This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Thank you for coming out on this last day of a very intense rich and challenging year, and could there possibly be a better place to be this morning? And feel, so feel the, please feel the full effort of your intention and decision to be here this morning in this place of refuge and restoration, renewal. in the ancient Roman world.

[01:05]

This is the day when altars are prepared, the old year is assessed, and the new year is welcomed. Throughout Japan, shrines set up with pine for strength and bamboo for flexibility, guardians of the gate. and flexibility. And in the Roman world, one of the most ancient primordial guardian is Janus, the god of doors. And this is Janus, January. Janus, the god of doors. So ancient, he has no paternal or maternal heritage, born from primordial commitment to stand at the threshold and look both ways.

[02:09]

The God of doors looks both ways. So two-faced. When you say someone is two-faced, that can be a deep compliment if we think, no, deeply, if we think about this day and what it means to be together today, where we look back at this life we've created and participated in so fully, and we look ahead to the unknown. The past is unknown, as is the future. We face both ways, the god of doors. Beautiful etymology. I am a gardener, but I love the roots of words. So, Janus, three meanings. Chaos is one of them. Looking both ways, being in the threshold, at the edge, at the live edge, is chaotic. It's primordial, without source.

[03:12]

And strong. So chaos is one of the first meanings of this name, Janus. Also shining, bright as sun and silver and deep as moon. And last of all, showing the way. Yana, the word yana comes from January. Yana, pass or vehicle. Mahayana. So yana from January. Janus, being willing to stand in the doorway. So please feel that intention this morning as we unfold the teachings. And these extraordinary days from the winter solstice until the 6th of January when Green Gulch dives deep down into the January intensive, the threshold intensive, facing both ways.

[04:17]

Dharma in the world and of the world and deep Dharma coming from sitting down intensely and focusing on the heart and mind together in the present moment. So from January 6th, until the 28th of January. Intensive practice here at Green Gulch. And I hope you'll feel that intensity because it's not at all shut-off intensity. It's a welcoming fierceness. Now, these are times when to sit still and hold your heart and mind right up in front of the doorway. It is radical work. So this is an extraordinary time. year from the winter solstice all the way through the 28th of January and then the end of the month the end of the month marking beginning of a season of non-violence every year we note that from January 30th when Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated in his garden in India until the 4th of April when Dr. Martin Luther King also his life was taken in Memphis

[05:33]

during those times from the 30th of January, right at the end of the January intensive, until the waking up of spring, a season of nonviolence. So, settle yourself on yourself, as Katagiri Roshi used to love to say, settle yourself now on yourself. These are days, in a way they are as much and fully days of awe as... as the ones right at the beginning of the new year and the fall. Throughout our life, there are days of awe. And these are such days. Days, dark days, and days of restoration and compensation and clarity. So how wonderful to be together this morning. And tonight, you have to come back or stay all day and hide in the garden or go to the ocean and listen to the roar of the highest, the king tides, the high, high tides of the year, the low, low, low drawdown of the tides, tomorrow, full moon, first day of the new year, full moon, super moon, tides below one and a half feet, negative one and a half feet, pulled back, the lips of the ocean pulled back, show the ground of being, and then the flood tides.

[06:58]

So you can hide at the beach and then come back and join us at 8 o'clock tonight and sit all night. Who needs anything else to know the mind, shape the mind, and free the mind by not turning away? You truly are invited to come tonight. For, let's see, my name is Wendy Johnson, for those of you that don't know me or haven't practiced with me. I've lived at Zen Center, Gringold's Farm Zen Center, from 1975 until the year 2000, fully, deeply, chaotically, facing many different ways at once, raising wild and rambunctious children. Our son is 40 years old. I honor him this morning, fire captain in Marin City,

[08:00]

just returned a few days after the solstice from the front lines of the Thomas fires. We honor our deep servants of the way. Born in this place, always a fiery lad. Gardeners tend to pop out our children right around the great holy days. So Jesse was born on the summer solstice, and his bratty little darling, fiery sister, was born on the winter solstice, right near. We're so unimaginative, really. way we do this. We're primal, primordial. So I'm really moved to be here this morning. And for all the years of Jesse's life, from 1977 on, I've been working with deep respect and gratitude with teacher, scholar, activist, Buddhist thinker, Joanna Macy. So for a good 40 years, looking at how we can connect with the pain and suffering in our world and find it as a source of energy or the engine, the engine of awareness.

