This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everyone from far and near. I want to thank the Green Gulch Farm leadership for inviting me to speak. I never take... these moments for granted. So I do appreciate being here and being invited. And I want to start with reading a short piece from the Shamanic Bones of Zen. I'd like to start with that. On the fourth day of silence, The world outside the walls no longer exists.

[01:04]

I'm speechless. And it's not because there are no words on my tongue. There is a forest with 90 people surrounding me, animals in the wilderness. Their voices are no longer, but there is a grunt or two. Some wander the forest stomping. Some move quietly. Some are flying. The cloth of our robes rustles. Chanting is soothing when the mind goes places in the dark silence. And then I come upon this place as if longing or lounging rather on a bouncing branch. I come upon this place as if lounging on a bouncing branch.

[02:07]

I know that if I come into my mind, I will become afraid that that branch will snap. In the meantime, I'm a bird. What does it take to feel like a bird? And do I feel like how I see birds hanging on those branches way up on top of the trees? So today I want to talk about the act of Zazen, the ritual of Zazen, and to relate that to how we are living our lives today and how to live in this world that we're living in. Of course, I don't have answers. This is a response. This is an exploration that is always in my consciousness, in my foremind, in my heart.

[03:09]

And so I bring to you all of that. So Zazen, for those who may not have heard the term just in case, is sitting meditation, which is the core practice of Zen. So many of you here probably already know that. And you've heard it a thousand times. But I wonder what it sounds like today to you coming from my mouth. You know, what is zazen? And maybe pretending that you're not an expert on it and that you have no idea what it is. Pretending that, even though I said it's sitting meditation, even pretending you don't know what that is. That you just landed on a new planet. And they're talking about this thing called Zazen. And you're kind of interested and kind of not because it doesn't, you don't know how you could use it to survive the new planet. So you're not, you're probably more interested in, is there any water here?

[04:11]

Not is there any meditation? Is there any water? So why Zazen? Why Zazen? Why sit still in the chaos? of the world? Why sit still? Why meditate? Why do zazen? So this quote was sent to me by a friend, not just to me, but personally, but I'm on a list. And this poem by Rumi sounded perfect to me. It came in my email this morning. It's one of the lovely kind of oasis among all other emails I received. I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside. I have lived on the lip of insanity, waiting to know reasons, knocking on a door.

[05:25]

It's crazy. It opens. He doesn't say it's crazy. I have been knocking from the inside. How many have heard that one before? Okay, so maybe we can somehow get those words to you. It's one of my favorites. Because it speaks so much to how the mind creates our experiences. So when Rumi's talking about opening the door, that's a great metaphor for the mind. You know, to open the mind. The door is the mind. And so, you know, we're constantly knocking on it, trying to figure things out, as he says. And... especially when we're on the lip of insanity, which I'm sure some of you are feeling some of that, I hope, these days of how much chaos and difference and imbalances that we're having to navigate and wanting to know the reasons and knocking on the door, and then it opens.

[06:40]

I've been knocking from the inside. So the mind, knocking, and in my mind, So I have another beautiful poem that many of you probably have heard more of this one. It's a long poem and many monks for many years, monks and nuns over the years have memorized this and they say this, they chant it and they keep it on their hearts. And it's the Dhammapada. And I'm going to use the translation from Gail Fransdale, which is a very great translation. So how does sitting meditation open the door? That's the question, you know, right? How do we open the door? Dhammapada. All experience is preceded by mind. Or why even bother with Zazen? Why bother in chaos? The Dhammapada says, all experience is preceded by mind. Led by mind. Made by mind.

[07:42]

Speak or act with a corrupted mind. And suffering follows. As the wagon wheel follows the hoof of the ox. All experience is preceded by mind. Led by mind. Made by mind. Speak or act with a peaceful mind. And happiness follows. Like never departing shadow. like a never departing shadow. So it's showing us without opening the mind and without understanding that mind, you know, our experiences feel imposed, you know, our experiences are governed by how we perceive, how we think. And so if we're inside and we're knocking,

[08:46]

We're having this experience. I'm on the lip of insanity and I've been knocking and knocking on this door. And then finally it opens and you discover you are on the inside of that door. That you can unlock it and walk out. That is the beginning of what Zazen, our meditation, can offer. And not in the sense that it will happen to you necessarily, that you will open your mind. but you have a vow and aspirations towards that. And by having that vow and aspiration, you begin to see how you can contribute or be a part of a society that's constantly in chaos. And we can talk more, especially in Q&A, of how you might be the chaos. So I invite this question. It's an inquiry, really. So there's probably... Maybe not an answer.

