1991.10.19-serial.00093

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SF-00093
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Shunbo Sensei

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know i say about this and was sometimes i think when i see people who have a lot of experience sitting
sitting zazen
was sitting on the bench i think you are wasting such a good opportunity because in visiting says that even if i don't see anything worthwhile you haven't wasted time

ah this morning i want to return to this theme of
taking refuge and sanga
sanga in buddhism we have a recall the three treasures of the three jewels of buddhism
ah i'm buddha dharma a sunday
buddha
this may be ireland fundamental nature to fundamental nature of all beings
the universal function okay
the life force that enlivens all of us
dharma
but also as mean sometimes the historical teacher
on
the who
began this particular stream of human endeavor
in which we find ourselves now
ah time timer
mean sir
what time is a word that has many meanings some it means just phenomena
but sir in the sense of taking refuge and dine out we say taken refuge in the truth of all things as it is
when our existence as it is
or sometimes dinah means the teaching
the historical teacher who again buddhism the buddha
and sanga means again many things it means peace and harmony new york roshi is to sail with and someone means peace and harmony
and when we can't
on the full moon have a ceremony and one of the things we cheered is these three refuges and we say
bringing harmony to everyone free from hindrance in kanpur
a sangha refuge
sanga means also the community of practitioners
ah but may mean may think of it is meaning all beings are you may think there is meaning or just this community with which were practicing now it has many connotations and in that connotation of of this community of things with whom we practice now
i want to think of a little bit about it
with him
ah if we are to take refuge and sangha
we need to have confidence
that it's a sangha
and which we feel we can take refuge
and
does that mean that we expect that someone else will create a sangha on which i can find refuge
or does it mean that
since this sanger
includes each of us
ah
we i we ourselves are the sanga and if we want to have a sangha in which we feel we can take refuge
then ah
and each of us wants to cultivate
ah that which will help us have ah sanga that will feel safe sanga in which to take refuge
ah we might think about
what
what would make us under safe for us to really undertake this practice of the buddha dharma which else
durban sent he says to study buddhism is to study the south
and studied itself is to forget the self
and forget the self is to be awakened by all things
ah
but if we want a sanga which will encourage us
to study the south
sanga in which we will feel safe to forget the self and meet all things as ourselves
then we have to each of us ah
think about what do we want the song gonna be and how can i make this the song that i need in which my practice can develop in which i can study the sell in which i can allow the flower
our or this life forced to bloom
ah which i can find encouragement
ah
i think in order for the sanga to be a safe place for us to
be so open and we need we need a sunday which has
well which involves mutual appreciation a song in which we fully appreciate one another
ah a song or were in which there is acceptance of each one of us as we are as well as encouragement for us to calculate our practice
wow
the songun which there is warmth and humor
we don't want me to dry we don't want to take ourselves too seriously
ah i have a close relationship with someone who often says likes as much too serious to take it so seriously
have these notes but the this
my eyes and the distance of this podium or exactly
i can't say they doing
ah
does happen
and i can also do without the knowledge of british
below is we want to shape a hassle
wow which will ah
hold and nurture
our practice
and which will nurture the practice of anyone who comes to practice which will encourage anyone who comes to practice to participate in this fashioning of a vessel which will sustain us in our effort to practice
so how can we do it
ah that is angie has a physical in his said work the i have a
hmm i'd see the true dharma i shoveled enzo the treasury of a true dharma i
ah at which he caused the for methods of guidance of a bodhisattva for
ah
a bodhisattva his son
a being who has who who vows to r
had all beings
i to liberation before herself before himself
so the for methods of guidance of a body sought for our generosity
kind speech
beneficial action
an identity action
so first generosity will may think of generosity as sir
giving material things but in this sense it's not so much giving material things it's more getting home
wow essentially it's giving ourselves away and sir
and teacher says generosity is relinquishment relinquishment of what relinquishment of self clinging clinging to an idea of self
ah but this generosity is maybe maybe the best thing where you can cook by generosity is to give everyone what we want
ah in the sense that i've talked about before to give everyone i support and encouragement and acceptance and appreciation and warmth and humour to give people what we ourselves want and need
