and unsurpassed and perfected God. It is where we live, and [...] we live, ... [...] It's a little bit like I remember it was a silent.

[03:11]

I remember it was a silent. [...] Good morning. Is that loud enough? And good morning to, I would imagine, the people that are at the end of that wire right there. Twelve years ago, I was a guest student, probably sitting way back over there.

[04:21]

Look at me now. My name is Miles. And I'm a student of Paul's, who's a student of Mel's, who's a student of Huwitsu's, who's a student of Shinryu, who is a student of Gyokhaji and so on. And back 2,500 years to the Buddha. When I was asked to give this talk, the first thing arose was no. But that's not my practice. Each one of the names that I mentioned pointed to something inside me and others that helped heal their world.

[05:37]

So my intention is to be here out of gratitude. And maybe me sitting up here can help you sitting out there or sitting at home also attempt to do something difficult. Maybe it's have a conversation with somebody. Or forgive somebody. Forgive yourself. That's the hardest one. At least from my experience. When you... Oh, and thank you, Tonto, for the... And Abed and Eno and Garden Crew and Kitchen and... San Francisco Zen Center is suffering from having less people than they would like.

[06:42]

And so I just want to give great gratitude for everybody that's doing two or three or four jobs so that this amazing place where we can sit in a refurbished barn and talk about the Dharma, it's amazing. Absolutely, unbelievably, incredibly. So thank you. I got to live here for 10 years and I miss, I see all my old friends here walking around and I miss, I miss it a lot. There's, side note, there's a fundraising campaign going on called the Zenathon. If you would like to offer your support, you can find it on their website. When you do lay ordination or priest ordination or maybe lay entrustment, which is when you get your teaching credentials as a lay teacher or you get married or you die,

[08:02]

We do the precepts. I wanted to talk a little bit about, if time allows, the Buddha nature and the precepts. When you ordain as lay or priest, you get a name. And Paul gave me ancient forest. Wondrous awakening. It's my understanding the first one is what your teacher sees you as, and the second is what you aspire to be. And for me, awakening is freedom. Freedom from my judgment. Some sort of self-acceptance. But I can digest all the parts of me And as Nancy said before the talk, be myself.

[09:23]

So regarding Buddha nature, what came up is a parable in the Lotus Sutra called the Parable of the Jewel and the Road. And it talks about two friends. one wealthy and one poor. And they meet up and have fun, a meal, some drinks. And the next morning, the wealthy friend worried about his poor friend. So did Jewel into his robe and then left. Aware of the jewel in the road, the poor man continued to live in poverty, struggling and wandering. And years later, the two met up, and the wealthy friend was astonished that the poor man's struggles were continuing.

[10:31]

Wealthy man revealed the jewel. The poor man discovered his treasure. He unknowingly possessed and his life was transformed. I prefer wise to wealthy because I don't know that wealth brings me happiness. I know wisdom often is difficult, but brings me freedom. It's interesting when I was thinking about this, that each teacher was pointing to a student with a story, but the Buddha experienced it for themselves.

[11:40]

the hidden meaning it talks about is that it's our Buddha nature that's the jewel. And it's my understanding and my experience that nature sewed it into our robe when we were born. And for me, it's how I'm plugged in to the universe. And maybe... when you walk out into the nature here or into the nature somewhere else, you feel a sense of completeness. I don't judge the sunsets. I don't judge the sunrises. And it's my belief that that nature within all of us, for me, completes me and for me that's what feels like waking up to walk into my own experience like I'm walking into the forest and forest bathing or along the ocean and see the horizon off in the distance

[13:14]

or looking into my child's eyes or feeling the support of somebody that loves me. And I think that transformation is always available. and somehow cloud it with my mind and my thoughts and the news and everything else that seems to activate and grow over that bit of nature inside. So that's talking about it a little bit.