[09:47]

I don't want you to jump to the answer. We're not in school and I'm not a professor. So this is an inquiry. And I feel that when you're practicing, the juice of a practice is the inquiry. You know, not who we find at the center, not the teacher, not the teachings. There is an inquiry. So when you approach the teachers and the teachings in the center, You have some ground coming in, even if you don't understand zazen. You don't understand the words coming out of the people's mouths on this strange planet. And there's no water. It's only fire, fire, fire, fire. So here's what I invite you. This is the inquiry I'm inviting you to have today. In what ways are you the chaos in the world? Now, don't answer it, just hear it. In what ways are you the chaos in the world?

[10:50]

This is the question I'd like you to just fold as we go through and talk a little bit more about Zazen, sitting meditation, Zazen as a gateway, and Zazen as a portal to addressing chaos in the world, chaos in our lives. So... As often when I'm thinking about a talk, all of a sudden, very, very old things come to my mind. And I'm very, very old. So that's a lot of stuff that comes to my mind. I used to watch my father sit in his bedroom, sometimes alongside his bed or in the den or somewhere, you know, and he would always be staring out. And one time I said, you know, I'm going to ask him what he's doing, you know. And so I said, Daddy, what are you doing? I said, every time I come by here, you're just staring off into space. And I said, what are you doing?

[11:54]

And he said, I'm thinking about my entire life. And I was like, wow. And being that this man was born in 1898, in Opelousas, Louisiana, in the midst of a lot of chaos, a lot of lynching, a lot of trouble in the world, in his world. And I also want to see those details that I knew he could never, never tell. But he was feeling them, you know, not only the outside, but how he lived. He had like 20 brothers and sisters. I couldn't imagine. I would just get lost in that. 20 brothers and sisters and and this living as a sharecropper on a farm, being the first of black farmers in the country. And I just could imagine how wonderful maybe that movie was in his mind.

[12:59]

But, you know, being able to sit back and as I reflected on the Zazen and the mind and Rumi's poem about knocking from the inside made me think about the system of oppression or when you feel forced by society, you feel that way, forced to think of a particular way because of some oppressive human condition. So it kept bringing me back, bringing me back. It brought me back to 19 years old. which is a long way, a long ways back for me. But 18, 19 were real important times in my life. So it brought me back to this old book. And so the book that startled me, the title startled me. And still today it does. It's like, it just doesn't roll off my tongue.

[14:02]

And so it's called The Miseducation of the Negro by Carter G. Woodson. And it's written in 1933. And he, to me, is saying similarly what the Dhammapada says and similarly what Rumi is saying. He is talking about the mind and how one experiences life because of what is perceived in the mind. And I changed the gender pronouns in order to be inclusive, but if you get this quote or find it, it will have the language of the times. in it, especially you can see in the title, you know, Miseducation of the Negro. Okay. This is the quote. If you can control a person's thinking, you do not have to worry about their action. When you determine what a person shall think, and that's the oppressive human conditioning,

[15:10]

You do not have to concern yourself about what they will do. If you make a person feel that they are inferior, and I add superior also for that matter, you do not have to compel them to accept an inferior or superior status where they will seek it themselves. If you can control a person's thinking, you do not have to worry about their action. When you determine what a person shall think in oppressive human conditioning, you do not have to concern yourself about what they will do. If you make a person feel that they are inferior, you do not have to compel them to accept an inferior status, for they will seek it themselves. And when I read that a long time ago at 19, it shook me.

[16:14]

It was like, oh, my God. It's my mind. Of course, there's the relative experience of oppression, but I had joined in with that thinking. My mind joined in with the oppressive conditionings that were being said and put and saw and read everything. And so my experience was an oppressive one. All experience is perceived by mind. Now that might not have worked if I had heard that at 19, but I heard the right quote for 19. That led me to see even today the same thing that the Dhammapada is saying and that Rumi brings through his poems. So this is an ancient poem. way of knowing. And so it's not me. I'm not that profound in that way.

[17:15]

It's those who have held on, these wisdom keepers, have held on to these teachings and passed them down so that I can share them with you and hopefully do my best, do my best at passing it on in the best way that I can. in a way that everyone can understand, or that most can understand. All experiences led by mine. You don't have to tell someone, you just have to have them believe they're inferior, and they will go, he says in his book of Woodson, they will automatically walk in the back door. They all will automatically sit in the back of the bus. This is his times. I think it's just very profound for myself to stop at 19 and to look at how the ways in which I was allowing my experience to be led by how I perceive things through my mind, which led to a lot of sadness and grief and depression and, of course, the big S suffering, great suffering.