[09:11]

So I want to take some of the primary points from Joanna's teaching and the teaching of thousands of people all over the world who've followed practices that encourage us to sit still, to take a deep look. and to recognize and remember who we are and what our work is. This is a good day to be doing that. And this work always and evermore begins with gratitude. Gratefulness, Brother David Stendhal-Ross says, gratefulness, the heart of prayer, the deep old heart of prayer, gratitude, gratefulness. Many years ago, a student asked His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, Why do we have to always begin with gratitude and giving and generosity? Why don't we just hit right into wisdom, he said, because wisdom doesn't earn its place, essentially, he said, until there is a heart full of gratitude for all that is.

[10:16]

And not just the bright and good, but also the dark teachings, the full teachings, the bright and dark teachings that face both ways. So coming from gratitude, we begin, I begin this morning with deep and full gratitude and awareness of the first people of this valley, the Kosmi Walk, the ancient ones, isolated, diverse, complex, peaceful, tribes that stretched all the way. along the coast of California into central California. This was their home terrain in the shadow of West Hill, their sacred mountain. So we begin this morning with gratitude to the first residents of this valley. And when we first began to cultivate the ground, the plow ran through the field following Snipp and Jerry, the team of Percheron horses that we worked with. And one of the first...

[11:18]

Gifts was an obsidian knife turned up from the lower fields of Green Gulch. Luckily, we were going slowly and deeply enough to see that knife glinting in the soil. And remember that we are not the first to cultivate this ancient land, nor will we be the last, nor are they gone or forgotten. The stream of ancestral teaching continues, strong and long. And you know, there is a wonderful practice whenever we gather, and particularly at the new year of orienting ourself to where we stand and where we live. So when I have the honor of sitting here with you, I like to remember the sacred peaks of the greater Bay Area that are homeland peaks. And call them out, as they need to be called, to the east. Chostak. Mountain at the dawn of time. Some may know her as Mount Diablo. A double pyramid, isolated, upthrusting, and still growing, sacred to Chechenia Ohlone people.

[12:29]

The viewshed of this peak, mountain at the dawn of time, Diablo Mountain, is the longest viewshed in the world. That means from the top of that mountain, on a clear day, you can see forever. And that's a gift of being in the Bay Area. We can see what's born and to be born, all the way to the Sierra Mountains. To the south, Mount Umm-Hum, Umm-Moon-Hum, Hummingbird Mountain. Oh, beautiful... Cinnabar, red mountain, standing in the south, the direction of Samantapadra, shining practice, as the east is the direction of the mind of awakening. Bodhisattva vow to awaken with all beings. So is the south, the mind of shining practice. So Cinnabar mountain, hummingbird mountain, the ancestral home of Somanthak, Chalataka,

[13:37]

Shiltak-tak, descendants of Muwe Ohlone and the Amamatsun, who are so strong and will be leading, I'm happy to say, this year's Environmental Ecological Conference in their home territory in the Monterey Bay. So their sacred mountain, the sacred mountain of the south, Mount Hamilton, common name, Hummingbird Mountain, old name, to the west, to the west, Mount Tamopais. West Hill, uplift, growing, buckling at the edge of the known world where the plates rub together. Mount Tamalpais is imagined to be Turtle Island itself. The tail of the mountain stretches all the way to Florida. The mouth of the turtle is the great San Francisco Bay. Her right eye. West Peak, her unwavering left eye, dawn of time, Mount Diablo.

[14:45]

So Native people saw these mountains as the body of the living earth. And to the north, Mount Saint Helena, a shield volcano. Wapu people know her as the human mountain because they imagine that Mount Saint Helena looks like a reclining female being, and out of her mouth and from her heights, the source of the Napa River, five distinct peaks flowing together, human mountain. So find yourself in this landscape. Remember teaching from Dogen Zenji, when you find your place, where you are, practice occurs. So this morning, find yourself in the circle of mountains. And let's remember where we come from or where we're privileged to practice and live, bigger than our everyday life, the old landscape, the true place.

[15:56]

In 1977, there was a gathering called by the United Nations in Geneva, Switzerland. The Haudenosaunee people the Six Nations Confederacy, Iroquois Nation, that the ancient ones made their way to Geneva and offered this proclamation. These are the words that come before all else. Original instructions now direct that we who walk about on earth begin to express and deepen a great respect and affection. and gratitude to all spirits who create and support life. Let us now bring our minds together as one and give greeting and thanksgiving to the many supporters of our lives. Beautiful address. The Thanksgiving address, beginning and coming from gratitude.

