It was nice just now bowing when I'm about to talk about bowing, which is this next talk by Suzuki Hiroshi. And yeah, he says some lovely things. And it's a very familiar practice for all of us who've been together at Zen Center. And for those of you who have visited or practiced in a Zen community, bowing is one of the really special things that we get to do. And I've grown to really appreciate it. as a practice. We'll see what happens here at Enso Village. It's not very familiar for most of the people here, but it could be sweet if they thought it might be something that they would like to try. So, as I said, this week's chapter or talk of Zen Mind Beginner's Mind is entitled Bowing. And it begins with Suzuki Roshi saying that bowing is a very serious practice. you should be prepared to bow even in your last moment.

[01:15]

Even though it is impossible to get rid of our self-centered desires, we have to do it. Our true nature wants us to do it. So in this talk, Roshi is again focusing on how the practices of our body help to transform the practices of our mind. Since the body and mind are not separate in Buddhist teaching and they're not separate in fact, something that I think... It surprises many of us when we begin to understand that your body and mind are not two different things. They're really an amazing little team that work together all the time in creating our human life. So when I finally learned how to bow, I began to feel a combination of both humility and respect by using my body in that way. And Suzuki Roshi understood that it was pretty hard for Westerners to bow to each other. you know, when he came here, or about anything else, for that matter.

[02:16]

And, you know, there's some history to that, as most of us know. We've been raised on the ideals of the American, French, and Russian revolutions, where liberty, equality, civil rights, and popular sovereignty rule the day, or at least theoretically. what we're supposed to be doing. And much of that took their inspiration, the founders of these cultures, modern cultures, from Greek ideals. I think all of the founding brothers, there's a great book called The Founding Brothers. If you haven't read it, it's really interesting about the founding of this country by a band of brothers who all went to school together. They were all from the same somewhat aristocratic background, they all had wealth, and they all had read Cicero when they were in college. So they basically founded this country on these really ancient principles from many, many hundreds of years ago.

[03:21]

So, you know, and democracy was a big part of that understanding or of that value system. So I think we all know that from the time of these revolutions, people in Western cultural European cultures don't no longer bow to the aristocracy as they once had. And whether they feel respect for them or not is really hard to tell. But that practice really came to an end. I don't know if any of you have seen this new Netflix documentary. The series is out. I just checked it out recently to see what was going on there. It seemed kind of interesting. It's called A Gentleman in Moscow. And it's really an interesting depiction of how this transition between the rule of kings and czars and queens and princes and emperors and so on to the rule of all kinds of committees, such as we have now, how that all happened and what that transition was like for the aristocrats, most of whom were

[04:24]

assassinated but this one gentleman apparently it's based on a somewhat true story this one gentleman or aristocrat was allowed to live but he had to stay in this hotel where he had once had a suite and he can't leave if he leaves the hotel he will be shot so basically we get to watch him making his life as a gentleman in this very fancy hotel but now he's living in the servants quarters So it's quite fascinating. And it's all really close to us in terms of history. And those dynamics are still playing out in a variety of ways between cultures of sharing, so-called communist cultures or communal cultures, and those that are based on civil rights or individual rights. And the person is the center rather than the collective, such as our culture tends to be. So for better or worse, this is our history and this is what we've inherited. So bowing came kind of a shock to many of us who had been schooled in revolutionary principles.

[05:26]

I remember how awkward it felt. to begin to bow to other students when meeting on the path seemed a little strange. And particularly to the statues on the altars at Zen Center in the Buddha Hall and in the Zendo at Green Gulch. You know, I first went to practice in Page Street in the city, so I... My first, I'd say, six months of going to the Zen Center, I only went to the Zendo and Satsazen, and then I went home. And many of the other students went upstairs to the Buddha Hall to bow and to chant and to do the liturgy, which I could hear, you know, as I was going toward my home. But I was really wary of whatever that was. You know, it just seemed really alien. And it kind of is, but I've really grown to love it a lot. So even though it was quite a while, I do understand how tricky it is for people coming to practice Zen in the beginning and to try to introduce the practices in a way that isn't upsetting or doesn't feel degrading to people.

[06:33]

And because it's awkward and strange, I think the ritual forms of Zen actually turn out to be quite helpful in having conversations with people about what we do and what it might mean, right? So this talk in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind is particularly helpful in encouraging us to learn from bowing and to find the true meaning, which, as Suzuki Roshi says, is to give up our self-centeredness, which in turn means to give up our dualistic ideas. So Suzuki Roshi, I think in Japan, I'm not It's totally certain. But I think they normally bow three times during service. And we bow nine times at the beginning of service. And partly because Suzuki Roshi felt like we needed to practice bowing because that was something most of us had never done. So we do nine bows at the beginning of service each morning rather than three. So the other thing that Suzuki Rishi says is there is no difference between zazen practice and bowing, that both of these practices enact our deep desire to pay respect to something which is more worthy of respect than ourselves.