[18:33]

So when we open the door to the chaos we create in the world, that's when we experience liberation. When we can open that door that we're knocking on, that's liberation. And that's freedom. So it's not liberation in the Dharma. It's not liberation from something. As much as it's liberation and opening one's mind, that's the liberation and freedom. It's not from something. You can't even track it. But if you're sitting zazen, sitting meditation, using that portal at gateway with the breath, then you're headed that way. You're headed that way. So imagine yourself again. I love Rumi's poem. You're inside, you're knocking, you're going crazy, and you open the door, and you're in the inside of that. That's zazen. Oh, I'm on the inside of the chaos of the world. Now what? Now what?

[19:36]

So how do you start to open the door? How do you begin this process of liberation and freedom? And I didn't know this way until I came to Zen practice. Before that, I was in Nichiren, and I knew that way was through chanting. And even in chanting, and with that rhythm, I was able to... see that door as well. I saw the door but for some reason I was not at that time able to unlock it because I still saw that someone was on the other side like leaning on it and or had pushed up a chair against it or a dresser or something you know so I couldn't I just couldn't come through I just had so many places I would blame [...] it was just my way of life because it can't be me so And then even when they were trying to teach me that it was not all of these things, it just did not resonate for me. Because I was like, oh, no, it's definitely a culture.

[20:43]

And it is. It is. That's a relative truth. But that's not the only truth. That wasn't the only truth. Because if it was just the culture, then I was just going to suffer behind that door the rest of my life. And I knew I didn't want to do that. I wanted to open my mind and I wanted the liberation of opening my mind and the liberation of opening the door. And I think this is key, very key to some of the things we experience in the world today. And the many isms that are that are around us are is important to look this way. So some people get all focused here when we start talking about the mind. But Zazen is in the body. Zazen's in the body. So how many people have been using their strategy 40 years and they still kind of see the same stuff going on, you know? So you realize very early on the strategy. Or you keep trying, you know, you keep trying. My mind's going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it.

[21:44]

And you keep going, shoot. You know, keep getting behind that door. Knock, knock, knock. So that's what I loved about Zazen, and I did see that it was a body practice when I first met a couple of practitioners. And I didn't hear a word they were saying. They were talking. I didn't understand a thing. It was like being from the other planet. It's like, where's the water? You know, because I don't know what they're talking about, and I didn't know, but I watched how they were speaking. I watched how they went to their Zafu, how they... bowed, how they turned, how they set, how they were breathing. Knowing I knew very well they couldn't be that relaxed because there's like 200 strange people in the room. Or maybe I was projecting my own shyness. But it was interesting to watch. I watched them and to this day, I have no idea what they said, but they led me to the Zen Center, Berkeley Zen Center first.

[22:51]

and then to San Francisco's Uncensored. And I thought that felt kind of strange, too, to go someplace I didn't understand. So to place this practice in the body, I wanted to share a little bit from my teacher's book, Zenke Blanche Hartman, and her book, Seeds for a Boundless Life. And this was a book that I compiled all of her teachings. which is the way that books were actually written, Dharma books. You didn't write your own books like Zenji. The students wrote the book of the teachings that they received from the teacher. And then that book goes forth. So Beginner's Mind, Zen Mind, you know, that was written for all of... Suzuki Roshi's teachings by student, right? Senior student. So I was not a senior student, but somehow I ended up with the project.

[23:52]

And this project was happening at the same time that I was writing The Way of Tenderness, for those who know that book. So I had two books going at the same time, and I got very confused about what team I was working with, you know, from what, because they're two different publishers. And it was, you know, wisdom and Shambhala. So they would call and I'm going, Josh? Jacob? You know, I couldn't really, I could not figure it out. I said, this is getting crazy. Eventually, listening to all of Blanche's talks was the transmission that I received that was different from the transmission I received before doing the book. The transmission I received from her before doing the book was the joy of ceremony, the joy of Zen ceremony. I had no idea I had received that joy until way, way, way later, 18 years at Zen Center, that I was all of a sudden excited about a ceremony, you know.

