This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. See this suture cloth? This is the sutra cloth that was wrapped around the Lotus Sutra that stayed on our offering table all summer. It smells so good. It smells like devotion. I'm so happy to be here.

[01:04]

I'm so happy to be practicing with all of you. In this practice period, this ango, peaceful abiding in this valley, this is the first practice period I've done at Tassajara since 2005. It's been five years. since I was in practice period here. And I confess, I somewhat had forgotten a bit of, to my delight, actually, because I'm just falling in love with Tassajara all over again. The changing of the season starts to get cold enough that People get out their fuzzy hats and their hot water bottles. Then it warms up again.

[02:09]

It's so beautiful. The colors of the leaves. But you should always remember, whether it's hot or cold, it's always a dry climate here. Stay hydrated. My talk is just to share my appreciation for this practice with you and hopefully encourage you in your practice. That's all I ever want to do when I sit in this seat and give a talk. I would like to start by thanking and acknowledging my teacher, Sojin Mellweisman Roshi, the abbot of Berkeley Zen Center, my inspiration.

[03:18]

And I would also like to thank Tenshin Roshi, Rabbi Anderson. Thank him for leading this practice period, which for me is marked by energy and really sincere effort. I see everybody's sincere effort. And I'm very grateful for Tanchi Muroshi's leadership. And I'm also very grateful for the leadership of Arshuso, her strong, steady, kind leadership. Definitely. I, before the beginning of our first session, not too long ago, I had a tailgate meeting with the construction crew.

[04:25]

So, you know, there's people coming and going, building this big new retreat center here out. by Grasshopper Flats, and sometimes there's more or less people, but it's a big project. Thanks to the beneficence of our donors, this amazing thing is being built. So, I had a tailgate meeting. You know what that is? on the job site where you just say, okay, everybody, gather around. You know, brief meeting might be about safety or something. You have just like a brief meeting with the crew. That's called a tailgate meeting. You know, beverages may be involved. And I didn't want to take up much of their time because they're busy building this retreat center, but I wanted to talk about Sashin and the care and feeding of Zen students.

[05:36]

And it was kind of a safety meeting in that regard. And I kind of blurted out to them, you know, we're so lucky in this practice period to have one of the greatest living Zen masters leading us. I was like, wow, that's interesting. But I do believe that. Actually, working with Tenshin Roshi, is a big encouragement for me not to fall into comparing mind. Because if I fall into comparing mind, then I might just start to feel small, like an insect, very small, like an insect. There's a story in our lineage about Shurto, and his disciple Yaoshan.

[06:41]

At the beginning of Tang Dynasty, what we call the classical period of Zen, the golden age of Zen, there were these two great teachers, actually, who were said to divide the world of Zen between them, Shurto and Matsu. There was a saying, you know, that they divided the world of Zen between them, kind of like melon rap. No, I'm just kidding. Not really. But, you know, make a long story short, because this isn't the story I want to bring forward, actually. But Shurtou and Yaoshan, you know, were having maybe a little bit of an impasse in their training together, in Yaoshan's training with Shurtou. So he said, you know, why don't you go talk to Matsu? So he did that, he got a referral, he went and talked to Matsu, and Matsu, long story short, straightened out his business, and Yaoshan said, oh, now I get it.

[07:49]

And Matsu said, what do you get? You get what? And Yaoshan said, when I was with Shuto, I was like a mosquito biting an iron bull. I know that feeling. And although it's not in the story, I like to think that, I mean, Yao Shan did go back and continue training with Shi Tou, and I like to think that when he went back and continued his training with Shi Tou, that he was able to meet him in the place where Revering Buddhas and ancestors, we are one Buddha and one ancestor. Awakening Bodhi mind, we are one Bodhi mind. In this place, which is the place where mind-to-mind transmission occurs, which is kind of a lead-in to what I want to talk about.

[09:01]

Guess what? I want to talk about intimacy. I've been, you know, I was thinking the other day that I've just been swimming in Tenshin Roshi's teachings. And then I thought, swimming? No, I've been cavorting and frolicking like a sea otter. I've just been so happy with these teachings. yeah, I've been thinking a lot or not thinking a lot about this business under the patch road, this intimacy, this practice of intimacy that's going on here now in this valley. And the case I wanted to bring forward, I was like, I wonder if anyone's going to talk about this, but no one has so far, so...

