nature of our life.

[02:40]

Maybe in the midst of it, there's so much going on. Maybe we were completely focused on the object. Here's what was going on outside. This is what was happening. This is what kind of others were doing or not doing, or what the weather was doing or something. Just to, in a kind of reflection, to be able to know for ourselves, well, in the midst of all that, here's what the subjective experience was. It was this bodily thing. It was this mental state, this emotional state. And then can we take it in to real time? Like right there, while they're in the throat, and you know, oh, that's the description saying this to me. I'm having this kind of experience. Right there, as you're sitting here, it would take me notice.

[03:45]

your physicality, you notice your posture and how it's linked to a mental state or emotional state, you know, so that the activity becomes real. Because in reflection, you know, you think, oh, yeah, this happened at once, you know, in the evening, you think, okay, well, this happened at once. Well, it takes me to your memory of what happened at lunch. And that was always kind of violent. We just couldn't remember so well. Interestingly, what we tend to do is we tend to remember the way we remember. We tend to remember what was notable for it. So in some ways, that's very interesting. What do you remember? What was happening? It's the strongest memory, you know, that the other person said a particular phrase.

[04:53]

You know, you talked for 10 minutes and the one phrase that really was fixing the mind. Well, that's very interesting. It's the strongest memory and emotion. Oh, I really remember at that time, I was very frightened. I don't actually remember what they said that made me frightened, but I just remember being very frightened. So even reflection later, even though it's biased, it still can be very important. And then we can notice what we do with it. Oh, until I set time to reflect on it, I had given another thought. Or has it lingered all day, you know, like a shadow, making yourself a little bit, oh boy, I think that had happened, you know, you're carrying it weekly, you know, on your back.

[05:59]

So noticing that she, noticing, I'm saying interpersonal, how did it affect, or is it still affecting the relationship You feel closer to them. You feel more distant from them. Has it influenced opinion and judging? Has it affected your sense of yourself? Is there some self-criticism about having that kind of response? Is there some criticism of others? So our awareness, as we develop it, has these different modalities to it. The physicality, the mental, the emotional.

[07:02]

And then it's through your homework. For the last period of time, just try to notice the pattern. You notice upon reflection that you're more inclined to mention Things are difficult. Let me see what happened today. All of this, I had another difficult situation. And that's why you gave me pleasant and unpleasant. Because it's an attempt to just meet your love in an unbiased way. Okay, well that happened, that was pleasant, that happened, that was unpleasant, that happened, you know. More usually, something happens for us and it has a psychological significance. And that makes it notable, memorable, has a stronger impression.

[08:04]

It's just literally more significant. So we carry that. So can we notice it? And then can we play with it a little bit? Okay, there was that, but what else? Nope. Can you notice whether it's an unpleasant? Or can there be an inner candidness about noting the difference? And that's what it is to do. You know, we notice whether it's an unpleasant. And this is kind of a mix of a couple of qualities. It's a mix of what you might call open, non-attached awareness. Unpleasant happens, you just notice it.

[09:05]

You don't grasp it, you let it happen, you let it pass. Pleasant happens. And then there's also kind of A kind of equanimity. Equanimity is not that you don't feel anything. It's more like you don't get stuck in a feeling. Because you will always. It's going to happen, and you're going to go. The fact that it happened doesn't need to do something about it. The fact that it was pleasant, you don't have to grasp onto it and try to keep it happening. Or that if it's unpleasant, you don't need to push it away and try to stop it. Some non-attached balance, but not static, a kind of new role.

[10:14]

And sometimes upon reflection, in a quiet space, the capacity to do it is more available. So this is what we're trying to introduce it to, this sense of just meeting your life, letting what happens happen, and finding a way to notice it as a subjective exhibit. Of course there's the objective, of course. But the reference of the subjective that helps us to start to make a direct contact. So we're referencing more what's happening than our opinions, our judgment, our reaction, our moods, our psychological significance.