[14:32]

What I'd also like to do is see if there's a way to experience it together. So I've put together a little guided meditation. And when I first started practicing, I didn't like guided meditations. So this is an invitation. If for some reason you don't like guiding meditations, I invite you to just sit quietly. So let's find a comfortable position. As comfortable as you can be. Go ahead and close your eyes. You can move your awareness to the backs of your eyes.

[15:33]

Just be aware. You can slowly move your awareness down to your neck. shoulders to your ribs and landing in your belly As you bring your awareness into your belly, just notice your body breathing.

[16:40]

Your belly just naturally breathes in, expands. When it breathes out, it contracts. The waves washing ashore. The body breathes in. Like the waves returning to the ocean. The breath breathes out. Waves return to the sea.

[18:00]

Our breath returns to the abundant nature of air. You can just notice the natural cadence. You don't have to do anything. is abundant and your body knows just how much it needs.

[19:19]

You can just let the body breathe. I invite you to bring someone you love into your awareness. As you let your body breathe, just feel their presence. Breathe in their kindness and support you felt.

[20:47]

Let yourself breathe out your gratitude. their support with each inhale and each exhale Begin a few more breaths, inhaling their support and kindness.

[22:17]

Exhaling the gratitude, support. We'll slowly move our awareness back. ribcage, feeling the breath, ribs, up through our shoulders, feeling our awareness in the neck, bringing our awareness back to the backs of our eyes, Ready you can go ahead and open your eyes.

[23:29]

I hope this space for everyone creates a timelessness, spaciousness, abundance. Does this space within us create a feeling of patience, calmness, curiosity, kindness, flexibility. Experientially, this is what I feel like the Buddha was pointing us to.

[25:06]

I don't know 2,500 years ago what concerns they had. That's 10 times the life of the United States, so it's a long time ago. I don't know if we've complicated our lives more or less. But I would imagine that they had similar... problems with their mind, complicating their lives? And can that space be an antidote for an overactive mind?

[26:06]

moving from that space into the precepts. And I don't know, I'm sure everybody has a different connection and understanding with the precepts, but one of the things that, I don't know if the right word would be to say, I had a problem with, but I struggled with, is that the precepts come from a negative interpretation. And so as part of this Dharma talk, I thought I would frame them in a positive way, which for me, as I would hope in my practice, coming from this place of flexibility and calmness and patience and curiosity, is how I would want to aspire to live the precepts.

[27:13]

And when I see them as, I don't know if negative interpretation is the right way, I see them as I can judge myself. It can look more like a scoreboard. And with a positive interpretation, what I hope is that I see them as a canvas, not a scoreboard, or a harmony, not a scoreboard. Suzuki Roshi talked about an inmost request, I-N-M-O-S-T, which is a drive towards wholeness, truth, and our own true nature aligned with our own inherent Buddha nature. So for me, I'm practicing with what's my inmost request with each precept as it shows up in my life. He also went on to say, the real meaning of the precepts is not just rules.

[28:27]

It is rather our way of life. And Buddhism has taught me that there's eight billion different lives. That my experience in the way I live and my experience is not like all of your experiences. And so each one of the precepts is going to be different for all of us. San Francisco Zen Center is a vegetarian temple. But Deshimura set up temples in Europe that you have roast beef and red wine after you sit. So for me to frame them in the positive also makes it harder for me to judge myself or others with them. which is important for me because as I go through life, no matter how much better I think I have it than somebody else, I'm always going to think somebody has it better than me.

[29:39]

So this practice helps me bring harmony in my own experience. So there's 16 precepts. One is, I vow to refrain from all evil. And I frame that as, I vow to reclaim and maintain my innocence, wholesomeness. and benevolence through the cultivation of kindness and forgiveness. I vow to make every effort to live in enlightenment.

[30:50]

I vow to awaken my true nature through the cultivation of awareness. and Buddha nature. I vow to live and be lived for the benefit of all beings. I vow to awaken to self-love and acceptance so I may inspire others to awaken. There's then the ten grave precepts. I vow not to kill. Mine is I vow to cultivate harmony by living in wonder and marveling at all living things.