and kindness are kind speech
to make this effort again and again to be careful in our speech
ah
do not use speech which will hurt others
ah to try to
notice before we say something that might be hurtful on
really want to say that
and then official action is action which helps others were in this context perhaps action which ah
it helps others
to develop the the practice which they want to develop
ah
an identity action as action which does not see a difference between self and other which does not put up a barrier between self and other
an action which in which we act
which we act toward each being as ourself
that you know i we practiced very hard and however much i try to be generous
ah well how am i ever much i
remind myself to be generous and however much i vow to be generous stinginess comes up
before i know it gives us a stingy thought most stingy action
and however much i want and try to be kind
unkindness comes up
however much i want to be beneficial
some actually comes up which i see is harmful
but however much i want to base my life on either reaction
something comes up which is clearly based on a feeling of separateness
i find myself such a hopeless case
how much i do
but just seeing this hopelessness just seeing how often the actual way in which i conduct myself is different than how i want to
is what you know that's that's how i began searching and found found this practice
however much i wanted to be a good wife and mother i was laughing it up
and
however much i wanted to be a good friend i kept messing it up
and in my anguish and desperation i started looking for somebody somewhere somehow who could help me
understand my life and said it in some way understand how to approach some cultivation of living
with more kindness and more here
and in that search
i i'm kinda suzuki roshi
and i had the conviction that he could you know that whatever it was he was doing and had been doing for the last fifty years in his life ah
the blanket it might help me
so i began to six size in and i began to study on this way
and the more hopeless
i feel the more it spurs me on to practice harder
so i can't feel too bad about this hopelessness
ah it just helps me to keep practicing thousand and to keep studying the buddha dharma and to keep paying more attention
to my actions
a body speech in mind
so that perhaps i can be more careful
i was recently
add a
two week period of intense study at casa harm and one of the teachers there was a teacher named akiyama sensei the japanese teacher who's now christian know walking
and then i found him very inspiring
no
and i'm on
want to include in this taught and notes from that i took from from his tongue
and talking about duka duka is a sanskrit word which is often translated as suffering
ah
this as duca is when the world
doesn't go the way we want it to that's when we suffer the will it just doesn't doesn't go the way we want it
ah
in in nature saying he was talking about of
a
video that his brother sent him
i don't know who's the same one that i saw that there was this past year a wonderful video on the the development of the universe the big bang and all that followed
and he said in nature
don't have whatever what happens it's okay you know there was the big bang and the news on this matter and energy in the matter began to formally
condense into bigger pieces and know that bigger ones came together and sometimes they came together and we would break apart and sometimes i came together and made a bigger or in says who come together and they break apart it's okay they came together and i made a big one it's okay
whatever happens in nature it's okay
but for us you know what what happens to human beings if it doesn't go the way we wanted to go we think the world is a component
ah so he says what's the problem the problem is this fellow he says
pointing to his the problem as this film we just need to chop it off and put it down here and just said
this is what hit his first teacher told him proud on is this fella just chopping off and put it next year and just said

but come
when we have these thoughts and we think these thoughts are real and and then we get into trouble because we attach reality to these thoughts when i want is in our noses and need more money you can get this thought i mean why
one money and it becomes very real to us and then we worry we've read about it
he said a woman came to me and she said no more in line and i said why
but we don't have more money we can eat he says well we're eating now aren't we
this would have daughter is going to be i gotta is gonna be old enough for college and a few years and and we don't have enough money to send her to kind he says been someone who's intelligent enough to get the courage and doesn't have enough money i'm thinking this country can get financial aid in the kind of what if someone in the family gets really sick
you know for all we do that got don't we have insurance yes we do an on on he says unfortunately this woman was my wife

when be suspicious this is the way our minds work
come here
ah
he says this this fellow this mind of our you know but just produces that's that's what it does
and though
