I think if you practice, even today, during the lecture, if you practice, when you practice sitting quietly, you'll notice many things. Sitting quietly, for one thing, you'll come to your senses, and you'll start to hear and see and smell and feel your body, in a way, experience your life in a way that we're often too busy to do, and too wrapped up and preoccupied in our thinking, emotions, struggles of our

[01:01]

life. So I think while we sit today, and I talk, you'll notice something like this. I think you'll also notice and begin to hear tiny voices that usually aren't loud enough to hear, and they're pretty easy to dismiss. But when we sit quietly, we start to hear little fears, anger, annoyance, boredom, many

[02:05]

things. Many things and voices and sounds that we think are not so important to listen to, not so important to hear, not so important, or other things are more important. But also, when we sit quietly, we begin to hear what we've been afraid to hear, and what's painful to hear, what's disturbing about being alive with a body and a mind, such as each of us have, that is a subject or object of so many stresses and strains and things that

[03:15]

can go wrong, attacks of the universe, of other people and things. I was reading Love Medicine recently, do you know that book? I could relate to this one particular scene where this man has gotten drunk and then his wife has died and he calls her name, he says her name, and then by their tradition, Indian tradition, if you say the dead person's name, they'll come and haunt you. So he starts worrying, and he's getting drunk in the meantime, and to keep her her way, he turns on the television real loud, and then he notices the vacuum cleaner across the room and turns that on, he goes into the bathroom and turns on the radio, and

[04:19]

the electric shaver, and he figures the more noise that he can create, the less likely it is that the ghosts of the past will catch up with him. Just then he looks up, and there she is at the bathroom window, clawing at it. So he races for his car, which he starts and manages to drive away even though he's quite drunk. So he gets down the road and eventually he gets more confident, he's driving slowly for a while, but after a while he gets more confident and begins driving more quickly, and at one point skids around a turn and hits a deer. So he thinks, I'll put it in the trunk of my car and take it into town, I can trade

[05:19]

it for a few bottles. So he goes to open up his, he drags the deer to his car, he goes to open up the trunk, and he doesn't have the round key that will fit in the trunk, he only has the square key for the ignition. And he thinks at this time, this is what finally convinced him, you see, that the fact that there's two keys for one car indicated to him that the universe definitely was set up in such a way to get him. Now whether or not we think this way habitually, you know, it does seem certainly at times that the universe is indeed set up this way. And I've lately, you know, I've lately had this kind of feeling, you know, like the universe

[06:22]

is, the universe just has some bad habits, you know, that if it could just get over them a little bit and be a little more conscientious and considerate, it could go out of its way a little bit more and, you know, kind of do nice things for me a little more, and not, you know, even just simple things like the other day, well the other day I broke a plate and it was very disturbing, and it was in a bag, and I put it in a bag where it was all cushioned so it wouldn't break, and yet when I put it down on the floor, I put it down just a little too hard, and it broke. I found that very distressing, and I thought, now this is just not, I mean, the universe could do better than that. I mean, basically I'm a nice person, I'm conscientious, I'm careful about how I pick things up and put them down, why did that plate have to go and do that? But you know, an interesting point, the other day I was at a friend's house, and her daughter was there, and she was carrying around a crystal wand, you know, a beautiful crystal about

[07:26]

this long and six sides or something, you know, little points on the end, and right while I was sitting there, and she was standing in front of me, and just, she just dropped it, and you know, she's not very far from the ground, I mean, her hand, I mean, where she dropped it from couldn't have been more than about 18 inches, not like if I dropped it, and it broke. She was very upset, I didn't care in the least, it wasn't mine. Isn't that interesting, you know, if it's not mine, how it doesn't matter so much? All these quirky things about the universe, well. Dogen Zenji suggests, so Dogen Zenji in one place suggests, when you're sitting quietly,

[08:32]

he says, so just forget yourself, just forget yourself, just forget me and mine, and practice inwardly. Practicing inwardly, as I say, you'll notice, you'll come to your senses, and you'll start to hear the quiet voices. And he says further, if a notion of self arises, sit quietly and contemplate it. If a notion of self arises, sit quietly and contemplate it.

[09:39]

Examine it carefully. Is there a real basis inside your body or outside of your body? Is there a real basis for the self that you hold so dear? Your body, with its skin and hair, is just inherited from your mother and father. From beginning to end, each drop of blood, of lint, of spit, is empty. None of those can be the self. So what about, what about mind, thought, awareness, knowledge, or the breath going in and out

[10:49]

that ties together a lifetime? What is it after all? What is it after all? The breath, mind, thought, awareness, feeling, knowledge. When you sit quietly and look at it, what is it after all? Is there something of substance there or not? Something you can get your hands on and keep or not? None of these, says Duggan, are the self either. So how is it that we can be so attached to them?