[32:10]

Twice while I was thinking about this Dharma talk, I was thinking about killing, and a mosquito landed on me. And it's interesting how I notice that certain things I don't want to kill, and certain things... Even the sound of the wings activates a part of me that opens up to killing. And that's... And what I'm sure of is it's more subtle through the day when I hear certain things. that that portal opens. So I let it land on me.

[33:23]

And I felt their little feet. And I thought, well, I give blood. What's the big deal? And then I realized it's the itch. kill the mosquito because of the itch. I didn't. And then I realized there's been numerous times when I haven't itched it, they go away. Ticks are another one. But even that small little thing can be harmful. So, is killing okay when I'm defending myself?

[34:37]

Or another, or a country, or an idea, or a thought, or an opinion? And how well is that serving me? I vow not to take what is not given. That one always made my head explode because it's a double negative. And what I assumed is it's the universe is providing. So don't take what the universe hasn't provided. precept was I vow to awaken to the abundant nature of my path which is different than your path or somebody else's path and to appreciate my path.

[35:51]

What came up for me while I was thinking about this is I think I was five or six we were having an Easter egg hunt And I didn't have a lot of Easter eggs, but I saw where they put all the Easter eggs. So I took them. And I think I got a prize or something, and I got caught. And I still feel the shame. Which I appreciate so much. Because it reminds me I still have the innocence if I have the shame around doing something wrong. I just need to not steal any more Easter eggs. I vow not to misuse sexuality.

[36:59]

It's the precept. Mine is I vow to honor innocence. wholesomeness, and harmony in my physical relationship. I'm married, so it's relationship. Those might be ships. I vow to refrain from false speech. I vow, mine is, I vow to seek the truth in my thoughts and spoken words. I'm introverted and a bit of a hermit. So I have like 100 internal words to 10 or 15 external words. So I remind myself that false speech for me also happens in my head. I have stories that I tell that either weren't true or aren't true.

[38:07]

And I remind myself in some way to stop telling those stories. I have an example with false speech line that I wanna share because it's not just in the moment. I had a friend, Jeff, really good friend. 16, I drank, I drove his car, I dented it. He came up the next day and asked me if I dented it, and I said no. And that was probably when I was, maybe I was 18, and that stayed with me for decades. It was like a pedal in my shoe. I reminded myself of that. Constantly.

[39:13]

And so I found out where Jeff lived and I wrote him a letter of apology and I wrote a check for whatever it cost to fix it and I sent it to him and that pebble went away. I never thought about that again. So precepts are backwards compatible in areas that you want to be free in. I vow to refrain from intoxicants is the precept. Mine is I vow to cultivate a clear consciousness by minimizing things that cloud or over-activate my mind, that cloud

[40:16]

Buddha nature. I actually turned off the news in my phone because I was realizing I was looking at it all the time. So it's not just booze and alcohol and drugs. It's anything that can be a relationship. It's something that is intoxicating the mind. and keeping you from being free. I vow to slander, which sounds like false speech, but I looked it up, it's actually telling untruth. It's like knowing that it's wrong, but saying it anyway. is I vow to speak the truth and only when it brings harmony to myself or other.

[41:46]

I vow not to praise self at the expense of others. And I would also say it's good not to praise others at the expense of self. I would submit that nobody has it better than anybody else. They just have it different. Mine is I vow through self-love and acceptance to appreciate the unique nature of myself and others. I vow not to be avaricious, which when we started chanting, I had no idea what that word meant.