[17:00]

So in whatever way we can do this today, May I offer the encouragement that we find some sense of gratitude for what it means to be alive in dangerous times, in bright and challenging times, to be alive right here, right now, and to turn toward the world. Because the second stage of the spiral that reconnects us and unfolds and is a teaching mandala, is the ability to honor our pain for the world. So we cannot go into a fresh year without looking at the truth of this year. Gravity and levity together. In this hall so many years ago, Thich Nhat Hanh, sitting in this very seat, taught us beautifully and fully

[18:04]

that what we most need to do now, these are his words, is to hear within the sounds of the earth crying. This cup of water in my two hands. May all beings have enough to drink. turn this off so I can cough. It is hard to honor the pain for the world. It hurts. we're very safe here but I'm surprised at how much feeling what we most need to do is to hear within ourselves the sounds of this earth crying I so remember this in our former lives we were rocks clouds trees for those of you who were here so many years ago

[19:47]

Remember Thich Nhat Hanh holding up a sheet of paper and saying, this paper contains all universes, rocks, clouds, trees, and you and I as well. So, to honor the pain for the world, we remember that we were rocks, clouds, trees, and this is not Buddhist understanding, a truly scientific, actual dharma. We human beings are a young species. We were plants, we were trees, and now we've become humans. We have to remember our past existences and awaken from the illusion of our separateness. Thank you. We have to remember our past existences, and awaken from the illusion of our separateness.

[20:54]

Now, what does that mean? We cannot and will not and shall not be separate from a sense of honoring pain of this world, the body of the world, expressed, carried, experienced in our own body, in whatever form we take. Let me call out the natural disasters of 2017. Let's remember together not just those that we encountered in North America. But we do remember hurricanes Harvey, Irma, and Maria. 60 inches of rain falling on the Texas coastline. thinking of our Dharma sister, Galen Godwin, and the Houston Zen Center in the thick of the storm, serving countless beings day after day, rescuing and protecting.

[21:58]

60 inches of rain, 24 trillion gallons of water falling on Houston. 24 trillion gallons of water. In Florida, on the Floridian Peninsula, The tale of the turtle, the tale of Gaia, Turtle Island, 20 inches of rain in one swoop, and the Caribbean islands, we're still counting, more than 20 inches of rain. Monsoon floods in Central Asia, Bangladesh. The mudslides in Sierra Leone and Colombia. Earthquake in Mexico, a young couple I married, traveled to Mexico to celebrate their honeymoon, and on their first night were awakened by the earth moving and shaking stronger than anything they had experienced in the Bay Area. The Oroville Dam opening up.

[23:01]

I know my son was there trying to look with other firefighters to see what might be done to protect... Because in many ways, and ironically, much of the damage this year, the Great Fires, were caused by an abundance of rain, by a surplus of rain. California wildfires caused by rain and wind, the Thomas Fire, 280,000 acres of land, now to be the largest fire in the history of California, following the North Bay Fires, which we know and remember vividly, fully. Blessings to all who've been in the experience of conflagration. In the United States, nine and a half million acres have burned. Nine and a half million acres.

[24:03]

And humanitarian disaster... From Syria, evacuation of children, to the famines of Yemen, dengue fever, malaria, 8 million people in the Yemen suffering, political instability steadily in the Democratic Republic of Congo, from South Sudan to Syria, Afghanistan to Yemen, and 1 million persecuted Rohingya people in Myanmar. Famine in Haiti. We do not turn away from this truth. We cannot, must not, will not, honoring the pain for the world. But also holding our ground and letting this honoring be a source of

[25:09]

revivication of intention. So that we can, this is the third step, begin to see with new eyes. Open our eyes and our heart and see fresh. I love working with students at Zen Center. It's been my huge privilege for the last two years to turn the Dharma toward religion and ecology and really look at the roots of awareness that run through meditation practice and connect back to the life of the world. And so throughout Buddhist teaching, two strong images occur steadily and strongly. That of the tree, interconnectedness through the tree, through the root system, through the branches. through the fruits and flowers of trees, the teaching of interconnectedness, interbeing, strong and long.

[26:13]

And then the image of fire. I think in this year particularly, the image of fire. I remember Joanna Macy talking about when she and Fran were married many, many years ago. Fran died on January 20th, 2008, the inauguration of Barack Obama as president of He said, I'm going to take a nap. This is the happiest day of my life. And he went to sleep and died of a heart attack in his sleep. So when they were married, the minister that married them said, I wish you two things, that you'll always see each other as strangers and that you will shine by perishing like fire. So the image of fire shining by perishing and interconnectedness of trees. Can we see with new eyes what this means?

