everyone, to Shou-Chen-Gi, Beginner's Mind Temple. On the day that we begin, practice period. We call it a practice, a period of intensive, more concentrated practice. So... our way of translating the word ango means peaceful abiding so welcome to a place of peaceful abiding in a world with lots of challenges lots of battles lots of warfare fear I know that many people are concerned about shaky global economy and that can have pretty painful consequences for many people.

[01:12]

So I want to encourage you to be calm and peaceful and clear-minded in the face of difficulty. One of the benefits of the practice of sitting zazen is cultivating the capacity to face what is frightening. It's always easier to be alive in the present moment, actually. whenever you notice that you have some anxiety that is a cue maybe an opportunity to remember that you're thinking about the future the unknown and it may be what you think and it may be something else but it's helpful to return to your own place, your own

[02:33]

present existence. I'm moving around a little bit. I'm delighted to be here at this place because I first sat, my first session here. I came to I came to San Francisco Zen Center a few weeks after Suzuki Roshi died. I had been sitting every day for about a year before that and I'd been in New York City and I heard that Suzuki Roshi died and made my way across the country and came here. This was in January and the Sashin was about to begin. And people said, well, since you haven't done a one-day sitting here, then you can't sit the session.

[03:42]

And I said, well, how about if I sit the first day? I had a negotiation going on. I don't think we had a tanto then, but whoever it was, I think it was Katagiri. leaving the Sashin, Katagiri Roshi. So then I sat one day and then I bargained for another day. Okay, you can always sit another day. And then after the third day they said, okay, well you can sit the rest of the Sashin. I have some fond and powerful memories of experiences here in this room, in this building. And last night I rode down from Sonoma County. I stopped at Green Gulch, picked up my rollers and various things, came in to a room that had been reserved for me here last night.

[04:53]

And this morning when I awakened, I had this funny, unusual thought. Where's my belt? I thought, well, it's kind of useful for me to have the thought. Waking up, where's my belt? And I thought, didn't I pack up my belt as usual? So I got up and I looked with my robes and it wasn't there. My obi fur and a kimono. No obi and no... rope belt for the cord belt that we use for our coromo. So, anyway. I'm realizing that I was maybe in a little bit of a hurry when I packed up my robes.

[06:05]

So, What do you do in a case like that? What do you do when you do something really stupid? Or even just a little stupid, a little forgetful. You may become more resourceful. So I looked through my things and I found two safety pins. And that got me through the morning until Jordan could loan me an Ovi. There are other belts floating around here. So here I am sitting here, but I'm just barely put together. One moment, you know, it's always a question, you know, what will happen in the next moment? So you can't depend on feeling that you have everything together.

[07:12]

You can't depend on having all your money in the bank, or under a mattress for that matter. Where do you place your true intention? Where do you actually stand? Where do you come from? So at the beginning of this practice period, I want to remind people to investigate. Each of you investigate your own true heart. Your own deepest intention. Your own deepest inner request. What is it that you... most want to base your life on, organize your life around. I think each person here, in some sense, has a deep vow.

[08:23]

You may or may not be in touch with it. One way for me of saying my own deep vow is that I want to live in accord with the totality of things. I'm going to live in good relation with everything. And that means each being and all of the elements. I want to live in good relation with the air, with the earth. with the water, and in good relation with each person that I meet. I want to live in good relation with the wonderful sounds. This alarm has been going on periodically, I don't know, at least since I woke up this morning.

[09:33]

So it means also to live in good relation with what you can't control. How do you do that? How do you live in good relation with what you can't control? Do you think that, oh, I must try to control it? It means to live in good relation with your own mind. What you can't control. I want to read a little quote from Shinri Suzuki Roshi saying that the most important thing is not to be dualistic. So this is maybe another way of saying being in good relation. So not to be dualistic means that there's a connection in your trueness. in your subject-object relationship with the world, in that relation is connection.

[10:42]

So the separation may also be regarded as connection. So he says, the most important thing is not to be dualistic. We should not lose our self-satisfied mind. That's very interesting. Self-satisfied. I think what he's saying we may say is more like self-nourished, self-fulfilled. The mind that is already originally present. The mind that you don't have to do anything about, really. You may notice various things arising within it. He goes on to say, we should not be too greedy, too demanding. Our mind should always be rich and self-content.

[11:49]

I'm transferring self, satisfied in various ways, self-contented. When our mind becomes demanding, when we become longing for something, we will violate the precepts. The precepts of not to kill, not to be immoral, not to steal, or not to lie, and so on. So these are based on our greedy mind. When our mind is self-nourished, we will keep our precepts. When we ourselves are self-content, we will keep our precepts. We will have our original mind and be true to ourselves. The most difficult thing is to keep our beginner's mind in our practice. If you can keep your beginner's mind forever, this is constant, constant beginner's mind. If you can do that, you are Buddha. In this point, our practice should be constant.

