This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Thanks, Carolyn, for the introduction. We worked in the gardens together, Tatsahara, and I remember being very grateful when she came from here because I knew she had a lot of knowledge and skills with the garden. And I also was really impressed by her caring for the practice and the plants. Mama, I want to thank the tanto, Jeremy Levy, is that how you say last name? We don't know people's last names very much, do we? for the invitation, I know he's at Tassajara and is regretful that he can't be here.

[01:03]

Of course, since Blanche is there, I'm gonna make sure to thank her. Blanche is my teacher all these years. And then I wanna thank Lee Lip for arranging for this talk as part of San Francisco Zen Center's diversity and multiculturalism program. Last time, and the only time I was ever in this year, it was for a meeting. I think it was in 2005 when the DMC, the Diversity Multicultural Committee of Zen Center and Spirit Rocks Diversity Committee got together. I think Eileen Oba was the person who arranged for the funding and the meeting. So kind of in that spirit, of both the invitation and the last time I was here, I wanted to talk today about the practice of generosity, or dana, it's a Pali word, of course, and in particular of my experience with that when I practice overseas.

[02:13]

In fact, when we talk about dana or the practice of generosity, brings up and reflects a lot of our cultural variations. For us, in Western convert Buddhist centers, like San Francisco Zen Center, we focus on meditation, or training of the mind, or mental development as the first step. In fact, at least at City Center, when we ask people to come engage with us for the first time, we ask them to come to Zazen Instruction. Whereas in Buddhist cultures and traditional Buddhist practice settings in Asia and outside, dana is often the first teaching. So the Buddha, in his effort to teach different kinds of skillful means, which I heard is your theme for the summer.

[03:20]

So I'm going to try to fly that in as much as I can. He lists dana or giving as the first of many lists of practices, for instance. It's the first in the list of practices for lay people or sometimes called the basis of merit. And it's giving, virtue, and then mental development. It's the first in the four basis of social harmony, giving, kind speech, service, being equitable. It's the first with the six paramitas of perfections, giving, virtue, patience or tolerance, diligence, contemplation, wisdom. The first of the ten virtues of a ruler, giving, virtue, altruism, honesty, kindness, self-control, non-anger, non-violence, patience, and uprightness. And the first of the ten wholesome actions,

[04:22]

usually taught specifically to how to purify your karma. It's giving virtue, mental cultivation, humility, service, sharing merit, rejoicing in the merit of others, listening to the Dharma, teaching the Dharma, and straightening out one's views. So Gil Fransdale, in a talk on the 10 Paramitas, which is the Theravadan teaching, they have 10 instead of 6, He says that Donna and Sila are at the beginning because he said they foster a sense of well-being. So by helping us to relax, it makes it easier for the other steps to follow, such as concentration. And at East Bay Meditation Center, do people know what that is? in the East Bay, thank you.

[05:24]

So East Bay Meditation Center, actually many, many years ago, was I already practicing Zen? I think I was still practicing Vipassana, so it was over 10 years ago. A group of people met in Oakland because Spirit Rock was realizing that they needed to start an urban center. And of course, Oakland seemed like the perfect place. And so basically East Bay Meditation Center is the manifestation of that. I don't think their funding now has to do with Spirit Rock, though I don't really know. But a lot of Spirit Rock teachers, and in particular, they're very geared towards social justice. And most of the guiding teachers are people of color and are queer. and they completely are run on dana, or donation or generosity. So there, we talk about it a lot, and I often speak of it kind of jumping off of Gil Fransdale, is that it's a practice that opens the heart.

[06:36]

And a story that I heard when I did the two month at Spirit Rock in 2006, At the end, you know, so it's two months of silence. Their practice is complete silence. And except for three times a week, you could talk for 15 minutes to a teacher if you wanted to. So they always transition you back into speaking and interacting. So the last two days, we got to meet, and they're very regulated. And then one of the big events of really mingling was... for people to talk about the practices that they'd done overseas, because a lot of us at the time were really interested in going overseas to practice. And this young man, American, was saying that he had gone to actually to England to practice in a monastery in the lineage of Achan Cha, and he had studied with a lot of Thai monks there.

