This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. It's so wonderful to be back at Tassajara and to be here this evening with all of you. So many familiar faces and some new friends. I was reflecting that we're all here quite intentionally. You know, we didn't just happen on Tassajara. Actually, some people do drive down the road and they just kind of happen here, wondering what's at the end of the road. Sometimes they're quite surprised.

[01:00]

Often they're quite surprised by the road. But I think all of us here this evening have come here quite on purpose. And I think many of us have come because we heard or we had some sense that there was a different way of being that was available somewhere, that was different than the way that we were used to living our lives. I think I always had a kind of a felt sense of that, but I didn't even know where to begin looking. I wasn't finding it in my life around me, and I didn't even know how to begin. And then I came across a book in my early 20s by R.H. Blythe, And when I read it, I had no idea what he was talking about. But I felt on a very deep level that it was true and it made me laugh.

[02:08]

So that pointed me in a direction because it was about Zen. It was specifically about the intersection of Zen and English literature. So somehow that was kind of an in, but that set me off on a search. But I really, for the longest time, I imagined that there was a there that I was looking for. And if I'd heard about Tassajara then, I'm sure that I would have thought that Tassajara was a place where I could go and I would find what I was looking for. Because what I was looking for was definitely not here. It was there. So maybe some of you are also thinking that you can find... there at Tassajara, and now you're here. So are you there yet? Are we there yet? I think maybe for a lot of the guests, or if you're a student who's just arrived, it's like, oh, yeah, there is now here.

[03:15]

I'm here. I'm there. And maybe if you're a student who's been here for a little while, you're wondering, is this it? This was not the there I planned on. This is all to here. Actually, maybe yesterday for everybody because it was quite chilly. This may not have been the Tassajara that you had in mind. So I want to talk about being here and getting, how do we get here from there? So one of my favorite Dogen fascicles is Genjo Koan, and I'm so glad that we chant it, actually memorized it one practice period. I didn't even think that was possible. It's not terribly long, but it's several pages. I just didn't think I could possibly do it. But I was the head monk that practice period, and Linda Ruth Cutts, who was leading the practice period, was suggesting that people memorize it.

[04:23]

And I just kind of wrote that off like, yeah, no. And then I realized, oh, I'm the head student. Maybe I should do that. So I did. And it's wonderful to have something that available to you. So if there's anything, whether it's a poem or a sutra or whatever it is, if you take the time to commit it to memory, you'll always have it. Apparently in... In Greece, I think, a long time ago when they were first starting to have written language, they thought it was terrible. It was a newfangled invention. And if people could read things, they wouldn't memorize it, and then it wouldn't be truly theirs. And I love that idea that writing things down would be kind of diminishing everything. So this is from Genjo Koan, this is rather toward the end.

[05:25]

When you find your place where you are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. When you find your way at this moment, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. For the place, the way, is neither large nor small, neither yours nor others'. The place, the way, has not carried over from the past, and it is not merely arising now. So when you find your place where you are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. So being here, being fully present, is right at the heart of Zen practice. to be aware, to recognize. As the Buddha said again and again, clearly observe, be present with.

[06:31]

So that sounds really simple, like we're always noticing things, we're always aware of things. So what does that mean, to clearly observe, to pay attention? And why is it so important? We often don't notice a lot. We're often engaged in not noticing a lot. Things that are uncomfortable, things that are difficult. So to pay close attention does a lot of things. And there are so many teachings on it, just this is it. One of my favorite ones is a student asks the teacher, sort of, what's the most important thing? And the teacher was doing calligraphy and he wrote attention in kanji. And he said, well, what else? And then he wrote it three times. Attention, attention, attention.

[07:34]

So what is that drawing our attention to? Why pay attention? Why? One of the things, one of the most simple things it can do for us is to take our minds off of ourselves, off of our ideas, off of who we think we are and what we think we're up to. And to focus our attention on the world, on other people, on what we're doing. Just to be completely present with that. Because we often have ideas about how things should be. A friend of mine calls it wanting it to be otherwise, witbo for short. And we do that a lot. It shouldn't have been cold yesterday. It should not be cold in the mornings at Tassajara. Or I should have brought warmer clothing. That would be the alternative.