if we attach reality to them and really believe him can we get into alive of metal saffron
and if we just sit without thinking of anything
thoughts arise
many many thoughts could always go to sleep
ah so if we think we're not just sitting and after all this practices just sitting and if we sleep we're not just sitting
what am i gonna do
taking is just what the brain does what does does that
and we can't stop it from thinking any more than we can start blood from circulating
and sleeping is just a natural function of the brain also
when we're trying to slip
and we start thinking
the moment we realize i thinking
we have returned to just seven
where you are sitting
and we fall asleep
the moment we realize i'm sleeping
we've returned to just sitting
i always we find with repetition when size in
our thinking and returning to sitting sleeping and returning to sydney thinking and returning a sudden just this repetition is what we can do
this this is i just seven
this is as i said
when we think of it in that way and when we understand it in that way it's not so
the shooting every time we ah got incredibly my thoughts again i'm i fall asleep again it's not that zazen is only when you're completely or work and awake and in this moment and not thinking of anything
that season and all the stuff of and having thoughts arise and noticing thoughts arise and returning the sitting as nine any size and is big enough to include all that
and that's what i'm saying is
it's just been willing to stay with yourself as you are
not setting up some expectation of some ideal or perfect being ah who is not bothered by thought so who is not bothered by falling asleep for is not moderated by
this country in ninety days or whatever
just to be willing to stay with our life as it is and not move away from our life that's this a mobile sitting at duncan said he talks about and fruit nine something
a immobile sitting is not being a rock without thoughts or feelings
with a mobile sitting is being a living breathing human being
trying to stay with our life just as it is with all of the circumstances and causes and conditions and chronic accumulations of this life as it is
and when anger rises noticing that anger has arisen and trying to let it go
when a selfish thought arises noticing that a selfish thought has arisen and trying to let it go
when greed arises
when judgment arises when all of these thoughts that we would be more comfortable about perhaps arise he's effective emotions when they arise to see them and try to let them go try not to be
i'm up in believing that each one of them is the truth
protests that this is what i'm thinking now
the amaro she had done an expression a tomorrow she was a
a teacher and and or any edge that is very dear to me because my sewing teacher the teacher that taught us how to sew these sir good or robes that we were here was from that lineage
ah and i practiced with her we all practiced with her here for many years and then
i love for a lot and she was ah i don't know if all he knows this
this gesture which we call gush show palms together in that it sir
let's say yeah
i just to which
emphasize this man's separation or no difference when you say my piece the to dichotomy is right and left door or a right and wrong or could it bad or up and down and black and white
men and woman all of these dichotomous ways in which we think of the world in got show we put them together and and drop-in
so often without each other guy show is ah
buddha recognizing put on
and the or laden her life when she had had a stroke and had cataracts and was not really able to do what she loved to do it was to so
so these good roads rhodes she wrote to me i found the new and kg monastery that had been
recently built and aging monastery read to her teacher had founded had been on the outskirts of kyoto when it was first built
but the city kind of grew up and encroached around it and amongst decided they would like to have this is kind of unusual monastery they really just sits as them
and go out with her being both begging and i had a garden and they didn't do any ceremonies that already to set a lot of thousand
and they wanted to move out of the city so they sold this property and in kyoto and moved out into the mountains the deep mountains ah
and built built-in a monastery
and she wrote me and sent me some pictures of this new monastery and and and her little house and she said the monks have built me my own little house and they take very good care of me and i live a life of gratitude and cashew
and i was very very moved and impressed by that i had the time
if when i get towards the end of my life and i can't do any of the things that i i used to but were useful and i had to depend on other people to take care of me if at that time i can say i live a life of gratitude and gosh show
wouldn't that be wonderful
so it really made me appreciate the practice she had by that time been practicing since she was a teenager
i was middle aged before i i had a criticize him
so perhaps this lifetime will be a time when i can be no
feel myself living a life of gratitude and that show by the time i get old and infirm but still on
if i it made me feel very good about this practice to to receive from added
so i'm gonna brothers hm roshi