[07:39]

And in a conversation he had with one of those monks, The monk said, well, it seems like it's pretty hard for you Westerners to practice. Is that your experience? And he says, yeah, yeah, I'm having a hard time. And he said, well, I can totally understand because you guys approach it backwards. And so then he gave this analogy to explain. And he says, practice is like making a chair. So if you want to make a chair, a wooden chair, First, you would go to a forest. These are Thai monks, forest monks, by the way, right? So you would go to a forest. You would look for the tree that you want your chair to be. Probably a hardwood is a good idea. So you find a tree. You would have to cut it down. Then, you know, then you have to make it into planks. And then you have to cut those planks into pieces that make up a chair. Legs, seat, the back.

[08:40]

And then you would put them together with nails or joints, right? And then the last step in making a chair is to take sandpaper and smooth out the wood. And then your chair is complete. Now, meditation is like sandpapering a chair. So you guys do it backwards. In essence, what you guys do is you take your piece of sandpaper, you go into a forest, you find a tree, and you start sanding it to make a chair. So no wonder it's so hard, right? So that kind of gives a really good sense, I think, of the difference. All right. So Taigen, Dan Ling. in an introduction to skillful means, wrote, skillful means, or paya in Sanskrit, is an essential concept in Mahayana Buddhism.

[09:44]

Skillful means, sometimes translated as tactfulness, expedience, or ingenuity, is the practice of applying awakening teaching to the diverse variety of students or practitioners. Discussed in a number of Mahayana Buddhist sutras espousing the bodhisattva ideal of universal liberation, the Buddha's application of skillful means accounts for the earlier teachings of the arhat ideal of individual self-purification. The Buddha teaches skillfully in a variety of modes, recommending different practices and teachings because suffering beings have various different capacities and must be led to the path towards awakening through appropriate approaches. So from 2006 to 2007, I practiced overseas in Japan, Thailand, and Vietnam. This is after I ordained with Blanche in 2005. So today I thought I'd talk about the practices of dhana that I experienced when I was at those three places and how I came to have the understanding of skillful practices of dhana.

[10:59]

And today I'd like to frame them in three ways. One is mutuality. Second is purifying the three poisons, in particular greed. And then the third is the knowledge or the knowing of freedom. Purifying the poisons and freedom are very classic. The mutuality, I kind of made up, but I hope it works, okay? So, of course, all three of these places manifest these three qualities, but to simplify things, you know, for mutuality, I'm going to use one country and so on, but I'm not saying that the country represents this. Now, the other caveat I want to say is that Of course, this is my views and my reflections coming in to do these practices. So having lived in the United States or United States culture for almost 40 years now, I'm bringing with it my United States point of views.

[12:06]

So really, these are my reflections, not any kind of knowledge of these cultures, or how perhaps they would describe their way of practicing. So the first is mutuality. Dhanasara Bhikkhu said, the Buddha adopted dhana as the context for practicing and teaching the dhamma. But to maintain the twin principles of freedom and fruitfulness in giving, he created a culture of dhana that embodied particularly Buddhist ideals. To begin with, he defined dhana not simply as material gifts. The practice of the precepts, he said, was also a type of dhana, which he also defined as the gift of universal safety, protecting all beings from the harm of one's unskillful actions.

[13:07]

That's precepts, right? And he also said that the act of teaching the Dhamma is dhana. This meant that lavish giving was not just the prerogative of the rich. Secondly, he formulated a code of conduct to produce an attitude towards giving that would benefit both the donors and the recipients, keeping the practice of giving both fruitful and free. So these codes are best understood in terms of the six factors that the Buddha said exemplify the ideal gift. The donor, before giving, is glad. While giving, he or she, his or her mind is inspired. And after giving, is gratified. These are the three factors of the donor. The recipients are free of passion or are practicing for the subduing of passion. Free of aversion or practicing for the subduing of aversion.