[27:15]

The trees in the temples at Sanchi in India, all the tips of the leaves are burning. Everything, oh bhikkhus, is burning. Can we see with new eyes? The wonderful text, the Sudhimagga, the path of purification, begins with one of the spirit gods asking the Buddha or observing the inner tangle and the outer tangle. This world is entangled in a tangle. I love this beginning. The inner tangle and the outer tangle. This world is entangled in in a tangle. So I ask you, Gautama, Buddha, world-honored one, awakened one, who succeeds or how do we succeed in disentangling the tangle?

[28:17]

And I think it's beautiful that this wonderful text from the fifth century, Sri Lankan text, famous, deep, abiding Buddhist text, that the Buddha waits a good long time before saying, when a wise one established well in virtue, shila sama, shila paramita, shila, a beautiful translation for virtue that's a little less stiff, is when someone who has a good sense of moral compass, I love that translation of virtue. When a wise one established well in following moral compass develops consciousness and understanding, then, and I'm adapting this, as a cloud and water wanderer, ardent and sagacious, this living being succeeds in disentangling the tangle. But if we're really to see with new eyes, then I'd like to suggest that no body, no one, no mind, no thinking, no planning can untangle the tangle we're in now.

[29:32]

It is not to be untangled the nature of our life is entangled, both internally and externally. No matter how wise, deep, strong, or abidingly present you are, the tangle is to be entered, not disentangled. So how are we going to do it, go into the tangle? Every good, serious, dedicated, Buddha's practitioner disobeys all the teachings. You have to, otherwise they can't be fresh. So please continue to disobey and be a little bit wild and randy and rowdy. No, no, I live, you know, for years I lived in the presence of a vastly tangled wisteria vine. Whenever I considered untangling the tangle, it's impossible. It's not possible. But it is possible for us to commit to go in together.

[30:35]

So let me drop down today. And this is the end of the talk. But I want to say that to go forth, what's really going to help us go forth and meet the challenges? And I'll suggest that one of the greatest gifts is the gift of dharma or spiritual friendship. Think for a moment who in your life or what in your life has offered spiritual friendship. I mean, a friend for the ages. It can be a friend from the human or more than human world. Spiritual friend can be an old oak tree. or even a young oak tree newly fallen. So think for a moment, what has been or who has been a spiritual friend to you?

[31:45]

Because today is December 31st. And for those of us who live and practice at Zen Center, this is the day when a true spiritual friend and brother in the Dharma, Myogen Steve Stuckey, Abbot of San Francisco Zen Center entered nirvana, or entered into the great mystery. This is the day he died, four o'clock in the morning, four years ago. After a three-month vivid bout with, not even bout, connection, engagement with pancreatic cancer, he reported to the doctor in September with an aching back, and he died this morning four years ago. And all the time taught us brilliantly and fully as a spiritual friend. So I like to remember Abbot Steve today put him quite near to Fuson as he's riding the team of Snipp and Jerry. He was the first farmer here at Green Gulch Farm, raised from Mennonite roots, Anabaptist, trained from Kansas.

[32:49]

He came to Zen Center and said, how can this be Green Gulch Farm? There's no farmer. Of course, we called his bluff and said, well, would you like to be the farmer and help us? So from the very beginning in the early 1970s, those of us who practiced here worked together in spiritual friendship with each other. And I find it so auspicious to be able to remember his teaching today and to think how much going forth depends on real friendship. 1977 is a big year, I notice today, in my thinking and talking. 1977, Myogen was ordained by Zentasu Richard Baker. He also became a father. His daughter, Hannah, was born in 1977, along with our son, Jesse, lifelong friends.

[33:55]

And he practiced steadily and fully, both here at Zen Center and also in the world, as a lay dharma practitioner, ordained but working, living a lay life, until 1993 when he received dharma transmission from, well, Mel Weizmann. And then later in 2006, for... seven short years, he served as abbot of San Francisco Zen Center, invited to serve as abbot, both here at Green Gulch and also in the city center. When he took the mountain seat, he said, our practice of zazen gives us backbone, tough, sturdy, resilient. This practice is soft as silk and tempered as fine steel. And whatever you feel is right at the edge of your familiar world, he said to himself and to the community.

[35:02]

That's the edge of the bodhisattva vow and the place where we practice. So I'm thinking about Myogen today. And more than anything, I feel his life as a teacher and a friend to many of us, to so many of us, But in particular, he spent a good part of his life making gardens. And the garden where I live now, our home garden, was dedicated and designed by Myogen, Steve Stuckey. And in it, he planted a range of evergreens. I wanted to show you the circle of life. In the Cherokee world, when the world was getting very dark, The Great Spirit called on all the plants and said, please stay awake with me. Witness this world and what's happening.