[11:54]

Deluded people, he says, are attached to them. Enlightened people are free of them. It doesn't mean enlightened people don't have them. But when they break on the floor, they don't worry about how the universe is misbehaving. Or maybe if they do worry about that, they don't worry about the fact that they're worrying about that. You've got to start someplace with this not worrying, with this not being attached. So he says, and he quotes one of the earlier teachers in our lineage,

[13:06]

Nargajuna, Indian meditation teacher and philosopher, who said, The mind that sees fully into the uncertain nature of birth, of death, is the thought of enlightenment. The mind that sees fully into the uncertain nature of birth and death, the thought of enlightenment is the mind that sees into the nature of impermanence, how impermanent things are. So mostly, you know, when we start sitting quietly and practicing meditation, we think we can have, we will learn something about how to control our mind, and we think somehow we will learn about controlling our life,

[14:07]

and making things work better. Maybe so, but certainly another thing you'll find in meditation, or even just sitting quietly, is how uncertain everything is, how impermanent everything is, and how vulnerable you can be. And this allowing ourself to feel vulnerable at last, is very powerful, and it's very healing. And it means we don't have to do all those other things, and turn on the television, the radio, the electric shaver, to avoid the ghosts. Do you understand? We don't have to do all those things just to avoid feeling our own vulnerability. So this is a very powerful, very healing kind of experience for us to have,

[15:16]

and to allow ourself to have. So, a while back I came across a story. A student says to the teacher, what about the student who can't cope? Do you know this kid? And the teacher says, but I can't cope either. Uh-oh. I thought you were the Zen teacher. Aren't you going to help me? The student says, but you're a Zen teacher. What do you mean you can't cope? And the teacher says, if I could cope, I'd be able to do something about the fact that you can't cope. Isn't that nice? I mean, we're all pretty helpless.

[16:17]

You know, we're all pretty vulnerable. And we think there's somebody who has the answer and will help us to not have to feel vulnerable. To not have to be at a loss of what to do. Somebody who knows what to do. So I don't have to suffer this not knowing what to do. So I don't have to feel vulnerable again. And if I just go to that person or get that understanding, I won't have to do this. Hey, I don't have to put up with this stuff, do I? You know. I'm a successful person. Should I have to put up with this stuff? I have a great family. You know, I'm doing my part. Isn't it interesting how we all have to put up with it anyway? We struggle so much not to have to. So it's very similar to another story.

[17:22]

The monk, the teacher, the student came to the teacher and said, What about when a thousand, a hundred thousand things, the hundred thousand things, all come at once? I mean, is there any other time that they don't all come at once? But let's just say, what about that time when it's all coming at once? What then? And the teacher said, Don't try to control them. And Dogen Zenji discusses this story, he says, You know, when things are coming, they're not just things. They're not things at all. They're the Buddha Dharma. And this isn't just some good advice,

[18:26]

but the fact is, you can't control them. He's just telling you the way things actually are. Very interesting. They're not things at all. They're the Buddha Dharma. What is the difference, you know? Buddha Dharma means they're teaching. It's teaching. And curious difference, you know, when we take something as a teaching, and when we take it as things are out to get us. Little difference there. Teaching is something you can study. It's part of a process. It's something you can open yourself to.

[19:31]

And what is the basic teaching today in firmness? Isn't that a hard one to open to? So lately, I've been reading a lot of books Recently I wrote a column, a food column. It's about nourishment. And a friend of mine, when he's traveling, and, you know, at shows all day long and stuff, he said, When I get back to my motel at night, I'm very tired, and I order pizza for four. And when it comes, I eat it. I don't know what else to do.

[20:52]

I don't know, he said, any other way to nourish myself. And something about that really struck me, because, you know, I started thinking of Imelda Marcos. I mean, 3,000 pairs of shoes! Now, how are you going to get any nourishment from 3,000 pairs of shoes? Do you think she's getting any nourishment? Do you think she's able to value or treasure any one pair? And have it nourish her, support her? Is there anything coming to her from those shoes? It's hard to believe that that could be possible with 3,000 pairs. And so I found myself thinking, maybe it's true.

[21:56]

You know, affluence is a perverted form of malnourishment. And I thought, you know, and then I wrote this column for the Yoga Journal, and they took that out. They said, well, we don't want to bring our readers down. We don't want them... We don't want to be too confrontational. But I thought, today, here's my chance. I've got a captive audience. I can be confrontational. All right. Think about it. So this is a very interesting thing. And this is similar, then, to what I've been talking about. Is it possible to allow yourself to feel and experience your life, the nature of life,

[22:56]

the impermanence of your body, mind, things, relationships? Is it possible to allow yourself to experience that, to feel that, rather than chasing after another pair of shoes? Or, you know, more success, a better life for yourself. You know, what are the things that you that you do, that you turn on, the televisions and the radios? What are all those things that we do, so we don't have to face or experience basic impermanence and bottomless pit nature of things? Wow, it's a long ways down. Can't even see the bottom. Wouldn't want to go in there. And I don't mean, you know, that, you know,

[24:01]

we not only need to deprive ourselves, but give ourselves little whippings on top of the deprivation in order to experience, you know, nourishment. You understand? But my suggestion for today, which was my suggestion for the article, is, you know, we pick up one thing, pick up one thing, this moment, what's happening, and instead of saying, oh, I don't like it, or it's not good enough, what about picking it up, and as a teaching, you know, look at it and say, what is of value here? And what is it that I'm going, you know, that I filter out and discard? So the Zen teacher Dogen says, when you're cooking, don't be overjoyed at good ingredients, don't despair over poor ones.