[08:39]

So we do all these things with our minds that kind of get in the way of being here. And I think we can't actually enjoy, well, we can enjoy being here if things are going our way. Pretty much that's easy. Pretty much. But sometimes even when things go our way, it's hard to enjoy them. But how can we be okay when things are not going our way? So that's a big part of our practice, is finding freedom from all the ways we suffer moment after moment. So we can't figure out our practice. We can't think about it with our minds and make practice happen. We have to engage in it. So giving our attention over to the body, to the breath, to what arises, to give ourselves to that is letting go of that sense of self

[09:56]

that constricts us and gets in the way. So Dogen says, to carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion. So when we carry our idea of ourself forward, that's delusion. How I think the world should be, how I think I should be, how I think you should be. That's delusion. We're not actually seeing what's there. But that the myriad things come forth and experience themselves is awakening. So when we're just as we are, we're in harmony with all things. We take our place. We imagine, you know, there's the world and there's us, right? There's a world out there and then there's us that's separate from the world. And every one of us is doing that. So we have this delusion of separateness. And to let go of that separateness is to find our place.

[10:59]

So then it's how we're present with things. And this is so critical. Because often when we try to be present with what arises, we bring that judging mind, that comparing mind. So it doesn't mean to accept... To accept what is doesn't mean that we like it or think that that's the way it should be. It just means that we allow it to be as it is. It means that we can stand for it to be there. I can accept that you are you. When you are you, Zen is Zen. I had a very big... learning about this many years ago. I studied to be a psychologist, and it was suggested to me that I be an intern on an inpatient psychiatric unit.

[12:06]

So I did that for about a year. I learned a lot of things there, but I learned something that has really stuck with me from one of the patients that we saw a lot of. He was in and out a lot. Very chronically schizophrenic, I think in his mid-30s or something. And he really suffered with very severe mental illness for about 10 years. And when he would come on to the ward, he was very psychotic and very out of control. Very unhappy and really suffering a lot. But after about three days, they'd get him stable on meds again and he'd calm down. And as an intern, I would sometimes observe... you know, just join in on a case conference with the social worker, the psychiatrist. So one day I was sitting with the psychiatrist and this man, and she was a very sincere psychiatrist.

[13:11]

She was young and very earnest, and she was trying to make a connection with him. And so she was asking him a number of questions about his experience, not just his... She was trying to get to know him a little bit, but in a kind of a funny, awkward way. And she was asking him... One of the questions she asked was, well, what do the voices say to you? Because he heard voices all the time. It didn't matter if he was on medication or not. He just always heard voices. And he'd be walking down the hall carrying on... a lively conversation with the voices in his head, and then he'd see you and greet you, and it was like he was carrying this with him all the time. And he looked at her and he said, you know, the voices have been with me for a really long time now, and I think in all that time they've said pretty much everything there is to say.

[14:13]

And then she didn't know quite how to respond to this. And so she asked him some more questions. And then he just stopped and he looked at her with this very kindly expression. And he said, you know, it's okay being me. I was like, wow. At that time in my life, I didn't think it was okay being me. And I think a lot of us carry that around at some time or another, at some weight or another. I thought, how did he get to be at that much peace with himself? That he could say, locked up on a psych unit, hearing voices all the time, you know, it's okay being me. And he was letting the doctor know, you don't have to pity me. You don't have to feel sorry for me. I'm okay. You had a hard life, but it was okay.

[15:26]

So how do we relate to our experience in a way that doesn't create extra suffering? There's plenty of pain in our lives, in the world. Lots of pain in the world. So how do we relate in a way that doesn't create more suffering? So I have another story and this one's from the Buddha. I shared this with a couple people at dinner last night. So there was a man, he was not a monk. He was, I don't know, he had some kind of business and he'd heard about the Buddha and he had some questions for the Buddha. So he went to meet the Buddha, and when he found him, he said, so I hear you're a great teacher, and I have some questions for you. The Buddha said, all right. He said, so I'm having trouble with my business. Can you help me with my business? And the Buddha said, no, I'm sorry, I can't help you with your business. And I said, huh, well, my wife is giving me a lot of trouble.