[07:50]

It's a little bit of a surprise to bow to something, show respect for something that is more worthy of respect than ourselves. And yet, as he says, when you bow to Buddha, you should have no idea of Buddha. You just become one with Buddha. And as we've heard many times, you are Buddha already. So Buddha bows to Buddha. Buddha bows to Buddha, and Buddha smiles at children, and children smile back. So this is the primary teaching, that when you're bowing, you're bowing to the Buddha, and the Buddha's bowing back. So becoming one with Buddha means becoming one with everything, respecting everything, which is not so easy. I think we all know that. And not until we see that there is fundamentally no difference between ourselves and everything around us, this will be challenging for us, difficult for us. And not before we see that without the world around us, that we have no self to defend or protect anyway.

[08:57]

So we might as well bow. And then Roshi says, when everything exists within your big mind, all dualistic relationships drop away. When everything exists within your big mind, all dualistic relationships drop away. Then when that thing happens, there are no distinctions between men and women, between dogs and cats, friends and strangers, heaven and earth, between teachers and students. So I think all of us And I know all of you have gotten a taste of that, that non-dualistic experience at various moments. I like examples such as gazing up at the night sky. I mean, that's a good one. Walking in the forest or walking on the beach. So I thought I would ask you to just take a moment right now to think about some of those times when you have experienced the kind of awesomeness or the...

[09:58]

you know, the non, what Suzuki Roshi saw calling the non-dual nature of reality, when you didn't even think that you were separate from the sky or the ocean or the campfire or the people walking by, that there was just some quality of contentment and belonging might have been there for you. So just take a minute or so to think about sometimes in your own life, maybe you could share them later when you felt that way, you know, maybe as a child or a young adult or maybe now. You know, when you feel that way. So I'll just be quiet for a second or two. You know, those memorable times in our lives are the times when, in terms of Buddhist understanding, we don't feel the need to divide the world into parts or to feel separate from the world.

[11:10]

You know, there really is a sense of oneness, of being in a unified field together. So then Roshi says, When you are you, truly you, can you bow to everything with sincerity. Only when you are truly you, can you bow to everything with sincerity. He also says that bowing, as I said, is a very serious practice, and we should be prepared to bow even in our last moment, when you can't do anything else except bow. When we bow with this spirit, he says that all the precepts, all the teaching, are yours and you will possess everything with your big mind. So I was really happy to see the next few paragraphs of this talk in which Roshi mentions Senno Rikyu, who is the founder of the Japanese tea ceremony. I don't know how many of you know or if you've ever heard me talk about the tea ceremony, but I practiced tea for many years.

[12:12]

Starting about a year after I arrived at Zen Center, I heard that there was something called tea classes being offered by Suzuki Roshi's widow, Mrs. Suzuki, who we also called Okusan, meaning wife. So his wife stayed on at Zen Center for quite a few years, maybe two decades after he passed, and was a wonderful presence to all of us who lived in the building and had a chance to get to know her and study with her. So my motivation wasn't that pure. When I decided to take tea classes, you know, not knowing anything, as I said, about tea, I really wanted to have Suzuki Sensei tell me and the other members of the class about Suzuki Roshi. So I thought, well, he's gone, he's died, but maybe I can find out something from his wife. So that was my plan. She never talked about him, really, a few jokes. She'd talk about how she teased him and so on. But really, she taught us tea.

[13:14]

And that was how the teacher that she was, was a teacher of the craft, cultural craft of tea. And as Suzuki Roshi says, The tea ceremony has this same spirit of sincere, imperturbable endeavor. A spirit that includes a lot of bowing and a lot of thanking and appreciating one another as we go through this simple act of making one another a bowl of green tea. A simple act that takes many, many years in order to learn. I remember the last class that I had with Suzuki Sensei before she returned to live in Japan, a number of years before she passed away. I was feeling very sad knowing she was going. I'd grown quite fond of her and of tea class, you know. despite the discomfort of sitting on my knees for hours at a time, I really, really appreciated everything she taught us and everything I was able to learn, particularly about the attention to detail of where you place an object and how you care for an object and how you look at objects, object relations, really a very exquisite form of object relations study.

[14:28]

So on this last day, The last bowl of tea I was going to make for her as my teacher. You know, I was whisking the tea. You have this little bamboo whisk and you have a beautiful tea bowl and you put the powdered tea into the bowl and then you add this hot water and you whisk it. It's not very much about three sips of water is all. It's not like a cup of coffee. It's just these three sips of water. And I looked down in the tea bowl and there were all these lumps of tea floating there because the water hadn't been hot enough. which is one of the things you eventually learn to do, make sure the water is hot enough. So I had already started to cry at the thought of her leaving, and then I gave her the bowl, and all I could do was say how sorry I was for the lumps. And I looked up, and she was smiling at me very warmly, and she said, Fusahan, enjoy the lumps. And I think that teaching, her last teaching to me, was something I've been trying to do ever since, you know, enjoy the lumps.

[15:29]

And then Suzuki Rishi says, this imperturbable spirit was always present in Rikyu's tea ceremony. He never did anything in a dualistic way. He was ready to die in each moment. In ceremony after ceremony, he died and he renewed himself. This is the spirit of tea ceremony, and this is how we bow. There was another teacher of tea that lived at Green Gulch. Her name was Nakamura Sensei, a Maya Wenders tea teacher. It's a different school, as we like to tease each other about, a kind of different way of doing tea. And that teacher, Nakamura Sensei, would tell her students, every step you take in the tea room should be taken as if it is your last. A lot of power in these ideas and these rituals. So I don't know that you all knew, but it's mentioned in this chapter that Senno Rikyo was ordered to kill himself by his lord Hideyoshi in 1591.

