This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I heard this story about Suzuki Roshi, and it may even be true, that during a sushim that he was leading, someone came to talk to him and told them they wanted to leave. And he said, you can leave, but there's nowhere to go. What is that? That was the punchline.

[01:06]

You can leave it, there's nowhere to go. What happened after that? Everything. People went, people stayed, Sashin ended, more Sashins began. This history interesting dilemma of the human condition that brought about right into uh obvious experience through shashim immersion you know we're immersed in something and of course we're always immersed in it you know we're always immersed in this interbeing there's no way out of it we're part of it we can have whatever ideas or feelings We might about it. That doesn't change the essential characteristic.

[02:12]

You can wonder from here and there within it, but if the bird leaves the air, the bird can't leave the air. If the fish leaves the water, the fish can't leave the water. It can, of course. but in its realm of being, that's its realm. And whether it delights us or dismays us to let it be so, realize it so, live as if it's so this realm of interbeing. And so yesterday I mentioned the title of the fascicle that Dogen wrote regarding this Gyoji.

[03:27]

And in Nishijima, Roshi calls it pure conduct and observance of precepts. And Kais Tanahashi called and said, ceaseless practice. And I thought, how interesting. They sound so different, you know. The pure conduct and observance of precepts. Ceaseless practice. in my mind arose the question, is morning service the veneration of sacredness and the heritage of it, and the expression of it, or is it the kind of calisthenics we do between zazen and breakfast, or the servers bring up the food?

[04:34]

It doesn't matter. Often when I read Dogen and he goes into one of his articulations that is filled with the imagery of Buddhist religion, And as you may have noticed, I usually skirt around that part. Talk about the Blue Jays or something. There's a sweet poem by Seamus Heaney, which I'm not going to read.

[05:47]

I'm going to do it. he talks about as a child he was raised catholic roman catholic in ireland and there's a ceremony you do you go and you receive a wafer that represents the body and blood of christ and he accounts as a child of about six or seven doing that and being deeply moved not that he had some elaborate thinking or cosmology to it all, but just the immersion, the immersion beyond knowing. And within that immersion, the particularity is a particular act. And that particularity initiated something.

[06:54]

And then he was touched. He was moved. And then the poem goes on. And he says, I never intended to stop doing that. There was never a particular moment of decisive thinking. No. Reflection. Oh, I haven't done that for decades. It's a way of being in the world. That shift. And I think many of us have a large kind of involvement.

[07:56]

early memories, early experiences of being immersed in the wonder of something that fortunately as a child we're not obliged to exhaustively know. And this is the don't know mind of Shishima. We meet its particularity. And the challenge for us is can we meet that particularity whether we call it the body and blood of Christ or Buddha or just what's entering through the sense doors in that moment. deconstruction rather than imbue it, adorn it with attributes or adjectives to let it deconstruct to just this beyond words and ideas.

[09:24]

So for me, in some ways, Dogen is talking about how with reverence and an affinity with the sacred, we create something. And this is what Nishijima holds up. And then Kaz holds up practice. That wonderful... that asserts no definition of reality. It attends to the immediate experience. It opens to its particularity, its energy, its function. Here's the Seamus Heaney poem I have to read.

[10:37]

I know you were getting anxious. And interestingly, it's called a miracle. It turns the notion on its head. There's a miracle. I can't remember the details. He doesn't mention them directly. But Jesus is somewhere preaching. And there's such a crowd, they bring this man who's paralyzed. They drop him in through the roof. And Jesus says, take up your bed and walk. And he does. Takes up his bed and walks. But here's how She has seen it. Turns it. Not the one who takes up his bed and walks, but the ones who've known him all along and carry him in.

[11:47]

Their shoulders numb, the ache and the stoop, deep locked in their backs, the stretcher handles, slippery with sweat, and now light up until he's strapped on tight, made tiltable and raised to the tiled roof, then lowered for here. Be mindful of them as they stand and wait for the burn of the paid-out ropes to cool, their slight lightheadedness and incredulity to pass. Those ones who've known him all along, continuity of our practice. Maybe there's pivotal moments that turn the world, like yesterday, what I was saying.

[12:59]

In that moment of awareness, rather than the self goes forth and owns it, it fits it into its array the moment with sparkling clarity turns the self it demonstrates beyond knowledge that something opens some fixed way of being with its unexamined knowing is disbanded. Something walks out in a new form of being.

[14:01]

And how for maybe all of us, at least most of us, these moments As Aitken Roshi said, you know, you can't manufacture them, they're accidents, but you make yourself accident prone. That steady practice of noticing what it is, acknowledging, opening and contacting and experiencing. those dips in the day where your forever dips or just your physical energy or your mental acuity and the ceaseless practice of Sushi okay that's how it is right now

[15:16]

this I would actually prefer it to be different I would prefer a sparkle moment right now I'd prefer that rising energy that has such an authority the mind goes quiet that rising energy that teaches the body how to be not just a ragtag sack of ideas, elbow, wrist, foot, but a realm of sensation, vital and flowing. infused with energy so miraculous as those moments are the heartbeat of our practice the breath of our practice is this steady continuity

[16:47]

This, just this is it until just this is it includes all existence. Just this is it until beyond any assertion, the sense of immersion. that sometimes in that immersion, am I practicing or not practicing? Am I concentrated or not concentrated? Don't know permeates more deeply. And even here, there is a yogic craft.