[14:12]

And free of delusion or practicing for the subduing of delusion. These are the three factors of the recipients. So then, Dhanasara Bhikkhu said, Although this passage seems to suggest that each side is responsible only for the factors on its side, the Buddha's larger etiquette for generosity shows that the responsibility for all six factors, and in particular the three factors of the donor, is shared. And this shared responsibility flourishes best in an atmosphere of mutual trust. I'm going to use Thailand as an example. So I went to Thailand in July of 2006 and stayed for six weeks. So I actually went to Japan first to do an on-go with Sakahirata Roshi. And I had been back to Vietnam five years before that.

[15:15]

And so I thought, oh, since I'm in Asia, I might as well go to Vietnam. But... all the pieces to make the trip work to go to the, do the on go happen right at the end because I was in the two month at spirit box. So I wasn't sure I could get a visa to go to Vietnam. So I had to buy my ticket in like a day after I came out of the two month. So I just bought some time in Thailand because that's the best place to get a visa. Right. So, and I thought, Oh, six weeks, you know, I'll go back and do some Theravon practice, you know? So, I did go to three wats, three temples, and in one of them I met an arhat in Thailand. His name is Lung Pu. Lung Pu means like our Roshi, right, old master, or uncle, great uncle, Punalit. And he was 92 at the time and was considered one of the top eight arhats of Thailand.

[16:17]

He's so famous that when I was studying with him, Thai Airlines sent him gold tickets, too, because he always had his attendant, of course, a male attendant, to fly anywhere he wanted at any time. So I just had gone to this one lot because I heard that the teacher spoke English. And in fact, he spoke French, German, also Thai, of course. So that's why I went. And it was myself, two lay women from Germany, a monk from Ireland, these are Therabont monks and nuns, and then two nuns, one was from Romania and one was from Germany. Those were the foreigners, and then there were like 30 Thai people. And you know, we sat two periods a day, three hours each. And he would mostly actually spoken Thai. We'd just sit and then occasionally he'd say something.

[17:19]

And I had like one conversation with him. It wasn't anything really, you know. So it was five days. And then on the way back, all the foreigners were in a van together. And these two nuns had practiced with him before. And they had been Thai nuns for like 13, 14 years and fully ordained. Well, as they can be in Thailand as nuns. And one was actually had come back from India to practice with him for the retreat. So on the way back to Bangkok, they wanted to stop at his place. So he's a true force monk in the sense that while he's very famous, he doesn't have a temple where people come to practice with him. There are places that he tended to go. Because they had like a route. Except doing a rain retreat, you don't travel. So then you have to be at a place. And he had a very rich Thai woman who was his benefactor for the rain retreat.

[18:24]

So he had a cabin about this size. Nice cabin because he's famous, right? But it had also space outside for visitors. And people would come and give him food and money. every day. I only ate two meals a day. And, you know, there at first it was really difficult for me. Oh, so I'm sorry. So on the way back, we stopped to see his place. And the two lay women and I were going back to Bangkok to look for a place to stay, you know, some hostel or something. And we didn't have a place, whereas the nuns had, you know, temples to go to. So then they come back, the nuns, because they spoke Thai, and they were like, he has a sala, which is like a side kuti, right? So you guys should just stay there. We'll go ask him for you. And we're like, oh, okay. So she asked him, and then he was like, sure. And we were the first women to be able to stay with him.

[19:26]

It was really wild. You know, this is all like, you know, you could say it's my karma, you know, because it wasn't planned at all, right? So we ended up there. And I stayed for the full time I was there, you know, because I just kept wanting to practice when the lay women stay for two weeks and then they left. So in the five weeks I was there, I got to witness a lot of devotional practice, which was really kind of difficult for me at first with my Western perspective. And by that, I mean, have any of you been practicing in Thailand or been to Thailand before? Yes, so, and did you go to temples? Yeah, so, you know, in Thai, everyone knows people do the Y, which is, you know, the boundaries called Y, Thai. And that's very common, but also to show reverence, you would literally, like, you know, this is an arhat. Like, let's say Blanche is a very senior teacher. If we were going to come and visit Blanche, we would literally be, we wouldn't have to be lower than Blanche.