[12:54]

We should practice our way with beginner's mind, always. So, that's... Wonderful. And at the same time, maybe you may wonder how to find beginner's mind. You may think that it's something else other than the mind you have right now. You may think, oh, I wish I had beginner's mind. Where is it? as if it's some particular state. And it sounds good. You may think, oh, it should be comfortable. But what about when it's not so comfortable? Is that beginner's mind? Can that be beginner's mind? There was a young adult person many years ago who was living in a very contented

[14:04]

life in which everything was provided for him. But then when he went out and saw somebody who was sick, and went out and saw somebody who was deteriorating with age, and saw somebody who was dying, he couldn't accept what came up in him, right? This distress that came up. So how to have beginner's mind in the face of this distress that may come up? Oftentimes people would rather do something else, right? Think about something else. Move away. Avoid it. Not have to face or deal with the distress.

[15:06]

feelings of distress that come up. And in that way we tend to become rigid and tend to contract or constrict around something that we think is ourselves that we need to protect. W.H. Auden once wrote these few lines. We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die. So hard to let our illusions die. This cross of the moment, you know, he's alluding to, I think, This may be unfamiliar for a Buddhist image of the cross.

[16:12]

But being up on the cross is painful. Rather than be willing to accept the pain of our life, we would rather be ruined in our selfishness. There's a kind of ruin that is a karmic result of selfishness, of greediness. Promoting a narrow mind, a mind that is clinging to things. I think this may be part of our global difficulty now. And there is an opportunity then to turn that, to open up from that mind that is constricted and closed.

[17:18]

The beginner's mind that Suzuki Roshi is talking about is that mind that is willing to completely see just what is. So sometimes it may feel like, oh, you're on the cross. Very painful, you know, having nails driven through your hands. But it also may be painful just to have your friend not do what you want. Your friend not do what you want them to do. Not to confess to their failure when you point it out to them. That can be very painful. It can be so painful that people don't then talk to each other.

[18:22]

So sometimes the cross of the moment may be just like that. Right now I'm working with several situations of people who are having a real difficult time talking to each other. How can I get the other person to see that they're wrong? So part of sangha practice is to Now, Sangha is this community of people that we are working with. Each person in this room. So part of our Sangha practice is to appreciate that each person is making their best effort. Sometimes. In between when they aren't.

[19:28]

Making their best effort to be true. Because people, it seems to be our nature, our Buddha nature, that when we're not true, we don't really like that feeling. So when we remember all that, when we notice that we're avoiding the truth in some way, we keep coming back again and again to it. We have to resolve that somehow. And so that's a way in which we can find our ground of how to meet each other. Today we're sitting, some of us are sitting all day today. And as we sit moment by moment, breath by breath, we have this opportunity to just see what arises.

[20:34]

Just see what happens and what's going on in our busy mind. Just see what the deeper mind is, that beginner's mind is, when we're not filling up with all of our plans and all of our regrets and our fears. As we sit, we can begin to let those rest, set those aside. One way to do this act is to appreciate the body. Just to have the body, let the body sit. This body is the fruit of many, many, many lifetimes, countless lifetimes. Even to take one breath, the nourishment in that one breath

[21:41]

It is produced by many, many lifetimes. You can think of it as oxygen. You can think of it as spirit. So just a reminder, often with children, to help them get in touch with their body breath, I say do this practice of putting one hand on your belly and the other hand right in front of your nose. Like this, you can put your finger right under your nostrils. So try this and see. And then just allow yourself to breathe normally. Do you notice the one hand with your belly? Do you notice what's happening there? And then check with your hand at your nostrils. I'll be silent for a minute and let you just notice.

[22:45]

So who's breathing? Who is it that is producing this breath? So when this young person who later became the Buddha noticed there was distress and suffering and went out and sat down to study. I think wands are attracted to flame, right? I may still have some of the Tassajara fire. So you may have noticed that there's this movement in your belly.

[24:35]

Diaphragm moves up and down. The lungs fill. This is many lifetimes. Many lifetimes. So with each breath, when you're actually attuned with it, there's a sense of gratitude. Honoring all of the lifetimes. All of the breathing ancestors. The ancestors who invented breathing. the ones that came out of the ocean who started breathing in the ocean and learned how to breathe underwater quite remarkable and then all the plants that have produced the atmosphere this didn't just happen instantaneously many, many, many lifetimes

[25:55]

So I encourage you to be grateful. Simply just to receive a breath and grateful to release it. And notice then if there are ways in which you eventually interfere with it or you're not so grateful, you're not so open to it, you may not feel that you even deserve it. You may not feel that you can just freely receive it. Or when you do have it, you may feel you want to hold on to it. Thinking for a moment that it is your breath. So this then...

[27:00]

practice led Shakyamuni Buddha to discover that right in the midst of this there's this a tendency to interfere with breath itself a tendency to want to hold on to it a tendency to maybe resist it a tendency to think there may be something better. There may be something better than this body that is also decaying. And then to worry about that. And then in that is this failure to appreciate that this isn't It isn't exactly your body.

