This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. We wanted rain and look what we got. Did you get that fixed? One of the skylights blew off. Once Chugam Trungpa's successor, came to visit Zen Center. And somehow we got into a conversation of, it was something like this.

[01:08]

I said to him, well, I remember when we burnt the Zendo down, the Zendo burnt down, the old Zendo over there. And I said, here's the interesting thing. It was Very dangerous fire, but could have burned the whole place. Well, it was also a day that we had day-off dinner. And in the wisdom of the Tenzo, he just put the oven on low and left the casseroles in it. So the kitchen was almost burning. I mean, there was a firewall between the pine structure that was the old Zendo, and that was blazing away. 10, 20 feet high flames. And then the firewall. And then the kitchen. And we were battling. The pumps wouldn't work. Really dramatic story.

[02:09]

So we're throwing buckets of water on it. And eventually, we managed to put the firelight and save the kitchen and save the pine rooms, the stone rooms. And then we cleaned up a little bit and went and had day off dinner. Got the casseroles out, put them on the tables with red tablecloths. We were more sophisticated in those days. We had red tablecloths for day off dinner and ate our day off dinner. And he remarked on a story once where he was cooking dinner for Chogum Trungpa. And while he was cooking dinner, it was in a big old fancy house with a fireplace.

[03:12]

The fireplace caught fire. And while he was cooking, he also had to put out the fire. And so he was going back and forth. And eventually he put out the fire and dinner was cooked and Chogram Trungpa came and had his dinner and was happy. There's something very interesting, maybe completely mysterious about our practice. A very essential part of our training is do what you're doing. Do this so thoroughly that you experience non-doing in the doing. And something in that teaches us how to put out a burning zendo and also keep dinner ready to eat.

[04:19]

Or go off and repair the roof and then come back and sit down for lecture. And Jerry, as he talks about this process, or the fruits of realization, as it's called, this process of waking up, first of all, he's saying, yes, indeed. Get so close to the experience of the moment that you can see, as Dogen calls it, its constructiveness. It arises now, and it's influenced by the past. Not to parse it out and analyze it, but just to be present for that.

[05:26]

But this is a now experience. I might conjure up all sorts of associations. Like a fire that happened 10 lifetimes ago. Olsen Tenzing was a person's name. And I showed him the Zen door and he stopped at the door and he says, My knees hurt just looking at it. The joys of practice. The rigors of practice. Your knee says, Yes.

[06:30]

Somehow in this amazing process of extraordinary dedication, of confronting all that can come up in a human mind and heart, however you categorize it, of the disorders that arise in the frailty of our human being, we continue. And somewhere in that continuance, there's fruition. There's realization. And the first aspect is this seeing what we might say the true nature of what is.

[07:36]

But there's a challenge for each one of us to not just swallow the jargon that we've conjured up. It's for each one of us to chew on it, to digest it, and to make it completely our own. nature of what is it's so bland but when we're in there in the workings of our being you know it's amazing it's amazing what any one of our minds and hearts can conjure up at any moment Through doing Dokusans, I've long come to not be surprised by what an absolute mayhem Orioki is.

[08:53]

How utterly dangerous and serving Orioki is. What it can invoke, what tragedies, what bitter disputes. brushing defeats. Who'd have thought it? It looks so serene, so polished. It looks just like the true nature of what is. But then you're in the middle of it, whoa. And you go this way instead of that way. in front of the whole assembly. Crushing. But there you are.

[10:01]

It's what you asked for and you got it. You came to a Zen monastery to practice Zen and you're doing it. and you're walking the wrong way, and everybody's noticing, and you're stuck with it. You cannot disappear. Maybe you can try and act like this is what is supposed to happen. Get a little swagger in your step. You might pull it off. In the kindless, creative ways, we conjure something up in the moment. Success and failure. Fulfillment of what we want.

[11:08]

The crushing defeat of what we don't want. And how all this lingers in the background. as we enter now. This rain made me think of this poem by Mary Oliver, or part of this poem. The whole book's one poem. For how many years have you gone through the house shutting the windows while the rain was still five miles away and veering a plum-colored clouds to the north away from you? And did you not even know enough to be sorry? Were you glad those silver sheets with the occasional golden staple were sweeping on elsewhere, violent and electric and uncontrollable? And will you find yourself finally wanting to forget all enclosures, including the enclosure of the self?

[12:17]

A lonely leaf. And when you finally dash frantically to the windows and haul them open and lean out into the dark, silver night, to everything that is beyond capture shouting, I am here, I am here, now, [...] now. To let our taste of presence, to let our moments of now inspire us, encourage us, inform us. To let them stir up this mysterious alchemy of trust.

[13:23]

You know, as I was saying a few days ago, and not to look at the maneuvering of our mind with disdain, more like grandmotherly eyes, a nice grandmotherly eyes. Someone said to me, you haven't met my grandmother. The idyllic grandmother that maybe no one of us had. Those grandmotherly eyes. There's something in that steadiness inclined towards kindness and forgiveness that makes now a more attractive proposition?