[42:48]

It means being cheap, Mine is, I vow to live in abundance through the practice of generosity. And when I was first introducing myself to Buddhism, I think it was when I was going through a divorce, and I hope you've never been through a divorce, but if you had, there's a real feeling of scarcity. And the more I learned about Buddhism, the more I thought of it as the opposite religion. That I had spent my life trying to get a bunch of stuff and store all my stuff and keep my stuff and insure my stuff. And Buddhism was telling me that if you want to feel abundance, give your stuff away. Because what I learned is by definition, if you can give something away,

[43:51]

you're going to feel you have enough. And it's like, bing. I think that's probably the most important lesson I learned from this practice. I vow not to harbor ill will. as I vow to cultivate forgiveness for self and others as an antidote for anger, resentment, and bitterness. And when I was reading this, I was thinking harboring ill will. It means like this little barge of hate

[44:55]

sort of rolled into your consciousness, and you just put it on a dock. And then you tied it up with a story. And then I had to tell that story to anybody who listened, because that story was so important. antidote for anger, resentment, and bitterness is maybe a way to cut that row and let the barge move on. I vow not to disparage the three treasures. I honor the awakened ones. the path to awakening, and all of you, my fellow travelers on the path.

[46:04]

Thank you. I think there's a Q&A if people have questions. Not, you get your muffins early. Hi. Hi. Thanks for your talk. was really a pleasure to listen um something that you said struck me talking about the fifth precept i vow not to take intoxicants and what you added to it was that it doesn't have to be like drugs and booze for example it can also be like a relationship

[47:24]

And I'm curious what you have to say about intoxicating body and mind through a relationship. I have this saying that it ceases being what you want when it's what you have. And that, for me, has caused running and chasing. So you chase after something that doesn't want you because you're connected to want as opposed to have. Have's kind of boring. Capitalism wasn't built on having. We live in a culture that constantly tells us we should have something else.

[48:26]

You got a new phone, you need a newer phone. You got a car, you need a newer car. And it's great. Actually, I was in business for a long time. It's a healthy way to grow an economy. But it can be an unhealthy way to over-activate your mind, thinking you'll be happy, getting what you want. And I've been involved and I've seen people involved in relationships where it's running and chasing. And sometimes it's stopping and having and then it just falls apart. Because that's not... I was in therapy for a year, realized I think I needed to be with somebody I wanted to be with, not somebody that I thought I wanted to be with. I have this... What came up with me, this want, is I grew up with cars, so I like cars. And a 911 Porsche silver 998 is what I love.

[49:33]

But if I bought it, I'd look like I'm having a midlife crisis. It's not going to hold my bikes. I can't park it anywhere. So it's day to want. I don't have to have it. You have. And then, you know, I added innocence too. So realizing why we want to be in a relationship with somebody. It feels like this culture prizes youth. So are they interested in the person? Or are they interested in their youth? Or innocence? What's the... I have this saying, which is a beauty curse. Women are really beautiful, sometimes getting relationships with people because the other person feels good that they're with them, as opposed to just being happy by themselves.

[50:43]

So I guess my answer would be for two people to have strong boundaries and to join themselves. Enjoy each other's company. Thank you so much. Thank you for your talk. So I'm present to harboring a lot of anger. It's a big worship. Join the club. So... How do I cut those lines and set that ship free without causing harm to myself or others? Somebody once said that it's only self-righteousness that would hold on to the pain and agony of holding on to resentment.

[51:52]

And... So my father, who passed away a couple of years ago, was angry at his ex-wife for five or six decades. And so a good example of somebody doing that can sometimes be a good example of how to change it. The question is, is the story more important or your freedom? Because you have to forgive the person. And I think you forgive yourself from that place, hopefully maybe we found in the guided meditation, that doesn't, stories don't exist. Freedom exists. And

[52:56]

I've been through a couple of divorces, so I know there's just, it sometimes can be scorched earth and there's hurt. And at some level, you just have to, you just have to. And another helpful thing too is to check the story because I've had a couple of stories that held on to some of those barges that were just totally untrue. So it's also helpful to have somebody that supports you enough. to help you unwind an incorrect story. And then maybe forgive yourself for getting into a situation that you got hurt. I just wanted to say, first off, something that's really helped me, and I think that we briefly mentioned this a couple times, is that things in excess, anything that you have too much of is never healthy for your soul.