and he's a teacher who has got a lot a lot of his writing is an english i don't know if you know the book refining your life with a bit which we go
approached does in from everyone
several other books in english he studied western philosophy and courage and he has ah
he's one of not so many ah
teachers of his generation and japan who welcomed western students
ah and he had an expression call which is he said opening the hand of thought in i approach this end it was translated as letting go of fraud but i actually i was sensei said literally it means opening the hand of fraud
ha
so that when we're sitting and
and we notice that we have grasped i thought and it's training us around
compelled by it and our state of mind as being disturbed by it or if we noticed that we have grasped it men perhaps we can open the hand of thought and let it go
ah so that our work in zazen is mainly to notice
mainly to bring our attention to what's happening and notice what's going on it's not to fix something is wrong there's nothing wrong with us that i'm mine produces are of these thoughts
ah it's just the natural functioning of our mind and the kind had sold the thoughts that i mind produces
i come from the the circumstances of our particular life we all of the causes and conditions and circumstances that particular life but what we can do is when we notice
that we are causing ourselves suffering
by grasping onto a thought and and attributing reality to it
when we have some opportunity to let it go
i i happened to been on the fairly restricted diet for the last few years since i had a heart attack
and
for the first few years and i was on a diet i i really would get if i live in a community where somebody else does the cooking and we all come down and eat together and i wouldn't get very
kylie
upset feeling when the meal it was offered to the whole community i mean an irrational level i didn't see any reason that the whole community and beyond as restricted diet as i am i mean i know that that's ridiculous
i'm an emotional level with something delicious was served that i couldn't eat i would get a very grumpy feeling you know and i would i would not eat it but i would feel
you know i guess satisfied actually sort of feel dissatisfied the whole rest of the day until the next me i have a looking around and with for something good i could eat so it because everybody else got something good i couldn't eat it on i would have that feeling of deserves an irritation and dissatisfaction
and i knew was kind of silly but tip kind of keep happening to me know
and
and good exactly see what was happening gonna cause i of the things that i really like a lot is baked custard and it's something that we sometimes have regrets us when we're eating in the zendo and i looked down at casa ohio where we eat all of our meals and the don't without anything between meals except t which is pretty amazing
a cousin or endlessly and
we had this breakfast and we had oatmeal which i hadn't the like very much and we had a fruit salad which was wonderful for grapes it was a real grapefruit sound and we had baked custard
and i said you're looking at my italy we eat them as and only have these three balls i said you're looking at my balls were before it was time to eat after i've been served and it was as empty little bowling in honor and so my mice of habitual fog came up all night
and i mean look at this all we oatmeal you mean i was fruit salad you'd meet people come and serve it to you know how many people in the world would be overjoyed to have people come in several a meal of oatmeal and fruit salad like this you going
and i noticed that i was not i could not go around all morning feeling dissatisfied
my mind was dissatisfied you know when i add a team that got a t all those guys are getting some good i can't get my mind that dissatisfied and i would feel as if my and i would feel dissatisfied all morning so
when you discover that kind of thing
for yourself in your own thinking habits that gives you a little opening a little freedom to make a choice well you know do i want to entertain this thought and feel like that which i know how you know i don't want to drop it and feel good
it gives it gives us an opportunity to make those choices it isn't that is right or wrong to entertain wherever that is just noticed a result in a notice what your own experience is
ah
when you begin to notice when it's like when you when you grasp a frog
and see if it's if you like you know if if if if you appreciate your life better but he let go of some of the negative thoughts that you can be passed onto
ah
this try it out and see what you see
ah
and let you know so in in not
ah developing the sanga
see what it is that we need to make the sanga a more welcoming place for you
i hadn't gone
try to offer it
if you think that there's something that the some of us here who have been here longer could do it would make this saga a more welcoming place for you
try to find some kind way let us know
and let's take on together this activity of
fashioning a saga
which will help us to practice with to encourage us to do what we want to do with will encourage us to known as as we are to encourage us to manifest i put a nature on each one
me or in tampa
really