At that point, most kids turn back, you know, and it's rather scary to go out this way. And it's that last little bit in practice which most of you turn back on. Now, our practice has three phases, the same as the three refuges, Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. But the surface of our practice looks almost completely like Sangha. Now, while some Buddhist schools, it looks almost completely like Buddha, and some it looks almost completely like Dharma, some schools emphasize mainly teaching. And some schools emphasize mainly the relationship between student and teacher, and student and

[01:14]

Buddha. And the Zen school emphasizes where the surface form is mainly Sangha. But actually, the practice is all three things, but we want to say as little as possible about practice, so we choose one thing to emphasize. So in this case, we choose Sangha. So many of you see the practice, you know. Maybe you see the slide and you start up the slide. But then when you find that suddenly the slide goes up steeper or something, you stop.

[02:21]

When you find, for instance, that what actually a commitment to practice is, you know, sometimes we start practicing Buddhism and we do it, but we ourselves don't know we're doing it and we don't notice it. So that other people notice, oh, so-and-so is now practicing Buddhism. He's doing everything. He goes to the Zendo and he does all the things that look like practice. But at the moment, you have to be very careful, because at the moment, Suzuki Roshi had to be very careful and I have to be very careful, because at the moment you offer the person an actual chance to practice, they leave Zen Center immediately.

[03:24]

It's really funny, actually. In other words, when they notice, what am I getting myself into, you know, or something like that, they split right away. They let go and go down the slide, out into the sunshine. And the problem is the various levels of commitment. We think we're making a commitment, you know, to practice. And of course, in your sitting, you have to have some kind of commitment, some kind of resolve to sit through the sesshin no matter what happens, you know. Without that kind of resolve, it's impossible. In fact, you know, in the Pali Canon they talk about, don't discriminate postures, and

[04:36]

what they mean in this case is, don't say, well, I'm going to wait for Zazen to solve this problem. If fear arises when you're walking, you confront the fear when you're walking. If it arises when you're working, you confront it when you're working. Whatever posture you're in, you can practice. But generally we have an idea of other, which is very pervasive, that there's something other than this world or something other than right now, so later I'll confront this in Zazen or something, or let's make practice harder so that I can confront it then. But as I said, you know, if it arises, maybe I should leave the party, that you consider

[05:36]

it at that time rather than think about it. If some difficulty arises, now you consider it, you know. So, you have to have a resolve to practice, you know, now, right now, whether it's in session or everyday activity. So that commitment makes your, that commitment without a sense of other, without a sense of alternative, makes your practice work. Without any other school or choice or anything, just this.

[06:37]

It doesn't mean this is right or wrong, it just means you've decided in this lifetime this is the practice you're going to practice. You don't even consider right or wrong. There's some magic here actually, some mystery why it's like this. But we think we're doing that, you know, and we start up the slide and we make some several years maybe we're practicing Buddhism, and you think you're making a commitment, at least you're going through all the motions, you know, and then someone else acknowledges your commitment, because the commitment has to be shared.

[07:41]

So at the moment it's acknowledged though, you notice, maybe for the first time you notice, though other people have noticed, you notice that there's no alternative. And the fact that there's no alternative is, you know, too much for you, and you stop and very quickly you go down the slide. It would be wonderful actually to, such a nice day today, to go out into the sunshine. But even if you do, you know that actually the sunshine and a nice day don't distract

[08:59]

you for very long. So pretty soon you feel rather discomforted again and not knowing what to do. It's until you have your own light, even the sunshine is not satisfying. Our idea is not to say anything about what reality is. In fact, most of Buddhist thinking specifically is about how you can't say anything about

[10:08]

what reality is. But our practice here is to bring each other to the point where we're open, ready for whatever it is, life is, reality is. So anyway, the Zen patriarchs devised this strange thing called a sesshin to help you get to that point. Something so uncomfortable must be a good practice if we still do it, you know. If it wasn't pretty good, people would have abandoned it a long time ago.

[11:11]

You know, today we had a rather tasty soup and a rather bland, I don't know what it was, grain of some kind, rather neutral tasting. And I don't know what each of your experience of eating the food is, but usually after you've been doing zazen for a while, to eat food like that is, I don't know how to describe it exactly, but your mouth enjoys the tasty soup and your mouth finds the other rather

[12:24]

dry and maybe you like it, I don't know, it's rather dry. But you're not involved, oh I don't like this taste or I do like it. You're just eating and practice doesn't mean the bland stuff should taste wonderful and the wonderful stuff should taste neutral, you know, that's not practice. Actually the tasty thing tastes tasty and the bland thing tastes bland, but we're not involved in it. Do you understand the difference? There's just, as I said yesterday, breathing is breathing, so tasting is tasting, there's just tasting, eating the ... So when you have painful zazen there's painful zazen, but we're

[13:36]

not involved and when you feel that, painful zazen isn't painful. I mean, you know, it's painful, it sure hurts, but it's of the same nature of a tasty soup or a neutral grain. And actually if you have a neutral grain, you know, and you even don't put any salt on it, some of you make everything taste like salt because it's not ... because it's quite neutral, you decide it should be salty. So it makes me laugh when we eat because we're supposed to have this bland diet and actually the main course is always salt. Anyway, if you eat the main course without salt and you chew it carefully, there is

[14:39]

salt there, you can taste something good there. I don't mean you have to make some effort to, but you just chew it without thinking, you know, about it, and actually your mouth gets rather involved. And while you're eating your breathing is going, you know, of course it didn't forget to breathe. And your breathing is ... because your breathing is so independent, it's rather joyous actually. And the more you feel this way, the more tasting itself is ... I hate to say it, maybe, but joyous, you know, tasting itself feels very good, no matter what the taste is, just

[15:40]

tasting all, and you're eating or breathing. In this there's just tasting and tasting and breathing and breathing, but no you who's doing the tasting or doing the breathing. Just painful zazen or concentrated zazen. Then, when some greater commitment comes, it's just, you know, oh, so that's what I have to do, you know. You're not involved in some way, it's just you making the commitment, that's all, giving up your whole life.