[10:08]

I guess I get to. This is case 98 in the Book of Serenity. Dengshan's always close. So Dengshan, as you probably know, kind of considered the founder of this school of Zen, the Soto school. Tozan ryokai in Japanese. So he's the To in Soto. And he was the founder of this school. And here's the case. A monk asked Dungshan, among the three Buddha bodies, which one does not fall into any category? Dungshan said, I am always close to this. You want to hear it again? Okay. A monk is just a monk. Sometimes I can't remember these stories and I say a monk, even though there's a name in there.

[11:13]

But in this case, it's actually just a monk. A monk, anonymous monk, asked Dungshan, among the three Buddha bodies, which one does not fall into any category? And Dungshan said, I am always close to this. So... The three Buddha bodies, you may know, we've been talking about the three Buddha bodies somewhat in this practice period. Kaya means body. Dharmakaya, sambhogakaya, and nirmanakaya. That's what the monk is talking about. He's referring to these three Buddha bodies, the bodies of teaching, which, you know, There are explanations for, and you can read all about, and definitely study in the Samadhi Nirmarajana Sutra.

[12:18]

Actually, Wansong, who compiled the Book of Serenity, in his commentary, the first thing he says is, in the original record, the question is, among the three Buddha bodies, which one expounds the Dharma? And Dungshan said, I am always close to this. And that's right, I looked it up. The version in the Record of Dungshan is among the three bodies, which one expounds the Dharma. And that's also the version that shows up in Dogen's personal collection of koans. So you might think, well, hey, I've been studying the Sambhi Nirmachana Sutra. I think I know this one. I think it's... It's the Nirmachana, right? Maybe? And, you know, Dongshan probably... I think he was a very smart person.

[13:24]

And I think he probably could have given some kind of metaphysical answer to this metaphysical question. But... I also think that Dongshan was smart enough to not go there. His response was, I'm always close to this. Well, always close to what? To the question? Maybe. I'm always close to this. I'm always close to this. I'm always close to this. Another translation I saw said, I'm always sincere here and now. I'm always close. That's the name in the koan.

[14:27]

Dungshan's always close. So, you know, he didn't give the monk... an intellectual answer to his intellectual question. He gave him a teaching. One commentary in the version where it says, among the three bodies, which one expounds the Dharma? Somebody commented, the monk missed the one expounding the Dharma. Dungshan was right there. I'm always close to this. Hello? Hmm. Evidently, the same monk who was maybe something of a glutton for punishment, he also went to Dungshan's disciple, Cao Shan,

[15:33]

which is where we get the so in so-to, as a matter of fact. Even though caoshan is not the one in our lineage, in the establishment of the school, it's dung-cao or to-so, but that didn't sound so good, so they switched it around and made it cao-dong and so-to. But dung-cao came before caoshan. Dungshan's disciple, the same monk asked Cao Shan, what did Dungshan mean when he said, I'm always close to this? And Cao Shan said, if you want my head, just cut it off and take it. It's comedy gold. Right? If you want my head, just cut it off and take it.

[16:35]

Come on. Jeez. Get a clue. I'm always close to this. What does this mean? You know, for some reason, I was thinking about When I came in on October 17th, I got a ride with one of the construction workers all the way from the Bay Area, fortunately, in his truck. Tanner is one of the guys who's been on the crew. He said it was okay if I talked about his truck. The thing is, As we were driving in, he's got a decent, I don't know what, maybe it's a one and a half ton, two ton, I'm not sure, old Dodge diesel, which he's converted to biodiesel and then also converted to run on just a straight vegetable oil.

[17:52]

And he did the conversion himself and he's actually done very extensive work on this truck and He was telling me all about it and I was actually genuinely interested in the work he'd done on it and also encouraged him to talk about it because I really enjoyed hearing him talk about his truck and the work he'd done on it. He wasn't prideful, but he was just explaining what he'd done, sharing his interest, sharing his appreciation. for, you know, this working on this old truck and getting it into the best possible shape and, you know, fitting it out to do the work that he needs it to do for, you know, it's just a working truck, to be sure. And I just really appreciated the way he talked about it.

[18:57]

He's very intimate with his truck. He knew all the little ins and outs, and I really enjoyed hearing him talk about it. We were coming down to Lorella's grade, and he said, okay, I just want you to know that if we go much faster down this downhill, down this steep of a grade, we go much faster than we're going right now, the front end, might start to shimmy because of such and such a barrier. He understood precisely why that might happen. He was just explaining, this might happen, and I don't want you to be alarmed. I was like, I'm so not alarmed. That's pretty cool. He knows. And I was thinking also, I'm just like that. I'm 54. I'm thinking if I go much faster, downhill, down this steep of grade,

[20:02]

My front end might start to shimmy. And it's okay. You know, just like I was okay with that truck. You know, it's like, yeah, sure. All right, I get it. And actually, that's the way I want to practice. I don't want to trade in this body for a better body. I want to practice in this body. Same as Tanner doesn't want to trade his truck in for a better truck. I mean, he may do someday, but he's really content with the truck he's working with. And I want to be content with what I'm working with, all the causes and conditions I'm working with. Stay close to that. Not try to trade it in on something better. Trade it in for some idea of... Enlightenment.