[16:38]

And I was looking up, like, why did that happen? And many scholars believe it was because that this megalomaniacal military leader Hideyoshi could not tolerate anyone rivaling his own fame and cultural prestige, which Rikyu certainly had. And he was a cultured... He was a monk. He was a cultured practitioner. He was a man of art and of great style and a scholar and so on. And Hideyoshi was a soldier and a bit of a brute. So he had to do away with this... you know, bad example of a way of living different than his own. So just before Rikyu took his own life, he said, when I have this sword, there is no Buddha and there are no patriarchs, no ancestors. Meaning when we have only the sword of big mind, one mind, there is no dualistic world and there's no self, no other, no birth and no death.

[17:43]

And having said that, He took his life. So I have several times in my own life as a priest been called to sit with someone who is dying. I'm sure many of you have done that as well. And what I learned by being there is that once they give up thinking that they have something else to do or somewhere they can go, they relax and they settle into a kind of calm state of acceptance. I've seen that quite a few times. And their breathing goes on for a while. And then there's silence and stillness. And the silence and stillness that has been there all along is there right now. And it is kind of the thread that runs throughout our lives. And then there's also the times of this. These are also times of a great freedom from duality. You know, when the circumstances of the person dying other times can be terribly grim.

[18:46]

So it's not always in the comfort of a bed, as we all know. We don't get to choose the time or place of our death. But at those times when it's difficult, and maybe some of you have experienced that as well with Dear Ones, there's a different kind of relationship that can really help. So I was fascinated to have seen this I don't know if it was YouTube or TikTok, I don't know where it was that someone showed me, but there was a young EMT who told his story about this very special time where he was called to rescue a woman who had had an accident and she was pinned under her car. So when he arrived on the scene, he said that his exchange with her, his conversation with her changed his life Forever. And he said before he'd met her, he would simply tell people who were in terribly bad shape due to mostly automobile accidents that they would be taken to the hospital and they would be fine.

[19:55]

You know, he would reassure them that they would be fine, even though he knew well, very well, that they were not going to be fine, that they were going to die. So when this woman asked him if she was dying, he chose to tell her the truth. He said, yes, you are. You are dying. And she thanked him and she said, I'm so grateful because I want you to tell my husband and my children how much I love them. And then he thanked him, and then she thanked him for being there with her at that time because she didn't want to be there alone. So it was so touching listening to this young man having learned this very beautiful lesson in one of the most difficult situations any of us can possibly imagine. So for me, that young man had the same spirit of meeting the world with a non-dualistic understanding. He was not separate from her, and she was not separate from him. And none of us are separate from one another either.

[20:56]

And we're not separate from this beautiful, albeit transient world. So Suzuki Roshi tells us a little bit about his own teacher, who he says was a very stubborn fellow. And as a result of bowing so often, his teacher had a big callus on his forehead, which I thought was kind of funny. Roshi then tells us that the reason that his teacher bowed so much was that he had heard his own teacher's voice scolding him for ordaining so late in life. So Suzuki Roshi's teacher ordained at the age of 30 which in Japan is pretty old for a monk. So his teacher would scold him. He called him, you late coming fellow. But in fact, the teacher really, really appreciated his student and had a great deal of respect for his sincerity in his practice. Even though he'd come late, he worked really hard in challenging his own self-centeredness.

[21:59]

So then Roshi says that his teacher, the stubborn fellow, told him that when he was young, he was like a tiger. And now at the age of 70, which to me doesn't sound terribly old, he was like a cat. He seemed very pleased to be like a cat and not like a tiger. So although we all try to make some kind of improvement in ourselves as part of what we think is practice, the real point of our effort is the effort itself. that we want to make changes and we want to try hard to make changes in order to eliminate our self-centered ideas is what softens us and what brings us to peace. I think some of you may know that the word tasahara comes from an esalen word, meaning the place where the meat is dried. I think as students there, we all thought that was a perfect name for what we were doing at that monastery, but the place where the meat is being dried. And all those long hours of meditation, it seemed to explain somewhat how it was working on our self-centeredness, just drying it out.

[23:08]

And it takes a long time. Roshi then says that each vow we do expresses the four Buddhist vows. And they're the same ones that we chant at the close of each lecture. If you've gone to lectures, you've heard these many times. Beings are numberless, I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless, I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable, I vow to become it. So these vows, although familiar, always strike me with their impossibility. You know, just like that symbol for Enso Village, that some of you may have seen, the Enso is an unfinished circle. It kind of goes like that. It's really thick at the beginning, and then it thins out, and then it tapers off. It doesn't close. It's just like a gesture. And this unfinished circle is a very common thing that a Zen teacher will draw toward the end of their lives.