[36:03]

And every plant made the vow to do so, but it was really only the evergreens that managed to stay awake day after day after day. And their great gift was the gift of being sempervirens, evergreen, always green. So I live in a paradise of plants. in the mind of awakening and in this circle. So I made this wreath today for Green Gulch and for the end of the year to remember the circle of friendship that connects us. And to remember the three friends of winter. It's a great day to remember those three friends of winter. Pine for strength, bamboo for flexibility, and the cherry for beauty and the coming apart beauty. So how lucky we are, how lucky we are to be able to practice together in these times.

[37:13]

So let me close by encouraging all of us and each of us not to make too many resolutions, not to be so resolved this year. These times, this world is calling on us to be a little bit wilder and looser. Instead, put your attention and wholeheartedness toward cultivating and deepening spiritual friendship. From the spirit, from spirit to breathe, to take in, let your life be, let's let our lives be a little chaotic. Let's look both ways. Let's stand in the doorway and not know which way to go until we turn and turn and turn until we come round right and go in backwards, take the backward step, go through the gate.

[38:31]

All the time, taking care of and honoring our spiritual friends. On the winter solstice this year, again, here comes... 1977, but since 1977, some friends have been walking up to Mount Tamalpais at 5.40 in the morning, not 5.45, 5.40 in the morning. We meet on the flanks of West Hill. And we walk up to a blowy, windy, usually freezing, often rainy, sometimes snowy, now and then hot and clear, very rarely. But we walk through the forest. out to a meadow and sit in the grass until the sun comes up over the bay. We stand up and cheer and greet the sun. Good friends. We often don't know who we are because it's dark. When we get well past, I'm going to tell you a secret, so hold it in your hearts. We get well past the ranger station.

[39:37]

Yaakov and Dalia Kamazar, who are the founders of this walk, light a candle and pass it around to... number 10 can lanterns that we each carry. And Jack is a great designer, so he's perforated these cans so the light shines out in patterns. And we walk up carrying our little candle lights to the top. And for many years, Yaakov walked with a crown of cans on his head, shining with light. This is his 90th year. He's 90 years old. Last year, he couldn't walk. The walk began 40 years ago when Dahlia, his wife, was pregnant with Elan. And Steve and many of us, many of the families here, had some of the young children that were born 40 years ago at Zen Center. So Dahlia walked up pregnant with Elan.

[40:38]

This year, Elan led the walk. He wore the crown. And his father, who couldn't come last year, his father came this year. his 90th year. And he plunked down in a wheelchair and Frank Ostaseski and other friends, Dharma friends, too dark to see them in the cold, windy morning, pushed that wheelchair to the edge of the known world. And then rather than carrying Yaakov, these beautiful beings gathered around him. He put his arms his oldest friends and slowly slowly we walked up the hill my husband and I were so happy because we whispered to each other the slower we walk the less time we have to sit in the freezing cold so we walked up slowly slowly slowly following Yaakov and his son and partner we sat in the middle

[41:47]

until the sun roared up out of the water, and light and dark met forward and backward steps. And I did remember many years ago on that meadow, Yaakov rings up, he rings up a bell, a nice loud bell, and everyone cheers, and then someone blows a conch shell, and the sun blares down. I did remember many years ago sitting and standing up. You never know who's there. Standing up, and I was right... next to me again, Steve Stuckey. And he said, I'd like to offer a toast to the morning, and adapted this poem from Emily Dickinson. The mind, rather, she wrote the brain, but we changed it to, the mind is wider than the sky. Put them side by side, the one the other will contain with ease. And you besides. The mind is deeper than the sea.

[42:51]

Hold them blue to blue. The one, the other will absorb as sponges buckets do. And the mind is just the weight of God. Heft them pound for pound. And they will differ if they do as syllable from sound. Tell all the truth. said this poet but tell it slant so stand in the doorway of your life today look back look ahead remember your deepest intention and continue lifetime after lifetime come from gratitude even though we know the facts come from gratitude honor the choking pain for the world. Honor it, because we've created it.

[43:54]

Honor it. Know it's mano maya, maya mano, mind made. And then go forth. Treasure your friendships. May old acquaintance be forgot, never brought to mind. May old acquaintance be remembered forever in honor of old Anxion. Thank you very much for coming this morning. And I look forward to turning the Dharma together and hearing your experience. huge gratitude for your practice. If you're called to join us tonight, you are so welcome. There will be noodles and floating lotus boats in trees. There will be fires, not open fire.

[44:57]

There will be intense fire. We will shine by perishing, offering anything we want to burn up. And we'll be together lifetime after lifetime. Thank you very much for your practice. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[45:39]

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