[24:54]

So I thought, Seize for a Boundless Life, Zen Teachings from the Heart. And Blanche talks a little bit about how Zazen's of the body. And I love the first three words. We sit down. We sit down. We arrange our legs and robes, get our base arranged, a base for the transformation. And then we lift up through our spine all the way through the crown of our head. And you let your head be level. You don't want your chin up in the air. You want it level. You want to bring it back so that the weight of the head is resting on the spine. So it's the kind of motion. Your head staying level, but moving back so that the weight is supported.

[26:01]

And of course, she gives Dogen Zenji, you know, is due for the Fugan Zazenji, which is the instruction, excuse me, the Fugan Zazenji. the instructions for sitting zazen. Once you have your legs and your base arranged, so there's a position to enter this portal, right? Once you have your legs and your base arranged, you can rock left and right and left. You take a little stretch, go backwards and forwards. And when you do this, you start to straighten up. Your body starts to straighten up. It starts to open up. So that you can breathe while you're on that door knocking. Knock, knock, [...] let me out. So you can get to a different body situation. That your whole muscular system, your skeleton is ready. Your body is ready to receive.

[27:02]

Then you arrange your mudra. She goes on with a lot. Your mudra should be sitting zazen too. Your mudra should be sitting zazen too. Your toes are sitting zazen. Your ears are sitting zazen. All of you is sitting zazen. And it's okay to rest your wrist on your thighs in the mudra. But it wants to be nice and open. It doesn't want to collapse and close. I like the way she makes the mudra live. I think of the mudra. This is the sentence I love. I think of the mudra as a kind of receiver. You can visualize your out-breath as falling down like a waterfall and your in-breath as coming in through your mudra, hand and finger position and filling you up. So Zazen is a receiver. You come to the new planet and you have a receiver.

[28:08]

a way to receive what you don't understand, what you don't know, what you're about to discover about everything, especially yourself, your mind, the mind that's creating the experiences of suffering that you have, that walks with you every day. And so oftentimes, we do talk about zazen in the body. as just a posture. But it's not posture maybe like your physical education teacher taught you in junior high, which I remember that very plainly, that whole discovering, I don't have good posture. Your shoulders are round, you got an S in your back, you know, it's just on and on. I'm like, I don't know what to do about all that, really. And I didn't think there was even possible to change my actual body.

[29:13]

And because I was like, oh, this is the way I was born. This is how I am. And, you know, that S in the back, you know, that's just African. You know, I was going on. I have so many reasons of not to pay attention to this posture that the teacher is trying to teach me. And now many, many, many, many years later, When I go to my fitness instructor, she always comments every time, you have such good posture. And I was like, it's always a shock because I didn't write, first of all. And I said, oh, that must be the Zen practice. And I could feel as soon as she says it, I get a sense of my body and what I'm doing and where I'm sitting and how I'm sitting. And I go, oh. And it was important to her because if I already had the good posture that she can give me the teachings that she has to help me with my body.

[30:18]

I was ready for those teachings. And so this is what Zazen helps to do. I was ready to breathe and open my body to breathe, keep my chin ready to breathe, to take it all in. And these are the exact same things that we're doing when we sit zazen. We're receiving through our mudra the trouble of the world. We are. We're receiving the joy of the world. We are seeing the world. We're seeing our life. We have an antenna. We have a portal, whatever word you want to use. To begin to understand. The mind, not only the mind of the individuals, but the mind of the collective. Begin to understand the mind of the collective as well. Now, does that mean you don't have to change anything or engage in changing these things?

[31:20]

Not so. We still engage the world, but it's how you engage it and from where you engage it. Do you engage it from? out here from an external place, from, you know, viewing the other. We talked about a lot of that in our sangha, viewing the other and seeing the difference and having contempt with the other rather than any love or value for the other's life. So you'll understand that in Zazen. You'll breathe it in, not understand it here. It has to be in your body. If you are, you know, sending Zazen, kind of like you're doing when you do TV, not much is going to come in there. Not much breathing. Or the breathing you have puts you to sleep. Because you're used to laying up on the sofa or in your bed relaxing. And so you don't have an alertness to even receive all that's going on.

[32:26]

And we all need to be strong enough. And whatever it is we're doing doesn't have to be Zen. I don't sell Zen. That you have to be strong enough in whatever you're doing to receive all that's going on from individuals and from the collective. Because it's really all together, right? We talk about that in our minds that we know that's all together. It's all integral. We get it. But we don't. It's hard for us to enact it in our lives. And then after that, eventually Zen, Zazen, teachers, students, centers don't become these things. They become these places of that liberation from being behind that door knocking and you're on the inside. They become those locations for that. So you don't have to think it up unless you want to.