[11:19]

That is a more immediate reference. Because often what happens, if this happens, then I have this kind of response to it, then I formulate these kinds of conclusions and judgments, and I expect to live my life according to conclusions and judgments. And that's what I'm talking about. And those conclusions and judgments are a repeat or a reinforcement of my habit. And so awareness, mindfulness is teaching us, if we can go directly to the right experience, we learn something about not being stuck in our habits. If we can go directly to the right experience, we learn something about not reinforcing our habits.

[12:26]

And when I say it, you know, it's not so much learning in the sense that we have more ideas about it. It's more like learning about someone who, you know, it's more like through doing it to learn about it. rather than you have all sorts of opinions about what it takes about and what it puts, you know, your center of gravity over here. Some of that helps. But a lot of it is just trying to fill out the world to an extent. Would you say, though, that the realm that you're talking about is really sort of more of a simple living realm versus, like, you know, for me, I'm sort of listening to you and I'm applying it to a professional situation where I'm trying to figure out how I feel about a decision that I need to make.

[13:36]

Could we play with that? Could you just? Sure. You don't have to be, you know, you don't have to disclose the inner secrets of your life. Okay, so I will know this. This is probably a good one. So is it my boyfriend? No, okay. So I've been in this process for a while now where I'm very deliberately looking at different companies that I might want to work with. And when you're doing that, is there a significant emotion related to it? Excitement? Fear? Anxiety? All those. All those. Any other? I mean, that pretty much sums it up. Interest. There's an intellectual interest. I think the bigger thing is.

[14:41]

Let me ask another question. So overall, would you consider this consideration a pleasant or unpleasant experience? Okay. Yeah, definitely go. In fact, in many respects, it's a lot of both. And that really, I mean, I'm okay, I'm pretty balanced about it. So, the fear is that I want to be careful not to replicate the situation that I'm in now. In terms of, I want to make sure that it's the right environment in terms of how I feel walking into this space every day. And I want to make sure that the company itself, in terms of the way that business is building, doesn't have these obstacles that are really too challenging for them to be able to make the strides that they need to make.

[15:46]

It's internet world and there's a mobile world and there's a lot of There's a lot of complexities in that space that you have to look at. So I was pretty excited. So this engages certain kinds of thought processes. Yes, it engages certain thought processes. So I had a meeting. So I was really excited last week after I talked to this one woman. She just has this energy about her. And a lot of the things that I think about this particular business model make sense to me. There's a lot of good things about it. Then I went into the company this week and I met with two other people. Well, first thing that I'm noticing as you're talking about, I'm reflecting on, there's something like, I don't know how I feel about it now, but so I walked into the office and it was pretty barren. Granted people were out of town, but it wasn't that dynamic vibe that I'm,

[16:49]

that I want. And then there were certain things that were uncovered that were about the business itself that I'm like, it's going to make it too challenging for them to be able to leap. So on the one hand, I'm trying to keep this in. Forgive me for a second. On one hand, there's unpleasant... I don't feel as pleasant about the whole experience. Yet, on another hand, I'm trying to... I don't want to... Is there a story around it? I mean, I have to do an analysis. But... But... there's always going to be things that are, you know, not perfect.

[17:52]

So I'm like, usually I just try to just trust my gut and that's been pretty helpful, but... But let me offer you something. Thank you. Okay. So I enter this situation, an office space, like I have a physical experience. And from that physical experience, I draw a conclusion. And that conclusion, it sounded like it had an emotional, what do you call it, at the beat. Yeah. And that emotional attribute, that natural conclusion put together creates hesitancy and uncertainty.

[19:03]

And that has an emotional attribute too. And I have this hope for my career and I have this around this avenue and this opportunity. And then I have over here this information given from my direct experience of the environment. And that registers quite strongly and it makes me see that what I experience and how I think about it is significant for me. Right. So just look me up that way. So it's like this is all the territory of my subjective work. This is my experience of this environment.

[20:05]

That's not to say, and of course I'm right. And that's not to say, and of course I'm crazy. So that's how I work with that in here, and then eventually I can explain. Then there comes the intellectual process that I actually ultimately have to deal with in the real world of, is this going to be right? Well, there's everything. There's the intellectual process, there's the emotional process. If it disturbs you so much you can't sleep at night, well then, that's probably a significant detail, right? Or if your body keeps quivering at the very start of going to work there. And we get all sorts of signals. And some people will say, no, I don't have much emotion around it. I'm nauseous. The very time I did survive, and I did not do it.