[21:07]

Some notion of what sincere practice ought to look like. I want to stay close. I want to stay close to this. I think that could be the motto of our school. I mean, Dongshan said it, so why not? I'm always close to this. I hope you have some big enlightenment experience. Probably you already have. And, you know, after you have your big enlightenment experience, throw it away. Throw it away. Discard it. And stay close to this. Stay close to this. Whatever's happening. Happy, sad. Ow, it hurts. Oh, it feels good. Just stay close to this. Beautiful calligraphy over the altar in the kitchen says, men mitsu no kafu, which could also be, I think sort of is, the motto of this school.

[22:28]

Taking intimate care of our family tradition, our family way. Kafu actually means house wind, house breeze or unique breeze of this house. And it means our family tradition. Taking care of that, taking intimate care of that, staying close to our practice, staying close to our intention. So, Tiantong Hongzhi, who was quite a poet, quite a poet. Actually, Book of Serenity was Tiantong's personal collection of koans.

[23:33]

And he was a Soto Zen master, a very famous one. and he wrote a poem for each story, 100 of them. And then later on, his disciple Wansong compiled it into what we know as the Book of Serenity, the Shouyou Roku. Not the Shouyou Roku, that would be the Book of Soy Sauce. But the Book of Serenity, the Shouyou Roku. So originally it was just the... story and Tiantong's little poem for each one. So here's Tiantong's verse. Not entering the world, not following conditions. In the emptiness of the pot of ages, there's a family tradition.

[24:34]

White duckweeds breeze gentle Evening on an autumn river An ancient embankment The boat returns A single stretch of haze I love that poem. It gives me such a warm feeling. I hesitate to do this, but I want to share that something came up for me, reading the last line, in ancient embankment, the boat returns. This is an image in Zen poetry and stories about the empty boat.

[25:39]

he doesn't actually say empty boat but the empty boat that returns by itself there's no oarsman or oarswoman either there's nothing steering the boat but the boat returns and that gives me is that we can trust this process. We can trust this practice. And very oddly, to my great surprise, it also brought up something from the Samadhi Nirmajana Sutra.

[26:40]

I was so surprised. Out of chapter 10, the questions of Manjushri. Manjushri asks Bhagavan, if the Dharmakaya of Tathagadas is free from all manifest activity, in that case, how could there be mental factors in the absence of manifest activity? So I'm not presuming to expound the Samadhi Nirmachana Sutra, but I just want to say... This resonated with my heart in this verse. The Buddha says, Manjushri, this is due to the previous manifest activity of cultivating method and wisdom. Manjushri, for example, even though during mindless sleep there is no manifest activity for awakening, due to the force of former manifest activity, one will awaken.

[27:41]

Even though absorbed in cessation, there is no manifest activity for rising from absorption. Due to the force of former manifest activity, one will rise. Just as the mind emerges from sleep and absorption in cessation, know that the Tathagata's mental factors come from the previous manifest activity of cultivating method and wisdom. Wow. So that's a lot. But another way to say that, might be the boat returns. And you can trust it. It's kind of a scary notion. And I'm not talking about words in books here.

[28:44]

I really had a lot of appreciation for Charlie's Way Seeking Mind talk when he said, it seemed like most of these books he was reading about Zen, said, you actually have to practice Zen. Yeah, that's right. So how do we practice this always close? Well, I think that there are a lot of potential answers and things I can bring forward. But I wanted to share one thing, which is the words of Shakyamuni Buddha from the Pali Canon. And please forgive me if my pronunciation is all over the place, but this sutra is the Ekotara Agama 20.5 from the Anguttara Nikaya and the Ekotara

[30:06]

It's like miscellaneous short sutras. And this is a very short sutra from the Pali Canon. So, I can read you the whole sutra. Thus have I heard. At one time, the Buddha was staying in Shravasti at Cheta Grove in Anathapindada's park. Then the exalted one said to the bhikshus, if there is a person who knows how to appreciate, He or she, never being oblivious of small favors, to say nothing of great acts of kindness, deserves honor. Should that person be a thousand or one hundred thousand yajanas away from here, he or she would not, after all, be far away. That person would, as it were, be close to and not estranged from me. For this reason... A bhikshu should know that I always admire and praise someone who knows how to appreciate.