[20:30]

We would never be higher than Blanche. If Blanche was sitting down, I would never... come up to her and be higher than her. I would always have to be lower than her. So literally, you would crawl. You see these pictures for the king and queen, how people crawl, and that's the way of showing reverence as part of the culture. So imagine for us Westerners, of course we can do our nine bows for a ceremony or something, but to really do that for a person repeatedly, it was difficult for me at first. And then also because he was so famous, like on the weekend, hundreds of people would come and bring food and really rich people would come and bring money and these expensive gifts because in Thailand as a culture, it's really important to build merit. And the Thai word is boon. So merit accumulation is really important. So initially my idea was that

[21:31]

You know, it was like buying, you know, merit, right? So I had a hard time, but after being there for five weeks, there were people. Yes, you had the people who came with a lot of riches, but the majority of the people came to practice, came every day. This one woman took the bus for an hour from her little village into the place. to bring him food, and then she'd take the bus for an hour to go to work, and then she'd make it, we sat for two times, right, from 3 to 6 p.m., and then from 9 to 12, and she would make it back for both periods later, right? So, very devoted. And so, for me, what I really got out of it, and being in a truly, buddhist culture where the um like people would ask me why are you here because i didn't speak thai uh it was still my first year of ordination so i had my head shaved so i looked like a nun but you know how we don't have to wear these if we don't want to or can't afford it so i had you know blanche and i had negotiated you know we i could wear black white and gray but i had just gotten

[22:56]

blue navy blue shoes so i negotiated navy blue so i could wear navy blue right so those are the because you know i had those colors but some of them were patterns you know i didn't go for solid so they could kind of look at me and go are you a nun or not and and but they would ask nicely and i would say i'm oh i'm here to meditate you know and i've been meditating in japan and they would go oh You are so lucky. Your boon, your merit, has accumulated to such an extent that you can do this. And it was just really the sense of like, and not from like, you know, I'm jealous, but it's just more like, oh. And they would come also on every quarter moon to sit even longer with him, you know, lay people. So what I really got from that was that giving was not so much about a donation or even a certain sense of, or dana is not so much a sense of giving.

[24:01]

Generosity is not so much about giving, but as an expression to show appreciation, you know, that these people are accumulating or practicing in a way in which is for the benefit of us all. Does that make sense? It was really sweet to have, you know, at first when you think devotion here, you're like, you know, but it was really very much from the heart. So for me, it really showed about the mutuality of sharing the Dharma and the supporting of the ability to be able to share the Dharma. Okay. So the second aspect would be the purifying of the three poisons. So Dhanas often talked about as the antidote to greed.

[25:01]

Kosho Uchiyama Roshi said, to recognize true Zazen, we have to look at our practice from an absolute perspective. If you're caught up in one of the limited kinds of Zen of the six realms, you can no longer see the essential point of Buddha Dharma. And what is that? As I said before, Buddhism teaches impermanence and the quality of non-ego. Letting go and opening the hand of thought is the foundation of Zen based on the Buddha Dharma. The saying, gaining is delusion, losing is enlightenment, has very practical value. In our ordinary human life, we are always trying to fulfill our desires. We're satisfied only when our desires are met. In Buddhism, though, it's just the opposite. It is important for us to leave our desire alone without trying to fulfill them.

[26:05]

If we push this one step further, gaining is delusion, losing is enlightenment. We're talking about active participation in loss. Let me be clear that I am not saying losing is important, so go help people out by collecting what you can from them. That just makes you the someone who gains. Rather, applying this saying just to yourself and give something up. For breaking the ego's grip, nothing is more effective than giving something up. So in Japan, I was at Hoshinji, that's my name, Jiryu here, is he around anyway? He was practicing next door, not in the same time, but in Bokoko-ji, so they were next to each other. Different schools though. So it's 90 miles, it's in Obama, Japan, 90 miles northeast, I believe, of Kyoto.