[14:35]

Who hasn't set up barriers in anticipation of potential pain? Who doesn't contract when they sense danger or harm? Even if it's just saying hello to that person you don't quite like. These are the ways of the human heart. These are the ways of our psychological makeup. And can we persist? Can we taste and touch and feel a presence that alleviates the validity, the urgency of those impulses that are ingrained within us.

[15:44]

And Jerry says, yes, it is so. This is one of the fruits of practice. can illuminate and have authority. And that in some ways, the very notion of that is worthless. The direct experience of it. This is our guide. And to watch out even for those flickering moments.

[16:56]

We watch your reactiveness dissipate. Or even coming in the door and going the wrong way. You pause. So be it. Turn around. Go the other way. Where is the problem? Who said such a thing as right and wrong? On what authority does it judge me as a worthy or unworthy person? In those moments, can something register? not the commentary we wrote about it in our head, but just the direct experience of liberation.

[18:02]

When someone does something impulse to get annoyed starts to arise and it's just seen for that the impulse to get annoyed response to perception and it just floats away To let something register. To cultivate not through some grand ideas in our head but through our felt experience trust in the process of practice. Trust in the potency of presence.

[19:20]

To trust in The array of now. How it displays itself. How it reveals conditioned existence. How when that conditioned existence is seen, it shifts from being a barrier, a hindrance, to a dharma. I would say we're doing it all the time. Especially when we've settled into the process of sashi. Classically our practice says don't don't paint it

[20:26]

with the paint of a golden Buddha. Don't gussy it up into some wonderful special thing. It's just the stuff of existence. But I would add to that, in its own way, it's opening the door of liberation. Sometimes it's helpful to see the persistence of a well-rehearsed and well-repeated story. And it's helpful to let register that in a moment it can be dropped. That you can turn on your heel

[21:29]

and walk the other way and painful defeat has gone. Nothing special is happening. Young Shan says to the monk, this is the stage of trust. Can you put yourself in the middle of what is? It's Mary Oliver so wonderfully paints.

[22:30]

Oh, we got a little leak right here. Maybe later. Yeah, let's do that. This is what we wished for. Let it rain.

[23:42]

And then both Zhuri and Yongshan add something. Maybe they're not adding something. Maybe they're just filling out the proposition. Yongshan fills it out like this. He says, this is good for the stage of faith. And I just want to say, this is pretty darn good. Let's not fool ourselves. Being present. Samadhi is continuous presence, continuous contact with what's happening. That's no small feat. We bring a diligence, a discipline, a dedication to that.

[25:02]

Let's not fool ourselves. Tossing around ideas, that's fairly easy. But when it comes down to it, it takes everything we've got. And then some more. This is how we chant Kan Zayon. We get to a place where we're giving it everything we've got, and then we go beyond. We can be resentful at practice as Saravas. We can be afraid. We can doubt our own ability. We can resent whoever we think is pushing us in that direction. But our tastes of liberation, they will draw us into an appreciation, a gratitude, a trust.

[26:24]

This is right for the stage of faith, the stage of trust, but not yet right for the stage of person. And then he goes on, and the monk says, don't you have any other particular way of guidance Yangshan says, you get one mystery. Dogen says, the mystery of mystery is giving and receiving. If all this is illusory, you can't hear? Well, guess what? We've got a mechanical device.

[27:35]

I think that's... Just stay there until we get what we're... Is that too loud? How's that? Good? Good. So I'll go back to the very start of just those last couple of sentences. Dogen said, the mystery of mystery in a strange fascicle. The fascicle is called... realizing the dream within the dream, the mystery of mystery is giving and receiving. How in this mere construct, this mere perception, this karmic formulation filled with all its biases, how is it

[28:59]

that this noble quality of giving, this grateful quality of receiving can happen. This is the mystery. But here Yongshan is pointing at, and this also comes up in Zhuri's comments, he said, if you just stay in this stillness, this unconstructed stillness of now. Beautiful as it is, something about integrating into the karmic world. You know, he says, well, this is the way of the Pratyeka Buddha. This is the way of singular awakening. And I would say, to the degree to which we stay within the singularity of presence, it becomes fraught with danger.

[30:22]

It can become a way in which you can separate from, you can escape from the complexities and challenges of existence. Maybe it's fortunate that we're not great accomplished jhana masters and mistresses. And we're constantly asked by our consciousness to meet this. Okay, now deal with this. Now deal with this. Now hold this in awareness. This thought, this memory, this feeling. This twinge of tightening in the body. How are they met with awareness?