[31:09]

Those who do not know how to appreciate great acts of kindness, let alone small favors, are neither close to me nor am I to them. Even if an ungrateful person formerly wears his or her samgati, which is the Buddhist robe, in my presence, he or she is, after all, far away. Therefore, I never say one should not appreciate. For this reason, O bhikshus, you should be mindful of appreciating, and you should not imitate others who do not appreciate. Thus, O bhikshus, you should train. After listening to the Buddha's words, the bhikshus were pleased and respectfully applied themselves to practice. Yay! That's so my dharma. I'm like... right there with that. Do you know how to appreciate? Can you train in appreciation?

[32:11]

Well, I say you can. I say you can train in appreciation. I think that appreciation can be learned. And I think that a lot of us are working on that one. I think Tassahara is a very good place to practice appreciation. There's a lot to appreciate in the midst of this rigorous training, which is pretty physically and psychologically demanding. We're learning appreciation. Appreciation for small things and great things. Zazen teaches us appreciation, I think.

[33:26]

You know, I have my Zazen instruction in five words. stay present for whatever happens. But now I'm thinking, I can get it down to three words. Appreciate whatever happens. Suzuki Roshi used to say over and over and over again, we should be grateful for our problems. He said, Dogen pointed out that we like flowers and we don't like weeds. But a weed can be a treasure. So, although I would not deign to compete with Tiantong,

[34:32]

I would like to offer a verse of my own. Don't be haters. Be appreciators. Would you like to hear that again? Well, it wouldn't rhyme then. Don't be a hater. Be an appreciator. I told you it wasn't in the same category with Tiantong. We'll see which one you memorize.

[35:37]

Whether you wanted to or not. Oh. Drop hating. Start appreciating. Nice. and stay close. I think it helps. Use curiosity, use patience, and discover appreciation.

[36:41]

So I wanted to mention that in the pure Dharmakaya, there's no coming or going, it's said. But it might seem like in this practice period, there's been rather a lot of coming and going. Now, if you're a Tangaryo student, you might think, compared to what? which, great, if you think that. I'm glad. But I think it feels like, compared to my comparing mine, other practice prayers I've done, it seems like there's been more than the usual amount of coming and going into and out of this cloistered valley.

[38:03]

And people have been, some people, leaving for the reason of very serious real world problems, great matter of birth and death, type things, which I'm sure you're all aware of, and I need not elucidate various well-being ceremonies we've had, are having. And I think that we can find inspiration and appreciation in that. Don't envy that. People who are leaving don't envy their reasons.

[39:07]

Stay close. Maybe you're one of the people who left and come back. Like me. Doing my best to stay close. Not always easy. Okay. Good. I like that practice is not easy. I like Zen practice. the harder it gets. How do you stay close? So, since we fairly recently came out of Sashin and pretty soon are going to go into another Sashin, I thought I would share a couple of stories about coming and going that are about

[40:30]

Sashin. And the first one is about my teacher, Mel Weitzman, in the early 60s, I think when he was a beginning student, practicing with Suzuki Roshi at Sokoji, and they had a Sashin that he found very demanding, very trying. and he was having a very hard time. And I think at some point he basically said to himself, this, I'm out of here. And he left. He walked out. And he started walking, and he walked through Japantown, then down to the north, down through beautiful San Francisco neighborhoods, down to Trissy Field, the marina, by the water, by the Golden Gate.

[41:34]

I was just walking there, and it occurred to him, I haven't left. He couldn't do anything. He thought he'd left the sashim, but he had this sudden insight. I haven't left. So, He couldn't do anything, so he just walked back and rejoined the sashim. And I think that was when he realized that this was going to be his practice for the rest of his life. He thought he could leave the sashim, but it turned out, nope. And the second story, is about yours truly. This is my third practice period with Reb.

[42:37]

In my second practice period with Reb, I was physical plant manager. And this was fall of 2003, so seven years ago. And it was during Rohatsu Sashin. It seems like we've always had problems with the phones at Tassajara. And the phones were my responsibility. And they weren't working. There was no phone. There was no phone. No way to phone out of Tassajara. And I was working on that, working hard. We didn't have the satellite phone like we have now. We had these radio repeaters. And there's a repeater on top of this mountain over here we call Hawk Mountain. There's one up there, which points, or used to point, due west to Big Sur, where there was another repeater on top of Anderson Peak on the Coast Ridge.