[54:07]

So to remind ourselves to keep balance and it may feel like toxicity, but it could also just be too much and you need a break and you need to try something else. Secondly, with us being in the season of rebirth, I think that I've had a lot of questions recently about setting intentions and what it means to do that. Or how to go about your day and set intentions. And I think that a lot of the time it's human to overthink that. But if we could just tell ourselves to live intentionally and that be... the period, you know, live intentionally, period, and that be the sentence that we tell ourselves, we don't really have to go that deep into what it means to live intentionally, if that makes sense.

[55:08]

Did that make sense? I don't know. Yes. Yes? Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is kind of what I've been needing, just hearing your words. I really, it just felt great to take it in. I have a kind of follow-up question about the fifth precept, intoxicating yourself or others. And I'm curious your thoughts just on how you identify that intoxicating feeling. Because I love... rivers and i think about rivers and going into the river all the time but it definitely feels different than like when i used to have an addiction to alcohol so how do you identify what is something that is like you love and think about a lot versus something that is an addiction or yeah an intoxicant

[56:18]

I'm a cyclist, so I ride my bike a lot. What comes up for me is health, mental and physical. I quit drinking when I was 21. I haven't missed it at all. But I bet if you quit rivers, you'd be bummed. So... I guess if you didn't show up to do your job here because you were in the river and you got kicked out, that would be problematic. It's much easier to go down the rabbit hole with drugs and alcohol that way. Or anything addictive. Gambling, shopping, porn, all those things are just, they tend to take over your life in an unhealthy way.

[57:27]

but I would encourage you to spend as much time at the river as you possibly can, and then find somebody who likes rivers, and yeah, I... Maybe it's a part of that space I was hoping for people to experience, but for me, that's where health comes up. That's where innocence comes up. I'm not thinking, oh, I should have done that or I'm going to get caught doing that. If you're spending time at the river and you're not supposed to be sending it somewhere else or you're not telling somebody, yeah, the innocence and wholesomeness and harmony in our lives that we know. We know we know. Down deep. When we walk out there and we see the flowers blooming and we see spring turning and we feel the support of somebody that loved us, we know.

[58:38]

And then we check the news. So yeah, I would encourage lots of rivers. Time for one more. Thank you for a great talk. I have a question about the precept of speaking truth. And in your interpretation, you added at the end, only if it achieves harmony. And I have struggled in balancing honesty and empathy. Is there any recommendations you have of how to achieve the balance? It's a canvas. It's a harmony. We're all different.

[59:42]

I think one thing that I've seen that's been sad is with social media, people are able to say things without seeing the eyes of the other person. I think there's skillful ways to speak the truth. And the other person still feels loved. And I think there's a trajectory of people that don't need the truth all at once. It's like a couple of injections, like COVID vaccinations. Yeah. And we may not all accept the truth like the other person. I'm in a relationship with somebody that we have who are stoic and pragmatic and I can hear things differently. And so we do a really good job of speaking the truth in the language that we know the other person can understand.

[60:57]

Don't we? Oh, yeah, I'll go outside. Yeah, muffins? Are you kidding me? If I go now? Now I do this? Okay. Breathe in the shoes of you, Mary. Breathe in the shoes of you, Mary. Breathe in the shoes of you, Mary. Each evening, when I saw my mother, not where I was, I forgot what was to sing, madam. But there was a song of my mother, and he saw us to hold me. I'm not going to let it go out, but what was to write, madam. I don't know what was going to be, and see this, but I must understand.

[62:04]

Ah, I think we've got a couple of questions we've got. We've [...] got a couple of questions. We've got a couple of questions we've got. We've got a couple of questions we've got. But I'm going to stay with you, and I'm going to stay with you. [...]

[63:06]

... [...] Thank you for your presence here today.

[64:35]

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