[16:42]

Maybe you want to do something else with your life, you should do that then. I'm not trying to encourage you to stay here, you know. In fact, maybe I'm trying to discourage you. Tsukireshi used to say, I remember he gave a whole bunch of lectures once about you couldn't come in the door, and if you came in the door you'd have to go out the window, and if you came in the window you'd have to go out the other window. And he regularly used to tell me to leave. It doesn't make any sense to stay here if you expect something, because there's, you

[18:07]

know, nothing can come of this practice. If you, I mean that in many ways, and certainly we can't know what reality is if we expect anything. So, you know, I've talked several times about the story or koan about the door, the one who, if you've entered the door you don't understand or something like that.

[19:11]

It's the end of the story. We want to just be available for everything. So we want to get rid of the you which breathes, you know, just breathing. We want the realm you live in which isn't past, present or future. You can't call it present even. It's a realm which includes past, present and future. It extends out from you infinitely. But you can't be in that realm as long as you have some idea about wanting to do something.

[20:22]

Suzuki Roshi used to say we had to be like a baby in the lap of its mother. Past, present and future have no signs. We say to another phrase related to that but having to do with causation is cause seals cause or sometimes cause seals effect. And this is in your activity. You should do each thing completely and let it go.

[21:29]

The more you can do that, the more you can just have tasting, tasting and breathing, the more the actual world opens up to you, not the world you think. And we don't say what that world is. You know, it probably includes every description anybody has made. We don't in Buddhism make descriptions of it. We only try to make you ready for what you find. And though this practice seems pointless sometimes and painful and boring and full of rules, it's a shortcut to being ready for everything.

[22:34]

Satsang with Mooji Satsang with Mooji Satsang with Mooji Be conscious, not only just of your breathing but of your whole body, inside and out. You can't do that all at once but you can bring your awareness to your knees and feet and stomach, lungs and scalp.

[24:33]

Little by little you can become more acquainted with your whole body. Inside and out. Just what is it. You are it but generally we're so cut off from it as if we can see our hands but we don't, aren't able to be actually what we are with awareness. And that also requires relaxing. So even though you sit straight, you can't actually relax if you relax everywhere at once. You sit straight with your back still straight. But inside you feel relaxed in your legs and shoulders, just a settling down.

[25:37]

So your backbone and energy is lifting up maybe but there's a feeling of all the rest of you just settling. Inside you feel relaxed. You'll find many areas in which you're tight etc. but those slowly come loose as your practice goes. And everything that goes with those things that's tight comes loose too. So we don't generally poke at the particular tight place, you know. Because we want it all to come loose at once, you know. Everything that goes with the thing that's tight, the mental and other sides to the tightness. So we begin to see that as we can sit still and straight and relax. So there's no beginning and end to a period of zazen or a moment.

[27:01]

There's no beginning or end. And even if you, say, have done something that you feel uncomfortable about, like say you've maybe changed your position and you wish you hadn't changed your position, even in the midst of that you should have calmness of mind. If you only have calmness of mind when your practice is perfect, you'll never have real calmness of mind. So if you just gave up and you changed your posture and you feel distracted, you know, in the midst of that distraction you should have calmness of mind. Finding that calmness of mind is the same as in any situation.

[28:03]

It's like don't discriminate postures, don't discriminate your situation. Not just when your posture is quite good and your breathing is quite steady. At that time we often notice, ah, my zazen is pretty good, you know. As soon as you notice that, you've noticed your zazen gets worse. So how do you keep from noticing that, you know? Now my zazen is pretty good. As soon as you get involved in congratulating yourself, you blow the whole thing, you know. But even in the midst of that you should have your calmness of mind.

[29:04]

I just blew the whole thing, you know. That's a very tricky point actually, because it's almost impossible not to congratulate ourselves. Yesterday we were talking about giving and the same is true there.

[30:18]

As soon as there's a you giving, the giving is not so clear. As soon as you are trying to do something in the giving, trying to think about how to give, then, you know, it's not really giving. Do you have any questions? Yeah? What is actual practice? Actual practice? You said as soon as Suzuki Roshi or you would give, that often some of the actual practice is quit. And I was wondering what is actual practice? Why do you wonder? I don't mean any specific thing, you know.

[31:26]

I'm sorry, it was a curious, it arouses curiosity, you know. But that kind of curiosity interferes with practice. Practice is something mysterious and you actually can't say what it is, you know. We practice, you know, and we begin to feel some space around us and some bond. And we can't stop at that point and say, ah, I notice a bond or I notice my practice. You blow the whole thing the minute you do that, you know. So, at that point people, you know, go back down the slide. It's very hard to give up. I know, it's true.

[32:28]

It's almost impossible. It's very tricky. It's very tricky, it's true. That's why this practice is so confusing and difficult. I mean, it looks very simple and it's quite simple. But it's the opposite of the way our mind usually works. So, until you get some ability to let all the barriers in your mind go, you can't really be open to what our life is, actually. Excuse me for confusing you.

[33:32]

Now...

[33:38]

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