[17:58]

And even here, it doesn't refute the deliberate attention of directed attention and receptive attention. creating the disposition of accident-prone is its own endeavor. And here Dogen, usually in Dogen's first paragraph, he lays out the proposition of the classical. And here he includes, as he included in Bento Well, And you can't force it on yourself and others can't force it on you either. Not to say we don't engage in techniques, but they have nothing to do with forcing something.

[19:15]

Not to say we don't follow the schedule. Yesterday, I meant to talk about mimitsu no kafu, but then I forgot. We talked about something else. Translates as careful attention to detail. And maybe we could play with the word careful. That it's not just an admonition, but it's also caring. The way in which the request of practice is something we're imposing. It's tiring. It's a little tedious and boring. When is all this chanting gonna end so we can have our breakfast?

[20:28]

How many of these do we have to do? Nine, ah. My knees hurt on the first one. And how the attention to detail as its only way of drawing the sin. You can leave, but there's nowhere to go. Or you can stay and see what's happening here. Because every part of it attended to carefully opens up like a jewel.

[21:28]

And part of that attention to detail, part of that following the scope, part of that trying not to be late, part of that catching the timing of whatever it is and the rhythm of it, tedious bothersome but as we continue you know and we get closer we can see how the experience makes the mind move and the mind makes bothersome tedious owner and when that drops away something vital starts to come alive it doesn't actually matter whether we think of morning service as the glorification of all the buddhas and ancestors

[22:55]

The involvement of body and breath in singing the song of now. With the engagement, something opens beyond our ideas. Beyond our sense of separate self. very interestingly it speaks of that which is precious and simultaneously that which is nothing special and so we can characterize it as This gyo comes from brahmachara, Sanskrit, the pure conduct, the virtuous conduct.

[24:13]

And this gi, gyo, ji, this ji, comes from jikai, the observance of precepts. that observance. But whether we formulate it particularly in religious terms or whether we see that all of existence has its own sacred way. If we pick chopsticks out of the bag and place in a particular way. And in that movement, something's revealed.

[25:21]

Something about the preciousness of all existence. Something about the Everything arises and is there and can be appreciated. It is in that appreciation. She must hate me. on our minds. If any of us can remember that story from our childhood. Yeah, but what about the guys that carried him in? Apparently, he was quite heavy.

[26:24]

Had you ever thought of that? What does this guy weigh 250 pounds? and luring them through the roof. That's quite an aspect. So not just the foreground, but the context. And this, not just the directed attention, but the receptive attention. being includes everything it happens precisely this is the nature of it I am this person and part of everything

[27:34]

And both of those seem at times lovely and at other times terrible. Oh God, listen to my mind playing that familiar old lament. And sometimes the self just parallettes In a moment of freedom. Not grasping anything. Sometimes intervening is a burden. And since it's hard to apprehend the full range of it, you can always complain about the people you're here with. Faults, shortcomings.

[28:43]

It's part of the service they offer. And then the mind turns. And some of those very same terrible people inspire us with their practice. So Gyoji, ceaseless practice, including all of this, and including the heartbeat of moment-to-moment awareness, the heartbeat of the inhale, the pause, the exhale, the pause, the inhale. What could be a more equivalent, wonderful demonstration of ceaseless practice?

[29:49]

And as we attend to it, it draws us into immersion. And that process goes beyond time. we lose track whether this is the second city in the morning or the afternoon or the evening whether this is happening in California or Slovenia or Ireland we lose track if this is me we lose track of the particular or the context. And the great gift of Shashin, this just becomes the everyday affair of Shashin life.

[31:02]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was immersed a few times in that glass city. But it's King Hina. special and then do again as those as a whole practice tend to do breaks it into four parts the four-part play of Sishma's practice or observance The first one is awareness. Sometimes we sit down with steady diligence.

[32:15]

We return, we return, we return. And after an hour or so, We're somewhat present. And then sometimes the world leaps forth. Startling and powerful. Awareness is almost unavoidable. Sometimes in the middle of our waking there's wakingry and then just the very cycle of consciousness the moment of awareness arises.

[33:24]

A light touch. On a subtle level, not forcing. Just touch. One quick. Experiencing the texture of the moment. The texture of the light or the sign. of the physical sensation, brightening the mind, making the attentiveness more acute and astute. All of these and many more. Yesterday I was talking about bits and pieces of awareness.

[34:38]

Just pops up. So as we immerse into Shin, these become an everyday affair. Oh yeah. Like this. And then Doding's next formulation is practicing. What is it to practice with this? And each experience is its own core. Does the mind generate a Doding? Don't push away, don't make something out of it.

[35:42]

There's a mind, generate a dip. Open to it fully, experience it fully. Let it immerse. Both have their validity and both can miss the mark. What is it to practice with this? Invite. A pliable, a versatile, a creative, an enlivening, engaging.