[27:12]

So there we did Takuhatsu. People know what that is, right? It's the Japanese alms round. So in Japan, Takuhatsu is there at Hoshinji is still very much a practice. They do it about three times a month on a regular basis and then they have a whole practice period. which is six weeks, I believe, in January, and snow, where they go every day. And you have to, well, my first experience of it, so first let me talk about it. Very few places in Japan does it as a temple practice, but you can still see monks, individual, and small groups go about. the country or in Kyoto or something to do to do it or Tokyo so you have to so I went there right and I had to sit Tongario and I only had to sit Tongario for a day and a half I was totally surprised and I went in April it was freezing cold and I hadn't had snow I had snow the week before it wasn't snow when I was there it was freezing cold and

[28:36]

After a day and a half, they was like, okay, you're coming with us to Takahatsu. And I was like, okay, so you wear your koromo, right? And you have to hitch it up so that it comes to this length. And you have to hitch up your kimono so it comes to this length. So you have two different cloth belts that you have to use, the gray for the gray and the brown for the black. And then you have very specific glove-like things that you have to wear to put on that have these clips. And same thing with shoes, kind of like spats. Spats, I think that's what you call them, right? And then you have sandals that you make yourself. I had a pair that first time, but then I had to make my own. It used to be out of, you know, hemp or some kind of string like that, but now it's plastic string, you know. And then you wear your tabis.

[29:40]

And then you wear the hat that you see for traveling monks, right? And then you have this bag that's very specific that has the temple's name on it. Then you take your buddha bow, your actual eating buddha bow, not one for takas, but your very own, and your wiping cloth. And you fold your wiping cloth in half, and you put it in the lac... It has to be a lacquer set, black set in Japan. You don't get to bring your American set, right? So you put that in there, and that's to help it from getting chipped, the wiping cloth. So you carry it, three fingers, and then you have a bell, and you ring it. And you go in a roll, and the person in front has the stick, you know, like chisel has, you know... And you go and you yell a ho, which means dharma. And people come out in Japan, they give you one yen at the time. I don't know what they would give you now, a coin.

[30:42]

One time we did get radishes, but for the most part, you get coins. And then at a certain point, you know, you dump it. And it took about three hours. And there's very specific routes, and different days you go different routes. So... You know, so I had gone again from Japan. It was from my two month at Spirit Rock. So then I flew in Japan. Blanche did arrange for me to stay two days with Kensho. What's his last name, Blanche? Mr. Kensho? Who practiced at Tassahara for a while. Anyway, he was very nice. I stayed at his family temple for... Miyamaya. Miyamaya. for two days, and the reason for that was I had to buy, here at the time we couldn't buy besus, the one without the toe. So I had to buy those, I had to buy the belts. They didn't make me buy the basket, because I had to come in that outfit to ask to enter the temple.

[31:49]

And actually, as an aside, I had made, I had my one, Rakasu, my regular black one. And then Maya had a very nice, you know, the rain stitch one when she was there. I think the first time I saw it was at Thanksgiving, Maya. And I was like, oh, what is that? And she's like, this is my fancy, you know, Rakasu. And so soon after that I'd gone up and I said, can I please sew one, right? So I had this beautiful black one with green. And before I went to Japan, you know, do you guys know Daigaku Rune? He was great. He was the one, you know, I met him at Tassahara, and he was like, you should come practice with my master. And then I was like, eh. And then, you know, he kept saying, you should come practice with my master. And finally I said, okay. Because I thought, you know, I should go see what the tradition is like. That's how I ended up going there. So he helped a lot with the setting it up.

[32:52]

And he, I had... Just made that, literally, so it was still blank, right, on the back. And I said, well, Kaikaku, do you think I can take this, you know? Then, you know, he could maybe calligraph on the back for me. And he goes, oh yeah, no problem. So, you know, when I arrived in the Jikido to be asked to enter, I stood there for like, you know, I think it was Fuso-san, the director, came to out. And I'm all by myself. Basically, Kensho bought me the stuff, helped me buy the stuff, helped me get into the outfit, drove me there, then pushed me through the gate, right? Because he's not allowed to come with me. And then I'm standing there, and Fuso-san comes out, and he asks me, I can't remember the questions, but he asks me, and then he goes away to talk to the abbot. The abbot does not come out to talk to you, right? So then he'd come back out, and I sat for like an hour.