[24:16]

And it's a way of expressing the regret that one feels at not being able to finish the task. We couldn't finish the job. We took those vows, those four vows, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't save all the beings, and I couldn't end all the delusions, and I couldn't become the Buddha's way. It was all that feeling we all have. It was like, gosh, if I just had a few more thousand years, maybe that would help. But of course we can't complete them, no matter how many thousands of years we have. And that's not the point. As Roshi says, when we think, because something is possible, I will do it. That is not Buddhism. And even though it is impossible, we have to do it because our true nature wants us to. Wants us to promise to try, you know, to make our best effort, to do what we can, to embody and live out these vows. So before we are determined to do something like the four vows, we have some difficulty. But once we start to do it, we don't have any difficulty anymore.

[25:21]

So another good example of this teaching that is taking place right now. I've noticed during this recent move that we are making that every time Karina and I look at a pile of boxes and say out loud to each other, this isn't going to work. We cannot fit all of this stuff into our new rather smallish space. And then we feel awful and we get real cranky with each other and hopefully not with other people. We can kind of handle it with each other. We get kind of cranky, you know, don't put that there and stuff like that. But as soon as we start opening the boxes and putting the piles into bags for goodwill and begin looking for friends who need some new things, you know, that we no longer can use, we get quite happy and very busy. And the difficulty that we thought was insurmountable simply melts away. So, oh, and by the way, if you guys need anything, Will you please let me know any plates or chairs or cross-country skis, maybe?

[26:25]

Camping gears. It's amazing how many things have been hiding away in the storage locker at Green Gulch Farm. So Roshi says that the real calmness of mind doesn't happen by calming your mind. The real calmness of mind doesn't happen by calming your mind. Real calmness should be found in activity. itself. That is true calmness. And one of the reasons I like tea so much is that it's an activity that allows for calmness. Sort of the subtext of tea is calm. the kettle is quietly boiling and the guests are quiet and the whisking of the tea is the only sound you hear for a little while and the appreciations. So the whole process of doing something, doing activities in a way that's calm is the center of our practice, is the purpose for our practice, is to bring it to life, bring it into what we do.

[27:26]

So he ends his talk with his famous and often repeated teaching about practicing taking time He says there is no rapid, extraordinary progress in our practice. It's not like taking a shower knowing that you're going to get all wet, but it's more like walking in the fog. And when you get wet in the fog, it's very difficult to dry yourself. So there's no need to worry about progress in your practice. Just to be sincere and make our full effort in each moment is enough. There is no nirvana outside. of our practice. So that's what I have to offer this evening. And I would be deeply grateful for any and all of you to say some things, offer some of your own thoughts. And I'd love especially to hear something about those times perhaps that you felt wholeness or completeness.

[28:29]

Oh, Kevin, great. Hi, Kevin. Hello, Sangha. Are you this moment? At this moment, I'm quite content. How about you? Beautiful. Perfect. Almost perfect. When you brought that up, the first thing that came to mind was the first time that I went to Yosemite and I was in the valley amongst the different rock formations and mountains. It stopped being me driving through or hiking through Yosemite and it just, I don't want to say get lost in it all, but there's no boundaries between. It was a really overwhelming sense of connection and gratitude and awe and loss of thought even because there's no words for the experience and just being to melt away into it and be one with the ocean of experience as it washes you over. It was beautiful. Thank you for that. I've been there myself, and it's an amazing place.

[29:31]

I agree. Thank you, Kevin. Kokyo. Hey, you. Okay. You got it. I got it. It is easy to have calmness in an activity. It is hard to have calmness in activity, but calmness in activity is true calmness. So if you are calm during Zazen, is that an activity? It's kind of a warm-up, you know? You just kind of get in your mojo for movement. When the bell rings and then you stand up, it's like, well, that's a little challenging. I'd rather keep sitting. So to break the spell of places where you really can be more easily calm, like sitting, once you find your seat, and then the bell rings, you're like, I don't want to get up.

[30:45]

It's time to clean this temple. It's time to find the calmness in your sweeping and in your toilet cleaning and all of that. So, I mean, it's really built into temple practice, right? You know that. It's like first you enter the zendo and then you're invited to come out and show that spirit in your daily actions, actions of your life. Is a zen considered inactivity? Not mine. Yeah. So I was thinking, if you have calmness in Zazen, which sometimes I do, that is different from having, that's why you, like nirvana, is not a permanent place. Right. You can't find this calmness.

[31:47]

which I take to be nirvana, but it doesn't last. Well, you know, there is a through line between the zazen and the activity, which is you. So, you know, your basic structure of your life is free of calm or not calm. You know, we're not calm or not calm. That's not what we are. We're a fascinating collection of sensations and gestures and movement and not movement and thinking and not thinking and so on and so forth. And that, according to Buddhist teaching, that itself is the middle way between not calm and calm. There's the center, which is alive. I'm alive, which includes calm and not calm. So I'm the thread that passes through the zendo and into the soji and into... breakfast, and so on. So calm, I think sometimes we mistake it for a particular way we are, rather than, oh, it's always there, but sometimes it's been overlaid by a little bit of feeling that I'm not calm, or some other idea I have about what's going on around me.