[16:39]

Can you help me with my wife troubles? And the Buddha said, nope, I can't help you with that either. And the man said, oh, what kind of a sage are you? And he got up to go and he said, well, is there any kind of suffering that you can help me with? And the Buddha said, well, you know, there's 80 different kinds of suffering in the world and 79 of them I can do nothing to help you with. The man was like, ugh. And then they turned back around and said, well, what's the 80th one? He said, well, how do you deal with the 79? That's really all practice is good for. We say it's good for nothing. It's actually good for that. It will allow you to meet whatever arises in your life. And being able to meet what arises... in our life, which means in our experience.

[17:43]

It's not just the outside stuff. It's how that impacts us. It's not that we don't respond, but how do we meet our response? How do we meet our reaction? How do we meet this self that we wake up with day after day? It's always changing, and yet wherever I go, there I am. So we can become a naturalist of our own experience. And part of being a naturalist is something that, especially in Western culture, we don't do so easily. And that's to leave ourselves alone, to leave ourselves profoundly alone. We tend to want to fix things. and manipulate it and control it, ourselves, our environment, other people, how we think, what we do, are we okay the way we are.

[18:50]

There's a lot of effort to get it right. But a naturalist, if you were a naturalist and you came to Tassajara, you just want to observe how things were. The whole point of being a naturalist is that you don't mess with it. What's actually happening here? What's going on? You know, this bird is coming out. I mean, even if you saw, like, the cat trying to eat the bird, you'd be like, oh, what's happening? That's if you're in your naturalist self. You might choose to do something for another reason. But from the point of view of a naturalist, you're just there. You're just witnessing. You're just observing. So to have the capacity... whether or not what you choose to do with it is something else but to have the capacity to just see what's there all those little subtle tendrils of our experience the ones that we think should be some other way I think it's different for everybody you know what we think should be there and what we think shouldn't be there some people think they should be louder some people think they should be quieter

[20:07]

we have these ideas and the ideas get in the way you know it's like this thicket that we can't quite see through and part of being a naturalist of our own experience is to have a very soft mind a mind of compassion and a mind of kindness because Not infrequently, what arises when we take the time to turn inward is that there's some pain and suffering there. So if we can just let that be there, we don't have to be afraid of it. And when we're not afraid of it, we don't have to make ideas about it. It's just an experience. Like when we can sit with the pain in our knees, it's just a sensation. It may be intense, but it's not overwhelming.

[21:16]

To be not overwhelmed by our life, by whatever happens in it. To be kind to ourselves, to be kind to others. is to experience being part of the world as just part of the way the whole functions. And we just come at it from the point of view of like, oh, what can I do to support this environment? And it might be something as simple as like picking up something that's out of place or taking a mug back to the coffee-tea area or you see someone trip and you catch their elbow. It's no big deal. But you're open to that and you're available to that. It's just responsive. So this non-reactivity, this capacity to just receive and meet and have some capacity for choice, I think that's a Buddhist superpower.

[22:34]

I'm serious. I really think it is. And it's rather rare. Well, we all actually, we all have it. There are things that we don't react to that other people do. Have you ever noticed? You're saying, why are you making such a big deal out of that? So we know how to be non-reactive to a lot of things. But there's some we get caught by. And that's where the juice is. That's where we get to practice. And that's where we get to wake up. when we can turn toward that, there's a whole world in there that we haven't been able to access. And that's a lot of where our heart is, and that's a lot of where our connection to other beings is. You can get very tender in that area, very loving, because we know how to be with our own suffering. We can be with anyone else's. because human emotions come in so many flavors, but the basic feelings are the same for everyone.

[23:45]

We love, we're afraid, we get mad. So to be able to tolerate that range wakes us up to each other and to the world. I used to puzzle about what the connection was between wisdom and compassion. You know, these are considered to be the two wings of a bird in practice, and you need both wisdom and compassion, the emptiness side, the non-duality, and the compassion, the heart side. And lately I've come to see in practice how those two are so deeply intertwined. when I don't have to push away anything in my experience or anyone, when I can be present, there's non-separation.

[24:48]

I'm not separating self from other. And in that dissolving, I can actually see the whole field of interdependence. It's alive in that moment. It's not an idea. It's an embodied experience. When you find your place where you are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. When you find your way at this moment, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. Here is the place. Here the way unfolds. we have time for a few questions or not.

[26:05]

Maybe that's just enough. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

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