[33:55]

And after a while I was like, uh-oh, I wonder what is wrong. Hey Connie, what is wrong, you know? So finally he comes out, he says, with another guy who translated, and he said, you can come in, but you must buy another rakasu because yours is too fancy. And so then I had to buy this one because everyone has to have this same. You cannot be different. And when I left, he did calligraph, and he puts the same thing that he puts on everyone else, which I'm grateful for. It's, excuse my bad Japanese, which means just making effort. So anyways, an aside. So in terms of going to Takahatsu, so it's my like fourth day in Japan, right? And remember, I'd been in a two-month silent retreat. So I'm just putting that as in I'm like been secluded.

[34:57]

Very nice, that's very off, but secluded. And then I was in a temple for two days, but busy place in Kyoto, I think, somewhere busy. And I, you know, I'd just come out at two months, so I was not into sightseeing those two days. I was just there to get ready to go. So when I went out on this Takahatsu, And Obama's a small fishing village mackerel. They raised a big fish mackerel. So the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. And those hats, you're supposed to wear them to here. They naturally come down to here. And you're not supposed, you're just supposed to look down, ring your bell, you know, say ho, and... regression and then when someone gives you money you bow and then you say ho right or maybe I said ho first I can't remember right now so but I was like looking at all the cherry blossom because they were everywhere do you know and I could smell the fish and this is like my first time you know out of there and I'm sure it was also the stress of you know um sitting and stuff but I was just like

[36:13]

And then the Eno, who acted like a Tonto, would come and very gently just put my head down and fix my hat. You know, and also it's always very nice because I swear I was the only person where my tabby things would, I mean, my spat things would come down. You know, my kimono would start to slide and they would run back every once in a while and help me like hitch it up. So for me, it was just a really good practice because the forms of takahatsu supports being present and aware of the interaction of the giver and the receiver. Right? It's actually a ritual that represents our roles as monastics offering the Dharma. So I was not there. sightseeing. So I had to give up my greed for sightseeing and my desire and just kept coming back to honoring and acknowledging the giver and the receiver and the gift.

[37:28]

So the last is knowing freedom. Dogen said in the four Integrative Methods of the Bodhisattva. When one learns giving well, being born and dying are both giving. All productive labor is fundamentally giving. Entrusting flowers to the wind, birds to the season, also must be meritorious acts of giving. He further states, great giving is It's not only a matter of exerting physical effort. One should not miss the right opportunity. One should not calculate the greatness or smallness of the mind, nor the greatness or smallness of the thing. Nevertheless, there is a time when the mind transforms things, and there is giving in which things transform the mind.

[38:30]

So I'm going to talk about when I was in Vietnam. I went to Vietnam to originally just to go back to Vietnam for the second time. I'm originally from Vietnam for those who don't know me. And the first time I'd gone back was after 28 years of being away. And so I actually had gone back to move back. But after five months had found out that You really can't go home again. And that, in fact, it wasn't home. And that America is my home. And so when I was going to Japan, which was five years after that, I thought, I want to go back again because I want to see what it would be like now that I didn't have those kind of expectations. And the first time I was in Vietnam, I had taught English, and I had taught English. had a lot of students that had formed relationships with them. They were always like, when are you gonna come back? When are you gonna come back?

[39:33]

So I went back mainly for those reasons and to visit family. And so my friend Ryan and my friend Bang and Jin had told me about a Zen practice place, northeast Ryan, of Saigon in Dalat, which actually happens to be the hometown of my parents. Dallat, for those who don't know, is up in the mountains of Vietnam. I've never been so cold in Asia. And it's when the French had colonized Vietnam, it was considered the Riviera of Vietnam, right? So, because it's cool there. And so, it's very beautiful, there are lakes. So I went there, and it's a Vietnamese zen lineage called Chuk Lam, which means bamboo forest. And similar to Tasara, maybe here, you could go be a guest student for five days, you know. So I plan to go for five days there.