[28:05]

It's your body and it isn't exactly your body. This body is produced by many lifetimes, by many, many, many, many, many causes, many factors. And so the frustration there is then turned and it becomes understood as blessed. We call the first noble truth of suffering, we call it a noble truth. Suffering is a little this, say, even in the best of times, there may be some slight frustration. So this lessens frustration. a book that Paul Hawken wrote he borrowed from the great dancer Martha Graham for the title Blessed Unrest and here's this quote from Martha Graham there is a vitality a life force an energy a quickening that is translated through you

[29:36]

into action. And because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction. A blessed unrest that keeps us moving and makes us more alive. So this is the truth of a movement from a dancer, a dance teacher. But it's also the truth of stillness in this movement. to be willing to be present with this blessed unrest.

[30:43]

So you may feel the energy moving in you. Sometimes it can be hard to bear. Sometimes we have such a great capacity. We have such a great capacity for kindness, some great capacity for wisdom. So how is it that we sell ourselves short? That we don't fully appreciate our Beginner's mind, our Buddha mind. A thousand times a day you have the opportunity to come back from your diversions.

[31:54]

A thousand times a day. Depending on what you're doing, you may take somewhere between six and 10,000 breaths a day. If you're really active, you're waiting to double that, you know. But if you, with each breath, recognize this gift, come back into this body with your full awareness. Begin again and again New, right here. And you may think there isn't time to do that. That you have so much to do. It's very interesting that the paradox is that the more you cultivate being present right here, the more spaciousness you find.

[33:04]

giving up the idea of thinking there's some other place in being right where you are. I'd say investigate that carefully. And notice whether you can find that right here you have some sense of spaciousness. There's a tendency maybe to want to get rid of tension in your body. Well, I don't feel spacious since I have tension in my body. And then to try to push the tension away itself creates more tension. But to regard tension and accept it, that regard... With the benevolence, oh, there's tension in my body.

[34:12]

So let that be surrounded and bathed in your awareness. See if you can see the space around it. That may be that it's the entire universe. It's the tension in your body. Pretty difficult to see any space around that. Pretty difficult to believe that there is a vast mind. Pretty difficult to experience, to realize that... what you are believing is as unreliable you're believing that the whole universe is like this and you have some opposition to it or maybe you have to keep working to keep it at bay

[35:28]

So this is the practice of taking, we say, take the backward step. To actually, within yourself, step back, which opens up your angle of vision. So this is different than running away from something. You're not running away from it. We say stepping back, but it's more like stepping deeper. And you have a chance to do that every moment. There are many moments, of course, in each breath. But if you can do it, just with each breath. Then you are cultivating the mind, returning to the beginner's mind. So it's a funny thing to have, we said, beginner's mind, and then also to...

[36:36]

how can you cultivate it? So the path of practice in Buddhism includes cultivation and non-cultivation. But without cultivation, none of us would actually even be here. But if we're just cultivating, Then we begin to think, oh, that we're doing it. And then we're living in a constructed world of our own, say, limited view. So we have to cultivate and also practice stepping back and not stepping back, not even stepping back. So sometimes to step back is just right.

[37:37]

And sometimes to step back is too much. So check with your own inner wisdom. Is this a moment to step back? Is this a moment to not move at all? To not even do that? to just stop. So our zaza in practice, the rest of today, those of you who are sitting in the zendo have this opportunity to cultivate stopping the body and then noticing the mind. And then noticing the tendency to chase the mind and get involved in it or to stay still with it. And then you begin to realize that all the thoughts and feelings that arise have a field that supports them.

[38:53]

That field is, we would say, the big mind. And so you can stay right, still, present. This big mind is also ready to see whatever comes up. And is completely tuned into the experience of the body at the moment. The body includes sound. For us to hear the motorcycle going by, that means these little bones in our ears are moving. That vibration is passing completely through the room, through each of our bodies. When, if you...

[40:05]

have an opinion about it you don't like it you know if it annoys you then it can't so freely pass through your body when you when you can see things without having to just have your opinion dominate. Then you have freedom of choice. You can decide. Should I do something about this or not? What is there to do? When your friend doesn't listen to you, You can notice your own distress.

[41:12]

But then you can decide, is this something to do? Should I do something about this or not? And if it persists, you may realize that you need to find a way to do something about it. You may even need help. You may need to go to someone as a mediator, third party, and say, can you help? So that then you can be present and be free of your own opinions. So that you can listen and you can respond. So all this practice begins right here, in this present moment, in this body, in this breath. your beautiful beginner's mind. I'm looking forward to this whole practice period, the people who are signed up for us to explore.

[42:29]

It's going to be a little tricky here. I lost the pocket in my sleeve. Ah, there it is. So we're going to be every day for the next couple of months diligently attending to body, mind, moment by moment, breath by breath. Sitting Still. And then finding the stillness and dance in Martha Graham's blessed unrest. Thank you for listening.

[43:29]

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