[33:02]

But I can find the calm, that calm as opposed to not calm. I can find it if I just allow myself to settle for a little bit, take a few breaths. And then I can go back to the not calm part with more of the calm, a little more infusion of the calm part. So it's really about balancing those two things. As with all these dualistic propositions, how do you find the balance between zazen and work without eliminating one side or the other? Because both of them are basically just what you do, how you see. complete and whole. You're whole. There's nothing missing from you. And the more you include all-inclusive universe, the more you include, probably I would say the universe, you could say it's calm, but boy. You know?

[34:04]

Yes. Seems to be a lot of stuff going on in that very oceanic reality. Right. Right? Right. Yes. I wanted to say also that one time when I was sitting in an airport with a group of Zen students going from Honolulu on Oahu to on the Big Island, I had a vision of a woman who was pregnant, but pregnant with the whole world. And that was a really nice moment. And you haven't forgotten it? No. There you go. Not at all. Yeah. It's all-inclusive reality.

[35:08]

Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Soren. Busan. I like that. So, I am. Bowing hits me differently than the respect, the showing respect for something more deserving of respect than you. Bowing, particularly to other people, is... It hits me as... I'm... bringing them into my heart. It's not, do I respect them, do I not respect them? You know, is that a... So Suzuki Roshi sort of takes it in a different direction than the way it hits me.

[36:16]

He brings it back. If you notice, he often does that. He takes it over there and you go, wait a minute, and then he brings it back. Because you're bowing to Buddha. Buddha's bowing to Buddha. It's not like, you know, the one you think deserves all this respect is your small mind. How dare you? You know, that one that gets offended. Like someone said once, the best way to find your small self is when you feel insulted. How dare you? You know, that's you. That's the you that feels more respect for itself than it does for the other, right? So it's that one that we're trying to disarm or to bring down, to humiliate, but not for the sake of shaming them, but as it says in the Diamond Sutra, a line that really blew me away when I first read it, by this humiliation, you shall be liberated. Not by this great accomplishment, you know, right? This is marvelous insight.

[37:18]

It's by this humbling of yourself. Humus, humility comes from humus, earth, touching the earth, bringing yourself down as we do when we fold prostrations, bringing yourself down and getting that callus going on your forehead. Because we're so used to having promoted ourselves and our boundaries and, you know, it's really hacking into that. Not into the wonderful, joyous feeling you feel when you bow to somebody. No one's going to try to hack into that. That's great. Leave that one right where it is. Yeah. It's the people who have big egos that he's talking to, not you. No. I gotcha. Cynthia. Hey. Hey, Sensei. Hello. Maestra.

[38:19]

So I don't remember exactly what your question was, but I was thinking it had something to do with these moments when we feel equanimity. We feel like we're where we belong. And I remember that at Tassajara. And I especially loved the, well, I loved the bowing. I loved sitting in the Zendo next to people who I didn't know and feeling their energy and their presence. And then with the pandemic, as you know, I stepped away and just got busy in my life. And, phew, the world is crazy. Yes. What we do here in this sangha or my time at Green Culture, my time at Tassajara made sense. And it's really hard to carry it with you in a world that's really wild.

[39:22]

Yeah. I told you that one of my young friends calls her friends Delulu. They're delusional. Dululu. I said, that's perfect. Yes, there's a lot of that going on and we all know it and we all do it. So I would like to not pretend that I'm not doing that because I love him. Dululu. So owning my own helps me be a little softer when I see it in other people when they're upset or when they're going on and on or whatever they're doing. It's like, okay, there's mirror mirror on the wall. I can see those forces of greed, hate, and delusion, which is what we all share. We all have those forces at birth, beginningless, right? So how we work with those forces is what inspires us, inspires you, because Tassahar is a workshop for working with greed, hate, and delusion. You know, bring us your deluded, bring us your greedy, bring us your hateful, and we'll try to work it out with each other, on each other, at the expense of each other.

[40:28]

And the magic for me comes from connection. And I'm trying to think of where I get it now. Now, this is kind of, as you were asking, posing the question, I thought, where do I get any of that? And there's this moment when my students pile into my classroom, 30 of them at a time. And I greet them. And I take away their phones from them. And we put them in the phone caddy, but it's my opportunity. I connect with every single one of them. And there is a little buzz of electricity. Lovely. You know what I'm talking about? I think they're very lucky to have a teacher who connects with them. Because that's exactly what I'm hoping to do here. And I was saying to Jiryu, who I connect with, and I've been grateful to, the new abbot at Green College, I'm still waiting to find out where those connections are going to happen here.

[41:29]

And so far, you know, they haven't developed yet, but I feel that that's what I'm longing for. And I had them at Green Gulch and I said to him, I hope your connections are going well as Abed and with the students. So I totally agree with you. It's the connection. It's this, you know, it's the bowing to each other. And it happens when you bow. Yes, it does. It does. And it transcends. If I don't like someone a lot, let's just say, you know, we're having troubles or something. When you're practicing together, especially at Tassajara, where everyone bows as they walk by, it doesn't matter. I bow the same way to people I'm having a little friction with and people who I adore. You know, it's just like same bow. It cuts through those personal preferences that we have about what somebody's wearing or whether they... said something to us. So I think it's true. It's a really profound way of just showing presence, connection, respect.