[33:28]

I'm not going to stop you from creating any type of traditions that you would like to do. That's not what I'm here for. But I can share with you that I'm grateful that I didn't have to figure it out, that I didn't have to create something entirely new. Not that my own wisdom has not come and has given me some insight. And maybe the insight's different than what other people may have. Like Buddha was a shaman. I got a little trouble with that one at first from a teacher. I said, oh, no, no, don't write that. That was way back. Not even the shamanic bones of Zen hadn't been written. This was in Tell Me Something About Buddhism. And I said, yeah, well, he was on a vision quest. I was going on and on. Of course, that wasn't working. It's getting worse, getting worse. Yeah. And I said, you know, what I'll do is add a disclaimer and say, some people might perceive the Buddha as having been on a vision quest.

[34:31]

You know, this is the crafting of writing. You really got to be careful. So I did that. And then, but Buddha was a shaman. So the teacher came back. You still said Buddha was a shaman. I said, yeah, but I put a disclaimer. So Buddha was a shaman. So in my book, I think I have a whole chapter on Buddha being a shaman. So I don't think it went away for me. So it doesn't mean that you have to hold on to that at all. It's just a way in. It came through my antenna, my portal, a sitting. My experience in ritual and ceremony in Zen. And I trust it. I trust that. And I am in conversation with senior teachers all the time. Not so I can get approval, because maybe I don't agree with the senior teacher either, but to have that discussion and the conversation so that I can go back and sit with it and see how clean is my portal?

[35:33]

How clear is it? You know, am I really seeing through it? Or I'm attracted by the rainbows or the crystal or something, you know, really looking at it, clearly looking at it. And so I spending time talking about Zazen and talking about the practice that because this is the place in which the liberation and freedom that we look for and we explore, I believe, is in the practice of Buddhism. You know, it has been for me and in Zen particularly. So oftentimes when we begin to deal with problems in the world, the first thing we do is drop off the practice, the Zen. We don't think, no, Zen can't help anything, you know, right now. This is really crazy, you know, all the things going on in the world. Forget it, you know. We do go there.

[36:36]

I'm going to run in here and sit down because too much is happening, so it's the opposite end. I'm just going to sit down and see if I can forget about all of it, you know. But I am... inviting you to polish your meditation, your zazen, and to make your mood draw that antenna, to make things, to be able to allow all that's going on in the world to come through, to come through, not stick with you, come through, come through, come through, until wisdom arises, until you realize, aha, I'm knocking from the inside, oh, They're knocking from the inside. Oh, their experience is because of how their mind, how they perceive, what they perceive in the mind. I'm understanding that. Now, I don't have to go out and teach it. I want to have a talk with you about your mind and why you're experiencing this. It's not meant for that.

[37:37]

A lot of people like to use the teachings to teach others. And it's not meant for that. It's meant for you. And if and when. If and when your door opens, your mind opens, open mind. If and when your oppressive human conditions, you see whether or not they make you feel inferior or superior, like Woodson said. When you see these things, you know, that's when the... Practice will come alive and comes alive, blooms like a tree. Yeah. So I invite that. What's that question? What's our inquiry? What is the inquiry? In what ways are you the chaos in the world? Just for a moment, I have some friends would never consider that.

[38:44]

Oh, no way. I'm not. Not all that's happening. I have nothing to do with it. Doesn't matter. Cross gender, cross race. Doesn't matter who. I have heard this from many people. And I understand it. Because when I first started, like I said, I was blaming. And I was like, well, it's not me. It's them. Don't you understand? To the teachers, don't you understand what's wrong with you? I'm trying to explain to you it's them, not me. Until, you know, they spoke no more. Because I wasn't capable. I didn't have the capacity. I didn't have an antenna. As much as I was chanting, I had nothing. Nothing clear enough. No body posture. No breath. To receive anything. Are you ready to do a practice? Are you ready to have a teaching? Are you ready just to be with yourself?

[39:45]

So I'm hoping what I share today, just checking around next year, I haven't left out any books that are quotes I want to share with you, but I'm hoping that some of what I said today gives you, I'm not here to necessarily stimulate you or give you anything cathartic so that it's gone by Monday. But to just open your mind, helping you open that door. Because we can open it together. You don't have to be by yourself on the other side of that door if you're willing. Sometimes we just want to do it ourselves. But I can do this. We're pretty strong. We're pretty smart. Yeah. I don't know of anybody who isn't smart. I've never not really met somebody who's not smart. Because we're just smart. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center.

[40:56]

Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[41:15]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_95.32