[21:06]

But emotionally, I'm like, well, Our other people will be very analytical, you know, the assessment and the judgment will be whatsoever. Okay, I'm having this emotion, but actually, to be rational about it, it's like this, you know? So to notice our subjective world with this kind of evenness. Okay. Here is what's happened. And of course, that's the life I'm living and I have to live. I'm either going to move forward, take the drive, I'm going to call them up and say no thank you. Or I'm going to say, I don't know yet, can I interview somebody else or whatever. But be aware of noticing the particulars of our projective world.

[22:21]

And that's what we would like to ask you to try to work on. But that is the extension of the whole world. Can you notice the pattern? Can you notice the consequences? What happened after that experience? Did we go around all afternoon smiling? Or when you're upset and distracted and find it hard to focus, all that, you know? You have more of a sense that your life's going really well, or you have a kind of sense of foreboding of, is it really not OK? And can you notice how it gets triggered, you know? Attending to our subjective world, trying as best as possible, to return the direct activity. The more we move more content into our psychological patterns, the more we're removing ourselves from the direct activity.

[23:32]

But the more you find yourself saying, well, people only do this to you. If it can we experience directly, this is what's happening with this person, you know? If it's what I notice from then, here's how I notice when I'm responding. The more there is that direct experience, the less likely we are just redirect, a well-established pattern, and fully engage it, and it's only in the context of that. Does that make sense? I have a question. How do we link each other? How do we link each other? How do we link each other?

[24:32]

How do we link each other? Like, when I saw a map, people found that I'm doing it while they come back. And you know, I want to tell them. And part of me, I get that, whatever, again. I see that happening. So once you recognize that, how do I, how do I, to get to the, they're saying, I'm glad that you recognize it intellectually and you'll see it. But I actually have to look at it and say, oh, I see this is happening. So that's an intellectual exercise when I'm dealing with a voice. Well, one of you, is the intellectual. And in some ways, we're going to stress more the physical. Because most of us are so convinced by the intellectual. And so the physical will give us like a different reference point. Because we will tend to think the way you think.

[25:33]

And when we come back to the direct experiencing of the violin, sometimes it will offer us a different piece of information. It's like you think, no, I'm just fine, this doesn't bother me at all. And then you know that you're actually nauseous, and you think, hmm. Maybe this does bother me. Maybe this is something I'm making sure of, not being so advanced by... what my mind is saying and pay a little bit more attention to my body. There's all sorts of ways. Maybe when you're talking to someone you're inclined to turn your body away. move closer, or move further away, or, you know, or even get shallower.

[26:42]

The body is a great rep. Very helpful to kind of grind yourself into the body. Because a lot of the difficult things we experience, physical experiences, will tend to pull us off. I don't know. But I don't think I'd like to finish the point. So then the right word is partnership. So you come back from truth, and then you know there's a pattern of the hate, or feeling disconnected. Well, there's a lack of time to create this information I mean, what exactly is it to feel disconnected? Is it that I feel a little bit spaced out and unfocused? Is it that I feel over stimulated and I want, I crave quiet and silent?

[27:59]

Or what is it? What is it? So coming back to direct the experience and explore it. I had a situation and I felt tired, but I thought of even the direct experience Well, the direct experience teaches us what's going on. They provide us with information. And then we do something. Whatever that might be. We decide, okay, I'll just sit here in this chair and notice the light and the sound and the whole physicality of it and let that help me to feel connected and grounded right here.

[29:16]

I'll walk around the office and say hello to everybody. Whatever arises out of the information you get from that experience. What I was trying to say, though, was it's not like equanimity. It's just everything with a neutral event. Sometimes we have neutral events. It's a more thorough exercise. I just wanted to focus on that actually mainly with not simply neutrality. But it's not like, OK, make your whole life neutral. So that, you know, you need a life or just life, anything.