[42:32]

It's really sweet. When I was at Tassajara, I remember most of the connections. In my classroom, when I see these kids and I really know them now, it's that connection. It's just your eyes meet. And I get to do it a hundred times a day. Wow. They're lucky. They're lucky. I don't remember too many of my teachers who knew how to do that. A few of them. But it was kind of rare that they actually seemed to know that we were really there. We were actually in the room with them. But I appreciate knowing that you're doing that, Cynthia. Well, you'll see more of me. I need help. Hey, help is on the way. Nice to have you joining us. It's wonderful to be here. Yeah. Lovely. Okay.

[43:33]

I'm going to go on to, I don't know how to do this anymore. You do it. She's going to do it. There we are. Great. Now I can see everybody. Oh, hello, everybody. There you are. There you are. Drew, I asked Reb about your question. Do you want to come on for a second? I asked him about your question about, what's the difference between non and not? And there are different words in Japanese. And the understanding is very similar to English. Like, I looked up non and not. So in case all of you don't remember, Drew asked about, you know, think not thinking. How do you think not thinking? And then Dogen says, non-thinking. This is the essential art of zazen. So therefore, this is a very important statement. So what I looked up with non and not is not is a negative about the next word. It's not that. Non is a qualifier.

[44:38]

There's a hyphen there. So non-thinking is connected to thinking, unlike not thinking, which is disconnected from thinking. Yeah, so non-thinking is like inclusive of thinking and not thinking. It's not not thinking and it's not thinking. It's non-thinking. So it's a way that Dogen put them together. And in Japanese, it works that way. And in English, once we get that, understand that, that's how it's supposed to work for us, too. If that makes some sense. I hope it does, Drew. A little bit, yeah. I looked it up, too. Oh, did you? Yeah. It's still a little confusing. And even in English, when would I use non grammatically? But I think I kind of get, it's subtle. It's subtle. It's subtle. I can't quite, yeah, hone in on it. But thank you very much. Appreciate that. You're welcome. I just got a notice that my computer's about to die because I forgot to plug it in.

[45:43]

So excuse me one moment. Okay. Life is so complicated. Okay. So, I'm just glancing around. I recognize almost everyone. I want to welcome, there was a new face I saw, Echo. Are you here, Echo? Anyway, I wanted to welcome Echo. Say hello. Welcome you. Oh, there you are. Hello, Echo. Welcome, welcome. I know you were here last week, too, so nice to see you again. Okay, Kokyo and Millicent, I think. Kokyo? Yeah. I just wanted to actually...

[46:47]

say to Cynthia who was just speaking about her students that I'm an after school teacher so having no curriculum I have introduced Zazen to my kids and they get into it and I've told them this is Zazen and one of my boys said to me You know, your Zazen really helped me before my test. Oh. Oh, I thought that was cool. Very cool. You know, I had a kid. I gave Zazen. Were you done? Yeah. Yeah. I had a kid. I was doing a meditation instruction for junior high and kids. And one of the little boys raised his hand. I said, how was that? Most of them were a little wiggly. One of them said... No one has ever asked me not to do anything before, and I really liked it.

[47:51]

I use that line when I'm settling the kids down. Yeah, great. You know, this is no big deal. I'm asking you to do nothing. Yeah, that's great. It's a gift. Yeah. So they're fifth graders, so they're not the babies. Yeah. Anyway, I wanted to tell Cynthia that because she deals with her kids. It sounds like the same way I try to deal with mine, like really knowing them. And I think it's easier for an after-school teacher because I have kind of looser boundaries. I don't have a curriculum. I don't have anything I really need to teach.

[48:52]

But I think it's not easier, not easier, actually, now that I think about it. It's just your approach. Little humans. Yes. Little humans. Yes. Thank you again. Sure. And I think Millicent. Hi, Fu. Hi, everyone. Welcome, welcome. Good to see you. Good to see you and everyone too. Gee, I think I'm going to have a senior moment. No, I'm not. I was very moved by your description of sitting with people who were dying and the stillness that you experienced after the breathing stopped. And It seems to me that that's the stillness that's there whether we're breathing or whether we're not breathing. And it's the stillness that, and we can experience it, because I used to work as a hospital chaplain, so I've had those very solemn experiences of...

[50:14]

just sitting quietly with a person who's just died, and it's very real, that it's very, very peaceful. And your words make me think that that underlies everything, all our breathing and all our thinking and all our comings and goings, that that, that that stillness is there all the time and it's everyone everyone is sort of we're all sort of bouncing around on top of it and feeling anguished and all the rest of it and some of us are really really really terrible anguish is so great but even so I think that [...] stillness is always there.

[51:20]

I felt a bit sad about it, but I was doing an exercise with a group on metapractice, you know, the classical metapractice, and we were asked to imagine, to bring to mind one that we feel completely at one with peaceful, loving, unchallenged, a really good relationship. And I felt a bit sad for you because what came to my mind was I have a very big tree in my garden, a liquid amber. It's probably 150 years old and it's very big. It's a wonderful presence in my garden. garden, and that's what came to my mind when we had to do Mexican practice. And I felt sad afterwards, you know, that I didn't have a loved one.