[40:34]

Like many traditional Buddhist practice places, the monks and nuns are separate. There's the nunnery and the monastery, and the master lived in the middle. The master is, excuse my bad Vietnamese, and he's the foremost known Zen. in Vietnam at the current time. And they were very poor when they started, but now they're quite well supported. He has about 19 places in Vietnam and the same outside of Vietnam. He has one in Sacramento. So there, when I went there for five days, I ended up saying six months. So I went and I would go meditate, and the first thing, they meditate three times a day for two hours straight. And when you come out of that first morning meditation, there's soji, it's very zen, and then there's breakfast, and then the silence is broken, like us, and the first thing that everyone would say to you, it's not good morning, but they would say,

[41:51]

how was your meditation? And then they would say, do you know that you have Buddha nature? And in fact, when I first met the abbess and the vice abbess, their first question was, do you know you have Buddha nature? And I said, yes. And I said, but I know I have it, but I'm not sure. that I have it. You know, like I don't know when I have it. Yes, I know I should know that I have it, but I don't know necessarily always that I have it. So that's just to give you a sense of their practice. And by the way, they practice year-round the same schedule. They get up at... Technically, I think we get up at 3.15, but we all got up at 3 to drink some tea. And then we sat for two hours and this thing. And then in the afternoon, there is a nap. But then you sit for two more hours or you study or you work.

[42:55]

And then you sit two more hours at night. Every day. No four, nine days. Just every day. So I worked mostly with this one teacher, Sako. And she translated his work. into English and I edited. And I worked every day with her. And here's a story which I think helps to, it helped me have a sense of freedom. So there they, you can't own anything of your own. For instance, if your family came to visit you, there's a story, this person's family came to visit her. and brought her laughing cow cheese. Do you guys know what laughing cow cheese is? It's the cheese in the round box with the cow with the earring. It's laughing. It's a processed cheese from France. It comes from the colonizing of the France.

[43:56]

So it's very big in Vietnam. Her family had brought her some as a treat. And technically when you receive anything or when you go to donate anything, you have to give it to the storage nun because You can't have anything of your own that is just yours. You are given, they have two bowls of their own and a fork and chopsticks and a spoon. But just to wash every day, like so someone else doesn't empty your dishes, you know, and then like I was given two sets of clothing and then one set of the robe that you wore to meditate in and then one set of the robes that you wore to go meet the master or to a ceremony or something. And then everyone had their okesas, of course. So I had just come from Japan, and at the time I had been practicing tea, right, like with Meiya, and so I was a tea snob, right?

[44:59]

So I had just come from Japan and had some really good sencha, do you know? I would have my cup, and there's a foreigner's house, a guest house for foreigners. So we were allowed, obviously, to have their own thing, because they're not going to say, give us all your things when you come in, right? So I had my tea. So every morning I would have it, but when I go to work with her, I would share it with her. It's a nice thing to do. And, you know, at first she'd be like, I cannot receive it. And I'd be like, come on, it's just tea. So, you know, she relented and tasted it, and so it became like our little ritual, right? And it became a big part of our ritual. And so the other thing that developed, though, is, oh, you never go out, because it's like practice spirit all the time. But I developed a parasite. So I had to go see a doctor. And for a while, every week, I would have to go out. So again, on part of my management of my symptoms, so the parasite produces an acid that hurts your stomach.

[46:06]

And so I was supposed to eat eight meals a day. You know, they only eat two meals a day, right? So I was supposed to eat eight little meals a day, and I was like, I am not gonna eat eight, but I ate like four or five. So I would have little laughing cow cheese and crackers, like two every few hours. So I would have to go to the market every time I went out, because I only got a little box to keep my things in, no refrigeration, of course. So I would say to her, Whenever I was going to go to the doctor in the market, can I get you anything? And she would say, I don't need anything, just the Dharma. And I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you want me to get you anything? And she would say, no, I don't need anything, just the Dharma. And after enough time, I could really see that she was really sincere. Now, this woman had been a nun. for at that time, 27 years. She wanted to be a nun when she was 16, but her father said no until, so when 22, she became a nun.

[47:08]

Some people became a nun when they were like 10, right? But she was the fourth-ranked nun. She was a teacher. They're out of a, well, it was 120 when I first got there. They were in a rain retreat, but 100 nuns, right? So she's quite senior and very well-practiced. This one time, you know, one of the beginning times, I did say to her, I said, okay, you know, I get it. You don't need the Dharma. But really, do you want some black tea? Because she had some black tea that she shared with me, right? And I said, do you want black tea or do you want green tea? Please tell me which one do you want, right? Because I want to get you something. And she was like, I do not need anything. I only need the Dharma. And I found myself getting really upset. You know, and for two days, I would come in every day to work with her, but I was very polite, which was my way of being like, I'm upset, but I'm not going to talk about it.