[30:20]

That's not the point. The point is, if you notice what happens, and what that triggers, and whether that gets grasped or pushed away. For those of you who know that space where you don't go, they're studying the ways of trying to solve. So how do you know, how do you learn how to not get stuck in your habits? By getting in touch with how you do get stuck. And in the process, you learn patience. You learn compassion. You learn all these things that go along with it. Any other thoughts or questions?

[31:29]

I'm so lucky to talk about this. I missed the mid-point class with you, so let me know if you already talked about this. But the back of the page, the front of the page on the homework talked about the event and then the physical reaction and the emotional reaction, I believe. So that was just more objective, perhaps, just looking at the direct experience. And in the back, I found, is where I really went wild and heard a lot because it seemed a lot more intellectual to me. What additional thoughts you put on there, feelings, sensations, what did you observe or learn, and what are you thinking now about it, perhaps? May I pick a last question? And I wondered what the purpose of the back of that page was, because I just could, you know, write all day and it was much harder to do the physical and emotional, but very informative.

[32:32]

Yeah. But what the back was about is that we do think, we do have opinions, we don't create control and judgment and acceptance. And so can we be aware of that too? This is my opinion. Okay, I have an opinion. I mean, practice a lot of opinion. Don't have an opinion about anything. If anything, don't have an opinion in a way that it becomes an absolute. It's just the opinion of the moment. That doesn't mean Well then there's no other grounds for taking an action. No, light does not set it. At some point you have to decide, will I go for another interview or will I not show you? Whatever.

[33:34]

So in a way you can show that awareness, you build from the simple to the complex. Can you notice your feet on the floor? It's kind of like simple, Can you notice what you're thinking? That's a more complicated notion. Can you notice that you're thinking? Can you notice what you're thinking? Can you notice the feelings that get stirred up by that thinking? So it gets more complicated. And as we pay attention to it, sometimes it feels like the thought content is the most significant. And sometimes it feels like it's more like the feeling is the most significant. The feeling will get stirred up. It has a lot of energy.

[34:39]

And that's the problem. So we're going to take a break, and then we're going to go to small groups. And the idea is that in reference and using your own grid is what you wrote as a reminder, as a reference, to discuss, you know, what I was trying to do. And then you go through, here's an experience. This walk is an experience. This physical, this emotional, this mental. And then that stirred up it. From the point of your awareness, that's immediately good or bad. That's just what happened. Doesn't mean you're a wonderful person. Doesn't mean you're an awful person. It just means that's the condition that makes you have your life. It made you angry.

[35:40]

It made you feel grateful. It frightened you. It made you feel fearless. That's what happened. And you let it come into clear awareness. Clear awareness. OK, that's what happened. And that's what's called the self. That's what's called need. So when working in our groups, And we've had the opportunity to explore that. Good. It's a problem for someone to get from their lives and talk through all the way and explore it all the way. And then we'll try to help keep you on track. Yeah, we'll do this in a little bit too.

[36:44]

We'll learn in the disciplines. And then, is it that wasn't awful enough? While you're crying, while you're doing it, notice how's it now, you know? Now as I talk about it, the feeling's coming back. Now as I talk about it, I'm totally neutral. At the time, it was really a big deal, and now I just talk about it like, how is that such a big deal, you know? to notice that too. Or as I talk about it, I notice my chat with Putin. Or I notice my thinking about it has changed completely. The time it happened, I felt quite usable. And now as I talk about it, I think, you know, I learned a lot from that. I'm kind of appreciative about it.

[37:47]

OK. From both, as you're recording it, and it's making it real time now. OK. Can you say we'll meet? Yes. Wait. So who's calling to the back of the car? One of us. OK. That's the name. Historically. May I just go into the back of Corpus Center and who wants to go to the dining room? Dana, Dana's group. I'm going to be taking over for Cristina today. Cristina's group. Are we combining? No. No, I'm just going to visit Cristina's group. I'm going to be a guest. But also. The following Tuesday group spreads out in the usual way, OK?

[38:55]

We'll go to the same group as we went to last time, except instead of meeting with Christina, we'll meet Christina. That group. . And then the group that meets with me will come in the same room upstairs and the other camera. And then you try to meet in ten minutes if we can. And there's water out there and we go to the bathroom. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

[39:46]

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