[36:48]

The engagement is plodding, mechanical. Oh, yeah. We're half asleep before we've even finished the thought. We're already looking out the window thinking, oh, I love you, that cloud. I wish I was out there. request to practice be engaged in a way that it holds life as a precious good can we see the way in which it can pick on the shoe of scholars

[37:55]

You're not a good person and you really should be. Start right now. Who wants to listen to that? But who wants to be full your life? Who wants to discover that way of being that inclines that way? That reveals that way? So the coin arises. And it arises thoroughly when the awareness is thorough. And it arises, sometimes it seems like it arises more thoroughly with that which in our karmic life is more challenging.

[39:12]

As we settle into shashiv and the awareness accumulates and shashiv in its own fierce way wears down our defense mechanisms. And you get a taste of a less manufactured sense of self. Sometimes it's bothersome. Me? That's not me. I'm a nicer person than that. I'm not that stuck in my ideas or feelings. What is it to practice with it? Is it an internal battle? Admit it, yes you are, you're a terrible person. Or is it to sanctify it with an inhale, breathing in compassion, forgiveness,

[40:22]

As the koan is engaged, it's being turned rather than turning, rather than taking ownership. The latest chapter in the great book called Life According to Me. Something original. original mind, original being arises like the lotus in muddy water. In Adelbak, Dugan quietly proposes nirvana. And for those of you who are about to leave, here's what I'm going to say.

[41:38]

Abiding, being aware you're aware, and familiarity. I'm going to add a few words to that. often the word stillness comes up in our practice. The stillness is proposing allowing rather than resisting intervening, allowing the moment rather than

[42:44]

something to it, against it, with it. It's experientially, it's abiding. And here, even though the difficult experiences can be provocative in a helpful way. The pleasant experiences can be helpful in this abiding. You know, often the adverb that goes with stupidness is ease. Because because of its lack of agitation, distress.

[43:49]

So when there's a pleasant experience, to let that be soaked in, to let there be an abiding, a soaking in, colors of that moment and then this is often in the territory of Zazen off the cushion often we experience it off the cushion and we bring it to the cushion And then on the cushion, within the accumulated discipline of our diligence, just being with what is.

[45:07]

Somewhere in the middle of a long period of Zazen, knowing it's useless to think out before or after. They're just dreams that are of no help. Just attending to what is. That steady practice reveals something about letting that attending to what is we can start to see that the nature of samadhi has within it this attending and being absorbed in the attending. Directed attention and receptive attention interplay.

[46:27]

Neither is distinct from the other. In the experience, what's being attended to becomes attractive to consciousness, becomes sticky. The mind is more agitated. It's elusive. A mouse you try to put your finger on, keeps running away, keeps running your finger after it. In the diligence, as it right bends into a kind of devotion, the mouse comes towards the finger. abide together.

[47:39]

And then also another modality of be aware you're aware. In that moment of awareness, let it register. that moment of awareness there's an absence of destruction in that moment of awareness there's an absence of something other than this should be happening in that moment of awareness there's an absence of and here's my judgment of this it has its own naked beauty. It's just itself. Consciousness can be aware of that simple disposition.

[48:48]

Be aware when you're aware. And again, Often this is more easily accessed off the cushion. As we settle in and we're opening up, we sit down in the cushion and often all hell breaks loose. It's immersion, you know? It's interveal. It's not tiny little drops of existence. It's a great stream. It's a great fountain. of existence. With the chirping of the gland squirrel.

[49:54]

And the apprehension of sound. The invitation to quiet attentiveness. And letting it be savored. Letting it be itself. Letting that state of mind be itself. Aware you're aware. When you're not familiar with it, it's a furtive shadow. It's something that comes and goes like a mystery. And as you keep poking at it and exploring it, it becomes more familiar territory for consciousness.

[51:02]

It's almost like you get a feel for it. How it is in the body, how it is as a disposition. You don't reach out and grasp the sound. Just offer presence. In presence and the sound, you meet each other. Two hands and gasho. Awareness, practice, awakening nirvana. I had a sudden thought it would be a good idea to reach Seamus Heaney's communion.

[52:16]

But maybe it's not gonna appear. Nope. I think it was Lazarus. He was dead. Lazarus was in a crypt to... Apparently, I was wrong. There's some good Catholics in here. Anyway, the person doesn't even get a mention in the poem. So he's not that important. Not the one. not the one who takes up his bed and walks, but the ones who have known him all along and carry him in.

[53:25]

Their shoulders numb, they ache and stoop deep locked in their backs, the stretcher handles slippery with sweat, and now let up until he's strapped on tight, made tiltable, and raised above the tight roof, then lowered for healing. Be mindful of them as they stand and wait, with the burn of the played-out ropes to cool, their slight lightheadedness and incredulity. Those ones look known all along. It's not so hard to talk about this practice or that practice or this state of consciousness or that. But continuous practice.

[54:37]

as it moves up and on in like wonderful states, terrible states. Yeah, it's easy to talk about it, but in the doing, that's another matter. For more information, visit SSCC.org and click Giving.

[55:32]

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