[43:51]

So they were working. What would happen was you'd have to kind of ping that repeater on top of the Hawk Mountain, go up there, check that it was working okay. Basically, you couldn't get dial tone, so it was like the phone wasn't hanging up. It was like somebody forgot to hang the phone up. But the glitch was with the repeaters. They're exposed to a lot of weather up there. Who knows? Right? Am I right? So it's like climbing Hawk Mountain, which I've done a few times in my life, to hang up the phone. Only that didn't work. So I thought, oh my gosh, you know, I have to go to Anderson Peak. And this was like day five of Rahatsu Sashim.

[44:58]

And I was just, I was thinking, if I don't go, session is going to end and everyone is going to want to use the phone. And how's that going to be? Oh, I've been talking too long. Kitchen's leaving. Thank you, Kitchen. How's it going to be? So I was torn. I was really distressed. I was telling the story to our current plane manager, Mark, and he said, if you hadn't left, wouldn't you have been on Anderson Peak anyway? I said, absolutely. I think so. But I had a very beautiful dokusan with Reb. about this and he really encouraged me to stay in the sashim i have to say he really wanted me to stay in the sashim and i was you know i i i appreciated his encouragement and i was really torn and i said i think my responsibilities to the sangha and

[46:28]

People want that phone. I got to go. And then he said, okay, go. So, I mean, he was okay with it. So I did. I drove. You have to go out, Carmel Valley, down to the coast, then down Big Sur, make this big loop to get to what is actually, as the crow flies, not very far away, and then drive up on the Coast Ridge Road, which is actually really fun and cool under other circumstances. You have to get a key from the ranger station and unlock these gates, three of them, to get to Anderson Peak because there are private homes up there. Some really somptuous private homes. You know, low-key, most of them. Blend in with the environment. Most of them. But you know they're nice homes.

[47:31]

Anyway, I got up there and I hung up the phone. Basically, that's all I had to do was reset this repeater, which was basically, you know, driving to Big Sur to hang the phone up. So there I am in December on top of Anderson Peak looking out over the Pacific Ocean. The beautiful view, the beautiful... It was kind of cold and misty, but I walked over to the west side of Anderson Peak, as long as I was up there, and looked out across the ocean and so forth. And at that moment, I saw these California condors come flying in a line right across my field of vision. They were moving really slowly. They're like riding, the breeze is coming off the ocean and flying up the mountain slope.

[48:34]

And so it's providing this like cushion, this support, which their gigantic wings are just like resting on it. And so they were like doing zazen. It seemed like the only movement was in these little feathers, like fingers. They seemed to like... I don't know if they can actually manipulate those feathers or not, but it looked like that. And their big, ugly heads, you know. They were, like, really pretty close, maybe 75 feet away on, like, a line of sight because they were at the same altitude, just cruising right by in front of me, six of them. And I was so awestruck. It was like a kind of terror. something so beautiful, you think you're going to die. It was terrible.

[49:37]

And then I thought, well, I'm still insisting. This is all right. So quiet. Did I mention that? So quiet, not a sound. Just the sound of... breeze blowing through some trees. Scarcely that. The surf. Way off. You could hear the surf. The wind. And I got back. Well, when I got back to Jamesburg, I was all, I saw six contours. Then I was kind of out of the machine. I'll confess. But then I came back and I just rejoined the sashim. So, how is it to not leave?

[50:45]

How is it to leave and not leave? A lot of you leave at the end of this practice period. your lives will be changed completely by this practice period. Whether it's your first practice period or your 15th, your lives will be changed completely by this practice period. And when you leave, how will that be? Mel always says, tasahara practice is easy practice, which You might not be thinking that all the time, but I know where he's coming from. It's very easy to practice appreciation in this setting. It's very easy to practice staying always close in this setting. The sound of my feet on the gravel.

[51:48]

The colors of the autumn foliage. The stars in the night sky, always close. And how will that be for the rest of your life? How will you practice with the great matter of birth and death? Can you let something be so beautiful that it just slays you entirely? And trust that the empty boat will return on its own.

[52:57]

After I read that verse of Tian Tongs and was thinking about that question of Manjushri in the Sandhya Nirmachana Sutra. Later, I read, later on, Wansong's commentary about Tiantong's verse. He says, Wansong says, I dare ask, in ancient embankment, the boat returns. To where? Who would have known that in the distant misty waves there is another better realm of thought. Who would have known? There is another better realm of thought. Can you trust that?

[54:09]

For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[54:35]

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