[52:25]

But I thought, no, no, that tree is, it's got that still. It's still, if that makes sense. Yes. That's it. Thank you. Thank you so much for I think you're talking about what's really real underneath all the bouncing around. Yeah, I think that's what we really want to know, what we want to, you know. Bouncing is fine. We can't stop bouncing. But that knowing the stillness is there and always there and was there before. I often, when I'm thinking about, you know, dying, which is getting closer all the time, as it is for all of us. Past a certain age, we think about it more. It doesn't seem as remote as it used to. But I often remember thinking to myself, well, I was fine before I was born, and I think I'll be fine after I'm no longer here. So, you know, that kind of stillness and silence and darkness that sometimes we humans experience it fearfully.

[53:31]

I feel it's more and more comforting, like great trees, you know, the night sky. The vastness seems to be becoming more and more comforting. in terms of the limitations of my human life, you know? It's like, that surprises me. So, and also just to mention that Reb was telling me about the conversation they had in class, the class I do with him a couple days ago I had to miss, and he said that one of the things it says in this text we're reading is that the whole world is described in these two characters, which includes trees and Tribes of Creatures. So trees and tribes of creatures. And I thought, well, there you are. That's what they use to describe the world. So you're not off at all to feel that that tree is a great companion and completes the tribe of creatures and needs the trees. It does.

[54:32]

Yes, that's wonderful. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome. Raku on, and I saw Rakudo also. Oh, hi. Rakudo. What does that mean, Michael, Rakudo? Raku... way something? Raku way. It means wondrous way. Wondrous way. Raku is wondrous. That's very nice. Nice name. I had a very... close friend that I spent the last moments of her life with her in ICU room. And when she died, it was just the two of us in the room.

[55:38]

As a matter of fact, I was holding her in my arms. And I felt that her life, she let go. And who was that? moment of profound stillness. And then there's this anguish and grief that I've never felt before will well up inside of me. And I just wail. I suspect that they heard me throughout the unit.

[57:02]

And in retrospect, I feel uncomfortable with that reaction. in that moment. And, um, you know, I'm still carrying it with me and I'm, uh, continually troubled by it. Uh, so I don't know. I just wanted to share that. Um, I think it was perhaps some part of it was just the anger of losing her.

[58:11]

Yeah. It's so understandable, Michael. I mean, I think I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself. I can't imagine... wishing you didn't do that. I would understand it completely if I heard that cry, you know. I can feel it in my own body at the losses of loved ones, you know, running through us. I think we do want to scream to the heavens, cry to the heavens, you know. It's such an appropriate response. I can't make you not feel that way that you feel. Of course I can, but just to join you and... I'm not going to give up that option with the people I love. And so thank you for telling us. Really appreciate it. Thank you. I wanted to thank Rakudu for sharing that.

[59:34]

And I think I joined you as well. I remember it reminded me of a story you told me of the... the Zen master beating the drum outside of the temple. I don't know if you'd like to share it. I can do my best. As I remember it, the Zen master was beating the drum, crying in front of the temple because his wife had just died. And when his students had come up and asked, well, why are you doing this? Why are you crying? If you know of emptiness and of oneness, of this illusion, and the Zen master had responded, well, it is an illusion, but it's a very sad illusion.

[60:35]

So that was very powerful. To remember that practice of the middle way, right? It's very easy falling to one side or the other, but to always remember that I think I would be in that wailing state and have been before. So I appreciate you sharing that. And thank you to Fu as well for sharing that story with me. I wanted to ask on Drew's question of to think not thinking with the practice of non-thinking. it'd be a correct understanding or right understanding that that is what Suzuki Roshi is teaching us with keeping our front door and back door open, allowing the thoughts to come in and out, but maybe not serving them tea. Yeah, I think all these teachings are pointing to that delusion.

[61:42]

That's the first sentence that Buddha gives in his first sermon, you know, avoid the extremes. Avoid the extremes of it is or it isn't. Thinking or not thinking. Right or wrong. We humans are very well skilled at extremes, views. Picking a side. And you listen to the teachings, often they're like, you know, stop picking and choosing. Stop saying that. I like that other story about the Deaconaca, the skeptic, who meets the Buddha on the road and says to him... No, not on the road. He meets him in a debate or in a conversation about views, holding views. And the Buddha's made his non-duality statement. And Dikanaka says, this view, my view, Lord Buddha, is that I hold no views for or against anything. And the Buddha says to him, this view of yours, that you hold no views for or against anything, do you have a view about that?

[62:45]

So we got to watch ourselves carefully, right? Because we're so smart. We think we can get away with, you know, declaring something, ourselves free of being DeLulu. But in fact, I think just assume you are. I like the idea of this. I love the suggestion that we're the small mind sangha, you know. I think that we don't forget our roots and our aspirations, that they're always connected. The great tree of awakening comes from these little roots of delusion. So we're kind of rooted. We're well rooted. And we wouldn't want to be otherwise. I don't want to be not learning or not being called on things that I say, even though that wasn't right. But that's what we're here for. So thank you for both of those sharing that story. just appearing. Thank you for appearing.