[48:15]

And probably, because I was sitting many hours a day for many days, but at some point, I realized that Because she never changed, mind you. Her mood was constant. Very cheerful, very loving, very kind to everybody, right? And after a while, I could get that what made me so angry, you know, because the story that was going on in my head was, you know, I get it. You're practicing. You're a great nun. but be a fucking human being, you know? Be a human being and, you know, don't pull this practice stuff on me. You know, that's a story that was going on in my head, right? So after a while, what I got was that, and it took about two days, that what I was so mad about was that I had a whole story in my head, and it went like this.

[49:21]

I would go to the market, I would find the best tea stall in the market, I would get the best tea, and then I would bring it back, make a cup for her, and I'd bring it in the next morning, and she would sip it and go, ah, this is the best tea I've ever had. And then I could feel, ah, she knows that I, care about her and appreciate her and want to give her something so good. And then I could get it that the part that I really missed was that I didn't get to be the person I thought I was. Generous, giving, giving something to someone that they really want and need. You know, someone who obviously was in need, you know? in my mind, right?

[50:24]

I didn't hear that for her, she really didn't need anything. So it was about me. See? So in that moment, then the story went away, and I got some ease. Maybe you could call it freedom, but I could really see that the catch was that I didn't get to be somebody I... thought I could be. It was a nice story, right? A really nice story. Everybody got to be a nice person, but mostly it was not the nice me I thought I could play out in real life as opposed to just in my head. So, you know, she did come to me and say, you know, because I shared that story with her. And she said, you know, in the beginning, I too had a lot of preferences.

[51:27]

But my master said to me, that will only cause you suffering. So you practice just not having preferences. Just let go of your preferences. To me, you know, this person is so well practiced. She does not make any plans for the future. None at all. If you say, in an hour, what will you do? She'll say, causes and conditions will happen. And not like, causes and conditions will happen. Not from a hoity-toity. Just really fully trusting causes and conditions. Which doesn't mean she might not have some sense of, oh, I might have wanted that or that. But she didn't suffer if it didn't happen the way she thought it would. from the Diamond Sutra. Furthermore, Sabuti, in respect to things, a bodhisattva should practice giving without dwelling anywhere, not forms, sounds, smell, taste, or any concept.

[52:38]

Why? Because a bodhisattva who gives without dwelling in any concept cannot be calculated. So I've related some experiences of how I saw Donna giving generosity and maybe some lessons I learned. Mostly I'm grateful and honored to have witnessed and been part of these practices and see or have been the recipients of these practices. In the same essay on skillful means, Taigen Lehm, later writes, I think this ties in for me well, the topics that I hope to share today, which is Donna, skillful means, and cultural awareness. The idea of many teachings and practices apply skillfully to the single aim of spiritual awakening is an appealing approach for a modern Western understanding of the sometimes confusing abundance of Buddhist schools.

[53:47]

Moreover, skillful means might be a way of respecting the pluralism of all religious traditions in our contemporary global interconnectedness. All traditions may be equally respected for the value of their teachings as they apply to different people's particulars approaches to ultimate religious truth and to primary principles such as kindness and compassion. The practice of skillful means reminds us to listen to others respectfully, honor our differences, and recognize that others may have different needs and benefit from different teachings and practices. Following the model of the bodhisattva of compassion, we must not self-righteously cling to any particular method We can learn various useful approaches, and as we learn to trust and respond with whatever is at hand, our skillfulness can develop.

[54:52]

So in the end, we of course know there is no giver, receiver, or gift. It's the quality of generosity which is what is all pervasive. We practice to cultivate our knowledge of and to uncover the qualities of the inherent goodness and openness of the heart and mind. As Suzuki Roshi said in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind in the chapter entitled God-Giving, every existence in nature, every existence in the human world, every culture work that we create is something which was given or is being given to us, relatively speaking. But as everything is originally one, we are in actuality giving out of everything. Moment after moment, we are creating something, and this is the joy of our life.

[55:57]

Thank you for your attention. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[56:29]

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