[25:04]

Just each thing, pick it up, observe it carefully, and see what you can do with it. And he says, a good cook can use and make a good soup out of poor ingredients. And sometimes the poor cook can ruin a soup made with wonderful ingredients. Some things, you know, in our life are very difficult to pick up and very difficult to swallow like that. Things in my life, people I live with, whoever it is. To swallow like that, to pick it up, and, you know, whether it's literally or not, but to swallow it, you know, means then digesting, assimilating,

[26:06]

using what's of value, discarding what can't be used. And, you know, this is quite different. I want you to understand how different this is than thinking that you could control the ingredients that are going to come to you. You know, if you work hard, you'll get all these good ingredients that come to you, or if you're a good person, you know, you would get these good ingredients, and you'd never have to deal with the poor ingredients. So, you know, when I started practicing, I thought, well, after, when I practice, you know, I'll just, after a while, I'll just be getting good ingredients all the time. Through the power of my practice. But it turns out that the power of my practice is to pick up the ingredient,

[27:06]

whatever it is, and find out how to make use of it. This means picking up the basic impermanence of things. Picking up my anger, picking up my fear, picking up my vulnerability. Picking up, you know, other people's bad vibes. Do you understand? A while back, I... A while back, I came across a poem by a Russian woman named Anna Akhmatova. And this reminded me, when I was thinking about today's lecture,

[28:10]

I was reminded of this poem. And it goes like this. If all, if all who had begged me for help in this world, all the holy innocents, battered wives, cripples, the imprisoned, the suicidal, well, if each had given me one kopeck, I'd be richer than all of Egypt. But they didn't give me kopecks. Instead, they shared with me their strength. So now, none is stronger than I, and I can bear anything, even this. Do you understand?

[29:16]

That's taking, you know, all that pain. And as a teaching, and as a healing, and making a healing experience of it. So this is, as I mentioned earlier, this is very powerful, very healing experience. To be able to feel the impermanence, the vulnerability, the bottomlessness, of our life. And go on. And plant trees. Today's Arbor Day, I don't know if it's on or not,

[30:22]

because of all the rain, but we were going to plant some trees this afternoon, weather permitting. It's on. Oh, good. Last year, it rained so hard, you know, this same time last year, and then Arbor Day came, and somebody said, well, maybe Wendy said, you know, she put the shovel in the ground, and this geyser came up. So I guess even though it rained very hard last night, it hasn't been raining over, you know, a long period of time like that. And the curious thing, you see, is then to find that when we pick up one thing, we can be nourished by that one thing. And it doesn't have to be

[31:24]

the three thousand pairs of shoes. It doesn't have to be a grand and magnificent thing. It doesn't have to be, you know, my fame and my fortune. You know, that's all the stuff that's keeping us from picking up very simple things in our life, like my inhalation, my exhalation, my breath. The sensation of the clothes on my chest. You know, the feeling of my buttocks on the cushion or chair. You know, the light coming into my face. And letting ourself be nourished by these very simple things. Another friend of mine said, he was doing a speech therapy.

[32:26]

Actually, it's not speech therapy. It's Reikian therapy. They work with breath. And he was breathing and he was describing his feeling as he breathed that there was this bottomless pit. And the therapist said, go into it. Go into it. And normally he wouldn't have gone into it, but with a little encouragement, in he went. And he went into it a little deeper and deeper and then, you know, lost it. And his breath opened up and then he got very warm. And then everything became suffused with love. And that went on for about half an hour. Nice, you know, another one of those

[33:30]

nice impermanent experiences, you know. Back to the grindstone. But, um, I just mention this because, you know, things that look like they couldn't possibly be nourishing, sometimes those things can be the most nourishing of all. Again, you know, in that poem. But, instead, they shared with me their strength. You know, all that begged me for help. Okay.

[34:33]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[36:15]

So I, um, I'm about to stop. You might have guessed. I've run out of things to say. How about that? But, you know, by the time we go over to the other room there and I have to talk again, I'll come up with some other things. so I want to encourage you not in, again, not in the sense of depriving yourself or, you know, hitting yourself over the head, but to to allow yourself to be nourished by very simple things. The simple things and the momentary things of our life. Even though they may be painful. And this is something you can, each of us can, you know, find out how to do and be nourished. Find out how to nourish ourself in this way. And it's, you see, quite different

[37:18]

than, you know, saying to my body, my mind, oh, but that's not good enough. I want some more, more powerful experience. I want something more beautiful to happen to me. I want something more grand. I want stars. I want valentines. That's not good enough. You've got to do better. Have you ever find yourself saying that to your own body and mind? And then how does your body and mind react? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Right away, ma'am. Or does it say, hey, get lost. Hey, I've got other things to do, you know, than this. Just try to come up with these great things to please you. I mean, come on, you know. And isn't what I'm doing already good enough for you?

[38:20]

Can't you make use of it? Come on. You know, see if you can't. This is my talk for today. Thank you. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day. And if you have a chance, please join us in planting some trees. Enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.

[38:41]

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