[63:48]

How do we do that? Sometimes I feel that same way. Zazen period ends and the whole universe is created right there. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that special? I also wanted to share a similar sentiment and how powerful and challenging bowing was to me. for such a long time and what it really felt like a powerful practice for me to, in my practice, it was, well, what, what are people are going to see me? What are you going to think of me? Right. What, and it was really powerful at meeting that resistance and, and understanding, well, why am I thinking these thoughts and, and what is it that causes that resistance and really allowing you to face the self that, that you've created and saying, is there anything really created? What is there, right?

[64:49]

Who am I worried about? Yeah, exactly. Karina's favorite koan is the one that includes, who do you put your makeup on for? Or for whom do you put on your makeup? Well, that's a good one. Who are we decorating ourselves for, you know? That's a great question. Thank you so much, Fu, and thank you, Sangha. Thank you, Kakuan. All righty. Maybe, oh, hi, Drew. Yeah, I heard a story, or read a story, I think it was in Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, about a Zen master who's, I guess it was traditional for a parent to live at the Zen Center. back then, and she died, and he was kind of weeping and wailing all night long, and the students were getting upset, and they went to the head monk and said, what's up with this, you know, the whole thing, emptiness.

[65:53]

I don't know if everyone else is moving. I think it's just Drew that's cut out for a moment. Is Drew frozen for the rest of you? Yes. Yeah. Drew, you can't hear us, I bet. Drew? Oh, no. Well, maybe he'll come back. I think his connection cut out on him. Huh? What? Echo? Okay, please. Hello. Hello. I so appreciate being here. Today is my second time. I'm Zooming in from Louisiana. Welcome. Thank you. I was thinking about non and not. I always understand it. Well, I hope Drew comes back. Anyway, one is without the absent of existing.

[67:05]

And one is to... For none and not. One is the absence of being here, being there, thinking, the absence of thinking. And the other one is the... To push thinking away, to... Yes. To deny the thinking or to... damn myself if i caught myself thinking kind of and something that i've been churning on is not knowing uh comes from the uh fairly popular code and the punchline is not knowing is most intimate the version that we're familiar with uh it feels like you know uh The intimate would be the absence of knowing.

[68:10]

Instead of... Because we usually say... Well, I sometimes say, gosh, I don't want to know. Yeah. Which is not true. I am curious. I do want to know. But when I say I don't want to know, the feeling is more like... There's this sense of responsibility that's connected to it. Like if I know I have to do something. So I claim that I don't want to know, which is not true, but it's a convenient excuse. Yeah. Yeah. Get you out of stuff. Gee, I don't know. Go ask him or them. Right. Right, right. That's good. I appreciate both of those things you shared. They're all turning.

[69:14]

You know, all of these things help our minds to kind of, it kind of greases the wheel of our minds, that pivot between we want it to be either one or the other. It's really hard for us to hold it as being, well, there are just two sides of the coin or two sides of the earth, you know. We're not separate. We're not separate. We're all on this planet. right together but we keep splitting things into hemispheres and countries and all kinds of crazy stuff so i think this is great exercise for us to keep working these these questions about dualistic language not and that's a good one what does that mean beautiful now you say it's uh greasing the wheel grease the wheel yeah yeah yeah it's a beautiful way of illustrate it yeah yeah Thank you. You're welcome. And again, welcome, welcome. Thank you. I wish I'll be back here again. Oh, hope so. I hope so. Please do. All right.

[70:16]

I think that may be... Oh, there, Drew, you came back. You missed. You were the star pupil. People were wanting to help you, and you disappeared. Now you're muted. I was thinking about not and the non. Maybe non is more in the spirit of not thinking about the thinking. Yeah. Just the thoughts don't attach, in other words. Exactly. Exactly. The other thing the Reb says is like you're not bothered by your thinking. You're not caught by it. You're not in that state of, you know, holding views and punching people with them and all of that. It's just like, okay, that's what I was thinking. It's just already gone. I don't have to worry about it anymore. Yeah, I think it's like that, non-attachment. Non-attachment. Non-attachment. That makes no sense.

[71:18]

Great. Thank you. All righty. Okay, all of you. Talk with your boxes, Fu. Let me know if you need anything. I'll pay for the shipping. All right. Well, you all take care. Have a wonderful week. I'll hopefully see you again in seven days. And I hope everything goes well for you all. Thank you so much, Fu. Yes, thank you so much. Thanks, everyone. Thank you. Do you have an address at Enzo? It's my... Oh, you mean mailing address? Yes. I do. Would you like to hear it? I would. Okay. It's really hard to remember, but I'm getting there.

[72:21]

1795. And the street is called Box Heart, of all things. Boxhart, one word, drive. I'm in unit 426. Healdsburg, H-E-A-L-D-S-B-U-R-G. California, 95448. Did I get it right? I think I did. Thank you. Don't make me do it fast. I have no idea. Yeah. Okay. All right. You all be well. Thank you all. Take care. Looking forward to next time. Bye. Morning and good night. Good morning. Good morning.

[73:14]

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