[31:24]

As life provokes within you the multiplicity of your being. How do you meet each aspect of it with awareness? This too is just constructed existence. This attitude, this hesitancy, this disposition of preoccupation, In several of the meditation texts they say that windy, stormy conditions tend the mind towards windy, stormy conditions. The complexity of the sand.

[32:32]

This is our world. If we just find a way to separate, to insulate, something is not discovered. Something is not realized. There's a certain muscle that's not used. This muscle of opening up to the arising of pleasant and unpleasant in a human life. To watching yourself grasp or reject. And with humility and patience, touching that, opening that, making contact with that, experiencing that. discovering this too is a Dharma gate.

[33:49]

In one way we could say the realm of trust keeps growing rather than it be this serene moment when you were calm, present, open-hearted. unperturbed by all being. I mean, those moments are wonderful. Often they bring us back to our cushion with enthusiasm. But whether we like it or not, our human life has a lot of other moments. And Zhuri says, this is the cultivation of the Bodhisattva. This opening to these myriad moments, our own and other people's.

[34:56]

Those terrible other people. And we can't live without it. So Yang Shan says to the monk, This is not the way of personhood, just to stay insulated, just to retreat to your quiet presence. And the monk says, don't you have any other particular way of guidance? I mean, is that the whole of the practice? I mean, is it just... powerful question. To say that I don't have anything particular or not would not be accurate.

[35:59]

The heart of Zen practice is this process of presence. It's all about that. As Suzuki Roshi said, if we lost this place, Tassahara, and went to another mountain, we'd make up the forms that work there. We'd do exactly the same practice, but the style, the forms, would adapt. When we sit zazen, we're doing the practice. When we serve or yoke, we'll be doing the practice. When we're chanting and bowing, we're doing the practice. And that same practice, hopefully, we discover takes endless forms.

[37:06]

I went for a walk with Mel once, and we were leaving Page Street, City Center on Page Street. And I said, well, do you want to go the quiet way, we go up here, or do you want to go the noisy way, we go down here? And she says, oh, let's go the noisy way. The noisy way is always interesting. This giving and receiving of the bodhisattva. Willing to enter the world to participate in the commerce of being alive. That the Dharma can bloom everywhere. Through meeting each arising that we participate in, we become wider and bigger.

[38:32]

We become part of everything. Each exchange we're present for, we become part of that exchange. We become part of the person we're meeting. They become part of us. We bring our vow of presence to it. And this is how we end up with that strange notion of practicing for all beings. And Yong Shan says, it's not that I'm saying, here's the ABC of practice. Do exactly like this. He's saying, The process of practice doesn't change. The shape, the form it takes, maybe we could say it takes a different expression in every single being.

[39:41]

Each of us hears the Dharma and hopefully chooses it and digests it in our own way. She says, it's not exactly to say It's not exactly accurate to have a teaching. But based on your own insight, you get one mystery. You get the mystery of mysteries. When we touch and taste presence, It's amazing. The body softens, enlightens, and is filled with positive experience, sukha. The mind opens in rejoice, pity, joy.

[40:46]

The deep yearning and sense of lacking dissipates. the agitations, distresses, and fears fall away. And then the impulse arises, okay, can I go back to me now? What is so interesting about the karmic world? mystery of mysteries. And in this karmic world, we can give and receive. We can meet the moment.

[41:50]

We can open to the moment. And as Dogen says, when the moment comes forward and affirms what is, that's awakening. says you get one mystery you can take your seat and wear your robe you practice with it that's what you do now go and see for yourself Yesterday, when I was reading the Buddhist meditation manual by Zhuri, I was thinking of Tendai Buddhism.

[42:58]

I read an article once that said, in Tendai Buddhism, there is a practice that was put together in the formation of Tendai Buddhism. And over the 1,200 or so years, only 50 people have been able to complete that practice. That's how fierce it is. Often in their sashims, for the last three days, Not only do you not sleep, you don't eat and you don't drink. Not to say that's the only way.

[44:11]

Maybe to say that It is a great mystery that sometimes it takes horrendous effort to be what already is happening. Who makes it so difficult? And then you can turn on your heel and walk the other direction and let it all go. What a mystery this practice is. And I would add,

[45:29]

How could we not consider it a koan? Something that our mind will never figure out. That no matter how sweet and wonderful our mental constructs are, they'll never corral it and claim it as theirs. that we sit in the midst. And as we all know by now, we've been reminded again, the energies of Shashin as they pass through our body and mind are amazing. The different states of mind, the different states of body. And yet our minds get busy conjuring up ideas, strategies.

[46:40]

Can something, can our vow, can our trust, however you want to call it, can it stay steady? can express itself in myriad ways. Can it be not only a con, but a delightful adventure in living. What things will you think and feel today? What memories will come back? What of the intimacies of Shashin will fall away in the forgetfulness?

[48:00]

And if you were to hold up and say, this needs to be remembered, not so much as an idea, but more as a guiding experience, what would that be? For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[48:57]

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